Haha what about you, Anon? What was your craziest hook-up? Come

Tranny off craigslist.

She was black
And not really passable
But she had a tiny benis and I wish I had sucked it

once i successfully sold a scimitar for the price of runic materiel in runescape but it was really made out of mithril, making it a vastly inferior sword

>>35087432
I don't have one
I'm not a degenerate who does hookups
Me and my gf are waiting until marriage

Fuck this shit when it comes up.
>Normie's talking about sex stories
>Know they are going to ask you eventually
>Even if they don't my disposition probably says it all
>Should I make up a story? It might save grief in the long run
>Fake like I have to go to the bathroom in hopes they move to a new convo

>>35087544
>Girl
>Keeping a long-term commitment
Choose

>>35087432
Are normie bitches aroused by telling them you can suck your own cock?

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>>35087432
One time I nutted into my roommates sandwich and watched him eat it

>>35087432
I fucked a trap that was an old elementary aquantence.
It was quite surreal, but atleast im not a virgin now.
It was fun being a wizard for a year.

what's good fake story to tell? something that isn't too over the top (ie not believable) but still "crazy"

>>35087432
I lost my virginity in my car to a girl at college in my dorm parking lot. It was the only thing that I ever did that even vaguely came close to the college experience everyone told me I would have. Same girl would also come into my dorm after drinking herself sick and throw up all over the place. Wasn't worth it desu.

>>35087753
Either say "I consider sex a private thing and don't feel comfortable disclosing my personal experiences." or "Sorry, I don't know what to tell you, all of the sex I've had has been pretty uneventful."

>>35087432
So this one time I puty bepis into a girls bagina it was so craziee

>>35087818
ok but what if I don't want to come across as an autist?

>>35087867
Not having any wild sex stories doesn't make you an autist. Just acknowledging that you've had sex, but nothing crazy enough to talk about is enough. If anybody pushes beyond that just go, "Dude, it's kind of creepy how fixated you are on my sex life." and they'll look like an autist.

>>35087432
... I have nothing to say ...
Oregano comentario

One time I raped a prostitute and killed her with my bare hands. Dumped her body in the everglades and never heard about it again.

A witch doctor lady while I was volunteer working in DRC. I regret it now actually.

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>>35087432
I once jerked off with such fervor that I came so hard it hit me in the chin. Was panicking over whether or not I got any in my mouth.

> actual sex stories
> doyouknowwhereyouare.jpeg

>>35087956
>"Dude, it's kind of creepy how fixated you are on my sex life."
>What sex life
>*normies laughing*

>>35087432
One time, I put my penis in a vagina just like the hardcore pornography depicts. Plot twist: it never happened

I don't have any. I never had sex.

I once partook in coitus a la the missionary position

Banged my best friends fiance in their backyard while he was playing vidya.

>>35087956
>t. massive autist

>>35088979
joke from man who is in psychological pain

>gently take out of my backpack a shotgun
>"you're all vapid impostors"
>*shoot self in the chin*

>>35088558
Greentext please. Had some fun in Africa myself.

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I met a girl off PoF back in 2006. She was a chubby Latina girl who was into video games and we shared a laundry list of similar hobbies. She actually messaged me out of the blue because I didn't have a profile pic, just a Bio about me with my Aim.

We started talking and realized we basically had the same interest in most things. Gradually the conversation moved towards a more sexual manner. Got into our kinks and got her to finger herself while we'd talk on the phone. She lived in another state but I have family in that state so we set up a date to meet up on.

Finally, that date came, luckily I was home alone on a rare instance at my grandmother's home. She came in, looked just like her picture. Things were incredibly awkward at first, we just watched tv several feet apart. We went outside and started talking about our interest again while I sit next to her on the couch. I mention that she has really nice skin, she blushes a bit, so I look her straight in the eyes and go for a kiss. She has really nice, soft lips and they tasted like cherry....

>>35089453
This posts always concern me, where normal/ugly people brag about being good looking. I've always considered myself good looking, but what if I'm just as deluded as them?

>>35089453
I would pound your boipossum if that makes you feel better.

>>35089542
if people approach you, then you know you're good looking.
>>35089593
it does make me feel better, but this is not what i want, i want a girls love. o-or a cute bois love

I had sex with a hot pocket once. It didn't work very well, just fell apart after a few pumps.

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>>35089522

She starts to rub my leg and nibble on my ear, this for whatever reason is a huge turn on for me. I return the favor by nibbling on her neck and this just drives her crazy. As if we're both in heat, we just get up and I lead her to the room I'm staying in. She pushes me down on the bed and mounts me. I ask her if I could play with her tits and without hesitating she takes her shirt off revealing some soft C cup tits, the feeling of kneading them in my hands was making my dick from rock into diamonds.

As we're making out, I ask her if I can finger her pussy(I know, I'm weird like that). So she starts trying to take off her pants but seems to be struggling for whatever reason with something so simple, almost as if her body is shaking. She takes her pants off revealing a thong, I put my fingers inside her pussy and it was like putting your fingers inside an eazy bake oven filled with hot jelly that kept oozing out. I couldn't wait any longer and asked her if I could put my dick inside her, she asked me if I had a condom to which I didn't, then told me to do it as long as I don't cum inside her.

I pulled out my dick and it was pointing straight up at the sky, almost thanking God for the bountiful feast laid out in front of my dick. There was some slight resistance at first, but her pussy was so hot and wet that I felt like I was in pure ecstasy. I had to really, really hold myself from cumming instantly inside her.

She put her arms around my shoulders and would pull her hips up towards the tip of my dick, then slam it down to the hilt. This was driving me fucking crazy like an animal, she actually burst out laughing because she said she's never seen someone look so happy before. Each time she'd move her hips up and down, she'd get a little faster, at this point I honestly don't think she'd give a shit if I came inside of her. The faster she went, the more I didn't trust myself, I threw her off me as she was shaking her hips up/down and came EVERYWHERE.

>>35089690
>o-or a cute bois love
That's what I want to. You look like one. I hope you are not too tall

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>>35089781

There was cum on the floor, on the rug, on the bed, on her chest, on the closet door. To this day, I've never cum so hard in my life. I've also never felt so relieved in my life either, that was some amazing sex. After sex we had to clean ourselves. My dick was almost covered in warm slime, her pussy juice was like slime. After cleaning ourselves off and joking around a bit, she still seemed really horny, like a flip of a switch we were back in the room naked and on top of each other. This time she wanted to try anal seeing as how she said she had a fetish for it. This time, there was a lot more resistance when it came to her asshole. It was uncomfortably tight, especially seeing how hard I was again. I ended up lubing up my dick again with her pussy juice which made things a lot smoother. With my dick in her asshole and her adjusting, she started riding my dick gently, at first. She started to ride my dick harder, but it would "pop" out of her asshole. After a couple of more "pops", without even thinking, she put my dick straight into her pussy. It didn't take long before I came straight on her tits with a big smile on her face. Without skipping a beat she put her mouth on my dick and licked my dick clean of sperm so I could put it back in.

We ended up spending the next 2 hours fucking until her friends came to pick her up.

That was the last time I saw her, she wanted to move in where I was living with my family but I did something emo and stupid and she just stopped talking to me after that. I'm an idiot and lost this amazing girl. I've had sex with other girls before and after but sex with her was like nothing else.

>>35089888
5'7 and 20 y/o

>>35089972
So small :) cute

>>35087432
Stole a big booty blonde bitch from a black guy because drunk.

Stuck it in her bumhole because drunk that night in a hotel room while her friend slept on the couch(pretty sure she watched)

Still amazed I don't have any STDs from it and will likely never have sex that great again

>>35090060
Sadly there's no girl that would go out with a guy this small

>>35090153
I'm 5'6 and have no problem finding girls at all

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Most of my sexual stories are from when I was molested as a kid. By my sister and two of her friends. Not all at once, though. Still fucked with my libido and fetishes a lot.
>>35088560
>discover a porno that perfectly caters to one of my major fetishes
>edge to it for about an hour and a half
>cum so hard I hit myself dead on in the face

>>35090153
That's why you go get fucked by other men, kiddo

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>>35090153
>Sadly there's no girl that would go out with a guy this small

I'm 5'5, have an ex that took me out to eat today and wants my dick. Have a Science major girl who asked me when I'm free to give her the D again, have another ex who contacted me wanting to hook up again. The science major is the only one shorter than me, granted they are all Latina's.

I guess the lesson here is, find a Latina you faggot.

>>35087432
I never hooked up. I specifically chose not to, because I wanted a virgin for a wife, and figured I had better walk the walk. Not gonna tell you what the craziest story is with my wife, because she's my wife.

>>35087753
>Nothing crazy, I throat fucked an escort once.

>>35087544
When did this hook-up meme start?

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>>35089424
you have an emergency suicide sawed-off?

I thought I was the only one

>>35087432
dark haired one looks like a mix of mila kunis and jasmine jae and a bratz doll

>>35090510
Why would anyone make a snake sweater? They don't produce any body heat, so it's worthless.

>>35087432
>Implying i would stick around people long enough to hear about their sex stories, much less tell them mine

You normies arent even trying to act like robots anymore are you?

>>35087432
craziest one? fucking in an elevator at disneyland

most regretful one?
fucking this non binary chick from my college first year orientation group
my friends give me so much shit, saying 'shes at least 20% guy so that means you're at least 20% gay'

best one? current girlfriend, just hit it off at a party and love her to death now

>>35087432
One time I fucked a girl in a hotel room with 5 other people sleeping close to us.
Turned out they weren't sleeping.

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I once told a bunch of normies at work that I had consensual masturbation with the woman who used to clean the mens toilets. Turns out she was 82 years old when I claimed to have sex with her. Now they make fun of me and say things like 'when you go for a bottom belch, listen out for the old womans squelch, and anon will be there'. I'll never lie about this shit again.

>not having an answer in the pipe
>not having an entire fake life history ready to draw from at a moments notice

are you faggots even robots?

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>>35087432
>when you have to town down the sex stories for normies because they get grossed out and ask you not to tell them things like that

>>35087956
you sound like a reddit autist, very distinct type of text