>Barber starts talking to you

>>35004638
>Not giving yourself a buzz cut
whew lad save yourself money and pain.

>>35004638
My barber is an old bald autist who never talks even if I enitiate the conversation he gives one word replies.

>>35004657
>>35004658
The only barbers here are one with women and the other one are a muslim place.

kind of terrified of going to either but I need my hair cut.

>>35004658
Based nigga
Tip him

>>35004666
I'm Italian we don't tip

>>35004671
>I'm Italian
Love me! Tutti fruti

>cutting your hair
top zoz

>>35004688
Installa Gentoo

>>35004657
>le buzzcut

Why do you assume everyone is prematurely balding like you?

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Whats that haircut called where its cut on the sides and back also I think but the middle on top is normal?

>>35004753
Are you OP? Or some autistic and sad American?

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>>35004658
i would pay extra for such a barber.

i want to open a barber shop for robots
>no talking at all
>don't even give your name - you are assigned number by computer when you walk in door
>barber picks your haircut
>cuts in silence
>$30 with no tipping allowed

would you go?

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>>35004767
OP


kjlhklh

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>>35004753
an undercut

>>35004775
So I just walk in and ask for an undercut?

They won't start talking to me and asking me what type of undercut right?

>>35004774
>give me Hitler's youth haircut with Italian facista touch
>Say no more

>>35004784
it's literally the most popular hairstyle now

they give dozens a day


they will know what to do

>>35004808
o-ok but are you SURE they won't start talking to me or asking me shit?

What should I say if they ask if I have a job?

>>35004784
they might ask you what length you want it to be but that's all

>>35004808
Hope I don't look stupid when I go to Supercuts tomorrow and ask for an undercut...

Last time I got a haircut i actually didn't know what I wanted and I got a cut that made me look like the sperg I am ;__;

>get a haircut
>the barber is Maori
>can't understand a word he's saying
>afraid he will snap my neck if I hear him wrong

>>35004671
just fucking do it asshole!

>>35004832
Holy fucking shit
Are you sure you are Italian?
I never thought Italians were this awkward

>>35004837
ill be doing the same thing bro.

Lets do it for each other.

>>35004784
>>35004836
This, also bring in a photo if you don't want to really speak at all, or can't describe the length

>>35004843
I'm British OP not Italian.

>>35004836
What should I say then?

How do I say I don't want to talk without sounding like an asshole

>>35004753
Go in and ask for grade whatever on back and sides and a trim on top
That's what my friend told me to do and it turned out ok, but she did start asking me what I want on top and it got a bit much

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TFW mommy cuts my hair
im 19

>>35004853
depends on the length you want it to be
the easiest approach would be to bring a picture
or you could just say that you want the standard undercut length

>>35004863
>but she did start asking me what I want on top and it got a bit much

I don't think I could handle all the questions man, what did you say?

If I'm in an environment like a barbers with lots of people around it will set my anxiety off.

>>35004845
Alright senpai
W-w-we got this.

>>35004856
fucking this. i just want to tell them how i want it done, show a few pics, have them cut it, then get on my way. i hate how they feel the need to always make small talk

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>>35004856
>say I don't want to talk without sounding like an asshole

>>35004853
Ah that explains a lot
But yeah just bring in a picture of the haircut you would like on your phone and show it to him and that's it! You can also pretend that you are mute or had some dental stuff going on and can't talk

>>35004638
>Hair dresser small talk
The one advantage of male pattern baldness

>barber asks "what kinda cut you want"
>try not to burst into laughter

>>35004901
say the line anon so the whole room can have a giggle

>>35004879
These people are there to serve you, they don't expect you to have gone to hair school. If you have trouble communicating what you want, they'll be acommodating and figure it out with you (assuming you don't go to a super cheap salon).

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>>35004887
l-lets do it anon!

I've been too scared to get a haircut for the past decade or so. I cut my own hair and have my mom do the neckline. I've gotten better at it and can use different guards so it doesn't look too horrible.

>>35004878
Do you know barber hair length lingo? Iirc it goes from like 1-4 but I forget how long is 4

>>35004936
No idea man. You could just show them with hand gestures or give an inch number, this isn't rocket science.

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>lady cutting my hair asks what I do
>"nothing"
>realize how autistic that sounded the moment it left my mouth
>try to not sound autistic and sperg out with "I'm a live in maid for my parents right now"
>she tells me I'll make a women very happy some day
>can see the high school aged apprentice girl cover her mouth and try not to laugh in the mirror

>>35004849
>>35004878
I would look so autistic bringing a photo.

>>35004971
You would look even more autistic trying to fucking describe a picture you faggot

>>35004983
I'm trying to describe a haircut, not a picture.

>>35004971
I've done that many times. It's very helpful and communicates perfectly what you want. They don't give a fuck if you're a sperg. You're a customer with money.

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is this cooler than an undercut?

>>35004971
Is this person for real? He thinks he is an autist for bringing a photo to the barber shop? Do you carry your shopping around the supermarket because its autistic to use a trolley?

>>35005074
This is the kind of haircut that only looks good on very good looking men. The undercut works for most guys.

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>>35004638
>So what do you do for a living?
>N-nothing, I'm unemployed right now..
>awkward silence for 20 min

I FUCKING HATE SOCIAL SITUATIONS

>>35005120
>so is this your day off?
>what did you do this weekend?
>what do you do for fun?

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>>35004962
>>try to not sound autistic and sperg out with "I'm a live in maid for my parents right now"
not that bad of a save desu

if i were in your shoes even if i tried fixing my fuck up i'd end up stuttering 100%

>>35005120
>>35005157
Do you guys really have to do small talk with your barber? They've never done that with me.

>>35004665
Muslim barbers are good and they generally aren't that chatty,

>>35005178
>>35005171

depends... sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. guy barbers are used to quiet guys.

sometimes stacys will try to make small talk. I just lie if they ask about me working or doing stuff giving the most generic answers possible.

>>35005207
ill walk in tomorrow as soon as they open at 8am and ill ask for an "undercut" like you guys said.

>>35005222
i have an arabic barber and hes fucking based

>walk in
>fist bump
>whatsgoodmyguy.jpg
>gives me my usual shape up while we crack jokes about random shit
>walk out back
>give him 20 quid
>he bags me up a 10ers bud
>fist bump
>later boss

literally this everytime and i've been going to him every 3 weeks for 4 years

>>35005222
trips of triumph

let us know how it goes

>>35005171
Typing it out it doesn't seem that bad, but if you heard the way I said it, your shoulders would be touching your ears because you're cringing so hard.

I don't think I've ever pronounced a sentence more autistically than that in my whole life and I'm a fucking mess socially.

>>35004638
i got 5 replies u copycat fuck u cunt

>>35005411
What?

What are you on about?

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>>35004638
>haircut lady starts talking to me
>"Your hair's really thick"
>"Heh, yeah."

>>35004838
Underrated Kek my man

>>35005430

"that's cause I don't wash it.. hehe"

>>35004971
>I would look so autistic
you already do

>7/11 I go to has a cashier that makes small talk now

NO

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when undercuts go wrong

>>35004879
Well autism did kick in so it wasn't the best experience, I just said I just want it a bit longer than the sides, nothing special
You can just ask them to do what they think looks good, my friend just asked them what they think would look good on him because he doesn't know and I sort of did the same.
At the end of the day, they aren't going to give you a shit cut if you go somewhere nice

>>35004769
>$30

nigga whta die fuck

>>35006244
i call it the robot tax

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>>35004769
so a barber shop for autists?

>>35004769
That sounds great and the price is not very expensive,I would go.

>>35004657
I'd either look like a serial killer or a cancer patient. I don't have the face or head shape for that

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>tfw I used to be this awkward only a few years ago
>tfw I learned how to interact with people from a blue-collar job
>tfw it seems so strange now

It's crazy. I remember feeling helpless if I needed to ask someone for directions or whatever, but I just don't remember actually being like that. It's like trying to remember what learning to walk was.

>>35004638
>going to barber

jesus christ what the hell is wrong with you people?

>chick cuts your hair
>her tits keep pushing into your head

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>>35006386
>tfw I learned how to interact with people from a blue-collar job

this would cure so many robots of their "autism". getting used to that steady, meaningless, everyday banter that occurs between blue collar workers is a wonderful thing.

>>35006471
I have this problem at the dentist

>>35005178
yes, all the fucking time. The worst part is that I started making up lies so as not to sound like a pathetic loser AND HE FUCKING REMEMBERS THEM. I literally have to keep track of my fake life for my barber. fml

>>35005302
>i've been going to him every 3 weeks
fucking why

>>35006526
I had a blue colar job like that for 3 years and it didn't cure me of my autism.

But that was probably because everyone kept making fun of me and being condescending

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>this fucking thread
>waaaahhhhhh I have hair and my life is so hard

Fuck hairfags.

You don't know true existential despair until you go bald.

>>35004638
Yeah man i absolutely hate when that fucker opens his mouth and start talking to me about his bullshit.
T.been cutting my own hair for a decade

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>>35004769
plz
plz
also no roasties except in magazines

>>35006984
This would be a fantastic concept for a sitcom ep

>>35004962
could have gone worse deseriously
you're gonna be fine.

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>>35006386
>>35006526
>>35007046
If you were able to learn social skills from a blue collar job then you were never a robot in the first place. Just a socially awkward normie.

A robot literally cannot learn social skills.

I have had blue collar jobs and they were living hell. All the other guys would watch me and make fun of me while I worked.

>>35004983
this is pretty incisive, senfam.
>>35004992
tilting at windmills, anon

>>35006009
this is why when they ask me what to do I always kind of just stutter
>yano, the same but shorter shorter, left part
if I ask for anything even *slightly* exotic, that would happen.

>he talks about cars and football
Seriously just fucking comment on the weather or shut up

>>35004838
Nah, it can't be that bad. As long as he isn't a meth addict he should be fine

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>>35004638

>Dentist starts talking to you
>Reply like a retard drowning in his own spit

>>35007490
>dentist actually understands what you said

and you aren't even sure what you said

>>35004657
>get a buzzcut
>look like a kid with cancer

no thanks bro

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>"wow anon it looks like it's been awhile since you've gotten a haircut"
>"yeah... heh"

>>35007773
those eyes just want to close and never open again
F
(CAPTCHA: OVER NEARLY) robits are threatening me now

Could a black barber unfuck my bad hairline?

>>35007771
more like a neonazi

see this friendly PSA by an alcoholic hobo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydFXx40uHjg

>>35004769
minus the price tag, sounds good.

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>not getting lit Lamelo cut

>>35007820
probably tbhfam

>>35004638
>my usual silent fem barber is absent today
>so i am stuck with gay looking young man
>explain what i want(very simple cut like this >>35004769 old guy)
>he looks at my saggy plain jeans and hoodie with disgust and pity
>does faggy cut like >>35004775
>umm thats not what i actually wanted
>well yeah but its more cool and modern than your conservative and boring cut

>>35007773
He looks like me thats not even funny

>>35004769
>>barber picks your haircut
uh, what

>>35006651
i still don't understand how was my 13yo me more alpha than me now, but come to think of it i just don't bother anymore because nihilism consumed me

it feels good in a way, it's like being ascended/enlightened once i embrace it

how did the anons do who were going to get haircuts this morning?

did they make it?

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>>35004638
>when Berber starts talking to you

>>35006009
They didn't cut to the hair line. Any decent barber will not do something this retarded

>>35007773
>tfw haven't had a haircut since 2011
and no, I'm not bald

>>35004638
>Barber talks to me
>I try to respond
>Get hair in mouth
>Begin autistic fit
>Start moving around
>Slips with scissors
>Stabs my ear
>Go to hospital
>Female doctor tries talking to me
>Rinse and repeat

>cutting your hair

>>35005302
then you woke up and realized that you're too autistic to go to the barber

>>35004769
>would you go?
Going outside might be a problem... will you do home visits? or a subscription type thing, where you would come to customers' houses every month or so?

>>35011394
stepping into a robot's house is a chancy thing. but i've thought of a mobile barber van with a chair in the back to make house calls.

I wouldn't want the barbers to enter robot houses cause those places are usually an alternate reality full of manifestations of severe mental illness.

would you be able to walk out to a van waiting right outside your home?

>>35008040
Having to explain your haircut to a barber is difficult for us robots. Would be best to just not have to deal with that at all.

>>35011531
>stepping into a robot's house is a chancy thing
>alternate reality full of manifestations of severe mental illness
right, that might be a problem. you kinda forget how fucked up a living space can be when you live in it yourself.

>would you be able to walk out to a van waiting right outside your home?
fuck yeah

>>35004638
One time, I fucking shit you not, the barber started talking to me

and then I started talking about how I wish scientific advancements would help alter genetics to where hair stops at a set point, that way I would never have to visit a barber ever again.

Never had a barber shut the fuck up that fast.

>hair thinning starts showing up around 20 years old
>buy $20 clippers
>have been shaving my own hair for about five years now

I haven't had to go and get a hair cut in all that time and it's great. I've saved hundreds of dollars and hours of time already. Get rid of your hair anon, it's useless.

>>35006009
you do realize this cut would look fine on an attractive man, its called a disconnected undercut

>>35004638
>only thing barber asks is "Do you want this shorter"
>mom tells him exactly what you want so you don't have to speak at all, only grunt yes or no

>>35005074
does this even count as a haircut? Thats basically "I havent cut my hair in four months and it looks like a fucking haystack ". Thats me btw

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>>35004638
>walk in to shop knowing literally exactly what I want and what it's called
>first red flag is chink hairdresser with bad english
>has literally no idea about the cut I want

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>go to the local salon after finding out you can pay cute girls to wash your hair
>haven't washed my hair in 2 years, hair is full of grime
>go to the salon and get seated
>ask for my hair to be washed then cut
>as a joke before hand, I printed a picture of an african kid drinking dirty water
>let the girl wash my hair
>she runs soapy warm water
>it feels nice
>she says 'wow.... you have really dirty hair'
>I laugh
>'w-w-would you like to see a person dd-d-rinking my hair water?'
>pull out the image of the african kid
>turn and force it into her hands
>she takes it, looks once
>'errrr not really'
>keeps washing my hair
>can hear her disgust at my poor hygiene
>keep tring to make jokes
>'m-m-my hair hasn't seen shampoo in so long,its saltier than a CLAM ZOO!'
>no laugh
>keep doing this for the entire duration
>at the end she takes my money and requests I never go back

Fucking bitch

>>35007961
He probably only knew how to do the modern haircuts. I would have left without paying in my mind because irl I would just have stuttered that I liked it and payed like the beta bitch I am

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>>35004638
>tfw the barber keeps poking you on the arm with his dick

>>35004638
I once made up a story about having sex with my gf
I don't have a gf

>>35004775
>>35004774
>>35004753
I just can't get myself a haircut like this
I just respect myself too much to look like a twink

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>did you watch the match last night mate

>>35013827
>I just respect myself too much to look like a twink
what are you talking about that's literally the bear haircut every bear has it

>>35013875
not in eastern europe
only twinks that weight 120lbs have it here, it's automatically associated with homosexuals

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last time i went to get a haircut

>go to a place i've never been to before
>only person there
>sit down in the chair and ask for what i want
>once she starts cutting my hair there's dead silence for about a minute
>barber starts talking about the weather
>i don't read weather reports so i can't even add anything to the conversation
>silence for another minute or so
>she starts talking about the weather again
>this cycle repeats a few times until the haircut is over

I bought a head shaving kit off amazon because of this experience. I don't ever want to go through this again.

>>35013827
literally the go to haircut for the nazis

>getting haircut at womanly salon
>hairdresser tells you you have good hair
>t-thanks
>group old ladies waiting on whatever is going on in those chairs with the head caps
>start talking about how handsome you are/dating their granddaughters
>"I bet girls love running their hands through your hair"
>never been touched by a girl
>tfw only women over the age of 69 find me attractive
>tfw imagining their granddaughters being mortified at the prospect of being set up with me by their grandmas
>one takes a picture of me on her phone while trying to hide it
>give the hairdresser a 50% tip for complimenting me

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>>35013240
>mom tells him exactly what you want so you don't have to speak at all, only grunt yes or no

this is someone's reality. i love it.

>>35013501
you can't get the edgy bangs like that unless you get it cut semi regularly

>>35013827
>I just respect myself too much

>still comes to r9k

>>35014123
do you have any more stories like this? feed us your pain

>go to haircut place in the mall
>get assigned to slightly overweight gay man barber
>asks me if i go to college and if i go to parties
>says when he was a kid his dad and his dad's friends would get drunk and come into his room while he was sleeping and draw all over his face and body with markers
>wasn't sure how to respond
>went that "that's pretty crazy man"

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>>35013826
bagsofsand.michaelscott

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>almost 25
>haircut bitch/dude assumes im in high school

>>35014425
kek i went to the barber with my mother until my 16's

>>35015112
I'm 23 and I still mostly go with my mom, but sometimes alone.

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>1994
>go to barber
>"I want to be popular"
>Say no more

If your hair stylist compliments you, should you compliment her back or is that awkward?

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>>35011675
Daaaayuuuum, son

Originado

>>35000000

Wtf original bot fuck you

>>35015905
just read the weather report and keep talking about the weather like it's your job

>>35004769
>barber picks your haircut
The only bad part

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you guys really are socially retarded

haircut roleplays are my favorite ASMRs to watch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0pejhGdSI0

>>35015905
"oh thanks, thats kind of you :)"
memorize it.. learn the smileyface

>>35016131
This is actually the way to get the best haircut if you're seeing someone who's very skilled.

>>35016179
meant fer
>>35016071

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If your hair doesn't look like this then you're pretty much a male feminist.

>>35016146
>gook

DROPPED

>>35013782
How about when the bitch cutting my hair squashs her boobs on me
feelsgoodman

>>35004838
Kek

Foraxbnforesdccc

i had a buzzcut the last time i went, but let it grow for the past six months and it looks like shit now.
how long does it take to get over this phase?
do you have to get a cut if you just want to have long hair?
pls answer long haired anons

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>spend years without cutting your hair
>really long but also messy af. Split ends and stuff
>work up the courage to go to salon
>super nice lady washes my hair
>sit on the chair waiting for the lady who will cut my hair
>turns out it's a dude
>at least 6'2" tall with blonde hair, blue eyes, massive guns and thick legs
>become 100% more socially retard when he asks me what I want
>mumble that I want to try having short hair
>he immediatly starts talking me out of it saying I have beautiful hair
>"o-ok..."
>starts giving me stylish haircut
>every now and then he gently pushes my forehead so I look down
>niagara_falls.jpeg
>finishes cutting my hair
>"See? you look much better now. All the boys will fall in love with you."
>"Th-thanks..."
>Go to pay
>Realize I left my wallet at home
>Have to call brother to come pick me up and pay
>Sit down while stacy at the counter and my husband laugh
>I can never go back there now

>>35016428
yeah if you let a buzzcut grow it will look like shit. If you want to have long hair you need to get a haircut that won't look like shit when it grows out

>>35016483
there is no name for this kind of haircut i suppose. guess i will just try to explain to the barber what i want.

>muh barber anxiety
Fuck you, failed norm. Robots cut their own hair.

>>35006009

Nigga thats a childbirth gone wrong, not an undercut.

>>35016739
what gives round faced people the will to live?

OP here, should I go for an undercut or a buzzcut in the morning?

Still trying to decide.

>>35017141
Undercut; if you don't like it, you can buzz it yourself.

>>35017141
i thought you were going today? get an undercut - we've been over this!!!!

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>>35016454
>>Have to call brother to come pick me up and pay
>>Sit down while stacy at the counter and my husband laugh
>call brother
>husband laugh
wuh? huh?

>>35017287
"husband" = the male barber
anon is female

>>35016454
>husband
>Niagara falls
>boys falls in love
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
TITS OR GTFO ROASTIE

Just cut your hair yourself, all you need is a pocket mirror and a pair of scissors.

It's no fucking rocket science, and you avoid both the social interaction and the bad haircut that you'd probably come home with

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>>35017348
but how did the barbar become husband?
when did this happan?

>>35013910
what part of gay europe to you live in lad, the fad has come and gone in the north eastern part, fags mostly bring trend to the masses anyway, because what looks good, looks good.

>>35004870
My mommy cuts my hair and I'm nearly a wizard.

Anyone ever go to a Mexican barber/salon? They never speak English, so you might not have to deal with conversation, but how do you tell them what you want?

>>35004769
The price isn't that bad average is $15-$20 I'll write down the type of cut I want then tap all that shit into the computer so that way I'm never asked again what I want yeah I'd go when and where are you opening up

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I work at a SmartStyle in a Walmart here I always love cutting the robot type guys hair cause they look so nervous lol
Its cute

>tfw 25 and dad cuts your hair
>tfw never shaved beard and never will
nobody touches my beard. nobody.

>>35018323
Same desu. I've honed my beard trimming technique just how I like it. I'd only let someone else touch it if they themselves had an amazing beard.

>>35017693
The best haircuts I've gotten were from a Mexican woman and a black woman.

>>35004784
ask them the Hitler youth style, way better.