Aspergers

>>34998247
>Look back on conversations I've had with other human beings and I miss blatant, non-verbal/in-between the lines type deals, but I don't know if that's just because I'm stupid.
>Score high on IQ test, 130 when I'm comfortable
>Completely lose my mind under pressure
>Can't think or function at all
>So far into my own head that I smile at inappropriate occasions
>Feel like other human beings are nothing but rocks
>There's a deep separation between me and the faces of other human beings.
>Never know what another person is thinking aside from the most obvious of occasions
>Don't know what a smiling face means 9/10
>This is probably universal when combined with a lack of life experience
>Constantly repeat words and phrases when I write, but I don't know what it means. (Ex: use "to do so" over and over in the same paragraph)
>This is likely a writing style pre-editing
>Have terrible hand writing, and space my words poorly.
>Don't share what I like with other people because I'm terrified they'll reject me
>Also not interested in letting them know who I am
>Feel like I get painted over just to let them make sense of what I am
>Can't spread caulk with my finger, but I don't know how other people perform
>Dad can do it just fine, but he has been doing it for decades
>Mind easily affected by my physiological status
>If I'm hungry, I can't think
>Don't know if I'm just a "pussy"

>>34998366
>People constantly call me an awkward person
>Dad had me when he was 39
>He has a sister that gave birth to two autistic children
>Constantly walk around in circles and imagine
>Essentially pace when I think, but no-one else in my family does this
>Have never kissed a girl before, but I'm 20 years old
>Don't know if this can be attributed to intelligence, but I doubt it as people superior to me did so
>Love having a routine and knowing what will happen next
>Get incredibly upset when I have to diverge from such a routine
>Example:
>Routine:
>Go to customer's house, dad introduces us, I go inside and initiate the installation
>Deviate from it
>Dad forces me to introduce us
>Wind up nervous and anxious for the next 2 hours
>Feel like crying when this happens
>Get abnormally angry and upset over trivial things to others
>Dad tells me I take everything literally
>Constantly mis-interpret metaphors
>High-school English teacher put me on a "special" list of students that need to be observed
>Can't handle rooms of people all facing one another, but that might just be social anxiety
>Get terribly upset in large crowds
>Have to go hide in dark rooms after spending too much time around large crowds
>Can't ascertain correct restaurant manners when I'm eating with my family
>Don't know how to eat food more complicated than hamburger when around other human beings
>Get really upset when forced to eat inside of fast-food restaurants
>Feel like crying and start shaking
>It can just be attributed to social anxiety
>Totally fine in 1 on 1 scenarios with other human beings and the company of a friend
>Freak out when by myself with a stranger and they've got malicious intent
>Never "check out" girls in real life
>Apparently hug my sister very rigidly
>Don't like to give and receive hugs
>Was taken advantage of by kids a year younger than me when I was a 10 year.
>Still feel incredibly vulnerable socially to this day

How about seeing a professional instead of trying to self-diagnose like Tumblr cancer?

>Didn't realize how much I enjoy children's cartoons just because I can read the faces of the characters
>Very good at drawing and can pour hours into it, but hate to do studies in it
>Like it, but not "obsessive" about it
>People constantly test me to see how I'll react to certain stimuli
>They'll do strange things like dropping weird hand shakes
>One time I ran a shopping-cart into my dad because I was very upset and couldn't see what was in front of me
>Don't know if this is a consequence of a lack of mindfulness
>My mother is very worried about me
>People on 4chan constantly call me autistic, but I don't know if they mean it when they write it
>Never give other people compliments in real life
>Don't like to be complimented on my art
>Socially retarded, but that might just be due to a lack of action

>>34998562
I don't want to get branded an Aspie.
There are no benefits to it, and I have a feeling it would devastate me.

I keep taking Aspie quizzes like RDOS on the internet, and they keeps saying they're positive, but I can't call them definitive.

>>34998698
>wants to know if they're a Sperg
>doesn't want to know if they're a Sperg
Pick one. Being diagnosed isn't the end of the world. Also it counts as a disability if you need that sort of thing.

I don't know if high functioning autism is just the pathologization of introversion.

I see "autistic" people that got diagnosed as kids behaving just like me.

>>34998793
Then you're probably a Sperg. Not definitely though since I'm not an expert. Don't self-diagnose. You can get help through shit like speech therapy if you take the initiative to see a doctor of a psychologist.

Boy, you're an assburgers if I've ever seen one. You might be the king of aspergers matter of fact.

>>34998247
Also,

>Bounce when I walk
>People easily manipulate me despite my silence
>Was notorious for being immature in high school
>Have a total lack of empathy for people outside of my immediate family, but my sister doesn't
>Have to stay away from people to stay safe in this world, but a lot of people do
>Eat the skin of my lips, fingers, and toes, but that's likely just a bad-habit.
>Don't know if I have attention to detail
>Don't have any minds to juxtapose my own against
>Don't have any friends in real life
>Don't understand why people desire certain things
>Always felt out of place in school
>Never really wanted to integrate into any sort of group
>School counselor's tried to place me into special classes when I was a kid
>Stand with a very strange posture and can barely see when I'm outside, but that's likely because I'm never outside
>Have a bad feeling people can tell I'm "off", but my family is blind to it

>>34998247
>>34998366
>>34998540
>>34998657
>>34998973
Typed all of this out?
Yep son, looks like you have autism

what exactly do you want help with my dude

you've just spent like 4 posts describing your eccentricities via greentext

seems like you're pretty aware of how autistic you are

>>34999047
That's what's so strange about it.
How can I simultaneously be so aware and so influenced by it? This is where I doubt that I have it in the first place.

>>34998247
I mean...
I'm a diagnosed aspergers person, and I have sensory integration disorder, bipolar type 2, and ADHD. I only recently started mental health medication in the past year.

So I have not really had many problems with coordination and balance. I can play FPS games pretty well, I can aim above average, and I can run and bike really well, although admittedly I have done these things for years.

I have been known to have a weird posture and walk, but over the years(after being made fun of for it to)I became more aware of it and started straightening my back out and walking with more of a presence, and now that's better.

I'm still kind of bad at coordination sometimes, like my hand will float through the cupboard to grab things and shit, but it's alot better.

According to my mother, when I was young, I would cry and scream when I ate pudding because of the smooth texture, but now I'm A ok when eating things. I also hated changes in routine to the point where after school I would cry if I immediately didn't have a snack.

Now routines are not a big deal anymore. I actually perform better with adaptability now. I can still do structured shit though.

I still have issues though. I have problems throwing a ball, I suck into my mind easily(I really enjoy having escapist fantasies. I watch a cartoon or something and imagine the cast with me helping me and guiding me through the day giving me advice. Honestly though it's kind of fun.), math I'm pretty good at, etc.

Some things I have to practice constantly to get down, other things just come very naturally to me while others have issues that I never had. We're all different dude. You honestly just sound like you might be a bit sheltered. Everybody has habits. It don't make you a autist.

>>34999132
>I would cry and scream because of the smooth texture

>wtf is this shit ma? why dis puddin so smoove? *starts flipping shit in excitement*

>>34999132
I seem to have a few issues like you, but I've overcome them just by being aware of what they are and how they happen, and I become mindful of what I'm doing. You might say
>but i suck into my mind too easily to be mindful
Well, maybe do what I do sometimes: use the characters in your head to help guide you. If your characters are focused on your surroundings, you will be as well, and if you have a character guiding you in your head who is someone like say, Zuko from Avatar(autistic IK), then maybe you'll notice shit really well from them pointing it out.

As for conversations, just relax, chill out. It really helps to just talk yourself up before going into a social setting. Just make yourself out to be a god in your head, and you'll go in with confidence. Also, walk with your fucking back straight. Posture is important for confidence. And make sure you brush your hair and keep it straight and pretty. Your presentation definitely helps you get confidence.

And, if it fails, just remember: typically people you meet in day to day situations are in your life for but a fraction of a second compared to the grand scheme of things. Why worry what the plebeian thinks? He should be glad you graced him with your presence. Never apologize to others or feel inferior to someone else. Your qualities make you special. Perhaps even better than others in some way.

Your mannerisms don't have to be a curse. If you need it to, and if you manipulate it, you can use them as a powerful force and tool that others don't have.

>>34999132
I don't understand how I can share so much in common with you.

I have a feeling Aspergers isn't even real.

>>34999116
nothing about being autistic means you have to be in denial of being autistic. i am perfectly aware of all of my weird idiosyncrasies and cognitive distortions and yet they persist. you can't just will yourself out of your brain chemistry by being cognizant of it

autism (well, aspergers, i guess) isn't some kind of illness where you take a blood test and the doctor is like "yup you've got the 'tism buddy," it's a broad set of common behaviors that tend to manifest uniformly among enough people that it makes sense to call it a syndrome

so like, if you act like an autist, that is pretty much what an actual doctor would look at to determine whether or not you're autistic. your awareness of your autistic actions has no impact either way.

like i, for example, recognize that i could walk into one psych office and answer their questions one way and come out with a diagnosis of autism. i could also go in, behave another way, and come out with a clean mental bill of health. it doesn't matter what a doctor thinks or doesn't think, especially because there's not actually a pharmacological treatment for autism or anything. it just might inform what kind of therapy they pursue and you might be able to apply for benefits, etc.

if you really want to "know" for sure then go see someone who could diagnose you. but be aware that it will not change anything about your behavior. so what good is there in "knowing"?

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>>34998698
>There are no benefits to it,
>he doesn't want NEETbux

>>34999236
It's called high-functioning autism, Anon.

>>34999278
If he was diagnosed as a child, he would have had an easier time getting the neetbux now. Social workers are skeptical enough to turn away legit autists who need help on the idea that they can still get a job and function.

>>34999236
I only took a cursory glance over the contents of the posts because of the character limit, but let me see...
>Obsessive behavior
Depends. If it's something I'm interested in then get out of the fucking way because I'll be researching the shit out of it. Then again, who doesn't like learning about things that interest them? This really isn't that big of a problem unless it's like, you're obsessed with cleaning. I kind of have a problem where I'm obsessively chewing my nails, but I'm aware of it and I am being mindful of the present and preventing myself from doing it. So far I haven't chewed or bit my toes in about 5 days.
>Trouble speaking with humans
You mentioned isolation. I mean, human beings need to talk to other human beings to develop the skill of communication. It's a skill like any other. Practice builds the skill. You aren't just born to communicate perfectly. This isn't really indicative of aspergers. Though aspergers can lead to issues in the brain involving learning communication. I had trouble like I said in my previous post, but I overcame it by being mindful.
>Audio levels
Idk what the big deal is here. I have my amp turned up full blast, and when I can, I turn the volume on my PC up full blast and blare music. I like to immerse myself to fully enjoy the songs. Nothing wrong with it. Just ties into escapism. I also like thinking of dramatic scenes to go along with the songs. It's fun.
>Jerking arm
Eh. Never had this problem.
>Can't throw a ball
See prev post
>Double knot bunny ear shoe laces
I do that shit too nigga. Fuck tying shoes. I just tuck that shit in anyway. It's a pain in the ass worrying about it everyday.

>>34998366
>Look back on conversations
I do this as well, only for the slightly psychopathic reason to study how I could have maybe manipulated the conversation in my favor. Studying over past conversations is a good way to learn when you can interject something in the future that is relevant to the conversation. I also learned to slow the fuck down this way. It's ok to not be fast in conversations. Sometimes pausing to think in one shows you're listening and the participants appreciate this and like you and respect you for it. Also, slow the fuck down while talking. It makes you more powerful when speaking.
>Completely lose mind under pressure
Again, I suggest mindfulness and meditation and just pepping yourself up. Although, I would recommend maybe seeing a psych for some meds to slow your mind down a little. Maybe an anti-psychotic or something? Anti-anxiety shit? I dunno.
>Feel like human beings are nothing but rocks
Me too. The only humans I care about are those who have gone out of their way to show compassion and love for me. I love my mother and grandparents, but I still anger easily with them and what I per see as their futilely stupid ways. I don't understand why people get mad over trivial bullshit like a vacuum breaking. I don't understand why people get sad over a fucking thing like a mouse breaking. I do understand why people get sad for someone dying of course. Honestly though this is a plus in some cases. Remember during conversing with people, remember they are nothing to you. They have no sway or power in your life in the grand scheme of things. In years from now, you will not remember them. They are unimportant.
>Never know what another person is thinking aside from obvious shit
Just gotta pay attention to faces. Settle down, observe. Try to feel the energy in the air if that makes sense. You can sense tension and calm in the air. It's an evolutionary instinct.
>Smiling
Smiling can be false. Just try to think of the context, see if the smile fits

>autistically theorising over whether he has autism
You might as well stop asking now, anon.

>>34998366
>Constantly repeat words and phrases when I write
I do this as well! I like to write stories and things, and I have this problem to a great degree sometimes. I kind of have stopped it by just branching out and reading things other people have written, and trying to refactor sentences. I also have an issue where I will be doing a math problem and I'll "stop thinking", and just start writing it down over and over again, expecting it to do itself. I have now begun to stop this and instead dedicate that time to THINK, and now I'm much better at math.
>Terrible hand writing
I had ABYSMAL handwriting. Everyone told me so. But now it's A LOT better. I'm not sure why either. I hardly ever write with a pen anymore other than to write out shit for math problems. I guess I just practiced my grip and I hold the pen loosely now, and I exert more pressure, but also go more quickly. If you go quickly, but not so fast you are a retard with it, you will have less margin for error. The slower you write or draw something, like a line, the more time you have to fuck up and make it crooked. You must draw it or write it quicker before you have the time to fuck it up.
>Don't share what I like with other people cus I'm terrified they'll reject me
I am as well. I am self conscious in that regard. I'm just trying now to actively not give a fuck. Just stop caring. It sounds hard, but it gets easier.
>if I'm hungry I can't think
Me too. But I'm T1 diabetic and it feels like a hole is in my stomach.
>Don't know if I'm just a pussy
I am/was a pussy, but now I'm taking steps to fix it by taking into consideration all of the advice I said above.
>People call me an awkward person
Me too. Not so much anymore since doing the shit above. Again, just fucking settle down and just let confidence and shit beam off you nig. It'll show. Be the alpha.

>>34999601
At least 2 anons here doing this.

>>34999703
the answer to their question is a big yes

>>34999703
It's all me, the OP.

The other anon is diagnosed and simply responding to my request.

>>34998540
>Constantly walk around in circles and imagine
>Essentially pace when I think, but no-one else in my family does this
I do these too. With fantasies I like to get involved sometimes, and with vivids ones especially I tend to be kind of animate. Having a bike really helps. I like to get on my bike when I feel energetic and just go get into one of these fantasies. Yesterday I was the sole survivor of a failing space station using the last escape ship to pilot myself out of the engine tunnels. Shits fun yo. And with walking around when thinking, so? People do that shit all the time. Some people fiddle with things when they think. Perfectly normal.
>Never kissed a girl before
I'm 18 and never have either. Who cares. It'll come in due time. When you meet that lady who connects with you, and you will, she's out there somewhere, it'll be 10x better. Then again, I also don't care if I do, because I tend to think I will be better alone anyway. I'm not a depressive about it though, I just don't want someone slowing me down.
>People superior to me did so
Don't fucking think like that. That's fucking retarded. Don't automatically assume someone who did something you didn't is better than you. There are fucking fat 400 pound dumbass shitheads with 10 IQ who have kissed dumb shit licking fat ass redhead sluts. Is he better for it? Fuck no. He's a fucking loser who just took what he could. You're too good for that shit. You're someone who doesn't whore himself out like some desperate fuck.
>Get incredibly upset when I have to diverge from a routine
Yeah I think I covered this already. This is still not a big problem or an aspy thing. A lot of people crave structure. Especially people who have lived hectic and painful lives. They want order. They want to belong. It's why a society is built, even when one crumbles around them.

if you are going to try to make it work for you - resources to try to make your life better, etc - then a diagnosis is useful.

if you aren't, then don't bother.

>>34998540
>Wind up nervous and anxious for the next 2 hours
I still think you might want to try some anti-anxiety medication because it sounds like you might have a mild form of it. Other than that just look at what I said before.
>Get abnormally angry and upset over trivial things to others
Me too. Although I'm on fucking Ritalin now so that might not help. Today I blew up because my grandmother wouldn't let me use the stove and I started getting in her face. Then I fucking calmed down and realized what an idiot I was for that, and apologized like a respectable human being, and I decided to try to be mindful of the future and keep a lid on it. Then my grandmothers vacuum broke and she got pissed and tried to blame me, and I kind of snapped, but then I calmed down and when she left, I repaired the thing and she was grateful for it. Everyone was happy. I got satisfaction for helping too.
>Dad tells me I take everything literally
>Constantly mis-interpret metaphors
Me too. Sometimes it all goes over my head. Not sure about how to fix this one. When I find out I'll let you know. Heh.
>Terribly upset in large crowds
I was at first, but then I realized that crowds are the perfect camouflage. You just gotta realize everybodys doing their thing. This ain't no grade school. Nobody cares where you're going or what you're doing. Just another face in the crowd. Relax and go with the flow.
>Go hide in dark rooms after spending time in crowds
I do this though. I just get tired after social settings. I've heard other people say this as well. Maybe we just tire from it easily. I dunno.
>Don't know how to eat complicated food when around other humans
I do this as well. Also the same with eating inside fast food restaurants. When I need to, I just go take a break in the restroom for a while. And then come back and chill. Just chill. Again, see a shrink though about this. Sounds like some anxiety.

>>34998540
>Fine in 1 on 1 situations
Me as well. It's easier to observe a single complex thing as opposed to many complex things. That's understandable. Humans are complex things. Don't feel bad for not being able to read and interact with them. It takes practice and time.
>Freak out when by myself with a stranger and they've got malicious intent
Sorry, but no fucking shit! Who wouldn't freak out when there's a predatory animal near them? That's just flight or fight mode nigga. You just gotta learn that they're probably just a tiny little man. More pathetic than anyone else around you if they're trying to pick fights with people. Usually they are all talk. They want you to walk and run. If you just stay and calm down and relax and let it all roll off you, maybe even going as bold as to respond with your own verbal attacks, calmly though, they'll get fed up and leave. Although if you really don't want to it's fine. Just ignore the little shits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d2b-PwtagU
Just remember that video.
>Never check out girls in real life
I don't relate at all. I fucking am a ravenous pervert.
>Hug my sister rigidly
Eh. I have trouble showing affection. I boop the shit out of my sister but I think it's cute when she gets flustered.
>Don't like to give and receive hugs
Some people like having their personal space. So?
>Was taken advantage of by kids a year younger than me when I was 10 years old and still feel vulnerable to this day
Alright, well you had a bad experience, and your evolutionary instincts made it stick to help you survive further ones, and also makes you try to avoid situations like it in the future. That's my arm chair thoughts on that.
>Don't realize how much I enjoy childs cartoons because I can read the faces of the characters
Me too. Cartoons are supposed to be expressive though.

>>34998247
Diagnosed sperg here.

>Don't see myself as having obsessive behavior
I am generally only able to concentrate on or talk about my obsessions.
I will spend all day from wake until sleep engaged in them.

>Don't know if my trouble speaking with other human beings is wrought by my total isolation and developmental cut-off I did to myself by staying inside since I was 13
I suggest looking into PDD-NOS.

>Don't even know if I have sensory issues
I hate physical contact because it hurts.

>Didn't learn how to ride a bike until I was 16, and that was only because of poor co-ordination
I definitely have very bad coordination and that is common with spergs
>According to other people I suck into my mind easily
Same

>Feel completely over whelmed by everything I encounter in daily life, but don't know if this is just social anxiety
Who knows. Same.

>Sometimes need to look at my phone screen to calm down.
Ritualized behavior is a symptom

>>34998698
You won't be branded if you don't tell people about your diagnosis. It's confidential.

>>34998657
>Like drawings but hate studies about it
I'm like this with programming. I love programming but I hate studies about it and reading what other idiots 'think' about it. I'll fucking decide for myself on if framework x is a shitty one. Thanks. Unless the person I'm speaking to is a very experienced and reputable programmer who is putting up solid arguments and reasoning and I have no rebuttals of course. What use is an ideology if one is not flexible to it? You may as well be wearing shackles. Don't let your moral framework or whatever chain you. They're supposed to support you and prop you up and guide you. Not restrict you.
>People test me to see how I'll react to certain stimuli
wat. that's fucking weird. tell them to stop being assholes and stop fucking with you.
>One time I ran a shopping-cart into my dad because I was upset and couldn't see what was infront of me
Literally had the exact same issue happen when I was 11. I've seen it happen before too. People get upset and do bad shit.
>My mother is worried about me
Mothers worry about their kin. It's just evolution baby.
>People on 4chan call me autistic
Everyone calls everyone autistic on here. It's a fucking meme at this point. Hell, I'm officially diagnosed and I don't take it personally. Why should you? Who gives a fuck what the idiots on this site think? You don't know them, they don't know you, they don't care either. You shouldn't care either. You are but one person in a sea in this place. That's why I like it here.
>Never give other people compliments in real life
Me neither, unless they do something outstanding. Kinda think of it I also have problems saying "I love you" to my family. It's very rare I do it. I just am not an emotional person that much in that regard. It's fine though. I have accepted myself.

Maybe that's another thing that can help: acceptance. Accept yourself for who you are. Accept it's fine to be the way you are.

[cont]
But also, take into consideration the things that you don't like about yourself, and realize you can change them if you really try and be mindful of them. Like how I changed my walk and my handwriting and my speech mannerisms and my interactions with others. I've done a complete fucking 180 from the way I was just a year ago. And I'm proud. Be proud of yourself, laddy. Be proud of the progress you make. Be proud of the skills you do have. Feel empowered to have what others don't.

>>34998973
>Bounce when I walk
I did too. Did.
>People manipulate me despite my silence
No idea what that means to be honest.
>Notorious for being immature in high school
Aren't we all.
>Total lack of empathy for people outside my immediate family
Yeah me too. But like I said, why care? These people are in your life for but a fraction of a second in the grand scheme of things. If you were to worry about everyone in the world, you would die in an instant from the panic. You can't save everyone or help everyone or feel bad for everyone. It's impractical.
>Eat the skin of my lips fingers and toes
I already mentioned this.
>Don't have any minds to juxtapose my own against
Me neither. I have a journal and I log down my thoughts there. I am starting to think about just going to places like /sci/ and shit and just posting my theories on there and asking and debating people on there. I really wanna know if I'm correct about certain things I've come to learn about humans as a whole.
>Don't have any friends IRL
Me neither. I don't mind though. I have friends online. Better friends. I can also game with them. The fuck would I do irl ? Fuck them in the mouth? Gay.
>Don't understand why people desire certain things
Alright. You don't understand the human animal. I don't either. People are complicated. Sometimes, people themselves don't know what they want. Usually, someone says they want something, they want the complete opposite. It's a big mess.

>>34998973
>Always felt out of place
Me too. Then again I went out of my way to exclude myself from the masses around me. I didn't really care for it. I stopped caring too when I saw what the idiots around me did. Then again I was an arrogant little shit back them.
>School counselors tried to put me into special ed
They did to me too. I just didn't try in school. I quit school even. Then I got my GED in about a month with honors with minimal effort and no practice after being out of school for 5 years. I have drive and a reason to try and exert myself now.

Anyways, it really sounds like you just have some self confidence issues stemming from some bad experiences in the past, and this has exploded into an over arching mess of other issues as well. I'd recommend some therapy, but if you think that's too scary, maybe just go see a doc and tell him you want anti anxiety meds. They do help son.

And you can start repairing yourself right now as well by just taking into consideration the things I've said before. Just do it nig. You got the power.

I'd say more, but I'm hypoglycemic as a fucker and hungry, so I need to go eat.

Eh fuck it, I'll share an autistic tidbit from my journal in a sec after I get my food going. Maybe it'll help some.

>>35000319
Thanks anon.

I'm reading through everything you're placing down.

>>35000337
Oh yeah and here, I picked up this free kindle ebook a while back and it kind of set me down the path of self improvement
https://www.amazon.com/Universe-Doesnt-Give-Flying-About-ebook/dp/B005OMBTKY
Basically it's nihlism, although its not
>boo hoo nothing matters kil urself ;-;
It's more this
>This universe is a cold and random place, and it doesn't favor anyone, and it doesn't care for you. You have been granted something beautiful and rare: LIFE, and a BRAIN. You are intelligent enough to read and comprehend this sentence. You are intelligent enough to make your bed. You are intelligent enough to have dreams and make decisions. Therefore, you are intelligent enough to realize the factions:
>1: The chance of being born as a human is incredibly slim
>2: The chance of being born as a human who isn't disabled and or dead upon birth is also slim
>3: Life is incredibly short and we are here for a short while
>With that in mind, why not live every second to the fullest? Stop caring about your dumbass neighbors dog. Stop caring about that little fuck that flipped you off on the freeway. It doesn't matter. Why waste your precious seconds and time in this life being angry and depressed and scared? Get out there and live. Live nigger. Live.

Aspergers here. Mum refused to send me to a special needs school and I turned out more normal because of it.

My childhood was awful.

High school was better because of strict schedule.

University was a nightmare because of strangers + first time I had female classmates + random classes and times each term.

Now I am a NEET. I am 23 and have begun to learn how to drive. My hope is to get a "boring" same thing every day job.

I hate change and feel content doing repetitive things.

>>35000337
Alright I don't have much entries because I only just started writing in this thing, but here's the first page:
>"Blessed am I to have been given a (somewhat) functioning brain. Somewhat, because I am unfortunately plagued by a number of issues pertaining to my mental health. Still, at 18 1/2 years young, I consider myself to have grown wise beyond my years, teeming with echelons of untapped potential. I end this first entry with a thanks to a God I hope is listening. A thanks for allowing me to have this chance to draw breath and make a mark on a truly random and cold world."
Kinda cringy, but it's from the heart. Here's a good one and I think it could help out you:
>"The more I am knocked down, the stronger I become upon recovery. A warrior am I, one that fights not wars of guns and bombs, but wars of LIFE! The loneliness, the longing, the troubles. All is temporary. One must adapt. Endure. Evolve. Or perish. Or, worse. Submit. I won't submit, I am too proud. I would sooner die than give up. To give up is to spit in the face of what makes one great. When one is harmed, they heal and grow stronger so that in the future, the thing that harmed them never will harm them again. That's me. I am growing stronger with each painful impression."

Basically I just think that pain is a part of life, and you should try to welcome it, and not fear or shun it, because when it happens and you recover, you are stronger and better. To live in the past is to be depressed. To live in the future is to be fearful. To live in the present. That is the key. We can't affect our past, and we seldom can affect our future, but we have total 100% control over our present.

All pain is temporary. Even the African who is being tortured to death will eventually die and the pain will end. Remember that. Whatever troubles you now, is temporary.

>>34998247
I relate with you anon. It's a pretty cruel joke. I'm entirely human, but I don't take part in all the speaking they do, which seems to bother them.

>>35000617
This line of thinking got me from a depressed whiny little faggot who was on the verge of killing himself to a somewhat arrogant, more confident and calmed down GED recipient going to college for Comp Sci.

Could it fail? Could I fail? Of course. But I'm going to get through whatever life throws at me. Expecting failure is just going to lead me to it. But planning for it is never a bad thing in case it happens. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying.

But still, I do owe alot of my progress to the bipolar meds I take. They have really helped me get into the headspace and realize I HAVE the capacity to change.

Before I got them, I was a broken human. And then I got them, and I was an empty zombie. And then, I had to build myself up into what I am now. I essentially restarted. And I'm glad. I think this is what /x/ might call an ego death? Regardless I'm positive anyone can achieve this if they just stay mindful of their faults and put effort forth into changing.

I took the meds, and became a normal human being, and saw the destructive ways I had adopted from my mental issues, and I went and fixed them.

Alright son, here's what I think. Chances are, ya ain't a sperg, but if you really wanna fucking know, go get some scans done. I myself am a sperg, but I don't have near half the problems as you, also haven't had much funny business going on in my life either.
In short,

Go get checked if you wanna know you fucking sperg.

>>35000711
Damn I feel a lot better having related all that actually. Now the troubles of my day have kinda sunk away and I feel attuned with the world and myself more now. Damn I feel great. Thanks for making type all this shit out anon.