Greentext the most autistic thing a friend of yours has ever

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>>34941797
>Me and mom check it out and all we see is him taking a massive shit in the bathtub
>the shit was slowly going down the drain and smearing everything
>After he saw the look on my mom's face, he said "Oopsie daisy."

What in the everloving FUCK was your friend thinking

Anyway I've only known him for a couple years but my friend did this and it made me feel so fucking bad for him.

He's the one who got a blowjob recently though so he's somehow less autistic than me.

>>34941797
I went to a party in eight grade with a friend.
>me and friend (jonah)
>all party ppl asleep by 1
>except me and jonah
>jonah gives me a rapey look
>goes to each sleeping preteen boy
>removes blankets if they have any
>if theyre sleeping on their stomachs or something, he takes a big cheeky sniff of their butts
>i watch in awe as he violates everyone
>shoves his nose up everyones swampy ass and inhales
>tells me how much it smells like shit every time
Can someone explain what jonahwas trying to convey?

>>34941878

I honeslty have no idea. All I know is my mom was pissed and the bathtub smelled like shit for a while.

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>>34941797
>6th grade, 2006
>new school year, try to make new friends
>get sat next to "that kid" in language arts class
>everyone seems to know hes weird except me
>he gets bullied one day and i console him after class
>we eventually bond and meet up before class to talk about nintendo DS stuff
>invite him to my house for a sleepover
>give him my house phone number so our parents can talk
>he calls later that day while im not home
>my dad tells me he called, left a voicemail
>we listen to it
>he gleefully sang the entire Hamtaro theme song, then gave vocal directions on how to get to his house from my neighborhood. Number of turns, street names and all
>dad doesn't let him come over
>his mom puts him in homeschool a few days later

To this fucking day I have no idea why he did that. Wouldn't surprise me if he ended up here too.

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>>34941797
>not really my friend
>my sister's friend Thomas
>Thomas is maximo autism
>orbits her violently
>starts latching on to me as soon as I interact with him
>we have similar interests, whatever
>keeps trying to goad me into hanging out with him
>all he seems to do is complain about no gf
>I don't really hang out ever anyway so I brush it off

>my sister is on and off dating this complete shit head
>they've broken up several times
>he's terrible, calls her a whore and a slut because he's insecure
>she works with people and he doesn't like that
>here comes Thomas the orbiter to the rescue
>has loads of money, buys her dinner and all of these things
>essentially an emotional tampon, genuinely feel bad for him
>he says he's not in love with her but he's clearly full of shit
>he doesn't seem to have a clue about boundaries or anything of that sort

>my sister and I are very close
>she likes self-help books so I decide to pick one up for her
>when I mention it to him, he immediately has a book he wants to buy her too
>the book is a complete long-shot from what she needs
>it's basically a huge "I hate your boyfriend so, so much! He's a terrible person!" book
>he's not tasteful about it in the slightest and it makes me uncomfortable
>mfw watching him buy it all excitedly
>my sister is very put off by it when I mention it to her

He's not a bad person at all and I know he has her best interests at heart, but jesus.

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>>34941797
>friend hosted bonfire party for our little sperg/reject group in HS
>we all go a bit drunk and snuck back into the house once we heard his parents were leaving for the night
>flipping though cable channels and he pauses on some softcore skinemax shit for a bit
>awkward silence until another friend blurts out "you guys like tits huh?"
>some guys awkwardly laugh
>"well I've got some shit to show you then"
>he pulls grabs friends laptop and pulls up some furry porn
>"this shit is good right guys?"
>awkward silence til friend who was hosting asks him what the fuck is wrong with him
>he honestly can't understand what he's doing wrong
>pulls up some more furry porn
>friend gets mad and grabs laptop back
>everyone does their best to brush off what happened
>the next morning he tries to play it off as a drunk prank
>he never gets invited to another party
That's not even the most autistic thing he did though, we learned a few months later when he invited us over and left his unlocked laptop out in the open that he was running a tumblr where he pretended to be a 15 year old girl posting porn (mostly furry) and describing how he masturbated to it

>>34942129
>>34942369
>>34942778


weird place america

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>>34941797
>read this and panicked because my name is Robert
>read third line
>breathe a sigh of relief because I have never been to a girl's birthday party
wew

>>34941797
What the fuck, I have a friend named robert and he came over in elementary school and wound up shitting himself super hard, too. I've got atrocious OCD so I still can't use the towel he used to clean it

>>34943206

Multi-dimensional hivemind.