Make a wish to the monkeys paw, the person after you corrupts

File: 1486058321389.jpg (111KB, 560x740px) Image search: [Google]

111KB, 560x740px

>>34936295
Wish granted, but your dick falls off

>>34936295
>I wish I was a master at all of the visual arts
Wish granted, but your art is so ahead of it's time that your vision goes unappreciated until 50 years after your death causing you to die penniless and alone.

>I wish I was able to speak to the dead

>>34936445
Wish granted, but even they find you creepy and uninteresting and won't answer/reply

>I wish I could hypnotize people to do mi will by looking at them

File: kaiki.jpg (115KB, 500x709px) Image search: [Google]

115KB, 500x709px

>>34936445
Wish granted, but the dead can't obviously answer

I wish my dick falls off

>>34936503
Wish granted but every time you piss your balls get soaked in urine not matter how hard you try to keep them dry.

I wish all the normies would go away.

>>34936502
Wish granted
but when you hypnotise people they can never be set out of their trance, if left alone will stand In trance until they die
>also your dick falls off

>>34936502
>I wish I could hypnotize people to do mi will by looking at them
Wish granted, but you have to look them in the eye to hypnotize them so your autism invariably thwarts your plans.

>I wish I could live in a cabin in the woods.

>>34936590
Granted, but you can never, ever leave.

File: fuura.png (480KB, 848x482px) Image search: [Google]

480KB, 848x482px

>>34936561
Wish granted but it'll be just me and you posting here after the normies leave

I wish I don't have to ever work in my life but still be able to live comfortably and have enough money to spend on my hobbies

>>34936601
>this is supposed to be a corruption of my wish
joke's on you, monkey paw

>>34936574
Nice counter desu, could still use that power to mysteriously kill many people and enslave others
>>34936590
kek, good one too
>>34936561
Granted, but society crumbles into chaos and anarchy for not having functional people running stuff and you die in the first night of the robot purge
>>34936590
Granted, but the woods are actually a super humid super haunted silent hill tier swamp

>>34936295
>I wish for a girlfriend
>Wish granted, she's a psychopathic yandere
THATS A DREAM COME TRUE

>>34936626
Granted but a gay nigger is your source of income and you have to provide that boipussy every single night to keep getting the money

I wish I could teleport like in the movie "jumper" with full control of the ability

>>34936786
He has he doesn't have to work. You're making him a prostitute

File: tmp_21642-9ec4181222fc59ee219585cc98c3d7a1b547aafd5bbe40af7bf887f9592e152e-854622362.jpg (377KB, 2042x500px) Image search: [Google]

377KB, 2042x500px

Sort of off topic, but is there any manga with a monkey paw theme? I really like stories with unintended consequences. Those stories were my favorite when I was watching the old twilight zone.

>>34936786
You 'jump' 150ft above or below your intended target

>I wish for regular bowel movements for the rest of my life

>>34936939
Bowel movements happen at very specific times, but are always uncontrollable, immediate and more liquid than solid.

>Wish I would succeed with my music career.

>>34937016
You become the biggest music star ever born, but not only do you lose your hearing, your sanity from being in the spotlight slowly fades until you're a parody of the singer you currently hate the most.

>I wish I could go back in time to when I was 6 and relive my life better this time

>>34936939
Granted, you involuntarily take a 10 kilo shit every 30 minutes for the rest of your life, on the nanogram and on the nanosecond. They're so regular that you can adjust scientific equipment after them!

>I wish I could shapeshift myself and others into any form of my choice

>>34936939
Granted, but you can't control when it comes out, so if you're not on the toilet in time you'll just shit yourself

>I wish I could just live a simple and happy life on the bay

>>34937046
Your life is better until it ends playing with your friends in the street

>I wish I had the respect of my father

>>34937046
You get incurable cancer once you hit adulthood.

>I wish I was a 10/10 girl.

>>34937089
You live a happy life on the bay as Otis Redding, a known nigger who dies in a plane crash at 26.

>I wish I was a beastmaster, having control over all creatures non human.

>>34937111
You get your wish but all men are intimidated by you and all women are jealous of you so you are alone for the rest of your life.

>I wish I no longer had to sleep

>>34937100
>I wish I had the respect of my father
Wish granted, but he only respects you because you were man enough to kill yourself for being such a failure.

>>34937111
Granted, the 10/10 being from the perspective of a major hyper-bbw fetishist. You're now the size of small house.

I wish I had a benevolent and competent genie who gave me three wishes, free of charge.

>>34937198
You're in a coma, what feels like weeks in the coma are mere seconds in real life. You are of course having what would feel like an eternal nightmare.

>>34937198
It's insominia.

>>34937235
The genie is holding a monkey paw...

>I wish I invented facebook

>>34937183
>>I wish I was a beastmaster, having control over all creatures non human.
Wish granted, but you mistakenly think black people are not human and when you order a black man to "Get over here right now, nigger," your beastmaster skills fail you and he beats you to death with his bare hands.

File: ClydeCash.jpg (5KB, 170x227px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 170x227px

well I am an mtf person of size, and I would wish for a chad bf.

>>34937198
Granted but you cannot possibly sleep anymore. Not even for surgical procedures

>>34937264
>Chad leaves you for a better person by the end of the week
I wish /r9k/ would allow loli posting

>>34937249
You invent Facebook, put in all the hard work but get Zuckerbergedout of all your money

>>34937249
David Lynch makes a movie about you and the whole world thinks you're the biggest asshole alive.

>>34937282
Wish granted but it's illegal and you get sent to prison.

>I wish I could know everything about every subject that interest me

>>34937289
*David Fincher

>>34937282
>better person.
lol made me laugh, I better than most people

>>34937282
30 seconds after it does it becomes classed as CP and you end up in jail 4 ever as the public cum sock

>>34937309
Wish granted. I don't even have to corrupt it, knowing everything worth knowing would be boring as fuck.

>>34937282
Hiroshima Nagasaki deletes the board under pressure from Trump to crack down on imagined child pornography

>I wish I could live until age 100 completely healthy

>>34937309
Your only interest are animes.

>I wish I could change peoples feelings about me by touching them.

>>34937235
Granted, but all 3 wishes have to be the same

I wish all 3 levels of government in my country, and all intelligence agencies as well as financial agencies agreed on giving me $1000 a week every week for the next 70 years.

>>34937322
>knowing everything worth knowing would be boring as fuck.
How? Only if you don't actually use the knowledge.

>not wanting to BTFO anons in every internet argument you get into

>>34937342

Wish granted, but you can never control nor predict what feelings they could have for you, some could start feeling an uncontrollable urge to just kill you.

>I wish the force existed and that I was sensitive to it (MIDICHLORIAN COUNTS)

>>34937264
Long time no see, Clyde Cash. Are you /ourguy/?

I wish I was omnipotent. and there are no downsides.


>>34936343
under8ed comment

>>34937309
Granted but you lose and cannot retain general knowledge. You can only think and speak of those subjects so people will find you boring.

>I wish I could see in the dark

>>34937344
They'll give you the money, but you have to do back breaking manual labor 14 hours per day 7 days a week or you get nothing.

>I wish pokemon were real

>>34937344
It's Zimbabwe dollars

>>34936295
I wish I had regenerative powers/accelerated healing factor like dead pool. I could take anything without dieing.

>>34937342
Granted, they all become disgusted.
>I wish all women became naturally extremely muscular, while still remaining feminine and pretty

>>34937344
>I wish all 3 levels of government in my country, and all intelligence agencies as well as financial agencies agreed on giving me $1000 a week every week for the next 70 years.
Wish granted but it's payment for subjecting you to horrendous physical and psychological experiments that make your life unbearable.

>>34937380
Real Clyde Cash here, just been keeping it real in Australia. Still the puppet master behind all of CWCs down comings/`

>>34937331
>I wish I could live until age 100 completely healthy
Wish granted but around age 30 a spontaneous nuclear war kills all of humanity, including everyone you love right in front of your eyes, and you spend the next 70 years completely alone, with none of the comforts of civilization, knowing that you are the last human that will ever live and that your existence is meaningless.

>>34937309
wish granted but you will know things you never wanted to know and it will make you go completely insane.

>>34937464
Lol nice one that actualluy sounds /comfy/

>>34937407
granted, but activating your X factor gene leaves you the same color, shape, size and appearance of shrek. You become a near immortal green ogre with an ogresized cock.

>>34937464
>knowing that you are the last human that will ever live and that your existence is meaningless

It isn't already?

>>34937415
They also become very aggressive and start hating men and beating them up. And stop having sex with them.

>I wish Trump would die of a heart attack after eating too much junk food

>>34937497
>You become a near immortal green ogre with an ogresized cock.
Yes, and?

>>34937415
>I wish all women became naturally extremely muscular, while still remaining femenine and pretty
Granted, but you're still a huge beta, and you have a chance with none of them.

>I wish I had extreme weight-loss and muscle building capabilities

>>34937381
>I wish I was omnipotent. and there are no downsides.
Wish granted but your first order of business is to make yourself live for a million years but after a thousand years of being able to do whatever you want, you've done everything you could think of and you have to live for another 999,000 years with nothing interesting to do.

>>34936295
I wish I could be a super sayian, without any physical inhibitors, or going blind when I do it.

>>34937514
Granted, but your wife's son also dies from being stabbed by peaceful immigrants

>>34937381
>I wish I was omnipotent. and there are no downsides.
Wish granted, you become one with the absolute and shed the foolish concept of "self"

>>34937502
>It isn't already?
yes, but this highlights that truth and suicide is not an option.

>>34937535
just make myself not bored simple.

>>34937391
>Granted but you lose and cannot retain general knowledge. You can only think and speak of those subjects so people will find you boring.
this is already how i am

>>34937539
granted. you are a super sayan, but you are ugly as sin, sexless, genderless and four feet tall

I wish to touch a beautiful soul

>>34937539
Wish granted, but now other sayains will hunt you down and try and kill you
>I wish I were one inch taller to make me 6'0

File: 1471792461686.png (416KB, 960x986px) Image search: [Google]

416KB, 960x986px

>>34937595
I am ugly, I am a virgin and I am 4'5"

>>34937595
>I wish to touch a beautiful soul
Wish granted but the beautiful soul does not want to touch you so you get put into prison for soul rape

>>34937595
>Ugly as sin

Eh, I'll just get plastic surgery

>Implying I'm not already sexless

>Genderless

I'll just have the doctors sow a dick on me

>And four feet tall

>Implying that matters when I have the power to destroy a planet at will.

>>34937612
>I wish I were one inch taller to make me 6'0
Wish granted, but the inch comes off of your dick.

>>34937612
Your dick gets one inch smaller.

>>34937612
>I wish I were one inch taller to make me 6'0
You must grow the extra inch by trading in your arms. One arm for half an inch.

File: 1486622795683.jpg (120KB, 392x495px) Image search: [Google]

120KB, 392x495px

I wish my dad were still alive

>>34937528
Wish granted but you can only lose weight and build muscle on your butt and your face.

I wish I felt happy

>>34937680
wish granted but hes a zombie

>>34937680
He is a live but no an abusive alcoholic

>I wish to have the power to implant thoughts in someones mind at will

Can't debuff that one now can you?

>>34937694
Wish granted but the only thing that makes you feel happy is pain so you have to spend your life looking for ways to hurt yourself if you want to be happy.

>I wish I could have a job studying groups of animals in their natural habitats

>>34937709
Granted, but that someone is yourself.

>>34937709
>I wish to have the power to implant thoughts in someones mind at will
Wish granted but they know you're the one implanting the thoughts and they tell you to fuck off.

I wish to be able to work without being in great pain.

>>34937709
If you do it you get a severe migraine for the rest of your life. For every time you do it, your migraine doubles in strength

>>34937709
That person also is fully aware you did it and will do everything possible to kill you.

>>34937709
You're braindead

>>34937739
>>34937744
>>34937752
>>34937754
Dammit, I thought that one was impenetrable.

>>34937736
You can only study animals in Antarctica

>every single wish is a variation of 'lol u died'

bland faggots the lot of you

>>34937786
Did you even read the thread? Contribute yourself if no one else is creative enough for you.

>>34937748
Granted. Here's some heroin for the pain.

>I wish I had some ice cream.

>>34937748
You can now work without physical pain, but all your coworkers at every job you get are assholes who make your life miserable
I wish I had an unlimited supply of high quality rums and whiskies

>>34937680
Wish granted but he has no memory of who you are.

>I wish I had the solution for how to run a perfect society where everyone has a good life and an important role to play

>>34937853
nigga you literally did nothing

>>34937709
Granted, you do so by putting random thoughts of theirs in your mind. Even if you know the thoughts are theirs, you can't help but agree. If you received a thought about being hungry, you become hungry. If you received a thought from a budding school shooter, you might shoot up the school. If you received a thought about buying a car being a good, you might overcharge your bank account if they're richer than you. You can't control what thoughts you receive.

>>34937859
>where everyone has a good life and an important role to play
Exept for you

>>34937853
Abrakadabra, you know have an infinite supply of high quality rums and whiskys.

But you have to carry the weight of infinite volumes of liquid in your pockets.

>>34937830
Wish granted but it is garlic butter pecan.
>I wish I could fart on command

>>34937859
Granted.

But it's too complicated to be able to ever explain it to anyone.

>>34937877
nice answer

>>34937875
>I wish I was the top scoring school shooter.

>>34937893
Granted. But now you feel like you always need to fart.

>I wish I had a friend.

>>34937893
50/50 chance you shit a little.

>>34937830
you get a teaspoon of fat free, sugar free vomit and dogshit flavored ice cream
>>34937859
Everyone in said society decides that you no longer have an important role to play, so they put you in a Matrix style VR prison, which is exactly like today's society, except you are a paraplegic homeless man

My wish is to have all my physical Imperfections, perfected, and to be the picture perfect strong hung fit male (a slightly smaller Arnold Schwarzenegger) without the need to workout or eat.

>>34937853
Granted but the only rums and whiskies you get are new age non alcoholic brands (alcohol removed post creation)

>>34937893
Wish granted but you also shit yourself every time you fart

>I wish I could make a clone of myself to be best friends with

>>34937929
Granted.

But now your cock is 0.5" big erect because the genie comes from Ancient Greece.

>>34937935
Wish granted. Your clone forges plans in the darkness...

>>34936343
>>34936445
>>34936502
>>34936503
>>34936561
>>34936574
>>34936590
>>34936601
>>34936626
>>34936672
>>34936695
>>34936761
Wish all granted but your dicks falls off

>>34937935
Wish granted but your clone can only repeat everything you say

>>34937539
Wish granted, but now you've invoked the existence of Freeza into our reality.
Him and his minions come to earth to kill off the last saiyan that he somehow avoided and billions of people die.

File: noose.jpg (43KB, 564x423px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 564x423px

>>34937929
>hung fit male
Wish granted, enjoy looking beautiful for your death.


>I wish I had two anuses.

>>34937929
>My wish is to have all my physical Imperfections, perfected, and to be the picture perfect strong hung fit male (a slightly smaller Arnold Schwarzenegger) without the need to workout or eat.
Wish granted but you fall in love with your own image like narcissus and do nothing but take oiled up selfies of your body for instagram

>>34937929
>non alcoholic spirits
how the fuck would that work?
>>34937881
in that case, I wish for a pocket dimension in my pockets, thus giving them infinite space and making anything within weightless

>>34937935
Your clone has a much more successful life than you.

>>34937986
Wish granted, all your alcohol has now fallen into the infinite void as well as anything else you put into your pockets.

>>34937989
If he was my best friend I don't see why that's a problem

>>34937989
>Your clone has a much more successful life than you.
the only good clone is a dead clone

>>34937986
>in that case, I wish for a pocket dimension in my pockets, thus giving them infinite space and making anything within weightless
Wish granted but the pocket dimension is full of radioactivity and you get cancer of the testicles

>>34937982
Granted. you become very popular in the gay community for this, but you are now twice as likely to get AIDS, and you are guaranteed to get an untreatable form of colon cancer in 10 years or less

I wish I didn't have anxiety problems anymore

>>34938081
Granted. Now you have paranoid schizophrenia

>>34938081
Granted.

But now you never feel anxious about anything ever so act like an autist and say embarrassing things about yourself without thinking about.

File: 1481993420379.png (497KB, 1000x1000px) Image search: [Google]

497KB, 1000x1000px

>>34938081
>doesn't modify someone else's wish

here's your (You)

>>34937914
Wish granted but your friend only keeps you around to feel better about himself

Alternatively...
Wish granted but your friend is extremely boring and you don't enjoy spending time with him

I wish men could take pills with zero health risks that turned you into a cute trap and that these pills were legal and freely distributed by all governments in the entire world

>>34938039
You want to see an exact copy of yourself live the life you always dream of?

>>34938135
I modified like 20 wishes already but the people modifying aren't putting down their own wishes and I don't want the thread to die.

>I wish for infinite (You)s

>>34937859
granted, but all humans are secretly plugged into a virtual reality at birth by aliens who only wish to harvest your blood to drink as wine

Give me the ability to see the future

I wish I had

File: 1418804654673.jpg (663KB, 850x1200px) Image search: [Google]

663KB, 850x1200px

>>34937982
Granted, but the second anus is on your forehead.

>I wish I found $500 worth of untraceable, unauditable, legal US bills every morning in my pocket

>>34938144
>cute trap
Wish granted. You can now take pills that will turn you into a bear-trap with some cat-ears on it.

>I wish for a (you)

>>34938156
If a genetic copy of me could do it, I don't see what's stopping me. Also, If he's my best friend he'd have no issues helping reach the same point too

>>34938144
Wish granted but most people think traps are an abomination so they shun them from society and hang them in the streets

File: 1470518617795.png (171KB, 386x386px) Image search: [Google]

171KB, 386x386px

>>34938165
Granted, but they're on a Russian version of 4chan that you can't translate

>I wish to live in a technopunk universe where I get to lead a long, interesting life

>>34938173
There's also a deadly scorpion in your pocket

>>34938178
Wish granted, but I hate you

I wish my dick would fall off.

>>34938173
Granted, you know receive $500 electric bills every morning.

>>34938197
Granted, and then it immediately regrows, but uglier this time.

File: lou pearlman.jpg (75KB, 702x478px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 702x478px

>>34938173
>I wish I found $500 worth of untraceable, unauditable, legal US bills every morning in my pocket
Wish granted but they're put there by your rich sugar daddy Lou Pearlman for your superb performance in bed the night before

>>34938191
Granted.

But that life is the life of an existential novel protagonist so you will be constantly depressed.

>>34938191
Granted, but your death is long and incredibly excruciating.

>I wish I was deaf

I wish for universal enthalpy to be reached

>>34938245
Granted. But you can't silence your inner despair.

>>34938245
fair trade

Granted, but now you can never close your eyes again.

>I wish I made an uncorruptible wish

>>34938245
Granted, but you have phantom limb syndrome where you hear spooky voices who try to perturb you.

>>34938191
Wish granted but you're actually living inside a comic book and you snap out of existence when the kid's mom throws the comic in the trash while cleaning his room

>I wish I could speak Russian

>>34938262
Granted.

But the wish you get is that you get kicked in the nuts. Granted.

>>34938262
>I wish I made an uncorruptible wish
Wish granted but your dick also falls off

>>34938252
Granted but your Reddit account you used to come up with this shit tier meme is permanently revoked and all of your retarded self esteem boosting points are equally distributed among the other users, just like Sanders intended

File: 1219772285934.png (45KB, 1017x838px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 1017x838px

picture related

hiroshima nagasakiblox

>>34938273
Granted.

But you can't stand being in cold places for very long.

> I wish I knew the future.

>>34938304
Granted.

But it also caused WW3 which they lose and get raped by the nigger army leading Japan to be 100% Blasian.

>>34938304
Wish granted but they were too busy running the world to create anime

>I wish I could live as a character inside any movie, book or fictional story that has written and change stories or characters whenever I feel like it

>>34938305
Granted.

But you can't actually effect the future, you just have the misfortune of knowing all the bad things that will happen to you that you can't do anything about.

>>34936445
more like penisless

I wish for a million dollars

>>34938345
Granted but in order to change stories you have to kill yourself and end the tale early.

>>34938403
Wish was actually not granted by the monkey paw for being so incredibly unoriginal
congrats

>>34938403
Granted. One million Zimbabwean dollars coming straight up.

>>34938403
Wish granted, but it's Zimbabwe dollars

>I wish to have full control over people's minds i.e. control what they feel think and want

File: 1487042055785.gif (1000KB, 500x387px) Image search: [Google]

1000KB, 500x387px

>I wish to die with no regrets.

Don't respond .

>>34938403
Granted, you're airdropped at the reward location, which happens to be in a colombian favela.

>>34938345
Granted, but the only characters you're able to change into are extras or miscellaneous ones that die horrible deaths, and while you can change the story at will, you immediately lose all creativity upon the wish being granted.

>I wish I enjoyed playing video games again

>>34938432

Granted, but you will be imobile, deaf and blind.

>I wish for the Switch to be released tommorow already

>>34938432
Granted.

But you don't know how to use this power.

File: 1486352450882.jpg (10KB, 282x310px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 282x310px

>>34938425
>>34938432
Im completely fine with this
>wish granted but whoever you mind control will know you made them feel or act the way you did and hate you

File: 1486336782694.jpg (272KB, 682x682px) Image search: [Google]

272KB, 682x682px

>>34938450
Granted. Everything goes as expected. What were you thinking?

File: 1457930343019.png (716KB, 765x1080px) Image search: [Google]

716KB, 765x1080px

>>34938450
Granted, but the price increased to $100,000.

>I wish I had a maid that did all of the cleaning/cooking/shopping for me

>>34937264
Wish granted. No buts because your life sounds bad enough as it is.

>>34938480
Granted, you're forced to move back in with your mom again.

>>34938291
>not wanting comfy universal soup memes
>knows how reddit works

Why are you projecting?

> i wish that i was alone in a island

>>34938505
Granted.

The island is Britain. You're still surrounded by people, you're just as alone as you are now.

>>34938505
Wish granted , there's no food nor water on the island.

>>34938505
>in a island
Granted.

You get to be buried alive in the Australian desert.

i wish i had money for beer to numb the pain

>>34938577
Granted.

No catch, this slight contribution to your (or future) alcoholism is enough of a catch.

>>34938449
Granted, but you suck at them

>>34938450
Granted, but it has a 10 minute battery life

>>34938480
Granted, but she's ugly as fuck and you get a stroke every time you see that bitch

>>34938505
Granted, but it's an island of shit in the Indian Ocean

>>34938577
Granted, but you're underage so the bars don't sell to you.

>I wish I had a Death Note

>>34938450
Granted but its a piece of shit

>I wish to jump off the burj khalifa

>>34938449
You enjoy playing video games again, but now you are addicted .

>>34938604
Granted. One copy of Death Note 1 coming up.

>>34938606
Granted.

But you just land onto a lower level and break both your legs without dying.

I wish I died the most painful death possible and my dick fell off.

>>34938727
Granted, but you reincarnate as a Muslim version of Leslie Jones and you have a giant penis.

>>34938449
granted but you're never allowed to pause or save while playing

>>34938442
Wish granted but this means that you die right now

>>34938727
>granted, but you get revived and you still have no dick

>>34938727
Granted you are a transvestite, an ugly one.

>>34938727
Granted you have become Chis Chan.

I wish I will be immortal in every sense of the word, with hulk level of durability.

I wish the US nuked Beijing

>>34938895
Wish granted but the missile codes required that a public broadcast of you masturbating in your room be shown on national television.

>>34938891
Granted.

But that's a terrible wish and living literally forever, long past the heat death of the universe is a fate far worse than any ironic punishment I could come up with.

>>34938895
Granted all their web archives are nuked.

I wish I could fuck anyone whenever I wanted to, and that both of us would enjoy it immensely, and that negative repercussions from society could never come from it. I could basically walk up to a woman sitting with her husband in the library and fuck her while she screamed in pleasure and he wouldn't be angry at me and the librarian wouldn't so much as shush us. My libido would also stay around my current level, and my genitalia would be perfectly fine, and I wouldn't magically attract STDs.

>>34938923
>all their web archive
which web archives are these?

>>34938891
Enjoy being a monolith that just floats in space with no ability to act or see.

>>34938932
Likely the ones with the search locks.

>>34938927
Granted.

But everyone else also gets this power and uses it to constantly fuck everyone but you. And you can't interrupt their fuck sessions.

I wish that I could be cloned and each one would be given away as a neet house pet to robots.

I wish I were a female.

>>34938999
Granted.

You also turn into a cute girl.

>>34938927
Due that's like 5 wishes so you get 5 corruptions.
read Arabian night some try hard pulled this and this is how it went down

Granted they will never see you or know it was you. You will be a ghost and all that pleasure you gave them will be forgotten and all the pleasure you revived will be lost in moments. You will be a ghost among the living always hungering but never satisfied.

>>34938999
The robots mistreat you to extremes from burning off genital to removing eyes and deafening you.

>>34939031
Hey, doesn't really sound that bad.

File: 1487344300286.jpg (31KB, 600x765px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 600x765px

I wish i were back in time 10 years but retaining all my knowledge as an adult

>>34939062
to bad >>34938997 beat him to it.

>>34939069
You go back in time with no ability to interact with you or your young self. You get to watch it all over again with no way to stop it.

>>34939069
Granted.

But this is how you find out free will doesn't exist and you just have to relive 10 miserable years exactly as you did before.

>>34939069
Granted but you're back in time in the same physical state as now
And your younger self is still there
Have fun with that

I wish I was born a girl

>>34939015
granted but you're a female(male)

I wish for infinite incorruptible wishes. Also making this wish doesn't result to any harm to anyone or any thing including myself.

>>34939178
Granted.

You get to grow up to be the first true KHV fembot ever.

>>34939178
>I wish I was born a girl
granted but after growing up as a girl you realize that you wish you had been born a boy

>>34939178
Fine, but you wake up realizing you have ovarian cancer in your family and might be susceptible to it

I wish Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr stopped functioning for a full 72 hours.

File: 1482212891421.jpg (34KB, 640x874px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 640x874px

I wish I got dubs.

oregano

>>34939194
you are given the ability to make wishes that are incorruptibly granted but you are limited only to wishes that cause some sort of harm to someone else or yourself

>>34939219
I'm fine with this I would've been a qt chaste shygirl anyways so the curse doesn't mind
>>34939224
>Realizing
>Giving me the knowledge I need
What are regular checks
Also your wish is granted but normies flock to 4chan in the absence of them
>>34939222
Fug

>>34939224
>I wish Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr stopped functioning for a full 72 hours.
wish granted and every user from those sites gets bored enough to go on 4chan for the first time and sticks around forever for the funny memes

>>34939224
Granted.

Now all the normies colonize imageboards instead.

>>34939264
I wish I didn't fuck up the spoilers like a sperg

>>34939250
granted and then you are assassinated while speaking to the press about your achievement

>>34939281
granted
but you're now just a sperg who is an expert spoilerer

>>34939281
Granted, but now everytime you don't use spoiler tags you end up actually spoiling something. People will hate you for it.

>I wish I still had a full head of hair

>>34939312
Granted, your head is now filled with hair. You immediately have a massive stroke and choke to death from all the hair clogging your brain and throat.

>>34939312
wish granted but the hair fills in everywhere and you look like a gorilla.

alternate
wish granted but your hair won't stop growing and you have to cut it several times an hour or it trails on the floor behind you like a wedding dress.

>>34936295
>Wish granted, she's a psychopathic yandere
Thank you, monkey paw

>>34939312
>>34939358
Wait a second that exact same wish and ironic punishment were in Body Bags.

I wish I got a new monkey paw that granted my wishes without being a cunt about it.

>>34939437
You got a monkey paw that grants you wishes but is a dick about it.

I want a turkey sandwich.

>>34939437
Granted, but all the wishes have already been used up.

>>34939447
Granted, but it turns out it's ham-flavored turkey.

>>34939447
That's not a wish so I'm not giving you a turkey sandwich.

I wish I had a 9 inch cock and somehow all the girls knew about it

>>34939486
Granted.

You know have a 9 inch tall rooster.

I wish for dubs

orijanarudesu

>>34939486
Granted, but you're also 95 years old.

>I wish the wishes in this thread would be more original

>>34939483
I fucked it up.

I wish for a turkey sandwich.

>>34939517
Denied.

I wish my post was original. Wow look at that it came true!

>>34939437
>I wish I got a new monkey paw that granted my wishes without being a cunt about it.
>>34939437
>You got a monkey paw that grants you wishes but is a dick about it.
:D

>>34939517
Granted. But you will get them on /a/.

>>34938927
While everyone is totally on board with your fuck whoever policy the law still stands and you aren't remotely immune to alimony suits. The women in question are perfectly nice about it but you did knock them up, it's only reasonable you help care for your child.

>>34939548
Granted.

Now now two Turks take turns fucking you in both ends.

>>34939537
granted but your dick falls off

>>34939537
Granted, but they are all made true

>I wish I never had to work again, but got the benefits one would get from working

>>34939590
Granted.

An the greatest benefit of all is you learn the value of work so you always want to be employed anyway.

>>34939606
Ah, but see, I've tricked the paw, because I said I wish I never HAD to work again, not that I never COULD work again. So I get a job and enjoy it, and get double benefits. Profit, motherfuckers.

>>34939632
Money is not a benefit.

This particular monkey paw is an ascetic. You just get spiritual wisdom.

>>34939669
I'm cool with that, desu.

Oregano origami oreiddghads

File: 1485807676315.jpg (22KB, 540x233px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 540x233px

>>34939567
>:D

>I wish normalfags never came to this board

>>34939845
Granted. But since normalfags never came here, practically nobody posted and moot quickly killed the board.

>>34939845
Granted.

Now they cum inside you instead.

File: 1481146795354.jpg (55KB, 750x743px) Image search: [Google]

55KB, 750x743px

>>34939871
>moot quickly killed the board

that would have been a gentler death

wtf is this /b/ shit

>>34940091
oh shit i thought i was in /pol/ fuck

>>34939845
what about all the people that say "kek" because other people said kek? would you prefer that i copy other people so i can fit in better?

i'm tired of "robots" declaring themselves outcasts while they judge people more harshly than anyone else.

>>34940211
>kills the thread too
nice job normie

>>34940978
I wish he hadn't killed the thread.

I wish for an original (You)

I wish I had a sexy, loyal, bbw gf of my own age and we had pleasurable sex often

>>34941013
Granted, but then you remember you're on /r9k/ and are surrounded by people that don't actually understand your problems, but post here for attention anyways.

>>34941018
Granted. But it's a (You) by a normie who has a gf.

>>34941020
Granted, but she will have health problems and die from a heart attack while you're having sex and you're handcuffed to the bed.

I wish I had a qt boyfriend who loved me ;____;

>>34941098
Granted, but he loves you so much he wants to keep you his forever and chains you in his basement where he keeps you as a pet.

>>34941091

Eh, that aint so bad.

File: 1440126966197.jpg (26KB, 285x281px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 285x281px

>>34941449
>watching the one you love suffer and die years prematurely
>allowing her to exist and suffer
>not so bad

This is why you don't deserve a gf.

>>34941364
Hot.

I wish I had more tobacco.

>>34941633
Granted, but the monkeys paw thought you said tabasco, and now your mouth feels hot

>>34941836
I wish l ceased to exist.

>>34942328
Granted. The wish only applies to your physical form, your consciousness will live on forever.

I wish that I invent an extremely intelligent, xenophobic, always learning AI that eventually leads humanity to a golden space age, she also loves me unconditionally

File: 1487126438025.jpg (25KB, 500x375px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 500x375px

>>34943046
Youbfukcibf coj sucket;hhhhhhhhggg

>>34936295
i wish the normies would leave reeeee

>>34943241
Granted, but her physical/digital form is that of a 1/10 with the mind of a jealous Stacey. This can't be reprogrammed.

>>34943046
Does that make me a ghost or god though?
Can I protect robots without predjudicd as an incorporeal lonely guardian

>>34943339
The normies leave, but they're replaced with chads.
> I wish I had powerful psychokinetic powers.

>>34937393
Wish granted, but there's no way to catch or train them since the technology isn't available.

>>34943581
Those powers can only be used on soft cheeses.

I wish for immortality and plot armour levels of good luck/fortune for the rest of my existence

File: Low-Quality Pepe.jpg (87KB, 736x748px) Image search: [Google]

87KB, 736x748px

>>34943820
After 20 years you become completely bored of life and develop depression that makes your life a living hell for eternity.
> I wish for some tasty, healthy, non-poisonous, non-harmfull candy.

File: 5571.png (216KB, 640x484px) Image search: [Google]

216KB, 640x484px

>>34943820
Granted, your plot armor ensures no one can twist your wish. You live to the heat death of the universe due to your immortality, just as you asked, floating around for eons in space, a monolith doomed to live forever in permanent asphyxiation.

>>34943943
You throw up before you eat it, if you clean your mouth you'll throw up again if you try to eat it again.

>>34943943
Wish granted, but the candy is made from semen which you suddenly find extremely tasty.

I wish I was the strongest man in the universe, able to defeat anyone with just one punch.

>>34944075
granted, but going over you current maximum strength causes your muscles to lock up for a whole day

File: Gleeful Pepe.jpg (48KB, 499x499px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 499x499px

>>34944075
You are able to defeat anyone in One Punch, but you become quickly bored of this power, since there is no one who can challenge you, and you live in a small apartment with a cyborg.

> I wish for everything in my life to be extremely convenient and comfy.

>>34944198
Thanks monkey paw, that's exactly what I wanted!

>>34944198
>Wish granted but asteroid destroys Earth

I wish I had better reflexes

I wish I could write albums better than Springsteen's

I wish I could live in 10th grade summer forever. High school was lonely and it sucked but that summer in between sophomore and jr year was something else. I don't even know why really. Nothing changed. But somehow doing all my solitary activities just felt different and rewarding. Maybe it's because I was hopeful that things would be different next school year, and so all the anxiety melted away and I was able to enjoy the wait. Obviously things didn't change but I thought they would. Anyway whatever the reason, if I could go back to one era of my life, that would be the one.

File: image.jpg (75KB, 640x1136px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 640x1136px

>>34944874
Wish granted but you become East Asian to get them

I wish I could be 15 again. As much as life sucked, I had hope for the future, for how things would be better after high school.

Now I have nothing.

>>34945287
Wish granted, but your own fanboyism for springsteen music makes you never see your work as better. The only thing that will satisfy you is to have written his songs yourself. This will never be, and you will churn superior album after superior album, blinded to your accomplishments and wondering why you can't be better than him, never feeling satisfied until you're driven mad.

I wish someone would reply to my post

>>34940978
it was dead before i posted

>>34941013
>>34941034
>I wish /r9k/ wasn't made up of teenagers who think their lack of gf is worth suiciding

@34946219
Wish granted but you get no (You)

>>34946086
>I wish I could be 15 again. As much as life sucked, I had hope for the future, for how things would be better after high school.
Wish granted but you stay 15 forever and are never allowed to have any future you might hope for because you're perpetually stuck in the shitty experience of high school

>>34936295
Wish granted, but you can only paint with your cum.

>>34936445
Wish granted, but you can only speak to dead people whose language you don't speak.

>>34936502
Wish granted, but they're all really bright and you can't look at them.

>>34936503
Wish granted, but it regrows every morning.

>>34936561
Wish granted, but the dominant robots become the new normies.

>>34936590
Wish granted, but it is a really developed camping community with at least one family-packed RV every ten yards.

>>34936626
Wish granted, but you begin to find those hobbies more and more boring, until you lose interest in everything.

>>34936786
Wish granted, but you can only teleport into hell.

>>34936939
Wish granted, but your pissing is the most irregular ever in history.

>>34937016
Wish granted, but nobody can hear it.

>>34937046
Wish granted, but your prescience makes you unable to communicate with your fellow six year olds and leaves you a robot yet again.

>>34937083
Wish granted, but your face gets stuck.

>>34937089
Wish granted, but the only real estate open is struck constantly by hurricanes.

>>34937100
Wish granted, but you have the respect of both your fathers.

>>34937111
Wish granted, but you think you're a 1/10 girl and get used in your quest for validation.

>>34937183
Wish granted, but your intelligence lowers permanently to the last animal you control.

>>34937198
Wish granted, but you get these really ugly bags under your eyes and people make fun of you for it.

I wish that everything would be okay.

>>34947059
>I wish that everything would be okay.
Wish granted but it only lasts for a month and then everything is even worse than before.

I wish that I could control the entire world with no help and no resistance from the people I rule over.

>>34946607
Granted, all the strawmen go away. Then you realize over sensitive normalfags make up the entire board only to realize you're still on it.

>>34947059
>Wish granted, but your face gets stuck.
How? I can't change my face? Once I change into a form I can't change out of that face?