Who else here /hopeless/?

>>34911678
I beg of you to ignore my typos, my head isn't alright.

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>constantly seek validation through internet and dating websites
>26yo NEET
>smoke a pack a day, drink every single day, smoke weed the days I can get it
>live with just my Dad and me, we never ever speak, but can always see the disappointment in his eyes when he looks at me
>had an internet gf for 3 fucking years that I loved more than anyone
>will never ever have her back, and she broke my heart and left me even more fucked up than previously
>play video games because they're all I have left, yet I'm bored of them all
>haven't successfully held a job for longer than 2 weeks since I was 20
>feel this massive desire to find companionship, it's all I want out of life, essentially. but I'll never ever have it
>only talent I have I waste by never practicing
>starve myself on purpose, enjoy the pain of stomach cramps after I haven't eaten for 3 days. am a skeleton
>haven't had something to look forward to in I don't know how long
>live for my addictions, and that's it. tried to quit smoking once, didn't know what to do with myself, went back to it
>wake up, pour a drink, have a smoke, then sit on my PC for however long. rinse, repeat.

>>34911751
Thank you for sharing, I don't know what else to tell you
I know it's impossible and out of the question to tell your dad about your issues and what's infesting your brain and destroying you, but have you tried talking to him?
I mean: it can be hard to do, but it might help. Why not? right? we're all suicidal here; so why not give it a go, right?


I'm going to try to speak to my family today, if that didn't work I'm jumping off the roof with a noose 'round my neck.

And remember, YOLO and fuck everything else

holy shit im drunk

>>34911893
hey I'm drunk too friend. I can't talk to my Dad, that's just not a possibility. He's the kind of guy who will straight up ignore you when you're asking a question directly to his face. He doesn't care. I wouldn't even feel comfortable doing it anyways, all my problems are my own and will remain my own til I die.

Funnily enough after posting that I decided to track down my ex-gfs email and send her a pathetic email in my drunken stupor because what have I got to lose. I just hate being alone more than anything. Even a conversation a day gives me will to live, which is beyond pathetic.

>>34911678
>Op lives in country where you can drive quad bikes on the street
>he is still unhappy

I'm a burger and I'm jealous

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>spend every day inside my room
>only leave to eat or go to the bathroom
>literally cannot remember the last time I went outside
>no social life, never known anyone besides my parents
>every day feels the same and I constantly forget what day and month it is
>underweight and constantly feel like I'm dying
>my life consists solely of browsing the web and sleeping
>need constant background noise to drown out my crazy thoughts and delusions
>20 years old and my life is already over

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>>34911939
Oh I fucking feel you, man.
I used to hate being alone, then accepted it, when I did my family started wanting to get closer to me, which I hated and resented, and now I feel like they broke my shell, I feel weak and hopeless, imprisoned by my own cage.

I fucking feel you man, I genuinely do and the only reason stopping me is revenge for something that I don't know (yet)

My dad is like yours, hard on the outside and soft on the inside, try talking to him, maybe he'll get you to a shrink, I've been wanting to go to one but I just can't let myself out of my room without feeling constant soul crushing paranoia.

And don't bother with the roastie, dude. She'll just do the same, I know being around her felt like heaven, but you should look past things, not go back.
>>34911945
Can't drive them on the streets, only offroad, can only drive an RZR which I fixed from scratch, but for long distance.
Also I'm an Arab from Israel, still feel lucky?

>>34912076
Jealous**

so many typos holy shit

>>34912076
at least you had a family who wanted to get close to you, friend. kicked out at 16, flatted and wage cucked til I was 20. got put on the benefit (neet bux) and have been there since - moved back in with my Dad last year because neet bux wasn't enough to live off in a flat that costed me 8/10ths of my pay in just rent alone.

I've never ever cared about money, all I have ever cared about is developing a bond with soemone. a really strong bond, something people dream. I hate it that I want to be one of those lucky few. the 0.0000001% that find their true partner, spend their entire lives together, and then die hours apart at a crippling old age. I'll never have that, I know that. Not only am I just way too broken these days, but the chances were already alone.

also cool that you're from israel, assalam-o-alaikum, is that right???

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>>34911678
I have no reason to be alive and I want to end it all. I've been depressed for six years, but never this fucking bad.

>>34912207
Hahahaha, I fucking love you anon, yeah that's right, walaikum al-salam, habibi.

They don't really care for me anymore, they're just waiting till I jump off. Don't blame them, though, I've been a nuisance for the longest time from constant arguing and wanting answers from questions that have no answers. I'm trying to get drunk so I'll have a one on 2 talking with my family, but I find it hopeless because they just tell me what I want to hear, which the situation more hopeless.

But I'd just say, and that's me, that you should at LEAST give it a go, you don't know, he might relate to your problems

I feel for every single one of you, Ive been to the bottom but somehow I crawled out, but every day I feel like im on an extremely slippery slope and a single wrong move can send me tumbling down back to the pit. Ive fucked up my body and mind with a huge variety of dfferent drugs and even though life is looking better Im constantly afraid of losing my fucking mind.

Stay strong brothers, know that you are not alone in all of this. There are people that have been to the deepest pits of depression and still somehow emerged.

Even after I say all that, I have tried to kill myself 3 times and to this day I still don't know if me surviving was good or not. Sometimes I still wish I would have succeeded.

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>>34912310
awesome. I can thank generation kill for that phrase. I know nothing else, but I want to say it to an arab one day in real life.

here there's free therapy for 10 sessions worth. I could also see a doctor for free, and get a prescription for ssri's and shit. I don't know if i ever will, I can't really go through with that kind of shit. where do you live? do they have government subsidized things like that where you are? I'd genuinely rather go to a professional than talk to my Dad, I feel like if he was born in my place, he might be a robot today. I'm like 90% sure he's a depressed fuck, considering his daily habits, etc.

Don't do anything silly Anon friend. I'd be your friend irl if I could. You can tell me to do shit, make some thing of myself: well this is me paying it back to you. I believe in you.

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>>34911678
how do you afford your drug habits if you're a NEET?

are you from Bulgaria?

At least you have dads. I never knew my father and my mom was away till I was 14. I got raised by my grandmother who died two years after my mom came back. I've never been the same ever since. I'm cold and distant, I don't feel empathy, I don't care for other people and I never expect anyone to care for me. I've never loved and I still don't know what people mean when they talk about love.
I'm 23 now and I'm graduating uni soon and that frightens the shit out of me as I feel I'm not ready to work in the field I chose. Also I found out the hard way that a career is not a substitute for a social life.

>26
>master's degree but it doesn't matter, don't have connections. The few I nurtured ended up being useless for me in terms of finding a job
>applied for ~100 jobs in the past 6 months
>been to 4 job fairs, left ~20 resumes with people
>had 2 interviews total
>didn't get callbacks on either
>in one the kind of awkward tone the interviewer was taking with me pretty much told me that they already had someone in mind for the job and were just interviewing me as a formality
>haven't talked to anyone other than my mother and father since my last interview 2 months ago
>also khv who lives with his parents
>despite knowing all of this mom still bitches and moans and asks when i'm going to bring her a girl and have babies

just fuckin end me f4m.

>>34912758
>in one the kind of awkward tone the interviewer was taking with me pretty much told me that they already had someone in mind for the job and were just interviewing me as a formality

jesus what the fuck people do that? what did you do anon? did you just leave right after that sentence? I would. what the FUCK
what's your masters in?

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>>34912233
I know that feel bro. It's only getting worse. I feel like the world should end now.

>>34911678
I wish I had a job and money to buy a ps4 and play videogames faggot

>went back to college
>can actually finish it this time
>Quit smoking
>Quit smoking marijuanas
>Quit doing speed
>No money for vidya
>Still feel depressed and anxious all the time

Shouldn't I be happy now? I'm actually acting like a normal person like I always wanted to be (I thought) and still my life feels so empty and worthless

been like so many of you, thought I was getting better, wasn't drinking so much, was eating better. Last two weeks I've slipped hardcore:

>near constant drinking
>distancing myself from "friends" and family
>friends were probably a sham to begin with anyway, keep remembering my last group of friends and how any time I slipped they started hating me more and more so now I'm just disconnecting
>starting to smoke, never smoked before
>not eating
>barely sleeping
>this last night at work was the biggest passive aggressive dick to everyone there, esp the nicer people
>felt a bit good at the time now feeling guilt and hopelessness
>feel like everyone there probably hated me to begin with so doesn't even matter
>I'm basically a work slave since I do my job better than 9/10ths of them but have no gf and my life is in shambles
>any time I hear them laugh and enjoy life I get so fucking angry
>called in sick tomorrow (I am legit sick and was coughing at work all day)
>trying so hard not to buy more alcohol and binge again

the "right track" is probably a meme and I'll never get a gf and be normal, but I guess I'll try to get back on it again. I was doing "good (tm)". Brain feels fucking scattered. Personal blog.

>>34912075
Are you literally fucking me?

>>34911678
>>34912076
Are you Finnish?
Originalo

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>>34911678
>21 year old semi-NEET (just graduated from Uni, so I guess i'm a full NEET)
>Have had alcohol issues in the past, slowly starting to drink a lot daily again (bourbon, drunk now)
>Pressure to find a job, zero motivation to do so
>Only time I leave the house is for alcohol and gym
>Starting to get insomnia, I think it's linked to the high computer usage (12+ hours a day)/drinking

For some reason I'm not depressed though. I think I'm self-defeating.

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> 25
> Severely mentally ill (Paranoia, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, Hoarding Disorder)
> Sexually molested by three different women growing up; can only get off to a very specific /ss/ fantasy (luckily I'm not into kids or anything too creepy like that)
> Barely graduated high school; flunked out of community college
> Stuck in dead-end wagekek job at a dying retailer
> Unable to drive a car due to spatial awareness and anxiety issues - failed written exam three times before giving up
> Unable to (hypothetically) go on dates, go out with friends, or find a new job due to not being able to drive
> Have poor dental health - teeth look normal at face value, but I have gaping cavities that constantly smell terrible
> Unable to be close to people, have long discussions, or be intimate with anyone due to the dental problems

> Family stopped having high hopes for me - always refers to being a "manager of some game store" being a dream job for me