I want the truth as to why you arent on the best terms with yourself.

>>34869760
I'm still on my way to becoming who I want to be

I hesitate, because I don't believe in myself enough because I don't put enough work into myself

So I fail to believe anyone else would see anything good in me either and I go into denial if someone does

And eventually that denial leads them to think it's rejection

I've also procastrinated my life. Not just work. "Tomorrow I'll fulfill the dreams of my youth" and turns out that one too many tomorrows and I'm not young anymore.

>>34869760
I am over that now. I wasn't in good terms with myself because I thought I needed to fix myself or be someone different.

>>34869760
I often feel like I'm kind of just average intelligence wise and deep down I really want to be smart and well educated and well read and all that. I even go to things like museums and galleries and attend those sorts of events just to feign like I'm intelligent and cultured.

At the end of the day I never finished college and can barely do algebra.

>>34869760

I'm a perfectionist and I have crippling ADD.

I am never pleased with anything I do. If it is less than perfect, I am in torment.

I don't know how I'll ever shake this state of mind, but I think forcing myself to complacent in what I do (since I'll probably never achieve my dreams) is the only solution.

I'm going to die in my own madness, and almost no one will ever know.

I thought I was good enough to go the creative route over the STEM path.

Now I'm 26 with extreme anxieties.

However I feel more fulfilled than my friends who went STEM. It makes me hate myself for being content with being a loser who writes fiction. Why should I be happy while poor?

>>34869760
I want sissyboy cock in my ass, but the HRT makes their dick flaccid. So they spend hours trying then being the sissy boys they are, they start to cry. This only makes me more horny.

Because i am consumed with hate and i can only rest until i see the world and the normies screaming in agony

HAHAHAHHA mental abuse by batshit crazy parent? CHECK

physical abuse by batshit crazy parent? CHECK

genes from a serve mentally ill parents?CHECK

poor? CHECK

got bullied in school? CHECK

social anxiety? CHECK

adhd? CHECK

bipolar? CHECK

fat? CHEEEECK

>>34869760
Because I don't have the balls to end it so I trudge along in some pointless quest for financial security even though the 40 hours of work are a decent destruction from just how profoundly lonely I am. Hell I don't even fit in on this board I work and even managed to get laid a few times years ago.

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I was a mouth breather when I was a kid and it messed up my facial structure badly.

I went bald at a young age.

My older brother was cruel to me growing up and it left me with severe self esteem and confidence issues.

My mind can't focus and I am very lazy and unmotivated.

I have reasons to suspect I may be autistic.

I feel sad a lot.

Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed.

I feel tired all the time even if I work out and eat healthy food.

I flunked out of college and I have lots of student loan debt.

I can't find a job anywhere and my parents aren't going to put up with me being a NEET for much longer.

I am trying to get into the military as a last ditch attempt to restore my life. If I don't get in I have no idea what I will do.

My parents see me as a disappointment and a failure after my hard working Chad older brother.

Constant brain fog

I don't like anything.

Nothing makes me happy.

>>34870510
Bump why did you ask if you're not going to read my post OP

>>34870221
>I'm going to die in my own madness, and almost no one will ever know.
And you know deep down no one will ever give you an excuse to talk about it.

A real genuine excuse, as in not the product of a tangent from whatever you MAY have perceived as interest.


AND all of this is dependent on whether or not you can shake the feeling of feeling like a weak faggot for WANTING to talk about in the first place

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>>34871005
I .. Just wrote a whole post just now.
I am phone posting.
When I attempted to add a pic my phone memory crapped out.
Lost the whole post.

Phone posting because I am literally homeless.

Im sorry
My entire body is itching righr now.
My face
My back
Myhands

My chest my scalp my legs.

I dont feel well ri ::) t now

>>34871226
I tried to explain something along the lines of this.

I read every post in the threads I make.
Though some more than others warrant no response if they are resonate with me enough to feed this weird necrosis I have inside.

Its like, if I try and respond to something that has said everything I would have hoped to relate to, I will have nothing to add. And speaking with nothing to add is something I find disgusting in other people, so I try to avoid doing it as muvh as possible.

As not to insult the integrity of who I am replying to.

I also despise posting in my own threads. It makes me feel like a self important prick.

I dont like joining discussions I created, I create them because I like to ask things I wish people would ask me, but I know they have no reason to.

These are mostly for the benefit of people who are like me who want to talk about something they want a reason to articulate.

I think I made a better point with the post that was stolen from me.

Nothing is ever the same when tried twice.

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I am a relatively attractive/"meh" tranny that doesn't go outside or interact with people that much in general due to my inability to function normally.
I'm still kinda happy with who I am, and when I'm not I get drunk which leads other people to believe I'm an alcoholic.

Because when I was a teenager I dropped out of school and told myself I was okay with doing bullshit grunt work for the rest of my life.

I was wrong,