What it's like to ascend

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I mainly lurk on here, but over the years, I realize I ascended beyond a beta, and how terrible of an experience it was. The guilt drives me sleepless and I want to vent. I'll explain in the most profound ways of storytelling, may may arrows.

> be me, like 10
> Older, angry brother had a hot gf
> would constantly tell me how I'm gonna never get a gf
> He was six years older than me, but I still felt like I had to get one too, to be cool like him
> Try asking out girls in my class
> do it in autistic ways that I learned form cartoons
> Get rejected, loose a lot of friends and everyone brands me as that weird desperate kid
> go on like this for years, picking up the scraps and disgusting chicks from other classes, if I got any at all
> Hellodarknessmyoldfriend.webm
> 9th grade hits
> Slutty chick is all over me
> Shes kinda heavy, not very popular, lot of dudes hate her cause shes obnoxious
> Hat a fat fucking ass
> went all for it. Soon came to resent her immensely, as every single thing she'd do would be idiotic
> literally only date her because of the BJ's and a fat ass to grab
> the 4 friends I had heckled me for her, So I dumped her
> days later, get a job
around this time, my bro decided to tell me how miserable he was, his GF dumped him because he was an asshole, and how having a GF wasn't worth it.

Will tell more after some bumps. Don't want to spend 30 mins for nothing.