Post your autism

If I leave my work even 5 minutes early I go really fast to the exit so that my boss won't notice me, like I'm 14yo or something

I set up alarms with ringtone-like music every ~hour because I feel way too stressed sitting in the office (I have social phobia) so I go to the toilet pretending I talk on the phone to sit there for some 15 minutes and browse 4chan or whatevs.

I only talk english at home when nobody else is here (I'm non-native ofc) because I'm embarrassed before my brother and parents.

Whenever there is somebody in the lift with me I pretend I'm doing something on the phone but in reality I go to Settings and scroll it back and forth

I wear headphones in public transport or taxi but I listen the music so low that I always hear how people go insane (like talk to themselves and such)

I might legitimately have some soft-autism or something, I dunno. I was only diagnosed with social phobia some 8 years ago or so and I never visit psychologists or psychotherapists.

I stop going to convenience stores when the clerk starts to recognize me and starts attempting to get more friendly.

>>34847578
>I go to Settings and scroll it back and forth
this, it pisses me oof when someone is watching my phone, it's settings else i put some embarassing shit on the screen

i've never even been to a hair dresser. my mom always cuts my hair and she's the only one who's really ever touched my head or hair. i'm in my mid-20s.

i also don't eat enough just because i'm too nervous to go grocery shopping more than once a week or so. i think that's pretty autistic.

also i can't even eat outside anymore due to that same anxiety, but i only realized this pretty recently.

the funny thing is that people don't even seem to see how autistic and dysfunctional i am. they treat me like a normal person more often than not, and i think most people i know would be surprised if they knew that i can just barely take care of myself or live on my own.

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>>34847316
I take a two hour bus ride just to enjoy riding the bus.

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am too dumb to drive and pass the test

I'm a chad with social phobia pretty much from 18 - 30

My autism was basically i never left my house in my twenties, to scared. Funny that when I can pick up chicks and fk at the drop of a hat.

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>go to open one of the fridge displays in the grocery store to grab coffee creamer
>accidently grab and pull an older mans arm instead
>we lock eyes
>let go, leave cart and drive home without groceries

>>34847316
>going to a hair dresser
You know you can just manage your hair at home, right? The two easiest styles to maintain would be buzzcut or long hair, but with more effort you could do other styles.

>>34848683
You can do it. Just take the test in a rural area where there isn't much traffic and your driving examiner is a bit more laid back.

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>>34847316
at least they won't start a conversation

>>34847316
>don't speak good English

You mean they don't speak English well, don't you?

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>in taco bell drive thru
>want a cheese quesadilla really badly, but I only have a few bucks on me
>too autistic to ask for a second so when the speaker lady asks "what'll it be" I start frantically searching up and down the big menu
>quickly blurt out something that sounds like "I want a cheesey kway sa dill a"
>a few seconds of silence
>"you mean a cheese quesadilla?"
>nod my head without realizing that she can't see me
>"sir?"
>finally say yes
>pull foreward and pay for my food without looking at her
>drop my change and drive off

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>Go burger place one time
>See girl I used to kind of know from school behind the counter, autistic instincts tell me to flee but its too late, I've already gained forward momentum.
>Order my meal without acknowledging the fact that we both know each other. The tone of her voice is not one of a server but acquaintance
>I let the akwardness stand, maintaining my autopilot food-ordering manoeuvres
>Walk away, vowing never to go back
>Go back, its her again
>Even worse now, I have to remain consistent in the narrative that I don't know who she is, but we both know I do.
>This goes on for months, and I see her around other places constantly as well, never acknowledging it.
>Sister starts working there
>Sister tells her why I ignore her existence, that I feel the whole thing is too far gone to salvage
>She says "that's nice of him"
>Walking to work the other day at 6am with burglar type hat on because cold weather, look creepy as hell
>Someone's walking towards me in the distance
>Pretty sure its her but not 100%
>I deploy evasive eye maneuvers in every direction but hers, utilise my phone, pretend I'm texting
>At the very last minute look up to make sure its her
>It is
>Do that eyebrow raise thing people do when they see people they kinda know
>I'm facing down though while doing it
>mfw
>She looks scared

I've created a situation out of nothing. Could be easily solved with a few sentences, but its just too far gone.

Why am I like this

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>>34848633
>my mom always cuts my hair
like this?

>Always feel really uncomfortable calling someone by their name
>If I try it comes out very shaky
>If I need to talk to someone I always have to get in their line of sight and say "hey" while looking directly at them

>>34847316

That is a brilliant idea OP, i get my haircut by 80yr old men for the EXACT same reasons, plus i like the feeling of a straight razors lining me up.

I duck behind cars if there's no-one on the streets and pretend I'm having an intense John Wick style shootout or have to get away from bad guys with guns
I'll hide behind trees, duck behind fences and do like tactical rolls on grassy sections of pavement
I've only been caught twice or at least twice that I know about

>>34848683
same.
got through life christmas treeing tests and now one where you actually have to do something

>>34847316
>Go to a different part of town where this one hair dresser has her own saloon but its empty in the mornings

>She has massive boobs maybe 40G or bigger (just a guess) also Romanian

>When shes cutting your hair they brush against you and sometimes she rests one on your shoulder without her realizing and it gives you the biggest hard on ever.

When i get home i fap like a madman

>>34847316
That's actually pretty smart as long as it's not a dangerous part of town.

>>34847316
>I unironically think this sounds like a good idea

>>34847316
That's actually pretty smart and I wish I could do that.

>>34847316
This actually sounds like something a smart person would do

>>34847316

>I go on /r9k/
>Whenever I am alone and vidya is loading I pretend to be doing what characters in that game do most of the time.

>>34847316
>spend 20 minutes deciding if i should write this dumb shitpost or not

>>34847578
I do the ringtone, settings, and headphones thing too. I lie to parents and say I'm hanging out with my friends when in reality I just go for long walks, Barnes and nobles, or go to the movies by myself.

>>34850346
>without her realizing

You really think she doesn't realize when her boobs are resting on you? Or that she doesn't know you know? I would say she knows you know she knows, but apparently you don't.

I can't reply to people online unless I am really drunk or atleast buzzed. on 4chan it's good because I'm anon. also goes for phonecalls. unless it's like something truly important like a job interview or doctor notice I will not answer the phone, my family does that shit and if i'm alone well whatever

>Sometimes still smoke out my window and sneak out of the house to smoke even though I'm 25, parents know I smoke, I'm allowed smoke in the house and everyone knows I smoke

>I miss the thrill of having to hide it

>Getting away from everyone to smoke with the wind in my face is so comfy

this thread is too real. are you secretly watching me or something?

>when walking the dog and it shits, pretend that I didn't see it so I don't have to pick it up. The smell makes me vomit.

>everyday wipe dust off my desk and computer

>walk manually when walking past other people

>>34850530
>Post your autism

Well if she does then that is kinda strange shes married and a lot older than me she is like 50 but really nice looking and i'm only 27

>>34849877

So fucking relatable.

All the awkward and dumb problems in my life are caused by myself and I witness every step of it.

>>34850613
She doesn't care. Her tits rest on every single one of her clients. It has nothing to do with sex; she just doesn't see you as a sexual object or threat.

>>34850654
well at least i can fap about it i guess.

>>34850156

I want to believe
that this is real.

I like you.

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>Spend all day at work with a qt coworker
>We get along really well
>Talk to her more than any woman I've ever spoken to
>Have a crush on her
>She's a woman in her early forties with a kid two years younger than me

Why does this always happen to me

>>34847316

>Before lectures/classes I look around the corner to see if the class has gone into the room yet, if they haven't I stand about on my own until they have. This is to ensure a) I don't have to make small talk while we wait and b) I can take the last seat in the room so there is no pressure choosing who to sit near

>Plan out every day the night before, including meals, and 'emergency' subjects to talk about should any awkward situation arise

>Get severely anxious when my plans are disrupted

>Get severely anxious on public transport, spend the whole time worrying I'm going to end up on the other side of the country by accident

> Conversation with 2 people at once is the optimum number. Any more is just too much, and one other person puts too much pressure on me to be interesting

>>34850722
I had a similar situation in the place I used to work. I even had all the same music and TV tastes as she did. Ashamed about the age difference.

>>34850981
I know what you mean about the conversations with multiple people. With me its the fact that I basically become a different person with most people I speak to. Its the only way I can cope socially, I have to emulate others to try and fit in. I constantly tell minor lies to enhance the character I'm currently playing. So different versions of me have different known behaviours and interests. So when I have to talk to 2 separate people who don't know each other really but both know seoerate versions of me, I have to become a completely separate character, kind of have to find commonalities between the two people, then find a middle ground and become that person. Its stressful as hell. Anymore than 2 is like playing 4d chess. Feel like a sociopath but I'm actually just autistic.

>>34847807
I hate this one, I just want to get my stuff and go home, But I don't want to be rude, every time they start making small talk I just agree with them and leave as quickly as possible.

>>34848683
i get anxious behind the wheel. Like i dont feel like i should be in charge of a vehicle capable of going over 100mph

>>34851271
Thank god for supermarkets and self-checkouts. The more atomised and impersonal the world becomes the happier I'll be.

I got obsessed with this girl and just told myself that I would talk to her if I got some opportunity. Then by some insane stroke of luck she got made my lab partner. I have spent the last few classes trying to avoid eye contact and pretending she doesn't exist as much as possible because I'm a little pussy bitch.

>>34851233
I get what you mean, it's difficult, because I don't fit in with any of them, so it seems the only solution is to pretend to each of them that we're similar

Whenever I open up a new thread on 4chan, I almost always end up reading the entire thread, even if it's a 500 post bickering thread on /v/, and even when the time is 4 or 5 AM. I really need to leave this place for my own good.

>>34851504
that sounds horrible. there are ways to get autobanned though, I reccomend using them

>insecure about my weird accent
>everytime I have to talk to a cashier girl or people like that I try to make a normal accent
>always have to repeat myself because they dont understand what i just said

>>34848655
i do the same thing anon. i go for walks for the same reason. my longest walk was 6 hours

>>34847316

thats pretty solid. autism takes a lot effort

good work op

When I'm home alone I squeal and scream and make distressed pained noises as loud as I can for no reason, just while pacing up and down the stairs or while making a sandwich or whatever

I live in a shared house at university and have been found out only once

Multiple times a day I'll break into a swing/jazz drum beat with my mouth

like I'll imitate the cymbals and go tss t t tss t t tss t t tss

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>>34851305
You just have to do it and burn your mind out totally behind the wheel.

You'll get used to it.

I won't lie.

It's fucking hell for people like us, but it's worth it. Just force yourself. Sign up before hand to do it on a certain date with a family member so they force you to go and drive around.

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>Finally manage to avoid lunch invitations at work today because i wanted to be alone
>buy mcdonalds, and go to a far away park bench near work
>start eating my chicken fingers while i turn on my ds
>start playing while i drop the mayo all over the ds accidentally
>suddenly hear high heels
>look up
>its my boss that went out to buy salad
>sees me with a mayo mess and a ds, sitting alone
>looks at me while walking,then looks at the front at continues walking without saying anything
who else /highlevel/