ITT: Sperg moments

my siblings always joked that I was gay and I hated it so much that one time when we were celebrating my mom's birthday my bro said I was pretending to be a huge fag and I started crying because I was so pissed at that retarded joke

my mom immediately walked into the bathroom and wouldn't come out for the rest of the day because she was crying

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>>34820523
Thank you for replying. I like to give the first three posters a pepe

>>34820450
>8th grade
>be spic
>Aryan qt is getting bullied on the bus for being small
>sit there and watch as they throw bananas
>get the bright idea do get the beans and rice from my lunchbox and throw them at the bullies
> miss
>FUCK.png
>go up to her and apologize as I wipe my beans off her face
>she starts crying
>get suspended with the other 3 bullies
>mfw

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>>34820720
Here's your complimentary pepe

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>walk by busker in the street
>he's making some good sounds, decide to drop him some change
>reach into my pocket for whatever coins are in there and drop them into his hat
>it's a single 2 pence coin
>busker stops playing
>"excuse me, you over there"
>every stops and turns to me
>"is this all I'm worth mate?"
>nervously laugh, say yeah
>too retarded to realise he's not joking and is actually angry
>squares up to me, "you think this is a fucking joke?"
>can't stop my nervous laughter
>try to explain I didn't mean to only give him 2p
>"s-sorry i'll give you some more"
>grab a pound from my wallet
>"keep going"
>end up giving him like 5 pounds
>"good, now fuck off"
>jog away red faced
>took me like 5 minutes to realise what had happened
>that happened 6 years ago
>mfw think about it now and then and cringe really hard

>>34820450
>accidentally give myself bald spot
>don't think it's too bad and hope no one notices
>go to school
>everyone notices, ridiculed for months

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>>34820853
Enjoy the pepe

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>Sperg moments

Posting a classic.

>>34820883
>accidentally give myself bald spot

how?

>>34820940
I tried cutting my own hair when i was younger because i'm retarded.

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>>34820920
>tasty and has the crust
digiorno

>be me
>middle school
>hyper testosterone lust
>have hot teacher
>get to class right after lunch
>everyone is in the halls and walking in the classroom and shit
>start sideeyeing teacher
>diamonds
>put hands in pants and boxers
>start rubbing dick
>someone sits next to me
>they don't even look
>literally jack off slowly until i cum
>turn around
>teacher was staring at me the whole time


i also did something like this in science class and that teacher literally watched me jacking it as she was teaching the class. her face got red and everything. i was fucking weird

>>34821196
Did you have friends?

>>34821236
what board are we on

o r i g i n a l p o s t

>>34820450
Literally every time I open my mouth.
When I want to say something long I spend like 5 minutes thinking about the best sentence you could ever make, but whe the time to speak I panick and from my mouth comes out something like "imm a potato yes"

>>34821196
Did something similar but I don't have a dick unfortunately so when I was in 4th/5th grade I remember just rubbing against my seat for half an hour while my teachers were teaching until I came. Never fucking realized how sperg it was until I finally hit puberty.

>>34820853
It happened the opposite to me.
>Give a random hobo whatever I have in the pocket
>Give him 2 euros
>My brother tells me why the hell I gave him 2 euros
>"Eh why not"
>After one minute the hobo comes back and gives me 1 euro

>>34820450
Reveal breasts or vacate the thread

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>>34820523
Sounds pretty bad. What happened afterwards?

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>Get invited to normie party >Turn up and get offered MDMA >Do about half a gram in a line >Start shouting I love memes the top of voice once it kicks in >puke everywhere >grab girls ass >get slapped >start shitting myself >get kicked out >can't find way back home in the state I'm in >sleep in alleyway in my own puke and shit coming down on drugs like a tramp

>>34821196
I jerked off in history class when i was like 13 or 14 i was inbetween 2 girls and when I came I showed them my cum

Their reaction was nothing more than Haha dude wtf since we were young

>>34821196
>her face got red and everything

Please tell the story I wanna know

>>34821352
take a photograph of your titties or please vacate the thread. (pussy works too)

>>34821921
>still me in middle school, 6th graade
>science class, first period of the day
>everybody sits in groups, with two tables pushed together
>i'm sitting in the front of the room with my back facing the wall
>teacher always gave me diamonds
>just figured out how to fap
>diamonddick.png
>start rubbing my dick, but my hand isn't in my pants
>teacher is up there explaining how we're gonna have to do a project
>i'm sitting there obviously rubbing my dick, wide-eyed and mouth slightly open, staring right at her legs and ass
>she looks around the room and lands on me
>we lock eye contact for a second
>my retarded preteen brain doesn't tell me to stop
>she gets an obvious nervous smile
>she starts walking back and forth
>her face gets red
>person sitting next to me looks at me for a second, i don't think they noticed
>teacher finishes explaining
>sits at her desk
>my fucking autism makes me turn my head and watch her as she sits down
>about to cum
>"uh, do you have a question anon?"
>trance breaks
>face turns red
>"wh-what?"
>"nevermind"
>she chuckles
>i start contemplating suicide

this is basically the story of the first time i (unintentionally) edged myself

>>34822040
lmao do you think that she was into /ss/?

>>34821760
it was never mentioned again and my parents still won't look me in the eye

>>34822076
i'd assume

>>34822040
nisde

>>34821456
>giving money to beggars
That's where you fucked up

More story with sexy teacher please (female of course).

>be like 7 or 8 years old
>be obsessed with toy story to the point that i almost have it memorized
>think the scene where woody gets pissed at the magic 8-ball is the funniest shit ever for some reason
>one christmas i ask santa for a magic 8-ball
>he delivers
>first thing i do is try to reenact that scene for my mom
(here's the scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFOracFClBg)
>shake the 8-ball over and over until it lands on "don't count on it"
>yell "DON'T COUNT ON IT?! AWWWWW! DAAAAH" and throw it on the floor
>expect my mom to understand the reference and think it's hilarious
>she doesn't get it and thinks i'm actually having some kind of temper tantrum
>also probably thinks i'm a tard because i wasn't even asking it any questions
>she takes it from me and makes me promise to treat my toys better before she gives it back
>i agree and take it back to my room
>i keep reenacting the scene in private for my own amusement, throwing the 8-ball a little harder every time
>after a while it starts leaking blue stuff all over the carpet and my hands
>enough has leaked out that the 8-ball no longer works, also that blue crap stains like a motherfucker
>i start crying and bring it to my mom
>she doesn't even get mad, just rolls her eyes and says we can exchange it at the store tomorrow

and that's how i learned that santa doesn't real

>>34822709
why is it that people are attracted to their female teachers?

>>34820853
Fuck that guy, entitled pieces of shit deserve negative money

>>34822782
having sex with someone in a position of authority i guess

>>34820523
your mom is a weak minded cunt

>>34822780
goodone


Most kids are spergs though

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Here's a bit of context for the following

>I'm in 8th grade. I just lost heavy amounts of weight and now I'm 120 pounds. I also just had a haircut but due to my long & muscular face, it comes out weird so I went to school super aggro'd.

There's this one fat kid named Timothy. He used to piss me off with his passive aggressive bullshit but used the excuse of

>its bants bro!!

He said something stupid about me, along the lines of my hair cut so I simply told him to "piss off" and he did.

Later he pulled down my hood and patted my head, making another remark about my hair so I got super aggro and reached onto my desk, grabbing a pen, and stabbing it into his arm with all the force my hormone filled body could muster.

I remember not realizing what I did at first, It hit me a few minutes later but even then I sorta just shrugged it off as 'he had it coming'.

Nobody spoke to me ever again. Not even in High School, I was known as the violent kid.

>mfw i didnt ask for this

>On subway
>Big black man comes up to me and asks for some money
>I hate confrontation, so I stammer out a "s-s-sure"
>Look in wallet, I only have a 20 and a 5
>I decide to give a 5 because he's reaching into his pocket like he has a knife or something
>Accidentally pull out my 20
>He sees it
>I try to backtrack and give him the 5
>"That's not gonna be enough"
>ohshit
>Nervously ask for change
>The hand in the pocket pulls out a huge wad of cash
>He hands me a 5 in return for a 20
>That was my dinner money

>having a chill weekend with one of my best friends
>we're just talking and drinking beers
>friend tells me he has something important to say
>ask what it is
>tells me was raped and never told anyone
>laugh because we both joke about horrible shit all the time
>he starts crying

This happened months ago and we're still good friends but every time I see him I think about this autism and want to kill myself.

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>>34824781
>Be me, 9th grade
>Walk to convenience store in ghetto well waiting for afterschool bus
>Black dude asks me for some money as I'm going in
>Tell him all I have is a twenty but I'll come back with change
>Come out and hand him like $14
>Tell him to get whatever he wants, but to grab me a can of Copenhagen Wintergreen
>He says "Sure thing bro"
>Comes out with change, a pack of smokes, and my can of dip
>hands me my shit
>Shake his hand and tell him "He's the man"
>Tells me to "be easy" with a smile as a walk to the bus
It's a good feel, man.

>be an edgy teenager in 9th grade chemistry class
>have to use compasses and polystyrene to construct something (can't remember what exactly)
>working on this with a friend
>for some reason start stabbing polystyrene with compasses
>keep stabbing repeatedly
>friend goes to take compasses from me
>accidentally stab him in the hand
>he starts bleeding lightly
>I shrug and keep stabbing
>end up stabbing myself in the hand as well and bleed also
>laugh because I'm a stupid edgy teenager
>friend says he doesn't know why he still talks to me

>>34820450
more greentexts please
i am not satisfied yet

I've got a couple of autism stories here.

1/5

>be me
>be son of parents who disapprove of japanese cartoons
>be today
>mommy and daddy are gone out
>two new english dubbed episodes of one piece are out on kametsu
>ilikewherethisisgoing.dll
>confront freezer
>fight freezer for five minutes that seems like a lot longer for some reason
>defeat freezer
>defeated freezer surrenders frozen tendies and french fries
>into oven with you, jewish frozen tendies
>be 25 minutes later
>tendies and french fries are now done
>one piece episodes 481 and 482 are downloaded
>so stoked that luffy finally rescued ace from the scaffold
>whatcouldpossiblygowrong.jpg
>confront freezer once again
>slice freezer open in one swift move
>obtain frozen peas
>boil frozen peas until they are no longer frozen but still crunchy
>justthewayilikesthem.psd
>combine tendies, french fries and peas on plate
>take upstairs to bedroom
>start watching one piece 481
>wait
>something is missing
>tendies seem dry and flavorless
>fuck
>forgot mayonnaise

>>34826562

2/5

>go back downstairs
>open fridge
>no mayonnaise
>open cupboard
>no mayonnaise
>contain rage through superhuman effort
>look for salad cream instead
>no salad cream
>only one option left, cream cheese
>take tub of cream cheese out of fridge
>take butter knife from drawer
>walk past front door on way to bedroom
>knock knock
>open door holding cream cheese and knife
>it's the mailman
>he sees cream cheese
>a curious look flits across his face for a brief moment
>what am i going to do
>how do i explain why i am holding cream cheese
>can't tell him the truth
>he might tell mommy and daddy that i was watching forbidden cartoons
>in a moment of desperation, i think to myself "what would /b/ do"
>now i have the answer
>open tub of cream cheese
>fix gaze on mailman
>slowly spread cream cheese up and down my right arm
>his eyes widen in disbelief
>why am i doing this
>what was i thinking
>how do i explain this now

>>34826579

3/5

>once again, i wonder what /b/ would do
>open mouth
>i know exactly what to say
>"i...i'm d-dangerously creamy!"
>fuck i meant to say dangerously cheesy
>now he won't understand
>mailman takes a step back
>places package on the ground
>backs away
>shit now i weirded out the mailman
>if only i'd made the reference properly
>close door
>go back to bedroom
>eat delicious tendies and watch one piece
>cream cheese on arm starts to melt and stick to arm hair
>strangelypleasurable.wmv
>have idea
>write up story for /b/
>they will love it
>it mentions memes and everything
>start to write story
>want to clean cream cheese off arm
>can't leave until finished writing
>all stories must have a proper ending
>but i can't tell a story about something that didn't actually happen yet
>so i can't finish writing until i leave this spot
>but i can't leave this spot until i finish writing
>mfw my life is a paradox
>i've finished my tendies and i can't get more
>mfw i'm going to starve here
>better watch one piece 482
>ace is gonna fight admiral akainu
>disgonbegud.m4v

Now, the odd thing here is that this post is being blocked for non-originality. I don't know why that is, because I haven't posted this story on /r9k/ before. Which one of you anal pirates stole my autism?

>>34824906
Honestly though, that's one of the "The fuck am I supposed to do with this" moments, really isn't much of a proper response. Least as far as I can think.

>>34826638

4/5

>be 2006
>nintendo ds is all the rage
>want one
>want one bad
>mommy and daddy say it's too expensive
>grandma says she will buy me one, but no christmas or birthday presents for two years
>worthit.png
>go to store
>am allowed two games
>pick zoo tycoon and pokemon trozei
>grandma says pokemon is for little kids and retards, i should pick something else
>hmm
>i don't like any of the other games on the shelf
>shut my eyes and point
>little sister shrieks in pain
>i poked her in the eye
>pretend it was my other little sister
>shut my eyes and point again
>pick battleships/monopoly/yahtzee/boggle combo game
>4 games in 1, seems like good value
>go home
>play around with ds settings
>discover pictochat
>mfw no-one to pictochat with
>theorize that since pictochat message data is sent via radio or infra-red or something, even if it isn't received by another ds it will carry on into space forever
>have idea
>write down all my deepest and darkest secrets in a pictochat message
>"sometimes i like to dress up in mommy's clothes and pretend to be a pretty girl" and "i wish i could see my teacher poop" and things like that
>press send
>imagine that message being picked up by aliens in thousands of years
>pleasure myself to the idea of strange eldritch beings from the depths of space discovering my perversions
>a dingaling sound interrupts my reverie

>>34826668

5/5

>message received
>it's the middle of the night
>i'm in bed
>who could be messaging me
>the range on this thing is pretty short
>they must be like next door or something
>message says "nice ;)"
>immediately throw ds out of bed and hide under the covers
>hear more dingalings
>shudder with fear until i fall asleep
>next morning
>battery has run down
>also top screen damaged
>go outside to take out trash
>"morning anon" says next door neighbour
>"morning mr anon's neighbour"
>he stares at me while i take out the trash
>think nothing of it
>that evening
>playing monopoly on ds
>actually quite a good game
>my thoughts drift whilst computer players are taking their turns
>recall neighbour
>big 70's-style moustache
>slightly overweight
>always seems to be smirking
>looks a bit like a pedophile
>suddenly realise who was sending those messages last night
>drop ds again
>top screen damaged even more
>pick it up because i don't like leaving the game unfinished
>suddenly realise that i used my real name as the ds username
>drop ds again
>one of the hinges snaps on impact
>fuck, that cost a lot of money

>see neighbour most days for the next three years
>behave perfectly normally (as far as possible despite autism) whilst knowing he wants to finger me
>then one day he disappeared
>mommy and daddy said he and his wife moved away
>by the way, his wife was clearly a crossdressing man but we were too polite to mention it
>i wonder if he actually moved away or was taken away
>still have ds today, it still works but it's hard to make out what's going on on the top screen
>play pokemon firered on the bottom screen
>who's a little kid and a retard now, grandma?

>>34826562
>>34826579
Goddamn you don't have to explain literally every action to utmost detail, this isn't a VN where you have a lenght quota to fill

>>34826898
I like things that take a long time. Perhaps that's because of autism.

>>34826898

>Sperg moments thread
>Fucking sperg complains because some spergs make sperg-length posts
>Spergs
>Every fucking time

I'll just sperg quietly in the corner now

>>34827002
I don't like other spergs. You can't relate to them, they're filthy degenerates who ought to be gassed.

>>34826562
>>34826579
>>34826638
>>34826668
>>34826692
TL;DR

Seriously, shorten it to two posts at maximum next time, you waste of thread space

>>34827002
Learn to write concisely then you spastic

And don't play the "sperg" card. There's retards, and then there's you on a whole new scale.