ITT the absolute heaviest feels

File: nihilistic tom.jpg (11KB, 280x180px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 280x180px

>tfw you told your mom you were going to be an astronaut

This happened today so it hurts a lot
>See one of my steam friends is on
>He invites me to his game but due to TF2's shitty new system I can't join off of him
>He's playing with one of his friends and does so for an hour, then goes offline
Okay, no big deal. He might have been busy
>5 mins ago another friend is on
>"Dude I've been bored all fucking day, want to play something together?"
>"Sucks to hear thet senpai but I'm watching a stream"
>**** is now away
If you two don't want to play/talk to me don't have me as a friend

>>34786044
Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh muh internet friends

>Diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia at 23.
>Family didn't understand. Relationships broke down between members of the family and me.
>Spend 95% of my time doing nothing, feeling despondent.
>Psychologist I see every month tells me I should try to make some progress in rekindling relationships with the family.
>29th birthday was three months ago.
>Invited all of my immediate family to a restaurant that I booked. Even offered to pay.
>No one shows up.
>Only my sister called and left a voicemail on my phone saying 'sorry I was busy, I couldn't make it'.
>Think nothing of it, but look on Facebook later.
>She opted to go a club with her bf instead.

Now just last month, I got blood tests back from the doctors, and I have liver failure.
I'm thinking about calling it to an end here, lads. It doesn't get better, no matter what people might say.

>>34786147
Yeah, it's trivial. Just want to actually talk to someone while I play for once. Holy fuck I'm a little bitch. Thanks anon, made me realize how big of a toddler I'm being

>>34785827
It's short and cliche but it still hurts to this day

>Met a girl (PLAYING AN ONLINE GAME )
>She was from my school
>She had a crush on me
>I started to like her
>selfdestructivebehaviourkicksin
>Push her away
>She stop talking to me
>Find out she started do date a guy
>Self Steem went to hell
>Developed depression and anxiety (Same school, had to see her everyday and stuff)

Don't talk to a girl ever since...

>>34786176
If you will really carry it through, have a good day before. Do things you love, best case you might even give up on dying, worst case you will feel better before going.

>>34786523
Its not her fault. You sabotaged your own happiness like the robot you are.

>>34786176
You made me feel sad ): i am sorry your family is shit. I wanna tell you not to end it but i dont know what i do in your situation. I guess you have eternity to die but only a little time to live so you might aswell atleast try to do something cool.

>>34786880
I know, she apologized later. I was super angry/sad
after some time I realized I fucked up and wanted to at least apologize
I saw her profile on facebook, saw how happy she was and well, it was too late I guess

>>34786176
Make them regret everything faggot. I don't know how but you gotta do it.

>>34786176
If you're gonna do it, let them know why you did it....

>>34786176
if you don't mind my asking, what were your first symptoms and how/when did they develop?

>>34787730
of the schizophrenia I mean just to be clear, not the liver failure

File: image.jpg (57KB, 640x477px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 640x477px

>>34785827
>tfw classmates from my childhood have been dying within the past year
>look at our elementary yearbook
>says their name and what they want to be when they grow up
>that'll never happen
>mfw one committed suicide and when he grew up he "wants to be happy"
>fuck.jpg

File: IMG_4700.jpg (132KB, 1024x834px) Image search: [Google]

132KB, 1024x834px

>>34787805
>classmate just died Wednesday
>he was a douche loser back in the day, even by my standards
>he went on to be a douche loser
>ODed on some drug and didn't make it
>he was never loved, he didn't do anything with his life, and within a few weeks it will be like this human being never existed

Fuck me, I need to graduate and do something with my life. I don't want to die a nobody. I don't want to be famous or anything, just that I make an impact and people remember me.

>>34787901
LoL Nobody will remember you anyway
Even if someone remember, they'll die and then nobody will remember you animore
and one day there wont be anyone else to be remembered...

File: IMG_4736.png (411KB, 720x398px) Image search: [Google]

411KB, 720x398px

>>34787946
S-SHUT UP ;-;

File: BvG8cle.jpg (357KB, 2712x2712px) Image search: [Google]

357KB, 2712x2712px

>>34785827

>Not being a hacker in the mid 1990's
>The Internet was just starting to get big
>Most people and entire corporations for that matter had no idea what hacking is capable of
>This makes it easier to hack people for infinite lulz
>Get to discover new exploits in windows and use them
> Get to invent hacking techniques that would be used for generations


Feels bad man

File: 1485127127192.jpg (401KB, 1232x1080px) Image search: [Google]

401KB, 1232x1080px

>>34787901
>existential dread
i dont understand this feel

the realization that none of this actually matters and that i could just end it all any time i want to is extremely comforting and probably the only reason i haven't fallen to crippling depression yet

>>34788003
99.9% of companies are still wide fucking open, just keep on working at it and you'll be a 1337 hacker in no time. If you have the skills to find exploits, then you will if you work at it. I worked in an info sec dept with a full time pen tester and he got money all the time from the gov for finding shit in their sites. It wasn't that hard for him either.

>>34785980

literally everyone said that as a kid

File: 1415258028200.jpg (42KB, 498x476px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 498x476px

>Watching old TV shows/bumpers/promos
>Playing old games
>Viewing old websites on archive.org
>Overcome with nostalgia for a time where things felt optimistic and the future actually seemed hopeful
>Realize it was all just a moment in time, and it's over
>You can never, ever, ever go back

>tfw crying yourself to sleep in solitary confinement of a psychiatric hospital

>Accepted awhile ago that I'll always be single
>Been fairly content with life since then
>Had an old friend in high school
>He was like me, always had shit luck with women and could relate to each others >tfwnogf woes
>Felt nice to know there was someone like me
>Was able to accept being single forever because of this
>Started talking to him for the first time in a while
>He has a gf now

I want to feel happy for him but all I can feel is the years of lonliness and depression that I put off hitting me all at once and it fucking hurts. I haven't left my apartment for 5 days now and I've done nothing but lay around and feel depressed.

File: tumblr_o5g1xzqm7o1ur4i40o1_500.gif (537KB, 500x708px) Image search: [Google]

537KB, 500x708px

> family in town for dad's birthday
> me and younger bro have good jobs, making parents proud
> used to fight with and pick on bro, now we get along
> both have musical ambitions, bro is working for prestigious music equipment dealer
> he has had many hot gfs, intends to marry one soon and elope to cali
> i, a fully grown adult, still have anxiety about asking a girl out
> we talk about deep stuff, like the importance of making good connections, passing down family traditions
> taking turns picking background music
> bro picks mostly pop r&b, EDM stuff (bro is alpha hipster), i pick mostly synthwave
> feel undefinable longing for connection to heritage
> all modern 'love' tender feeling courtship music is soul R&B booty shaking oontz oontz hiphop.
> not that there's anything wrong with that, but it doesn't feel like it's connected to my roots.
> modern courtship feels like LARPing as something you're not
> put on polka
> dance with mom

File: image_by_electricelements-d8sbres.jpg (98KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

98KB, 640x640px

>be me
>in church
>a girl walked up to me after mass since I was sitting and waiting for my friend.
>"Hello my name is Luisa"
>Pale skin and 9/10 look
>We talked for hours about various things (mostly school)
>Was planning to ask her out until my parents told me that we were moving to another state
>mfw
>After two months of platonic relationship, she changed...
>She started hitting me, called me names, and treats me like I'm her son.
>This happens for at least 4 months, until I told her that I was moving.
>after I've told her that she went to another guy
>we were friends still but her attitude change to not giving a fuck about me.
>One week before I've left I said my good byes
>Then I've talked to one of her friends and she told me that Luisa could be "mean sometimes."
>I looked at her with her bf and she is pinching him
>mfw I could've had a sadist gf.
>mfw I found out that I was a masochist.

Fuck my life.

>>34785827
>diagnosed sociopath
>still desire real love
>has to love me for who i am
>literally impossible

File: 1479952918108.jpg (29KB, 500x421px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 500x421px

>>34785827
>find old yearbook
>See all my friends who I never talk to anymore signed it
>See oneitis's signature

Just when I was starting to get over her

>>34785827
>>34787946

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzQ6gRAEoy0

When i'm older I'll be silent beside you

I know that words are not enough

And they won't need to know our names or our faces

But they will carry on for us

It's a long way forward

So trust in me

I'll give them shelter like you've done for me

And I know I'm not alone

You'll be watching over us

Until you're gone

>>34789177
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nntOYUODSV0

File: image.png (166KB, 264x314px) Image search: [Google]

166KB, 264x314px

>>34789177
No no no don't do this to me anon

>>34785827
I actually wound up searching kikebook for a group that was my graduating class of my highschool. Actually exists, and 5/6 of my graduating class is using that.

Decided to check them out. Most of them never got out of that shitty little town. Some literally went to college, got a teaching degree, and then moved back to that shitty 2,000 person town with no industry to teach.

I don't miss any of them. I don't miss having my life controlled by others. I don't miss the people I hung out with, because I never really had anything in common with them, aside from the fact that we were stuck in the same school together at the same time.

I fucking love the freedom of adulthood, and pity those who miss their childhood.

File: 1413815157791.jpg (104KB, 1280x842px) Image search: [Google]

104KB, 1280x842px

>Wake up every day at 6 am to take sisters to school
>Work 50 hours a week, through 6 or 7 days
>If not working babysitting sisters
>Only a tool to my family, they only ever speak to me to do a task, or insult me
>If I try to talk to my dad, if there's a disagreement he gets hostile and threatens to beat the shit out of me
>If I don't do a chore mom acts like I'm a demonspawn blight on her life
>think about moving out
>all long time friends I've asked have dodged my proposals and sound reluctant

I guess something's wrong with me, I just want to feel accepted somewhere, but for someone to be happy, another must be miserable. That's my purpose. A tool to be used and discarded.

>>34789212
To measure what we've lost..

>>34789249
You asked for the feels now take them! Embrace the sadness.

Wanted to improve my life back in the summer. Skip to October i bulged my disc in lower back due to bad Posture working out.
I've been in numbing pain for months and doctors don't tell me if it's permanent.
I'm afraid I'll always be in pain and useless..
Thinking of suicide once my mum dies

>>34789272
Then they aren't your friends. That said, rooming with friends is a horrible idea. Much better to try rooming with strangers, because then both people have that period where they are trying to accommodate each other, and rules are easily formed.

>>34789302
Stop going to doctors. Go to a chiropractor to start, and then follow up with massage therapy.

File: 1419216454103.jpg (17KB, 468x323px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 468x323px

>Couple years ago
>Find old school shirt from when I left primary school
>It's got signatures on it and messages of good luck
>Remember that that was the one time I felt like I had friends and got along with people when people were signing my shirt
>Look at the back
>Just below the neck in big letters is the word "cunt"
>Thought that people were laughing with me that day because it was a happy occasion
>Now I realise they were laughing at me
>Throw shirt in the bin
>Tfw I just wanted to be liked
>Tfw know I was a bit weird but I just wanted friends. I just wanted to be like the other kids
>Tfw all they saw me as was a cunt

File: 4v4da58r.jpg (5KB, 240x119px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 240x119px

>break up with my first GF after 1.5 years because she cheated on me
>single for a year, meet a new GF from gaming related things
>date for 5 years
>every year she gets progressively worse towards me, last year and a half is absolutely destroying
>skip school for a year lying to her because I'm so depressed
>finally work out she's cheating, no solid proof but small things
>like a condom in her bar purse, we never used them
>and guarding her phone like it was a million winning lottery ticket
>dump her
>she comes clean only on "seeing other men to see what kind of a person was behind the nickname" but no sex
>her ex friend tells it all: hotel nights, going after stranger men from bars etc
>know this since I sometimes picked her up from weird places in the morning instead of her coming home for the nights
>fall in to limbo
>somehow after 4 months of doing absolutely nothing else besides trying to stay alive and sane I manage to land a job
>a job in IT
>where I get to play with hardware all day and make trainees build PC's etc
>no bosses breathing down my neck, work is relaxed and I excel at it
The only glimmer of hope in my life
>get to know 4 girls during the past 15 months
>each one show clear as day signs of interest in me which I return, we have lunches, movie nights etc
>they all just stop and start dating Chads
>they stop contacting me all together, only one sends a message every month and a half

I've gained 30kg of weight in the past 5 years and there's no way I can work up motivation to lose it when my main struggle is not to kill myself every day, so I guess my biggest feel is my pitiful excistence.

Woe is me.