Where were you when the feeling of utter loneliness hit?

Sitting on the roof of my 94 pontiac sunbird on the top level of a parkade, staring up at the stars at 11pm on a cold December night.

Fuck you i was standing

>>34719487
During my last year of high school a girl started talking to me and hugging me as a greeting. I eventually confessed and got turned down. Ever since then
>tfw no gf
has hung over me like a heavy cloud.

After my house burnt down due to some electrical bullshit. After my gf and 2 dogs died in the fire. After I became an alcoholic and everyone is just watching me die a slow painful death.

>>34719654
Sounds slow and painful

>>34719487
I was delivering newspapers in -25 F weather with no gloves and no coat. We had just had a house fire and despite all of the donations there wasn't a single coat or pair of gloves that came even close to fitting me. It was around 5 pm and despite the cold I was in really deep thought. The stars had already come out and I just realized after really closely examining myself that whatever I have was something different than what everyone else had, and that that meant I was going to be alone, through the best years of my life and beyond. I just accepted it. It's actually a pretty comforting memory now

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>>34719487
Well
>Get home from school
>Another shitty day of being bullied in grade 10
>say fuck it and eat that edible i gor from a party at a parents friends house
>Watching pink floyd the wall
>ithits
>start endlessly crying
>Too high to move my hands to wipe tears off my face
>Too high to lie down and put my head under a blanket
>Take the sadness full force
>spend the rest of high school as an anti social autist beta who cant hold conversations

its been 4 years since, and i still cant talk to people since my shitty school experiences and well, others which are deranged...

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When I realized that I sat alone for every lunch period in high school

>>34719722
I had this realization on my last day of high school

>>34719747
it was in my room, while I was skipping my last couple of classes

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>>34719722

>did this same thing but would always go to the library for lunch thinking I could at least avoid being seen
>one day a Stacey calls me out on it in front of my entire class and says "THAT'S WHY ANON DOESN'T GO TO LUNCH! BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE ANYONE TO SIT WITH!"

HOW THE FUCK DID SHE SEE ME

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When I sat in my room with my junk in my hand at 4am. Shit hit me and I cried in the shower. Bad times aren't supposed to last this long.

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When it was my birthday and no one wished me happy birthday. No friends did, sad times.

Same place I am every day. Sitting in front of my computer

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>high school
>freshman
>me and a few guys joke around
>girl says something to my friend, I say some stupid shit as a joke
>girl calls me a handhold less virgin faggot and says that no girl likes me
>since I was with my buds I take it as a joke
>go home
>stay in bed crying

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>>34719768
fucking roastie vampires.

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I've never had any friends. still don't.

my mom left me at school overnight in 3rd grade. she forgot to pick me up. I'm her only child and she forgot me. no one noticed. I slept in the school bathroom after they locked the doors and turned off all of the lights.

a few years later, I ran away from home. turns out she didn't even bother looking for me or even notice I was gone. no one did. I was gone for 4 days. when I came home, she didn't even ask where I was. she didn't seem concerned. when I said, "I almost didn't come back," and threatened to leave again, she didn't even bat an eye. she said, "that's nice, darling. dinner's ready," and that was that.

I remember when I used to cry loudly in bed, trying to console myself and my mom would scream at me from the other room at like 2 AM telling me to quiet down because some people have to work tomorrow, you ass.

I have literally never been hugged by anyone. ever.

it took me a while to realize I have absolutely no one that gives a single shit about me. I genuinely, seriously wonder if anyone would care if I died. like, if I committed suicide right now, how many days would it take for someone to notice? how many people would show up at my funeral? do I even get a funeral? I'm basically already dead anyway

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>>34719487
In the hell that is high school. Realizing that these were supposed to be my best years and yet my best years were in middle school. This was when I'd felt true sadness.

I'd heard about the idyllic high school with parties and girls and what not. Mine was an all dude high school that my parents forced me to go to and so I suffered.

Only thing that helped me get through it all was believing that surely college couldn't let me down. Boy was I wrong. I have no such hopeful optimism for medical school or even for making it through this next two or so years.

Life is suffering, Anon. I'd always hoped to find a partner in crime but the more I learned about the world the more that dream died until now it is a cold bit of worm food. I haven't had a good year since 2008. I thought last year would have broken the shit streak but the second half made it the worst yet.

At least it was good for pol and memes. Feels bad sempai

>>34719487
God how I know this feel right now. Here is a (you) for posting this

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When I was at a store once and saw this attractive Chad with his super qt blonde gf. He leaned down a little and kissed her forehead, and had his arms wrapped around her. I saw the entire thing.

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>>34720857
You come here because you have us. No one else in your life is worth a damn but we'll always be here. Don't kill yourself for them. They might throw a funeral and show up so they could cry and pretend that they really missed that one lonely quiet kid but they wouldn't care. Do you really want a bunch of Chad's and Stacies at your funeral using your death as yet ANOTHER way to attention whore when they couldn't give a shit when you lived?

Don't feel down, Anon. We've got your back buddy. If you do decide to go through with it, at least link your facebook and your Mom's facebook in a farewell thread. The funeral info is bound to show up on there. Maybe one of the actual robots left on this site can send you off. Helps to have at least one person at the casket who bothered to understand you and actually cares that a brother autist died.

I'd hope you go on and become successful instead, if only to spite all those assholes. Slay em with your success dude. Be wealthy and don't under ANY circumstances forgive them or treat them better than they treated you when they had all the power in the interactions. Live well, Anon. Be well.

>>34719487
it was 2014 i was 21 years old and i heard about elliot rodger, thats when i woke up and realized i was a loser

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>>34722365
>le "Fembot" XD I'm like you guys even though I have access to boys and my loneliness is because I want Chad and the top 20 percent of dudes not because I can't attract a decent guy, ew. It's Chad or bust. Worst case scenario I marry and divorce rape a non-Chad beta provider. XD

Leave at once

Playing Final Fantasy XV, realizing that all my friends would be too busy to go on a world saving adventure with me and bond over the campfire.