Where did it all go wrong?

>>34717687
i had a shitty childhood
and photographic memory of it all
i can't escape it.

>>34717687
why dont you go back to plebbit you fucking normie?

>>34717687
autism and moving to another state when i was in elementary school
everyone at the new school bullied me cuz i was in special ed and my new neighborhood had no kids so i became a total shutin hooked on video games

>grade 7
>Sub 5' Asian with that buzzcut (you know the one)
>Watch mlp and am that guy
>Have crush on stacy
>Friends convince me to go for it
>I spaghetti out
>Friends have to literally drag us together
>"H-h-hey stacy want to catch a movie sometime"
>"I'm not looking for a relationship right now.."
>Literally walk away red hot in shame

I later overheard her personally describing it as the "worst day of her life" to the mutual friend who dragged use together.

I actually am honestly incapable of talking to a single girl I've felt attracted to since.

I.e
>Walk up to girl really conspiciously
>"Want some help with that math"
>"No I'm ok"
>Fuck why did I think this would work, say something
>At least 5 seconds have passed
>"Your outfit is cute"
>"Oh thanks!"

Then I walked away and never talked to her again.

>>34717687
viscious self perpetuated hatred and drugs.. what about you lads?

Being afraid of the world, afraid to make any decisions, incapable of taking any risks.

FYI: This is how you end up a 30 year old NEET that's never worked.

selective mutism and avoidant personality disorder at a young age

catch-22'd me from being able to seek help until i could do it privately as an adult without telling my parents. was too ashamed

When I was 12 I almost choked my cat to death but stopped when I realized what I was doing and he began to claw my hands.

I had no bad feelings towards my cat and I actually loved him a lot but I had no friends and I had a mom that I felt was not giving me any freedom and I just went crazy for a second.

Luckily the cat is okay and he learned to forgive me. Every day he comes and lays on my stomach and falls asleep while I stroke his little head. I never did anything close to hurting him ever again.

>>34717687
Living in a shit city in Southern California.

Also depression despite not having any horrific events. My therapist just told me "yeah it can just happen for no reason sometimes :D"

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>>34717687
>grew up poor as shit
>was clearly a mistake
>parents only stayed together because they were afraid of being judged (they divorced as soon as I graduated HS)
>parents would randomly get verbally abusive for absolutely no reason
>constant physical bullying at school
>inbred hick town where everyone was related so nothing was ever done about it
>parents were apathetic about the bullying, at most would just tell me to man up and learn to fight
>never managed to make friends
>only girl who ever showed interest in me ended up being crazy and we never got to fuck
>probably autist but never got tested
By the time I was finished HS and finally got away from everything the concept of normal social interaction was so foreign to me that most people seemed like aliens

The moment I found my dad's gore porn in the recycle bin at age 12. Asian girl chained against a concrete wall. I didn't watch it nor understand but the thumbnail images I saw did enough for me to realize my dad wasn't the dad I needed.

>got harrased and attacked by a person of a certain ethnicity when in 2nd or 3rd grade when I lived in Baltimore
>been paranoid and constantly avoid people and open spaces ever since
>everyone at hs thought I was a sociopath

>>34717687
>What made you the fucked up person you are today?

I'm pretty sure I've been a retarded from the start, I just didn't realize it until I was about 16. In retrospect it's pretty impressive I managed to pass as a cyborg.

>>34718720
Sounds like your dad is a robot

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>Multiple existential crisis
>Self-confidence shattered by taking courses I couldn't pass
>Social anxiety keeps me away from people and unable to hold job

I'm honestly considering becoming a traveling vagrant. I have money, probably enough to not starve to death.

>>34718216
>My therapist just told me "yeah it can just happen for no reason sometimes :D"
lmao at this. and at therapy. where in socal?

>>34718894
Riverside.

If I had three nukes I'd detonate one in the air, one on the surface, and one below the city.

The only redeeming quality about the city is that "It's not that bad!" Except for the pollution and water quality. It is that bad.

there wasn't a single event that really defined me, but a bunch of smaller things throughout my youth that weathered me down. the whole time, i knew i was weird, but it wasn't until my mid teens that i realized how fucked things actually were. i was able to salvage things somewhat, but the formative (arguably the most important) years were long gone

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>>34717687
Thanks to my abuse of family who bullied the shit out if me since I could remember to like 13, then I started to use the internet what fucked me up and then mix of them not letting me use the internet and bullying me ago, finally I snapped what got me sent to the ward and my family played the victim to their horrible son, I swear to god the next time they even look at me funny I'm going to go on a violent rampage that you'll probably see on the news or something.

>>34718922
had a buddy who was going to UCR and I would visit him and we would get super baked and go to the local breweries. I never did feel entirely safe in the area but it was fun to be out of my own home for a few nights. We would go down to SD.. those were the best trips

>>34718956
Of* agian*
FUCK FUCK FUCK

>>34719004
Ucr is surprisingly comfy for the shit city it's in.

The problem is I'm always here and can't leave because I'm neety.

Nineteen years of regular abuse and torture by my psychotic schizophrenic father. Somehow, I came out of the ordeal sane and I've managed to grow into the man I want to be but I still have permanent brain damage and overall deficiencies.

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>pushed into job by fairly well off relative, directly after high school
>working all the time makes me lonely, very lonely.
>call out sick one day
>looking for something to fap to, find humiliatrix over phonesex
>Been getting worse and worse every year - I have now spent over 20k on my porn addiction
>only sick weird, depraved shit gets me off now

>>34717687
Bitch stupid try hard mother who I think secretly hates males because of her fucked up dad, keeping me a weak beta skinny fag that was never allowed to eat protean or show emotion and my stupid beta father who never talks. I was bascially rasied by a single mother but without the sympathy you would get from society. GOD DAM IT MOM I AM SO MAD AT YOU, IT NEVER GOES AWAY YOU FUCKED ME FOR LIFE.

Well, my parents abandoned me when I was an infant, I guess that's as good a place to start as any. Raised in government care so I got pretty much no affection. Bullied in school and at home by the other kids. Teachers labelled me as stupid and gave up on me early. No role models. No friends. No sense of belonging. The first time I ever felt like I belonged was when I found 4chan.

>>34717687
>raped by sister at the age of 6
>beaten by parents multiple times
> was basically the slave boy of the family from a young age
Idk
But I sure it's nothing but my fault

>>34717687
I grew up hating people because I was bullied and had no friends. I don't care so much anymore. I'm a shitty hermit who can't make connections nowadays even though I've reigned in my autistic rage.

>>34719050
I did like the UCR campus it was nice and the immediate surrounding areas aren't as bad as I made it out to be I guess.. still felt a little uneasy at night time but it was cool and the setup my friend had was about as good as anyone could ask for off campus

>>34718956
Define 'snapped'

>>34719348
Tried killing myself, then started attacking family members, tried killing my dad at one point, still want to this very moment.

>>34719129
>The first time I ever felt like I belonged was when I found 4chan.
and that is where it went wrong

>>34719141
I remember reading that fucking story

You punched her in the throat right?

Guess you werent lying about that shit

>have great parents
>mom had me when she was 23
>lose the lottery of life and get autism anyway

I have above average IQ, and a very healthy and fit body. If I was born with a normal brain I would have been a rich Chad now.

>>34717687
Single mother probably. My mom also had me in her early 30's. My younger sister is also awkward as fuck.

>>34717687
As soon I hit puberty I also got hit with crippling depression and anxiety

No desire to do anything.No ambition, no desire to go to school, or develop any dreams to reach for.Basically living in a world I have no desire to be in or a part of.

its like turning on the tv and it being stuck on the most boring shit you could think of. Where you're unable to hit the off switch, nor look away.

Funny thing is, Im not even suicidal.yet anyway.

could be the extreme poverty or the rape or the anx-depression or the suicide attempts or constant running away or preteen drinking idk

i look into these threads, and indeed this whole board, and all i can do is laugh. we are the men that the carousel riding sluts of our generation are depending on to be successful and cushion their soft landing into marriage, and it just tickles me that none of you, nobody on this board, and /b/ and /pol/ even REMOTELY have your shit together to be taken seriously as a marital prospect, and that makes me happy, it's a sign that the gravy train of feminism is making its last stops

Im 100% certain that my parents buying me a PC is what fucked me up the most. I would spend every single hour i was not a school in front of my pc, i would spend my holidays in front of it, i got fat, lost my social skills and then once the acne kicked in i completely shut off

>>34721085
born 87, im definitely on the older end of /b/ and /r9k/. we still grew up with dreams of marriage only to watch it decay. the decay part is the most painful.

>discovered furry porn
>discovered I like guys
>discovered I want to be a girl
>started skating and smokin weed
>started listening to brutal death metal and grindcore
>associated myself with many bad influences
>started browsing 4chan
>developed a toxic sense of humor
>became social recluse
>been 3 years in an unhealthy relationship where we're both depression and anxiety ridden
>live surrounded by heroin addicts
>developed more unhealthy fetishes

If you think that your current state can be blamed on one single event, you still have a very long way to go.

>>34717861
If you think your current state is because of some bitch you would have forgotten about less than a year from that event, you are beyond saving.

>>34717687
>my parents
>homeschool
>being shoved into high school because parents divorced
>eaten alive by high schoolers
>self esteem shattered because no social skills, crippling depression and hourly thoughts of suicide
>constant feeling of hopelessness
>26 years old, living with mom a dumb pathetic kissless virgin
>no dreams
>no aspirations
>no anything

my life is a shitty old beat up tire rolling down a hill of sand in Namibia, it wont go far but it'll be cool to watch me fall to the fucking bottom for everyone else