What's the most beta thing you've ever said to a girl?

>You're fairly attractive. Perhaps we could go on a date?

I was 12, luckily I stopped trying to get girls shortly after that.

>>34705932
You are smalltime

Here's a text I sent my oneitis a week ago

"Yo.

You know what? I'm starting to realize I'm not as pathetic as I force myself to think. If I set
myself to a goal, I can make it. I can have anything I want, if I set my mind to it and work for it.
And you're on the easier side.

You've always been there for me. I can always rely on you to talk to. I know you said we couldn't work
out, but I'm done backing down. I'm going to achieve you, and I'mma do it right now.

I normally feel nervous when confessing to someone. Right now, I don't feel that in the slightest.
I know you want to take a risk.

Go out with me. No, I'm not saying "please". I'm not asking your permission like I did when I first
messaged you. You seemed unnattainable to me at some point, but right now you are absolutely within
my reach.

Go out with me."

She said yes

>>34705825

"I love you, what's your name?"

File: crying every night.png (170KB, 500x522px) Image search: [Google]

170KB, 500x522px

>Excuse me, but I'm going to take advantage of you by giving you a hug

File: 1474523605671.jpg (43KB, 554x921px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 554x921px

>>34705825
>tfw rant about my robot woes to my friend on a weekly basis

she's my friend but i wonder what she thinks of me

>>34705825

sent photos of cuts with razor blade
>Going to kill myself if you leave ;w;
>cry cry

File: 1482983156790.jpg (75KB, 600x890px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 600x890px

>>34705825
I talked about my 'feelings' and only got one word replies and then promptly ignored.

Never show your vulnerabilities lads.

I love you. After only 3 weeks... at least she aid it back though.

>>34705962
oh my god tryharding and faking confidence so hard.. here have a (you)

"I'm bidden to your command m'lady"

>>34705825
>"No haha, it didn't bother me"

File: 1484792294863s.jpg (3KB, 250x164px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 250x164px

>i'll give you flower for you
am i joked?

>>34705825
"I really like you and I think we could be good friends, if I could only spend some time with you" (I had a crush on her and wanted to date her)

I was 25. Jesus fucking Christ.

File: 1179902564137.jpg (82KB, 908x681px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 908x681px

>>34705962
>Yo
I hope someone stabs you in the asshole with a knife when you're sleeping.

I made pancakes for you

I was 18

>>34706314
This very obviously mormon couple came into one of the community kitchen while I was cooking burgers with my pals. They were making pancakes. They left when we started talking about drugs.

I tokd mo gonzo id eat the shit out of her butthole if she gave me a chance at desu

>>34705962
are you 14 and do the naruto run though your school?

File: Screenshot_20170206-211713.png (456KB, 720x1280px) Image search: [Google]

456KB, 720x1280px

I took this down last night. While her face wasn't bad, I assumed she had some weight, with body type listed as "average" and no pics of her body.

>get there about 7, she's smoking cigs
>offers me a beer puts on Netflix shit
>on NOFAP day 6, desperate to bust a nut so I make a move
>pressing my body into her apple- on- top- of- a- pear shaped body, making out and removing clothes
>get nakey, start to shiggy
>she gets on top after a bit of "missionary for the sole purpose of procreation"
>she chums, rather audibly
>turn her over, hit from behind
>have trouble staying in due to her thighs and ass being 2-3 times mine
>imagine fitfu, finally bust into condom
>get dressed, take condom with me and leave by 7:29
>drive an hour back home

Don't bang fatties.

>>34706012
how close with her were you?

>make up a fake trauma story about getting bullied by a girl to get my crush to pity me.

File: blondegirlcutefeet7.jpg (142KB, 500x750px) Image search: [Google]

142KB, 500x750px

>>34705825
One time a pretty girl was sitting on the grass barefoot, so I said, "Would it be ok if I worshiped your feet for a little while?"

THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS :

why the fuck would any man be stupid enough to ruin his chances with some pussy by saying anything 'beta' ?.......

Everybody is in control of what they say, of what comes out of their mouth, unless they have a documented case of Tourette syndrome....

So if you never said anything beta in front of a girl you are more than likely a homosexual... Because you refused to control your behavior that day and you are unlikely to take any control of your behavior in the future.

BETA : voluntary submission to homosexuality

ANY FUCKING QUESTIONS ?....

>>34706355
I don't do the naruto run but I do sometimes slam doors when I walk through them as if it's dramatic

So yeah I still have some anime delusions as if it wasn't obvious by the post

>>34706860
Gee....

My wife says "that's not creepy at all... Is it ?"

W E I R D

no wonder girls get creeped out by you

You're one of those COMPLETELY ASEXUAL GUYS who wants to convince everyone that his predictable 'foot fetish' (meme) is some form of 'elite, superior sexuality', while in fact, it's quite the opposite...

Feet are NOT a sexual organ, and in no way act as a surrogate sexuality

You're NOT fooling anyone

You simply don't want sex

Because you're still afraid

........

..........

But that's okay......

You're not the only one with this fear

........

.........

I'm JN

I'll help you conquer it

If you want to

....but if you refuse to conquer it....

You'll be blind to the fact......

....that IT conquered YOU......

>>34706990
I was just bustin your balls for making such a grand gesture towards this gal for something very simple.

"Hey you got plans this weekend?" would've been fine is all i'm sayin :^)

>>34706076
I was about to post the same thing, the problem i didn't even say it instead i draw a heart in yahoo doodle.
The thing is i never liked her i was just horny

I can't believe I lost my virginity to someone who didn't even love me.

That was probably it. But you know, at the time I really felt it, so whatever. Week later she goes dating some guy. Women a shit.

>>34707136
this was a LDR though, so, kinda expected with todays women. when you're young an naive you actually believe they have the composure to stick around.

File: 1482844052464.jpg (104KB, 932x618px) Image search: [Google]

104KB, 932x618px

>having a conversation
>suddenly silence where we just look at each other
>"It's awfully cold outside"
>skip forward some weeks
>pull her aside and tell her that I care about her a lot
>she hugs me tightly
>jackpot
>"I see you as a friend, anon"
>oh
>tell her about how my mental state is fucked in part because of the year I spent as a hermit NEET
>roughly two hours pass before I'm done
>we're still close friends to this day

>>34706990
This is called HISTRIONICS

it's usually implemented by women

Or overly dramatic men

By the way, 'overly dramatic' kinda means 'gayish'

So.........

Here's what we're gonna do......

You're going to try to minimize your HISTRIONIC behavior

And you'll see results

You can relax now.......

Being HISTRIONIC takes up a lot of energy

Not anymore....

You're free now.....

Free to relax and just be cool

To be the type of dude that girls would find 'easy to hang out with'...

'natural'......

'confident'.....

happy to be himself.....

fun to have come along with you for extended time

....breathe......

....slowly......

In through your nose, out your mouth....

S l o w l y . . . .
See ?....

It's alright now

>>34705962
I will never understand what compels a grown man to do shit like this.

>>34707047
>....but if you refuse to conquer it....
>You'll be blind to the fact......
>....that IT conquered YOU.....
oh this is too real JN, help me

>>34706377
who anon?

mo gonzo?

>>34705825
Never said anything beta to women because I don't talk to them in a way that would lead them to think that I desire a romantic relationship with them.
The most beta thing I've said is probably something like
>let me borrow your eraser really quick
Back in middle school

This is when, as my wife Wendy just said to you : "it's time you learn to stfu"

You just heard it from a girl

Shut up when you get to the 'just friends' part... That's your opportunity to reign victorious by TURNING HER NO INTO A YES

think about it ... In sales, If somebody walks in the door looking for an item that you have. If you haven't 'sold' anything...

You simply 'handed it to them'...

You simply grabbed the item off the shelf for them

That's not a SALESMAN

A salesman's job is to convince the customer why their NO is now their YES

and make them think it was THEIR idea

So....

How would 'I' handle this one ?...

Try this:
Look her in the eye and say :

"Exactly, but the only way to know if we were meant to be more than just friends is to do an 'experiment' to see if our energy fields (auras) conflict, or if they feel comfortable intertwining"

as I was explaining the scientific process of the 'experiment' we are going to conduct, I would have already begun physical touch with first, a very mild but sensual sweeping of my hand through her hair, and moved in with a COMFORTABLE NON-CREEPY kiss

and I can GUARANTEE you that within 12 minutes, I would have my dick in the bitch

But that's ME.....

YOU ?.... you'd be better off making the sale, closing the deal.....

Let your aura intertwine by moving in close

Tell her to be quiet and pay attention to how your energies mix, and ask her if it feels like they conflict

But before she can answer the question, answer it for her

"It feels totally natural and familiar to me"

If she says no after that ?...

There will be HUNDREDS of these opportunities

No biggie

Keep trying

But stop being a dumbass, sir

>>34705825
Years ago when I still had an account, some girl made a lame ceiling cat joke on facebook, so I followed that up with

"Is watching you masturbate."

on her account her family and friends were also on

which then got a lot of people pissed at me

and they told my parents about how i'm a sick freak who should get his ass kicked

and the girl didn't get the joke

>>34707266

ATTENTION:

I honestly can't tell if you're comment was meant to be sarcastic or if it was sincere...

Either way my answer back would be the same...

My response would be my advice that I am giving out here is the best goddamn it bites you guys will ever get and it's coming from somebody who totally understand where you are coming from... My advice is not coming from some offstage Chad Normie bullshit meme

My advice is based on EXPERIENCE

and my comment about letting fear conquer you ?....

I stand by my comments 100%

A L W A Y S

>>34705962
I don't see what's wrong with this. Maybe I'm just autistic but this seems pretty alpha.

LOL @ IT BITES

Let me tell you why I used speech to text... Several years ago something happened in my life that I found so painful... I decided to remove my index finger from my right hand buy drastic means.....

There's really no explanation for irrational thinking or behavior... So don't waste your time asking me what I was thinking because... I was out of my mind...

I used to illustrate ZZ Top's Graphics at Warner Brothers for them with my right hand...

The index finger on my right hand is the finger that holds and controls paint brushes and pens and pencils and does sculpture and click the mouse on my 3D animations

For some reason I decided the universe would not be balanced unless I sacrificed that finger and made it so I could never draw again

I laid my finger across a T frame cast iron bar, and with a 15 pound sledge hammer gave it everything I had....

My finger did not come off completely

It was the worst thing that you've ever seen

It was BAAAAAAAAD

the injury was AWESOME

the grossest thing EVER !

but they saved my finger

I had a great orthopedic surgeon

They saved it

So I use speech to text

Because my finger will never move again

And I use phablets... Big ass phones

No thumbs... Too big

IT BITES = ADVICE

I GIVE YOU GUYS THE BEST GOD DAMN ADVICE YOULL EVER HEAR

>>34707286
if you're not close with someone and you start telling them about your feelings you're bad at conversation and are just dumping your bullshit on an unsuspecting person.

what were you talking about before your explosion of feelings?

i'm trying to help you moving forward my guy

>>34705932
I've said the exact same thing, except I used rather instead of fairly. She ended up giving me her number and we went on a date.
Being tall, muscular, and white is the reason why she didn't initially reject me.

>>34706368
>take condom with me
That's disgusting. Just throw that shit in the trash you filthy paranoid motherfucker.

>>34705825
>Do you want to be my girlfriend?
Well, i got her after that.

>>34707691
not him, but i find it easier to tell shit to people i don't know rather than people i actually am close to because everytime i do the latter it always turns out badly or the people just straight up tell me they don't really care. i'm talking like close family members and friends i've known for years.

i don't give a shit about some rando or dumping my life on them. fuck them. it's the only time i can vent about shit. same reason i post on this board.

>>34706368
Personally I thought the part about the used condom was the only part in your story that WASNT disgusting

>>34708192
Thats a good way to never actually solve anything though. You're just dumping on someone who REALLY has no incentive to give a fuck about you or your problems and you're fucking up a possible relationship.

Find one or two close friends you're okay talking with. SHit changed my life when me and a friend just started working through our shit together.

>>34708240
>You're just dumping on someone who REALLY has no incentive to give a fuck about you
Which is why I do it.

>Find one or two close friends you're okay talking with
I've tried that, parents, cousins, etc. Every single time it either damaged the relationship beyond repair or made me realize that they don't really give a shit either way and just want me around for "good vibes" or something.

Either way, shit isn't getting solved. I'd rather take the option where I don't lose anything because I don't care or just never say anything at all.

>>34708203
Neptune you are hilarious

>>34708274
Fuck talking to family. They're chained to you. those are bonds of necessity, not choice. I don't talk about ANYTHING with my family.

If your closest friends don't wanna help you with your shit, they aren't very good friends. Buy your buddy a beer and when he asks "Whats up, man?" tell him straight up "I got some shit thats bothering me. Mind if I bounce some shit off of you? Maybe you can help." Even if they don't have great advice, it's nice to have someone listen.

"Anon, you want to get something to eat after class?"
"Nah, I'm not really hungry"

I'm so beta that it never even occurred to me that there was some other motive.

>>34708346
>If your closest friends don't wanna help you with your shit, they aren't very good friends
I don't really have friends anymore since I cut most of them out due to this reason. I've just given up on venting to people I know in real life. My problems aren't that important in the grand scheme of everything.

I've never had a meaningful conversation with a girl.

>>34705825
>Do you actually like me, or are you just using me for my shit?
asked after she had come to my house and smoked my weed a few times
>inb4 reee normie
this was the only time I've ever been alone with a girl

File: 10121.jpg (8KB, 277x182px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 277x182px

>"I love you to pieces"
She said no

>>34709166

It's hard to tell Which One Is The Girl in your story....

You....

Or the girl....

Stfu

>>34707537
>I normally feel nervous when confessing to someone. Right now, I don't feel that in the slightest.
alpha as fuck

Asked a actual trap how big her feminine penis was

>>34709215
damn nice flex dude you fucking got me

>>34709202
should have "loved" her to literal pieces, anon.

>>34709282
Its funny in some respects, I absolutely adored her at the time but look back on it and think 'jesus, I knew practically nothing about this woman and she was really bland'. Quite bizarre how emotions can take you.

>>34705825
I love you.
Never again

File: 1413603170712.png (27KB, 631x708px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 631x708px

>Go to Tana concert
>Get to take a photo with her
>Go "Say nigger!" instead of "Say cheese!"
>She gets creeped out and tells me to kill myself

>>34706368
Anyone else feel sorry for these girls?

Just imagine how much it hits them hard when they're on their own after fling no. 38 fucks off again.

>>34705825
>I mean, I would date you if you wanted
guess how that turned out

>>34709704
you dated and had a long, meaningful relationship that is still going strong now?

>>34705825
Lets crayola cuz im such a faggot I cant cope otherwise

>>34705932
I wouldn't call that beta, but it's definitely autistic.

>Do you want my number?
I had read on tumblr that """"""real men"""""" (read: beta male feminists) should always offer their number to girls instead of asking a girl for hers because muh rape culture or whatever

I thought this was something girls would actually appreciate, how wrong I was

>>34710239
now that is fucking embarrassing

File: 15337631_10153905603600633_6902356326724130265_n.jpg (7KB, 236x200px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 236x200px

>>34705825
>be me at 16
>have gf inb4 ree
>getting handjob
>not enjoying it because death grip even at that young age
>she can sense this
>asks if there's anything she can do to make it more enjoyable
>"do it with your mouth?"
>she just stops jerking me off, stares at me for a moment and laughs for like 5 minutes
>tells all her friends about my pathetic attempt at trying to get a blowjob
>mfw

>>34710357
that's pretty alpha actually, normie fag

i think i asked someone to marry me at one point in time not sure what happened with that

>>34710357
Nothing wrong with this, she's a cunt

File: 1445762626403.jpg (36KB, 300x360px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 300x360px

>I really love you. You're the most amazing person I've met.
>No response
>Never talk to her in person again even though I see her daily for another 5 years

hi
Orginal post

>>34705962
Please tell me that this is an artistic work of fiction and falsehood. You could be a great author if so

>>34705825
Text her "hey I really like you, any chance you feel the same?"

her: "you're a really great friend" :^)

Why is there a crackhead in this thread? I'm not giving him any (You)s. Legitimately curious.

"Will you be my waifu?"

I don't know what I was thinking..

>C-can I have some nudes mistress?
Thats the first thing that really comes to mind.

>>34709396
>I knew practically nothing about this woman and she was really bland'.
That really takes me back to my old school day crushes

>>34705825
Tell her that I'm gay even when I wasn't.

I'm getting real fucking sick of Johnny Neptune.