>Want companionship more than anything else >Years of social

>depending on someone else to fix you who doesn't exist
i thought like this for a long time...nearly a decade...a very lonely decade.
Fix yourself, you have more chance winning the lottery than finding an understanding, nurturing female who's willing to unfuck your brain, looks like you're beginning to realize this.
>early 30's and just now learning to love myself

>>34671528
>Fix yourself
>Love yourself
these empty platitudes are stupid
people are social animals and when your problems are trust and other social issues you can't fix them yourself

>>34671557
You're giving in to the hopelessness trap.
I had social anxiety to the point of being agoraphobic. I couldn't look people in the eye, especially not a female. If I was ever in the same room as a grill, i'd act like she wasn't there.
I wouldn't leave the house for months at a time. It felt like everyone was constantly judging me and ridiculing me.
The thing is it was all in my head, it was my own self loathing convincing myself that I wasn't worthy of being accepted by anyone for anything.
The only way I got over it was to be forced to get a job or become homeless.
I got a shitty job as a cook in a crappy restaurant, and through interacting with the waitresses slowly taught myself how to not be terrified of social interaction.
after a while I started not to obsess so much about what people thought of me.
I can't pretend to know exactly what afflicts you, but I'm just trying to relate my experience to you, it sounds similar.

>>34671463
Nice ravioli meme

>>34671463
You act as though I don't accept my reality and are in denial. I am not weak like you, I don't have to rub it in your face. You just wallow in your own pain. Kek'd