>Post-Interview regret/cringe

>>34604188
>one year ago
>at an interview for McDonalds
>they all me about why I wanted the job exactly
>say that I wanted to better the world out of nervous autism

>spend entire car drive home screaming
>throat hurts and can barely talk for the next week

>Interviewers say "No, not exactly"
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

told the interviewer about how i kicked in my brothers bedroom door (off the hinges)

didnt get the job

>Post-Masturbation regret/cringe

>two years ago
>mandatory practice job interviews for Neetbux
>'what are your hobbies anon?'
>I enjoy programming and video games.
>Playing a really interesting post apocalyptic survival game called DayZ.
>written report mentions I sounds passionate about playing daisies.

>>34604188
Going to an interview in 30 minutes. You guys got me all nervous. What should I say to not sound autistic.

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>Post-drink regret/cringe.

It lasts like 2 weeks. It's painful. Being drunk is the only way I can stand hanging out with friends.

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>>34604627
If they ask for you weak points. Answer with things that sound like strengths.

>Anon, what's your greatest weakness??
Well sir, honestly I feel like a can get too involved with my work to the point where I don't spend enough time on my hobbies (some shit like that).

Remember to lie to these motherfuckers...tell them whatever they wanna hear and make yourself out to be the bee's knees!

Interviewing people is hilarious, being on the other side showed me how little the interviewers actually care, it's legit 100% about just getting them to like you if you're qualified

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>the interviewers laugh at me and say "just tell the truth are you a recreational drug user"

>TFW never even made it to an interview to know this feel.
>TFW high achieving university graduate.

Just fuck my shit up please.

>>34604850
what kinds of jobs did you interview for?

>>34604842

>Well sir, honestly I feel like a can get too involved with my work to the point where I don't spend enough time on my hobbies (some shit like that).

any variation of "my weakness is that i work too much/hard!" can be spotted as a lie/cliche from a zillion miles away

your best bet is to be honest and not makeup some self-aggrandizing underhanded compliment for yourself

>>34604880
>tfw literally never even done drugs
>never been drunk
>never even smoked cigarettes

>get asked if I'm high all the time


WHY

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>>34605038
>done loads of drugs
>usually buzzing on something
>smoke weed every night
>never get asked if i'm high
you should sharpen up, you're probably just daydreaming too much and too hard, and you might just have a high looking face

>>34604627
Just got back. It was gruesome. She asked me to describe myself in three words.

>eeh......Im kinda interested in nature and like being outdoors so I guess Nature and eh..... computer, because I draw different kinds of art... eh stuff...

>>34604850
so you, as an interviewer, only hired people that you liked instead of the most qualified people?

youre part of the problem

>>34605080
>sharpen up!
>change your face!

>>34605080
>going to work interview for a job at a hotel.
>first question, while the lady gives me a skeptical smile.
>'are you on something right now?'

Laught it of but didn't get the job. Wasn't even on something

>Getting drunk after moving out from parents place
>Get a phone call from some supermarket for a phone interview
>I'm pretty smashed but whatever
>Ask why I want the job
>For some reason I decide to be 100% honest and say I want an easy job with minimal responsibility, something I don't need to think about as soon as I finish my shift
>"Um thankyou anon"
>Next they ask me to calculate how much change I'd need to give a customer if they bought however much and paid with $50
>Take way too long trying to figure it out and get it wrong anyway

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>Have internship at retail job for three weeks
>Get along well with co-workers
>Do everything that is asked
>Take upon tasks that others don't want to do
>Customers always leave with a smile
>Think that things went great
>Receive feedback
>"Would not recommend. There is no way he could ever work at a retail job"
What the actual fuck? No one expressed any sign of being dissatisfied, and shouldn't you be given something more specific?

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>walk into recruiting office
>so you're an 18 year old with a HS degree
>are you a felon?
>do you do drugs?
>do you have any obscene tattoos, or any on your hands or face?
>you've answered no
>welcome aboard!

>>34605591
thats harsh. its hard to use only 3 words. wjat was the job?

>Got fired from last three jobs in a row.
>Despair consumes me.
>Had to move back to mom and dad's house.
>Fill out applications.
>Nothing happening.
>Too ashamed of myself to even want an interview.
>Not like they call back anyways.

A year ago it was like...

>Fill application.
>Call back.
>Get interview
>Do my absolute best.
>Even have experience that actually fucking applies.
>Call back.
>"uhh sorry you got lol rejected."

It's like the world wants me to be NEET.

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>>34605947

>I keep trying and wanting to go back to college but, shit is always delaying me or fucking me up or something.
>Temp agency is pretty much underemployment.
>Feels like everyone fucking hates me.
>Feel worthless.
>Dad tells me he got hired in English speaking jobs when he no english good.
>Mom graduated and has been employed ever since back in 73.
>Brother applied to a job high on heroin and pills.
>Got the job.

>Lay awake at night wondering why I'm not good enough. Self loathing intensifies when I realize my best isn't even good enough for minimum wage type shit.

>decide to treat this interview as a practise round since i dont feel confident in my qualifications
>they ask if id be comfortable doing certain job related things and i say yes to all of them even though im not
>this includes telling me they all each lunch together every day, which is a definite no
>they ask me how id solve a couple of problems and i honestly dont know but they still smile afterward
>leave thinking i bombed it
>a few days later they call offering me the job
>i remember the lunch thing
>panic
>politely decline

Havent gotten an interview since. This was a year ago.

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>Apply for a backroom/stocking job at a grocery store
>Go to interview
>They call me back later and tell me I'm 'not a good fit' but they have a janitorial job if I'm interested
What a slap in the dick

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>>34606000
>Self loathing intensifies when I realize my best isn't even good enough for minimum wage type shit
I know that feel too well.

>>34605934
It was a company that other companies contact when they need short-time workforce. Don't know what its called in ebglish.

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>Applied for a marketing-like job even though I had no fucking idea what I was doing
>Somehow got by the first stage by bullshitting
>Have to go back next day, doing so by taking an hour bus ride
>Spend the day out with the interviewer, the plan was to watch how it's done while answering questions
>I suffer from extreme travel sickness and had just survived a flair up from the bus
>Have to get on another
Needless to say it didn't go well. I was in visible pain and they spent the whole bus ride trying to help. Got off and got dismissed. Total waste of my time and money. I don't know why I bothered.

>>34606113
yeah i know what you mean. Do you have to pay the company?

>>34604880
God iktf so well due to the fact I have dark circles under my eyes.

>go into interview feeling pretty confident but also nervous
>interviewer sits me down at a table with spinny chairs
>my weakness.jpg
>spin left and right during the entire interview
>remember things I read online like "make eye contact" and "ask questions"
>stare intensely into inteviewer's eyes for a while, but then break eye contact and look down at the table for a while
>repeat x20
>at the end she asks if I had any questions
>why yes I did! I was wondering.. Uh.....uhhhh.. What was that question again
>make noises for a minute before saying, oh well I guess I forgot it, hahaha
>she says ook, well we're going to hire you! and sticks out her hand for a handshake
>the moment I've trained for
>confidently reach out to shake her hand
>but when I grab her hand it feels like a floppy fish, she's putting no effort into it whatsoever
>start to feel confused, is this some kind of test?
>not sure whether to grip tighter or looser
I remember this interview fondly. There were also moments during the interview where I started cracking up because I was imagining different scenarios of weird things that could happen during the interview

>>34606479
did you get the job senpai

>>34606125
They take 35 percent of my salary.

>>34606511
jesus thats a lot. How long do they take it for?

>>34606479
Maybe she was an actual autist? For some reason they can't into handshakes.

>>34604188
>get an interview for a tutoring position for some minority group thing at my school
>during interview, he asks what experience i have tutoring minorities
>what kind of a fucking dumbass question is this
>tell him there was some indian kid who i'd help with some assignments and studying for exams (which is actually true)
>i laughed a little when i said "some indian kid," since it was a dumb answer to a dumb question
>he didn't laugh
never heard back

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>job interview in 9 minutes

>>34606036
tfw you realize you would have gotten accustomed to the lunch thing in less than a week

doin a grad school interview today. 12 hours of talking with 5 professors and then panel interview of admissions committee. probably gonna be a huge fail

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>>34604188
All the 3 interviews i've ever taken have been successful. I have some sort of high functioning autism and i seem to tell all the right lies in an interview. I'm also good at pretending to be a normal non virgin person, little do they know i have a doll collection and have been hopelessly alone my whole life.

>>34606116
wtf is travel disease

>tfw just got confirmed for 6 more months
One step at the time
Just one step

>>34606526
As long as I work for them :(
Getting a real employment is hard.

>So tell me about yourself
>I-I Really want a job I guess
Still got the job kek

>>34605653
it's not binary
just because people don't hire you doesn't mean you're secretly qualified

>>34606889
well anoon

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>"so when do I start?"
>"uh anon, we still need to review your resume"

Never got a call after that. Still pisses me off to this day. I was clearly over-qualified.

Oh well, I'm doing well in another job now. They missed out.

>>34605813
>Take upon tasks that others don't want to do

You were a pushover. People don't respect pushovers.

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>got a call from the place I applied
>I was on the toilet
>most awkward phone call ever
>ask me why I want this
>can't come up with a better excuse than money and having something to do
>they hang while I was mid-sentence
>they call me back an hour later
>"sorry, it's not a good fit"
>feel bad

The next day

>get called by the same place again
>"hey Anon, we would like to invite you for an interview"

I'm so confused.

>>34605038
because you look and act slow

>>34604235
Thanks anon, this actually made me laugh out loud

>>34604842
>>34605028
Pro tip: pick a weakness that isn't too bad but make sure to mention you are IMPROVING

My go to answer is this:
>Sometimes I have trouble seeing the bigger picture, and focus too much on the small stuff, but I've been trying to work on this and I think I'm making a lot of improvements.

Hasn't failed me yet.

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>>34604594
>Playing a really interesting post apocalyptic survival game called DayZ.
>written report mentions I sounds passionate about playing daisies.

amazing

>>34606479
>but when I grab her hand it feels like a floppy fish, she's putting no effort into it whatsoever

crush her fucking hand with a firm grip, she's doing it wrong.

>>34608506
They are retarded normies. They don't give a shit if you're feeling awkward. The reason they hung up is nothing more than "Well, I heard all the words I needed in this conversation. Now I will press the designated button on my phone to cease communication with this person." Normies don't have emotions.

>>34605653
For smaller companies, someone that fits in well with the rest of the team is usually a better pick than some over-qualified autist.

Becomes less true for bigger companies though.