There's an elf in my house?

>>34531961
Just grab the little fucker and show us his boi pussy

>>34531961
Post that book Cham.

Any other encounters with the elf?

>>34531961
Fuckin elves. They all deserve to burn

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is it a gnome or an elf?

>>34532012
It keeps saying the image is too large. I think the elf is fucking with me again. Hold on

Damn elves. GO BACK TO MORROWIND WHERE YOU BELONG!

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You can't tell me an elf didn't do this. No one was Home all day.

>>34531961
A tiny elf lol that's funny as hell

>>34531961
How long has it been there

>>34531961
Offer him sex and then shove him headfirst up your bumhole.

>>34532185
The elf or the book?

>>34532194
Elves don't want sex they only want to cause mischief

>>34532213
The elf and the book

>>34532315
>>34532177
Here it is
>original elf

OP doesn't have any pictures of the elf sadly. He's too quick and I don't think my camera could pick up an elf without self destructing

>>34531961
Why has no one helped me with this problem yet? ! None of you know anything about elves?

>>34532243
Then cause some mishief back and shove his face up your rectum.

>>34531961
Just pretend to be asleep and then tackle him when gets close.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZvYkZfAtq0

>>34531961
>>>/x/

originally, though, you elf fucking homo

>>34533055
What type of food does it like get that type of food or sugar or whatever and put it under a box and then put a stick that holds the box up the a string to it and stay there waiting for it and when it's under there pull the stick and that would trap it check and mayte

>>34533126
If you could read properly you would have seen I said that I posted this on a different board. You Fucking moron. I would say I wished an elf would come and haunt you too but I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

>>34533165
You really think that would work? Do you think they like those Keebler cookies or do they find those elves to be offensive? I'm so distraught.

>>34533191
'A different board' could mean /ck/ for all we know, crybaby faggot.

Thanks for not wishing elf evil on me though, dudeman.

Elves can't miss an episode of myth busters

put it on your phone and then he'll be forced to play games afterwards

>>34533272
Where else would I have posted it? It's only logical it would be on /x/ ! That should go without saying.
You're lucky this time. but I can't promise you that you won't find an elf in your home one day...

>>34532177
>Happiness is a Serious Problem
Why do you want to get rid of him?? He has such a great sense of humor!

Do you have a better idea?

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Don't know much about elves but a silver bullet is pretty much a universal paranormal problem solver

>>34533415
I'll admit that was pretty funny but it just feel like he (tiny tot) is mocking me

>>34533423
this isn't my first rodeo with the paranormal but I'm very inexperienced with elves. I don't know what powers they posses so I don't know which tricks work and which ones don't.

i think i've heard that if you put salt in a place of your house, the elves gets distracted by counting the grains, or that you could scare them if you put two knives making a cross.

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Well in mexico they are called duendes there little assholes and someone probably gave it to you like herpes cus they stick to people like that .only way to get rid of em is to throw holy water around your room or if you leave a thimble of booze they'll stop fucking with you or work for you I forget which one usually they only fuck with little kids tell me anon are you baptized??

>>34533441
Aren't elves invisible or something? I just need a ritual to cleanse my house or something to scare him away, i don't wanna hurt the little guy. I've tried googling it but the results are just shit about elf on the shelf.

Eventually, you'll find that some of your stuff is missing randomnly. If that happens, just give him a candy or something to exchange. Also works if you lost something while ago. They help others finding things over your place.

Not so sure if that's an elf or a gnome thing. Not an /x fag.

>>34533527
*invincible

>>34533498
Where can I get holy water? And yes I am baptized.

>>34533527
I think they can teleport. But they can't escape a bullet.

>i don't wanna hurt the little guy
You're being a bitch. He's a pest. elves are shit tier magical creatures. Nobody likes them

>>34533560
They most certainly are not. Nothing is invincible

>>34533555
I will try that. Thank you!

>>34533423
It's a elf I mean come on just look it up boi record it sometime desu

>>34533595
I don't own a gun :/ also I don't think I could just pull it out and shoot him even if I wanted to. The little fucker is a speed demon and just disappears before I can even get a good look at him.
Please don't disrespect Tiny Tot, I don't want to make him angry.

>>34533660
well get a gun then

>I don't want to make him angry
then befriend him and then politely tell him to leave

or give him a sock

>>34533722
The last thing he needs is socks. Lemme tell you, that fucker loves socks. I'm missing a match to every pair I own

>>34533601
Make it work for you

Is this the Schizophrenia thread?

I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I'm fucking terrified of this elf.

>>34533817
What makes you think that?
>scibababdina

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This is the first thread in a long while that made me genuinely laugh. Good luck with your elf problem anon.

anyone else find this fucking creepy? that OP pic is disturbing

>>34533970
I literally can't help it

>>34533817
ive never heard of a schizo that sees elves
maybe i havent searched enough

>>34533935
Thank you.
>elfprobsareoriginal

>>34534133
Ok, I'm not a schizophrenic because I saw an elf. There's literally proof right there that an elf hung a book above my bed, I'm not making this up.

Anyone remember that story about the ghost puncher? Just threaten the fuck out of the elf, scream constantly, kick where he might be hiding, piss at him if he runs past

>>34534199
look, you either hung it up yourself or the people that live with you played a prank on you. it's that simple

Set up a few cameras OP. and make sure that every camera is within view of at least one other camera, so you can get proof if the elf tries fucking with it. Better yet, set the camera up from a high vantage point, somewhere where that short little fucker can't reach it.

Not an elf but I lived in a place once which was inhabited by a house spirit apparently. Some weird shit would happen. I found out from a neighbor that giving an offering every once in awhile would appease it. I'm not into ghosts and the paranormal, but I'll say I did experience weird stuff, and when I started putting offerings the weird stuff stopped.

I'm not sure if this would work with an elf though.

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>>34534269
No one was Home all day and i don't know how to tie up a book like that
>elves are not just for shelves

>>34534398
That's why I'm not too sure about offering him something. I'm afraid he'll take it as a house warming gift or something and I'll be stuck with him.

>>34534398
Tell us about the weird stuff anon.

>>34534608
Mostly the sort of stuff you probably hear in poltergeist stories I imagine. Stuff being moved around, strange noises or feelings, doors opening, electrical weirdness. It was creepy but I started to get worried when I noticed things which couldn't be explained by me mistaking things, like nails coming out of things, finding stuff in my shoes, and markings on my clothes and even body. That was when I started actually started getting scared, and asked and talked about it to people I knew. The worst thing of all that happened was this weird discoloring that started appearing next to me in bed. It would wash out but return, and only stopped when I started doing the offerings.

Very weird overall because as I said I'm not a paranormal believer, and have never experienced anything like it in my life. But living in that place for that time, it was like a truckload of weird stuff all at once, that suddenly stopped when I did as was told.

>>34534871
>The worst thing of all that happened was this weird discoloring that started appearing next to me in bed. It would wash out but return, and only stopped when I started doing the offerings.
Kek the little fucker was pissing on your bed

>>34535053
Well it was roughly the size of a person so I don't know. Maybe a lot of piss.

OP you should make friends with the elf. Imagine the shit you can get up to.

Leave it a plate of sweet food (chocolate, cookies etc) every night until it becomes comfortable showing itself to you.

>>>/x/ is that way senpai

>>34535176
Spike the cookies with some horse tranquilizer. Cage the little thing up and present it to the world for a nobel prize or something.

mata al hijo de su puta madre con agua bendita y un perro muy cabron

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Now I can't sleep because I keep thinking of Elves.

Fuck you OP

>>34531961
You posted on /b/ yet? I'm sure those guys know lots of ways to deal with elves.

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douse your finger in kerosene then place it directly in the elfs bumbum hole, it's an old magic trick we used back in england

What's with all the elf hate in this thread? They're mostly harmless creatures and any sort of gags they pull are usually done with innocent intent. Why are humans so quick to judge what they don't understand?

>>34536243
Fuck of you elf you aren't fooling anybody

The most important thing is not get scared, they're not harmful, they just like to pull pranks. Google how to get rid of them it's generally something involving holy water or give them food and wine and ask them to stop. You may also notice some stuff start missing in your house so keep your eyes open. It's all pretty common knowledge in the country side in countries of South America

Side story: my great grandfather lived in the country and he said that elves helped him in work and in exchange he gave them food
>>34533498 this pretty much

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsSHVVlpzLk

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>>34531961
One word.
Delirium

Start wearing elf ears and call yourself legolas. Put posters of elves on your walls and buy a bunch of elf shit. Gentrify his culture. Soon he'll move out.

>>34536243

I know your tricks elf

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>>34536243

EIDF needs to leave

>>34534871
How and what kind of offerings did you make to appease it?

>>34531961
Fuck, Anon. I don't think that's an elf. I think that's a dwarf. Elves don't fucking dress like that. Also, they're smaller than elves. Elves are taller than humans. Dwarves are also the type to leave machinations, such as your book string lying around. Although they're usually more complex. Anon. I think that dwarf is retarded. That means the motherfucker has retard strength on top of his dwarf strength. Alright. Tonight, leave a clove of garlic somewhere you think the asshole would be. I think it either repels them or attracts them. If there are tiny bite marks in the garlic, then put a clove or two outside and close the door when he leaves. If there are no bite marks, then put a fuckload of garlic around your house. Start eating garlic, too. That'll keep the fucker from trying to fight you.

>>34536619
Each month I left out a saucer of milk and honey. For as long as I did that, the strangeness didn't happen.