>"so anon, why dont you say a few things about yourself?"

>>34519718
>sit in silence for 30 seconds before sprinting out of the interview

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>>34519718
>"uhm...yeah okay, lets do this...hahah... well what can i uh say *farts* i-it was the chair i s-swear haha"

>>34519718
>I masturbate with this hand
>*shakes hand*
>I also wash my hands and do my best to have proper hygiene

>>34519718
>"well i sit in my underwear and shitpost on a frogboard all day. youre the first human interaction ive had in months"

I have a crippling procrastination problem and can't see myself in any kind of meaningful relationship, which leads to significant self-hatred and depression to the point of contemplating suicide.

>>34519718
>"N-no i have cartoon frogs to post. please excuse me"

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>>34519718
>"do you know where my oats can be found"

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>>34519718
>"i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i...."

*runs out of interview*

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>interviewer sticks out hand
>daintly grab her fingers and kiss the top of her hand
>she blushes, impressed by my old-fashioned chivalry
>pull out vaporizer
>"um, there's no smoking allowed here"
>"heh, this is a vaporizer. No smoke whatsoever"
>"oh...well, there's no vaporizing allowed here"
>plebeiantaste.jpeg
>"I'd like to negotiate my salary"
>"t-this is a minimum wage hourly position"
>"Deal! Can't wait to start"
>tip my fedora to indicate my exit
>puff on vaporizer as I leave

Obviously my nihilism and wicked sense of humor got me the position :-)

>I live an inceadibly sheltered life, I jack off to 2D and contemplate my existence while smoking like a middle-aged Russian. Furthermore I spend my times cuddling with my plushie, or browsing the internet, which has lost it's luster a long time ago. My existence is empty and it feels like earth might as well collapse for my sakes.

>>34519718
fuck, I have an interview for an office job tomorrow, haven't left the house in months.
Any recommendations for what to say when they ask me what I do in my free time?
I don't have any normie compatible hobbies (I basically have no hobbies or interests)

>>34519718
>"soo.. you didn't write down any hobbies in your resume..."
>expecting me to answer that
>give him some bullshit, generic hobby
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT IT'S NOT LIKE THAT WOULD BE UNPROFESSIONAL WOULD IT BE
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PRIVATE LIFE, WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT MINE?

>>34519718
>"Excuse me, but I don't recognize the authority of muds or women, is there a real manager I could speak to?"

>>34521041
>Interviewer asks hobbies
>Explain hobbies
>They laugh
>They probably have the same hobbies

>>34521050
Correct answer

whatever i have to say to get you to accept my fucking comment

>>34521041
>>34521099
what hobbies should I tell them, I have no idea what some normie-approved hobbies would be

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i....uh....
*sweats profusely*
*mini anxiety attack triggered*
*vomits on normie*
*runs until I arrive home*
I have arrived in my safe haven.I am saved from human interaction once more.
*posts memes till dawn to express my endless suffering*

>>34519718
>DIVERSITY IS STRENGTH! SMASH THE PATRIARCHY! TUMP DRUMP!

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>>34519743
>>34519798
>>34519882
>>34520047
>>34520352
>>34521050
>>34521116
laughing irl right now rn 2bh

>>34521115
Dude, you want a good one? Fishing. It shows you can do a menial task for hours on end without complaining, just like the job you're signing up for

>>34519718
>Well i am 6'2 single good looking and smart. I would also love to get to known the cutie on your right ma'am.

>>34521144
This may very well actually get you a job. Will never get you laid though

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>"I ONLY ANSWER TO THE MUA'DIB FILTHY WATERSKIN!"

>>34521187
You dont want to get laid with subhumans but to get the job.

>>34521115
I'm a major normie. I fish, I camp, I'm into carpentry, metal working, I'm obsessed with car and bike modding and restoration, I love movies but I've never done anything with them, I snowboard, I play a little guitar and I'm a damn good dice player. Use some of mine

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>>34521186
>mfw they think you're talking about habib instead of the grill

>>34519718
Well. Glad you ask *shakes hand firm grip*
I graduated high school, a year earlier, with honors. Then proceed to work multiple jobs at once while going to queens. I gradated queens also with honors. I am physical fit and have been know as the goody to-shoes, I have been told I am trust-able, and reliable *cue friendly fake laugh* *ask why i would work here and not the other jobs* Well you see, those other jobs were to restricting with how long I would like to work. If I could I would do a 12 hour shift i would, but those other jobs would not let me do that. As i hope i can do here *ask about my weaknesses* *Cue friendly laugh* I already told you, in a sense that I work until I get things done, the concept of breaks are foreign to me. *Says good day* *Shake hand* *leave*

And that my friends, is how you get a job. The part about multiply jobs just means 2/3 at the same time, which is easy to do if it is in retail.

>"first let this man get out of the room, he finger wagged me at the stop earlier on the road"
>"kajeet, please leave, thanks"
>kajeet leaves the room
>"ok Anon, we can start"
>* proceed to unzip dick and start jerking off*
>two women get noticeably red in the face
>"so? *keep jerking it off*"
>"A-anon, wh-...what kind of job have you d-done...in your...l-life?"
>"I dubbed the powerpuff girls *jerking speed increases a lot*"

>>34519718
>"haha well, I really enjoy the thought of no longer existing, but considering I'm too much of a pussy to do it I need this job to sustain myself"