Broken Thread

>>34488043
>Socially awkward as hell so even if I manage to talk to someone they think I'm fucked in the head (not wrong).

This is me

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>>34488043
Edgy teenager who enjoys the fantasy of being different and strange. Leave

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I make threads on 4chan

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>>34488043
My mother insisted on using nail clippers to remove bug bites as a way to force scabbing by turning a little ant bite into an open wound and accelerate the healing

I have an extremely odd aversion to nail clippers because of this and am always afraid of hurting myself with them, which is why I bite my nails, fingers and toes.

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>Be NEET for the past 5 years
>KHV
>Tried and failed at numerous things (Math, art, music)
>Feel tired 90% of the time
>parents might boot me out the door soon
>Seriously, unironically, reading about homeless living so I can prepare myself

Living is such a hassle, isn't it? I just want to stay locked up in my room until the world ends.

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>>34488241
Right there with you anon. I have zero motivation, except for the threat of being kicked to the curb. I also feel lonely when im by myself, and anxious when im around others. No winning senpai.

>>34488043
Is that Naruto

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>>34488347

The funny thing is, I'm just preparing myself with some resignation. Homelessness sucks, but I have a hard time caring about anything, including myself.

Fuck brah, it's like we've been broken and now life is just holding the pieces together.

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>>34488482
I've been thinking lately about how I ended up with this outlook on things. Certainly I had aspirations and meaning in life at some point... I just can't remember when or how. Here is to hoping time heals all wounds

>>34488347
Well life is a everlasting struggle between loneliness, that is tremendously sad, but theres comfort in it for the fact that nobody can hurt you or you them (which is worse) and the warmth of community.

>neet for 4 years
>accidentally killed a person
>don't feel any sort of connection to others
>always detached

>>34488211
The fuck?
Why did she think that was a good thing?
Did she just want to hurt you?
Were you always covered in cuts and scabs?

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>Anxiety
>Panic attacks
>Never built a personality during youth
>Depressed
>Possibly AvPD
>Parents argued 24/7 during my ages of 5-14 which means I hate hearing people yell and just sudden loud noises in general, it'll put me on the verge of having a panic attack

If anyone just wants to talk about anything my kik is danabels1. Just putting that out there.

>>34488879
Damn you sound like me.

>>34488043
I'm not broke, actually happier then ever.
Decided to become a farmer/hunter.
I give up everything and everyone else.

>>34488241
MCDONOLDS AND DUNKING DONUTS OPEN 24/7 to get off the street
Also get a job you fat fagot.

>>34488895
Shut up you fucking fuck i bet you kiss girls on the mouth

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>bpd
>serious anxiety
>depression is result of caused by ^^
>drug abuse is caused by ^^

Fell in love with a girl that honestly had very similar problems, we ruined each other, but still love each other. I eventually cheated on her further ruining both our minds and trust even though she cheated on me before it felt worse when I did it. We still love each other but I don't trust her anymore no matter what she says. I don't trust any girl anymore. I don't trust my friends anymore. I have isolated myself. I go to the bar and get wasted on pills and molly with my one close friend and he is always with his gf so I kinda just fuck around talking to random people or chugging beer chainsmoking.

Working, about to finish school, and look for a job related to my major: cs. Very nervous about finding a job. if I am not where I want to be by 30 I will kill myself.

>>34489114
Might as well ki you self now.
Opens up jobs for other people.
Less resource your consuming.
And you friends (haha) get a good joke outta it.

>>34489168
0/10

there are more cs jobs in my area than people that are competent to fill them. And although nervous about finding one, I am good at cs, suitable for any entry cs job.

>>34489168
youre just mad I'm a "normie" lmao

>>34489243
No I'm mad I'm not high shooting guns
Former normie
Lost my v card at 14 pretty fun since then

>coworker I've worked closely with for 2 years now opened up to me about being sexually harassed in her past
>only talked about it once
>she gets "friendly-touchy" with me when we're in a room alone
>she tells me her actual opinions, ideas, and things about her she doesn't tell other coworkers about.

She's like an older sister to me. There's another guy at work who is bigger and older than both of us who I can tell makes her feel uncomfortable. He's even grabbed her at least once.

What she doesn't know is that I had actually done some of the (milder) things her harasser did long, long ago to a high school crush which made the crush feel uncomfortable. Obviously I didn't tell my coworker. I also don't want to make a big show of protecting her and make it weird in the office.

I just want to protect my "sister" and not feel bad. Is this how I'm going to be redeemed?

>>34488043
Life is a beautiful mystery.
Enjoy.

>>34489262
Holy shit that fucking creepy you fucking skinner leave her alone shes not your "sister"

>>34489262

If you do she'll probably hate you for destroying what little independace she's gained. She sees you as a valuable friend, like a close girlfriend or as you put it, 'sister'. If you do nothing you will be met with scorn. Either way you lose, robot.

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>PTSD
>with that comes anger issues


Every single fucker likes to pretend like having PTSD must be sooo great because the girls must absolutely SWOON for some broken soldier boy who served his country and has to reconcile with his past


So many girls have broken up with me or cut contact with me after I wake up in their bed at 3am screaming, or got super tense and angry and panicky at a crowded bar or a party, or when I snap at people for not doing stuff correctly the first time

Shit fucking sucks. I've been going to therapy for it but it's hard to turn it all off. It's basically maximum strength relationship repellent

I used to be a kind person who even if he was something of a nu male was someone who was passionate about things, who loved others, and who wanted people to be happier. Now I'm just an asshole. A total asshole. I take hours to get up in the morning because I have no reason to get out of bed. I'm sure there used to be a reason but I can't remember. I'm filled with hate. I hate everyone around me for no reason and for every reason. I hate the world. I hate the idea that people are born poor and fucked by the system into staying poor. But most of all I hate myself. My stomach hurts all the time because it's filled with disgust for myself. I fucked up every possible way in the past and there's no way to do it over. I'm sickening. I'm a stinking corpse. Emotions like love, desire, gratitude, and peace are just words now- all I feel is vague disgust towards myself and a feeling of trapped desperation like a glacier covering me. Sometimes I punch the wall in the shower because I can't release any of my stress otherwise. I'm a machine, made only to eat, sleep, work, and fuck up. Some time ago I drove away all my friends. I have not made any since. I'm just waiting for my parents to die or stop caring so that I can kill myself and rest. That's all I want. A nice, quiet room, somewhere sunny and sometimes rainy and always peaceful. I used to want someone to sleep next to but as I got older I realized nobody like I want exists. I'm so tired.

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>>34488976

But why?

Why get a job? What's the point? I'm just going to be a miserable wagecuck. There's no point. I don't want money, nor do I want to slave away. Personally, the motivation to do anything productive is not with me.

>>34488043
>born a bastard
>stepdad didnt act like a dad to me until I was 18
>he would constantly be on my back about everything and treat me like a failure
>when I would ask for help or advice he would get mad and say he was too tired to help me with anything
>every friend ive had in my life except for 2 of them have screwed me over
>I hear voices and have lapses where I dont believe my reality is real
>Have terrible problems with intimacy

>>34489339
>If you do nothing you will be met with scorn

The only thing I've done so far is to hear her out when she complains. It's not like I'm going out of my way to fight on her behalf every time I see that guy or anyone else.

>>34489114
well of course borderlines will cheat on each other lol, sounds like you should both learn to deal with your inevitable shittiness cuz you both literally can't stop yourself from cheating on anyone you have a relationship with, that's what borderline love is like

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>>34489359
Those bitches dont understand, prim and prober and the like.
You did good man.
But it's over now an you need to realize you are home and home is safe.
Try breathin and yoga its help me a lot.
Maybe try weed if you into that?
Honestly man feel good that you served, not to many people take that with stride.
Dont blow your brains out either asshole.
Clear sky's...

I'm ugly, anti social, and have no experience in social situations.
All i do every day is sit at home and play games, because thats all I find fun. I'm horribly uninteresting, because my it's my only hobby.
Despite being completely useless and of no value, I still want a relationship.
I'm not broken. Just uninterested in being useful.

>>34489359

>tfw you wake up and there are new holes in the wall you don't remember making in the night even though your parents came to your room and you were wide awake flipping your shit for some reason and suspect they're making shit up to keep you further isolated from everyone because you are apparently dangerous or something

Moved down to the basement because I can't punch through concrete yet. I don't know anymore man. C'mon soldier, serve your country one last time and execute me please. A failure is just treason waiting to manifest.

>>34489443
So kill your self
Like how
>>34489408
Should kill him self for being a faggot.

>>34489592
I'm not gonna kill myself or anything nutty like that, I just wish I'd be able to stop being so fucking autistic. I can't even sit in a public place without my back to the wall or I'll start to tense up and get super freaked out.

All I want is for some lady to understand my brain problems but it's obviously (and understandably) hard to find someone who isn't gonna have a difficult time with accepting it

I'll try yoga though. I've been going to boxing as well and that helps

>>34489686

I'll kill myself when I feel like it, faggot.

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>>34489656
Again get help and get to realize you are home.
Yoga and drugs.
It's been helping me.
Never served but will say that stress is like a soda/pop can shaking it up and openin leaves a less let it out slowly and talk.
Dont blow your head off jackass.

>>34489756
Well fuck you send me money first.
If you do used shotgun.
Or you know heroin, hank Williams did that.
>>34489696
Find a women who served (oh wow) or better yet get a dog and make friends with former military/current military.
They are your family and comrades in arms.
You dont have to dump your purse, just talking a bit is good enough to bring you home.
My opinion you on war mode i was and still am the same way after jail.
Find something healthy and talk about anything or everything.
A girls just going to make you shoot your self....they dont care at all.
You're home now, get out of war mode.

>Schizophrenia
>Autism
>Obsessive Compulsive
>General Anxiety
>Depression
>Diagonoses on all of these
>maybe bipolar
>Brain is generally just fucked
>Constant, barely controllable breakouts on my face
>Facial hair grows so fast it's difficult to maintain
>23
>Never had a real relationship
>So rooted in being alone that I don't think I can at this point
>Browsed this shithole for years now
>MMO addiction
>Done every cringeworthy thing imaginable, and still never seem to learn.

I have a few friends but none of them know just how fucked I am.
I date girls but these interactions typically end in either ghosting or "what is wrong with you?"

>>34489408
She wasn't worth it, man

>>34489408
>nobody like I want exists

What is the person you want like?

>>34488043
I spent my childhood trying to beat a stutter, and because of it I become extremely embarrassed and socially awkward.

Work on myself mentally and physically, get through it, make some friends. But now, whenever I talk to someone I'm interested in (friend/romantic), I begin to stutter. Fuck everything. I thought I beat it, and now I'm in Uni just trying to avoid meeting new people. Lest my autistic stuttering reemerges.

>>34488619
>accidentally killed a person
Alright, you can't say that without giving us a greentext story. What happened?

>diagnosed with depression
>Diagnosed with anxiety
>Not diagnosed but extreme suspission of shizo
>Never succeeded at anything but everyone still expects me to
>Told a guy I knew that if he got me a gun I would execute myself publicly
>He thinks I'm joking
>Not joking

>>34488043

anxiety
HUGE trust issues
paranoid
schizoid
borderline
avoidant
severe depression
shut in
rarely talk
don't open up to anyone even family
feel alienated
feel like worthless trash
its a miracle every day that passes that I don't hang myself
rarely show emotion when I do its acting to not stick out.
HATE having any form of attention
constantly ruin any relationship I have with people
full of hatred and bitterness
constantly thinking about bad things that could happen to me
can't connect with anyone
feel like i don't belong here


I would never say any of this without some form of anonymity.

My mother and father were alcoholics growing up always surrounded by strangers and my eyes were burning from cigarette smoke. My father was also going to school and never really bothered with me. Mother was always drunk. Parents always argued and screamed about money. I constantly got sick and painful ear infections. Was hit any time I did something they didn't like. IF i said something they didn't like I was force fed soap. I don't remember much of my childhood beside that thankfully but I remember being locked in my room without being fed at least once. I was yelled and screamed at or made fun of any time i did anything they didn't like. (running around, singing or dancing or making any sort of noise). Constantly criticized me when i did anything wrong. My mother is a narcisist and doesn't care about me she only cares about her own image. When I started having trouble going to school (I had no friends and was bullied by students including teachers and TAs) I was basically completely socially alienated when I went to jr high 10 friends turned into 3 and 3 turned into 0.

My only two relationships were met through my mother and they were both extremely shitty both women were abusive. First one constantly makes up false accusations to police. Second one cheated on me and a lot of other dirty stuff like say I impregnated her. I really don't want any sort of relationship

>>34488043
>>34488128

>muh social anxiety
>so crippled am I rite guys!!!

Kill yourselves

>>34491918
cont.
somehow manage to make everyone I interact with eventually hate me. I dunno if its subconscious or what. I wouldn't be surprised if someone recognizes this post and calls me a faggot. I've always been bullied and treated like trash. Everyone I come in contact with usually dumps me after they get to know me.

>>34488043
Due to a genetic disease, my belly is always bloated and aches really bad. If it wasn't by that and some fucked up life experiences, I could have been Chad.

>>34491952
>>physical disease
>>suicidal thoughts every day
>>cant drive
>>no job
>>no money
>>VERY addicted behavior - MMO, drugs, porn
>>will get kicked out soon
>>total shut in
>>boring af because not hope in life or fun
>>can barely hold conversation because its been so long
>>very little education so I feel stupid af
>>think I would probably have a seizure if a girl ever actually got sexual with me


theres more but i cant remember. peaked at 12 and all downhill from there

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>almost 20
>living in sister's garage
>deep-rooted inferiority complex
>depressed for around 5 years
>finally decide I've had enough
>force myself to talk to people at work and school
>go to the gym 5 days/week
>cook for myself
>take 5000iu vitamin D every morning
>stop playing video games
>go to the library after class every day to force myself to study
>focus on my hygiene
>walk with my head up and smile more

Nothing has changed. It's been 3 months. Bad thoughts come back every night and I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. I can't shake this feeling of inferiority and I've started berating myself out loud without even realizing it. I walk away from nearly every social interaction sweating.

I just want to be happy. Why am I still like this? I'm putting everything I have into trying to be happy but all I've managed to do it change myself on the outside.