If i told you, that anxiety is eating me up, would there be a

>>34451033
Stop jacking off and stop playing any form of video games for a month, then come back.

Provided you aren't taking drugs, I guarantee your anxiety will be gone.

yes, let's talk about your anxiety

>>34451061
That's very interesting, how do you know that works? I only jack off once a day, and i like playing for 2-3 hours a day, but yes, i feel influenced by that.

>>34451089
if jacking off and playing video games for two hours a day caused intense anxiety, everyone would be eaten up by it.

no one here fucking cares. kys

>>34451166

rude

i honestly care, why instead don't you kys, dumb anon

File: pies obarczony brzemieniem.jpg (308KB, 1300x835px)

308KB, 1300x835px

>>34451080
I'm glad you want me to talk myself out.

Let's begin.
My anxiety feels like a constant rush. I feel like I'm in a great haste at all times, yet i'm unable to fulfill my task. Imagine that you are running late for your final exam - this feeling has one good side to it - no matter what's the outcome, it passes. You either make it there on time, or not. Anyway, that will be over in several minutes. What I feel is exactly like that, except there is no end in sight - I feel like I'm constantly rushing in my life, even though I am neither supposed to do, or doing anything.

This whole thing feels like an extremely unrewarding journey towards future, all the accomplishments feel shallow and artificial, like there's nothing behind them. I am afraid that no matter what I do, no matter how I improve, I am doomed to be myself - that one guy who doesn't enjoy. I've spent several years chasing my passions, improving myself and battling obstacles, which were - honestly said - pretty easy to overcome, yet still present and actually endangering what i pursued. I got buffed, I learned to fight, I own a motorbike, I don't look bad, I even get short stares from girls. Moreover, I am absolutely certain, that I can beat anything on my way.
What's there to fear then? Am I not doomed to succeed, or at least, doomed to perceive myself as full personal success at this point, where I'm sitting all shaking instead?

I will tell you what's there to fear. Do you know that feeling, when you climb a mountain only to understand that there's nothing there? Neither do I, but i think you get the point. No matter if you are going to a shop to grab your favourite drink, or beating your live's high score at what you love, you may come to a conclusion, that it does not change anything. You are stuck there with your achievement noone cares about, with no promise of brighter future.

I will continue shortly.

>>34451293

I always perceived comfort and happiness as not being able to be paid for. These are the things you have to fight for constantly, of course, happiness is more of a process, than a state. Noone has a problem admitting it - no matter how hard you try to deny it, personal fulfillment is a thing to be constantly sought after. Even though I am okay with that, there's one more grim premise.

There is no promise. There is no promise about everything staying good. There is no guarantee things will stay the same. No matter how many people smile at you, no matter who you matter to, this may and will change. It may be abstract to explain, let's proceed with an example.

Imagine yourself having a great day with your friends. You meet them and do what you find interesting and important - be it gaming, archery, shitposting for trump - you belong to a group in which you have finally found yourself. Do you know what great feeling that is? Finding yourself? It's like coming home from a long journey to a cold place. You feel at home there. But you may only be certain of your own honesty. No matter how much you value that one thing you always wished you had, it will unevitably fall apart, people will be pulled away from what was once important for you by strings of their own interests.

Take this example, i know you'll hate it. But why do you think people tell their loves that they will stay together forever? Because they believe it. They believe they will. And then they cheat, hurt eachother, and rip eachother hearts apart. And that's not the saddest thing. The saddest thing they both believed what they said. They were absolutely certain of their dedication.

I will continue shortly.

>>34451486

Where am i getting with all this? You'll be shocked about how much sense all of it makes.
I will also mention that I'm not heartbroken or hurt in any way.


What value is free will, if it's free? What value does "Forever" have, if you can change your mind? What sane being would actually believe anything is actually any important, if they changed their opinion in the past?
I am scared that none of what I do will matter tommorow. I am scared that what i put my work into will turn into dead and silent corpse of it's former self, consumed by void of emptiness.
And even though I am doing fine in my life, I'm scared that it may not matter tommorow. I feel like i'm putting all effort i can into something, that will cease to exist once i turn my back on it for a second. Like nothing is certain anymore.
That's why i developed this idiotic mechanism: I don't care for things. I find things important.
Everything i do is done for some purpose i don't identify myself with. I feel like it's all for nothing, because no matter what i achieve, I WILL NOT CARE.
IT WILL NOT MAKE ME HAPPY.
"Forever" will always be just a word, not a promise.

No matter how well you do, when the lights go down, and they will go down, you will realize that you are walking alone in rain, and nothing really changed. It was all for nothing, because none of it really mattered in any sense deeper, than "because i think so".

Thank you for reading, or at least giving me a push to get it all out. It's messy and doesn't make sense, I am aware of that. It's hard to contain my thoughts when it comes to actually talking about it. Thanks again.