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Robots, I have to get something off my chest.
>THEME:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVhKShc-61c [Embed]
I feel like I am going to relapse to pornography/alcohol again and I don't want to. So I will vent here instead.
>I am 21 years old. Soon to be 22.
>Software Eng Student (TOP 20, USA)
>I have come to Religion as an Adult for many reasons.
>I am a porn addict.
>No struggle with alcohol, but I do drink out of sadness in tough times.
>I was bullied a lot through public school
>I am in a better place today, than I was in my middle school - high school years, I guess.
>I have come to make legitimate friends, as an adult.
>I had my first girlfriend last year.
>But the damage has been done...
>Robots... for 11 years of my life no girl liked me.
>Robots... for 11 years of my life many girls ridiculed me, tormented me.
>Robots... for 11 years of my life I only knew rejection from girls, and my peers.
>For 11 years, I didn't have any friends, of meaningful relationships with anyone.
>I became addicted to porn as a way of coping with the loneliness.
>Even as I fixed some of my damage by making friends, finding a girl that I loved (and loved me back), too much damage has been done.
>My life experiences have damaged me. I no longer have hate in my heart, but I still crave materialistic things, sex, validation, and "revenge" for what I feel has been done to me.
Ever since I became red pilled I realized, how these meaningless things only serve to drive our (((consumer))) culture. and so I have found a lot meaning in religion, in helping others, and making friends. Faith has been incredibly positive for me that's for sure.
But it has been 7 month since I broke up with my first girlfriend and slowly all of these negative emotions are bubbling up to the surface... They never went away, as I had only suppressed them.
I relapsed into pornography harder than ever when I broke up with my girlfriend. And for the last couple of months I have been watching porn nonstop.
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>>34448873
WILLPOWER!
I believe in you, big meme!
You have the power to stop. It is within you. Deep breaths. Find a hobby. Do it CONSTANTLY. Find more than one, maybe. Use any free time you may end up watching porn in to do something else. That's the secret.
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CUT MY LIFE INTO PIZZA
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>I feel disgusted with myself when I watch porn.
>I feel anger at the fact that, I cannot be good, wholesome. No matter how hard I try.
>I feel anger at the fact that this culture has damaged me beyond repair.
God tells me to let go of the anger, the lust, and the hatred at the rejection I have experienced during my former years. To give it all up for goodness and become a force for good in this world.
But I simply cannot do it, my fellow Robots.
I have been alone for a long time. How can I simply tell my heart to stop craving sex/lust/intimacy/porn, when I have only had the fortune to experience legitimate mutual affection once in my life?
I have cried myself to sleep in years past, from the loneliness. How can I simply forget all of these bad experiences and "forgive"?
I don't know the answer to these questions.
>Why not just approach women?
I don't want any more rejection, low-self-esteem, and emotional pain from the female sex. I only want the best they can offer me. That is healing for my heart, sexual release, and a sense of control over my self-esteem.
Yes, I have come to realize that I am broken, even if I can't accept it (yet). My thinking is pathological, but that is life.
There are only two roads I can take, fellow Robots.
I can suppress these feelings of bitterness. Seek help for my addiction to porn, and feelings of rejection. And perhaps discover a new found source of self-esteem, confidence, and healthy outlet to heal from my trauma.
Or
I can choose to accept that I am damaged and try to live my life as close to faith and goodness as possible. I would still quit porn, and instead would try to stay sane and work on my trauma, by making amateur porn, x-rated art, and other hobbies that would feed my damaged ego and sense of self.
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I know what I wrote sounds pretty degenerate. But I am too far gone to come up with any normal solutions.
Yes, it is deviant hobby and way of living. But how can I possibly cure this thirst for intimacy, sex, etc in a "normal" way? Extraordinary circumstances require extraordinary solutions.
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>>34448873
>I have come to Religion as an Adult for many reasons.
>I am a porn addict.
>Le Christian Degenerate cuck
You almost fulled me Meme man
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>>34449781
I have come to religion because I know my degenerate thinking is wrong (on some level). It makes sense if you think about it.
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>Software Eng Student (TOP 20, USA)
>I can choose to accept that I am damaged and try to live my life as close to faith and goodness as possible. I would still quit porn, and instead would try to stay sane and work on my trauma, by making amateur porn, x-rated art, and other hobbies that would feed my damaged ego and sense of self.
Unless you plan on living out of your "art" there is no way anyone will employ you having been in porn.
It is also worth mentioning that producing "porn" isn't cheap at all.
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>>34450738
I meant living "from" your art.
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>>34450738
I will likely never "publish" any of my work, and if I do, it would be "POV" work where my identity can remain hidden.
I don't even necessarily care about "making porn", as much as sleeping with beautiful women and giving this goal some sort of meaning.
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Go out and take a chance.... Will any of the people in your life be there in a year? What about next year or the year after that?
Go take a chance before life fucks you over and you arent able bodied any more to do it?
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>>34451198
>I will likely never "publish" any of my work
I don't really understand this thinking and your post. You will "produce" porn but not publish it? So you will be making porn as "therapy"?
The only problem with this life style is that it is so bleak in outlook.
>Be a degenerate.
>Have nothing on your mind but being a degenerate.
>Probably poor since you would be spending your money on hookers/making porn.
If your addiction is as severe as it seems. How can you possibly have a normal life spending so much of your time pursuing hookers/making porn?
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>>34448873
I admire your vent, better than most threads which keep it vague. I bump for more to take example
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>>34451724
Thank you.
>>34451721
I don't think it is as bleak as it seems (although you raise a valid point).
The most degenerative thing about my life is my porn addiction. If I abstain from porn (and I abstained from porn for nearly 6 months last year) my life is pretty normal, and I am actually focused and career/money oriented. All of my degeneration comes from the shame of being addicted to porn and my intimacy/sexual frustration issues.
The way I would stop myself from degenerating would be by giving what I do some meaning. Artistic meaning to be precise.
I would probably try to make artistic "exotic art", from my encounters, and probably limit myself to do it on a semi yearly basis. (Say I take 6 months to plan everything, find the actress, write the script, edit, take artistic pics, and so on. Heck, I might even make a blog out of it in order to have some historical record of these encounters and what they made me feel.
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Serious question. Is there an audience out there for a pervy blog about an average guy banging really hot women?
Would anyone read/watch such a blog or would it be too lame? I wonder.
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>>34448873
>>34451721
>28
>perma virgin
> tfw I wagecuck for a living.
>tfw no ultra qt will ever passionately suck me off at 3:05 pm on a Monday.
What do I have to look forward to in this life?
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>>34453180
In nearly half a year of abstinence I realized that there are other things that bring happiness, yet without sex a lot of strange psychological issues start occurring.
>Cronic 4chan use
>Porn, a lot of it.
> Lack of focus on school.
I just want the frustration to stop tbqhwuf
Thread posts: 17
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Thread images: 10