BREAK DOWN YOUR LIFE

>>34435965
Did you ever end up having sex with your sister? If not, why?

>father left
>raised by single mom and sister
>too autistic to make friends so spend everyday of school reading alone
>graduate high school
>currently barely passing college
>still completely alone

that sums it up pretty well

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>1993
>high school
>gtfo
>brain damage car crash from a grill
>graduate
>community college 2011 (2 year degree)
>2017 last class at the college
>0 friends and don't even try
>have mua hobby and my cat

>>34436009
No, I did jerk off to her everyday for a long stint of my life.

>>34436084
That's a fine kitty

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>>34435965
>parents marry way too early
>have me accidentally a year later
>parents fight constantly growing up but stay together because muh morality
>do alright friend wise at school
>eventually best friend starts hanging out with some assholes
>best friend and assholes start bullying me
>old friend gets his high school brother to start beating the shit out of me at the start of middle school
>no one cares
>parents tell me to fight back, teachers won't do anything because he's another teachers son/principals nephew
>start becoming withdrawn because of the constant bullying
>practically a mute by the time high school starts
>physical bullying stops in HS
>still quite kid
>speech teacher recognizes I'm pretty fucked up and actually helps me out of my shell a bit
>join debate team and start to get some semblance of normality back
>actually manage to get gf
>she's super religious so we never fuck but date for 3 1/2 years til college starts
>start uni
>parents divorce as soon as I'm moved out
>start doing shit at cs and get forced to change major
>gf didn't go to uni so we have a long distance thing going
>due to her shitty friends and parents we start fighting and break up
>keep going with uni
>no social skill so never make friends
>get to now
>borderline alcoholic virgin still in uni
>graduating next year with meme degree
>will probably just off myself

>>34436110
Thanks, she's purring right now next to me.

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>>34436242
DON'T DO IT

LET THE VOICE OF LOVE TAKE YOU HIGHER

>>34436355
>LET THE VOICE OF LOVE TAKE YOU HIGHER
Love is what got me here you little shit. But don't worry I'm not offing myself yet, there's always a chance I'm gonna wait a bit, there's always a chance I'll get into JET or something similar and meet a pure japanese qt or at least overly dedicated cake, like every fucking JET that talks at our school somehow managed to do. If that doesn't work I'm out though, this world is too painful to deal with for so long.

>1997
>Born to parents who were 17/18 and didn't want me. Both left me with my mon's parents
>Dad wants nothing to do with me
>Mom never sees me
>Grandparents have no time more me
>Raised by the TV
>No social skills
>2009-2011
>Live with my mom
>She's never home
>Eat fast food all day
>Take myself to school everyday
>Leave for my dad's in 2011
>He provides structure
>Beat he beats me ruthlessly everyday
>Eventually leave for my granny
>She takes care of me and doesn't beat me
>But just lets me bomb through school
>Still best life I ever got tho
>Fail highschool
>Fall in love with a girl who didn't want me
>Be alcoholic
>Lose all friends
>Lose alcoholism
>Get job
>Get back together with school friends
>Hate job
>Smoke weed erryday
>Cry myself to sleep
>no gf ever

>>34436084
That is a magnificent creature. Is a good cat? My cats a bitch and wont even let me touch her.

>>34435965
>1997
>Born to crazy white christian fundamentalist parents
>verbally/physically/emotional abuse while being homeschooled for 17 years
>older brother fakes his death and joins the french foreign legion
>parents suddenly become nice
>Go to public school for last 2 years of highschool
>enjoy myself and learn how to be somewhat normal socially while still not making any real friends and being lonely
>get into film production and editing during this time
>last semester I work as an unpaid student production assistant on a small local documentary
>producers ends up seeing my demo reel and likes it so much she starts giving me small bits of freelance work
>one year later, present I'm not doing occasional work as a freelance cameraman for the producer
>have a spot on the crew of a big new local documentary as a cameraman

>>34436695
Sounds nice man.

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>1992, babymaking mode engaged, conceived on kitchen counter in the missionary position.
>Parents are wealthy, we have a pool, I don't remember ( was baby)
> move from state to state as dad get wealthier
> pit stop in oregon but we leave due to lack of properly shaved female pits
>Settle down in MA
>Grow up a solid C/B student
>Graduate HS
>Join The service
>fight for my country ( actually just moved dead homless people out of ponds/bodies of water.)
> Get out of the Service
> Get 11/10 GF, hot stuff
> get 10/10 Job as Contractor making 65k a year at the age of 24 with no degree, prospects for promotion.

mfw

life is good my dudes

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>born in Georgia 1996 to from my mom and her boyfriend
>Move to North Carolina
>Age 0-3 father in military but mostly gone but technically lived in house
>Age 3 dad goes out on deployment and never comes back
>3-7 dad's always calling me from Thailand saying he'll be back soon, he doesn't come back
>I was weird and wold be awake all night when my mother is asleep and just fuck around the house and be myself
>Mom was usually not home because she had to work to support herself and a weird child on top of having problems with her mental health(bipolar), left home alone a lot, sometimes with my grandmother from my bio father side
>Teachers complaining about me being autistic
Mom takes my to psych and he says I just have ADHD(I don't) prescribed Adderall
>Get step dad at same time I got new meds, about age 7, he's in the military so I never see him
>Next 10 years are a blur of nothing good happening and feeling depressed and like there's something wrong with me, slew of antidepressant s and antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, everything making my life worse
>Parents didnt like me because they knew I smoked weed a few times and would drink at a friend's house despite not driving or going anywhere while doing so
> Done acid couple of times and came to the revelation that the meds I've been taking for 10 years are causing me problems. Yeah I was taking dextroamphetamine for 10 whole years.
Along with this other med I noticed totally muted my emotions
>Weekend myself off meds
>10 years of emotions to catch up on, suddenly feel like I'm alive and have an actual personality
>Trying to figure self out
>Parents dont like me, and I decided to do online school instead
>On 18th birthday "2 days to get all your shit out"
>Have me couple thousand which I spent on stupid shit within a month, mostly spent on computer parts and food
>Live in a van for a while and hotels and shit and made shit money at shit jobs

Cont

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>>34436806
>Not even intelligent
>Have wonderful life

That's good.

>>34436712
It's not bad now. Unfortunately I don't get nearly as much work as I like, I haven't worked since october but I've got a 15 hours two day job coming up soon. I don't know any details about the documentary though, all I know is that I've got a spot on the crew.

Other than that I'm the typical neet, I'm surprised that nobody has caught on yet.

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>>34436841
if it makes you feel less self hate I'm a 4.0 student now, I started college courses last year. I work full time and attend 12 credit hours worth of night classes ( which I get for free cause of Military.) so yeah, uneducated but becoming educated.

>>34436829
>Parents rip you out of your home when you're 18

They either had a good reason to not like you, or they never liked you in the first place.

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>>34435965
Sigma(1-i)

This thread is dumb let's party

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>>34435965
>born
>both parents are together
>smart toddler
>see porn at 4
>be 6
>parents drop me off with caretaker
>will stay with her for next few years
>pretty horny for a kid
>get raped/beaten by older girl (onee-san) who lives there
>don't mind
>onee-san makes me kind of girly
>grow accustomed to makeup and other girly things
>years pass
>onee-san becomes the only person I've been attached to
>try to kill onee-san one day
>hurt her pretty bad
>fail
>get blamed
>can't see onee-san anymore
>back to living with parents
>go to a bunch of schools
>get used to meeting people and never seeing them again
>never get attached to people
>parents divorce
>go to middle school
>still kind of girly
>get teased and groped by girls
>don't mind
>go to hs
>puberty kicks in
>girlishness gone
>learn how to appear fairly normie on outside
>graduate hs
>go to college
>graduate
>get job doing cool stuff
>unable to have sex without it being forced upon me
>plan to die alone
>no regrets
>content with life
>on /r9k/
>see this thread
>type this reply
>solve captcha
>press submit

>>34436972
Then what happened?

sweet avenue

>>34437009
After pressing submit, everything changed.

My hopes of living a normal life would be changed forever.

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>>34437054
Are you really content, or do you exemplify the fox and the grapes?

Please be honest with yourself. Do it before it's too late.

>>34436829
>Like I said lived In van and hotels after stupidly spending all my money and worked some shitty jobs
>Too stressed out one day and I drive from Virginia(where I lived) randomly to Gettysburg PA
>took whole bottle of antidepressant s before driving
>Ended up in hospital, don't remember first 5 days but suddenly in pysch ward for 2 weeks
>Leave because there was no contact with the outside world unless you knew someone's phone number or had stamps
>Manic and losing myself, move into homeless shelter
>Write parents a letter asking to come back home so I can just start over again
>They eventually just tell me they'll never live with me again and don't wanna talk to me cuz they figured out I spent all that money they gave me before
>They give me 2000 dollars
>I moved to Washington state where I'm at now
>Get job at McDonald's right off bat and eventually rent a room with some cool people
>Get fired for being high on Xanax at work because I'm stupid and like to mask my real feelings with drugs
>Luckily I had started my second job at Burger King already
>People I live with started to kinda make fun of me after one guy I lived with left
>I'm sensitive to what people think so I move out into the woods because I'd rather be homeless
>Get really good at Burger King and make good friends with most there
>Eventually my boss lets me live with him and we become good friends
>I'm still living in his shed now but I got fired from BK in December for making myself food and not paying for it
>Good friend says I can stay as long as I need
>Just got my GED and a job at Subway
>Gonna start working out once my sick goes away
>Hopefully I can join the army, that's what I wanna do

>>34436927
I'm aware

0ringla

>>34437113
I'm content because I don't feel sad. I never feel sad, not even when bad things happened to me as a kid.

I have this one constant mood in which I am pleased.

It's not as extreme as being happy, but it's not a bad feeling either.

>>34437132
I'm sorry, but I see that you've poor impulse control and cognitive planning. You've attained no mastery over your own emotions (this is something that is even more indicative of stupidity and foolishness).

Your IQ is likely relatively low despite your curious demeanor.

You will probably hurt yourself over and over until you fall into a rut you're comfortable in. You'll then die.

There's no hope for you unless you learn to control your mind via meditation and mindfulness. Please take a minute out of your life and read this:

http://www.baytallaah.com/bookspdf/51.pdf

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>>34435965
>be born 1994
>raised by single mother til I was six
>step dad and I never got along; severe communication barrier
>get bullied in middle school
>drop out and go to private school til 8th grade
>get kicked out on suspicion of violence
>go to public high school
>no friends still
>attempt suicide and fail miserably
>drop out of high school to finish the rest in night school
>stayed back a total of two years
>finally graduated at 19
>go to community college
>drop out first semester from panic attacks
>work shitty dead end job for three years
>got kicked out three weeks ago
now I'm here I will pay someone to kill me

>>34437229
I fear that to never know sadness is to never know happiness. Then again, I'm an INFP.

If you say you're content and happy, please continue on.

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>spawn in 96
>draw shit fucking mental stats due to a history of mental illnesses down my ancestry line
>roll decent physical stats, 6ft5 and deep voice
>change schools 5 times due to parent's jobs
>drop out at 16 due to financial hardships endured by my parents
>lose my closest two friends, an Alaskan malamute and a German Shepard to unavoidable illnesses
>stop antidepressants/visits at the psych due to a lack of funds
>no gf because of no funds
>can't obtain funds because of no job
>can't obtain a job because of no high school diploma
>can't go back to school cuz too old and can't afford it
>20 now trying to get my country's version of GEDs by studying at home
>if all goes well I'll be in a uni in the UK powered by decent loans and temp jobs, studying microbiology or CS
Also a bunch of other really shit events that happened in a very short time.
What fucking sucks is I still have no motivation even though I understand the importance of passing my exams and the consequences they bring
The only thing that has stopped me from killing myself is my loving mother.

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>1999
>born to irish parents in UK
>find out about computers at a very young age
>isolate myself from everyone playing shitty games like club penguin and adventurequest worlds for majority of childhood
>coast through school without really studying, get alright grades
>fastforward to teenage years, have no friends and play shitty games on PC that i built
>drop out of college, lack of enthusiasm and motivation, no support or encouragement to succeed at home
>been a NEET since

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tw8x9DJ08JM

>born 1994
>middle class
>mom is trophy wife that functions at the intellectual and emotional level of an 11-year-old girl
>dad is ultraconservative, materialistic, doesn't give a shit about me or my brother unless we "misbehave" (which was everything, from legitimate disrespect to honest mistakes/accidents)
>has extremely short temper
>loveless family, parents' parenting style is punish punish and punish more and use guilt/shame
>otherwise, they just ignored me and brother
>brother "difficult" kid - when my dad got mad at him he would physically and psychologically torture him for hours and i had to watch
>bullied a lot in middle school by old friends, as i wasn't allowed to watch most movies or video games and ended up not really knowing how to socialize with anybody except the kind of kids my parents approved of me hanging out with... basically dweebs with rich parents
>end up disowning dweeb friends and becoming friends with old bullies, not because i liked them but because they did all the things i wanted to do like drugs/sex
>get into drugs/sex, serious problems with parents
>tried to commit suicide several times - if my parents found out they would ground me for months, not letting me see/interact with my friends and take away everything i found comforting
>mom would shame/guilt me for suicide attempts for these months and my dad would ignore me for months
>therapist shop for one that would agree/side with them
>they also contacted coaches/teachers to tell them their side of the story before i could get to them
>i thought that this was normal and that they were just particularly strict parents
>still haven't told anybody to this day about it all
>now i'm about to graduate from college, likely going to get my PhD in math/physics, have many friends who i have somewhat fulfilling relationships with
>parents are so proud
>still periodically depressed though i haven't tried to kill myself in a long time
>i think things are getting better

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Mump

>born in 95
>parents split up 5 years later
>move to a different city
>father gifts me my own PC
>have trouble in school
>have therapy
>go to a different school
>problems go away
>stop therapy
>get shit grades
>have to go to a different school
>trouble starts again
>full blown social anxiety
>don't have any friends
>problems get worse
>sleep less
>4 hours a day
>get depressions
>miss a lot of school
>13th grade
>try going to my first psychiatrist
>he's shit
>finish school
>move to a new city
>start studying chemistry
>have a tremor
>fuck up because of it
>stop going to university
>go to a psychiatrist
>get meds
>tells me to go to a hospital
>don't want to
>diagnoses me with depressions, agoraphobia, and social anxiety
>problems get worse
>have panic attacks
>agree to go to the hospital
>get diagnosed with BPD and AvPD
>go to a different hospital
>it's shit
>go to a different hospital
>have a break for two months just being alone
>paranoia is getting worse every day
>go to the 4th hospital
>get diagnosed with schizophrenia
>get put on more meds
>2017
>get released after 3+ months
>therapy twice a week
>guardian from assisted living comes by thrice a week
>psychiatrist appointments every two weeks
>going to start university again soon
>CS

>>34436441
>But don't worry I'm not offing myself yet, there's always a chance I'm gonna wait a bit, there's always a chance I'll get into JET or something similar
Speaking of borderline alcoholic
>But don't worry I'm not offing myself yet, there's always a chance I'll get into JET or something similar

Hello again!

>dad is a violent schizophrenic paedophile from a rough city
>my mum was also violent
>parents moved from Manchester to Taunton in 1981 because racist
>had my sister in '89 and me in '92
>used to beat me, lock me in cupboards and wash mouth out with soap when I was as young as 3
>had to watch and sometimes get caught inbetween parents physical fighting
>mum and dad divorced in '95
>mum took me and sister to Manchester women and childrens home
>met a guy called Frank
>he used to beat me and my sister, swung us by our ears until they bled
>dad found us and took us to Exeter
>sexually abused me, physically abused me, mentally abused me and verbally abused me
>used to go crazy a lot, heavy drinker. extremely violent
>dropped sister off at cop station in June of '97
>I'm with this crazy bastard until late '98
>go into care
>am withdrawn
>I molested kids when I was a kid (even living with my dad)
>my foster dad cheated on my foster mum so there were a lot of fights there
>foster dad has punched me on occasion
>I tried to fuck foster sister
>killed her hamsters and a dog
>pyromaniac
>thought about mass murder a lot
>thief
>vandal
>I attempted burglary once
>zoophillia

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>>34438030
>Have led a totally normal life
>Am a zoophile

I can't help but be honest with my desires.

>>34438030

jesus man. im very sorry - things can get better if you want them to be, believe me

>>34438138
Zoophilia was from 15 to 20 years old but I still fap to vids.
>>34438148
No. The normies must feel pain on this level

>1998, michigan
>american white dad and mexican hispanic mom
>while in mom's tummy i swallowed that fluid fetuses float in
>it gets in my lungs and i can't breathe
>flip the fuck out and get my unborn ass outta there
>mom and dad rush to hospital
>i'm born, doctors put me in an incubator so i can breathe
>while i'm in the hospital i have a bunch of blood tests taken and since i'm a newborn child having blood drawn is a big deal
>2 or 3 weeks later the doctors declare me fine and let my parents take me home
>looking back this is possibly why i am so lanky
>growing up mom and dad instill the values of kindness, honesty, and respect into me
>forget to teach me that although it is important to be kind to others you also have to be strong and respect yourself
>grow up to be a big pussy
>mom and dad were not a happy couple and i only remember them being lovey dovey once when i was like 3
>almost get divorced when i was in 1st grade
>dad played mmo's and let me fuck around on his wow character,awakening an autistic love for gaming and fantasy
>was a kinda weird and very quiet kid at school
>teachers saw me not being all rowdy and energetic like everyone else and praised it since it's easier to teach a kid who's quiet
>still had some friends
>mom and dad finally get divorced when im in 4th grade and went full blown petty teenager mode
>gotta cope with all their bullshit
>retreat to bionicles and pokemon diamond version
>spend most of time with my mother in the middle of the 08 recession
>it was not easy, eventually had both internet and cable cut off so all i did was play wii and read
>"friends" teased me and said i was some hardcore video game addict, think they said something about me never getting a girlfriend too but it could just be my brain making shit up
>in 5th grade mom can't afford to live in the states for any longer with the recession and constant legal fights and we move to mexico
will continue if anyone is interested

>>34438647

i'd like to hear more... please continue

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>1984
>I'm born to a drug addict, schizophrenic father, and a fat, insecure mother
>Third of four children
>Medical condition that would have killed me by age nine
>Surgery at age three to fix it
>Thirteen years old, I start feeling very weird and angry
>Soon start hearing whispers, especially at night
>Can't focus on school, get very stressed out
>At fourteen, I'm institutionalized and diagnosed with a number of mental illnesses, including schizophrenia
>At fifteen I drop out, and coast until I'm eighteen, doing nothing but playing video games at home, growing more and more isolated
>Sixteen I meet a girl and fall in love for the first time. She ends up cheating on me three years later.
>At eighteen, get a job at Taco Bell, still isolated socially
>At twenty, was arrested for drunkenly threatening my ex-girlfriend in front of a cop that I didn't see
>Still haven't talked to her since
>Worked a few retail jobs that never lasted more than a few months
>Attempted suicide at twenty-one. Didn't know anyone was home, shot myself in the head with my mom's gun, was rushed to the ER
>Spent a year inside a mental health facility
>Afterward, spent six months homeless
>At twenty-two, became legally disabled
>Got an apartment and lived alone on disability for years
>Twenty-five, got in a fight with step-dad and stabbed him, went to jail for six months
>Thirty, while living with my mother, tried to kill myself quietly in my room one night. Mom got up for the bathroom and said she heard me choking. Step-dad kicked the door in and got me down. Don't remember any of it. Woke up in the hospital.
>Spent seven months in a mental health facility
>Currently thirty-two, aimless, lost touch with siblings a few years ago, spend my days playing video games, listening to old music, waiting for my mother to die, so I can too.

I feel like some people were never meant to live long. Every year I'm alive feels a little more wrong.

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>>34435965
Here we go.

>1996 (born in Connecticut, lived here my entire life)
>parents were liberal doctors
>raised in atmosphere of liberal Catholicism, super emasculating and sheltered (pretty sure my dad is gay, and my mom is outrageously obsessive compulsive)

>never had many close friends, rarely hung out with other kids outside of school or youth sports
>mother would routinely search through my belongings, still sperg out every time somebody goes near my stuff, get super autistic about going over to my friends' rooms
>at age 15, went full tinfoil, put on a cocktail of psycho meds
>end up graduating second in my class, go to super liberal college to study STEM

>freshman year, fucking hate everyone and everything, made a few friends that I have lost touch with since, went off meds
>sophomore year, lost virginity and began masturbating (age 19), made a few new friends
>junior year, declare triple STEM major, still perpetually angry and anxious, decide to live in sophomore housing by myself instead of with a friend in junior village

I just want to leave this shitty life behind. Looking to California for graduate school. I'd love to live in a cabin in northern New England and just make music all day.

>1998, AUS
>father from uk, mother australian
>have an uneventful birth; parents say i didn't even cry
>lived in WA for around a decade, family was fairly poor
>we rented from an italian guy who lived next door, comfy street, comfy neighbourhood
>said italian dude was really cool, built cars and played star wars movies on his projector 24/7
>lots of friends in primary school, playdates all the time
>many happy memories of places, friends, good birthday parties etc.
>sitting in my room playing lego and mother walks in saying she's pregnant - i didn't care and kept playing lego
>sister grows up to be a spoilt, annoying fuck
>got my first computer at around age 9, shitty compaq windows 98 computer
>move to NSW
>have a hard time getting used to new school, bullied physically for a few years
>make 2 friends who subsequently bully me
>dad tells me to fight back but too placid
>new kids in school, become best friends
>gain popularity because of my artistic ability
>fast forward to high-school
>get a new group of friends
>slowly begin to excel academically as the years go on
>outside of school become a loner who never meets up with anyone
>parents super-strict about games and screens so become a massive bookworm, which helps with school
>father has massive mood swings which last for weeks at a time, but he never physically hurts us
>parents argue like teenagers every now and then, threaten to divorce but never do
>sister still a little shit
>fast forward to now, finished high school top performing student, waiting for uni to start
>electronics restrictions removed since 18
>play vidya and listen to music all day
>pressured to get a job
>tfw now i'm a khv unemployed loner even though my life has been good overall

>>34436242
At least you don't have to pay off student loans.

>>34439202

what sort of music do you make? what's your triple STEM in?

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>>34435965

> born middle class 'merica.

>older brother smarter, I am fuck up black sheep, almost fail high school pre-calc

> drop out of college after 3 weeks. Move back home. Old high school friends all gone.

> bored, watch Scrubs, characters are all frienods . Decide if I were a physician instead of a fuck up, I could have friends too

> get dx ADHD, get meds, go back to college. 4.0 7 semesters in a row

> 5 months until graduate with MD. I'm not very good at what I do and I don't have any friends.

> Oh well. I guess I tried?

>>34439787

have you considered getting your MD PhD and doing research?

>>34439369
Eh, I took out student loans first year, I had a breakdown over the divorce and breaking up second so my gpa was too low to qualify for them and my parents have been paying since, so I still have first year to pay, but I still feel like a meme ALT job would at least cover minimum on that

>1997 land of the free
>parents divorce when 5
>get fat in fourth grade because dad feeds me shit
>fortunately dont get bullied because tall and large frame
>lose elementary friends after they get accepted to special snowflake program in middle school
>grades 6-7 no friends
>go home and browse 4chan/watch anime/play vidya everyday
>grades drop
>parents yell at me about grades until i'm in tears for next 5 years
>manage to make friends in grade 8
>they all go to special snowflake high school and leave me behind
>first couple months of high school is looking to be the same
>join anime club
>everyone's cringy but at least i'm not alone
>grade 10-14
>make cyborg bros
>skyping everyday playing vidya/watching anime
>count calories, exercise daily, taking less stressful classes
>finally start losing weight
>grills all over me but my autism repels them
>feeling good
>graduate
>bros all doing their own things but still talk everyday on discord
>drop out after a semester
>neet for a year
>let myself go from stress and gain weight back
>distancing self from friends out of shame
>dad finds out i'm not in college anymore and kicks me out
>have to live on my mom's houseboat
>no internet so cut off completely from friends
>decide I want to be drawfag
>studying 45+ hours a week
>starting to lose weight again

>>34439811

MD PhD programs have their own separate application process and I've already been in the str8 allopathic for 3 and half yrs so I doubt it would be an option for me.

Anyways, I'm below average intellect and ability as a soon to internal resident, so there is no way I'd make it as and MD PhD. My intelligence is overextended as is.

>>34440343

why do you feel that way? about your intelligence? i used to feel the same way, too, until i started doing biophysics research halfway through my undergrad (math, physics, CS) and realized that i was a hell of a lot better doing research work than class work.

im not trying to be a total evangelist for research, and what you've said makes sense, those are just my experiences, that sometimes the actual work/application becomes a lot different

>>34435965
>parents very controlling, constantly trying to run my life (basic parent shit)
>make me join this hardcore wilderness survival group, niggas are basically military
>have to miss every break from school to go to wilderness and hike for days on end
>end up being molested on a trip (shock shock), ironically its by another scout. too mch of a pussy to tell anyone
>dad is constantly away on business to pay for my siblings and moms stupid shit (they seemingly get whatever they want)
>dad is super depressed and lonely when hes gone, when hes home hes always busy being nagged
>find out my mom is cheating on him, she guilts me into never telling him
>i am destroyed by guilt constantly for never telling him, but by now it feels too late
>finally find a girl i like, helps take shit off my mind
>long story short she cucks me for a chad whos bullied me for years
>i cant even express how angry i am, makes it worse bc she makes me keep it a secret
>feel constant feelings like im crazy, losing empathy with normies and gaining it for fringe people
>constantly feel paranoid
>cant even relate to anyone near me anymore
>try and talk to a friend about it, they think im joking and laugh at me
>cant even express how i feel or the shit im seeing and hearing, that I KNOW cant be there
>people at school now think im crazy and dangerous bc i believe in a few conspiracy theories
>totally fucking alienated by world at large

so yea, basically ive been ruining my life by being too much of a pussy to just say how im feeling and tell people whats happened, but any time i do im even more alienated
although, still could be worse

>>34440720

if you're receptive to advice here is mine: you're gonna have to risk it all. stand up to everybody. confront your parents about their control/neglect, try to be as honest/candid as you can with your friends about what is going on, hold that stacie accountable for what she did to you.

but try to respect people, too, and understand that there are a lot of people out there struggling with the same things. some people just cope differently. you probably aren't as alienated as you think. try to appreciate the relationships you have for what you have, but you're going to have to try to establish healthy boundaries (especially with your parents) and earn people's respect. otherwise things will just slowly get worse and get worse and get worse unless something drastic happens. things can be better if you want them to be.

im this guy, by the way, if you want to reference my experience
>>34437678

>>34438335
I agree, my life hasnt been completely shit. but those normies whove never even experienced sleeping out in the cold, or missing meals because you dont even have any food. those fucks need to learn pain

>>34440858
ive kind of stood up to my parents lately, and im paying for my own college and not taking another dime from those manipulative fucks.
desu my main issue lately is that i just feel no regard for other people, or empathy. like i cant relate at all, and any time i try to they push me further away, and i become harsher. also im like 80% sure i have some sort of delusional disorder or something, that or everyone ive ever met is fucking with me.

>>34441118

i understand. i sort of went through the same thing - i went through a period of time when i was extremely bitter and, without really realizing it, i lashed out at my friends in passive-agressive/manipulative/petty ways, trying to make them feel bad about themselves and also debasing/humiliating them in front of members of the opposite sex. a lot of my friends to this day were former bullies of mine. but i was also sort of 'crying out for attention' at the same time, as i felt (probably rather correctly) that they didn't really give a shit about me. my friends stuck with me but it also really distanced me from them and we saw each other a lot less.

i guess i ended up coming to the conclusion that it works both ways, and the only person you can really control effectively without creating resentment is yourself. focus on making your relationships better by being a better person and those people will react by starting to care more about you. it's like a positive feedback loop.

and as for the delusions, ive felt the same way. ive experienced hallucinations during the worst parts of a depressive episode. i came to the conclusion through a lot of research, both conventional and unconventional, that i was suffering from what psychologists describe as "psychotic depression." you don't seem schizophrenic, as usually schizophrenics are unable to understand/admit that they are experiencing delusions. it helped me a lot to read up on/listen to speeches about the condition. as much as people think of the whole mental disorder thing as just narcissistic whining, there is a lot of truth behind it. there are real, tangible manifestations and real, tangible (easy to fix) physical reasons why people often suffer these mental disorders

i don't want to seem like im saying that i've defeated my demons - i just really think that i've been able to increase the quality of my life and have a feeling you can probably do the same

>>34441386
huh maybe youre right, im not sure is schizophrenia for sure, but i hit every mark for schizotypal disorder and paranoid personality disorder.
but yeah that thing with the riends hits it on the the mark, ill try to be nicer. hopefully it wont backfire though

>>34439146
My fellow 1984 nigga.

It's like all the older fags here are the most broken.

I don't feel like typing much, but I'll just say I was a shut in for most of my younger years, my teenage years, and all my 20's. I'm trying to piece myself together now in my 30's.

>1997
>Parents divorce when I was one
>Mom gets cruel boyfriend that stays and supports us for twelve years
>Mom is my only friend, love her so much, though she's very crazy, she's a great mom
>Dad's a smooth going southern man, poor but real
>Mom and stepdad split
>Mom descends into drugs
>Turns my room into a meth lab
>Fourteen, live with dad at Grandma's house
>Life sucks
>Cute non-flaming faggot, have gone through a few lovers
>Been with bf for five years now
>Mom died in September

I'm 19 and in college. Life sucks, but could be worse. A lot of trauma from living with mom, but still loved her.

>1995
>almost died from having my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck
>diagnosed with "very mild" autism
>raised by crazy narcissistic Christian mother and cyborg dad
>mom is one of those parents who openly acts like a martyr because of her kid's autism even though I was a docile kid and never one to have screeching meltdowns or flap my hands or anything like that
>i mean sure i was a rebellious slacker in high school but that's not because of autism
>she was on the school board and thus I was nepotistically picked on throughout my later childhood
>wasted a lot of time in pointless IEP meetings
>teachers usually hated me
>committed twice and put on a variety of medications
>I'm convinced that mother exaggerated my issues either to get sympathy or to pretend to be some kind of hero who was "saving" me from ungodly influences just like in one of those TLCish christian dramas she loves so much
>held back a lot by parents and teachers
>eventually dropped out and got a ged
>never learned to apply myself or solve my own problems
>now an agoraphobic shut-in with no direction whatsoever
>only immediate sibling was driven out of the house twice and now lives overseas
>parents expect me to have a conventional 9-5 normie existence like them
>i really want to live on the road doing workaways like my sister did
>i don't care about contributing to society, i just want to let myself exist

>>34435965
>Born in 93
>Have a decent childhood, obvious to my mother's drug abuse and generally how shiity our lives really where.
>Get bullied in school a lot, while I handle it like a dumb autist.
>High school happens, make friends with a Chad, elevates me above my true status.
>Have greatest 4 years of my life, lots of friends and fun.
>Graduate high school, go home, and never really leave again.
>5 years later still wasting my life, suffering soul crushing lonliness.
>Here now shit posting feeling like trash.

>born 94
>childhood was pretty sweet for a while
>parents split when I was like 5
>shit went downhill real fast
>played vidya and watched TV 90% of my free time
>friends with 1-2 other non-normie kids
>dad forced me to go to therapy
>diagnosed with depression because of the divorce
>continued bad habits, vidya became my coping method for depression
>hung out with the burnouts and the nerds in highschool so I was a weird in-between because I was straight-edge at the time
>worked part time in retail because they were the only people who would hire me
>pulled a fucking miracle and one of the girls I tried asking to prom actually said yes because of some super corny shit (she probably just felt bad for me desu)
>she agrees to date me (pls no reee)
>wanted to go to community college because it was affordable and I could pay for it myself (I have a thing for being independent when possible)
>dad insists I go away to school somewhere, offers to pay for years 1-3 and I take year 4
>go to private school
>find the outcast crowd in my building & hang out with them
>on breaks from school I'm working full time and sometimes 2 jobs
>gf breaks up with me after 3 years because she didn't love me anymore and couldn't wait until marriage to have sex like I wanted so left me
>went through 3 boyfriends in a year after that and landed on one that she still has, while I'm still alone
>all of my tinder matches are bots
>girls ghost me and friendzone me constantly
anyway
>got an internship by complete luck that fell into my lap because a professor hooked me up
>school still pretty expensive so I landed a job as an RA by faking the hiring people the fuck out by pretending to be a hyper-normie, so now I don't pay for housing
>barely do my job and figured out how to get out of most of the work because it's awful and retarded
>I had leftover money so I leased myself a new car to drive to work
>possible job out of this internship (???)
>now i'm posting this

Thanks for reading my blog

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13KB, 200x200px

>>34435965
i like how you included best op anon