greentext your first time

>>34428664
Either this is decent bait or you need to fuck off to tumblr

>>34428664
well it went just like this
>

if you have a small penis you shouldn't have sex end of story

>>34428664
Subtle bait but also extremely effective. The little shortened words that have really no business being shortened, the asides like (IM JUST LIKE THAT FOR SOME REASON), the interplay between you and the you in your head, pretty spot-on impression of a normie girl.

Unless, of course, you actually are girl in which case what the fuck are you doing here get the fuck out reeeeEEEEEEEEE

>>34428664
> visiting long distance BF for the first time
> day 3 we go for a drink
> we have a beer each and walk home
> when we get home he starts playing a video game
> I sit on the bed and watch videos on my tablet
> a few minuets later when I look up he's sitting next to me
> I ask him " what"
> he starts making out with me
> he starts fingering me
> think "oh god nothing I can do now, this is happening"
> we move up on the bed
> he removes his pants
> I try to blow him but my mouth is dry AF and it's not working and he say " meh I'm not good at getting blow jobs"
> he then gets on top of me and puts a condom on
> can't find the hole says "I can't find it and you aren't helping, is this your first time"
> embarrassed I just look away
> takes condom off and finds the hole
> " God why are you so tight"
> stinging pain for about 2 mins
> pulls out and cums in my mouth
> we awkwardly cuddle.

>>34428664
I don't even remember it. I remember who it was with but I don't remember the event.

Why do women always cherish their "first time"? I am really annoyed at how emotional women get about stupid shit. It leads to so much bullshit. The reason we have $40,000 weddings is because women want their emotional bullshit celebration that is "the perfect day :)" and if anything goes wrong it ruins their life. What a joke, I hate the female gender.

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>>34428664
I stopped reading the first time "bec" was used. Medium quality bait. Mildly annoying and enough for me to post about it, but not enough to break my keyboard over.

>>34428664
I'm more concerned that you wasted your time writing this. Why would you pretend to be a girl and make up an entire story and write it specifically to be annoying like that? You're acting like a woman who needs attention, stop that. It is pathetic.

Not even mad just concerned for your mental stability

>>34428664
i i i i i i i iii got an erection

>be me
>at a party at some girls place
>not drunk
>shity music
>meh
>a fight breaks
>some random drunk dude tried to steals a girl's hat or something
>go to the balcony
>it's snowing
>this drunk girl joins me
>girl: oh much better, it's too noisy over there.
>she was a very cute brunette and she was obviously drunk
>me:...
>girl: so, what are you drinking
>me: whisky with coke
>girl:can I have some?
>she almost drinks it all
>girl: thanks :)
>me:...
>people start screaming inside
>girl: so, did you see my friend?
>me: No...
>girl: oh, come on! The girl with the purple shirt on the couch
>I look inside, there was a girl on the couch with a purple shirt looking at us
>me: oh, I see.
>girl: you should go talk to her
>me: why?
>girl: just go
>I look inside, purple girl is not as cute
>drunk girl pushes me "just go already"
>I walk towards purple girl
>wtfamidoing.jpeg
>purple girl is talking to some dude
>I go get more whisky
>after a while drunk girl found me
>girl: wtf dude! Just come with me
>she takes my hand and drags me to the purple girl
>girl: here!
>me: Hi...
>the guy walks away
>purple girl: hey, sit here
>she's more drunk than the other girl
>we star making out
>how.jpg
>she tastes like cigarettes and dog food
>making out for some time
>it's getting pretty boring
>purple girl: wanna go somewhere else
>me:...
>she takes my hand and drags me upstairs
>she pulls me to the toilet
>she starts kissing me very hard
>oh fuck, it's happening
>she stops
>turns and barfs all over the sink and starts crying
>WTF
>I just stand there while she's crying
>me: I'll be back
>get out of the bathroom and back to the party
>I need a drink

1/2

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>middle of the night, in a fast food dumpster
>stomping down trash in my little uniform, getting all kinds of disgusting shit all over my pants
>good goy, hardest worker, but constantly dealing with normo co-workers
>phone vibrates
>check messages, it's one of those stupid chain letters from a co-worker who is off work that day
>something like "blabla SEND THIS TO TEN(10) PEOPLE AND U WILL GET LAID 2NITE"
>reply "You know I would totally do you, [girl]."
>she was probably the least attractive of all the girls I worked with
>cute face, but meh body, wide but no rolls, small tits
>she replies "are u askin anon"
>"I'm down if you are"
>she agrees, work the rest of my shift smiling and keeping my mouth shut
>get home about 11 and text her
>she picks me up in her mom's car, asks if I have condoms
>we drive to a gas station to get some
>buy a box of Magnums and buy her a Brisk iced tea
>thanks me and says it was nice to buy that for her
>she drives us to a park
>we get out and go between some rows of seats
>thighs too thicc to ride me so we're stuck doing doggy style on the concrete
>the puss felt nice, but it was a humid summer night and I'm catching whiffs of her asshole
>going soft inside her, but keep going
>she seems to be enjoying herself
>for some reason we stop and drive around again
>stop at a car wash
>she blows me
>pretty fucking great sloppy dome
>moan her name
>she stops and spits on my thigh
>she thought I came, but she was only tasting precum
>didn't want to start sucking again, zipped up and drove home
>said she had fun and wanted to do it again
>didn't cum and I'm pretty sure she didn't either
>never texted her back
>quit job and moved states

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>>34429888
Also
>got blisters on both knees from the concrete

>>34428664
>im girl btw rawr xDd coz i type like dis so funneeh im so randummm /FOR SOME REASON IM LIKE DAT XD DONT LAUGH

>>34428664
>with girl
>cuddling
>she grabs penor
>lies and says its big
>says she want fug
>put it in
>cum instantly
>pass out
>she makes breakfast in the morning
>repeat ad infinitum, were married now

>>34428664
This is the most poorly written greentext get the Fuck off my board normie

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>>34429961
Now thats a love story

>>34429548
>go get a beer
>purple girl's friend is in the kitchen talking to a chubby girl
>girl: hey anon, you are back already
>tells her her friend just threw up in the sink
>girl: oh damn...
>me: yup
>girl: I should go see her... Do you smoke anon?
>me: not really
>girl let's go back to the balcony
>at this moment there were not a lot of people at the party
>girl: anon, would you rather make out with me or the purple girl?
>me: You I guess.
>she smiles a little
>we start talking a lot
>she's actually really interesting
>girl: oh, there she goes (she says it to herself almost)
>purple girl is going out of the building with chubby friend
>anon let's drink more!
>she drags me back to the party and there is still a lot of booze
>we keep drinking and some of my friends join in
>she grabs my hand
>whisper "let's go upstairs"
>we starting making out in THE SAME BATHROOM!
>it stills smell like barf
>I grab her tit
>nicetit.jpeg
>she grabs my dick
>me: ooooo
>girl: do you like that anon?
>me: ungh
>she turns around and starts to grind her ass again my crouch
>damn son!
>girl: here anon, put this condom
>I take a while, but I manage
>she drops her pants and panties
>so that's how a vagina looks like
>girl: come on anon, put it in
>I don't know how
>I take my dick and start to push and look for an opening
>somehow she starts to moan
>it's in!
>I start fucking her
>I cum in 2 min
>she gets dressed and leaves without a word
>I look myself in the mirror
>there is puke on it

>>34428664
nice bait fag,now get cancer and die.

>>34428664
>women literally greentexting being a degenerate whore on /r9k/
I haven't been on this board in a year, but I wanted to know what Trump era /r9k/ looked like

Needless to say, I am not surprised. This place has really gone to shit

>>34430034
LARP

>girl: here anon, put this condom

You think real life is like your idiot fantasies and Japanese animes?

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>>34429119
So fucking much this

I thought I was insane because I think this way. Why the fuck girls get so emotional about that kind of stupid bullshit???

>le omg guurl he loved muh he wants to marry muh and be le dad of my kids omggggg le happiest day of my life xxddddd

Jesus Christ, who the fuck invented this fucking bullshit? I seriously blame Disney for this shit, girls are rised to be "princess" since they're little girls, and I hate that fucking mentality that all girls won't take you serious if you say you don't wanna marry her.

>le marrying meme

Female are so fucking stupid and what bothers me the most is that they're always the center of attention, especially when they're good looking they get everything handed to them

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>removes fedora
>it was a fine Summer night 2014 during a waning moon phase at 10:35pm Eastern time in Southwest Florida (Clearwater to be precise)
>My family and I were on vacation (My older sisters Mari (23 at the time) Diana (24) John (26) and mother Ellie (48)
>We were staying at an Inn 10min from the beach and I myself had installed all sorts of dating apps because I wanted to lose my virginity for some time
>I had been talking to older men since I was 14, usually masquerading as different people so that I could live out my sexual fantasies through texts and pictures, I had all sorts of characters and boyfriends/girlfriends all over the world that I constantly spoke to but I, myself, had never had sex and I was already 19 years old which was not normal to be a virgin at that old age.
>I opened up the radar app and looke daround my area for potential cute guys for me to meet up with. It was during the Summer so there were a lot of cute guys my age visiting as well and some even in the Inn and nearby hotels
>I spoke to a few but they all wanted to meet up first the next morning because it was late and they were with their friends and family and Honestly I felt pretty desperate because I was so horny
>Eventually this Latin boy (6'1", dark hair, eyes probably Colombian, tanned skin, fit, easy ont he eyes) messaged me and asked if I was looking to hook up that night and I immediately said yes even though I could not drive to him or host but that didn't matter because after 5min of talking he was coming to pick me up

>>34428664
Why do you pretend to be a girl on 4chan, dude?

>>34430127
tell us about the first time you got on /r9k/ and posted b8

>be 3 yrs old
>grown men stick their fingers up my butt
>cry
>cry more
>...
>nope, that's it...
>oh wait, no, raped horribly...
>okay.
>...

>>34430125
I don't get it either. There is no way in hell you could make me spend an absurd amount of money for something that'll probably end in flames to begin with. A nice little ceremony if you really want will suffice just fine, but for weddings it's always as if Napoleon himself was resurrected from the dead and everyone decided he's Emperor of France again.

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>be nerd, have nerd guy friend
>we cut school to vidya together because we got teased for being nerds
>one summer everybody started fucking
>everybody
>start getting teased because i have no fucking stories
>girls call me a lesbian and random dudes try to corner me into giving up my virginity
>nerd friend was being teased for the same reason
>decide to just go ahead and do it because at least we trust each other
>he spends about 20 minutes pretending he knows what he's doing by forcing his dick into my butt dry
>he manages to get his head it before we finally admit this is wrong af
>he lets me guide him to where it feels right
>he grinds his head into me which felt hot af
>until the rest of his D gets past my hymen
>then it was just painful af
>he cums in two minutes while i tremble in shock and pain
>we agree to never speak of this again to one another, then shower and go back to playing vidya
>both of us make up better first time stories pretending we fucked other people
>not one person realized the truth

He was a nice guy but I kind of regret losing my virginity to someone who was just a friend for a shallow reason like that. If I could do it over again, I'd probably would have preferred to take my own virginity masturbating because sex with other human beings is extremely unfulfilling.

>>34430351
You guys needed to warm up the foreplay or use lube.

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>>34430381
I guess so. But we were like 14 or 15. He got himself ready by jacking off dry and I just got naked and got under the covers until he was ready. It was pretty much like ok let's get this over with rather than thinking about pleasure or enjoyment.

>>34430479
Sex when wet is a much better experience. That sounded like it was a terrible first experience.

>get invited out to a bar for drinks after work
>don't really know my workmates that well but go anyway
>the bar's loud, kinda run down
>drink a bit but decide to go home
>get stopped by workmates and go to their booth
>talk with a girl there for a while
>keeps buying me drinks
>get pretty drunk
>get into a cab with the girl and someone else
>before I know it I'm on her bed making out
>we both undress
>oh
>it's a (fe)male
>oh it's pretty big too
>say fuck it and keep going
>her friend comes in the room
>oh
>it's a guy
>he's bigger than "her"


and that's how I had one of the most terrifying, painful, pleasurable and enjoyable experiences of my life.

>>34430502
Yes, naturally. And yes, it was. That's why we've never talked about it. I've had better experiences since then but overall sex is still pretty underwhelming unless I'm doing it myself.

>>34429086
REEEEEeeee go back to tumblr
You don't know how badly I want this with my own qt3.14 virgin gf

>>34429086
>I try to blow him but my mouth is dry AF and it's not working and he say " meh I'm not good at getting blow jobs"

He shouldn't feel bad, I'm the same way

>>34429961
>Having this good of a life
I'm tbqhwyfam jealous.

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>Friend of mines is a whore From time to time (When she needs money).
>We was talking.
>Cringly sad because my kitten died that day.
>Bitterness.exe
>Pathetic sack of shit that I am, I'm complaining about the world with her.
>She just stops me and stuff happens.

>We didn't kissed one another and it was overall a horrible experience.
>I'm still bitter

What a chad am I.

>>34428664
I was dating a girl, we had planned it out for a little bit, she picked me up, went back to her place, we did it. It wasn't very good, neither of us finished.

On another note, get the fuck out.

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>>34428664
>be me, 16 y/o
>pick up 17 y/o stacy gf in dad's SUV and go to magic kingdom all day with her (we both get in free, our parents all worked there)
>come back near her house at like 11pm
>instead of dropping her off, she tells me to park in this one wooded spot right outside her neighborhood
>she lowers the back seats in the car, we both get fully naked
>5 min later, steamy windows
>we're both pretty nervous/excited
>we're both retarded and know jack shit about foreplay, how to warm her up
>she gets on all fours and motions me to go
>shes nervous laughing the entire time, ends up being too tight to get it in
>we say fuck it for now and just keep fooling around
>fast forward a week
>bring her over to my house one day after school
>go up to my room, have no expectations of anything happening because my whole family is home
>she locks door and immediately attacks me, we end up on the floor after like 5 min
>she says fuck the condom [I SHIT YOU NOT]
>Raw dog gf at 16 y/o, last like 45 secs KEK

Anyways, we never used a condom again for the dozens of times we fucked during our ~1 yr relationship because they almost always are too small for me. I still can't believe this shit actually happened

>mfw havent had sex or a gf in about 4 years

>>34430804
>condoms are too small 4 me lol XD

Ca you cunts stop with this fuckin meme, jesus

>>34430858
Dude I'm not joking. That shit cut off circulation after a while. I'd lose my boner and she was not having it, so we never used them

Condoms are retarded anyways if youre not retarded. Just be snart when you pull out.

>>34429086
>>34430569
>not good at getting blow jobs

That's why it's important for guys to practice for girls with each other.
>tfw first 50 bjs were from a friend in 8th grade before I was finally ready to get blown by a girl

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>>34428664
>>tired af but still hyper bec no sleep (IM JUST LIKE THAT FOR SOME REASON)

>>34430900
>Condoms are retarded anyways if youre not retarded. Just be snart when you pull out.

you're still a virgin, aren't you anon, just admit it dude, you're amongst friends here

>>34428664
>bec
kys

>>34430999
Ive had sex somehow at least 25 times, sorry m8

>>34428664
Dear OP

Please terminate your existence.

Thank you.

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All these (you)'s

thanks for the laugh you fucking cucks

>>34430351
I agree, I rather jerk off. It feels better than fucking a warm wet hole.

1/2
>17
>working at first job ushering theaters
>friend from one of my classes works there too
>she's 16, almost 17, brunette, thin, cute body, had a couple boyfriends and lost her virginity already
>we're good friends at the time but never really hung out even though she always asked me if I wanted to
>Almost closing time
>she asks me if I want to come home with her and get drunk/high
>Fuck it, why not
>Get in her car (she had her license but I didn't)
>we banter at each other and say fucked up shit
>get to her house
>her parents aren't home
>she invites me into her room
>she has a whole bunch of shit in her room, pipes, bongs, bubblers, you name it
>I put on the TV and she hands me a beer/blunt
>we're watching Curb together
>She starts putting her head on my stomach
>I'm like "whoa what are you doing"
>"I don't see you stopping me. It's comfy."
>I'm diamonds
>she puts her hand on my dick, just patting me
>"Someone's excited"
>try to ignore it
>"let me help you with that"
>she unzips my pants and goes into my boxers
>I tell her it's not a good idea, she insists
>"why are you fighting me anon you know it feels good"
>I give in, start making out with her while she jerks me off
>I finger her, she giggles
>we stop and just make out for ab 10 min
>She tells me to lie down and gives me head
>lot of tongue, no deepthroating but she went everywhere
>my turn to eat her out
>she shudders a bit and put her hands on the back of my head
>she's talking really dirty now, I'm starting to lose it
>I want to fuck her
>I get up, leave her on the bed
>putting condom on
>she tells me I don't need it, she's on the pill
>say fuck it, believe her
>start going in her
>really sensitive and slow
>get all the way in, she's really tight
>start thrusting
>her tits are small but they still bounce
>pick up the pace
>she's breathing unevenly and slightly moaning

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as follows:
>

>>34429961
>>34430023
Bwahaha fucking kek Anon, you're the man

>>34433184
>she's rubbing her clit and cums
>not an intense orgasm but she smiles and moans as she shakes
>go on for a few minutes
>I'm about to cum
>says she wants it inside her
>she grabs onto my shoulders and wraps her legs around me while kissing me
>I burst inside her
>feelssofuckinggood.gif
>fall onto her bed
>looking at each other and laughing
>she says "you're not bad"
>throw on my t shirt and sweatpants I had from my pre-work clothes bag
>we fall asleep cuddling on her bed
>her parents don't come home that night, we hang out the next day and do stupid shit around town
>still fuck every now and then

>>34430127
7/10 Made me chuckle twice

>>34433203
>>she says "you're not bad"
When did you wake up?

>>34428664

If you had a first time you dont belong here

>>34433292
That took long,
Preach!

>>34433265
Around 8 the next morning

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>>34431102
The bait is strong

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>>34428664
>Be me
>Have gf for about a year
>One year older than me
>Make out a bunch of times but never fug for some reason
>Break up when she goes to college
>Remain friends after
>Fast forward to graduation day my senior year of high school
>She's home for summer break
>We had been texting and she asked me to hang out after school
>Half-day of school for graduation practice
>Go over to her place right after
>She's at the door with a tight black outfit on
>horyshet.jpeg
>Her parents aren't home
>Go to her room
>We're both feeling it
>We start making out
>We get naked
>"Anon, did you bring condoms?"
>sheeeeiiiittttt.png
>Force my slim jeans over my raging hard-on and run to car
>Hornily drive 10 minutes to nearest pharmacy
>Purchase condoms
>Hornily drive back to qts house
>Get naked again
>Put on rubber
>"Anon, it's on backwards"
>fug.bmp
>She cutely giggles as I remove the condom and put the next one on right
>We start fugging
>feelsgoodman.txt
>Phone buzzing repeatedly the whole time
>Ignore it because losing virginity
>Fug for 30 minutes
>Take a break and chill naked in bed while talking about life
>Check phone
>My Chad friend has been calling and texting me the whole time
>"Anon aren't you meeting us for lunch today?"
>Forgot that me and my normie friends were going to get lunch after school to celebrate graduation
>Torn between more fugging and hanging out with bros
>Choose bros ultimately
>qt is cool, she understands
>We cuddle a bit more and then I force my jeans back over my boner and drive 20 minutes to the place
>Tell bros I just lost my virginity
>They're proud
>mfw when I lost my virginity 5 hours before I graduated high school

There is enough bait in this thread for a lifetime supply.

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>>34428664
>end of gym class
>have a massive hard on from playing volleyball with stacies
>cant contain myself
>must release.jpg
>see qt thicc stacy. She's a more quiet one and we are kinda friendly with eachother
>wait for the other girls to enter the locker rooms.
>quickly go behind stacy, grab her by the waist and mouth and take her to the equipment room
>see that she is laughing
> Bitch thinks this is a game
Okey
>unzip boner unvieling my 7" cock
>the smile fades
>pounce on her and slip my dick through her shorts leg slot
>horeyshit.wav
>she winces a little. See a tear in her eye
>pound away like a mongolian savage for 2 mins.
>forgot to pull out
>cum inside her with the force of a hydraulic press
>she cries a bit but not much
>tell her im sorry couldnt help it. Also trell her not to tell anyone
>she just picks her self up and walks away
>oh shit what have i done
>waiting for thr police to come any minute but they never do
>see her next day. Catch her glancing at me from timr to time
>say hi to her and she responds back
>still stays around me for group projects


She never told anyone and now we are good friends

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>>34429888
>I'm catching whiffs of her asshole

>

originalolseosfneddefdfdr

Fuck off normie, no one cares about your fake sex story in a sad attempt to make people jealous