Poop Tales

I one time walked into a bathroom and saw a football sized shit (Not even exaggerating) in the toilet. I dumped water over it until it broke apart. I was known as the Turd Slayer for a while after that

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>>34370302

>be 5
>outside with mommy
>suddenly a need to poop appears
>tell mommy
>mommy is talking to a friend
>tell mommy again
>she ignores me
>get fed up
>shit in the middle of the street.

>Barely ate all week because work is stress
>Eat shit loads over the weekend, indian food, fried chicken, mcdonalds.
>Shat like 4 times at work today, all huge shits.
>It gives me good feels knowing I am getting paid to shit. Fuck work.

>at the bowling alley with some friends
>feel the need to take a piss so go to the restroom
>open up one of the stalls because urinals were occupied
>in the toilet was a giant shit that had to be 14 inches long and as thick as a soda can with a shoelace embeded in it
>literally got my friends into there to see it and they were horrified just like me

>>34370584
>a shoelace

Why did this make me laugh so hard?

>>34370302
Fucking my gf (with a feminine benis) in her boipussy, I cum and pull out as she moans and see some poop on my dick

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>be me
>lying on bed with legs up
>bored just shitposting and listening to music
>do that thing with your butt muscles where you pull a poop in and out
>keep pooping in and out because it feels nice
>suddenly push too hard
>big dookie lands in my pants

>>34370380
>t. Pajeet Kumar

>>34370584
>no pictures
Come on man

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>>34370302
Here ya go, happened a few years ago:
>Be me, kiwi, staying overnight in LA on route to Europe
>late flight the next day so spend the morning looking at the tourist spots
>go some stupid wharf and ugly beach
>go to a massive shopping area
>look at lots of shops, all selling surf gear or junk food, tourists everywhere
>after half an hour I start to get the need to shit
>start looking for a public toilet, but after half and hour can't find one
>starting to get desperate, decide to find a store that has a toilet
>go into a large store that sells home ware and other rubbish
>find toilet block in store, thank you Jesus
>One is used, disabled one is empty, walk in and shut door
>something isn't right
>toilet bowl is covered with plastic, like pic related but no writing or signs
>wtf is this some kind of American toilet?
>no time to think logically as about to shit my pants
>I pull down pants and take a massive runny messy shit all over the plastic
>some shit sprays onto the floor but luckily misses my pants
>the plastic sags into the bowl under the weight of my turds, with some running over the sides of the bowl like polluted streams running down a white mountain
>I sign in relief but my joy is short lived as the stench hits my nostrils
>the entire room is going to stink of rotten shit within the next two minutes
>try to find the button that gets rid of the plastic, there isn't one
>FUCK
>there is no rubbish bin, no way to hide the mess I have made
>no time to waste, I pull my pants up, shut the stall door and leave the store before the smell spreads and someone discovers my mess
>get to airport and fly out
>never went back to that piece of shit city

>>34370819
This happened in middle school before every kid had a cell phone

I'm 29

>>34370783

Nope, I am fucking pale as fuck.
Slavic/Germanic roots.

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>kindergarten
>drop a deuce in small pot like toilet seats
>had to go drop the shit in the toilet after done shitting
>toilet stall was closed so i had nowhere to put it
>drop it in the bath in stead
>the teacher saw me do it
>had to pick up the shit with my hands and put it in the big boy toilet

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>practicing stretching my asshole
>manage to get 4 fingers in
>feel poop in my rectum
>"might as well take care of it"
>grab shit with fingers and pull it out chunk by chunk
>dick gets really hard for some reason
>start smelling my shit while stroking
>squeeze the shit and smear it on self
>the degeneracy pushes me overboard
>massive cumplosion
>post-ejaculation clarity comes through
>I'm covered in poop and cum
>whathaveidone.jpeg

>>34371039
*sniff* *sniff*

Quite exquisite my dear

>>34371039
That's why you really gotta clean yourself out first.

>>34371039
I have sniffed my finger as well after scratching my ass and gotten aroused.

>>34370897
no excuse, should have taken a polaroid.

that shit is priceless man

>>34371893
actually thinking about it the shit was probably about the price of the shoelace

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>>34370688
Holy fuck that was funny, do you really do that with your shit?
>Be me 10
>Going to friends house down the street.
>Feel sick, try to fart.
>Shit my pants walk home with shit streaming down my legs.

>5 or 6 years old
>taking bath with chad brother
>have to poop but too cold to get out of tub
>poop just a little, just enough to let a little out
>in a few seconds, huge chunks floating around tub, coating both me and my brother

>>34370302
>be me
>making nachos in the kitchen
>shit dildoing what i thought was a solid turd
>in and out
>shit starts hitting the floor as im only in my boxers
>start spraying the kitchen tile
>smelled rancid but everyone likes their own brand

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>>34370302
This is a true story
>be about 5
>hear that flies eat shit from my dad
>knew their were flies behind my dads shed
>go over their later
>take a shit
>literally tell my parents I was "feeding the flies"

> Fucking with my boyfriend
> Great foreplay, lubed and rimmed, this dude is great at fucking
> He pounds me hot and harder everytime
> Used poppers so hot rn
> I start moving like a fucking porn star addicted to cock
> When reaching climax I start to feel like farting
> "He won't notice lol"
> Poops his cock and abs
> pleasekillme.jpg
> BF starts to laugh, we cleaned everything and finish
> Swallowed his load in apologize

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>>34372893
holy shit
original comment