Why are you not happy, robots?

suicidal depression from nihilism and tinnitus
fuck you

>>34354292
What has convinced you that nihilism is real?

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I don't know. I think it's cause I'm a creepazoid and that I'm a starving artist. I'm just trying to live doing what I love but it's not good enough. Whenever I do anything wrong I punish myself by cutting myself like a little faggot. I wish I would stop, I'm trying man. Hid all the scissors.

no original gf

>>34354259

Because I constantly get screwed out of everyone that would make me so?

because i'm depressed and tired and lazy and unmotivated and lost and nobody can help me

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>>34354259

Constant existential crisis
Fear of dying
Insecurity
Anxiety

It never ends

>>34354259
In a life situation that is hard to get out of, to simplify it. The only way out is made harder by the situation, and it cascades in this way.

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>>34354318
it is impossible to put into words

in a sense its the realisation that existence itself is an amalgamate of the senses for biological processes rather than a window to objective reality, and thus any meaning is also a social and biological construct

again, i've tried and tried again to explain and its fucking impossible; id rather just alienate myself from the world at large then bother. which i do.

>>34354318
i am not convinced that nihilism is truth but it's essentially the default stance when nothing else seems true.

what do you believe in and what convinced you that it is real?

(i'm not the guy you were responding to but close enough)

because she says that she loves me, but i know she doesn't

i do love her so much though

BECAUSE I NEED TO FINISH MY H-GAME IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AND GET THOSE SWEET NEET BUX VIA PATREON OR IM GOING TO RUN OUT OF MONEY AND BE HOMELESS AND DIE

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I don't know what I want to be. I'm not sure why I'm even in uni other than to please my family. Part of me wants to be in the technology/IT field but another part of me wants to be in the music scene. Hell I spend 75% of my time on the latter and 25% on the former. As a result, my GPA is shit but I have some people I jam with regularly.

My thinking is I'll graduate and then get into the music scene. It sounds retarded and wasteful of my business degree but honestly I can't see myself in an office all day. I'm working towards some Cisco certs just in case those plans foil.

I'm not meant to work a 9-5 office job. I'm just not.

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>>34354259
>Why are you not happy, robots?
Because I don't have a gf, so I can't get sex, so I'm stuck on the bottom rung of Maslow's hierarchy.

Also because my genetics are shit, so I'm in a rigged game I never had a chance to win at from the start and yet society expects me to slave away for their gain while giving my nothing but hatred in return because I'm not Chad.

>>34354259

Because I have a defective brain that doesn't produce enough of the neurotransmitters necessary to make me feel that kind of emotion.

And before you say "try anti-depressants or therapy," I did, for ten years. I saw so many fucking psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, etc. and not a single one of them gave me any worthwhile help.

It always felt they were gaining more from talking to me than I did from talking to them. And I don't mean in terms of money. I mean like several psychologists have told me that after getting to know me, they started looking at the world in a way they never considered, started understanding people in a way they had never thought possible. Somehow, I ended up being the person that gave them their magical breakthroughs, but all I ever got out of it was a hollow feeling of emptiness.

The anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, anti-anxiety medications didn't do jack fucking shit. They didn't make me feel better, they just made me numb, gave me weird physical side effects, and permanently impaired my ability to focus and retain short-term information.

I've been off anti-depressants for a year now and notice absolutely no fucking difference in my day-to-day feelings, although my head is feeling a hell of a lot clearer.

I feel like I've been abandoned by God.

I've locked myself away in my own head. It's gotten quite musky in here, and no one is willing to come join me anymore. I guess I should be willing to get out for a change, but reality is cold and depressing. It's the only warmth I can seem to hold onto: the innards of my head.

>>34355687
>I ended up being the person that gave them their magical breakthroughs
What kind of 'breakthroughs' do you mean? Did you turn all your psychs into depressed nihhilists or something?

>>34355716

It's more like I was the guinea pig in their lab experiments that finally gave them the test results they were looking for.

One of them thought that people like me were absolutely hopeless, although she never admitted this to me until after I was about to stop seeing her. She told me how impressed she was that someone who lived feeling as miserable as I do somehow managed to thrive and persevere. Supposedly I was a testament to the strength of human willpower, but it all sounded like sentimental bullshit to me.

I hate people who romanticize mental illness.

>>34354259
Because I've been wanting sex and a gf since I as 11 and have not gotten one in 17 years

>>34355751
Oh, I see. That's not a good ending at all then, I was hoping your intense depression was strong enough to drag down the normies around you and ruin their lives or something. I'm just feeling pretty spiteful today I guess.

I lost my job back in September, and I cant find a new one to save my life.

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no gf.

really.

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Insecurity about ugliness has destroyed my life

>>34354292
>nothing matters why live

Underage FAGGOT detected. Get off my board

>>34354259
I never had a threesome

>>34355687
Have you tried tianeptine?

It's an unusual, fast acting anti-depressant, you might want to try it if you haven't. It has a different mechanism of action than standard anti-depressants, so it might work where others haven't.

The catch to it is that it is also short-acting, and can give you pretty bad withdrawel effects, if you aren't careful. But, I'd recommend trying it out.

>>34354259
Major Depressive Disorder and GAD
Also I'm a useless dumb motherfucker who can't even do basic arithmetic

>>34355687
>>34355751
how old are you now, anonymous?

>>34354259
I'm not as unhappy as I was 5 months ago when full blown depression was at its greatest but I still have this lingering feeling that if I stop improving myself it might get a hold of me again. This I think is due to overthinking things. Overanalyzing things that I should just quickly discard. Its as if it were a mental ocd with thoughts. However I'm content with my amazing progress I've made since september but as of the last couple of days I've been feeling a bit shaky, hence why I'm venting here. I kinda feel a bit stressed from school I guess which is kinda making me think a lot of my future and my grades. other than that the gym has saved me from myself and from taking anti depressants. Can't thank it enough.

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no car
no job
no friends
no money
no drugs
no sleep

college classes that I don't even know why im taking
many people know some of these feels but very few know all of them at once

>>34355751
>>34355687
It seems you have your life in order in terms of money and maybe accomplishments yet still unhappy. That sucks man. I'm about to graduate soon with an engineering degree yet even with all the struggles I had to go through to get to this point I hope I can be happy with what I make of it.

Western culture has absolutely gone to shit.
The last couple of days have really driven it home for me.

The values I believe in are dead.

Most women my age are unpleasant, for various reasons.
Even if I found a nice girl, I'd be very hesitant to have children, I'm not sure this society is one I'd want to raise them in.

I can't think of the last time I enjoyed anything.
I'm tired all the time.
I have no real hope for the future.

>>34356284
You're right. Kys moralfag. For great justice.

>>34356307
And I'm constantly surrounded by retards like this cunt.

>>34356320
Hey bro don't be so sensitive. You're the retarded cunt who can't cope with life. I was just giving you an escape root. Kys moralfag, it's the only way to find happiness.

You'll get to be with Jesus and shit you'll love it.

>>34354259

Because traps, trannies and gays are polluting my board and spreading their cancer around.

>>34356346
Why are you calling me a moralfag?
Because I would like a nice society that isn't in the middle of some stupid culture war to raise my children in?

I'm not religious either.

>>34356377
Whoops you're right
>The values I believe in are dead
>valuefag
The problem with "valuefag" is it sounds like you're a cheap gayman.
>pound my boipucci for cheap!
>I'm the valuefag!
I guess if you prefer valuefag over moralfag I'll call it it. It's really at your discretion valuefag!

>>34356104

Can't say that I have, but I'm not particularly interested in psychoactive substances anymore. All they do is fuck me up even more and fix absolutely none of my problems.


>>34356144

I'm 23 now, been going through this hell since I hit puberty.

You were probably expecting someone a lot older, am I right?

>>34356280

Eh, I guess I'm accomplished. Graduated college with a 4.0 GPA, work for Kikebook and make decent bank, boss recently offered me a promotion.

None of it means anything to me though. I was just as happy being a NEET basement dweller and living off of my parents.

I think the happiest I felt was when I got my federal student loans forgiven and got like $10,000 refunded back to me that I'd been paying over the course of 5 years. Mostly I was just happy about not having to constantly remember when my next payment was due.

I hope you can find your happiness, anon, I envy the people that can glide through life, enjoying the ride for what it is.

>>34356207
Do you want or need a feel good phone call, anon?

>>34356442
>I guess if you prefer valuefag over moralfag I'll call it it. It's really at your discretion valuefag!

Why the fuck are either of those a bad thing?

>>34354358
I orgy-nally feel you man

>>34354259

I should have spent my life building strong relationships but didn't, so now I feel lonely and unfulfilled.

As far as I understand neuroscience this is a strictly accurate view of why I'm not happy, not an opinion.

>>34356473
Nothing wrong with it just keep it to your self, valuefag. This is no place for your whiny traditionalist sanctimony.

>>34356449
>I hope you can find your happiness, anon, I envy the people that can glide through life, enjoying the ride for what it is.
why do you feel that you can't? do you really believe that it all comes down to neurotransmitters or do you think that the way you think might have an effect on your ability to feel good about life?

>>34354259
29 year old virgin manlet. Good job and decent amount of money, still depressed

No one is, originally.

my life feels empty
failing IT classes at university
don't know what to do

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Because I'm distracted by the people who've genuinely made their careers successful doing what they love, while I wallow in loneliness being an untalented beta male.

I fucking hate this. I hate the fact that I refuge here at all. I actually had the choice to surround myself with endlessly hilarious and whimsical people everyday, but I lost them because I was such an arrogant little autist and was perpetually offended by everything.

Right now, I'm trying to pick the pieces back up and begin talking to my old friends again. They've more than likely gone through the years gaining more life and social experience than I ever could being locked up here in this room and I don't know how I can approach them at all; not that I ever really could without looking like a sperg.

I want to know what it feels like to actually be a human being and have a social life. Maybe along the way, I could garner some talent of my own, but its getting harder each day to continually have to race against the all time that I lost.

>>34356641
He's asking why, you cuck.

>>34354259
Because I'm afraid that if I decide to be happy with how my life is not, I'll never want to improve it.

I choose not to be happy.

>>34356857
thats the most autistic thing I've ever read in my life

>>34356865
Do you disagree? Should I choose to be happy living on the computer all of my life, being lonely and not working towards anything decent?

I was okay with it from age 15-18 so I dropped out of highschool because I could be happy playing gmod all day. I make myself unhappy with my life and it's improving slowly every day.

Depressed that I'm really ugly and weird, hate my own existence

One of these days I'll end it

>>34356449
>works for facebook
>calls it kikebook
fuckin a man. fuckin a.

>>34356917
>not doing something awesome under a pseduonym and a mask
do something cool anon

>>34356620

>why do you think you can't?

Mostly my own life experiences. Accomplishing things that would make other people feel proud and happy for themselves had absolutely no emotional effect on me, had the same emotional impact as shopping for groceries.

I'm absolutely incapable of emotional intimacy and even with friends that I've known for 10+ years, I always keep a small emotional barrier up. One of my friends commented on this and said that even after all this time, I still feel like an enigma to her. "Mysterious", as she put it.

I'm someone who is incredibly hard to inspire or please. Not because I don't appreciate the good things in my life, but because there just isn't any emotional connection to it. The sentimental things that give other people good feels are just "things" to me. They're there, they exist, but have no special emotional or sentimental meaning to me. I want to be happy about things, but just don't have the capacity for it. Not to say that I'm miserable all the time, 99% of the time I'm just bored or sleepy.

>do you really believe that it all comes down to neurotransmitters or do you think that the way you think might have an effect on your ability to feel good about life?

It's a chicken-or-egg type of thing. I've been living with depression for so long that I can't remember if my negative outlook on life was formed by my depression, or if my depression came about as a result of my negative outlook on life. Depression does that to you, makes you forget things about yourself.

I'd be willing to wager it's a bit of both. Maybe I was always slightly negative, but my depression pushed me over into the abyss. Or maybe my years of depression have simply eroded away the good parts of me and left only the negative thoughts.


>>34356939

Facebook work culture is absolutely saturated in memes and irony, you might be surprised to find out that all of my co-workers also frequent 4chan.

>>34357263
Hey man, why did you need loan forgiveness as a facebook dev? did you somehow go like 150k deep for your undergrad?

>>34357290

Nah, the college I graduated from got shut down like a year after I graduated because it was using predatory/false advertising.

As a result, I qualified to have my loans forgiven because the government wanted to cover its ass and avoid more lawsuits.

It's not like I wouldn't have been able to pay off my loans anyways, but who would pass up the opportunity to have $10,000+ of debt instantly forgiven? And I get to keep my diploma too, hot dog.

I might as well have gone to college for free.

>>34357373
ah i understand, i was under the impression that you couldn't pay them off.

if you actually work for facebook (i'm sure you can understand my suspicions, this is r9k afterall), how could i tailor my resume to try to do the same? (graduating soon in CompE)

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I'm lonely with constant feelings of inadequacy. I have no motivation for anything anymore, I haven't finished a book or video game for years.

>>34357263
>I'm absolutely incapable of emotional intimacy and even with friends that I've known for 10+ years, I always keep a small emotional barrier up. One of my friends commented on this and said that even after all this time, I still feel like an enigma to her. "Mysterious", as she put it.
you are being open about your emotional state right now (though i kind of sense that these answers are a bit polished or pre-recorded, probably from being repeated to various therapists over time?). have you ever tried to explain these things to your friends?

are you aware of why you keep the emotional barriers up and do you think there's anything that would allow you to be capable of pulling them down? do you prefer the mysterious persona? do you fear rejection? do you feel that people are not worthy of knowing you so intimately?

>I want to be happy about things, but just don't have the capacity for it.
is it possible that this emotional barrier is also something that stands between you and your own emotional capacity or have you never felt excited, pleased, or fulfilled by anything, even as a child?

>I'd be willing to wager it's a bit of both.
i'm sure this is true.

>makes you forget things about yourself.
very true but do you ever remember being happy? how would you describe yourself when you were young?

>eroded away the good parts of me
what were the good parts?

>>34357395

In general, you'll want to become familiar with Mac OS Sierra, and Windows 7 through 10. Every tech position will make use of all those environments in one form or another.

If you end up doing dev shit, you'll want to add CentOS Linux to that list.

If you want to become a software engineer, you'll probably end up doing a lot of shit involving smart phones as well, so become very familiar with Android software environments.

Overall though, you just need to seem like you're competent enough to learn more. We don't exactly expect you to come into the industry knowing every single thing, a lot of shit will be taught to you on the job, and you are encouraged to ask questions often, to the point of annoying your co-workers. It's a very open environment that is very forgiving of mistakes, although we expect you to learn from those mistakes and not repeat them.

One of our company mottos is literally "Move fast and break things"

Other than that general advice, I couldn't tell you what exactly to put down, it depends on the position you're applying for. Generally you'll want to include keywords in your resume that pertain to the job opening. If the job opening asks that you be familiar with C++, then mention that you are familiar with C++, or at least have some kind of coding background. Stuff like that.

>>34357511
>have you ever tried to explain these things to your friends?

I've tried to explain myself to most of them, some of them kinda understood, some of them didn't. The ones that understood either also had depression themselves or had had it at some point. It's one of those things that is just hard for the average person to understand without having experienced it themselves.

At the very least, I try to make it known that it's nothing personal against them, and not even intentional for the most part. I still appreciate their company and their time.

>is it possible that this emotional barrier is also something that stands between you and your own emotional capacity

Oh I don't doubt it. I think at one point I put up the emotional barrier to protect myself from trauma in my childhood, but at some point I forgot how to take the barrier down, and it went from a conscious effort to a subconscious force. I locked myself inside a cage and forgot where I put the key, essentially.

>have you never felt excited, pleased, or fulfilled by anything, even as a child?

I remember being a very happy child, especially in my early youth. I had a very active and upbeat childhood, made lots of friends, and could walk up and talk to strangers like it was nothing. Pretty much the opposite of how I am nowadays.

>do you ever remember being happy? how would you describe yourself when you were young?

Everything was magical and new and exciting, everything held special meaning and even the smallest things held some deeper meaning to me. I was innocent and the world was beautiful. I was almost like /r9k/'s stereotype of a Chad as a kid. I was outgoing and precocious, wanted to be friends with everyone, had no enemies or bullies, and fit in anywhere. I lost touch with that innocence somewhere along the way.

>what were the good parts?

I used to be outgoing and sociable, actually enjoyed being around people. I felt things, like love. Now I don't feel anything.

>>34357668
>I still appreciate their company and their time.
do you think you could ever get into a relationship and is it something you even want?

>but at some point I forgot how to take the barrier down, and it went from a conscious effort to a subconscious force. I locked myself inside a cage and forgot where I put the key, essentially.
do you know when this happened? do you think that the medication may have been related to this or do you think this happened before you started taking antidepressants?

by the way, my strange little interview here stems from the fact that i can directly relate to some of the things that you're talking about, except that you ostensibly achieved success in life and i achieved complete failure. i'm curious what kept you going throughout all of this. have you ever had suicidal thoughts or is the numbness and apathy protective in that sense?

>Pretty much the opposite of how I am nowadays.
do you know why it all started to change? was it a result of the emotional trauma that you mentioned above? you said puberty was when it happened. was it related to social issues?

>the world was beautiful.
do you still believe that the world is beautiful but that you simply can't get in touch with it on an emotional level or do you think beauty is for children and people with their heads in the sand?

>abandoned by god
you mentioned this earlier. was this a figure of speech or do you actually believe in god? if not now, did you ever?

>>34354259

I should be happy. I've dragged myself out of constantly being depressed, and achieve a few thing lately, but I still feel like shit...

I have a;
Job
Car
Place to live (it's not ideal, but it's safe)

I can afford to entertain myself with hobbies and stuff, but I am so isolated. I feel like an outsider everywhere I go. Other people in their 30's have their shit together, but not me. Most people have;
Started a family
A home
A close group of friends
A partner that cares about them

I guess when I think about it. All of that stuff would just stress me out. It's probably something I think I want, but would hate it if I had it.

>>34354259
deppresion from times to times
shit college grades always late and i never study but i can still pass
bad body
shitty style
no gf
socialy autistic

>>34354259
Chronic pain, bad nasal obstruction, poor social situation, and long history of mental problems.

>>34354259
I tried to improve my character but I failed
I had a taste of what it was like to be someone else

>>34357906

>>34357906

>do you think you could ever get into a relationship and is it something you even want?

I've been in a couple relationships in the past that never lasted more than a couple months. Romantic interactions are one of the few things that have brought me some small amount happiness, but unfortunately my partners underestimated the kind of impact depression would have on my life (and by extension, theirs) and they didn't want to be part of that.

Once they realized that my emotional shutting down was not a one-off occurrence but a natural cycle, they noped right the fuck out of there. This was despite the fact that I was upfront and honest about my depression from the very beginning, they simply didn't understand what that entailed.

>do you know when this happened?
There were a lot of things that happened and contributed towards it, but no single event. My mom getting into a string of relationships with abusive boyfriends, and me witnessing all of the yelling and screaming was traumatizing as a child. Losing one of my closest friends after they moved far away without saying anything put me face to face with my first real feeling of loss when I was only 6 or 7 years old, and while it didn't completely derail my optimism, it was the first domino in a long chain reaction that led me to where I am. Lots of other things that would take an entire book to summarize also happened.

>i'm curious what kept you going throughout all of this

Spite, mostly. I feel like if I give up, then the universe/my depression wins. I refuse to give in, purely for that reason.

>have you ever had suicidal thoughts or is the numbness and apathy protective in that sense?

I've had suicidal thoughts throughout my entire 10 years of depression. They're a comforting thought, knowing that at any moment I could end it all with the push of a button (or pull of a trigger) and all of my problems will go away.

(continued)

>>34358211

But I'm saving that option as a last resort for if/when my life irreversibly hits the shitter and there is objectively no hope for the future.

The apathy and numbness definitely shield me from the worst of my depression, but it also keeps me from becoming a fully functioning person. Apathy is like a straight-jacket for emotions, it restrains everything, good and bad.

>do you know why it all started to change?
Not really. From my perspective, it all changed so slowly and gradually that I didn't realize how deep in I was until it was too late. Before I had hit puberty, I was able to roll with the punches that life threw me just fine.

>was it a result of the emotional trauma that you mentioned above? you said puberty was when it happened. was it related to social issues?

It's possible, but I feel like the emotional trauma was just one piece of the puzzle, and not the main cause. The hormones of puberty kind of scrambled my brain and threw my mental stability out the window. There were no social issues before the depression, and the social issues that I have now are mostly stemming from self-imposed isolation. At least, it used to be self-imposed. I've been reclusive and avoidant for so long that I simply don't know how to interact with people anymore. Going back to that analogy of locking myself in a cage and forgetting where I put the key. It used to be a conscious effort, but now it's automatic.

(continued)

>>34354259
life is just fucking difficult. I have no one to talk to because I feel like I'm always bothering them. No job, never worked a day in my life. Living off NEETbux and on a steady prescription of anti depressants and sleeping tablets. Stay inside all day while I watch everyone else graduate college and have a nice life

>>34358226

(continued)

>do you still believe that the world is beautiful

I still think the world is beautiful, but it's not the same kind of beautiful that I thought it was when I was a kid. My childish notion of beauty was being able to see the magic and wonder of everything. My concept of beauty nowadays is more along the lines of a beautiful sadness. It's a subtle beauty that haunts you and stabs at your heart. Reality is painful, but that pain can make beautiful things happen. It's simultaneously tragic and amazing.

>was this a figure of speech or do you actually believe in god? if not now, did you ever?
I was raised Christian up until I was about 9 years old, at which point I stopped believing in God, the Easter Bunny, Santa, etc. I'm an atheist now, but I still use a lot of religious metaphors and analogies in my speech. Old habits die hard.

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I like this thread. Really cosy sad feels we got here guys.

I'm not really depressed, life just lacks meaning to me. I have literally nothing that matters to me that is achievable within a lifetime that I want - all the things I want are essentially impossible.

The only way i'd be truly happy is living in a different universe - No matter how much I try, it's still the same shit - in the end it doesn't matter - I've gone through countless hours trying to figure out the point, but apart from become a hedonist and just be "happy" (drugged up and basically ignorant)I don't find it possible. I'd rather die unhappy than be a hedonist.

My problems with life stem from other people for the most part - as I really don't desire much in life apart from having a sense of being worth something to others.

Since I don't really "need" anything the only things I can look to is helping others avoid feeling like shit - but in the end, the road always leads to a near-permanent existance crisis.

It doesn't matter even if we lived in a literal paradise, there's still no point to it. That's great, for those that don't really 'need' a meaning - but for me, it's crushingly sad.

I want to make this world a better place, but yet there is no point to it when you realise the fact no matter what, at the end of the road leads either permanent hedonism with no growth, or endless suffering to get a better self/world/so on.

In the end, no matter how much I try, I will still feel "broken", by existance itself - existance itself is disgusting to me - It's quite literally a prison where the way to grow as a person is to suffer - Quite literally nothing improves without pain of some sort, or time (waiting endlessly for things that won't happen) - Time being arguably worse as you're stuck there literally waiting while having NOTHING to do.

These are just my thoughts.

As someone who has literally nothing to live for except the faint hope of the future, and through endless pain and work, just get more of the same - FUCK EXISTANCE

>>34354259
Because I'm not getting my dick sucked on the daily

>>34358389
Adding to my points:

I don't even want a GF, money, or ANYTHING except the world being less shit overall, and finding out why we exist in this prison called life.

I literally do not care about anything except the faint hope that one day people can stop killing each other and putting down people - and work towards a better goal. But even then, in the end it doesn't even matter.

>>34354259
I do not even care if I am happy or not.
Besides, happy people are mostly dumb.

>>34358435
This, in all honesty - happiness is worthless in life - The only way you can be happy living in this universe is if you're either: A: Ignorant as fuck B: Brainwash yourself to br happy, either by believing in something or altering your thought patterns, and so on C: Full hedonism and you don't care about having meaning.

>>34358505
>C: Full hedonism and you don't care about having meaning.


That's the correct answer
Happiness is the meaning itself. And also sadness. And feelings in general.
The only point of this life is to experience the full range of sensations you can only experience because you're alive. The point and the meaning of life is to get to experience what being alive feels like, in all of its facets
So be glad you're alive during a time where some great drugs are available mate

>>34358389
An addition to anyone who suggests any of these things:

"Just think happy and change your mindset"
That's just bullshitting yourself about reality.
"Therapy/Medication"
Same shit as just thinking happy, just chemical lobotomy - also, doesn't even work. Been to over 40 the-rapists/physcs/exc in my life, and they did nothing but emotional ploys and brainwash tactics to make yourself feel better when the world is still just as shot as ever
"Hedonism, why not?"
Tried it, doesn't make me happy as it lacks meaning.
"Religion"
I've tried to come up with my own framework for understanding this shithole we live in, and good luck with that - There ain't no logic in religion - basically just another brainwash yourself to feel happy thing.

There's one thing I used to enjoy, which was video games. That got ruined, my little "escape" from reality. Now all I have to think about this depressing shit.

>>34358549
>the world is still just as shot as ever


The world is as terrible and your perception of it breh
It's completely relative

>no ambitions
>no Wille zur Macht
>no bf
>no sex
>anxiety
>depressive mood swings
>meds stopped working
>no active social life
>binge eat and get fat
>get fat and binge eat

It should be it

>>34358535
Pretty much, lol.
I do agree here, for 99% of people that's the logical path to take - happiness as a meaning - but quite literally I have tried that, and been "temporarily happy"until i just went into another existiensial crisid - Quite literally I don't want to be happy as a meaning as happiness doesnt make me happy in a weird sense.

>>34358569
As I said, if you look at the universe objectively - it's shit. You can bs yourself to think otherwise, but eventually you'll just go back to realising the truth - n o t h i n g m a t t e r s -

>>34358583
And this is for me specifically, also to keep in mind - we all desire different things here on this planet. For some, it's already paradise (very small amount) -for others, it's unlivable. You're right, it is subjective in that way.

>>34358599
I'm just too fucking autiatic for this planet I guess is the way of putting it - If life doesn't have a point and it's provable -which it isn't yet but damn close to looking like that way - I'd immediately kms - i can't "get rid" of caring about meaning, oh trust me I've tried.

>>34358625
Then you're placing all your bets on a crippled horse becausr life definitely has no inherent meaning mate
At beast you can fabricate one for yourself
Try to build a charity to bring education for children in violent nations or something

>>34354385

nihilism doesn't necessarily correlate with sadness. you're using it as a mask for your real problems.

look within yourself and you'll find the actual reasons why you're miserable. it's not "nihilism", it's not "meaninglessness", it's probably something far more grounded and universal like "I want friends" or "I miss my ex-girlfriend". stop deluding yourself into false depressions.

>>34358583
Are you kidding
The universe is fucking amazing
Just think, all this vast physical chemical crazy looking craziness going on inside of it
And we're one of the VERY few creatures in all of it capable of appreciating it, even if for just a meaningless amount of time and in a really shallow way

>>34358625
Can't even spell -yeah my posts speak for themselves im outta here - I honestly hate people pushing "happiness" anyways - doesnt matter how much your smiling when in the end, you die, everything doesnt matter

>>34358574
>I have tried that, and been "temporarily happy"until i just went into another existiensial crisid


That's okay, the existential crisis are also part of it
Then you rinse and repeat
The crisis will bring some freshness and make the old feel new

>>34358683
Of course it matters
It matters for as long as you're alive
Who cares if you'll die? Dying doesn't matter. Whatever happens after won't matter. Everything that happened to you before you died mattered tho

>>34358648
One more post before I go -been there, tried that. It worked, for a time - but it'll *never* go away that deep down i know nothing matters. And as in my earlier posts, the more you work towards something the more you suffer. And that suffering is literally for nothing in the end.

>>34358674
The whole 0.000 repeating zeros 1% chance of life and the whole amazing reaction things -yeah. It's pretty cool I guess -until you realise it doesn't matter because existance itself is pointless. The more you appreciate it, the less it matters.

It's one of my curses. I guess. Quite literally after a small amount of time I lose all enjoyment for whatever I was interested in, permanently - as again it doesnt matter its an escape from the reality.

Anyways I'm just shitting up the thread at this point with negativity -so i'll stop.

Just wanted to reply to the leftovers, bad habit of mine.

>>34358745
>It's pretty cool I guess -until you realise it doesn't matter because existance itself is pointless

The point of existence is existence itself
It's a cool thing that you get to do until you can't do it anymore
The point being itself is as ingrained within me as it being pointless in ingrained within you I guess

Best wishes to all you faggots who haven't opened the pandoras box of curiosity - because once you have, you're going to be full crisis - life is just a series of suffering - knowing that, it's impossible to enjoy it.

>>34358571

The one thing you can do right now is stop eating so much.

>>34358211
>>34358226
>>34358246
sorry if i made you feel like a guinea pig again. i don't know what to say without seeming weird so i'll say that i appreciated your responses and i wish i could continue talking to you but i'm sure that we don't have anything in common since you're clearly a better person than i am. (ha i tried not to be weird but i'm too tired right now, have been on my own too long and am too used to being negative to be anything other than awkward when trying to be complimentary.)

anyway, you seem cool. i hope you don't hit that last resort option any time soon. i hope you can find a way to expand on that ability to feel happiness. good night.

Can basically be summed up as, no gf, no job, no clue what to do with my future...

>>34358800
But then there would be nothing that brings him pleasure in life
It might be momentary, toxic pleasure but it's all some people have

>>34358800
as >>34358829 said...Food is the only thing that makes me feel comfy and good

>>34359016
Such is life man. We derive pleasure from things that destroy us.

But have you tried realising that this is a serious health problem and look for other forms of pleasure.

>>34354358
pretty much every person is like this

Because the Virgin broadband motherfuckers haven't appeared yet so I'm housebound until they do

>>34359032
>We derive pleasure from things that destroy us.


We're all headed for destruction anyway

>>34359060

As cliche and as normie as it sounds, it really doesn't have to be that way, I guess.

>>34359032
>look for other forms of pleasure
like what? nothing gives me pleasure anymore.

>>34359085
It most definitely does though, we're all going to die

Because my existence is a pointless loop of pointless tasks

I'm afraid to work toward anything I want in life because if I achieve it I'll have nothing else to live for

I have an interview for the summer internship I've always wanted in a couple weeks, and I'm worried if I get it there won't be enough "unfinished business" to keep me from killing myself

>>34359127

Can't argue with you there anon.

>>34359126

Sorry to hear about that anon. I can't help you and I won't pretend to know I know how to help you. I wish you well

girls wont look me in the fucking eye when i talk to them

like what's so fucking wrong with me

>>34355687
>Somehow, I ended up being the person that gave them their magical breakthroughs, but all I ever got out of it was a hollow feeling of emptiness.

Dude... They say that shit to everyone. It's supposed to make you feel you're important and have a positive impact on other people, which matters to normalfags. Of course it doesn't work because your autism is too advanced.

>tfw you realize you are happy and dont care about all the things you used to worry about

>>34355590
>sex

*loud frog noise*

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>>34354259
That feel, when no GF
It's a nasty feel.

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>>34359431

Same here anon. I feel so fucking enlightened. Like nothing in this world cannot pull me down. I finally stop worrying and despairing over no gf. I no longer care about not feeling alone. Because I know you guys exist man. Even if half of you are absolute asshole, at least some of you can relate and emphatise with me. And for that, I thank you fellow anons.

>>34354259
My emotions are bullying me.

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>>34358780
>It's a cool thing

I wonder how many millions of dead deceased sentient beings would agree with you. Not many is my guess.