/cripplingdepression/ general

pretty shitty honestly

I've just been drinking too much and thinking about the rest of my life. I need a change somewhere and I don't know how to do it. I don't know what I want I just know I don't want what I have

depressing day for me as well. I just spent the whole day listening to loud music, playing overwatch, and being sad and lonely

Well at least I'm not tripfagging

>>34348615
What do you think needs changing? Specifically?

>>34348644
im gay as hell

>>34348641
Same, but with MST3K and dota

Skeleton, be my black metal boyfriend. We can get drunk every day and play video games together.

>>34348683
Sounds rad, r u a qt and nice?

>>34348719
I'm nice, but I'm not a qt and years of alcoholism has left me overweight.

>>34348799
thats okay, im a bit chubby too, we can work out together :3

>>34348581
>I love that being depressed is like a badge of honor now, fucking funny shit.
>Most people on this sight are not depressed but they say they are.
>You will hate me for telling the truth, fuck you all fags.
>Also lift some you lazy fat cunts. >>34348799

>>34348860
you're much bitter-er than any of us are

>>34348860
>>34348859

I used to run and work out 4 times a week but I gave up on life long ago.

>tfw i realised that at the end of jan, it will have been 4 months since i fell into this deep depression

its strange because nothing has happened in my life, but its incredible how quickly those 4 months have gone. i remember the weekend i woke up wanting to die and the feeling hasn't left since.

not sure how it makes me feel.

>>34348905
exercise can help depression, although im a huge hypocrite and dont do it :/
ever thought about doing it again?

>>34348949
So nothing particularly made you feel that way? It just happened?

Feeling like shit. Ive had the flu for the past 4 days and spent all of Friday and thursday laying in bed and sleeping

>>34349067
god the flu sucks, i hope you feel better soon <3

>>34348956
Yeah, I think about it once in a while, but it's a huge pain in the ass. The treadmill isn't set up anymore, and I don't want to run outside because it's cold. My family also moved our bench and ghetto squat rack out to the garage and turned the room they were in into a guest bedroom.

I'm too lazy.

>>34349060

it was probably an ongoing thing, but it was the first weekend of october where i lost my appetite and just felt overwhelmingly sad and its been that way ever since

i'm not sure how to put into words how i feel about it. it just doesn't feel like it's been that long.

>>34348859
>:3
Fucking kill yourself you fucking autistic spergfaggot

>>34349136
marry me

>>34349119
does anyone in your life know how y ou're feeling? Have you sought out any help?

>>34349107
Understandable desu :/

>>34349216

yeah i've been seeing a therapist that i was seeing a few years back. haven't seen her since december due to christmas, but i'm going back next month

i've done a lot of introspection and i've got a lot of problems i need to work out. most of them are subconscious problems that affected my life without me realising it. so now i'm aware, hopefully i can make progress

>>34348581
Things are going great here, skelly. Waiting to board a plane for Europa atm.

How's life?

>>34349293
Im glad you have a plan <3
I hope it goes well for you

>>34349347
Eh, its life. Hope it gets better soonish

>>34349401
You figured out a way to apply your degree yet? Anything in particular got you down? I've just been numbing my mind with cheap whiskey finally got used to drinking it straight not sure of I should be proud or sad and random shows and movies.

>>34348581
im doing about the same op, only sleep 3-4 hours a day due to ptsd nightmares , just have no will to live , spend 10+ hours just laying in bed hoping that my ex will realize how fuck she made me by what she did.

>>34349446
MIght try to apply for library jobs and get a degree in that eventually, but idk ive been kinda just mind numbingly tired recently

>>34349500
You need therapy my dude, or meds
thats really fucking rough:(

>>34348641
I too often spend whole days just playing loud music and Overwatch while being sad.
Keep up the fight senpai

I'm not even good at the game.

>>34349702
You'll figure something out; we all will. I gtg cause we're boarding and I'm not too keen in spending money to shitpost in the air, lol.

Good luck to everyone.

>>34349885
You too, have fun be safe <3

I got myself off the couch for the first time in three days so that's good, aside from that pretty standard. I think zoloft is draining my energy more than usual. If I don't take a stimulant with it I end up doing even less than usual, but I don't think about killing myself constantly anymore. I just wish it didn't make me so exhausted.

>>34348581

Pretty bad. School has me very busy, wasting my parents money preparing for a highly competitive field that I don't even want.

I'd do something else, but I literally don't know what. I have no goals, no girlfriend, no job experience or anything to fall back on, nothing to live for really. I just went to college because it was the path of least resistance - it's what all my friends were doing and what was expected of me too.

Don't have the balls to ctb, but I've thought about it for pretty much my whole life. I'm just constantly miserable, and each year it gets worse in new and unexpected ways.

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>>34349877
>this was your fate anon

But on a serious note I'm at the point not even vidya interests me in the slightest now, nothing does. 2016 went by in what seems like a few months to me.

It's like time is speeding up while my perception of it slows down and meanwhile my life stays empty and hollow of drive or purpose just as it always was.

I don't know how much longer I'm going to make it lads, I'm 26 and at the end of my rope. Let us weep for our dead futures together.

>>34349951
Try a different medicine?

>>34350031
Trade school maybe, that stuff pays well. Have you tried therapy at all?

>>34349951
I know that feel. I take seroquel, I sleep a minimum of 10 hours a day, usually 12. I always wake up so fucking tired, even less energy than when I was taking 5 benzos every day.

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>>34350077
Holy shit Lord KEK is among us PRAISE

Another eight hour shift at McDonalds.

Holy fuck I spend all my freetime fucking jerking off on /r9k/ circlejerks and feeling fucked please send help.

>>34350318
Get off r9k this place is b ad for you

pretty bad, haven't taken a shower in 2 days and went full spaguetti texting a girl I like. And i'm gaining weight again. fml.

>>34350342
I can second this. My life improves noticeably whenever I stop coming to /r9k/.

Pretty shit. My neeting days could all come crashing down soon, or that's what it feels like at least. I thought 2017 would be different

>>34348581
Been feeling pretty shit these last few days. Found out my grandpa has leukemia. He was pretty much the only person I ever had a bond with. I was already feeling pretty shitty before that.

It's weird because for awhile now I had kind of stopped being depressed. Feels like it's coming back now. Not some kind of intense sadness though, just this melancholy that hangs over me constantly.

I also need to find a job that isn't extremely demanding and will give me the money to live in an apartment.

>>34350090
If it keeps affecting me this way I definitely plan on it, my next psych appt isn't till the 9th so I'm gonna stay on it till then. I only started about two weeks ago so I might still be in the "shitty side effect" phase.
If my energy levels don't perk up zoloft definitely isn't for me, a huge reason I'm seeking treatment in the first place is because of how lethargic my depression makes me. I know it's the zoloft because I used to have a passable amount of energy when I'd just take my stims, but ever since taking zoloft I just want to nap all day and I can't focus the same way I used to even when I take both. I've heard wellbutrin is good for those with adhd and depression, so I think I'd ask to try that next.
>>34350193
I'm in the same boat, yup. Lately I sleep about 12 hours a day and then take a four or five hour nap after eating something. For reference when my depression was at its worst I'd sleep about 8 hours and nap for about 4 each day which definitely got in the way of my life but not to the extent that my sleeping is now. I can barely hold down basic maintenance let alone a job or a social life.

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>started drinking basically every night now
>wake up this morning
>sole of my left foot is swollen to shit
>can't walk on it at all, feels like it's being stabbed with a hot poker
>no bruising or anything
>no idea what I did

For some reason these things just make me even more angry about living I don't know why but I'm snapping at every single small fucking thing I see today. Flipped out at an inconsistency in Star Trek Voyager and then had to resolder my headphones cause I broke em.

What am I doing with my life

>>34350398
Whats changing?

>>34350381
Legit its not good for you, this place is bad

>>34350370
How often does this happen?

>>34350439
I'm so sorry anon. Shits rough
What are you doing right now?

>>34350463
I'm on wellbutrin, its fantastic but i'm super anxious on it

>>34350490
see a doctor if its gunna hurt you.
I think you might wanna see a therapist for these issues I think. How long have you felt like this?

>>34350463
You should consider getting a physical, and having blood work done. make sure your vitamin d levels are good and your thyroid is working.

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>>34350529
I can't stop going to /r9k/. Or at least the select internet circlejerks I end up in.

It's like talking to all the irl friends I don't have.

>>34350607
Try making internet friends on like, better places. Maybe IRC channels dedicated to topics you're into

>>34348581
Unemployed and eating ramen. I want a job but no one wants to hire me. Studying for the P-Exam (SOA).

>>34350529

>how often this happens?

last time was on christmas week and september.

feel like i wanna throw up, i know some anons have it worse but fuck, this is hard...

>>34350529
>I'm so sorry anon. Shits rough
>What are you doing right now?

Eating a moon pie because I'm a fatass and it's the only thing that is there for me
I'm not actually obese but I'm going to be if I keep eating like this, I just don't give enough of a shit to stop, nothing to live for

>>34350529
Yeah, a few of my friends are on wellbutrin and I'm honestly kinda jealous of how well it seems to be working for most of them. As for the heightened anxiety I think that's pretty standard for anything that can treat adhd. I have a prescription for a small dose of ativan that I take as needed (maybe once every week or two) for panic attacks so all that isn't that big of a deal to me. All of this stuff involves tradeoffs. Are you taking it for depression, adhd, or both?
>>34350545
I actually had one about a year back, everything is fine afaik. I had to get one because one of my panic attacks caused me to hyperventilate which led to a seizure, hence the ativan. Hypersomnia definitely isn't a new issue for me, though. I've had problems with it since middle school, would get in constant trouble for falling asleep in class no matter what I did with my diet and routine. It was an issue at one of my first jobs, too. Everyone thought it's because I just don't give a shit but it's actually pretty embarrassing. I've had everything checked multiple times since it started being an issue, though. Worst thing that's ever come up is a vitamin deficiency years ago but I was barely eating at that time.

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>>34348581
Not good, spiraling continues

>need drugs to have fun when I go out
>need drugs to be calm when having social interactions, especially with girls
>see glimpses of hope because girls at parties and bars smile and like talking to me when I act calmly
>hope is smashed to pieces because realize I am only that way on drugs
>about to graduate have to find a job, too depressed
>don't have too many close friends, just lots of "acquaintances" that like me but at the same time there is always a connection missing
>panic and anxiety about what others think of me
>try to stop caring, it doesn't work
>depression
>have to lie to everyone and show them how happy I am because depression isn't attractive

>>34350670
Whats your degree in?

>>34350786
:< Sorry to hear that

>>34350922
Depression, adhd, all that fun stuff

>>34350965
So no one in your life knows you have depression? Even family?

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>>34350529
>see a doctor
Nah that's money that I could spend on alcohol. I already technically see a therapist but I reschedule all the time so haven't gone in like 2 months kek.

Also just wanted to say you're a good cunt JW, you do a good service here on this board that's going to fucking shit.

>>34351049
Lol, sure my family and only a couple of my close friends know I have problems. But all that leads to is therapy, and therapy doesn't help me. Only I can help me and only if I want to. Telling them I'm depressed all the time drives people away, all they can do is say encouraging words. I don't want to make my mom sad by telling her I'm losing my mind all the time

I don't really have depression in the normal sense. I am bpd.

It's not their responsibility, it is mine so why tell them when it will only worry them and subconsciously damage there view of me. They can know the extent of it if I fail at my goals and off myself.

https://discord.gg/B4hnuCJ

For those who need a distraction or general company. This is a pretty slow and relaxed server so don't joined expecting anything immediate.

>>34351115
Thanks, I don't ever come here except for making these threads desu

>>34351142
Meds? Meds can assist y our self help

I swing hard between feeling like I have everything together (I graduated with my BSc a few years back, been working in a white-collar job since, I'm finally buying my very own townhouse, I've been going to the gym regularly and I'm starting to see the results, getting dates off Tinder, OKCupid, or friends-of-friends) and feeling like despite doing everything I'm supposed to and checking all the boxes on the list of being a functional human being that I'm just playing at it and one day everyone's going to realize I'm a huge fraud who doesn't have his shit together.

I can't understand how I can be out to dinner or karaoke with my friends and feel isolated. It's not even that they ignore me or anything, we'll always talk about our shared interests or new happenings in life ("Ah, how's buying that new place coming?") but I feel like I'm just pasting on the smile and bumblefucking my way through being friends with people until the day they realize they don't really need me there.

I can't even keep a woman for more than a few weeks until I start feeling the same way and just slowly start texting them back less and less until we stop seeing each other. I'm going out with a girl right now who's honestly a better match than most of the women I dated in 2016 but I know if I really try to connect with her in a few weeks I'll end up breaking it off like always and it'll just hurt more than not at all.

I feel damaged.

Sorry for the rant, I can't tell anyone in real life. I have to pretend to have all my shit together all the time.

Not a good day for me, i found out a friend/ex bf i hadn't seen in a while died today and it's really fucked me up. Me, him, and another friend had all just been planning to meet up again for drinks, but we'll just have to pour one out for him instead..

The dude was younger than me and he just fucking died, why is life so unfair? He didn't deserve that.

>>34351614
Its okay, I'm here to listen to you. Are you sure you can't tell anyone in real life?
Also you aren't a fraud. You are a human being with a lot of his shit together, but not everything. Thats okay. Its okay.

>>34351669
Thats rough my dude
I lost a friend four years ago today
its his birthday

>>34351768
Thanks. I really appreciate that these threads exist man. I dropped into one a year or so back to get the same sort of thing off my chest, and it does help. It makes a difference.

I really can't tell anyone. I told an old friend from University once, I thought she might understand because she'd told me about the hard times in her life. I really just needed a confidante, but it's made our once easy-going friendship awkward. We don't talk anymore.

>>34351669
Back in high school one of my friends thought she caught a real bad cold and stayed home on Friday, cancelled on our weekend plans. She decided to get some bed rest. Turned into (or out to be?) pnuemonia and she died. She was smart too, was doing full IB, probably would have ended up a doctor or an engineer or something other contributing member of society and she just died at 16 before getting to live life to the fullest.

I feel you, man. It does suck.

>>34352022
:< i'm sorry to hear that
If you wanna keep talking to me i'm still around <3

>>34352109
I find your story hilarious.
Thanks for cheering me up.

Does anyone want to talk about it? [703}895*2969