I am about to an hero Anyone want to hear the story? also feels thread

Go ahead buddy. We've got nothing but time here.

i'm lurking, go ahead op

Ok Im drunk So give me a minute and excuse mistakes

*Tell the story, not kill yurself>>34330845

>>34330831
Interested, go on, make my night comfy.

How are you lads being comfy this night? Got myself a hot chocolate with mini marshmallows and everything.

No I don't want to hear your story, it's the same as every other story, but you're too fucking dense to listen to those other people who went through the same thing but eventually found a way out. Fuck off, if you're already committed to doing it then just do it and stop fishing for attention.

>>34330908
Did you find a way out? I'm not OP but I am unbearably empty.

>>34330891
Laying in bed and got muh special dark 4chan theme on.

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>>34330872>>34330865
>>34330847
>>34330845

>be a combat medic, dream job, innaghanistan
>be on a routine patrol, start getting shot at from a ridge
>rpg is fired at us, blowing leg of of my friend and causing what i can only describe as shell shock to myself and my squad
>crawl over to him and start to wrap the tourniquent on my legless best friend
>after I stop the bleeding I look up at friend to ask him what else was hit
>He wasnt answering me, so I looked up to see what was wrong
>His whole face was caved in, hit by a bullet while I was on his leg
>went back home on medical discharge
>Havent been able to forget his face and the screams of the men and bullets flying
>Am diagnosed with sever depression and PTSD
>Have been in a constant state of drug use
>No one has visited me since I got back
>life is no longer worth living

>>34330968
shit dude, that's depressing

can you stream your suicide somewhere?

>>34331009
No webcam or phone, sorry

How will you an hero?

>>34331048
I have a remington 700

>>34330968
Fuuuck man. I'm sorry. I'd try and offer advice bit it'd be arrogant to pretend I know what you're going through. I hope you don't do it and things get better, but ultimately its your choice. Good luck with your life

>>34330968
That's a rough thing to go through.
Where are you from?

>>34330968
Anon, I'm sorry to hear that. I wish I knew you in person, I would take you out for a couple of beers.

>>34331114
Texas
originol

>>34330956

Yes I found a way out after several failed suicide attempts. My recovery involved reaching out to other people, listening to their banal optimistic crap, and then accepting that whatever they said about me was infinitely more tolerable than what I was telling myself. It sucks at first because I had to lose part of my identity and accept a perspective that was not my own. This last step is hard and it's why so many people have trouble finding their way out of depression, because it involves a little bit more pain before making a recovery.

>>34330968

That sucks dude. But I'm telling you, you're not alone. Find a support network. You're dying because you're isolating yourself. 4chan is not a support network. The people who know a way out don't often post here.

>>34330968
>be retarded normalfag
>Enlist because retarded normalfag
>Go into a combat role because retarded normalfag
>Specifically become medic even though you're a colossal bitch who can't handle a trauma situation
>Waste millions in taxpayer money
>Get """PTSD"""", the disease of sheltered first world normalfags
>Wallow in self pity and act like you're a fucking victim
>People will encourage this

>>34331059
Are you sure you want to kill yourself? You may be able to find something worth living for

>>34331176
>I'm so edgy, look at me
>I'm still in high school but I totally understand the world

>>34331020
>no phone
probably why no one visited you desu

Has OP done it yet? this is an original post

pray to God

I hope you get better.

I think OP became an real hero.

oregonallio

>>34330968
how long has it been since this happened?
are you seeking professional help?

i have a friend with PTSD, he still suffers greatly and gets flashbacks and nightmares but therapy has really helped him, give it a try.

>>34331157
I don't think I can do it. I came out of a medicated haze and have been searching constantly for over a year now for something that makes any sense at all. Anything that might feel nice to believe in feels like a blatant lie. I try to believe but it feels hollow. I am going through the motions of bettering myself and have even tried to reach out but it all leaves me feeling more irretrievably broken and more intensely hopeless than before because I'm told that these things are supposed to make you feel better but they don't. Life feels like a long and pointless joke at best and a horrifying mess of emptiness at worst. What is it that you were able to grab onto to make your life meaningful to you? It seems impossible.

>>34330831
Why in your opinion life is pointless OP??

>>34331176
Meanwhile you shit on veterans who have been in a war and repost feminist blogs on tumblr talking about how bad you identify as a white male to this day.

You should be the one streaming suicide in this thread.

>>34331424
why are you looking for meaning? why does life seem like a joke to you? the world is as grey as it gets. From my point of view it seems like you had a idealic point of view before this trauma and now thats been shattered.

>>34331424

It was less about finding something positive and more about purging the negative things from my life. I never truly embraced optimism as a philosophy, but I used it as a coping mechanism to keep myself from thinking bad thoughts. Anytime I would think life was shit I would try to make a case against that by mustering all of the positive thoughts that I could. It didn't make me feel good all of the time, but it kept me stable so my mind and body could make a gradual recovery.

My big turnaround came when I was working a shitty job at McDonald's. I was cleaning counters and an old veteran came over and started conversing with me. He was cheery as fuck and talked about anything, and I was curious, so I got him to tell me about his war experiences. The dude saw some shit in Vietnam, was captured and tortured, but decades later he was fine and had children and grandchildren. I figured that I could recover if he could. It took me a while but I did it.

All I can say is that I wouldn't describe it as finding a light at the end of the tunnel. It's more like getting fresh air and relief suddenly. You're not overcome with euphoria, you just feel somewhere between decent and good. Everything related to your depression will one day seem trivial and nonsensical in hindsight.

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>>34330968
HANG IN THERE, YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN

>>34332229
Thanks for the response. I hope your last sentence is accurate. I do try to stay optimistic and I'm terrible at it but it's probably the only reason that I'm still trying. I have an intense edgy streak and I feel like my experience of the world will never change but i know that I don't know everything and that feelings don't necessarily reflect reality so i have to try everything I can think of before I give up completely.

Nice to hear that you found a way to make it work.

>>34330968
Why would you an hero just as when trump is newly elected and will bring hundreds of neet bux to vets?
OP if you ask me youre just out of your daily routine. Find a hobby youre passionate about.

My worst out in Afghanistan was a 4 year old that got caught in a mortar attack on a marketplace. She didn't look too badly injured, but they pulled 44 bits of shrapnel out of her in theatre and, unsurprisingly, she didn't make it.

Your friend wouldn't want you adding to the casualty stats - hang in there.