What events in your life made you shy and/or asocial anons ?

you sound like either a nigger or french

>>34299195

I'm french

blabla

>>34299167

I was bullied as a kid, it fucked up the rest of my life.

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>>34299195
>either a nigger or french
>either
>implying

>>34299167
ignored for the better child
I supposed on the flip-side I can't disappoint those who never had faith in me.

>>34299904

I'm a white french

original

>>34299930

What was the treatment you had in comparison of your siblings ?

>>34299167
it gradually happened over the first year of high school. i went to a small primary school where everyone knew each other and the other kids accepted, and didnt judge my social ineptness because they knew me. once i got to high school, i got picked on because i didnt wear certain clothes, or didnt have a certain hair cut, didnt like certain music etc. after about a year of getting picked on for varies things i decided to just follow what was popular and to keep to myself because i didnt want to get bullied anymore. throughout the rest of high school i developed social anxiety and became self conscious, both of which i still somewhat suffer with to this day. im 22. i didnt really develop as a person properly throughout all of high school because of my social anxiety. i become close friends with some other people in highschool that i am still close with today, and they suffer with the problems on a harsher scale.

>>34299951
>>34299590
au four

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>>34299951
>I'm a white french

Don't disclose pieces of information which could too easily let people identify (You).

>>34299167
you're either born a robot or not
you're just naturally autistic and have a miserable life because of it which in turn makes you even more of a loser as time goes by
such is our life

>>34300094

Getting bullied is the worst man... events in your youth shape your futur. Are you improving now ?

>>34300250

I was one of the only whites where I grew up, wasn't cool though. Kids in my class didn't like me because i was too white and too french.
It's only like that in suburbs and Paris's border districts though

>>34300272

I don't think it's a destiny thing. It's your family and environment that shape you

>>34300272

You sound bitter anon. What's wrong ?

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>>34300272
this is false

but I bet it's a comfy thought as you watch your life get worse and worse while you stand by and take no action to fix it

>>34300898

How do you climb up when you're at the bottom ?

I've been shy for as long as I can remember. When I was a baby I was dropped down concrete stairs so maybe that has something to do with it, idk

>>34301097

Weird. No bad experiences with other people ?

>>34301190
No. My father was shy and my mother's family is shy too, maybe it's in the genes

>>34299167
I'm not really shy or anxious but I'm probably a bit fucked up for various reasons. I moved a lot growing up and kept losing friend groups, moved country and felt isolated, my brother always treated me abusively and bullied me, spent months in a mental hospital when I was 14 and was raped there.

>>34301252

Then it's more like your family environment shaped you anon.
I don't know if shyness is innate ?

>>34301321
are you a man or girl?

origional

>>34301321

Woaw, that's heavy. How are you fucked up though ? Can you get in details ?

I was bullied all throughout school, and I was raised by a single mother with BPD. Now, as an 18 year old, I'm very shy, and very anxious in social situations. I'm a NEET and I spend most of my time in my room because even going to a grocery store is an ordeal for me.

God, I feel like a broken record. I don't expect a miracle to happen and that someone will solve all my problems for me -- what I want to know, is if I am chasing a lie, trying to be like everyone else and that I am doomed to a life of misery.

I want to fix myself, and I'm trying to do little things every day to try to help. Taking slow deep breaths helps me with my anxiety, but everyone around me seems to be able to interact with others effortlessly and seamlessly.

>>34301335
I would think personality can be passed on. If every baby was born in the exact same environment wouldn't they at least have some difference in personality?

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>grew up poor, like living in a hotel room poor
>always had to hide my true self from others at school so they wouldnt find out
>to this day i cant get close to anybody

also i hit puberty and developed severe acne, goodbye normal life

I've inherently got some mad social anxiety that's been a problem since I was a kid, but it doesn't help I live in the middle of nowhere and was homeschooled because of health problems. Combine that with realizing I'm gay and the constant bullshit my brother pulled through my teenage years and I really should see a shrink

>>34301396

I had a bpd girlfriend for a few months and it was a nightmare. I'm sorry Anon.
I feel you on the "being someone else" topic. Do you have this awful feel you won't fit anywhere in your life ? Even if you get to fake a "normal life" you'll remember yourself how you're different ?
But i'm sure there is hope, but i don't think we should force too much with "normies".

>>34301397

That's pretty interesting, i would like to read an article on the subject.

>>34301414

You're still young, you can change it now.

>>34301454

Are your friends/family tolerants about homosexuality ?

>>34301396

You're only young, the best attitude you should take is that social anxiety could be a problem for most of your life, and it could be worse at different points - but that this isn't reason to 'give up', that you have to simply develop systems and strategies to always push back against it.

Start by creating a 'self esteem' log. Every time you manage to push yourself to do something slightly outgoing - make a record of it, this is so that later on if you have a period of falling back, your mind can't create spirals of hopelessness - in those moments your mind focuses on getting away from pain so you forget those previous instances where you were functional. A self-esteem log can help to cut through that and remind yourself that you can slowly crawl BACK out of however deep you are, even if you keep getting knocked back.

Also spend time every day mentally processing your anxiety and bad experiences. The more you impose your judgement and reason on things rather than feelings, the more power you get over them. You'll start to see more reasonable ways of mentally approaching stressful situations, you'll develop 'social strategies' and insights that'll help you manage in day to day life.

>implying there is a reason
I'm pretty sure I'd be close to what I am now regardless of where or how I grew up

>>34301353
Girl.
>>34301358
I was adhd when younger and still have it. They suspected me of bpd and attachment disorder in those mental hospitals but then changed it to conduct disorder and totally changed in behaviour, they would beat and strangle me and were really verbally abusive, and used it as excuse to treat me badly. I later got diagnosed aspd but I guess I have a lot of borderline and histrionic traits too. I probably kill myself soon desu senpai, life is shitty. At least I have drugs.

>>34299167
>Bullied through school and into adult life
>Raised in a cult like church that told me i was going to hell and exposed me to things like demonic possession from a young age
>father was absent for most of my life and raised by a mother with an un-diagnosed anxiety disorder who raised me to be timid and scared of everything

i'm amazed i can function at all. still can't talk to women or make friends though.

>>34301566

Don't kill yourself, you can climb up. You should seriously seek good help. You've been really unlucky. Do you have friends ?

>>34301575

As another anon said it, you should try to do little efforts to improve your confidence and log it. Why are your main flaws in the process of making friends ?

>>34301655
>>34301575

What*

origigiggign

>>34301575

>Raised in a cult like church that told me i was going to hell and exposed me to things like demonic possession from a young age

Even if you feel that you've already thrown out Christianity, it might really help you to read some of the literature available online about how the doctrine of Hell is false. The more you read about that, along with learning about the contradictions in the NT gospels, the further out of your brain those revolting threats will go. Here's one good source:

http://godsplanforall.com/free-online-book/part-ii/chapter-16-hebrew-and-greek-words-mistranslated-to-mean-hell/

>>34301541
>Are your friends/family tolerants about homosexuality ?
>friends
lmao, I can't really make friends (minus a few steam ones) thanks to this fucking anxiety. I mean I can hold a conversation really well if someone else starts it but I'm incapable of either starting one or keeping it afloat with new topics.
That said my family is definitely fine with me being gay, only problem is I live in a rural area and there are still enough bible thumpers around that while I'm open about if someone asks, I usually keep it semi incognito so I don't run into any surprise bullshit from people I otherwise like. but honestly coming to terms with being gay (it was really obvious in hindsight but i was dense as fuck when it comes to that sorta shit) wasn't really the problem. I think it just compounded my social isolation from my inherent social anxiety on top of lack of skills thanks to being raised pretty isolated and homeschooled.

Nothing. I was never bullied, was never hideous, could manage somewhat average conversations with people, etc. I just never figured out how to initiate conversations and friendships growing up. And then eventually I came to not care, because I realized escapism in the form of movies, books, and music is so much better. In the real world its almost impossible to find someone who aligns with your tastes and personality, but with escapism you can consume things that aligh with you or become someone else briefly. I'm too crippled at this point but its okay.

>>34301396

Anxiolitics my dude

>>34301655
The problem is i don't even know why my flaws are. the only thing i've had anyone tell me is to smile more because i look sad. i've been working on that.
i have a serious problem talking to people. my brain freezes up and i have no idea what to say most of the time. i think people take it as im uninterested.
ive tried to ask people at work to do things but i always get rejected. i don't even have robot tastes. i don't like anime or video games.
i like running, snowboarding, mountain biking and hiking.

>>34301727
haven't thrown our Christianity. I just prefer to make my own way. i stopped attending church because it's basically a social club for "nice" people

>>34301396
>>34301550

Oh and i'll add something to this...

When you're younger you tend to over-estimate the gulf between yourself and other 'outgoing' types. The reality is most of those people are just too oblivious and lacking in self-awareness to care about the frequency with which they're being autistic or assholes to others', and they just come across as being natural. This is compounded by watching people in TV and movies who act with a sort of fluency and can speak really eloquently or relate meaningfully to others, and it gives you the false impression that people in general are so much more socially advanced than you are.

Being successful socially just means learning from experience, learning to have a conversational repertoire and some basic skills. So much of it even for adults is just about faking it till you make it.

Don't let yourself fall for this shit, and don't feel bad. Just work on yourself gradually.

>>34301779

Holding a conversation require practice. I know you're anxious, but if you have a hobby you really like, i mean, something you could talk about for hours, then you should try to meet people that share that hobby.
Do you have real convo with your steam friends ? With the mic and stuff ? That's a good training.
I'm sorry if I sound naive. Social anxiety is a pain in the ass

>>34301830

Well Anon, those are great hobbies. Like I said above, you have to meet people who share your passion. It will train you to have a conversation.

>>34301550
>Also spend time every day mentally processing your anxiety and bad experiences. The more you impose your judgement and reason on things rather than feelings, the more power you get over them. You'll start to see more reasonable ways of mentally approaching stressful situations, you'll develop 'social strategies' and insights that'll help you manage in day to day life.

Funnily enough, I've started to do this naturally. The logical side of my mind often gets into what I would call an argument with the emotional side.

It goes something like this;

>Emotional: "Oh no, everyone is looking at me and judging me, I'm such a fool!"

>Logical: "No, they are not. They are all thinking about themselves and do not care about you, stop overthinking and just be in the moment."

Thank you for the advice, though. I think keeping a log is a good idea -- I have also been jotting down bite-sized notes from a book called "How to win friends and influence people". I feel like that has already taught me things about social situations, even though I just started reading it.

>>34301517
>Do you have this awful feel you won't ft anywhere in your life?

>Even if you get to fake a "normal life" you'll remember yourself how you're different ?

Yes, a thousand times yes.

Although, I've been trying to push that thought to the back of my mind since I have found that focusing on the negative side of things only makes life worse.

And yeah, I've come to the realization that I'm me and that I can't really ever be truly like the average joe, so I feel like I have to find workarounds that will let me deal with life in my own way.

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>>34299167
My life was relatively normal up until 9th grade. I went to events, had a wide range of friends, but I never felt entirely comfortable when with people. In 9th grade, I got a gf and kept one for two months before I found out she was cheating on me. This is where it all went wrong. I started to be less trustworthy of people, slimmed down my circle of friends, and started to see people for what they really were: boring, monotonous, hedonistic drones.

Over the course of high school, I found a friend who shared my views almost parallel, and he is my only friend currently. I started talking less and less, and my social skills went to shit. I refused to partake in anything normies were interested in. All of this lead to a hatred to people of my generation. Now I refuse to talk to normies unless it's absolutely necessary, which, in college, is very bad news, since communication is what gets you places in life.

I'm now a bitter, socially inept, asocial/borderline antisocial shell of my former self. I wish I could go back and not be so self aware, just so I could be a slightly happier person.

>>34301913
Thanks again, anon. Your post is a breath of fresh air in this cesspit.

It seems that it would be good for me if I just left this board entirely, the whole place is a depressing, demotivating circlejerk of negativity which probably reinforces how my brain feels.

>>34301996

I wish you the best anon.
I think the most important for us is to find someone who know our mind and accept it. No frustration and no secret.
We have to share our burden.

>>34299167
I moved from my country when I was 7 yo so I had to go a new school at a new place with a completely different language.

I didnt have much friends and was always the quiet kid, didnt get physically bullied because I was always the tall kid of the class, but sometimes they mocked me because of my accent and being weird. In highschool I made 3 or 4 friends, but it was kind of harsh at first, they too made fun of me sometimes. They'd call me to hang out with them, text me and talk about shit and everything, but when they had the chance of making fun of me for being a foreign dude they didn't waste it. Specially if there were girls around.

>>34301929
well that's the thing, I know my hobbies are without a doubt niche (f silly history shit, comp sci stuff, japanese shit I'd never mention for social suicide, etc.) so I never want to bring it up because I guess I'm hyperconscious of the way autists look when they go on some tangent about their favoured subject when they don't know someone else really likes it. Problem is I simply have no experience in asinine stuff that you can use for casual conversation with someone who doesn't share your interests but is a semi-friend. For instance I had that shit happen at uni today
>meet guy I talk to a lot in one class at random
>he's waiting to go to a class in like ten minutes
>I'm just reading shit in a break too long to easily pass but not long enough to leave campus
>we wind up just sitting there not having any conversation at all, just looking into our respective phone/book
worst part is I'm hyperaware that I'm fucking up and need to do something but can't figure out what to throw out there.
same for steam, I'm great if someone else if starting a conversation, I can contribute just fine and act normally. But I can't start a conversation for the life of me. It doesn't help my steam friends are all just as awkward/fucked up in their own special ways

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My mind is warped with the truth i see all i must see and all i must know is revealed to me. Shyness anxiety depression are all mental shields to keep me safe from the corruption of others one day i will share the truth with you all

>>34302143

I think you may be afraid to have shallow conversations, it's funny how you can easily have a big convo starting with a dumb question.

"How is your family ?"
"what did you do this week-end ?"
"Hey have you seen this new movie ?"

If it's a close friend just be funny, and don't fear silence. This kind of thing happens even with extraverts

Oh and any hobby is shameful if you're shameful when you talk about it
Ok maybe you won't talk about cute animes with a shallow bitch but you know what I mean

>>34302080

Seek treatment if you're borderline, it's really a big step to get out of this mess.
And by treatment I don't mean meds or drugs

But i'm curious, being borderline, shouldn't you looking for constant attention ?

>>34302080
Awareness is the truth do not wish upon yourself blindness my friend. You must harness your sight and discover the truth

>>34302301
partially-or at least I am a bit clueless as to how to hold them from an initiators standpoint. I guess my major problem is I haven't had any irl friends in years so I have no idea where anything falls on a friendship scale. For instance said guy I met today
>usually sit together during class
>tend to talk class related or banal stuff
I guess I might be fucking up where to put that on the friend spectrum. Like I'm a bit cautious and just tend to assume that means we're just acquaintances.

>>34302345
Oh, my wording was pretty vague, I meant I am on the border of being antisocial and not asocial, not suffering from BPD

>>34302473

For now he seems to be an acquaintance, but if you start doing things out of work/school together you can consider yourselves friends.
What have you in common with him ?

>>34302550
Embrace it my friend for it will be your escape from the horrors of this world

>>34302550

Why do you refuse to talk to normies ? I can understand though

>>34302630
To speak to normies is to create noise noise that blocks out the whispers of the world. you must be isolated and embrace the whispers to gain the enlightenment you rightly deserve

>>34302679

R u high m8

>>34302630
I have no similar interests or views to the common gen z-er, I have no interest in talking to people or socializing anyways. But I think it's my hatred of normie speak that really makes me refuse to talk to them, it's probably cause of my misophonia. I hate the noise that comes out of peoples mouths, I wish they would all stay silent forever.

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>>34302736
I am not high i am embracing the whispers. I have not yet mastered the ear to hear them but the whispers come through sometimes

>>34302805
The hatred is to keep you in the quiet so you may hear the whispers it is natural and necessary

Is that the comic where furries are a persecuted social class and this dude got fucking beat so hard he was crippled for months and his wife died or some shit so he's some shitty noir character now?

Also, I think I always had issues with social anxiety but childhood illness fucked up my development and a short time after I had resources to retreat from society out of fear of being mocked or ignored. Now I've been out of it so long I'm completely misaligned with functioning in society.

>>34301792
There's something your not telling us.

i stopped doing heroin, lost all my friends and now i just sit in my room and play video games. i have no idea how normies communicate and anytime im forced to interact i basically just shut down.

>>34303240
Was heroin worth it

>>34303268
eh, i didnt really have anything going for me before hand. so probably.

Having actual academic talent, and therefore, high personal standards, plus a long string of stupid career failures due to depression and immaturity, results in insecurity, shyness, and anxiety. If you are routinely told by your college professors that you have talent and students you don't know routinely approach you unsolicited for tutoring, you have talent.

Americans love funny accents. Some of us give the French shit because, one, that's just what English-speaking countries do, and because, two, the French give Americans shit. The American heartland loves France right now because Marine Le Pen inspires them, so you would totally get a warm welcome up in Armpit, Wyoming or what have you. Or, you can go to Seattle and say you hate Le Pen, and the Seattleites will love you.

I love Wyoming, but yeah, it's not exactly the most urban part of the country.

>>34303288
My life is hollow, how do you even get heroin if you have severe anxiety and essentially no social contacts

Got bullied through k-12. Climbing out of shyness now my problem is I can't be emotionally vulnerable with people.

>>34303473
you'd be suprised what you can overcome in order to get a fix. also this helped me more than a few times https://www.reddit.com/r/opiaterollcall/

It all went downhill when I changed schools in the second grade. I made a friend the first day and we made plans to hang out, then another girl came and whispered to the girl that she couldn't be friends with me or her and the girl wouldn't be friends anymore. My new friend came and told me we couldn't be friends and I never talked to her again.

literally playing with legos alone in kindergarden, OP