/r9k/ Tell me a bedtime story.

ONCE

not orig

File: IMG_0816.jpg (38KB, 470x313px)

38KB, 470x313px

>>34255918
Hmmmm I can't seem to think of one right now

This is the story about the snake that drank so much milk he threw up...

>>34255918
Tfw no qt daughter to tuck in at night.

these threads are nuts

File: IMG_0817.jpg (20KB, 451x326px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 451x326px

>>34255918
There was once a little girl named madde... I mean Stacy, she musta been about your age ..

>>34256054
In what way?
Orangutan

>>34255918
Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
And said you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air

Once upon a time a man named Uncle Adolf tried to save the white race. The rest of the white race not in germany were being subverted by jewish mind control. Uncle Adolf knew he had to act, but he was unaware of how deeply rooted the symbiote was. It mercilessly threw its people against gunfire without a care on the value of life. Uncle Adolf wept, but knew he could not turn back, it was now or never. Wave after wave of flesh, he was beginning to run out of bullets and supplies. It looked like the end and all of europe was lost...

To be continued...

File: scared-girl-confused.jpg (68KB, 600x400px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 600x400px

>>34255988
Daddy, I already can tell this is really about you and the night you drank too many White Russians.

>>34255918
Once upon a time there was a little robot named Anon. He enjoyed posting on 4chan.org because he had no friends. Then he killed himself. The end.

Sleep tight :)

File: IMG_5467.png (638KB, 768x768px)

638KB, 768x768px

>>34255918
Once upon a time there was a faggot named anon. He was so faggity that he spent his time shit posting and complaining on a forum called 4chan. Anon suffered from social anxiety and depression, but instead of taking healthy approaches to solve his problems, he instead chose to bitch and complain about life not being fair, blamed roasties and chads for literally living their life and having fun, and used the comfort of other anons problems to boost the little self esteem he had left (if he had any). A pitty party circle jerk if you will. Eventually the crippling loneliness and nihilistic world view drove anon to insanity to the point where he felt the need to end his life. Rip Anon. The End.

>>34256255
This story made me fucking sad,

File: 1450727100973.jpg (48KB, 400x450px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 400x450px

One upon a time there was a little girl much like you, and one day while digging for grubs in bed with her uncle, she happened upon a grub worm. Instantly she grasped it in her hand, and unlike any other grub worm she'd ever seen, it grew into her hands, until it wasn't a grub worm, but more like grub tree-trunk. It wriggled in her fingers and she played with it, squeezed lightly to feel how solid it was in her little grip. She ran her fingers over the slick top, and then without warning it gushed over her fingers, spilling thick, musky liquid down like a champagne bottle uncorking. She laughed, and it got all over the sheets. The end.

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A FUCK CALLED ANON. NOW THIS ANON HAD AUTISM, MEANING HE WAS FUCKING RETARDED. NOBODY LIKED HIM BECAUSE OF IT AND HE WAS SHUNNED EVERYWHERE HE WENT. THE END.

>>34256419
>tfw reading my own bibliography

>>34256255
Social anxiety fear is equal to fear of death, would someone choose to walk to their own execution?

>>34256449
*Biography

FUCK I AM RETARDED

WHY DO I ALWAYS FUCK UP

>>34256419
But society completely forgives him if he's a qt with a nice smile and pretty eyes

File: IMG_1404.jpg (136KB, 477x351px) Image search: [Google]

136KB, 477x351px

>>34255918
Once there was a man so ugly everyone died

>>34256065
continue da stori unkl

File: IMG_0821.jpg (15KB, 521x282px)

15KB, 521x282px

>>34256527
Sorry darl, Aunty hillarys cassarole has given me severe diarrhoea, again

>>34255918
If you look out the window you can see a star just over the horizon. On that star there is a world of Tucans who make the sky sparkle with their brilliant colors. Everyone was happy on this Tucan planet, everyone except for Sam the Tucans.
See, Sam was sad because unlike the other Tucans, his wings were an ugly brown color. The other Tucans tried to comfort Sam by bringing him berries and leaves to put in his wings. But with these decorations, Sam couldn't fly!
So Sam became lonely and left the tree top. He began to live under the tree with the bugs and the mushrooms.
Life wasn't so bad for him, there was plenty of fruit that fell from the trees to eat. But the best part was that he couldn't see the other birds-the tree tops blocked the view of the skies.
Over time, Sam slowly forgot how to speak with Tucans, and the other Tucans eventually forgot about him too.
One day, Sam heard a crashing noise from above. There was a flurry of sticks fallings from the sky!

>>34255918
When they hung the first Bozo on the cross, he said, "give me a cross to look at! A cross!"
"No!" screamed the angry crowd.
But then a child ran from her mother and bound up two syringes. She held the cross up to the dying clown.
"Come back here," screamed the child's mother.
"No. He has a right to what he insisted!"
The clown looked down upon the child and he smiled. He lifted his hand and she was felled by laser beams from the sky.
"That'll teach you to disobey your mother," he chuckled. And with that, he died.

File: 142456123845.jpg (45KB, 736x471px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 736x471px

>>34255918
Quick rundown on them:
>rothschilds bow to the Bogdanoffs
>in contact with aliens
>rumoured to possess psychic abilities
>control france with an iron fist
>own castles and banks all over the world
>direct descendants of the ancient royal blood line
>will bankroll the first cities on Mars (Bogdangrad will be be the first city)
>own basically every DNA editing research facility on Earth
>first designer babies will be Bogdanoff Babies
>both brothers said to have 215+ IQ, such intelligence on Earth has only existed deep in Tibetan monasteries
>Ancient Indian scriptures tell of two angels who will descend upon Earth and will bring an era of enlightenment and unprecedented technological progress with them
>They own Nanobot R&D labs around the world
>You likely have Bogdabots inside you right now
>The Bogdanoffs are in regular communication with the Archangels Michael and Gabriel, forwarding the word of God to the Orthodox Church. Who do you think set up the meeting between the pope & the Orthodox high command (First meeting between the two organisations in over 1000 years) and arranged the Orthodox leader's first trip to Antarctica in history literally a few days later to the Bogdanoff bunker in Wilkes land?
>They learned fluent French in under a week
>Nation states entrust their gold reserves with the twins. There's no gold in Ft. Knox, only Ft. Bogdanoff
>The twins are about 7 decades old, from the space-time reference point of the base human currently accepted by our society
>The Bogdanoffs will guide humanity into a new age of wisdom, peace and love

>>34256004
Tfw no qt daughter to fuck at night.

>>34255918
So ur with ur honey and ur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it and the vioce is "wut r u doing wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded." THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

File: 1483972273521.jpg (7KB, 200x195px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 200x195px

One day I was walking by
With a Walkman on
When I caught a guy give me an awkward eye
And strangled him off in the parking lot with his Karl Kani
I don't give a fuck if it's dark or not
I'm harder than me tryna park a Dodge
But I'm drunk as fuck
Right next to a humongous truck in a two car garage
Hopping out with two broken legs tryna walk it off
Fuck you too, bitch, call the cops
I'ma kill you and them loud ass motherfucking barking dogs
And when the cops came through
Me and Dre stood next to a burnt down house
With a can full of gas and a hand full of matches
And still weren't found out
so from here on out it's the Chronic 2
Starting today and tomorrow's the new
And I'm still loco enough
To choke you to death with a Charleston chew

Once upon a time a black nigger YEETED and he got lynched. The end.

>>34257128
this meme makes me chuckle