/britfeel/

>>34216017
FUCK YOU LEE FUCK YOU LEE FUCK YOU LEE

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Should you post waifus?
See the pic

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-dYNttdgl0

rise and shine NEETs

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This is my favourite new qt

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>>34216080
>Vivaldi's Spring

Shit

>>34216069
see
>>34216086

>>34216086
>This is my favourite new qt
Who?

>>34216080
Why ;-;

originalcccccc

>>34216065
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IR1ZjYtiOM

Is Lee autistic?

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>>34216080
Doesn't even bother me

>>34216117
Look at the picture

in an original way

I've done goofed lads

>quit my shit job to be a normie and go backpacking
>want to do something with my life and see the world
>couple months in I run into financial trouble and have to come home

Turns out because I was abroad for more than 4 weeks I'm not eligible for any benefits, who knew

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why did you break mummys heart Lee?

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>>34216080
why are you doing this lad?

>on bus home
>minding own business
>qt chav girl behind me
>she pokes the back of my head and blows on my hair
>freeze up and get off at the next stop

absolutely shit myself lads, this is the first time i've made physical contact with a girl. wtf did she mean by this?

i want to die

>>34216157

That's what you get for trying to enjoy life

>>34216148
I'm asking which character is it. Or is it just some image you found and acting like it's your waifu like some pleb

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>>34216069
Wageslave checking in, tfw I have an amazon delivery of a GPU tomorrow and an all day meeting so can't work from home to collect it.

>>34216157
>>34216182
the proles aren't allowed to enjoy life

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>>34215927
meh dont care laddo. ive got 16, 150mg of sertraline left over, if I take them will they do anything, like speed it up or whatever

Dear Mr Savage,

Thank you for your Freedom of Information request received on 30 September 2012. You
asked:

I would like to request some information regarding the 'on hold' music used on your telephone
lines (Vivaldi - I think). I work in an environment where daily benefit enquiries are made. The
music used on your phonelines is often a topic of discussion between clients and staff. Could
you help me with the following requests:
1. Who's responsibility was it for choosing the current 'on hold' music (Vivaldi - I think).
2. If other 'on hold' music was considered - what was considered and why wasn't it selected?
3. Was there any particular reason that the current music was chosen?
4. Are there any current plans to change the 'on hold' music or change the system in use? If so
what will change?
5. What are the current yearly operating costs for running the DWP telephone system? If other
systems have been considered, or a change is planned, how will these costs change?
6. Has anyone before made a similar request - if so can you direct me to your response?

1. The current DWP telephony system was introduced in 2006 and the on-hold music was
agreed by a group of staff representing different contact centre operational areas across DWP
at that time.

2. We do not hold the information requested.

3. Selection of the on-hold track was influenced by the desire to obtain a cost-effective
solution. The DWP telephony provider has a group wide licence to use the Vivaldi music,
which means that it is free for DWP to use. If we had chosen to use another piece of music
outside of the group wide licence, they would have had to obtain the licence for it, which would
have cost DWP, and, ultimately, the taxpayer.

...

When I go into specsavers for my eye test, should I do 2 for 69 quid or just buy a single pair of 25 quid frames?

>>34216231
4. DWP does not have any plans to change the 'on hold' music. DWP is currently considering
its future strategy for the provision of telephony services via the new Government PSN
contract frameworks. Whilst there are no immediate plans to change the service we receive,
this strategy may result in changes being introduced in the future.

5. The DWP running costs of the IPCC (Internet Protocol Contact Centre) and Benefit Delivery
Centre) Network for 2011/12 were 27.3m; running costs for the current year are in line with
this level of spend.

6. Our FOI records (from 2007 onwards) do not show any queries relating specifically to the
queries you raise.
If you have any queries about this letter please contact me quoting the reference number
above.
Yours sincerely,


DWP Central FoI Team

>>34216205
No waifu for me yet. I'm the guy who just posts qt's.

I'll find my waifu one day.

no bully lad. We're all friends here

>>34216278
>no bully lad. We're all friends here
Fuck you, you cunt. You're just an arsehole. Post waifus not qts, you fucker

>>34216227
Sure fuck it, go for gold

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>>34216231
>>34216260
> DWP does not have any plans to change the 'on hold' music

>>34216299
Absolutely no need for that.

Being a bit of a meany for no reason. Out of order.

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>>34216133

Lee seems troubled somehow

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>>34216338
I'll be as mean as I want, you prick. This is the World Wide Web any way. I'm anonymous, you daft cunt.

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>tfw you will never have a mommy gf

>>34216065
Fuck's sake Lee, totally uncalled for. You're breaking her heart, m8 saddest thing I've seen all day

>>34216144
Wouldn't mind catching a cheeky crab or two off her

Feeling weird lads, just taken the 18 or so sertraline. But i started feeling odd just before like everything is vibrating

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>>34216069
Here's the waifu
>tfw she's probably aged like milk by now

>>34216373
You seem rustled lad. What's got you upset? Want to talk about it?

I don't like seeing people so upset desu.

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>>34216069
>Should you post waifus?
errr? yes!

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>>34216231
>"We chose what was cheapest"
>"We don't care what you have to listen to"
>"We probably would have gone with children screaming in horror if the DWP telephony provider had a licence for it"

>>34216406
>In a cafe at the weekend
>Guy on a tinder date
>Asks the womans age "37"
>He can't believe it, he's 24
Lucky lad

Lads never smoke crack cocaine. I had a terrible experience last night.

I usually go to the pub after work for a pint on my own. Sometimes two or three, sitting on my phone and posting on here or reading the news.

Last night the pub was really busy so I sat up at the bar. Got talking to a guy next to me, and he seemed really nice and we had a good chat, so I ended up drinking a bit more than I usually would have.

While I was a bit drunk he mentioned he had some cocaine, and asked me if I wanted some. I did a few lines of coke when I was at uni, and I was drunk so I thought "why not?" He said I should follow him and I expected we'd go into the toilet, but instead we walked out of the pub and into the back alley behind it. He pulled a pipe out of his pocket and it turned out he was talking about crack.

I thought "In for a penny, in for a pound" and had a little toke. Wow! It was absolutely phenomenal. We had a few more drinks and a few more smokes and I felt amazing. I liked it so much that at the end of the night I bought some off him.

At home I couldn't sleep so I decided to have a wank. I ended up wanking for three hours. Started off with normal porn but soon turned very degenerate. Ended up with tranny stuff. At 3am I decided to phone a hooker. I've never shagged anyone before let alone a prozzy but I was so horny and all my inhibitions were gone. While I was looking I saw adverts for a local tranny hooker and I decided to go for it.

The tranny hooker came to my flat and she didn't look anything like on the pictures. It was more like a black rent boy with a thick African accent had just put on a dress to make a bit of extra cash. No hormones or anything - except testosterone. We got into my bedroom and he ended up fucking my arse hard.

I'm very worried about going to work tomorrow because I "phoned in sick" by leaving a message on my boss's voicemail at 6am which was probably just gibberish with an African laughing in the background.

>>34216480
you made me think desu
https://youtu.be/SuyNnm0lwBw

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>>34216512

Thats a pretty eventful monday night desu

My urine test has come back abnormal.

This is it lads, the end is nigh for me.

>>34216512
>leaving a message on my boss's voicemail at 6am which was probably just gibberish with an African laughing in the background.

Thanks for the chuckle lad

another new Kay vid lads - we're being treated tonight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz047f3ZGMw

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>>34216433
Waifus never age, lad. They're pure forever

>>34216512
did he use protection?

>>34216603
Of course he fucking didn't

Had my ESA re-assessment today lads. Think it went ok. He went to shake my hand at the end and I recoiled like a spaz so I'm sure he'll sign me off again.

>ordered dominos for 19:30 delivery
>still hasn't arrived
how long should I wait before calling lads?

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>>34216512
>I "phoned in sick" by leaving a message on my boss's voicemail at 6am which was probably just gibberish with an African laughing in the background.

>>34216610
Well at least you can tell you're boss you are legitimately sick then, you got the germ boy

>>34216603
>>34216610
Actually he did. I at least had the presence of mind to make sure of that.

Found the used condom at the bottom of my bed.

>>34216622
Half an hour after supposed delivery. You should get it for free too

>>34216642
That's only in America. FOY.

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>>34216512
>I'm very worried about going to work tomorrow because I "phoned in sick" by leaving a message on my boss's voicemail at 6am which was probably just gibberish with an African laughing in the background.

>>34216668
That's only because pakis are worse than jews

>>34216622

Phone them up and let them know

Its usually the delivery guy has gotten lost/ given up on life

They should give your next order free if its properly late

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>>34216069
>Should you post waifus?

No, never, waifufags are ruining everything

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>>34216227

For the love of god lad, order some morphine off the dark web and give yourself a true britfeel shipping off

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>>34216599
>>34216433
shocknig truth desu

>>34216231
> If we had chosen to use another piece of music
outside of the group wide licence, they would have had to obtain the licence for it, which would
have cost DWP, and, ultimately, the taxpayer.

Atta boy. Fuck spending my tax on music for penniless layabouts.

>>34216699
>>34216642
Okay it just now went to 'baking' on the tracker. That's really weird, it's never taken this long before and I doubt they're busy, I live in the middle of nowhere.

strange

>>34216597
And I thought my mum was shit at cooking, good grief

>>34216017
Hey lads, I was the anon from the last thread asking about moving to the UK. How is Middlesbrough? I'm definitely planning on visiting beforehand.

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>>34215403
>that banter from lee
>then it turned sour and he upset her

>>34216765
>and I doubt they're busy
two for tuesday mate

>>34216774
Full of paedophiles, extreme inferiority complex towards Newcastle, nothing there so why are you moving there

>>34216774
>Middlesborough

You're joking, right? It's a shit hole.

Although with an American accent you'd certainly be regarded as exotic around those parts.

Fuck, even someone with a Welsh accent would be regarded as exotic there.

>>34216774
It's a great town. Try Grimsby, Hull and Luton also

>>34216809
lee was propa out o line, somebody should have given the lad a warning look

>>34216821
yeah but I really live in the middle of nowhere, it's only old people around me as well

>>34216765

did you order it at 7:30pm or was that when it was supposed to be delivered?

>>34216852
>only old people
only people in the country who can truly afford 16GPB pizza delivery

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>Be self hating homo
>go to the bar
>guy hits on me so I take him home
>he thinks I'm going to give him the D
>give him spiked drink and a dose of water in the lungs instead
>still stuck in Muswell Hill East Devon

>>34216822
>inferiority complex towards Newcastle
Middlesbrough aren't the ones down in the Championship desu

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>>34216869
ohh new fucking paradigm or what?

>>34216836

Don't forget Doncaster, Stoke, and Folkestone too. Top towns.

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>>34216597
This is a top episode

>>34216597
lads, i need to know; is it real?

>>34217014
Her husband died

Think it was the food that did him in?

>>34216017
>Jobs Centre Plus
The headquarters of wagecuckery?

>>34217058
ahh don't be mean lad. It's pretty comfy viewing once you've watched 20 or so episodes.

Just got offered a job, lads. Should be happy but typically I'm terrified of having to actually be responsible again.

Just gonna spend all my cash on PoE microtransactions and 40k lol

>>34217085
It's not comfy. The incompetence is like filth to my senses. She's worse than Jack.

Fucking DSP can cook better than her

What actually happens in Job Centres?

Do they give you the job there and then or do they just tell you about places where they have jobs and give you the bus fare to get there?

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>>34216597

>Lee comes into the kitchen
>Hungry after a hard day's work jobsearching
>Thinks that the rice in his dinner is tasteless
>Wants me to give him some flavour
>Give him a lethal dose of morphine instead

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>>34216597

>"the chicken's all right but the sauce is gorgeous"
>hfw

How could you, Lee?

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>>34217129
>Fucking DSP can cook better than her
Implying he can get past the bugged stove mechanics

>>34217132
They don't give you shit, you get put on a list and if you're a good little boy that keeps his 80-hour-a-week job hunting diary up to date, you get 50p deposited to your bank account in three weeks time.

>>34217132
dunno lad. my dad dragged me there once and i said to the lady i'd like a job and she laughed in my face, then she said i have to make an appointment over the phone. never been in one since

>>34217152
In one of his cooking videos, his toaster is literally bugged

Made me laugh

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>tfw still no bear bf to snuggle with during winter

>>34217152
AHAHAHAHA OH MY GAWD HOW WAS I SPOSED TO KNOW YOU SWITCH IT ON AT THE WALL, FUCKING BUGGED OVEN MECHANICS FUCK KOJIMA

>>34217159
What do you do for a living these days?

>>34216836

Barrow is a little piece of heaven too. I'd recommend it to anyone looking to move to the UK. Not a six fingered mutant in sight.

>>34217157
>>34217159

Oh.. So you just email them and they tell you who to phone?

>>34217223
>and they tell you who to phone
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
GOOD JOKE ANON, AS IF THEY'D HELP YOU TO GET A JOB! HAHAHAHHAHA

>>34217132
lol no

>You make an application online
>They give you an appointment
>Go in, "How's the job search going" "Fine" "Come back in two weeks"
>Get 115 quid 3 working days later and again every fortnight after that

Occasionally they'll try and set up work experience for courses for you to go on but 90% of the time you just go in and sign the paper/stupid tablet that doesn't work. If you ever get a cunty one who's on your arse constantly just let your claim expire by not signing on for a few weeks then reapply and you'll probably get someone new. If they ask what you were doing just say cash in hand work for your uncle who runs a handiman business.

I've been signing with my current advisor since april last year, the only thing I've done in that time is a 5 week course.

>>34217223
>>34217248
This.

The jobcentre doesn't help people get jobs, they just weed out the retards too lazy to fake a job search for their free shekels.

>>34216164
Probably just fucking with you to be honest senpai

>>34217248

This is weird, what's it for then?

I've seen them on the telly and it looked like you go in, tell them what you can do and they give you card thing to take to the people with the right job. That was a while ago, I thought maybe you can do it online now. is that not how it works?

Would alcohol help kill me faster when taken with 60 tablets of paracetamol?

getting shitfaced and watching 6 year old minecraft griefing videos
hows your night going /britfeel/

>>34217286

That's literally retarded, you could do all that online and save a hell of lot of time and money.

Still not clear on how they actually give you the jobs though.

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It's almost official lads

>>34217182
How much of a bear are you after lad?

>>34217328
>suicide by paracetamol

Enjoy your slow agonising organ failure you spastic cunt

>>34217329
boring, downloading libgdx to try and make some use out of my Java skills, since UE4 made me scared. I'll probably just go get comfy in bed and play some Ridge Racers 2.

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>>34217329
doing a kays good cooking bingewatch

pure cooking kino

>>34217132

You write your name on a digital screen and they tell you to apply for call centre jobs.

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>>34216069
Should I see a doctor about my insomnia? I've never seen a doctor about anything, how do these things work?

>>34217365
Would Ibuprofen be better?

>>34217355
Bristolian?

>>34217373
>You write your name on a digital screen

This gets weirder.

>>34217395

They'll just tell you nonsense like get exercise and eat a healthy diet or don't use your computer for 6 hours before bedtime and no tea or coffee after midday.

>>34217395
GP? Fuck all they will do mate. In terms of pills, they might give you zopiclone or some such thing that will work if you use it for one time per fortnight.
There's plenty of psychology on sleep that you should read.

>>34217476
>They'll just tell you nonsense like get exercise and eat a healthy diet

Yeah what a load of nonsense!

>>34217345
>That's literally retarded, you could do all that online and save a hell of lot of time and money.
Yup, but the people in the jobcentre and the ones in charge of it and drooling retards with no actual power to get you a job.

>Still not clear on how they actually give you the jobs though.
They have a website called universal jobmatch, they post job ads on there and you send your cv off and pray for an interview. In my 6 years on again off again of signing on I've attended maybe a dozen interviews total, and fucked up every one accidentally.

>>34217509
>fucked up every one accidentally.

Stories please.

>>34217402
Pills are the suicide choice of attention seeking whores who want to be saved more than they want to die

>>34217509
>In my 6 years on again off again of signing on I've attended maybe a dozen interviews total
Using multiple jobsites over the past year, I've received a total of 2 phone calls from employers, I didn't answer either of them because I'm anxious pussy that can't handle talking on the phone.

>>34217439
Yeah it used to be done on paper but they went to digital signing which they stopped doing again at the JC i used to to go to because the pads were so shit.
To set them up you had to input multiple signatures that were fairly similar and then when you signed on it would compare your signature to the samples but most people I saw couldn't get enough signatures that were similar enough to each other to begin with.

>>34217509

I genuinely couldn't be bothered with that. It sounds completely mental.

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>>34217355
>It's /u/bottomlulz
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I FUCKING HATE YOU

>>34217502

Not everyone can afford a gym membership and the 3 hours per day it takes to cook quinoa and pomegranates and activated almonds or whatever bullshit food we're supposed to eat to stay """""""""healthy"""""""""

>>34217582

I'd be fucked then, don't think mine's ever the same twice, particularly on screens.

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>>34217402
LD50 of oral ibuprofen is 636 mg/kg

That means the dose that kills around 50% of animals tested is around 636mg of ibuprofen for every kg or your body weight.

So if you are 14 stone = 89 kg
636 x 89 = 56604mg
most ibuprofen comes in 200mg tablets, so...
56604 / 200 = 283.02

So if you are 14 stone, it would take 283 ibuprofen tablets for you to have a 50/50 change of dying of acute ibuprofen OD.

Just remember that people have saved them up and taken hundreds of them at once and survived easily. You are literally talking about the most autistic suicide method possible.

>>34217582

I like asking the woman how close I got to 100% accuracy. She loves it, bless her.

>>34217575
I want to be saved

:(

>>34217632
I don't see how taking pills is more "autistic" than buying the cheapest helium tank off of amazon with your mum's debit card and killing yourself with that.

>>34217502
Exercise would probably be a good way to get me sleeping again, but I'm pretty sure I'm underweight. I know jack shit about this, so I apologise if this sounds retarded, but does there exist anything that won't burn many calories but will tire me out?

>>34217664

Just get a couple of barbecues mate, stop being a wanker.

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>sister brakes another iphone charger cable
>expects someone else to buy her a new one
>even the 6gbp amazon basics version is "too much" for her
>would rather spend money on clothes and in town

>>34217666

>won't burn many calories but will tire me out?

Anxiety

>>34217612
Is that really your excuse? You can go running in a pair of 30 quid shoes or even just walk around in the ones you have. Plus quinoa takes 10 minutes to cook and you don't need to cook pomegranate or almonds at all, you funny fat bastard.

>>34217547
>16
>Cleaner job at a garage
>Turn up in a 3 piece suit *tips fedora
>Soaking wet head to toe because no umbrella
>They ask what my hobbies are
>"Uhhhh...I-I'm learning japanese"
>"HUH? YOU PLAY FOOTBALL?"
>"No, J-Japanese..."
>"We'll let you know, thanks for coming in"

>18
>Warehouse Work
>"No experience huh?"
>"Yeah the advert didn't mention anything about experience required"
>"Well it's a busy time of year, we can't really take the time to train someone"
>Make a fool of myself trying to sell myself, did everything but get on my hands and knees and cry
>"We'll let you know, thanks for coming in"

>21
>Warehouse Work
>Interviewer interrogates me about years absent from my work history
>Make up some bullshit
>He can tell I'm lying and seems personally offended
>Spends the rest of the interview getting progressively more passive aggressive

EVERYONE lies you stuck up cunt, if I want the job enough to lie about my work history doesn't that mean anything? It's fucking putting shit in boxes for posting, it's not rocket science.

>>34217663
Instead you'll writhe in agony as your body shuts down. You will be wracked with pain and guilt in your dying hours, and it will be hours, as you hope for someone to come and peel you off the floor.
But nobody will come, and you will die as you lived. Scared and alone

>>34216164
chavs do that all the time if you look odd to them, I would have turned around and said "do you have a hair fetish or something?"

>>34217666
Exercising will up your appetite too. If you're underweight you'll probably end up gaining weight because you'll feel like eating more.

>>34217579
Same, when my phone rings I let it ring out then google the number. Why can't people communicate by fucking email why the fuck do we have to talk on the phone.

>>34217703
>"Well it's a busy time of year, we can't really take the time to train someone"

I'd be desperate to spit a "well I'm very busy trying to find employment and don't really have time to waste on dead ends" and walk out in that situation

Autism is a helluva drug

>>34217664
Because an exit bag is 100% lethal if used correctly. You die of hypoxia, which causes euphoria. It is a clean, quiet, and painless way to go. It takes into consideration other people who have to discover your body. Would you rather they found you just sat with a mask on? Or curled up in agony covered in your own vomit?

Pills, even when taken in huge amounts are often survivable and are mostly used as an attention seeking method, rather than a suicide method. Many people end up mentally damaged, meaning that other people will have to look after the person who takes them.

>>34217329
suppin cheeky vimtos, chatting shit . going good desu

>>34217700
>you don't need to cook pomegranate or almonds at all
he said activated almonds mate

>>34217735
Its probably a way to weed people like us out.

>>34217735
>random number calls mobile
>"who the fuck would be calling me?"
>hit the volume down button so it stops vibrating
>copy number and google it
Every single time. I refuse to speak on the phone unless it's to my nan.

>>34217582
I pass the signature thing maybe 1 time in 50. Rest of the time I just get told to try again 5 times before they give up and get the paper slip.

Fucking retarded.

>>34217708
:(

Yeah I know, I wouldn't take pills if I really wanted to do it

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I ask this every now and then for career inspiration, but what do you do as a job, if you are neet do you live solely off neetbux?

I'm an IT cuck and it's a miserable hellhole and I want out

What's a good rope thickness to get that isn't too expensive? You know, for necking purposes.
I'm tentative to buy 6mm but should I play it safe and just buy the thicker 10mm?

I was watching Aliens and something interesting came up

The main character was cryogenically frozen and she was thawed after 60 years. She finds out later on that her daughter died at the age of 66. The main character was frozen when she was around 30 years old.

Is she younger than her daughter?

>>34217587
Once you get into the routine it's not that much trouble for free money. I spend 10 minutes a week on faking my jobsearch and 30 minutes tops in the jobcentre every fortnight.

>>34217685
>amazon basics

what a time to be alive

>>34217770
What is wrong with you? Honestly mate....

>>34217778

I'm not even clear on why they do it.

It just sounds like they're trying to make up for the people who are employed there to do. You could do it all in an online questionnaire and close all the job centres down, it would save a fortune.

>>34217802
Fuck I'm an IT cuck too
Also interested

>>34217802
neet = no job

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The world calls for cooking videos, and I answered. No greater good. No just cause.

>>34217866
Who is Kay?
Someone who featured on Jeremy Kyle?

>>34217802
Live with my parents, food and internet for 30 of my 115 fornightly bennies.

>Alien
Ripley: 30
Daughter: at youngest, 6

>Aliens is 60 years later
Ripley: 30 (cryo frozen for 60 years)
Daughter: dead at 66 (at some point during the 60 years between the films)

>>34217814

What if you're on holidays or something though?
And what's a jobsearch?

Again, if they did this all online it would be a lot less hassle.

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>>34217685
>Sister basically ignores who you are
>More interested in her phone 99% of the time we are in the same room
>14 but already the typical smoking weed and drinking type
>My birthday she refuses to eat anything at family meal and leaves as soon as possible to be with stacy friends
>Coming back home and see her at he train station, she says a short "hi" and then moves all her friends away from me telling them "we should stand over there by the stairs"

I'm not even sure what I did, I get on with my younger brother fine

>>34217700
>You can go running in a pair of 30 quid shoes

Constant sharp impact transmitted through the knee joints, cartilage completely worn out, in a wheelchair before age 40, sounds fantastic lad

Running is for cucks

Your body is made of mechanical joints that wear out just like any other machine

>>34217850
It's called self esteem issues ft. social anxiety, paranoia, and depression.

>>34217802
I live off neetbux and do some some very questionable thing to make extra money.

There are a scary amount of people out there who masturbate into/onto panties they bought online from what they thought was a girl but is actually me buying them online in bulk

>>34217809
Yes, she's younger.

Doesn't matter that she was "alive" during those 60 years she was for all intents and purposes dead. She's still 30 years old, not 90.

>>34217912
Loving all those marathon runners in wheelchairs

All 0 of them

>>34216597
oh my god

I've cooked better than her when I was 9

>>34217887
get the absolute fuck out

>>34217938

You don't see them because they killed themselves due to despair.

>>34217912
your joints and spine are more likely to fuck up from lack of doing exercise lad

unless you are running miles upon miles you will be fine, 5k per week is the sweet spot for me.

>>34217938
Obviously you can't see them.

Once you sit down in a wheelchair you are lower than the crowd and are not easily spotted.

You silly sausage,

>>34217935

Difference between chronological and physical age.

>>34217852
Normies work on different blueprints from us. They NEED someone to talk them through things and have social contact with and develop a working relationship with to help them find work.

It's bollocks, if you actually want people to find work then fire the jobcentre staff and give big companies tax breaks to hire people.

>>34217802
I'm going for something in electronics. It's entirely based on whether I can do the maths if I'll go higher than just an electrician.

Honestly if I had the space and money i'd be dabbling in making circuits right now.

>>34217848
desu their products aren't bad for the price, and because amazon is so big they just give you an instant refund if something fucks up.

>>34217904
Mine hasn't reached that age yet but she's already turning into a little bitch, what age did yours start turning into a little monster?

My brother is mostly a prick but at-least he's reasonable and level headed I guess.

>>34217899
You have to tell them if you're going on holiday, if it's more than 4 weeks or something spent out of the country your claim gets cancelled.

A jobsearch is just writing in the little booklet they give you or on the website profile you have "I applied to X job using X website" and any interviews you attend.

>>34217975

What about all the people looking at you when you run outside though?

my favourite thing about Kay is all the nice comments you lads leave :)

>>34218069
my sister was getting caught smoking drugs at about 13, so maybe even earlier than that

we have separate dads and she basically rules him, he pampers her and she takes her stacy friends to get drunk at his house while he's away.

Peasants like Kay and Lee make me want to kill myself.

Lads, I'm losing my hair. Can one of you donate your scalp to me?

>>34217866
love this anon

>>34218101
so what you're saying is your favourite part has nothing to do with her
just the comments anonymous people leave

>>34218117
>we have separate dads

So your dad is the cuck? Makes sense.

>>34218072

But if you're looking for a job it's sensible to go on holidays when you haven't got one surely?

Don't think I could cope with any of that crap, never mind the actual job! Can't stand stupid busywork shite like that. Used to get crap like that at school...Did my head in.

>>34218156
no

my dad abandoned me and her dad got cucked, we both have a step dad now but he doesn't do anything but work, watch football and cook dinner

>>34218124
Marry me!

maeybe

>>34218117
Sounds like our dad in a way, too much of a beta to be a real dad and just leaves us to our own devices.

He's broke but still throws money at my sister to shut her up.

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Tempted to get a "sensual massage" in Soho lads. Body to body. Sounds rather nice. I'm 21 years old and a virgin. Getting a bit sick of >tfw no gf. Very lonely. Have a decent job.

>tfw haven't touched breasts in 3 years
>that gap that you know what they feel like so can miss it but haven't done it in forever

>>34217904
>Sisters are 6 and 7
>Have been mini roasties ever since they started school
>They're sat in bed right now with their tablets watching youtube, their 3DS's and PHONES right beside them
>Already talking about boyfriends and posting videos of themselves on youtube
>Any time I do something nice for them they take advantage and try to abuse me
>Have to keep them at arms length like an estranged child and never show them kindness lest I be taken advantage of again

>>34218141
don't take that tone with me

>>34216133
>tfw you will never meet up with Lee in town and go to Burger King

Why do Indians always have acne scars?

>>34218252
poor genetics, also poor hygiene from upbringing and cultural factors

>>34218195
>he's touched a woman's breast
You normal bastard

>>34218120
My condolences fellow receder. Hope you can pull it off better than I can

>>34218204
>tablets watching youtube, their 3DS's and PHONES

Are computers really falling out of favor with the younger generation? Everyone had a laptop at one point but now it seems people don't bother anymore, my sister has an older hand-me-down windows 7 laptop that she hardly touches because of her ipad and iphone.

>>34218263
>poor
You mean poo right?

>>34218166
>But if you're looking for a job it's sensible to go on holidays when you haven't got one surely?

lol no, they expect you to spend every waking moment and penny you have jobhunting.

>>34218275
They think there's no point to actual computers, when you can do everything on your phone.

>>34218204
>>Sisters are 6 and 7
>>posting videos of themselves on youtube
What the actual fuck?

>>34218275
My mother is a Year 5 teacher. She's been doing this for about 20 years. A generation came through that could type and were computer literate, but the one going through primary school cannot type for shit, they only know how to use a tablet.

>>34218195
before you pay money to fug a whore try interpals

you're young and live in a massive city, there will be someone in London interested in you

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz047f3ZGMw
>"I've been told not to wash chicken because it can give you e.coli".

Lads, I went to see Star Wars: Rogue One.

The best part of the whole film was the bit at the end where Vader goes on a fun little rampage, tearing through a bunch of rebel scum.
The rest was pretty mediocre.

>>34216133
God the editing is such shite. Also did you see that fucking toast he had for breakfast? Holy fuck man. First off, why 2 white and one brown? Also that thick layer of cheap margerine, holy hell. What a disgrace.

Still. At least he has a hobby.

>went for a eye exam this week because you all said that it was like real life asmr.
>got my eyes examined by a old Indian man

fuck all of you

Had my blood pressure tested today, apparently it's a bit high and I need to cut down on salt and shit.

Looked at the GDA of most of the stuff I eat, nearly everything has fuckloads of salt in it. How am I meant to avoid it? Eat nothing but potatoes?

>>34218303
They got comments from pedo's and then my mother found out and lost her shit but then bought them phones anyway

>>34218334
really depends on who you get lad. I am lucky enough that mine is a young qt irish lady who smells like the body shop.

If it makes you feel any better when I had to get my dick examined after an "accident" years ago it was by a 6'8" german guy with hands like shovels.

>>34218332
>First off, why 2 white and one brown

Need some dessert

>>34218292

How could you spend more than a couple of minutes a week at it?

It takes about a minute to drop an email with your details or whatever, bit longer for a phone call. It's like something from a crazy drug film.

>>34218204

>Already talking about boyfriends and posting videos of themselves on youtube

Link us to their channels lad

>>34218375
when i was a wee nipper i almost got molested by an indian eye doctor

>>34218195
Even if I'm a manlet?

>>34218310
Meant for this individual not myself woopsie oregano >>34218399

>>34218252
Very oily food

>>34218390
You have to lie to them, even if you are actually looking for and want a job

>>34218399
>>34218427
yes

just give it a shot, they have threads on /int/ were people hunt for qt's on there

it's called /culturepals/ general

>>34216774
I am there now

RUN
U
N

>>34218471

What do you have to lie about?

This is a whole new world to me and I'm very glad I'm only hearing about it second hand.

>>34218263
>had friend who's dad was iranian and mum was indian
>his dad had no acne scars
>he does
Poo genetics really are shit

>>34218509
>had friend who's dad

*whose dad

You deserve to go to prison

>>34218530
Shut up. I'm just stupid okay

>>34218495
I usually lie and say I had an interview that week or they get pissy and try and set shit up for me or ask why I'm having trouble finding interviews etc. I lie and say the jobsearch is going well because it stops follow up questions.

>>34218206
sorry mummy
i've had a couple of shandys n feeling tipsy. will go to my room n slep it off

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>>34218204
>Already talking about boyfriends and posting videos of themselves on youtube

>tfw "webcam video from"

>>34218576
But do they not know where all the jobs are anyway? Isn't that what they're for?

Fuck me, it sounds like the most mental clusterfuck.

>>34218605
fucking nonce they are his child sisters

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>>34217866
no greater food
no proper seasoning

>>34218651
absolutely disappointing

>>34218620
lol no they don't bother keeping track of what jobs you apply for, they just skim your profile/booklet to see if it's filled in and that's it

I don't know what their actual purpose is.

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trying to get myself in the mood for a night walk lads, will someone posts pictures from their walks to get my boat floating?

>>34218651
Absolutely amazing!

>>34218649
He can rape them for all I care, they're little slags beyond saving. They'll grow up to be roasties and fuck over men.

>>34218669

Jesus there must be millions of books.... How the fucking fuck can you make something so simple so fucking complicated?

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>>34218670
Here is a large tree from last night's walk.

Not the best picture I'm sorry, street is pretty dark.

>>34218204
>posting videos of themselves on youtube
Sounds like my sister and her gang of bitches, they all think they're some kind of internet stars and have a fan base.

I haven't got the heart to tell her that the only people watching are probably perverts.

>>34218670
Have you been back in the bush yet or was that another anon?

>>34218734
is that poulton?

>>34218734

appreciated, anon. Its hard to get half decent pictures at night with phone cameras, over the years ive been doing it i must have taken over a thousand pictures, with maybe 50 or so that came out looking good

>>34218737
Share the wealth, friendo!

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>>34218737
>tfw you realize theres a whole community of pervs on youtube

>>34218741

nope that must be another anon youre thinking of, i post a few pictures of my walks here every now and again but never mentioned any bushes

>>34218303

All part of the (((plan))), lad.

12345

>>34218795
no shit, it's pretty fucking blatant, search on youtube for 'puffies'

>>34218795
You can tell without even being a pervert yourself, just type in social anxiety or something on youtube and sort by upload date.

All of the thumbnails with girls in them have more views than the ones with guys in them.

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>>34218827
What does that term mean?
Can't risk searching with mummy may on patrol

>>34218761
no it's not lad.

>>34218770
I know the feeling. It doesn't help that most of my town apart from the town centre is still on sodium instead of LED lights. It is really nice strolling around in the dim lights though, those LED's would ruin the calm I think

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Does anyone else feel unjustifiably self conscious about the music they listen to?

I feel mortified about the thought someone going through my music library.

Had my daily phone call with Poleaboo today

The job at Barclays Capital is going well. Today he was trying to install Hearthstone and ended up accidentally deleting a file. It turned out that the file was actually a faulty part of a trading algorithm and deleting it made $2.4million on the Asian markets. Poley is the office hero now and he's due for a six figure bonus at the end of the year.

Sadly things aren't so good with Terry. Poleaboo had a big argument with him because Terry wants to move into Poley's spare bedroom, as his savings have now run out and he can't afford to rent the flat underneath Poley's Canary Wharf penthouse anymore. Poleaboo isn't keen because he knows that if they share a flat Terry is going to end up drinking his piss sooner or later.

Also Terry has started calling himself "Abu Terry Al Britaini" and keeps quoting fundamentalist literature. Poley is worried that he won't be able to separate his radical friend from his new career in finance.

Anybody going on a trip anywhere this year?

>>34218848
what pedos call pre boobs, ill save you the time, its hundreds of playlist of accidental pre teen boob shots. really needs to be cleaned up honestly

>>34218897

Maybe you should start listening to proper music like Led Zeppelin or the Eagles

>>34218899
Scotanon this spinoff show is getting a bit preposterous

>>34218906
I plan on going camping for a weekend once we have nice springtime weather

>>34218921

way too modern for me, I don't like much music recorded after 1950. Only newer bands I like are ones that play in the style of pre 1950 music.

Found a weird youtube channel lads
>there is a whole community on youtube where people stand on everyday objects in boots

https://www.youtube.com/user/osirisvideoboy/videos

Do people really get off to this sort of thing?

>>34217802
how did you become an IT cuck? Did you go to Uni? Started working in pc world?

>>34218906
Probably going to Thailand with later in the year

>>34218947

Anywhere good? I'm going to Rome next month and I'm worried it might still be cold. It's been snowing a good bit lately. Ireland in May, France in June, Ireland again in October and then somewhere sunny for chritmas, need good recs for that.

>>34218974

How absolutely bizarre.

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Trigger Warning - Kay has striked back

>>34219007

Was there years ago, pretty cool place, great food.

I don't go much outside Europe any more. Can't be bothered with long flights, or flights in general to be honest. Too much security shit.

>>34218921
>Generic 20th century rock band

No thanks. People always slag off modern music for being simplistic and all the same. Meanwhile, bands like Led Zeppelin and Rolling Stones are just a bunch of fuddies doing shitty guitar solos and all their songs sound the same.

You could basically get any rock song from 1960-1990 and they all sound exactly the same.

>>34219029
Can't find it now but I once came across a video like that and in the comment someone said what a cute butt he had and he liked how the chair broke when he jumped on it.

>>34218955
>I don't like much music recorded after 1950

What's that on the floor lad

Is it your fedora club membership card

>>34219009
It'll be warmer than here but still mild.

https://www.timeanddate.com/weather/italy/rome/climate

>>34219081
Music elitists are the worst kind of elitists.

I like talking heads
and death grips
and joy division
and rage against the machine

lads did we find out what that gnome from last nights thread was?

Evens sleep odds take heroin

>>34219091

They've a snow warning in place for tonight

>>34219167
taking heroin induces sleepiness so win win for you there lad

>>34219167

What the homeless say, and what the homeless do, are two mutually exclusive options.

Always. Without fail.

>>34219172
it's already really frosty down my way lad

>>34219172
Is that for Rome or just the mountain regions? Its funny how the UK doesn't get that much snow considering its latitude, similar places in Canada and Russia are -30c with 5ft of snow right now.

>>34219131
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xS3TIa2gSQ
fucking love this song desu

>>34219194
I'll force myself to stay awake and try to watch something I'll forget by the morning though.

>>34219038
You should try flying business class. Makes it a lot nicer. You get to skip a lot of lines etc.

>>34219136
I rekon its just a kid, but it would require a bit of investigation.

see if theyre purpotrating a hoax then the given info cannot be trusted.

for example the photos are meant to have been taken seconds apart, how do we know that's true? could have been minutes.

the simplest excuse is usually the correct one.

>>34219228
force yourslf to stay awake on heroin
i never tried lad. take me off to gouch everytime

>>34219215
Rome. It's been like that on and off for weeks, pretty worried 'cos a lot of the eating and drinking there is on the street.

>>34219250
still think it was a gnome lad, i think the elites are hiding stuff from us

>>34219246

Still all the security fucktoonery to do. Still fly sometimes, but only when I can't avoid it.

>>34219266
I was in Milan last week. Was very chilly at night. Definitely too cold to sit outside.

Still, you've got a month and Rome is further south so it might be a lot better.

>>34219250
don't know if we found anything, but i ended up falling asleep at 3 so don't know if anything was discovered

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>>34218651
I fap to Kay exclusively now.

>>34219372
I fap to Lee.

>>34219250
Anyone got this gnome pic? I'll do a bit of photo forensics on it

>>34219383
disgusting plebian tier

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>>34219372
Someone send this to Kay or Lee, it will be funny.

>>34219393
see>>34219372

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>>34219393
I'll post my crypto gnome analysis after as well

>>34218899
Ran into Poley in an Uber Pool today, the driver was trying to strike up conversation about which Mosque he went to but Poles just kept sighing loudly and insisting he was white and that May was on point with her Brexit speech, he got off and went into Wholefoods so he must be doing alright.

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>>34219427
Initially I thought it was a gnome stealing someones katto, but further analysis drew up something different which ill post after

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>>34219447
Potentially this means that kattos are safe, but im unsure on my analysis, would need further work

>>34217307
I think when it was created that was the idea and it may very well have worked at the time. The simple fact is though, there are more people than there are jobs. If everyone had maxed out stats there would still be people without jobs because the jobs do not exist for everyone. Nevertheless, they mostly just bully robots and chavs. The ATOS fuckers and the managers though - they're the ones you need to watch.

Today's dragged lads.

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>mum wants to have another child at 50, already has 3 kids that already don't have enough
>tell her that's the dumbest, most unnecessary proposal I've ever heard
>tell her she'll die before she ever has any personal or financial freedom for herself, free from raising children
>tell her that they'll never have a proper life, or any chance of being properly raised or cared for because she'll be so old
>tell her they'll have a huge chance of birth defects
>she ends up having twins
>nearly dies giving birth, now in constant pain

>mfw she's now 53 and is crying to me about how much of a tied down workhorse she feels like because they're both autistic demon children

>>34219523
>The ATOS fuckers and the managers though - they're the ones you need to watch.

I've no intention of ever going near them, especially after hearing all this crap.

>>34219447
did we find anymore last night. it was me that thought it looked like the gnome was catching something

>>34219435
He is yeah, but he still can't cook so he was probably just buying cans of John West Skipjack Tuna to eat straight out of the can.

Although now he can afford his own Ribena.

>>34217754
Actually your liver that you will fuck up first, and they don't like giving livers to people who aren't going to take care of themselves.

>>34219569
I dont think we did and I dont think anyone has offered any other explination since then, its not photoshopped thats for sure.

>>34219622
did we know the location or anything could see if there have been sightings before

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>>34219447
>>34219462
>>34219427
It's Oakie Doke sneaking off to the local whorehouse to get his acorn sucked.

>>34219620
I'd just tell them to kill a paki and take his liver

>>34219644
It was someones backyard, dont have an exact location but it's not a heavily wooded area, they were taking photos because of the full moon that night, apparently it was some sort of moon-based event going on, like it was bigger than normal or some shit.

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>>34219622
It's definitely not shopped, I can tell that.

I'm going to have a closer look now though.

Here is the full image though if anyone is interested.

>tfw stuck on the bus filled with niggers

>>34219721
yet you get your phone out

living on the edge lad

>>34219694
The building in the background has a very Americanised style to it.

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>>34219694
Did an overlap of both images with the gnome in and without then faded, and I'd say it was likely seconds apart as the bushes are in the same position as everything else. If it was minutes apart I'd assume you'd see more differences in the nautral foliage.

>>34219691
yeah that looks yank as fuck, and if that's a bck garden it massive
i thought it was some kind of park or something

lads i think it might be a Congolese giant spider

>>34218011
I find it more reassuring to speak to someone who knows more - for example a Citizen Advice Bureau person - in person. Phones are bad but if there's a big problem it is nice to sit in a quiet room and have them go through it with you. Sorted my council tax problems right out. Can't deal with forms, they make me too anxious to the point that I might need a lie down, or collapse.

whats the story on this gnome? was it snapped up in someones "garden"?

Have you tried image searching it?

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>>34219747
True. Probably US in origin

>>34219801
That makes sense actually, even a tiny step to the side or a minute between shots would made much more noticeable overlaps.

error level analysis shows no sign of shopping either.

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>>34219864
Did the outline of the gnome through with the overlap on the image when its not there, basically just a quick outline of the anomalies to see if they appear in the other image, they do not.

Got a job interview tomorrow, don't know if I'm ready for a life of work

>>34219538

My mum had twins in her 40s. I was 16 at the time, so by the time the little shits move out she'll have had children in the house for 34 years or more. Fuck that.

>>34219941
don't do it. run for the hills anon

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The hollow earth is real.

You know it to be true.

>>34219993
The earth isn't hollow
but we all are
almost every last one of us

>>34219993
I'll only accept the hollow earth theory if it's filled with nazis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKPwtDjzJMI

>>34220018
Hitler didn't commit suicide.

He fled to Agartha.

He will return to destroy the degeneracy that rages through our society.

>>34219941

Just do a couple of weeks

>>34220063
shame he won't be starting with you

>>34220063
>He fled to Agartha.
Where now?

>>34220120
I should probably looked it up before answering. Apparently that's the name of a supposed city in the centre of the earth. I thought you just fucked up spelling argentina

>>34219564
I still need to drum up the courage to watch I, Daniel Blake but I know it's going to hit very close to home. Honestly, if you look up testimonials and whatnot online you will be absolutely staggered at the shit they pull. Triggering some suicidal depressive by saying
>'Why aren't you dead then?'
His carer asked for a break or to come back another day. They said if they left now, no more bennies.

Honestly, it's a prolonged, deliberately humiliating interrogation and they work to quotas anyway so they have to cut people off or get fired themselves.

File: 1484685055874.jpg (201KB, 1000x1000px) Image search: [Google]

201KB, 1000x1000px

Should I fuck a polish sex worker? She looks hot, I need to feel a woman somehow.

I'm 26 next week and still a virgin. Not enough time to find a gf...

>>34220166
I've heard on here that polish sex workers can be very disinterested. That sounds very attractive to me but for some not so much