In 2015 my father died. Previous to his untimely death (51 yrs

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In 2015 my father died. Previous to his untimely death (51 yrs old), he suffered from an array of health issues.

They caused him not to be able to function in daily society almost everyday.

One day he was unable to shop. He drove me to the super market to go get him some groceries.

I was so freaked out because of my social anxiety. How was I going to find all of his items? What if I needed to ask someone? What if I don't have enough money and have to run out to the car? Etc...

I wanted to conceal this so I told him that I didn't want to do it. God, it made me look like such an asshole. Perhaps I was. But it was caused my my stupid fucking anxiety.

He ended up yelling at my (rightfully so), which made me cry. Ten minutes later I walked in the store and managed to buy his groceries. This happened maybe three more times.

Then, a few days before my mom died, she had asked me to go to the store and pick her up one bag of chips. She couldn't drive. I really didn't want to, for the same reason. But this trip added a whole new factor of stress - I had to ride my bike all the way to the store. Long story short, after a lot of yelling and crying I managed to do it. Note; I knew they were in declining health, though I did NOT anticipate death. No one did.

I love my parents and this made me seem very pathetic and selfish. I think about this every day and it makes me immensely sad. Just needed to vent.