ITT: express your feelings and personal struggles

My feelings are all gone.

>>34177552
>friendzone girl
>mention what classes I will be taking this semester
>she is in 3 of my fucking classes

gona be long 4 months

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>tfw I went to mow my lawn but Dale is doing asinine stuff outside

People bore me. I just want a few creative, intelligent friends and GF in my life. That's it. Somewhere quiet like in the mountains.

>>34177552
>have nothing to struggle against
>bored to the point of depression

g-guess I'll play some m-more vidya

>Have no money at all. None.
>no car
>no support
>need to kill myself soon because it's not endurable anymore

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>>34177552
>tfw know no grills

My parents and family always ask about girls and me

I say "i dont care"

It's a lie but fuck. Worst thing is my college is full of hot grills but too gamma to talk to any or even make eye contact.

What do?

>>34177552
days late & dollars short w/ a side order of wimp lo syndrome.

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> feel lonely 24/7
> only have 1 "friend" or person to talk to, he's a normie, so basically ignores me to go to his other friends
> tfw no friends
> tfw have to go to omegle to feel less lonely
> be me, socially awkward, autistic, and shit skin
> i constantly get skipped, even by spics
> probably because i'm boring, i take out my guitar to play to drag people in
> i get a couple of roasties, they first see the guitar and get excited, then see my face and skip.
> mfw only think i look forward to is fucking work


End my miserable life.

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a rare picture of this anon in his home.

they say he was originally happy.

>Fuck up suicide attempt
>Give my mother severe anxiety because of it
>She can no longer work or leave the house most days
>Relationship with dad is all time low, divorce seems probable
>Spends most days crying and requires dad to be home even if has to go to work which leads to fighting
>Can hear them from my room everyday and know its my fault
>Be a depressed anxious KHV neet as well
>Know my father hates me so i sleep around them and only leave my room when they sleep
>Can't even attempt suicide again or run away because it'll ruin my mothers life moreso than previously stated

>>34177552
i probably have anxiety
have panic attacks pretty much daily
but have waifus so it's all good.

>>34177552
My old high school friend just told me he's getting married and I realize how little my life is amounting to, but I don't know how to change it.

I've never felt hopeless before. Now I feel that nothing is right and nothing can ever be good.

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>>34177552
>befriend customer at work and he asks for my number two weeks ago
>afterwards all he did was text and be pushy to date me, despite me saying stop
>yesterday told my coworker I had a bad feeling
>then he actually came in my store to confront me, first time seeing him since then
>I grabbed onto my desk and nearly fainted from fear
>he wouldn't take his hand out of his coat pocket
>he starts saying crazy shit while looking nervous and pale in his face
>thought he had a gun in his coat and was going to kill me
>I pick up the phone to get backup and he instantly said "WHAT YOURE GONNA TELL YOUR COWORKER THE PSYCHO IS HERE???"
>he angrily left them texted me if I wanted to hang out with him

So yeah I think I'm going to die any day now. No clue what to do

I don't have any problems, so when I face even the tiniest bit of adversity, I hold on to it and exaggerate for as long as possibly by listening to sad music and lying in the fetal position.

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>>34178049
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d13b443NKJI

>always been depressed, was going to an hero soon
>Suddenly, brother an heroes before me
>Didn't see it coming at all, he never acted sad or upset, was actually kind of a dick
>have to take care of parents, deal with things now
>Can no longer kill myself after feeling the effects it has on people that care about you
>Still completely miserable, no idea how to fix my life.

I'm even going to therapy now. I have no idea what to do. I can't even imagine a scenario that I WOULD be happy.

>>34177957
You are like me but with more confidence bc you will at least put yourself out there on omegle.

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>Spent the last 3 hours crying
>KHV
>Dropout
>No license
>parents still think I have potential
>Hate myself, meanwhile mental health is deteriorating.
>Probably will end up homeless or dead within the year

I could have enjoyed an eternity of non-existence but I was forced out of the void by my parents.

>>34178404

The past isn't important. What you did or what you didn't do doesn't mater. Focus on what you can do on the present.

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>>34177552
just anger, disappointment, suffering

>>34178062
Call the fucking cops, retard

>>34178557
oh yeah. i forgot you could do that

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>>34178448

>The past doesn't matter

Anon, read these words back to yourself and ask if you really believe it. You know it's silly.

>living life for no reason other than "I like buying things and surrounding myself with material possessions and don't like people"
>live slowly being enclosed by frivolous amazon purchases
>either that or 5 minutes of happiness when I buy other people shit and see their reaction

If I was a millionaire I'd genuinely live the same life in maybe a slightly bigger place of my own and just buy people shit all day until I rot

>>34178606
And by cops I mean your local department, you don't want to tie up emergency lines unless comes to the point becomes one

>>34178448
this is mostly true but there is an element of conditioned response that must be contended with, where one might not even have memories but emotional responses to otherwise benign situations still cause problems

>>34178689
Sort of meant to say don't like nearly everyone, I have no problem with other r9kers or other board members

>>34178637

You can't change the past. You can't change the future. What does that leave, faggot? The present. The here and now. Where you are, what you're doing this instant. That's what you can change, or make an effort toward changing. Time travel isn't real and never will be.

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>>34177552

In high school girlfriend and I went to a local fair. There was a roller coaster she wanted to ride.

Now, we were both virgins at the time so she thought it would be a good idea to lose our virginity to each other on the coaster.

>We get on the coaster.
>In the back car so no one can see us. She pulls down her shorts and she's not wearing panties.

>Diamonds.jpg

I almost lose it right then. She reaches down my pants. And that's when she found my stash.

See, from the time I was about 11, I would masturbate into a sandwich bag. When no one was home, I'd pop that bag into a pot of boiling water. I used to imagine I could hear millions of little sperm screaming. Sperm holocaust.
It was exhilarating to kill millions of things with one simple act. After a good 20 minutes in the pan, I'd let it cool and then stick it in my food dehydrator. It'd form a crust. I'd scrape it off and store it in another bag. This other bag became my stash. I always dreamed that the first time I fucked a girl, she'd pull out this stash I had been saving for years and snort it like cocaine. I formed this elaborate fantasy where she'd snort my boiled dry cum powder and I'd tongue her asshole. Well, so there I am on this coaster with my girlfriend holding my cum bag and she fucking drops it. Between the tracks. Never to be found.

>Punch her in the face.
>She screams, starts crying.
>Blood running down her face.

I don't care. Punch her in the head. Again and again. Again! Over and over! A bloody mess. Keep punching. Her head is now hamburger.

>She died.

>>34178062
roastie go splat

>>34178728
>you cant change the future

>>34178689
me too. is your room a mess? do you feel burdened having lots of shit you don't even want but can't throw away?

>>34178809
i have stacks of empty boxes under my bed as an example

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>tfw you know you're inevitably gonna crack one day, but it never happens.

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>>34178905
Enjoy being on a list.

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>>34177628
My chest hurts, I think I'm on the brink of death. Let it be known I died for your memes.

>>34177552
>like this girl a lot
>nice to each other
>other guys flirt with her
>shes perfect
>to beta/shy to ask her out
>all I can do is watch
>just watch until someone asks her out and she's gone
>don't want that
>still to fucking shy/beta to text her first or shit like that

wat do fellas?

>inb4
>ask her out
>go up and talk to her
>text her

>>34179075
go up and talk to her than ask her out then maybe text her?

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>>34178945
"never happens"

>>34179075
>wat do
>preemptively disregards helpful posts
Fight the other guys when they approach her, and scream that you love her.
Or die.

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>>34177552
Everyone i know doesn't give a fuck about me and all my "friends" use me as a shoulder to cry on.

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I never had acne in my life but over the past 4 months my face has gone from completely clear to covered in disgusting shit, right when I was starting to feel a little more comfortable and outgoing at uni

>>34177552
I have trouble speaking up, I have a monotone voice that people just talk over, it makes it really hard to converse with anyone if its not just 1 on 1. I wish I had a deeper voice

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I have been feeling incredibly lonely for the last
5 months, and 15 days. I got out of an abusive relationship, my first, and I just have this massive void now. I don't want any friends at all, i just want a gf/wife to show and receive affection from... fuck the rest.

Also:
>no car
>want to commit suicide but no viable method

too tired to even express myself nowadays. all I'll say is that I hope the world ends this year and fast.

>>34179655
Did it happen around the time you changed your sleeping environment? How old are you?

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I used to be involved in meaningless pursuits like trying to appeal to my crushes, impress people, find pleasure in video games/marijuana/music, and culture myself. I've lost interest in these things and all I want to do is go to work and make money so I can live a quiet life of comfort.

I listen to my coworkers at my new job during work about how they hate their job and how it's tiring, which I would have used to agree with, but now I only find them pathetic miserable sacks of shit who aren't worth their salt. I think I'm going to join the Marines.

found a nice girl on omegle, trying to find her
she took some pills, she was afraid. traied to comfort her untild it ended, promised to be there, but pc crashed. worried sick for her

>married
>been together dor 5 years
>want to see other girls but dont want to cheat
>cant find a good reason to ruin the 5 years together.
>stuck flirting with girl at work giving myself blue balls.

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>need to work hard at something to earn a place in society
>even then it will only be temporary, my children would have to work even harder
>everyone around me is fully submerged into society and wants me to kill myself whenever I start bitching

I'm just tired. I used to be irritated but all I feel now is the need to lie down and sleep. Feel like my life is basically over, never put in the necessary work to get the things I used to desire, can't even muster energy to find new desires. Used to have a respectably large number of friends but now I haven't spoke to anyone in years, go about my days trying to avoid others. Went so far as to move a thousand miles away from anyone I knew.

All in all, i'm terribly lonely and tired of telling myself it will get better eventually without doing any of the work required.

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>>34177552
>could spend NEET freetime bettering and even excelling at my hobbies
>instead spend it shitposting on 4chan from rise to sleep

where are my extremely lazy brothers at?

>>34178740
I hate you for making me read that shit

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I hope she loves me, I don't know how I could live knowing a person like her exists and not being in a relationship with her. She's perfect in every way but I'm too much of a coward to confess to her.

>>34180048
I don't think my sleeping environment is the cause. I moved into my dorm fall of 15 and my acne didn't flare up til this past fall. I'm 20

I'm inferior to almost everyone. I barely feel like I'm human. Just an inferior life form to look down on and pity.

This is what happens to people with severe disabilities who let it eat away at them until there's no motivation left. Hell, I'm even inferior to most others with the same disability.

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>>34181109

>>could spend NEET freetime bettering and even excelling at my hobbies
>instead spend it modding games I can't understand and skyrim


I've spent days modding skyrim but I don't even really like it that much, I can browse mods for hours to make better giantess material that I might post here if anyone is interested

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I got into a fight with my retarded chad-ass best friend this friday, nigga doesn't reply to my calls or messages, this shit bursted my normie bubble and is slowly making me realize the magnitude of my misery as an autistic fuck who just got lucky by getting true friends for the very first time.
The girl I've been cyberfucking for like a year or so sent me feet pics, that was cool I guess. My hopes for a healthy emotional development are pretty much dead by now, I'm 19 and I feel like if dead was around the corner

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>>34177552
>tfw unable to make human connections
>tfw too frightened to talk to people out of the fear of rejection
>tfw tired of neighboring tenant harassing my family but too beta to do something
>tfw no gf
>tfw fear that I'm too stupid for engineering
>tfw hate my current job
>tfw ugly

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>made lots of new friends over the last year
>have an increasing urge to cut all contact with them

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im at war with myself
i was dumped on my ass by my gf of 4 years
At this point in my life im done trying to date girls or even talk to them
i need to work on myself but im not sure what path to take ... so thus im at war with myself

I don't really experience emotions anymore.

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>gf of five years left me a year ago
>still think about her everyday
>have zero social contact outside of my parents and siblings as i still live at home at 22
>they resent having me in their house
>cant sleep normally
>have to stay up until i literally cant keep myself awake or ill just sit there for hours in bed consumed by suicidal thoughts and depression
>consequently stay up until 3-6 am, wake up at 12-3
>quit work a month ago, going back to a different job in 3 hours
>literally only doing it so my parents dont shoot/kick me out and i can buy some more coke and weed

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Express my feelings?

I want my /r9k/ back, I want to talk to people without someone posting a picture of themselves on here instead of snapchat. I'm tired of people making threads asking girls questions when there is several other boards for that. I'm tired of traps raiding us to collect closet orbitters. I tired of camwhore worshippers groups spamming us. And at last I'm tired of moving from place to place after a community I try to be a part of turns to shit.

Those are my feelings at the moment.

I'm starting to seriously wonder if I'll make it past 30. I can't see a worthwhile future for myself that's achievable. I spend nearly all my free time distracting myself from real life, and I've done so nearly every day for as long as I can remember. I can feel myself starting to stop caring about things. I used to care if I was sleeping enough, if I had unhealthy habits, if I'd still have my teeth when I turned 50. I don't care about those things anymore. I don't actively want to die, not usually anyway, but I have this feeling like I'll inevitably end myself anyway. Like I've accepted it. I feel like I'm a little less than human. I have good days, at least half of them, but I always feel empty deep down, and these thoughts never leave me even when I can enjoy escapism.

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>started making friends back in early 2016
>quiet at all time
>they're drunktards
>boring normies talking about when they're gonna get drunk, how many drinks they had the last night,how awesome it taste this and that drink.
>I cut all contact with them because of that
>they didn't even get concerned
>get used to not going outside for months
>sometimes regret it
>it was my chance to be saved but i fucked it up

>>34184289
I haven't even been here that long, and I can see your point. Makes me wish I had started lurking here earlier. Maybe that's a good thing though, this place can be kind of cancerous to a person's worldview and if I had digested these opinions when I was younger I don't know if I would be in as good of a place as I am now.

>>34184418
Whoops, meant this to be a reply to >>34184276

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>>34177552
>NEET
>cant drive
>overweight
>health issues due to sedentary lifestyle
>mind fucked from using research chemicals and other drugs

Too scared to die but hate my life

I somehow let the fact that I'm going bald (have tried all the stuff except HT which I can't afford) destroy my entire life.

Literally caused me to go NEET for 4 years.

Obviously there's deeper rooted issues but I'm still perplexed how it can affect me this much.

Never been to a therapist but I'd be interested to know what kind of mental disease I have for this to affect me so much.

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> be mentally ill gay lolicon/pedo
> not sure how to deal with life

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I just sent a girl a message that was a variant of "Please respond"
She has previously said that if she didn't want me in her life, she'd say it so I might as well push it to the limit

>>34177552
I wanna get a job but I have no experience and I have no idea on how to write a proper cover letter and resume.

I work 9 hour days in a job I hate.

I have a two hour commute one way with it as well.

I come home, eat my dinner, take my NyQuil and go to bed.

The worst part is, the job is mailroom. All I do is mail shit to people.

>>34183142
how'd you make friends? :\

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>Tfw you are a boring person with no passion or a real interest.
>Tfw you hope that an event out of your control will happen and safe you from your boring life.

>>34177552
>wake up early to setup sleep schedule
>so dark lonely I just want to sleep
>lack of sleep makes keeping it together hard
I am so damn lonely it hurts and I want to cry.

my friends are really fucking normies I hate them they're so fucking edgy like trying to be cool in front of someone but it's just make me cringe. Shit god why the fuck people like them exist.

I'm kind of going out with a cute girl but she won't make a fucking effort in the positive direction, even though it's obvious she cares. We even kissed for fuck's sake

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>>34177552
>there is no afterlife, making me feel uneasy trying to compute the concept of non-existence
>I want to kill myself but my family will fall apart if I do
>considering the pros and cons of waiting for extreme longevity until the 2050s and 60s instead of killing myself
>slight tinnitus makes silence annoying
>hate women and treat them like subhumans but deep down I want to be a nice white knight and have a cute family with cute kids
>scared of intimacy so even if I get a gf somehow, I'll probably sperg out or not know how to do "couple stuff" or fuck
>most people seem narrow-minded and uninformed, making it hard to talk about anything substantial and thus, connect on a deeper level
>have slight hypochondria so have to cope with "do I have MS, cancer, heart desease etc." for several hours on a weekly basis

>even /r9k/ thinks I'm ugly
seriously considering suicide now

>>34187074
Do it and your journey to the Dark Side will be complete

>>34186632
i relate to this feel. Let's hope for WW3 buddy

>>34179075
Go up to her and text her
it always works

>>34187575
A hard truth is better than a soft lie
Check it, anon

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>>34177552
SCREEEEE REEEEE REEEEEEE
NORMIES GET OUT REEEEEEEEEEE
OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT
REEEEEEEEEEEE SCREEEEEEEE
REEEEEEEEEE

That about sums up my internal monologue.

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>begin wagecucking
>feel even more hopeless than before because I'm finally starting my bondage to this slavery
>not motivated for anything now

>>34187279
I would suck as a soldier though. Thanks for once again confirming i am not the only one who feels this though.

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>have legitimately started wanting to go to the local church, literally down the road
>buried under college work
>family still think I have potential
>just want to go up to the kindly old priest and hug him

I can't help it if he looks like my great granddad.

>it's another "anon dreams of girl he liked and wakes up depressed" episode

>>34186482
how's the pay? It sounds alright. You're just looking at it with the glass is half empty mentality. Personally, I'm alright with something mundane and unsatisfying. Is there a work culture (meeting other mailmen)? The commute does suck. Can't you ask to transfer somewhere closer to where you live?

I am seriously considering just cutting off ties with all my family members and starting anew somewhere. I'm 25 and ever since I've been 21, everyone fucking expects me to do everything. they dump every issue or problem on me. My mother died when I was 21 and ever since i've been having to look after my 3 step siblings (which includes taking them to school, cooking for them and just generally taking care of them), since their father is a fucking illiterate. I'm constantly criticized no matter what I do, constantly put down when I slip up.

I love these kids to fucking death but when I see how the future will probably turn out, it just feels like it's never going to end.

>>34177552
>Bro-tier girl that happens to be my first (and only) kiss lives in another city
>feel like i'll fail all my uni classes
>no friends in this city
>landlady wants to jew more money out of me
>feel useless and a weight on my parents wallet

>>34189056
The pay is bad for my city (NYC).

I don't like mundane stuff. I like being challenged and doing something productive. I didn't go to college for a dead-end mailroom job. This required a degree. I wanted a sales job, they sent me to mailroom.

I have no friends at work. It's all Stacie's and Chads.

I can't move closer. It's too expensive to move closer to work. I literally don't qualify for any place in the city that's not in a bad area where I will stick out like a sore thumb. It's the 4th most expensive city to live in.

>>34184045
lol nigga im at war bc im thinking of dumpin my gf of 8 years because I want to focus on myself and do things i want and not worry about someone else.
I just want to FUCKING DO WHAT I WANT ALL THE TIME FUCK

btw im 24, slightly chad and make 75k a year in CO...

I should just pull the trigger..

>>34189065
Dont do that please. Your kind of people keep me from hating everyone. Hang in there, i believe that you would really regret leaving them. Trust me on that.

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Im done this is getting so hard

Everytime I start changing and turning my life arround my body enters on meltdown and starts to fail

>shaking
>having the constant need to go to the bathroom
>sweat
>dizziness

I wish to change and i want to enjoy life but it's literally impossible when my entire body is against me all the time

the only way to be at peace is staying at home but i want to improve myself and have fun doing things outside without having to worry

I used to be able to do things, but now I can't and it's only getting worse

send help

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>Recently passed my test and had my granddad buy me a car
>Literally know nothing about cars, how to fix them, what might break etc.
>My dad is taking care of everything for me, taking it to the garage without me, getting all the right checks done on it and such
>Tfw as soon as my dad passes im gonna be completely fucked if anything happens to my car

I fucking hate driving in general desu. Everyone on the road seems very angry and I can't stop stalling the fucking thing on hills.

I don't mean to sound edgy but I can't feel very much pleasure anymore. Everything feels dull, no strong emotions to drive or motivate me to do anything. Everything melts away after a short while.

Only thing I usually can feel is depressed. I had a heart attack scare last year and I thought that would be a wake up call to finally motivate me to better myself. Thankfully it was just a massive panic attack but the fear of a heart attack melted away too and I've stopped trying again.

I don't know how long I can keep going feeling so aimless and the only thing I can do to put off the sorrow is eat even though I'm not hungry.