My first post, please help me

She said that everything I was doing was making her angry. She said it's because of all these years when I was doing nothing except complaining and making her life miserable. She said she wants to break up, but somehow I managed to convince her to do the separation thing.
She also got a job offer to work in Japan, as a waitress on a japanese cruise ship. That was a once in a lifetime chance for her, she always wanted to go to japan (she can speak 5 language fluantly, including japanese). The plan was that she goes to work there, I'll go to work in the UK and that'll give her time to think about us.
So she went there, and I used that 6 monts of her absence to get better for her.

I found a permament job in the UK (shitty blue collar job but I'm not complaining, my firts real job in my life), I lost weight (I was fat all my life), I made friends (for the first time ever), including 1 best friend (one of the mates even said that he endures the work because he can speak with me and if I leave that job he'll leave to), I started to cook by myself, I rented a nice room in a good neighborhood (to live in a flat is still to expensive for me) and I did all of this to get better for her.
When we met up again, she said that I don't gave any chance to be with her and she knew this all along, even before she went to Japan. She gave me false hope. She said that she doesn't want to see me anymore and that I should leave her alone. She still doesn't believe that I've changed and said that it's too late, she had enough of my shit.

Couple of wors about her - she's smart as fuck, she can speak english, italian, german and japanese fluently, she works hard (her day wjen she was studying - get up at 5 am., go to the train station, 1,5 hour ride to her uni, stay there for 7-9 hours, another 1,5 hour ride home, go to work as a waitress in a restaurant, go home at 11 pm., study, go to sleep). She was also working on weekends, sometimes up to 16 hours a day. She can do all by herself, if she wants to learn new stuff, she just does.
Now the most important aspect - she alway told me she's asexual. Over almost 6 years we've had sex less than 20 times. I'm a fat robot with unquenched sexual drive and this was torturing me but I've tried to hold on becasue I love her so much.

And now the worst part - couple of days ago she told me she found a boyfriend, a japanese guy. I've always knew that's her dream - to have a japanese boyfirend. That hit me hard, but that's no all. I've asked her what is his opinion about her asexuality, You know, sexual stuff being important for other people in a relationship.
She told me she wants to fuck him soon. I asked, but what about her asexuality? She said she's changed, she never found me attractive and her saying that she's asexual was baically just an excuse to not have sex with me, even when she said it's not my fault, it's just the way she is. She said that she wanted out of our relationship after about a year but she stayed with me for that long because she knew I would propably kill myself if she did (she's right).

Now I'm devastated, I've lost all will to live, I dont have the energy to do anything. I sleep 12 hours a day, I've bought a really nice gaming pc but I don't play anything for about a month now, I've started eating garbage again and gainde 10 kilos already, I don't work out anymore (I was doing some calisthenics before).
I'm thinking about an heroing every day but I dont have the balls to do it. I already know how to do it (train), but I'm too afraid. My only reason to live hates me and admitted that se was lyong to me for almost 6 years. All those times she said she loves me, all those times she saind I'm handsome but she just doesn't feel the need to have sex, all those times she said she wants a quiet life with me, all that were lies.
Someone please help me and kill me because I can't do it myself. Oh, did i mention I have a small dick, fat tits, a face that looks like a roadkill, bad eyesight (so I can't join the army) and no special talents/skills to proggress in life?

You are alone now, and free of her expectations.

Even if you gifted her the Moon, she wouldn't have had you. It's alright dude, I know it's hard, but no matter how smart she is, she's always a female.

You're on your own, you can make yourself better for your own sake now.

How bad is ur face?
Post a pic so we can give advice on wheter u should off yourself or keep trying.

OP here, she is the oneitis. She was my goal in life, to make her happy, to earn enough money to buy a place and turn it into a cafe or a bakery for her (she can cook and bake really well). And I still want to be friends with her, I can't just ignore all that time spent with her, thinking that finally there's someone who loves me and wants to be with me

>>34163563
>After that, I went for another 3 months to work in Netherlands.

Polish plebs out.

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Please don't kill yourself anon.
Even though life is shit you can still find a reason to be stuck in it.

(I dont know if You can see that I'm the OP so I'll write OP HERE every time, I don't know how it works) The thing is, she never lied to me, and now she tells me that she hated the time we were together because of my depression, she still doesn't believe that I was really sick and she thinks it was just an excuse to avoid doing anything with my life

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>>34163563
Anon, please, for gods sake, try keeping it together, you've managed to do SO MUCH for her. Now it's time to do this for yourself.

She's a huge bitch for even talking to you after a breakup, I'm sorry to say this, cause you think of her so highly, but it's true. If she had any feelings for you left she would've ignored you from that point, certainly not telling you she's planning to fuck someone else.

If you've managed to find her, you'll manage to find another girl, this time you'll be your own man and try not doing same mistakes.

I'm afraid to post my or her picture here, it's the internet after all. Writing and posting this was hard for mea already, I've never done such thing, but I'll try

>>34163652
Interesting situation OP, my only advice would be to try and move on in life, there are plenty of things to live for other than your girlfriend like tv, music, videogames, space, eating, morals, guns, reading and other crap.

Moving past her will most definitely be a long and harsh road but you need to make it though for your own sake, you need to find things to live for, also if you can find them, non-drug crutches are always good, personally I like to watch tv when I can't do anything else, try some light comedies like Benidorm.

>>34163838
Cover eyes or something, its not like ur a celeb or something.

Wow end your life you shit

(OP) It's not that I've found her, it was her that said that we're a couple forn now on, she said that my only redeeming quality was that I was funny (sometimes). I'm trying to compress the picture to post it

Damn dude .... but the way i see it is she cared enough about you to stay with you for six years. You must have a good personality (you did make friends at your workplace) . So the only thing that you need to improve with yourself is your looks.. Stop fucking up all the hardwork you have put in your self development . I think she must have been your 1st girlfriend and now you feel you wont find another but these feelings will pass !

(OP) Shit, how do You do that? For someone who spend all his time in front of a computer i'm really bad at this

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OK, I've got this

>>34163563
you could have saved your time not posting here, the only reply is: gtfo normie

>>34164004
not ugly in the slightest, clean up, shave\trim. And go back there, she's gone but you're still here.

and look at it this way you had such an amazing girlfriend despite being a fat depressed neet ... Get /fit , get a job , swim in pusssy ??/ Profit ???

(OP) I can tell You more about myself here. I started a IT technician course in 2014 but I've resigned after couple of months. The hardware stuff was ok, but the thing I wanted to learn the most, which is basic proggramming was too hard for me. I've told You, it seems that I can't improve at anything, not the car driving, not in playing games which I've been playing for couple of years now (I still get my ass kicked), not in studying economic and finacnes

>>34164004
Lol you look much better than me.
If you have bitchtits try to get your diet and testosterone in check, work out in general and youre fine. Forget her or she will cause much more pain.

>>34164077
i tried programming too but found it boring so now i'm into web development ... much easier and rewarding .

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>>34163563
>I had a girlfriend for 5,5 years
Stopped reading there, get off my board normalslime.

(OP) I don't know why, maybe it's because the depression, because I was a pretty smart kid (went to primary school earlier than usual, could speak english, write and read when I was 3), but now it's gone. Also, about girls, I can't flirt. It's like I treat both genders equally, I speak with women like I'm talking to a guy friend so they don't know I have something more on my mind. I can't explain it properly, but all of my guy- and girlfiends noticed it. It's like my brain is a feminist or sjw or something

>>34164004
You look good but
: Grow out the beard
: get lasik
: grow out the hair

>>34164004

You're good looking. You said you were improving in the UK. You can make it in life. Please don't give up.

>>34164004
What the fuck?
You look ok to me. Just take off the beard and lose a little bit of weight. If you still have big tits you could get estrogen/testosterone checked or something.
You really don't have to off yourself. Just lose a little weight, ignore the girl and try to survive. You'll get better.

>>34164143
nothing wrong with your brain kiddo you're just acting like a betacuck and see no future sexual encounters with these women and so you treat them on the same level as you do men.

>>34164136
literally this. gtfo to >>>/adv/

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(OP) Yeah, about the beard. I would love to have one, but the biggest one I had looked something like this. Also, I can't grow a moustache. For a while I thought I have aspergers, because I act strange, can't read people's emotions, don't look other people in the eyes, even when I'm talking on skype

>>34164143
You can speak with them as you wish, but if you want relationships, you need to get into male role either way.

Otherwise listen to these gents >>34164208. There's a whole board dedicated to giving advice and you're just depressed cause of a breakup.

Gl anon.

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(OP) It also hits me hard that my ex gf is the sweetest, most kind and helpful person in the face of this planet, but she acts like she hates the very fact that I exist. I'm the only person she hates, the only one she has negative feeling towards. And deep down I feel like I deserve it, for the fact that I didn't improve for her when I still had the chance

>>34163563
I think i know whats going but i need to know one other thigbg to be certain.
What was your living arrangements like?
Explain in detail please.

(OP) You mean how were we living all those years? We were studying together in a city far from home, living together in a suprisingly spacious studio apartment.

>>34164359
Who was paying for it??
If you were splitting, was it evenly?
During the time you were traveling to work who was paying rent and the bills?

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Look, seriously?
It gets better.
Which is disgusting, because it basically means that you're living in incremental steps and that whatever your life with her was, it was deciduos and meaningless and probably the same will be valid for whatever in your life, but it gets better.

It gets better phisically. In 2 years you will think less about her, you wont feel sick all day, you wont randomly cry when you watch a movie alone.
Not much you can do about it.
Pick a hobby I guess.

I started playing guitar and it's pretty fun and keeps my mind occupied

t. I have been and I still am there.

>>34164297
is the pic her? if so she is very pretty

The apartment was paid mostly by our parents, we contributed a little. She was working as a waitress and a hosstess, I was washing the dishes in a resaurant or moving furniture or helping out with house refurbishings. Most of the money we earned went on food, cinema, eating out somewhere etc. She was not a gold digger or anything if that's what You're asking for

>>34164228
No, you don't want to go for that. Looks in the previous pic were alright. Trim it, read a book and do something. Keep some distance away from her and live on. Trust me, you will be fine. Some people are assholes, for sure so try spending more time with some of your friends. The best I can say to you is to keep off drugs and keep in touch with the right people (friends). At the moment your life might seem like shit, but the bad times will roll and the good times will come.

>>34163563
Your story seems like the plot of the movie Soul Kitchen (2009) It's a german movie, and you can watch it for the feels. The feels might kill you, since you just went through something similar.

(OP) Yes, that's her. She looks kind and that's how she is, she's hardworking and she never did that stereotypical "women's drama" (acting like a bitch on period, lying, arguing for the sake of arguing etc.). She's down to earth, she doesn't really care about money as long as she has enough to live simply and happily. I can't stress this enough, she is a perfect human being, waifu material

>>34164471
The parebta splitting thw rent, was it 50/50? What about the bills?
You mentioned you lived in a pretty spacious apartment so, plus she has some textbook signs of hypergamy.

>>34164597
Parents*
By far not original

(OP) Yes, the parent were splitting the bills 50/50. It was a studio flat, or a bachelor's flat as we call it (kitchen, bathroom and 1 room), it's just the only room was pretty big for a studio. What's hypergamy and what are the symproms?

(OP) OK, I've chekced that hypergamy thing. No, definitly not, her family is way more rich than mine.

>>34164640
Hypergamy os women wanting yo marry up
But it is also referred to trading up(i.e her dumping you when she found a better gig and the japanese guy who suddenly sparked her libido).

The thing about hypergamy is tjat they will stay with a guy they dont really like until something better comes along.

>>34164228
of course it'll look like shit if you just grow it out ! you need to get it properly shaped one a week from the barber . Once it's properly shaped it can do wonders to your looks .. i started getting a lot more attention from women once i grew a beard .

(OP) I used to think that the only thing that wasn't perfect about her was her asexuality, but later I've stopped thinking that. But as it turns out, she's not asexual, she would rather lie and not have sex at all than have sex with me. And to clarify, she wasn't cheating or anything like that. How do I know it? Trust me, if You knew her You would be sure too

>>34164702
Not sure it is for me
Do you know if her parents could afford or were willing to provide her own place, if she didn't wanna live with you?

(OP) As You've propably deducted, I'm quite introverted. No matter how much I like the person I'm speaking with, after a short while I wish to just stop and go somewhere else and be alone. This includes even my best friend. Also, I've tried looking people in the eyes when I talk with them brecause I don't want to be beta forever, but every time i do this it's like there's a hot needle gettint deeper and deeper into my brain and I have to look away eventually.
Yes, her parents could easily afford a place like this for her alone, so again, it's not that. She told me it's like she felt trapped in relationship with me and she felt truly free and happy when I went abroad to work

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Another picture of her in Japan. Why do I hate that she's smiling so much?

>>34164819
Then i don't know.
Good luck with everything though.

>>34164852
She has an autistic face. Be glad you spared your kids from inheriting that.

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And that's her new boyfriend. She also has some nerdy-robotey interests, like LOTR (the book, including silmarillion), anime, manga and some game, mainly binding of isaac. I've showed her Isaac when it came out (2012?) and she played it so much that she got the STOP PLAYING message on her title screen

>>34164004
You'll make it anon, just try and forget about her, she won't come back and doesn't deserve you anyway

(OP) I've tried flirting with one of my female coworkers, just to check if I can, because I've never done it. She was funny and cute and she made some jokes about me wanting to be her boyfriend. So I've tried and it didn't work out, she told me that's shes asexual (yes, really) and although she has a boyfriend, they don't really fuck. I was like "no fucking way, am I like asexual girls magnet of what?" But then my best friend, who is waayyy more confident around women tried flirting with her and she was pretty sexual in her jokes and flirting. So it's like women switch off their sexuality just to get rid of me or something. Suffice to say, that also hit me hard

>>34164297
>>34164852

look people this is what people mean when they say they are fucking 7-9/10 lol

that bitch is 6 on a good day my friend

(OP) Yeah, my friends also call her a bitch for treating me like that, but the thing is, if the've met her, she would change their opinions after just a quick conversation. It's incredible how fast she makes friends and how nice she is, and it just baffles me that I fucked up so bad that she turned into a joseph stalin embodiment just for me

>>34163563
What a surprise, shit self esteem, just like 90% of the faggots that post here.

I don't even know what your fucking problem is, sounds like you need to dump the bitch since she wasn't supporting you.
Move on. Find some hobbies, make the most of your free time. Anti-depression medications are bullshit and can permanently fuck you up even further, avoid them at all costs.

>>34165163
Stop with that shit already OP.
You've cried enough for your hole life already. Now:
>MAN
>THE
>FUCK
>UP

And go keep yourself busy. Girls ain't all in this world.

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>>34164004
You look alright OP, don't fuck it up now, you can have another qt patootie in no time

(OP) I was thinking the same about medication, so I went to a psychologist to seek some help. After a handful of appointments, she told me that my case is pretty severe and that i should take some meds. I said fuck that, I wanted help and she basically said that I should go somewhere else. So I went to another psychologist, in another city. Not only she said the same, she also added that I'm the most severe case in her entire career, that it's incredible that I still function, that it's terrifying how apathethic I am and that I should get some meds as soon as possible. Useless bithces, when I think about the money I've spent on their useless "advice" I want to bang my head on the wall

>>34165293
Psychologists are useless dude, I used to go to one and it was the most wasted money ever, and I bought Fallout 4 on release

(OP) It's not just about "gettint a girl", it's more about Your only reason to not anhero yourself lied to You and hates You, it's about not having a goal in life, it's about having a panic attack when trying to make an important decision (even when sending a CV online), it's about being a dissapointment to my family (they had high hopes and expectations for me, me being a smart kid and all). It's also about losing will to do the only escapist thing that I enjoy to do (playing vidya). I've finally bought a gaming rig, includin gamin headset, xbone controller, a steering wheel with a shifter and a wheel stand pro and a FUCKING HEAD TRACKING DEVICE and just letting it collect dust because I don't have the will and energy to play anything

>>34163563
>coming up to 9/10 when she smiles.
She is a guaranteed 4 like you OP

>>34163572
>She also got a job offer to work in Japan, as a waitress on a japanese cruise ship.
This is too retarded to be true

>>34163652
>train
Nope. Fuck off some other way.

(OP) I even signed a contract for unlimited mobile data so I could take walks and play Ingress while meeting new people and being social and all, but it's useless now, I haven't even touched that game for at least 3 months, I haven't left my room for any other reason than going to work (I order takeaway food all the time). I don't know why it's happening, why I don't have any energy. It's not depression, when I was ill I didn't feel any emotion (or at lest very few), now I have all these FEELS and I hate it.
Also, it's true, she works on a ship, she gets over 2000 USD per month (after tax), she doesn't have to pay for accomodation or food or even plane tickets to get to Japan. The only downside is she works about 10 hours a day, 7 days a weel but that's not bothering herr, she's a fucking cyborg, set to ARBEIT MACHT FREI mode all the time.

>>34163591
Your problems will be solved if you get the fuck out of the UK. We're full.

Thanks for sharing your story OP. Similar shit going on here. Made me feel better/less alone.

RL-friends, 4chan humor, spending good time with yourself, focus on work, and be sure, that in the end its meant to be that way.
And don't forget the other few million dudes, who suffer from a similar shit right in that moment.

>>34165536
(OP) Nice try. That was funny, thank You.

(OP) Also, why not a train? It's probably the most efficient and least painful way to anhero. Yes, the train will be delayed but that's why it's better to do this at night, wear dark clothes and lie on the tracks instead of jumping.

>>34165637
post result when finished plz.

>>34165637
IT's annoying for other people

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I am the Japanese guy she is dating. Fuck you buddy, she is mine now. Oh and trust me she isn't "asexual".

(OP) The plan is as follows:
Wear dark clothes, get alcohol and weed (sleeping pills maybe?). Check the train schedules, choose a train late at night. Set a timer on the phone, go to the desired spot (preferably a place where the tracks are turning and there are some trees/bushes near the tracks). Start getting drunk AND high early enough. Set up a phone witch a flashlight on recording the deed. Put the head on the tracks, wear a hoodie so it's harder to spot. Optional: cover the head/torso in some bushes/ branches so the driver doesn't realise that he hit a human. Hold an ID in the hand so it's easier to identify the body later. Get rekt, phone is recording everything. Leave a note to the ebst friend to upload the video later on 4chan/gore videos website later.
The only problem for now is how do I get my PC back to potatovodkaland so my borther can use it. It was quite expensive and I don't want it to go to waste.

Also, I don't have enough courage.

>gf
>friends
>job

Normie alert

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Work out, become a Chad, and leave this place.

>>34165859
killing yourself because of a WOMAN is the stupidest thing that I've ever heard
allow yourself to live 1 more year, and you'll be mortified when you remember that the idea even crossed your mind

(OP) As I've written before, it's not just about he woman. It's about the general situation, lack of perspectives for a better future, the feeling that no matter what I do I'll never achieve success. It's just that the only thing I can think of is dying of heart attack or cancer (grandfather had cancer, grandma has her second cancer right now {liver}, mother had a cancer already so they had to cut her lady parts out). Until then, I'll be like a houseplant, not living but simply vegetating.

Also, my zodiac sign is cancer. COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOOOT!!!11

take a high dose of Ketamine or DMT and you will be fine.

(OP) Where do I get that? And how much do I need to make it work? I've heard that some pills have this safety switch, that if someone tries to overdose, it makes them throw all up.

>>34165998
how long have you been feeling this way?
several years?
if not, don't be a little dummy and wait at least a year. 'vegetate' if you must...

>>34164004
you look really good op, don't be dumb and throw away your life for some roastie (slut) loving that 2 inch japanese dick. you can find another girl easily, especially if you simply lost some weight, grew out your beard.

>>34165998
If you want a story that'll really push you to kill yourself, or get better, check this out

https://storybroadventures.wordpress.com/about/storybros-magically-lewd-sleepover-adventure/

You'll either find meaning out of it and get another way to look at life, or you'll want to kill yourself, either way you win right?

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>>34163652
honestly what you just wrote OP made me cry, I'm very sad right now
I hope that venting out on this at least made you feel a lil better, we're here for u
Now, for the practical stuff, it seems like you're still close to her: don't be. Block her out of your life, she's emotionally abusing you when she tells you about her sex life and shit and the worst part is that you're becoming depending on this shit
We love you OP, you will get better. I know it's hard but it will get better, you have friends and now a chance to start over. Just don't kill yourself.

>>34166200
(OP) I've started to feel like this already in 2011, on my second year of uni studies. It was getting worse until 2015, that was probably the lowest point. Then I went away to work abroad and the change of surroundings and having work, money and not feeling completely useless, taking my gf for holidays, that helped me and I got better. Then she told me she hates me, so I got a goal - to get better, to start doing something. I was feeling pretty good but recently she told me about her new boyfriend, that she actually likes having sex (just not with me), that she lied to me for the past couple years and no matter what I do I'll never get her back. That was like the last straw, suddenly all the things I've done felt pointless and I've been like that for the past 3 months.

>>34166169
instead of killing yourself and being foolish, you could talk to us about personal improvement and then in time, you'll look back on this moment in your life and think ''wow how fucking stupid that all was, i've improved so much now''.

How do you not have sex with your gf for 5,5 years without notiing theres something wrong tho, like legit my gf and I were banging after a good 2 months and I'm ugly af

>>34165774
keked and rekt

>>34166319
okay then, you have my permission to kill yourself
I mean, it still sounds pretty retarded but whatever

>>34164964
dude what the fuck he's really basic and ugly compared to u, wtf

also, she's not that qt, sorry to burst out your bubble. you two are average people, you think she's beautiful because... you're still in love with her

it will get better, OP

>>34166361
(OP) She told me she's asexual, that she doesn't have the sex drive at all. I've been reading about all that asexuality stuff and it seemed that she's honest with me. We had sex couple of times but it was only because she knew it was important to me and she felt bad that I can't vent off(is that how You say it?). But she never seemed to enjoy it, she never was the engaging side, it was pretty pathetic actually. I've tried to improve, reading all that shit "how to be better in bed", "how to arouse my gf" but it didn't work, she said it's all in her head and she can't change it so I've accepted it. I've managed to beg her for couple of handjobs (the cringe is killing me now) but she hated it. That's why it hit me harder than it should when she told me she actually wants to fuck witch someone.

>>34164004
jesus christ you're a fuckin abomination, how tf did u get a gf

>>34166481
do you have nudes of her?

>>34163652
>>34163634
>>34163615
>>34163591
>>34163572
>>34163563

This sounds like some sort of gay asian masculinity fanfiction

No western woman's dream is to have a littledick manlet japanese boyfriend

>>34166481
ok sorry OP I thought you were cucked out of sex but that does sound more believeable

>>34166481
lol, fuck that shit OP
you are lucky that she left you
this will benefit you in the long run

your ex-gf isn't worth the psychological torture of having to beg for unenthusiastic 'sex' with an expressionless doll

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>>34166509
(OP) No, I wanted to take some but she hated that idea. These are the most "erotic" fotos i have

>>34163652
I hear you brother,

> I have a small dick
> fat tits
>a face that looks like a roadkill
>bad eyesight
>no special talents/skills to progress in life?

but you gotta pick yourself up and stop pummelling yourself into the dirt like that. all those poor unfortunate fuck that have been foresaken, I know the at least have they selves to count. but you? you dont even have. you have foresaken yourself. your a human being for goodness sake. open your window and and shout from your lungs that you are a human being goddamn it.


as for her it, it happens. I had one for 10 years and it fell apart. there lessons to be learnt from this. learn them and address your self to the task of bettering your quality of life.


also. dont fall for the self improvement bullshit, that not to say dont improve your life. seek out that friend of yours, listen to his worries. if you see some angry bum try and talk to him. self sacrifice is also a way.


good luck homie, I'll see you out there.

>>34163591
>job in the UK

Stopped reading there get the fuck out you foreign cunt.

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Another foto of her

>>34166608
she ugly yo
you can do better T B H

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>>34163634
>She told me she wants to fuck him soon. I asked, but what about her asexuality? She said she's changed, she never found me attractive and her saying that she's asexual was baically just an excuse to not have sex with me

That's literally my first suspect about any asexual couple.

>>34166546
Filthy weeaboo girls, specially if obsessed with Korean idols, have yellow fever.

(OP) As far as I know her type of guy is a lanky, ginger, greeneyed man with boyish looks and this type of "like a grenade went off in them" hair. Also, white of asian. I know, that sounds like a typical weeaboo girl but that's because SHE IS ONE! That's why she's so great! Can't You see? She's fucking perfect for all the nerds and weaboos and shit because she is one of them! She likes games! She likes playing games in co-op! She doesn't like goint to clubs, she prefers to cuddle with a blanket and hot chocolate and watch LOTR again! That's what hurts me so much, that she was a perfect waifu material and I fucked it up

>>34163634
>And now the worst part - couple of days ago she told me she found a boyfriend, a japanese guy. I've always knew that's her dream - to have a japanese boyfirend. That hit me hard, but that's no all. I've asked her what is his opinion about her asexuality, You know, sexual stuff being important for other people in a relationship.
>She told me she wants to fuck him soon. I asked, but what about her asexuality? She said she's changed, she never found me attractive and her saying that she's asexual was baically just an excuse to not have sex with me, even when she said it's not my fault, it's just the way she is. She said that she wanted out of our relationship after about a year but she stayed with me for that long because she knew I would propably kill myself if she did (she's right).

The fact that she just tells you about this is a testament to what a worthless piece of human scum she was in the first place.
Just be glad that you have lost your virginity at all, and move on. You are lucky that she broke up with you.

(OP) She even likes going to conventions, not dressing up but still that counts. Oh, and she can do the crochetting stuff. And sewing. And cooking and baking and she doesn't mind cleaning and if I keep counting all of her advantages I'll just fuck myself with my H-shifter just to shut the fuck up

>>34163563
man OP you destroyed all my hopes for women idk what to feel now.

But i could never think of killing myself....

do you have any connection with your family?

>>34163572
>So she went there, and I used that 6 monts of her absence to get better for her.
Why not think that you spend those 6 months of efforts for your own sake?
>>34163652
You never had a fucking change to begin with. I'm sorry she deceived you for all those years, but that doesn't matter. All those lies she told don't matter. For the first time in a long while, you are doing great for yourself, and you should be happy. You should celebrate.
You had a slow start in life. You needed a companion to get you going. Now you are going, and you won't need her company any more. Be happy for her that she discovered her true passion in life and is being honest with herself, chasing her dreams. You should do the same. Just remember. A specific woman's company will never make you happy; merely content. True happiness is happiness that cannot walk out your front door. Seek what makes you truly happy, and if you stumble across a woman on the same path as you one day, invite her to join you. Otherwise, stay true to your path and I promise that you will be much happier than if you run around in circles trying to hold onto someone else.

>>34166986
>You never had a fucking change to begin with.
I meant to say: You never had a CHANCE - with that girl, that is.

>>34166935
(OP) They were both pretty distant, the only thing they cared about was me getting good grades at school. My father has some more respect for me now, me being an adult with a job (not the best kind of job, but a pound sterling is worth 5 times the potatovodaland currency, so it's ok for our standars) and he can't hit me now so he's ok.
My mother on the other hand... Well, let's just say that I've been taught from the early years that I sould lie to other people about my grades. If I got an A at school, she told me to tell everyone of her friends and the rest of family that I've got A+. She can paint pretty well, so she painted some pictures and told me to apply for an international painting contest for kids and I was supposed to pretend that these paintings were mine. And "I" won the first place. So she could brag to her firends that her son is such a good painter and winning stuff

(OP) She threatened my 7 year old brother to send him to a school for retards for bringing home a D or something like that. She once told me to always use condoms because if I'll get a kid while I'm still studying, it will destroy mi life, just as it destroyed her (she had me when she was still studying)

Hang in there Anon. You've already accomplished more than a lot of people on this board has (including me) and probably more than we ever will.
You say you've been inproving yourself. Just focus on improving. You have the drive to be able to travel to different countries to work. A lot dont have that.
You have a friend that cares about you. My ancestors will be rolling in there graves for saying this but England's a good country so your in a good place in life even if you cant see it that way.
You got hit by the oneitus meme and you got hit hard., but now possibly the biggest improvement of your life is set to take place. Get through the storm lad youve already done so much as it is. Get closer with your friend, exercise will ensure that both your weight and depression drops. Exercise can also change the structure of your face so theres no reason you cant be a 7 or 8.
You say your'e a NEET but I think your just an awkward depressed fat dude. There is a difference. Just hang in there just from this post alone it shows youve got drive if nothing else.
A few years from now you could be the happiest person in the world and wincing at your past. But if your weak enough to hero yourself you'll never know.

(OP) And I alwasy had to bee the "good boy". Come home at 7 or 8, never do anything stupid (because "what would the neighbours say") and such. That's why I never got to get out of the house when I was young, it was too much hustle and embarassment in front of my classmates. She still tells people that I actually didn't drop out of uni and that I'm just taking a break before finishing writing my master's degree

>>>/adv/

FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING NORMIE
YOU HAVE AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF WESBITES YOU COULD POST THIS SHIT ON
YOU EVEN HAVE THE FUCKING ADVICE BOARD
BUT NO, YOUR PROBLEMS ARE UNIQUE IN THAT YOU NEED TO FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE IT HARDER THAN THE FOLKS AT THE BOTTOM SO YOU POST HERE

KILL YOURSELF

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>>34163563
Perfect.
Start to learn how to draw or write and completely get lost in your fantasy.
Basically that is my plan now, as my gf just left me a few days ago saying she prays for her future husband, and thats not me.
Shit hurt a lot

(OP) I wish I could just leave everything and go to, I don't know, Canada or something, New Zealand maybe? And just don't give a fuck about them. There are 3 problems with that unfortunately.
1. Relationship with my family isn't "bad enough", if You know what I mean. Also, my grandma is still alive and it would break her hart if I left and cut all the contacts with my family.
2. Getting a job in Canada isn't as easy as in european contries. In the UK or Netherlands there's a need for manual laborers with minimal knowledge and skill (warehouses, sandwich factories). And there are numerous job agencies which help out to find some work and even accomodation. Also, the UK or Netherlands is pretty close to potatovodkaland so in case it doesn't work out I can go back home with minimal cost. That isn't the case with Canada, which is pretty fucking far away from Europe and a plane ticket costs a tad bit more than getting a ride to kurwanation. Sadly, I don't have any skills or trainings which would help me to get a job in Canada, and I don't have any relatives or friends there who could help me with not living under the bridge and actually getting a place to live.
3. It costs money

(OP) I was thinking about being a welder but it fucks up the eyes and my eyesight is bad enough already. I may actually get blind in less than 10 years and a laser surgery is out of the question, I've tired. Apparently my eyes are the wrong shape (lol wut) and it defracts the light in wrong way and yadayada medical language me english no good enough.

(OP) Anyway, thanks for all Your replies. I don't know if You can actually believe it, but it really was the first thing I've written/posted on the web. I think saying all of this out loud helped, I still feel shit but less shit than couple of hours ago. I will try to not think about her so much. Getting another girl at the moment is out of the question, first I need to reshape my body somehow. But thank You, strangers, for kind words.

>>34163563
>had a girlfriend for 5,5 years
Stopped reading there. At least give us a tl;dr version at least, faggot.

>>34163563
OP this guy is right.
>>34166986

When you're self-improving, you shouldn't have the mentality of "this is 100% for her". You need to think about yourself as well.

I honestly don't know why she got together with you in the first place- no offence. It sounds like she had an emotional attachment to you, but something happened to her while you were gone. Maybe she started noticing other men? Anyways, you should probably try to not think about her for a while. Keep trying to improve yourself, and bring yourself to a financially good and secure spot. Maybe then you can try and contact her to talk.

Also OP, see those "No. 3416xxxx" numbers on every post? Before replying, click on the number of the respective post so it looks like you're replying to them. Like this:

>>34167253
this guy is one of the literal autists

>>34168230
(OP) She said I was funny in the beginning. I think she got to be with me because she was self-conscious about herself. Later, when I went abroad, she realised she doesn't have to put up with depressed me all the time and felt... I don't know, relieved? But yeah, she just realised she can do better than me and find someone who she won't have to babysit and may actually find attractive. It was like someone told her "follow your dreams" and she did, except I wasn't one of her dreams