How close are you to suicide?

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>>34128009
I'll try and be the first one to reply.

I'm planning on committing suicide the day that my parents kick me out of the house. The straw that broke the camels back was failing boot camp, I was preparing for six months and found out how much of a worthless piece of shit I was when I couldn't even take the mildest of pressure. Things that didn't help were applying for hundreds of entry level positions over the spawn of four years ( since I finished high school ) what makes it even worse is that my competition was always people who used to be teachers or seniors with a lifetime of experience that have proven to not be a possible liability.

Constantly dropping I community college classes, I don't know what it is but whenever I go into one of those classes I immediately feel repulsed by how soulless it all feels.

I always wanted to be a boxer growing up and I had family members who trained me since I was 12 years old but had that dream thrown away when my shoulder started dislocating every month in my sleep. I have no health insurance now that my parents refuse to pay it. I don't blame them.

I know I'm a piece of shit.

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>>34128009
>>34128197

What a lonely world.

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>>34128009
I used to contemplate it everyday. Even though I have no friends now, I only mildly think about it. But Ive been contemplating a bit more recently between my parents and uni. I'm not sure what really keeps me going. It's just mundane day after day with no particular goal in mine but I dont feel like I'm barely getting by, but I still think about suicide sometimes when I'm lonely

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>>34128009
Trust me OP i tried
>Walking on sidewalk
>see incoming car
>think about my life and decide why not
>jump in front but car stops and someone pulls me away
>fall on my face after being pulled and start to cry
>run away back to my apartment
guess i can't even commit suicide correctly

>>34128009
tried taking different pills/cough syrup multiply times but just fucked with my stomach, one night I drank way to much and told my dad I was gonna kill myself and went to the hospital. I tried hanging myself with a belt but it was impossible being in a small ass closet that maybe a 5 year old could stand in and I'm 5 10

>>34128457
That's a really shitty way to go, that person would be scarred forever because of your selfishness. I'm probably waiting until things get really bad or until I'm a drug addict. I'm still living in hopes of being a writer and getting to experience new things and feelings. It's all just a dream though.

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>>34128443
No friends or connections here too... It seems to me the best dreams I've ever had have been when I'm having real suicidal thoughts, I remember taking sleeping pills right when I woke up because the dream that I was having made me feel more like a human, more alive than I was awake.

>>34128508
Sometimes I feel like a quick and painless suicide would be a difficult thing to do. I wish there was a button I could press and it'd just be lights out. Just the thought of surviving a suicide attempt to me is terrifying, I have no health insurance to pay for my permanent injuries in that scenario and would be full of debt. I just imagine a handicapped version of myself crawling onto the street from the hospital hoping that some semi doesn't see me and runs me over. I mean, I guess I could just drive off a cliff, but I might even survive that. I could jump off a cliff head first like a diver. I wouldn't risk shooting myself in the head and surviving as many people do, but I guess if I had a shotgun I'd blow my brains out. I've honestly had this retarded belief that if I were to suicide by gun I'd have to shoot myself in the heart because I'd want to experience the DMT rush in the brain and whatever it does before you die, just to experience that last real human interaction, whereas when you blow your brains out you have no time to laugh at life.

I weigh 200 pounds, I wonder what kind of rope and foundation I'd need to successfully kill myself by hanging, how embarrassing would it be to snap the thing the rope is connected to and fall to the floor. I'd probably choke on my tears and die that way.

>>34128009
>Tfw you can rationalize suicide as your only real option, but not emotionally "realize" it, so you don't try or even plan.

>>34128988
honestly the next day you wake up and your stomach hurts and you are like oh yeah I tried that last night and you feel a little sick for a few days, I think I might trying hanging if I try it again while not drunk so I dont fuck up

>>34128993
same. really sucks. i have a plan (or, a building i can jump off) but i'm too apathetic to actually plan beyond that. someone should just kill me, i deserve it at this point

Im 20 still live in my parents home, no job, no school, no real motivation to try. Ever since my mom died of cancer I have had actual crippling depression. No type constant sleep schedule, dont eat right because im poor obvi. I am alive but im not living. The only thing that keeps me alive are my sisters and brothers. I feel like if i committed suicide my full sister would have a really hard time as she has depression and has gone to a mental hospital for suicidal thoughts before. I dont want my half brothers (they are younger 10&6) living without an older brother. Its gonna be hard soon. My mom dies the 16th of January 4 years ago. The 16 is two days away and i am really not looking forward to it.

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I've wanted to kill myself every day since 10th grade, but I'm scared of pain and possibly missing out on good things that might happen to me in the future. I'm planning on actually trying to kill myself by the time I'm 21 if I'm not any happier, probably gonna try mixing drinks and pills.

>overnight concierge at assisted living facility
>resident in wheelchair comes down
>me: "hey bud what's good"
>him: "do you have any food"
>me: "haha no and breakfast isn't for another 5 hours my man"
>him: "I've got no food in my fridge. my son never visits. I might as well just kill myself"

>groanzone
>me: "noo don't do thaat" is all I can muster
>call for a nurse on the radio
>chuckle to myself after he's taken back to his room

I wanted to kill myself last year but my mom got cancer and now she is about to go through 2 months of radio and chemo. If I killed myself she would get too depressed to go through it.
I'll wait a year or a year and a half until I'm sure she is ok then kill myself.

Whenever my mom gets fed up with me and kicks me out me, really. I don't think I could function in society or get a job at all. I have severe panic attacks at basically just the thought of leaving my fucking house, the idea of me getting a job and working there every day without having a mental breakdown is... dumb. It's not necessarily that I want to die - I just wish I had a better life where I wasn't fucked up both mentally and physically. If I get kicked out I may as well just end it because I sure as hell wouldn't make it on the streets and I have zero friends or other family, so... no one I could actually go and stay with.

Not very.

I was somewhat close at one point, as I was gonna take my dad's gun and shoot myself but after I calmed down I decided against it.

Now I'm just trying to make the best of what I've got.

I'm not that sad but I do entertain the though occasionally, without any intention of doing it.
I still enjoy life, I have tv series that I love, movies are still fun, anime are still good.
But its hard not to think about it.

The only reason I'm not dead yet is because i'm a pussy.

>>34128353
I witnessed you senpai
:-(

No education
No job
No friends
No girlfriend ever
No hobbies
No interests
Chronic back pain

Soon

I think about it every day.
I'm doing alright, I'm just not happy, and I really don't think I ever will be in this world and in this period of time.

I know I'm not going to do it any time soon though.
It'd hurt my family too much, especially my mother.
One of my friends killed himself about 6 months ago, and it really hurt a lot of people.
I don't want to hurt anybody, I don't want to kill myself badly enough to warrant that.

>>34130374
pretty much all of this except i have a hobby, but i'm just complete bored of it and don't really have much interest in doing it anymore.

ill be 30 in less than 4 months. i'm done, hopefully i get in a horrific car crash and just die that way.

Post throwaway emails if you feel like you'd like someone to talk with(no gay shit)

>>34128009
Posting because of the hannibal screenshot.

I'm here alone fapping on friday night while I can hear all the normies around me partying.

I won't an hero, but thinking about it makes me sick.

>>34128009
>Tell us what keeps you going
I'm waiting until I pass or fail out of uni and my parents stop giving me money, I have no desire to waste my life wagecucking in a job I hate when I know that I'll never be able to reach my dreams.

I've always thought I had a happy life, but over the last 3-4 years, I'm not so sure. I've never seriously considered an hero-ing but I have had moments, lying in bed, where I told myself I would have been content if my life ended right then.

ive thought about it every day for the past few years, im a useless person and nothing has ever in my life gone my way. my mum is what keeps me going, shes all alone and has no one else but me, im afraid if i kmsd, she wouldnt because shed wimp out but shed spend the rest of her years in misery and despair