WHY AM I ALONE

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>>34115965
https://youtu.be/YnwsMEabmSo

>>34115965
Similar situation here.

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>me
>literal autism
>lonely, no friends
>very bad social skills
>somehow make friends
>make mistakes in front of them all the time and they all laugh
>halfheartedly smile every time they make fun of me
>feels like I'm apart of the group
>feels good to make people have a good time at my expense
>now they make fun of me even when I don't do anything
>get a little depressed but still happy they're having a good time
>continue this for a while until they stop talking to me or I lose interest in them as friends
>repeat with new people

I've been doing this ever since I was a little kid, anyone else like this?

>>34116540
fuck I was supposed to post this as my own thread, not a reply

>>34115965
I agree with you OP. I'm sitting here just wondering why I'm alive. Every time I go outside I'm reminded of just how fucked I am, so I stay inside and hide away like a insect, but this feels bad. I can't be fixed, whatever is wrong with me goes so deep in sure there's no fixing it.

I'm almost certain suicide is my best option but I'm too scared.

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>>34115965
>IM NOT THAT FUCKING UGLY

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>>34116540
I'm the same anon, the exact fucking same. Except as I get older it gets worse, people don't tolerate me at all anymore or laugh, they just think I'm creepy. I'm too anxious to even go outside now, I get such weird stares and people seem so uncomfortable by just seeing me. I have to eat but going out there is torture. I have to go to class but it's pure torture. Even my family seems creeped out by me. I wish I could just die. All of my efforts to fix myself fail

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>>34116540
This was my story up until a few years ago when I met my best friend irl. He is a recovering alcoholic who never goes outside, just like me, minus the past alcoholism.

I managed to make a few other friends but I have either lost touch with them or I just can't speak openly with them for fear of rejection. I didn't even realize I had autism until I was almost 20. My parents never told me, but I always knew something was wrong. I did research on autism and I have experienced many of its symptoms in my life, though I am miraculously able to hide it fairly well in public.

All my other friends are on this Japanese anime forum.

Yeah, suffering is a bitch. You gotta surrender or understand the pain. Like... Why do you even to have a girlfriend? Why do you suffer? Is there really anything wrong? Everything is actually just fine, everything is fine.

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I have had sex once in my 23 years on Earth. She was as hot as she was dumb I guess, since she actually wanted to be with me despite my obvious social disabilities. I had too much to drink and couldn't get it up, ended up fingerbanging her while she rubbed her perfect D cups on my face.

>tfw when i realized my soldier was not going to stand at attention
>tfw i finished her anyway because why not
>told her she was my first when she asked me if i was
>"you should go"
>never speak to her again

Well it was fun while it lasted I guess. To this day I still don't know how I managed to be with her, or how I'll ever be able to be with another girl. I almost had feelings for her too, until she told me her boyfriend was getting out of jail in a week.