How close are you to suicide?

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>>34075498
I'm not close to it, but I am not and never have been that far from it, either. My first memory of considering suicide was in the 4th grade. (I'm now 30) It never went way. The good times in life aren't very good and never have been, certainly not good enough to make me feel a strong desire to live. I've coped with much fear and uncertainty in life by reminding myself that, if things really go south, I can always take a .45-caliber aspirin.

I don't have a dream or a wild aspiration. There's no life goal that animates me and makes me want to get up in the morning. My hobbies and interests fade very easily and quickly become chores. Nothing is very pleasurable. I don't feel pride in accomplishment. You see a dream, something inspiring that you want to do with your life. I just see a lot of work.

I am scared of being judged by others, and I am both lazy and unworthy. It is what it is. See, I suspect that normal people get that pointed out to them and it causes some kind of fire within them. They think "Hmph! That asshole thinks I can't do it? I'll show him!" I neither get that motivational anger, nor the feeling of satisfaction if I prove someone wrong.

So why am I here, you ask? Inertia. Life is a bother but it'd be more of a bother to kill myself. I'll die when living becomes more of a pain than dying.

>>34075498
12 months away.

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On a scale from one to ten, probably a 4.5. I think about it a lot, but I don't think I could ever actually follow through.

>>34075498
I haven't killed myself because there are still some things I want to experience. The show Adventure Time is why I'm alive, and if I die now I'll never see how it ends, and I'll never see if our favorite lesbians get together. I don't have any dreams or desires, not to say I will never. But to be honest with you, I'll kill myself when I have nothing to look foward to.

>>34075498
Don't know
I permanently think about suicide, yet, I don't have the balls to do it and death seems to be just as pointless as life

I guess i'm going to keep living that way for dozens of years

>>34076179
And no, I don't have any dream or aspiration, I don't care about anything.

>>34075498
If my dog were to die an unnatural death I'd probably kill myself sometime that week

>Do you have dream?
>aspirations

You're ready to commit suicide when you're no longer capable of having these things.

>>34076311
What if you never had them at all, even as far back as childhood?

>>34076326

I don't know, I feel like it's more of an emotional shock to realize you no longer care about the things you used to, than to have always been content with mediocrity

I'm probably a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10.

>>34075498

Pretty far, desu. I still have to get my finances in order, talk to my lawyer, write a goodbye note. Christ, I haven't even decided on a method yet.

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I hate my life but I still hold out that it will get better.
I also feel bad thinking about killing myself because I knew someone my age who died from bad luck that was better than me
or as my one friend says, we're all going to make it senpai

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>17/18 years old
>Set to go to top university
>Not very socially able but not completely retarded
>Fit and healthy
>Healthy self esteem
>Looking forward to future
>About to become an Officer in army reserves
>Important member of extra curricular organisation with lots of people that look up to me
>Get completely fucked over by extra curricular organisation
>Fuck up my exams and have to go to shitty university

Fast forward 3 years

>Haven't talked to anyone in years
>Very unhealthy
>Zero self esteem
>NEET
>No future prospects
>Fail at everything I do

It's incredible how much I've managed to completely fuck my life up just 3 years. I can't express how much I fucking ahte myself when I think of what I was and what I am now. I'm basically just sitting at home doing nothing. I've got no financial insecurities because I live with parents. They'll kick me out eventually, that's when I'll off myself.

Yes I know that there are people here that have been NEET longer than me

In pretty close. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of normies going on with their lives happily while I'm dead.

My presence seems to irritate them, so I will continue to live out of spite.

>>34075498
Not too close, but the thought is always there. I've never moved my body in order to achieve the goal of suicide, if you get my meaning. Like I've had the thoughts and have wished with every ounce of my being that I want out but never actually done anything to get close to that.

I have dreams and aspirations but I don't know where the fuck to even start. I'm considering going on some Alaskan fish company job this summer to rack up some dough and just see what that stuff has to offer. Overall, I have these moments of happiness and hope but fuck man... Sometimes it's not enough, you know?

Edit: Also, my ideal suicide scenario is going to some remote cliff in Fiji and jump head first.

>>34075498
Suicide is my only comfort, my safe space. At everything I do, I imagine the worst possible outcome and then tell myself "heh, so what, I can just kill myself and not have to live with it". It really helped with my paralyzing fear of failing at something and I'm living every day like it could be my last.

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I'm 25.

Hated school due to it being a shitty school, shit-tier home life, and teachers either not noticing me or assuming I was dumb until I aced the end of year tests.

Ended up being predicted shit-tier grades and applying for a mediocre university. Earned awesome grades and earned the highest qualification at the university, but didn't enjoy my time there at all.

Unemployed after graduating, then worked a bunch of part-time wagecuck jobs, then worked a full, repetitive, mind-fucking office job for three years with normie upper class co-workers. Still there.

Wrote a novel when I was 21 and it was accepted for publication but I withdrew it. Wrote another and it was rejected a bunch of times. Started several more but now lack the will and desire to write fiction. Considering quitting my job, writing the longest memoir in history, and then shooting myself in the head.

Have resigned myself to a life of isolation as I don't find girls my age or older very attractive. Have accepted that I have no marketable skills and am getting too old to retrain, and don't benefit enough from society to want to slave away 40 years as part of a mutual contract.

Distant from my remaining family. No friends. No gf ever (except when I was 13). Had a long-term crush but too broken to consider myself worthy of her despite her showing interest.

Physical appearance is fading. Wrinkles and fine lines starting to form. Eyes look tired and lifeless. Get to work at 8:30 and feel suicidal until 5:30. Spend half my shitty wage on a tiny depressing rented room in a building full of shitskins.

Last time I spoke to my father he offered money to change my surname.

Brother was kicked out of when I was young and I don't like what he's become (rich normie Chad)

Argue with older sister all the time although she has supported me a lot.

Distant from mother and can't discuss anything substantial with her.

Just want to be left the fuck alone with my music, my books, and my high-speed internet.

>>34077123
I'm right with you on this. The only thing I refuse to do is put myself in a position where I can't easily kill myself if I need to.

>>34077252
tl;dr: I'm pretty fucking close to ending this shit.

>>34075498
I'm scared of suicide
I can't bring myself to harm myself

>>34077252
jesus fucking christ

replace books with video games and you are literally me

I'm one legal or medical problem away from having to kill myself. fortunately I have guns.

it's a bad feel to live like this

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I've been craving suicide on and off for a few years now. Lately, I've come to realize it's the right choice. I hate the world and think society is evil, I don't care for my daily life, I don't like that I have to do so much to keep myself healthy just to age anyway, I don't want to age, I feel like I'm a burden, etc.

Suicide is beautiful and just earlier this week I was positive I'd be dead within the next few months when I acquired some kind of lethal weapon.

But now it's complicated. I wasn't worried about hurting anyone by killing myself, but I recently met someone who is quickly becoming my partner in destiny. She's like a sister to me. When she found out I wanted very much to kill myself, she became devastated and cried very hard, begging me not to leave her, saying it would kill her if I did, and saying she'll do anything if I stay, all while sobbing as hard as I've seen her.

Now I'm looking at a future of growing up, moving on, wageslaving, coping with evil, menial day-to-day, grey hair, and prostate exams. I just wanted to die at the young age I'm at and send a message that I wasn't happy.

All this, just so she might leave me only a few years from now when she doesn't need me anymore, when I'll be wishing I had suicided earlier instead of staying. I think I'm becoming a victim of love. I REALLY want to kill myself. Now I feel like I can't. I don't want to destroy her.

But if there's an afterlife where I run into her again, I'd hate for her to walk away from me because I walked away from her.

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Remember anons, Lain loves you. No matter what.

>>34078318
I've never seen this anime. Some of my fellow Linux autists on /g/ like it, too. is it good?

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>>34078538
Yes
LET'S ALL LOVE LAIN