depression as fuck

really need someone to talk to. anyone

>>34060203
Same here brobot. Altough i feel like i might be fully relapsing this time.

>>34060249
not worth it man. fuckin drugs succ

desperate self bump
originalito

>>34060269
Not drugs, full depression. I've been good for almost 3 years, now its coming back

>>34060203
Depression AF? Get a doggo, they are better to talk to than most people.

>>34060297
fuck. get off r9k while u can. forreal. this place is depressing just to look at.

>>34060314
i have 4. idk why but they dont fix it. i draw. art used to fix it. but nowadays its kind of just making it worse its almost like the happy drawings i try to do when im depressed mock me. then i end up drawing depressing shit as i give up

>>34060325
I've been coming here on and off for 4 years. Just 6 months ago i thought i things were going great and that i was leaving forever. But i always find my way back here eventually

>>34060357
i kinda like the community here. if u could even call it that

>>34060347
I see. Have you come to terms that we are all in the matrix yet?

>>34060203
Holy shit this is me..

Ive been off MMT for almost 3 and a half months. Feel completely empty. Cant sleep all I can feel is alternating anxiety and fear except for instantly gratifying myself. Cant function enough to hold a job let alone even think for more than 5 minutes. Have absolutely no idea who I am without drugs. No desire for Heroin because the damage it has inflicted literally scares the shit out of me. Feel absolutely nothing.

>>34060394
man i fuckin feel like it. and after someof the trips ive had it makes it even more of a possibility. i havent felt like i was in my body for the last 4 to 5 years but im also convinced its depersonalization

How many of us actually live shit tier lifes? Are you memeing?

>be me

>be friends with everyone through school

>even have a gf

>lose virginity to 9/10

>couple of my friends have drug problems

>I try it and am hooked for life

>become a full on criminal for a bit of time

>fully recovered by the time I'm 19 but the shit I did while I was a teen ruins me

>don't even remember due to drugs

>gf dies of narcotics Od

>huge group of friends dwindled because of death, prison, and people just growing up

>the drugs still affect me despite being clean for almost 6 years

>hear stories of things I did while out of my mind

>actually scarred by the events

>began browsing 4chan looking for answers almost 9 years ago

>havent had serious human contact in almost a year

>even stopped posting on 4chan

>my one form of communication is dying

I didn't understand at first /r9k/ but I have insane anxiety now.

Does anyone have anything worse?

>>34060203
Dude this is how recovery works though and you know that it gets lonely and scary as fuck.. youre going to be up one two weeks down the next but as time goes on youll have more good days I am in the midst of a depressive state myself. I was all hopeful that I might actually be getting better and I got slammed back down. Just whatever you do just know using isnt the answer. Its ironic because I need to work and im going to have to get on meds and i know how fucked up its going to be but my addiction literally took everything from me. In order for me to function properly ive gotta numb myself out.

It fucking blows but what choice do I have

>still paying for years of heroin use with eons more of suffering

>>34060203
I've been that way for 1.5 years, but have never done drugs. I sometimes feel like I really should talk to someone, but I just can't.

>>34060436
i match up with alot of your shit. didnt have a gf that died. didnt stop posting on 4chan and im not hooked on drugs anymore. but for the rest of it thats pretty spot on for me

>>34060433
You are not alone. Quite sure everyone feels like that to some degree sometimes.
Tripping was fun but probably would have a breakdown if I did what Iused to do haha

I have literally nothing. If you asked me why I keep going honestly I couldn't tell you. I go to work whenever I can. I make 11 dollars an hour, which is not bad but I have no future. All my friends are assholes and I live alone. The only reason I'm even alive right now is hope. I just hope things will change, and despite not even trying to change things for myself I magicially hope things will be different tomorrow. But I wake up. Usually around 1 in the afternoon after passing out around 9 in the morning. Theres nothing left for me. Yet I will contiunune this process and try to be happy. Despite just not knowing quite how.

>>34060572
first fix your sleeping pattern. that creates depression. i learned that one quickly seriously im not just telling u this. you better fucking do it. pull an all dayer youll be tired by 9 pm

op here. goin to sleep. hope everyone sticks around another day, see ya later brobots

>>34060572
Yeah dude your just stuck in a bad routine and its literally fixable if you just stop focusing on the negative so much. My brain literally doesnt work I mean it cant process any emotions without short circuiting.. Just be thankful you have a working brain. This is literally a nightmare existence