Please tell me if it's a bad decision to email the girl

Stop seeking affection, it's a weakness.

You've got nothing to lose, man. Go for it.

This isn't a video game, there are no "wrong" choices.

Look at it this way
1. You send the email, she responds and you move your relationship forward
2. You send it, she doesn't respond, she leaves and you move on with life

Either way, you should just send it, nothing will change if you don't take charge of your own life

>>26391583
don't listen to this cunt

the worst thing you could do is to show weakness

>>26391583
But she may be repulsed by it and show her colleagues, one of whom might email my boss and say "this isn't acceptable" or something. But more importantly I don't want to freak her out.


Here's there email I was planning to send:
_

Dear X,

I notice that your company has moved offices and wanted (despite being aware that doing so might be perceived as strange) to wish you good luck for the future.

I realized we've never had a conversation that may have warranted this email and that the impression you may have of me if any is as a sort of humorless mute, but I hope you don't take too much offense at me communicating this way.
.
Best wishes,
Anon (from Company Y)

>>26391632
Weakness? To who?
His coworkers?

Oh man, that's end of the fucking world, isn't it?

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>>26391632
>muh manhood

for christ's sake, you're on /r9k/ man, get a hold of yourself. being here is identifying as a weakness, only anonymously.

>>26391530
OP, send the goddamn email already, and post it here while you're at it.

>>26391612
I admit that I posted this on /adv/ too and nearly everybody said I was autistic and the girls there said they'd be creeped out and think I was weak and pathetic.

I also admit that in college in my graduating year a girl kept sitting by me in lectures since I sat alone and I never made a move, except for a few weeks before the end of term I found her email and sent her an email basically wishing her luck for the future and she replied nicely and asked my plans but I didn't suggest we meet up or anything I just gave her a vague reply and left things. I feel too fucked up at this point to love or be loved by anybody but I can't live my entire life alone.

>>26391735
>>26391689
Better late than never.
Good luck.

>>26391689
FULL
BLOWN
AUTISM

>>26391722
The email I was planing to send is here: >>26391689


Bear in mind that she is highly educated and from an upper-middle class background so I can't be too familiar or casual. The "humorless mute" thing is a reference to the fact I sit isolated from my co-workers and sit right next to the printer she comes to use (although I sit a little ahead of it meaning I'd have to turn 270 degree or so to like make eye contact or something)

>>26391772
Could you please articulate why you think it's a bad email, without resorting to buzzwords and memes etc?

I'm sincerely interested in knowing why this is a bad email if you think it is.

>>26391689
That email's honestly not that bad.

>>26391689
PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING.

Just ask her out in person!

>>26391820
I can't. She hasn't been in work for two weeks and probably won't be before they relocate at the end of the week. I fucked up any opportunities to express my attraction towards her because in the moment I felt so pathetic and delusional that I just acted aloof instead.

>>26391794
I hope you're being serious. I've received maybe 20 posts in response to that email and most said it was extremely autistic. This girl is educated and pretty quiet and I know from googling her name that she likes cute, emotional music so I doubt she'd react by calling the cops or ridiculing me.

>>26391632
>>26391718
Although I don't mind showing my weakness, hence my pretty self-deprecating email, I do agree that by essentially admitting that my pose of cold indifference has just been a way of me hiding my emotions, which she might feel is tedious or a sign of cowardice (betaness) or shyness or some other thing that will raise red flag and make her feel glad she never made the effort to talk to me.

>>26391689
To me, it sounds so formal and more like a goodbye

>>26391999
Nice trips.

Well I don't want to sound too familiar. Considering she probably thinks I haven't really noticed her, and since we haven't really talked or introduced ourselves. So I think asking in the same email "hey want to go out for a walk" (I don't like encouraging alcohol-drinking as a means of meeting people, I would prefer to walk with her) may be too forward or something, or as a girl said on /adv/ it may reek of desperation and suggest I want to fuck her.

>>26391530
ask around her phone, call her and say that you was going to make the move but suddenly this happened

she willl enjoy the call and if she wants, you can hang out

believe in me, it's the only right answaer for your question

make it happen faggot, I'm counting on you

>>26392075
>ask around her phone

What do you mean by this?

I don't have her phone number. Also it will sound very false if I said I was just going to be this brave confident guy but oh damn you suddenly relocated.

I WANT to make it happen but most of the replies I've received so far tell me I'm autistic and to let her go.

>>26392110
you need to talk to her
you siad you are already stalking her
ask her phone in facebook, whatever, do it!
(this is part of making the move, if you didn't have noticed)

come on! don't let her go!!!!!

>>26392181
I'm not stalking her. The only means I have of talking to her is via email, but even then the only reason I know her email is because a building-wide email was sent recently and her name was listed among the 50 or so emails. I don't have facebook. I appreciate your enthusiasm but I feel a detailed plan is necessary here.

>>26392110
holly shit you are being false with yourself here
you were going to do the move, yes, don't lie
now do it faggot
you can thank me later

do it!!!!!

captcha was grass, grass mean luck, do it fagget!!!!!!!!

>>26392223
I told myself I was going to ask her as early as last September, but I just repressed my desire to do so and settled for feeling happy and excited whenever I saw her. Doing this and having her and her colleagues realize after all this time that I was just a beta faggot will rid me of whatever dignity I have (or pretend I have) left. Her boss is, in /r9k/ terminology, a Chad and is only a little older than we are and since he has acted coldly towards me in the past I don't want her to share it with her colleagues (since they've worked together for a long time and are probably friends outside of work) and have them reply with some patronizing email saying "awww so nice! I'm flattered! Good luck to you to :)"

>>26392038
I would do coffee instead of a walk, but thats just because it's cold where I live. I don't see a problem asking to meet over email, if she's into you she'll reply regardless of the medium

>>26392205
then stalk her!!!
discover where she'll be alocated and where she drinks coffe from now on and pass and say hi and ask her damn phone and talk and talk and talk about shit normies do like chinese cartoons

holly crap you made my stocks plummet with your paranoia

>>26392205
>googles her
"Im not stalking!!"

>>26392329
But what if she was into me in like September last year but got bored (which I understand) by my apparent indifference towards her?

I mean she likely has more going in her life than I do which means she probably loses interest quicker than I would in a girl. I was planning to leave my job around that time last year so I was thinking mainly of that, but then I decided to stay a little longer and I hate to admit it but her being there was part of the reason I stuck around.

>>26392349
How does googling her name equate to stalking? Surely searching someone's name on facebook is the same thing?

>>26392440
You're creeping on her, which means you've already put her on a pedestal, which means you're doomed to fail.

You've already overthought this so you've fucked yourself from the get go. She's a person like you who pisses and shits. IF anything casually shoot her an email "Hey its X from other company/division. I havent seen you around in a few weeks and have no other way to get in touch, just wondering if you wanted to get coffee sometime this week.

Anon"

>>26392440
no, facebook is there for that

googling her was very offensive IMO
she should never know about that

create a facebook profile asap

grass again! come on!!!!!!

>>26392480
I haven't placed her on a pedestal. I'm attracted to her. I googled her name to find out more about her. I found out we like the same music. I still recognize that she isn't some fragile, pure virgin who I should stutter and stumble around.

I like your email however, though I don't like the idea of drinking coffee or alcohol as a primary means of getting to know someone. I would like to walk with her along the river that runs through the city.

>>26392496
I won't tell her about googling her, but come on if you're attracted to someone why wouldn't you google them?

It's not as if I have a google alert set up with her name.

Also I don't want a facebook. And creating one for her sake would be even more autistic than emailing her IMO, especially since I have zero photographs of myself.

>>26392521
>I don't like the idea of drinking coffee or alcohol as a primary means of getting to know someone.
Just seriously, shut the fuck up. Every response from you is cringeworthy. Normal people meet up for a drink. Since you're too much of an aspie to do that, meet for a fucking coffee.

This is how normal, functioning human being socialize.

Either man up and ask her out or GTFO.

>>26392440
Holy shit anon, your thinking too much about it. All of your what-ifs are meaningless if you don't do anything.

If she was into you last year, then she already thinks your an okay person. It's not like people do a complete 180 over a year, just because a person didn't talk to them.

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>>26391689

Don't do it. Office emails are archived forever and if she tells HR you will be out on your ass. You need to do this in person or don't bother.

>>26392547
time to take some pictures or she will find you creepy
come on, the years are passing, time to meet somone in your present time
make a damn facebook nao!!!!!!!

>>26392581
A girl on /adv/ said she was attracted to a guy at her workplace but after five months of not showing any signs of being into her she got bored and figured there was something "off" about him. He sent her a long text message soon after she left telling her he liked her and would like to take her out and she cringed and still cringed about how pathetic he was. I don't want to be like that. I think "what if's" do hinder action though in plenty of cases they have been useful to me acting correctly.

>>26392626
There is no HR here as we work for different companies. Also she is pretty quiet herself and I doubt she'd react to my email by getting me fired.

>>26392656
No I don't want a facebook.

>>26392521
Think you should listen to that guy he's got the best advice

>>26392696
I am listening to all the advice here, but I really am not placing her on a pedestal. I mean I'm attracted to her and therefore careful but I'm very quiet in general so it's not as if I sperg out around her because I think she's going to make my life flawless or something.

>>26392723
your loss fagget

good luck

>>26392660
Don't say you like her. Just leave it as an offer to meet up, I would be creeped if someone said they liked me over text/ without getting to know them as well. Also, everyone is different, she isn't the anon from /adv/, she may take the meetup offer differently.

>>26391689
Dear Elliot Rodger's ghost,

Dont be such a fucking pathetic dickless betacuck. If you want a girl, go out and talk to her like a functioning member of society.

Best wishes,
Disgusted anon

>>26392752
Is this email ok as a first message?

-

Dear X,

I notice that your company has moved offices and wanted (despite being aware that doing so might be perceived as strange) to wish you good luck for the future.

I realized we've never had a conversation that may have warranted this email and that the impression you may have of me if any is as a sort of humorless mute, but I hope you don't take offense at me communicating with you this way.
.
Best wishes,
Anon (from Company Y)

>>26392819
How am I supposed to talk to her if she no longer works here?

Also replies like this really are discouraging me to the point where the positive replies make me suspect a ruse.

>>26391530
No. If you see her again then ask her out, or wait till they move offices and then send the email.

>>26392914
I won't see her again. If I send this I'll wait until Monday to make sure everyone from her company have left. I still feel weird about having her email through spotting it in a mass email sent to everyone in the building. I realize that as a quiet person who shows no emotion or anything she may think I'm an obsessive autistic like the guy from The Collector.

>>26392914
Also do mean "No" it's not a bad idea, or "No" don't do it?

>>26392952
>you're obsessing about a creepy robotic email you were plotting after stalking this girl
ding ding ding, sounds like she'd be correct if she assumed that, bud. you're fucking weirding me out and Im an aspie myself. Knock it off, it's creepy.

>>26392993
This is the general sentiment I've received thus far in asking people.

>>26392841
Jesus dude.

>
I realized we've never had a conversation that may have warranted this email and that the impression you may have of me if any is as a sort of humorless mute, but I hope you don't take offense at me communicating with you this way.

Reading this made me cringe. Please don't send it. Either ask her in person or don't ask at all. Writing an e-mail like this is extremely autistic.

>>26393112
What's wrong with it? I realize it's pretty sober, though I included the "humorless mute" thing as a joke. I'm just trying to articulate myself properly. I really feel for this girl and it pains me so so much to think that I will never see her in person again. It really causes me distress and I can't see myself living the same dull work routine with her absent. I realize that sounds like I'm counting too much on her to make my life better or something like that, but she is one of the few reasons I actually don't feel depressed getting up for work each morning.

>>26391767
Do you think the email I intend(ed) to send is ok?

Do not send her the email. Talk to her in person

>>26393381
I can't talk to her in person because her company has relocated and she no longer works here.

It will be tricky because non-robots don't use e-mail to socialize.

Keep it simple. Don't write more than two sentences. Don't apologize for your interest or beat around the bush. As others have said, asking for a quick coffee date is the best approach.

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This is going to be just like Densha Otoko, guys.

>>26393423
But wouldn't it show self-awareness on my part if I at least briefly pointed out the fact I realize it may be weird to send her an email?

I'm just worried that she is going to read it and think I'm obsessive or feel repulsed because she doesn't want the perceived responsibility of having to "look after" me or whatever since she may think I'm so depressed inexperienced guy who is still in teenager-mode when it comes to affection etc. I understand if she'd think this and wouldn't blame her, but still receiving a patronizing email in return calling it cute and saying "good luck to you too!" and effectively dismissing or rejecting me that way would suck so badly I'd feel like quitting my job immediately.

>>26393444
I know what that is but not whether it's a good thing or not.

>>26391689
Your problem here is your writing style is try hard intelligent and reads like HAL wrote it. How would she even know you're into her? Just say something like 'Hey where you been : )'

>>26391852
Would you speak to your future wife that way?

Just be like, "Hey, I heard your offices are moving. Good luck over there. Btw can I fuck your butt?"

>>26393616
... also you're never going to go through all the stages to fuck her if you can't do some kind of unapologetic imposing yourself. Boldness is in fact necessary with girls.

>>26393616
HAL?

I can't say "hey where you been :)" because up until now she's only asked me like two questions about stationary and we haven't talked outside of that, so being weirdly casual and familiar would be weirder IMO than going full sperg and posting my idea. Also I'm not trying hard, I realize it may read quiet soberly but I'm just trying to articulate myself as accurately as I can.

Also some more context:

In 2014 I briefly knew a girl (who pursued me) and when she became distant with me all of a sudden I eventually wrote a handwritten letter and posted it through her door. And since then she has text me every like three months asking how I am and if I want to meet up with her etc or go for coffe. I haven't been into her since I posted that letter though so I didn't, but it worked in that case and the letter was one whole page handwritten with long sentences explaining I'm a private person etc.

>>26392626
Why would he be sacked. He isn't even asking her out. He's just wishing her well for the future.

>>26393708
Well whatever, you're the man dawg, but I've fucked hundreds of girls and judging by your email you've fucked zero.

OKAY OP HERE

What about this:

She has a female colleague the same age as her. They eat out together at lunch, though not this week since she's no longer here. If her colleague is in tomorrow, would it be creepy of me to follow her out of the office to the stairwell and say "excuse me, has your colleague left her job?"

She's likely to say, "Who, X?" and then confirm or deny whether she has.

Hopefully she'll say "No, we're just moving. How come?"

And then I'll EITHER say "just innocent curiosity" hoping she'll say something back suggesting the girl likes me, or "I was going to ask her if she'd be interested in meeting up outside of work sometime"

What do you think of this?

Bear in mind if I do this her "Chad" boss, who is only a little older than I am but is upper class and very successful, will probably find out and since he has worked with the girl for a long time he may look at me as if I'm a piece of shit or something.

>>26391530

You don't confess over text

/thread

>>26393968
Ok then how about this suggestion: >>26393932

Instead of repeatedly insulting yourself try sending something more along the lines of. "Hey I heard you won't be around the office anymore, it's a shame I won't get to see you again. I'm normally pretty reserved in a work place setting but I'd really enjoy getting to know you. My phone number is <x>. Get in touch some time if you're interested." It's not ideal but usually girls respond to directness and confidence more than cringing self revulsion.

>>26393521
Stop being such a fucking faggot.
Ask her out for a drink or cofee.
She will smell your autism otherwise.

>>26393932

>'Why do you ask?'
>'Innocent curiosity'
>'Oh btw, I never met you but X said she likes you'

Do you really think it works like that?

>>26394074
OP here. I like your suggestion. The only thing I worry about here is that it may be suggesting I'm some sort of extrovert outside of work, although in reality I'm not.

But thank you it's a more frank message.

Could you tell me what you think of this idea please: >>26393932

I hate to post this thread but this could really change my life. I've never experience mutual love or anything like that and although I may sound autistic and so on I really do feel like I could benefit her life as she can mine.

>>26394153
No, but they go out for lunch together and if the girl I like has ever been curious about me this girl may recognize I'm testing the waters and say "I could pass on a message if you'd like" or something like that. I mean these girls are intelligent people and although they may just pity me and think I'm autistic I'd like to think I conduct myself in a way that suggests I'm not a total loser and have something going for me that isn't just spaghetti and misery.

>>26391530
There's a time and a place anon, literally.
>inb4 literally xD

OP how about you just walk up to her when you see her and introduce yourself et cetera. You won't be a creep that way

Damn guys it isn't that hard

>>26394660
What do you mean by this?

>>26394696
Because I won't see her again since her company has relocated.

Could somebody tell me what they think of this idea please: >>26393932

>>26392693
>>26393725

Because they pay you to do a job and act professional not to sit there trying how to figure out how to get your dick wet.

OP HERE

Let's say for whatever reason this girl comes back to the office to pick up her stuff or something. I doubt this will happen, but if it does would it be creepy for me to essentially follow her from the room or at least linger outside and wait for her and then ask if she wants to "go for a walk with me" sometime?

Or how do I phrase that?

1. "go for a walk with me"

2. "meet up outside of work sometime"

3. ???

Are you from Syracuse??

>>26394198

Don't give a shit and just do it then. Either it works or it doesn't. Don't think about the next step if you didn't even to the first one robot.

>>26395488
Why?

>>26395558
I have to plan this as strategically as possible. I am going to get one shot at an "approach" and don't want to spaghetti hard. She hasn't been in work for two whole weeks and it has made me so regretful. I realize this is 100% my fault. I have tendencies to close up and be defensive or neutral around people who I feel might like to get close to me and it just isn't benefiting me at all.

>>26391689
I don't know. there is nothing to reply to in my opinion.
I personally would just go full out and tell her that I kinda miss awkward seconds of silence we shared at office and would like to meet her in less formal way. there are two possible answers.
>(yes) yes lets do it at ...
>(no) yes lets do it but I am busy right now.

>>26395745
I think you're right, and this: >>26394074

Seems like a better message, or at least more frank. I basically fear that I'm going to sound like some coward who can't communicate with people IRL or something. I wish I had a father or a brother or something so I could ask them about shit like this.

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>>26391689
please don't tell me you're fucking serious

>>26395604

Because I am and I never see people from central NY. And now of all places, 4CHAN IS WHERE!

>>26395925
I am speaking of my own experience.

>meet girl at university
>spoke with her few times
>no guts to ask her out
>end of semester
>no way to see her because she was just taking optional subject at my faculty
>got her email because I was sending her some materials

so I sent her email that I liked her company and I would like to see her again at tea or coffee. she replied that ofc. and she would like to meet with me as well. best times of my life. too bad I did not payed enough attention to last words of email that said "but right now I am busy with exams"
so after exams I wrote to her again she only said "rather not"

and ye I agree with >>26394074 do not insult yourself. at least not the way you did, if you do not respect yourself you can expect her to do so.

>>26396134
Are you saying I shouldn't email her?

Also I did exactly the same thing you did (I even autistically emailed my prof. asking if she knew the girl's name who started sitting by me recently). I emailed her and she got back asking a bunch of questions but for some reason I didn't really feel anything towards her after that and just wished her luck again and left it at that. I saw her again before the graduation ceremony and I just looked away when we passed. It's very likely that I'm too far gone at this point.

>>26391530
OP, your email sounds like you are saying goodbye. dont be that fucking beta.

if you want to talk to her, be confident to say something at least a little indicative of being interested in her. you dont have to be a full blown chad about it. You should really do this in person, but if it must be email say something like

"I notice that your company has moved offices and wanted (despite being aware that doing so might be perceived as strange) to wish you good luck for the future. I was wondering if you would like to meet outside of work some time? I dont think we ever got the chance to get to know each other, and I'd be happy to stay in touch.

Best,

Anon

The first line was good, i dont think you should change that.

>>26396189
not really, give it a try. I might have fucked up elsewhere or she already had bf.
take it as encouragement. if she likes you she will most likely reply. worst case is that she will just ignore email. also if she starts being avoidant fuck it she just needs some time to grow balls to tell you to fuck off.

>>26396327
Hello. Thank you and yes I agree about it sounding like a beta drive-by goodbye or something.

Do you think it would be beta or too forward to ask her straight away in the first email if she would like to meet up?

Also, if her female colleague is in work tomorrow and comes in to make coffee would it be autistic or creepy if I "loitered" outside the door to ask her if her colleague has left and see what I can get out of that conversation?

The thing is the hallway outside the office gets pretty busy at times with people from my office so they know something is up if I'm there talking to a girl considering how distant I seem. I realize I can't live my life fearing the perception of others but I'm worried I'll start talking and some colleague of mine will be coming down the stairs and I'll freeze up and like change the subject or embarrass everybody involved.

>>26396358
I'm fairly good at reading people's inclinations and so on. I mean I really don't think I'm autistic. But from experience I have been given a secret valentines card before from a girl and it really didn't make me feel anything towards her and sort of made me less attracted towards her for some reason.

This girl attracts me like few girls have, and there's something so refined and appealing about her. I realize she's from a wealthy family and probably has very cultured, wealthy friends from prep schools etc but I also think she's not a total cliche and that there's more to her than what her environment has sort of inflicted.

>>26396433
dont do any of this overly complex shit like feeling out her co-worker or any of that. If you cant get face to face with her i would just word your email to say something like "i wanted to ask if you would like to meet outside of work sometime but i cant seem to get a hold of you..." or "we've only met a couple times but id be interested in getting to know you better. would you like to meet outside of work sometime?"

its important you dont make it too formal sounding. thats creepy. i actually really like:

>we've only met a couple times but id be interested in getting to know you better. would you like to meet outside of work sometime?"

>>26396623
Why don't you think approaching her co-worker is a good idea?

They have worked together for at least a year and seems to be friends. I'm certain that if I ask her co-worker about her then at the very least the girl will hear about it. Also it may show that I'm not just sneakily looking to get this one girl alone and that I can charm or at least converse with her friend(s).

But yes if I send an email I'll take all the suggestions on board and spend this weekend drafting and redrafting until I get this something that is perfect.

>>26396698
ok, so i didnt read the whole story with her co-worker and everything. I would say its a solid move to talk to her co-worker and go with the response "I was going to ask her if she'd be interested in meeting up outside of work sometime". The other line makes it sound like you have intentions that are...suspect. idk. whatever you do, make it clear you want to get to know her better outside of work. if she rejects you, its fine. you're in New York, its really easy to move on. if she doesnt you will feel really good about yourself. It's not like you have an emotional attachment to her yet. id say you're in a really good position to flex a little confidence in asking her to meet up with you, even if it is just a friendly get together (though to be honest you both wont be thinking its a lets-be-friends play date).

The email is terrible. Don't send it. Don't confess or send awkward omega emails, it's a terrible idea, especially at work.

And don't approach her co-worker either. People expect you to talk to them in person. You chose not to do this. You have no real reason to email her or ever have her contact details and the message you want to send is pure autism, just like most of your responses in this thread. You can't just ask someone to meet outside of work, especially when you have no prior work friendship with them.

You're literally some mute sperg awkwardly hitting on a girl who barely knows you in an email. It's not a good idea.

>>26396698
>But yes if I send an email I'll take all the suggestions on board and spend this weekend drafting and redrafting until I get this something that is perfect.

No.

Sending any email at all is a shitty idea. There is no perfect message.

>>26397245
better than discarding any chance of meeting her again.

are there literally any femanons willing to give op their opinion on this?

>>26397308

OP had his chance - and he let that opportunity sail past.

People come here all the time with essentially the same shitty story about wanting to text or facebook message or email or write a letter to some girl they have no business awkwardly confessing to - which is what you're doing, no matter how obvious or subtle you make it, you are still confessing to her - and it's always the same. Omega male, girl they barely know, awkward as fuck message that is autistic and cringe as fuck, and the complete refusal to listen when everyone tells them they're doing it wrong.