What event in your life destroyed your self esteem?.

>>26339696
Whenever I was myself my parents would say don't act that way or harshly judge me for being a silly kid. People at school teased me but I didn't care for them, it hurt more coming from my parents. My self esteem has since recovered but every now and then their snark remarks still hurt.

>>26339696
Sex at 6 years old.

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>>26339696
I ran to the garbage can and started throwing up when I had to do public speaking in grade 5. I fucking hated doing speaches every year :(

>>26339696
getting a bad report card started the death of me
also getting routinely embarassed as a kid

I'm not sure what happened, but it was around age 13. I went from outgoing kid to kv basement dweller.

Possibly being called an embarrassment by my mother frequently as a child, was always embarrassed to dress as she wanted or stand out and she'd always get into a stupid rage over me embarrassing her.

Sometimes my brothers would even tell me behind her back that shes being unreasonably harsh.

Got bullied at school too which didnt help

the rejection, tbl-l

Getting rejected just now. Life sucks man kinda just wanna sleep it off to death with pills. Tfw betafag looser.

after I transferred schools, I never made any friends and realized I never really had friends, just people who would use me but wouldn't reciprocate

>>26339731
That could've helped actually.
Haven't you ever seen those autists at middle/high school just doing sonic shit when they're 16 years old?
Maybe you were doing the wrong kind of silly and would've ended much worse.

It wasn't an event, but my entire life slowly drained any feeling of worth out of me.
The first was when my father attacked me in a drunken rage at 6-7 years old and I never saw him again.

It was mainly my mother's doing from also being an alcoholic my entire life. I grew up feeling unloved, had no one to talk to and felt like my parents drank because of me. My mother even said that it was because of me when she was drunk one night.

In school, I literally sat at a table by myself in the lunch room that was completely packed with kids.

When I tried losing weight at 13 years old by walking 3 miles home every day, adult men made fun of me.

Last was when a fat, 5'3 man didn't want a relationship with me because I was also fat.

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>>26339696

First serious girlfriend broke up with me to "have sex with other people", tells me about the sex she's had post breakup in detail one night over the phone.

>insomnia and anxiety increase drastically, when I try to get some sleep I'm haunted by visions of her getting railed by older men

Shortly after (few months later) I failed out of college, which was the only thing I had going for me.

Now I sit in my bedroom pretending to have direction.

I'm basically Harold Smith from Twin Peaks complete with orchids.

>>26339949
Why'd you stay on the phone for that?

>>26339740
go on anon, come on

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>>26339696
>eating at a restaurant my mom works at for lunch
>just graduated highschool and brother works there too
>coworker of my mom introduces himself and asks if I'm going to work here too
>"anon can't do anything"

It still stings to this day and I hate it.

>>26339966
9202774190. Call her for yourself and see.

My dad died when i was 12, and after that I lost the will to do anything.

>>26339996
You can't see anything over the phone anon, if she's hot post the pic.

If she's got some breathy voicemail record it and post it here.

It was like in elementary school when my grandma moved in and she got cancer shortly afterward. The day she died I was probably playing WoW at night when I heard her calling she help and I woke my parents to call the ambulance. I saw her carried out of a stretcher of my house. Then my mom tried to fight me all the time because she was always drunk so I just locked myself in my room to play vidya.

>>26339696
It was a factor of different things over the course of the last 12 years. Im like a lonely nigger with no cotton to pickin.

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>>26339966

She ambushed me mid conversation with the details as far as I can remember.

She called, we were catching up a bit.
At some point I think she asked me if I had been seeing anyone. I asked her the same not expecting her to go into detail about the three guys she's fucked, where she's fucked them and how it was.

I do remember starting to eat a good amount of klonopin as soon as she started telling me all this so I was pretty out of it shortly after the conversation.

That's what happens when your high school crush goes to art school I guess.
>>26339996

I am tempted to call this # but I'll pass.

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The fourth elementary school that I went to (parents had relationship issues they thought would be solved by moving a lot... And now my dad has illegitimate kids everywhere) was literally almost completely white, like 3 blacks and 1 other Hispanic in grade 4. I played soccer before I moved there so I looked full beaner but no one had ever said anything about it before.
>spic
>beaner
>why aren't you out picking oranges?
>how was jumping the border? Or did you swim?
>mfw I thought this shit only happened in movies
>eyes are pitch black
>some kid told everyone to stay away from me because in Twilight hungry vampires had black eyes
>mfw this kid was black bullying me to try to become the superior minority
>thin veins all over my face
>someone told everyone I had cancer
>contagious cancer

After that I quit going outside and started playing WoW and writing WoW fanfic in class. Kudos to my mother's ginger genes for making it only take 2 years for me to blend in with the blancos pardon my facial structure. By 7th grade I was pale and first to enter the scene phase and everyone thought I was cool as shit.
Then move to a 75% black school. hood people don't like scene kids

Also mfw my 2nd high school grade 9 was 33% beaners after I thought my heritage was a bad thing

>>26339949
>First serious girlfriend broke up with me to "have sex with other people", tells me about the sex she's had post breakup in detail one night over the phone.
you guys are such massive cucks. lel.

>>26340115
YOU SHOULD'VE HUNG UP.

I can't remember having any. I've always hated myself, even as a child.

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>>26340129

Yeah I was young and stupid as shit. Imagine the feelings of regret.

Never again friends. Never again.

>>26340010

She wasn't even super attractive trust me. She was "cute" but nah. I have voicemails I could post but I'll spare you.

When my ex gf left me. Even though it helped me grow a lot as a person, my self-esteem has been in tatters ever since.

From around 12 onwards, my interest in life just dropped off. Can't really remember why.

>>26339777
Did you develop a femdom fetish anon?

>>26339696
I realized what it really took to get my rocks off.

Getting broken up via text message. I would've even been fine with a fucking phone call but she gave me some long winded excuse about how it'd hurt too much or whatever

Fuck you marisol seriously

>>26339696
Cut myself off from the world at 14.

Couldn't handle the stress of school and the bullying. My only friend moved away too.

>>26339696
people making fun of me when I were a wee lad

>>26340256
And what's that my good man?

>>26339853
maybe you're right, I certainly feel stronger due to my upbringing

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>>26340310
An animalistic urge to inhale the flatulence of attractive women.
It isn't easily suppressed, but i'm dealing.

>>26340346
Ha! You a chair sniffer brah?

Best friend back in high school mocked me for being short and I ended up physically assaulting him. Really that was one of the bigger straws that broke the camel's back. I've always looked a lot younger and generally been smaller than everyone else, and I have been treated differently because of that. Girls never saw me as someone they could potentially date. I was like their cute little brother. So, because of all of that, I don't believe in myself at all. I'm thinking of just dropping out of college.

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I started school early so i was a year younger than my classmates for the remainder of my schooldays. I was a very shy and weird kid, i was bullied a LOT and this broke whatever self esteem i may have had, i was ashamed of causing problems for my parents, i fell for the tell an adult meme. Thr school system made me feel humiliated, i couldn't make up for lack of social success with good grades because im not very clever.

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>>26340373
No more chair sniffs.
I said no more of them

Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away a long time. They didn't go up there and tell you. I don't sniff chairs anymore.

>>26340423
Just get the shine box chair sniffer.

>>26340218
No because im straight

Original comment though

I'm not completely sure, because I've had a very low self-esteem for as long as I can remember (since ages 2-3 or so). I think at least these things contributed to it:
>some traumatic events I have mostly repressed
>being clumsy
>not being able to fulfill parents' expectations (I'm the oldest child), due to clumsiness and developing slower than most peers
>birth of a brother
>experiences in daycare (e.g. not getting along with caretakers who didn't understand me, maybe seeing other kids master things I couldn't do (not sure about the latter because don't have such memories))
>maybe subconsciously realizing parents knew there was (and is) something wrong with me
Some people just never had a chance.

Many things but the tipping point would probably be when I was leaving Primary School and going into High School (Auscunt so before starting Year 7).
>Going to High School orientation just to be walked around the school with all the other people starting next next year.
>Every time I said anything in Primary School I got insulted and mocked
>Don't say anything in order to avoid that happening here.
>End up with the other people in the group getting bored during the tour and deciding to throw rocks at me.
>People supervising the tour don't do shit.
>Parents end up changing which school I'm enrolled in for some reason.
>Five minutes into the first day I get told to "Shut up faggot", the girls in the class laugh at my face and I end up having rocks thrown at me again.
It's been about five years since I finished the HSC and left school and I still have nightmares where I'm back in High School.

Getting the shit beat out of me by three 5th graders when in the 3rd grade

When my crush told me she would never date a man below 6'. Im 5'8'', she is 5'3''.

Before that I was happy with my height. I loved being the fast agile guy and I had a lot of confidence in myself. I didnt even realize height was a big factor in life.

Getting into adulthood I realized I had to work twice as hard as other, taller people, to gain any form of respect at my work.

People joke about my height all the time and I laugh it off and jest about it trying to be the funny guy, but deep inside a small part of me has died everytime it has happened to the point where instead of being out living life I'm here shitposting on 4chan.

I don't think it was just 1 event, it was slowly chipped away by rejections. Not just from girls, because that happened a few times and did totally suck. Rejections for jobs, promotions, favours from people.

I have so much built up inside me that whenever I try and stand up for myself or go to bat for myself it comes out in a complete mess of words that makes no sense whatsoever.

>>26339696
Girl I liked called me gay, girls grouped around me telling me I'll never get a girlfriend, went to a birthday part where they played a game in which when you get kissed you have to pass that kiss to someone else, no girl picked me the whole night, Chads thought it was funny to pair me up with the downs girl, constantly getting picked last, beta father, constantly fighting parents, Chad brother, got called four-eyes once, been told people call me a freak, weirdo, nerd behind my back, ostracized for 6 months, best friend invited almost everyone but me to his sister's wedding, Independence Day when the men and women greeted each other the girls ostensibly chose to opt out entirely on me, spent prom night drinking a whole bottle of vodka by myself in a secluded park.

>>26339772
This honestly. I was actually really popular and well liked and then.... just stopped liking people. I thought it was a puberty thing but it still hasn't left.

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When the military psych lady told me to fuck off.

>>26339696
School.

lol original comment

When I was 10 and the divorce of my parents happened. I blamed myself for it, became a social recluse. My mom who I then lived with completely gave up on trying to raise me and left me with my videogames all day.

Starting middelschool socially underdeveloped, people seriously thinking I was a sperg. I hated everything and everyone, even the goth kids I tried to fit in with. I haven't spoken to my father for 7 years.

>>26341949
Holy shit me too
I thought my aspergers was no big deal, but when I actually got declined based on my mental state, it crushed me

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>>26339696
It wasn't a single event, it was the way I acted throughout school. Due to being an immature autist, I was an easy target for literally everyone and had issues out the ass.

I live in a small town so everyone I went to school with remembers me as that half retarded guy. Too broke to move and even though I've straightened myself out appearance wise/matured/got myself set up it follows me five years later.

>>26339696

Overbearing and emotionally unstable mother

>find out bitch has been guzzling anti depressants since forever

She fucked my teen years up beyond belief, I was actually in with a cool crof but they fell away because I was never allowed to go to parties

>>26339696
Being called on my retarded behaviour in highschool.
It then made me super self conscious and suspicious of people, especially nice people because it means they're hiding something.
My sister was dealing with bigger issues at the time so I never got to talk about my issues with our parents, I have difficulty talking to them now about personal stuff, they are like acquaintances at best.

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Bullying at school, my dad's physical abuse and my mom's verbal abuse. All okay now tho, parents divorced and I moved out of the house.

>>26341674

Just roast people about their physical flaws when they say shit to you familia, they don't even need to have actual physical shortcomings just point out something that you think they might get embarrassed about like nose size

>>26339696
When my friend killed herself while on the phone with me.

>>26339696
Girls would tell me how ugly i was. Classmates, hell even random girls on the bus that i never met before or again. Also this girl who i had a crush on randomly came up to me one morning to tell me that i was ugly and went off laughing. Some normie chads a few years above also grouped up on me in the yard and grabbed me trying to take a picture of my face.

>>26342789
jesus christ I'm so sorry to hear that

I moved to another country when I was 12 and I was teased for not speaking the language. Meanwhile my parents were forcing me to play the translator for them in all kinds of agencies and then were angry at me for being bad at it.
Since then everything kind of started piling up. I was scared to speak in class, so I had shit grades, I god used to people not really liking me so I never went out.

>>26339696
Got bullied by 3 girls after school when I was 12. Had a crush on one of them prior to the incident. Went home and cried afterwards.

First and only real gf cheated on me with a bunch of guys and lied to me about it and i found out later and pretty much felt like a worthless piece of trash from then on. I didn't have much self esteem to begin with.

>>26339696
I don't remember so I must assume it was something unbelievably traumatic.

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Girl I had a crush on and been friends with for a good while attempted suicide the day after I confessed and asked her to be my girlfriend. All our mutual friends cut contact with me.

I'm a lot better now than I used to be, but still.

Changing schools freshman year.
I suppose if I hadn't though, I'd be a major autistic fag.

Cystic acne fucked my world up desu senpai

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>>26340328
iktfb, Felt like my dad never missed a chance to make a snide remark at me. Not safe at home or school, well just my room at home.

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Well a girl pretty much toyed around with me, i confessed, she said she wanted to be friends so i try to gtfo so it doesn't hurt that much but she guilts trip me into staying with her, then she says she likes me so i'm happy as fuck and ask her out, i get rejected and she tells me that i have been acting like a dick to her for some reason, i set high standards to myself that i can't posibly acomplish so she at least likes me a little bit, this goes on for half a year until i got tired and called her out on all her bullshit.


I still feel it was my fault

She said i was ugly as fuck and that has made me realize that i'm indeed ugly as fuck, at least before i didn't notice it so i started to become a tryhard for looking good (Get /fit/ /fa/ and try to be something that i'm not) Obviously all that isn't going to change my face so on the next years i get rejected by a shit ton of girls. At first it doesn't hurt because "LOL THE WORST THING IS THAT SHE SAYS NO" but then i became aware that i got rejected by +70 girls and that i was an unlovable piece of shit

I hate myself since then, It's funny because i went from being that funny outgoing kid that everybody likes to becoming a sarcastic prick that hides the fact that he hates himself between shitty self deprecating jokes and laughing at everything just to fit in

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>"You didn't die in the hospital? Why did you even bother coming back"?

I wouldn't say destroyed, but holy fuck if I'm not bitter about it

>>26341674
I feel you. I got rejected 2 times because of my height. Most of my friends also casualy joke about it like its no big deal. It really gets on my nerves. I might kill them when I will get tired of that shit. Im close to it.

>>26339696
The moment I found out I have a small penis. Things never recovered from there on out.

>>26339696
my mom being beat up by my step dad and me not having the strength to protect her attacks...i could write a entire book about it

>>26339696
A lot of accumulated things, but mostly the fact that I realized that people only wants to have something with me if they can obtain something in exchange, I never had a true friendship, and all the times I tried to form part of a social circle or make friends I was always that guy that nobody listened to, the ignored weird guy you don't want to tell when the group hangs out.
That kind of thing made me lose all confidence and avoid people altogether.

I don't think I've ever had self esteem. It's weird, I always feel like I've struggled to do normal things because I just don't value myself as a person.

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>>26339696
Probably the people who were my friends at one stage, treating me like shit in high school for seemingly no reason.

>>26339696
Going into a public school in 6th grade, coming out of a homeschool background.

bullying and getting my dick exposed in front of the whole class

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>Best friend started talking to me less
>Started showing up sporadically when he needed money
>When I stopped giving it to him, he stole from me. He drove across town, across hundreds of houses, to get to MINE, where he took MY valuables

>The girl I wanted more than anything was just using me to get to my slightly less beta friend I'd had for years
>They invite me to a party and start fucking on the kitchen floor while I'm in the next room
>They offered to stay friends next time I saw them and I accepted, then they immediately lost respect for me and stopped hanging out with me

>Another friend of mine started fucking my sister and never showed up again unless my sister was there

>Rebound girl from work, after the one mentioned before, compared me to a sibling when I was trying to make a move on her

>Another good friend stopped interacting with me because I wasn't part of the clique anymore, composed of everyone above

All of this happened in the span of a month.

>>26339696
I've just never had any. I never had a bunch of traumatic life experiences. My life has just been empty and unfulfilling.

>>26345159
Pleass green text this

>raised by single mother
>late bloomer in addition of being younger than my classmates anyways
>bullied because ugly introvert nerd
>friends turn against me because I'm a loser

I turned into the funny guy at some point and people started to kinda like me but that didn't really change anything. Except that I hate my self even more for being dishonest with myself.

failing at college math and physics
also acne, poverty and skinny body

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>>26339696
I honestly don't know

it's never really been there in the first place.

Several things, but a big cause would either have been a family death or my 10th birthday conversation with my father. Just that the conversation took a while to really sink in that he was right

>>26346386
You gonna elaborate?

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Being drunken, father came up and and started to yell at me, telling that I'm a failure and I shouldn't have been born. Even though many years passed by, I still remember it.

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>>26339696
>Grew up being bullied by sister and cousin
>If I ever spoke up or got happy I had to sit in a corner.
>Mother told me on my 18th birthday she failed at raising me, and I'm everything she never wanted.
>father (religious) tells me when judgement day comes he fears he will be judged by God and sent to hell for parenting me. He told me I am his sins.
>spend childhood alone or in a corner
>never developed social skills
>flinch at social confrontation
>kill me

>>26339696
4 rejections in a row

bullied when i was young, acne, some of the looks i get from those of the opposite sex make me feel worthless. they'll see me looking and turn their nose up. this kills the male. shitty diet

>>26346794
You're not living with these people anymore, are you?

>>26346844
at least i can get dubs tho, doesnt make any difference

>>26346861
Trying to go through college. I work as a grocery store clerk, I can't afford to move out.

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My entire life has been one enormous beatdown of my self-esteem.

>bullied severely as a kid
>real bullying, not sticks and stones shit
>moved almost every year, so no consistent friends
>abusive father who yelled at me and threw me against walls if I acted "disrespectful" in any way
>shut-in stay at home mother who sheltered me to the point of locking me inside
>always depressed and anxiety riddled, and the fighting in my house only made it worse
>talentless and stupid, failed at pretty much everything I've ever tried
>been a khv neet for five years now since graduating high school
>no future plans

And I'm posting here, so you can probably assume some other things about me too.

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>>26339696
the day my aunt walked in on me impregnating my cousin and then making me pay for the abortion

because I was responsible for the ugly of the baby ;_;

>>26339696
>6th grade, be 12
>truth or dare?
>"stacy, I dare you to kiss *generic normie* in the cheek"
>"okay, don't turn your head *kisses"
>5 minutes later
>"stacy, I dare you to kiss anon in the cheek"
>"no, not anon, I'm out"
>went home and cried myself to sleep
>

>>26346994
holy fuck that's harsh I'm truly sorry for you

>childhood
>got severally bullied for several years
>move
>genuinely nice kids
>turn into the bully
>dickhead pre-teen Chads flock to me
>constantly bully other kids that were in my old position

>mid-teens realize I was a cunt
>stop

>consumed by guilt for taking my insecurities out on other people for several years later
>regret every second
>hate pretty much all social interaction
>overanalyze all past scenarios after the fact.

It's okay though, karma.

>>26346994
damn, a feel I feel all too well

>>26344914
I feel the same way. <6.5" is brutal desu

>>26341777
This nearly made me cry anon. Oh wait, I fell a tear! oh gawd I'm crying now.

>>26339740
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....aaaaat???this be bait or i be 9 inches

>>26346899
Have you ever considered murdering your family or hiring a hitman? They NEED to die like now!

Constant rejection from the opposite sex all through my young and adult male life.

I would ask a girl on a date. She would say yes. Then never message me again.

Girl would friendzone me after leading me on.

Girls would look at me and then consider me nothing but a plain, ugly ordinary man. Even though inside, I was a nice, made an effort to look good and stay on top of myself unlike the other motherfuckers I would see.

They just watch me lay there helpless sinking into the mud. I only wanted to be happy like everyone else.

I'm just destroyed.

>raised with three brothers 8-15 years older than me
>beaten regularly from age 3-10
>raped at age 6
>constantly called gay or faggot by brothers
>ostracized in school
>constantly lied to by family and friends
>paddled and grounded for standing up for myself "Turn the other cheek."
>paddled and grounded for telling on my brothers when they beat me or confined me
>mother got drunk and told me she should have aborted me
>no one to talk to for 27 years of my life, no one to trust, no one cares
>see people my age getting married, but I never touched another person and felt good about it
>feel obligated to do good but feel an intense feeling of anger whenever I help people
>the only thing I enjoy is RPing and pretending I am someone else

getting mono over winter break my senior year of high school. lost tons of gains and broke my will to be /fit/. also the loss of the social structure provided by football really fucked me up

>>26343285
Holy fuck anon I am sorry, that sounds awful

Bullying throughout my childhood and my dads strict parenting stripping me of my individuality

>>26345251
i'd be fucking pissed and beat the shit out of every last one of them

>>26344975
Do it and you will become a rich fucker

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My severe bullying that never let up, even throughout High School

>grade school
>smallest kid in the grade
>constantly get bullied
>stop taking shit
>constantly get into fights
>deemed the "problem child"
>constantly in the principal's office
>went to different High School
>thought it would change
>more bullying
>spent most of the time skipping class
>until I dropped out

Really wish I didn't let people affect my life so much.

>>26348008

>the only thing I enjoy is raping and pretending I am someone else

Details?

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I dunno. I just never had any to begin with I think.

>>26346386
Elaborate lad
We want to feel too

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>middleschool
>7th grade
>get relentlessly bullied at lunch by a table next to mine full of 8th graders
>they literally call me 'ugly' as a nickname
>get bullied on busride home
>have literally nobody to sit/talk to
>decide to ride the bus home with one of my friends
>my mom is at their house and will drive me home
>mom is happy that I'll be less depressed when I ride home with friend
>get on bus
>back of the bus immediately starts screaming
>couple 8th graders from bus who sit at lunch table start screaming "EW, UGLY"
>entire bus laughs at me
>bus driver has argument with one of the kids
>"why are you saying that?"
>"because she's SO UGLY"
>this continues on for about five minutes as I awkwardly find a seat and try not to look upset
>as the bus begins to drive on, a girl next to me says, "you're not even that ugly, don't worry"
>you're not even that ugly

mfw

>>26348295
RPing isnt raping

>>26348360

Tell us about yours, bucko.

>>26348366
my sides

this is what all females deserve

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>>26348366
>"because she's SO UGLY'
>she

>>26340377

What program are you taking? Why would you drop out?

I want to kill myself since I'm unlikeable

I don't fit in with anybody

I'm lonely and I want to wake up

>>26344001

how would you go about killing all of your friends? after you killed one of them wouldn't the cops be showing up? would you just goto each individual house?

>>26341674
No anon. Everybody below 6' just lacks confidence and has little man syndrome, if you can't get a date it's your fault women don't care about height as much as confidence and you're obviously insecure about your height even though women give you plenty of reason to be.

just b urself lol

>>26339696
The fact that nobody wants to be my friend. Ever.

>>26339696
Thought another sexy girl from school wanted to go out with me. Wondered wether should I end my long distance relationship to be with that girl, trying to ignore the fact that she went out every weekend and got drunk and had had sex with other men. Ended up being acknoweledged she didn't want anything with me and had to break up with my gf since things were weird.

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>>26339696
I was bullied every single day in Middle school for being the only white kid in a black school in the middle of the ghetto. Pushed into Urinals, shit beaten out of me, my name was 'Whiteboyfaggot' or 'Allah' because I was Persian.

I went to a nice High School, but after that experience I was never able to connect with people. I always subconsciously assume that when someone is being nice to me, they are really just fucking with me. Thats how bad it fucked me up mentally.

>>26349792
>they literally called you a white person and the arabic word for "god"

These are compliments you know.

Severe acne absolutely FUCKED MY SHIT UP

Age 13 to 18 was nothing but a hell of facial cleansers and pimple cream. Being forced to talk to people and seeing their eyes go from my eyes to my disgusting face was like being stabbed in the gut. Whenever someone would actually mention it I wanted to die.

And this all happened at the time in your life when you're supposed to be happy and trying things and meeting girls. The whole 5 years was wasted and it took a long time afterwards to get to the point where I could make eye contact while in conversation. I still can't function socially though.

guys and girls bullying me

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Being bullied from kindergarden all the way till the end of high school.

>>26339696
The mirror.

>>26343983
What's happening in the last panel?

>>26339696
mental hospital
it's fucking original

>>26349792
>persian
>white

end yourself

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>>26349933
>age 18

Oh fuck don't remind me about that

>>26348651
High school english teaching.

I want to drop out because I have absolutely zero motivation to study, because I don't believe in myself at all. I never have, because I'm small, and prople treat me accordingly.

>>26339915
Fuck man, I'm sorry.

A girl pretended to be my best friend for two years because she pitied me. After I found out about it and just how much she had grown to hate me I decided to drive her away for her own good. Now she openly wishes I would die, but at least she's doing what makes her happy.

I have since then lost all hope of ever being loved, even platonically.

>be me, tiny, ugly 8 year old
>parents divorce because my dad gave up on me
>mom tries to help raise me
>she got mad at me once and said
>"everyone has been right, you're fucking ugly!"
>she immediately apologized
>continue on, never able to have a proper relationship with my mom
>dad thinks the same, he can't stand me
>my brother is already getting gfs at age 14
>doing good, has plenty of friends
>only talks about his gf and it makes me feel horrible
>too shy to tell him
>start hating myself for being such a fuckup
>attempt suicide twice, leaving the house for multiple hours
>nobody even notices
>go to school, nobody talks to me
>9 and a half now, still no irl friends
>never even talked to a girl in my school
>literally drew every wrong number in the genetic lottery
>my family thinks I'm ugly and dumb as shit
>school thinks I'm ugly and dumb as shit
>I feel ugly and dumb as shit
Basically this until here I am now, 19, still a virgin who has literally 0 irl friends.
I have had irl friends, just not real ones I can confide in.

>>26350631
Just clearing it up, my suicide attempts always ended with me not having the balls to do it, so I would just come back home.
Unsurprisingly, this only made me feel worse.
I'm not feeling as bad now as I was then, I've gotten over the fact I'm probably going to end up being a wizard until I die, but I don't really care if my family is disappointed in me.

>>26342789
Jesus Christ.

How did you react?

Not a single moment, being constantly reminded of all people that I was fat and nonathletic really fucked my self esteem. I was literally called disgusting by girls and laughed at for my appearance several times.
Unfortunately it took me until college to realize that I can change all that if I get off my fat ass and work out. But that wasn't really an option back then, I was too deep into the depression already and completely isolated myself.
It just never seemed fair to me, I just wasn't into sports and simply preferred comfy video games to rolling around in the dirt and getting bruises from playing shitty divegrass.
Well things are alright now but I still feel like I missed out on so many things back then in my teens.

>>26350505
No, I'm not white. I was to all the nignogs at my school though.

>>26339696
Being rejected by 100% of the girls I have ever asked out

Dad died when I was 13, lost all my social skills. Never recovered...

Severely damaging my rotator cuff, allowing my shoulder to painfully dislocate after any sort of intense use. Essentially this turned me into a defenceless little pussy, could no longer play Football and I'm now at the mercy of literally anyone. This has had a severe ripple effect on the rest of my life.

>>26339696
My parents laughing at me whenever I told them I liked a girl. I didn't understand why they did that, and 9-year-old me concluded that romance was something shameful. Took me years to grow out of it. Unfortunately puberty already started by that time.

The acne on my face, neck, back and benis I've had from age 14 until now (23) destroyed any self-esteem I had left. It's disgusting, I don't remember what it was like having a clean back. I can't get rid of it, but am aware of it 24/7. No hope to fix my issues, no hope to ever experience intimacy.

It wasn't any single event, it was the constant barrage of failures and false hope that did it for me.

>>26347370
I was the same way. Which type of kids did you pick on the most?

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>>26342789
that's hardcore

>be me
>4 ft tall chubby 6th grader in catholic middle school
>play runescape all day
>google "girls naked xxx" all night
>"alright anon, enough is enough, you need to join a sport at school"
>butmooooommmmm.gif
>join soccer team, seems like the easiest sport
>coach makes me a defender, basically stand around near the goal until someones comes toward you with the ball
>have to wear white t shirt at practice
>forget white t shirt one day
>half way through practice coach yells "ok guys lets skirmish! white shirts vs skins!"
>thank god, i always have my white shirt
>look down, remember i dont have white shirt today
>oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
>"hurry anon we want to start!"
>take off shirt, hear giggles form everyone
>three girls walk to edge of the field, crush amongst them
>fml
>whistle blows, game starts
>other team bringing ball towards me
>nows my chance to impress everyone
>prechad kicks ball literally right at me
>fucking idoit
>jump up, catch ball in chest
>loudest slapping soun youve ever heard
>sounded like low flying jet broke sound barrier wrapped in a wet wash cloth
>everyone stops
>"anon just stopped the ball with his massive tits!"
>everyone laughs
>look over at crush, shes basically KIA from laughter
>some kid yells "good job clan mother!"
>mfw get called clan mother rest of middle school
>qt crush dates prechad
>never have anything resembling self-esteem again

Growing up my parents used to beat me when I didn't bring home good grades. When I started high school I hadn't done the summer reading and plagiarized a book report on it. I got in huge trouble but after I wrote an apology paper I got off with an F on the assignment instead of serious disciplinary action. That night my mom was so mad at me for embarrassing her that she tried to smother me with a pillow. I ran crying to my dad who basically told me it was my fault for not doing my work.

Later, much to their surprise, they realized that raising me like an animal made me basically grow up to be one and they were much nicer to my little brother.

>>26351957

she was never going to date with you anyway

My mom was fucking psycho so i hated her. I later found out she had seen some shit and some fucking shrink convinced her that guilt wasn't a feeling. Probably great for her, but it made my childhood shit. I didn't care though. I always called her out on her bullshit and fought with her. Life was good. Fucking idiot dad slowly gets mad at me cause i keep fighting with my mom. I always used to confide in him cause i felt like he was a neutral party and he actually cared about me. One day when i'm complaining to him about my mom he stops and looks right at me. "anon, one day i'm gonna beat the shit out of you, and your gonna be so surprised."
Welp, I guess he hates me too.
Next week he actually did beat me up. fucker.

I worked hard though, if only cause i hated them. I'm in college on scholarships now. My mom acts like she is so hurt because i never call her. Bitch, if i didn't need a house to stay at during summer/winter break i would never talk to my family again. Not so much lack of self esteem anymore, but i still have no trust in people. Either way, 3rd semester in college and still no friends. People don't dislike me, but no one want to talk to me. I guess i'm just a loner now... on 4chan.

Does somebody have the pic for that thread where the anon's drawing about raping a abducted underage cat girl with pre-abduction name and everything getting discovered by his parents?

Can't really say. I still laugh at jokes, I still have friends and loved ones, my parents were never bad people but despite everything that is right in my life I can't help that there's something missing. It's not as if I need a purpose, I find the idea of events being pre-determined distasteful but that is just my opinion. As I get older still I actually spend a long time thinking about death and if there is any existence after it, so muich so that problems like money and social construct just don't seem important to me anymore. It keeps me awake at night and makes me wonder if it is worth getting out of bed in the morning if we are all doomed to simply blip out of existence one day. The thought of me as a person, as a consciousness even, with these concepts of free will, the collective memories and laws of the universe I have learned and come to understand, the beauty I find in nature and some people and animals and all the joy and happiness and disparity and hurt and pain that not just me, but the human race as a whole feels just simply ceasing to be has thrown my life and what I have come to perceive as my existence into complete disarray. How can something so complex as the human spirit with it's profound expression of being be just deleted or wiped with nothing there to have proven that you had ever even existed. This concept of existing throws me into utter confusion and loss, am I machine following programming? Am I supposed to feel this way? Or am I truly individual and unique? Do I matter? Do we matter? Is anything I do in this life going to matter or will it all be for naught? When we die, do we feel it? Can I watch the rest of the universe? Is it black? Is it like sleep? Or more likely it is simply nothing? More than anything I just want to be; forever and eternity, but I don't know if that will happen and there's no way of knowing until it happens.

>That thought terrifies me in ways I'd wager most people on earth can't imagine.

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Going to University and realizing that everyone thought I was an obnoxious fat prick even if I acted like I was friends with everyone.

Then seeing that I was an autistic bipolar shit, its who I am, part of who I am at least, and my fault. Everything I do is just so fucking stupid its a miracle I'm not homeless. Even then I'm living on the charity of a friend in his house.

I remember taking anti-psychotics one day then it all came crashing down. I began to pay more attention to my surroundings instead of the voices in my head. I saw how people talked shit behind my back and how I didn't hear it before, I made sure it was real. I saw how my "friends" just tolerated me and used me for favors/things/self pleasure.

What fucked with me most was seeing how I simply wanted attention for all I did, without putting in the work for anything. I would just say I'd do something, and everything in my life was spoon fed to me. I'm a complete air head. If I was a pretty girl with a rich father I would be the epitome of garbage. I'm constantly emotional and it takes a massive amount of concentration and willpower to get anything done, I barely have the energy to get out of bed sometimes let alone take care of a days work.

So I grew up and saw I was garbage. And thats it OP. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that someone might like to be in my company but then I remind myself of the above.

^^You're overthinking shit. You have a good life, don't fucking waste it with us. Who gives a shit why your here, your here. Enjoy it while you still can. Sooner or later something fucks you up to the point that your just waiting on death, because there's no going back once you've experienced it.

Not one event, just a slow build-up of being put down, ignored, bullied

I find it hard to trust people even now because I feel like they're just fucking with me

>>26351957
>prechad
Now that you mention it i remember Chads all the way through pre school.
what the fuck how is that even fair? Chads are already on top before their balls drop.
Also as a brazilian i think i should tell you, if you're not naturally athletic STAY AWAY FROM SOCCER.
You know what scratch that and just stay away from sports, competing against Chad is a lost cause.

I finally lost my virginity with some random chick.
Condom slipped a bit during.
Got HSV2.

JUST
I guess that's what being a degenerate gets me. It was hard enough getting someone to give me the time of day before, what the fuck do I do now?

>>26339696
>What event in your life destroyed your self esteem?.

Being born.

Being fat since kid and shit parents who had to work everyday so I was always alone, instead of paying a doctor or a fucking sport they decide to bully me, so I was bullied at school and in my house by my own family.


That basicslly fucked my entre life, Im 22 nos and lost 20kg last year, but I hace a lot of insecurities and a lot of problems regarding food, my body is full of stretch marks and loose skin, I really want to die.

>>26353572
anon just stop being gay now that you aren't fat (I hope so)