Cringe Stories Thread

>>26164420
>a horse with a broken leg is basically useless so the farmer or whatever has to take it out back and shoot it
>I blurt out "You're like a horse"
>"I-I have to take you out back... a-and uh..."
that could be a good pick up line

>>26164547
"You're useless, let's bang" I like it

>>26164420
I've seen that photo often yet I never understand what's the backstory

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>>26164420
>"You're like a horse"
The sight of OP shouting this out during a dinner is making me losing my shit

>>26165247
It's Mew2king at an event where he got kissed by his cousin on the cheek.

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>>26165426
It was probably the most autismal thing I've done in public

>be me
>second ago
>playing music at max volume on laptop on headphones
>accidentally pull the plug

IMMEDIATELY CTRL + F'D "CRINGE" TO POST THIS IN THIS THREAD KILL ME NOW

>>26166565
Mew2King is a fucking sperg
Still the best at smash tho

>>26164420
lolm2k lolm2k lolm2k

>>26164420
>9th grade
>study hall
>be me, dorky white beta
>black people, talking about basketball
>oh crap I can get the ball into the net occasionally, I'm a basketball fanatic
>"Oh wow, I love basketball, too, and I'm WHITE!!!"
>dignity-uninstaller.exe

>>26168138
ya dun goofed

>>26168053
What music?

>>26168206

luckily it was 679 by Fetty Wap and I'm black + my family's black so it could've been a LOT worse, but as I was trying to pause the music I accidentally started playing "The Four Heavenly Knights Battle Theme" from Monster Girl Quest (a hentai game) cause I thought I had 679 playing in foobar instead of my browser.

>>26168076
>Still the best at smash tho
Did you see him at PAX today?

Or at any major in the past year?

>in highschool
>standing in circle with a mix of people talking shit
>random Stacy says something to me about my mother jokingly
>"your dad likes it!" i'msowitty.jpeg


>her dad died two weeks ago
>nobody told me
>couldn't look at her for a long time

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>She invites me to mall
>She wants to see all the stores (like she hasn't before) but this time, with me
>She pays for our meal at the food court (I'm not paying for that shit bitch)
>She stares at me as I talk about random shit
>I don't have anything else to talk about
>Silence for like 5minutes
>Tell her I have to go
>Get on bus and leave
2 years later
>realize that was my first date, and I thought she was being weird inviting me (ME!) to the mall

jfmsufamily

she had a nice ass too

>>26168288
The best in our hearts, meinegger.
I wonder if he browses r9k

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>>26164420
>Spent day with Childhood Friend in a pool
>Later she invites me to sleep at her home
>When I there, I fart like 3 times throught the night
>She looks disgusted and never hangs out with me again
The only relief I have it's that she turned into a crazy ass hardcore feminist now and I got to see her titties because he posted them as a form of "protest"

>>26168344
OK, fair point. He is the definition of a robot.

I wish we could see a return to his skill level in like 2007-2009. I also wish he'd pull out Marth more.

>>26168410
Justice is served

>Brother is in prison
>He wants me to deliver a letter to some girl he knows from a local tesco
>Why not just send it to her address?
>Lmao I don't know it I just know she works at that tesco and shes a good friend of mine so she will know its coming for me.
>We'll ok what can go wrong
>Take the letter and go to tesco
>Grab some shit to buy not to look weird
>Go afternoon and shes on till shift perfect
>By some chance I get put to her on the till (Its a tesco express)
>Scans my shit
>I slip the letter
>She looks at me weird
>You know my brother right? he told me to give you this letter
>She say no
>You don't know chad? that chad you must know him!
>Shes just fucking staring at me
>Everyone at the store freezes and just looks at us
>They start to giggle
>P-Please just take the letter
>She won't take the letter
>Feels like security will just burst through the door and escort me out
>Grab the letter, grab my shit and leave while hearing whispering behind me

To this day the fucker claims he knew the girl, she still works there and gives me weird looks sometimes when she remembers me (It was 5 years ago)

>>26168485
He also got cucked so I think he'd be open to the idea of the blackpill.

>>26168520

desu you fucked up the approach by trying hard and being less than apathetic and imo not just saying that you're giving her the letter on your brother's behalf, but he never said to say it's on your behalf so he kind of dug your grave for you there. lose/ lose situation.

that actually coulda worked out really well if you 1. didn't explain that horses get shot when they break their leg, everyone knows this and 2. you said all of that less awkwardly and more confidently

>in high school drivers ed class
>some fucking retarted stacy turns around and says
>If someone was to shoot up the school it would probably be you
>look her in the eyes and say
>probably
>she turns around without saying anything else
>No one talked to me for the rest of they year not even the teachers

>>26168520
you shoulda made a game plan
basically just
>ask her "hey do you know my brother X?"
>no I don't
>okay sorry I thought you looked like someone he hangs around
problem solved

>>26168800
>"You're like a horse."
>table goes quiet, girl looks at you with a weird expression
>"I'll have to take you out back"
>'And kill me for being injured?'
>"N-no, I mean- I mean fuck you, for being injured...."
>'You fuck injured horses?'

>>26168548
He got cucked? Do you just mean his shit performance at most tourneys nowadays (compared to where he once was)?

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>had mid years recently
>finish early
>see two girls, one cute and the other meh
>they ask me how I did
>"pretty good though x and y were difficult"
>"omg!! We felt the same way about x and y"
>get some laughes in
>they seem very into it
>run out of things to say
>walk away in the least smooth way possible
>hear "um..OK" as I abruptly ended to conversation
>leave a trail of spaghetti as I walk away
>end up forcing Italian familys into poverty by over inflating the worth of pasta.
>tfw Italy's economic system completely shaterd as there main export is now worthless

I felt really goofy the entire day, I let it get to me. So much so that I felt stupid through every class and had trouble concentrating.

Feels bad man

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>>26168410
Woah I think I know her, this is the girl right?

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not neccesaarely spaghetti but

>freshman highschooler
>get on bus
>some whale sits next to me
>lean head against window and look out of the window
>"hi my name is (forgot name)"
>she sticks her hand out to shake
>im forced to shake her hand and i just say my name and look back out window
>so, what grade are you i-"
>mfw this bitch is still talking
>too beta to tell her to stop so i reluctanty answer her questions
>this fat bitch tries to get my number but i say i forgot it
>thought she would only sit there once
>bitch does it again the next day
>after that they i just zoom to the back of the bus to hide

i am not a violent person, nor am i easly angered but i want to beat this bitch to death with a bat for some reason

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>>26169948
>be grill
>time to bus to school
>get on bus, qt3.14 boy looking lonely next to empty seat
>bottle up all my spaghetti, sit next to him
>he seems shy so I introduce myself, we talk a bit
>so far so good
>spaghetti still bottled, I ask for his number
>alpha status here I come
>he says he forgot it
>uh oh, bad sign
>sit next to him again the next day, he seems cold
>he starts avoiding me, sitting in the back of the bus
>I don't talk to people on buses anymore

>>26168889
That edge

>>26171290

Just read that post and desu if it wasn't realistic for the NSA to have archived that data on him and blacklisted him from ever working for them among other things, that was probably the best reply he could have given.

>>26169623
That image made me physically gag.

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>>26171603
What's wrong anon? Can't handle a real woman?

>>26169623
No, not her, she's still somewhat cute and slim.

>>26168053
This happened to me in the gym once when I was playing remove kebab

>>26168297
people who have dead parents shouldn't joke with others about their parents. I had a guy at my school whose mom died yet always made yo mama jokes and whenever someone made a comeback about his mother he wanted to fight...

>>26172567

If it was still a dank meme back then it might've been alright, but to be fair normies don't know Bout memes really, especially not back then, so maybe they just thought you were a possible terrorist or something, I dunno.

>>26164420
So you know for future reference, the reason they shoot the horse is because the leg never heals and the horse becomes lame and can't run and suffers a life of suffering, so it's kinder to shoot them.

>>26168297
>bully talking shit about my mom and sister
>I say "I like your little sister's toothless mouth on my cock"
>his sister got in an ATV accident, knocked all her teeth out, was in a coma for a bit
>I didn't know, I just assumed since she was young...
>everyones like dude wtf, his mom called my dad
>my dad told her to fuck off and

>>26172732
>and
The suspense is killing me

>>26169948
Why not just slay that whale? Prime your harpoon and dip in. They all feel about the same when you're balls deep, and now you'll be here 'girls don't want to fuck me'. No. Only hot girls don't want to fuck you. Yiu could be Ahab the whale killer. Now you're just some virgin robot.

>>26172732
Fuck dude that was a good story

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>>26172762
and they all lived happily ever after
the end
>>26172814
thanks dude

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original Comment blox faggot fuck u robot

>>26172732
>>I didn't know, I just assumed since she was young...

TOPKEK, ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU THOUGHT YOU TOLD A DUDE YOU WANT A TODDLER'S MOUTH ON YOUR COCK?

>>26164420
Hahahah. Excellent, OP.

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>Presentations in AP Lang class
>last presenter is this girl
>she's doing presentation on good and bad effects of mental conditions on people or some bullshit i dont remember
>she lists all the conditions, rapist is one of them
>i blurt out "there's something good about rapists?"
>she proceeds to list whatever thing i dont fuckin remember i dont even think i was listening i was too caught up in my own funny comment
>i see she stopped speaking, so i fucking blurt out
>"Good thing I'm not ALL bad."
>instantly realized i called myself a rapist in front of everyone in my class
>teacher stares at me
>mfw

>fit as fuck at the time (been training for football)
>at club on works night out
>dressed like maori warrior (fancy dress for work)
>girls comes up the second i walk into the place
>8/10 easy
>"wow, haha... what;s that you're wearing?"
>*up real close, stroking my arm*
>"just fancy dress"
>"do you have a name"
>"no"
>"you don;t have a name?"
>"nah"
>"oh...", *walks away*
>friends: "holy shit" you pulled already? where's she going?"
>"duno"

still a virgin, go me

>>26164420
>>26172870
Here's mine.

>last day of high school
>girls are talking about signing yearbooks
>one girl looks at me and asks if I will sign hers
>I say, "Oh, I'll sign your book..."
>we stare at each other for a second
>everyone around us is silent
>she goes back to talking to one of her friends

To this day, I don't know why I said that or why I said it so suggestively. I don't even know what I intended on saying, that just came out.

>>26172915
Another.

>at a dance
>guy keeps talking about how he's going to freak dance this really attractive girl
>asks me if I'll help him out
>agree
>approach the girl with him
>he gets behind, I get up front
>so bad at dancing that I end up smacking him away
>looks like I was pushing him away from her
>she thinks I saved her
>she hangs off me for the rest of the night, other girls are calling me her savior

It was fail wrapping back around to win, except it haunted me for the rest of our friendship.

>>26172957
To clarify, I became friends with the girl. We never banged, and that's really my only regret.

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>>26172883
Pay no attention to this comment. Only pay attention to the reaction image.

>>26172854
she was an elementary schooler who I had seen before who didn't look like she had many teeth
I was 12

>>26172847

The supposed two weeks without shitting was the first real "okay, this didn't happen" moment for me, and the supposed hand infection from a human bite causing the teacher to be off for two weeks was the second, but this guy supposedly climaxing and cummint the very instance people notice him jerking off in public was what totally killed my suspension of disbelief or whatever and made me close this tab. What a waste of time.

>>26172883
>AP Lang
>teacher is telling a story about someone's death
>makes a joke about it
>say "That's not funny, my brother died that way."
>he gets serious, looks at me, says "Really?"
>say "No."
>silence

FUCKING AP LANG

>>26172957
>>26172980

Dude, if I was your buddy, I'd find that whole thing to be fucking hilarious. Least you saved him the embarrassment, right?

>>26173065
I guess, idk. That's the last time I remember talking to him, but we weren't really good friends to begin with.

>>26164420
>be me was in private highschool
>locker mate 9/10 petite mix white asian babe
>she never locks her locker
>ninjaing into locker room sneak off into bath room with her sneakers a few time to jerk off while sniffing that pure maiden essence
>cum into toe tip of her sneakers then dry off to avoid suspicious
>one Saturday too horny, sneak into school through an unlocked window leading into bathroom that I have used before
>everything goes smooth good jerking session and all
>swaggering through hallway back to locker room
>suddenly silhouette slip pass outside of windows
>turn and look, there were like 4 cops jogging to the main entrance
>quicken my pace, put shoes back, take a school manual as an excuse GTFO through back entrance as quick as possible
>cops are guarding every exit
>"pls take a sit on the side walk here and empty your pockets sir, what were you doing in there"
>show the cop my student card and the manual, "to get my book"
>"how did you get in?"
>"some arab lady opened the door for me?"
>"are you sure? people aren't allowed in the school on weekend"
>"yes"
>they let me go, back home told my parents the same lie to avoid suspicion if cops contact home
>monday
>call to principal's office
>"anon, what were you doing here in school Saturday"
>camera surveillance footage on monitor turned to face me
>oh shite niggah
>"pls tell us how did you get into the school"
>full panic mode, spewing gibberish
>ended up faking passing out from panic
>parents were called at school, watched the vid with my level director while I was pretending passing out

the girl was apparently informed as well since she no longer keeps her locker unlocked, those 10 minutes of my parents watching the video of me sneaking a pair of size 7 sneakers into bathroom and then come out like a new man, talking with my directly, was the most intense cringe I have ever experienced, I believe my jaw muscles grew a bit after that day

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>>26173054
i've got another AP Lang story
>teacher handing out random color markers for some flashcard thing
>after every group takes their markers, he notices that both of the brown colors are left
>yells out "No love for brown, huh?"
>all three black people in room perk up
>"Probably because it's the color of shit!"
>all three black people get up and start yelling at him
>he looks fucking scared as shit
>i'm fucking laughing as the black kids are pelting him with paper and pencils and shit
>mfw the 5'2" manlet sprints out of room

>>26173143
>anon, what were you doing here in school Saturday?

Becoming a new man.

>>26164420
>Be me
>Last week at a party with some people that were friends of a few of my friends
>Things were going okay
>This girl that works at a local bar and grill as a waitress was there and she always serves my friends and I
>Recognizes me
>"Hey anon! Small world! :)"
>"Y-yeah haha"
>Talk with her a bit sort of awkwardly and continue on with the night
>Eventually I end up having to use the bathroom; the guy's house is under construction so I have to go outside and take a leak in the woods
>Start walking back
>Waitress girl walks up behind me, grabs my waist and says, "Hey stranger; I want to get to know you more since you're my customer and what not ;)"
>"Y-yeah? S-sorry I don't like people touching me"
>Walk ahead back into house
>She doesn't talk to me for the rest of the night

FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK

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>be, 2012, age 16
>sit next to oneitis in class
>never had a chance and was aware, just sat next to her
>one day, her friends start asking guys sitting at the table who they are attracted do
>eventually get to me
>ohdearGodstrikemedown.jpg
>avoid answering
>they press me for an answer, asking about specific girls
>strategy is to deny everything
>start asking about themselves, continue denial (they were annoying, so I wasn't lying)
>ask about oneitis
>exterminatus.png
>reasoning sets in
>if I say no, it would be an insult to oneitis, if I say yes, then my attraction is outed
>just refuse to continue the conversation any further
>they continue to ask
>becoming so embarrassed I close my eyes and turn away

>>26173346
did you go for the guys next? sometime I pussy out but they were instinctual from sheer lack of experience and excitement, to think you can go as far as to say it out in words, damn son

>>26173346
feel bad for you man, in retrospect sure it was autismo, but I would have had the same response. getting touched unexpectedly feels like such a fucking breach.

>>26173373
in that circumstance I would just accept that I don't have a chance and say it out loud, at least I won't regret it

>>26173442
>>26173446
I could've literally gotten pussy for the first time in a year and a half had I not chickened out of that situation though.

>go to church event with a girl I like
>she drives
>we get to my house to drop me off
>talking about shit
>romantic sounding music on
>literally have one of those moments where you're just staring into each others eyes and she's smiling
>she had told me she didn't want a relationship early on in the relationship
>miss the fucking opportunity
>then get out of the car awkardly because I had a hardon and didn't want her to see it or my ass crack
>go to hug her
>she tries to kiss me
>end up trying to dodge her because I felt like it was an awkward position to hug, didn't realize she wanted to kiss
>say "Oh my God that was awkward"
>she says "It wasn't that awkward" and drives away
It didn't really end there. For the rest of that short lived I-don't-know-what-to-call-it, she basically served herself up on a platter for me and I fucked it up every single time.. I feel like such a huge faggot.

>>26173468
She didn't seem that bothered by me being her beta orbiter though (in that circumstance, I have to think she knew), and even tried to find me girls she thought would like me until she graduated.

>realize in retrospect that I must have been fairly attractive because she was suggesting literal 8/10s

>>26168245
i have MGQ music on my phone, a normie friend asked what it was from and i said i didn't remember. No one's going to think "huh, that sounds like porn music desu"

>>26172847
this shit is so fucking fake

>>26173502
heh similar experience

some literally 9/10 girl repeatedly explicitly showed affection to me, e.g. facebook during night, told me she like my voice, offered to hug me, as far as groping my butts when nobody is around

every single fucking time, I rejected her with some uncontrollable disgusted facial expression or very tendiesh excuses involving my parents

>>26173524
Not to burst your bubble anon but she might have been fishing for compliments
>"Who, her? Nah, she's nothing special (not compared to you S-Stacey)"
Did you ever pursue one of her suggestions?

>>26173538

desu I'm not sure which came first, but I think if anything a normie'd think of "Run Dem Weh" by Elephant Man.... it sounds almost exactly the same:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJcZlhtKBok

>>26168485
...his skill level didn't decrease. Everyone else just got better in fucking 8 years, naturally. You could argue he makes more errors now that he plays multiple games.

M2K was never known for being a super skilled player. He admits himself that he doesn't have Mango level talent, just that he used to practice 24/7 and learned a bunch of shit waaaay before everyone else. The reason he can't chain grab everyone to death on FD anymore because he doesn't practice as much and people have learned how to shine out or slight DI

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>>26173636
Of course not, I am beta and an autist.

I didn't use the situation to compliment her, but there was one she mentioned that I disliked because she was stupid (she was very attractive though), and she proceeded to spend every conversation telling me that I liked said girl.

We never spoke of my attraction to her desu.

M2K is normie as fuck compared to some niggas on here.

Nigga probably slays asian poon now.

>>26173143
kek, how did you avoid getting expelled over that?

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i just had a flashback to this and i want to die

>be me in high school (bongland)
>probably around 13
>be a smart precocious kid
>also a socially awkward aspie
>get into this special writing workshop with other kids
>it's a bunch of cute girls and then me
>we get a prompt to write something 'about the future' and they give us 30 minutes to pop something out
>after 30 minutes we start reading out ours one by one
>the girls all go first
>every one of their short stories is something about going into a time machine to the future and having a romance or dr who style adventure
>start to realize i fucked up bad
>"Anon don't you want to read yours?"
>uh no thanks miss
>"Come on, I read yours over your shoulder, it was really good you should share it! :^)"
>fuck uhhhhh
>ahem
>"IN THE 21ST CENTURY HUMANKIND LIVES IN POST SCARCITY FEAR, POLLUTION BLOTTING THE SKIES FROM THE SUSTENANCE PRODUCTION FACTORIES AND THEIR BIOCHEMICAL ALGEA. NATIONS ENGAGE IN AN ETERNAL TUG OF WAR OVER THE IRRADIATED RESOURCE STOCKPILES IN THE ARABIAN PENINSULA-
>...
>bell rings
>stop reading
>everybody looks at me in silence
>...
>"Okay then that's enough for today, time to leave you all did good today :^)"

fuck

>>26174202
>>"IN THE 21ST CENTURY HUMANKIND LIVES IN POST SCARCITY FEAR, POLLUTION BLOTTING THE SKIES FROM THE SUSTENANCE PRODUCTION FACTORIES AND THEIR BIOCHEMICAL ALGEA. NATIONS ENGAGE IN AN ETERNAL TUG OF WAR OVER THE IRRADIATED RESOURCE STOCKPILES IN THE ARABIAN PENINSULA-
Fuck them, that sounds legitimately interesting and way better than anything they could think of.

>>26168548
>>26168987
He means that Cynthia bullshit. Although it hardly counts because he was talking to other women at the same time, as well.

>>26169623
Some pretty nice lats :^)

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>>26174277
I guess but I had to read it to a room of qt's and oneitis ;c

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>be 14 young man
>cousin's cottage at sipoo
>cousins 14 and 16, both grills. both very friendly and beautiful
>spend a day talking about nice things, picking mushrooms etc
>give a good impression of youself (probably?) >in the evening, sauna
>being naked is natural, mixed sauna
>penis already turns in to a light standby mode from the thought of being naked with cousins (not erection but noticeably bigger)
>take a proper sauna, go drink naked and back to sauna
>exchange suggestive looks and smiles with cousins but nobody's saying anything yet
>my and my cousin's parents have had enough of the heat and they go get some wine and light the barbecue
>me and my two astounding cousins are naked side by side
>at this point hardening control failed and my shween started to imply that my cousins were 5/5
>I was embarrassed and tried to hide it
>cousins giggled a little but said that it doesn't matter, they start to introduce their own anatomical peculiarities
>"do you want to touch my boobs"
>susanna seal of approval and move hand towards boobs
>"but can I touch your penis?'
>fsst tough situation. don't know what to answer
>suddenly your dad appears in sauna
>"it's an emergency, cousin girls, get the fuck out of here"
>cousins exit and father shits semi consistent tarts on the heater
>bends you to lie on your stomach
>I'll shit on your back now, son"
>okay dad
>shit ejects on your back
>dad rubs it against your back and asks "you like it son, you like it?'
>"honestly not very much, no"
>"me neither, I thought you'd like it"
>never talk about shit-episode with father again

>>26174340
If it makes you feel any better, the vast, vast majority of teenage girls have shit taste in everything, if not every single one of them. They were too stupid to appreciate your story Anon.

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>>26168959
Oh my god I was drinking milk

>>26169623

Jesus Christ.

I've seen the previous picture before but, not the latter.

Complete and utter degeneracy.

There's a reason the patriarchy existed for millenia. -_-

BAKA

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>>26169623
Fucking hell... I just woke up. Way to start a new month.

>>26174380
damn you ruined it

>>26164420
Dude, you HAVE to finish explaining once you say "I'll have to take you out back."
Nice 420 get, btw.

>high as fuck in class
>finally ends so i pack up my shit to head back to my car
>put on shades to hide my red eyes
>start walking down hallway
>two hot staceys are approaching from the other direction
>stacey1's tits are hanging out
>i can stare right at them and she'll ever know
>literally stare at them as i walk past her, but without turning my head
>as they pass me, stacey1 looks right at me
>as i continue down the hallway, i hear her say "did you see him just staring at my tits that whole time?"
>mfw i forgot they were really light shades
>mfw i just creepily stared at this girl's tits

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>>26175102
holy shit anon that's funny as fuck here have some hentai

>>26175267
thanks. i have many more sperg stories if theres interest

>early 2000's age 11
>at the cinema
>need to go piss
>open washroom door
>there's an older kid at the stall
>his pants are all the way down with his asscheeks out
>in my head i am like wtf is happening but i just give a blank shocked stare
>he turns his head and says "what" in a very nonchalant voice
>literally "feelsgoodman.jpg"
>360 degrees and walk away
>waited until i got home to piss

i don't know why i still think about it, it's not that messed up but i was sincerely shook, who the fuck pulls their pants all the way down to pee?

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>2008
>on ecstasy for first time at an EDM concert in manhattan
>a lot of people are wearing rave gear and costumes
>im rolling extremely hard
>sweaty as fuck, strung out looking teenager with huge pupils
>really rich dude with his 10/10 gf walk into the club
>i walk up to them and say WOW YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL to them
>they smile at first, but then
>ARE YOU GUYS REALLY RICH, OR JUST IN COSTUME?
>they both cringe and walk away in disgust
>mfw i remember its offensive to ask people if they are pretending to be rich

>>26168889
wow what a fucking bitch she was.

We haven't got the shooting up shcools meme in italy because of obvious reasons but we have the suicide meme.

>>26174202
>>26174277
i would totally read that. sucks it might have come across as too edgy

>>26175534
that's hilarious not cringe

>>26175314
>360 degrees

So you walked towards him? Kinda gay...

Not really cringe but stoner cuck reminded me
>senior year
>was around the time those codeine brownies were popular
>ate two on weekend
>high entire week
>pretty low profile just staring in the distance brain dead
>no one onto me
>Thursday comes around
>teacher asks me a question
>stare blankly at her for a good 10 minutes before it registers she said anything

>>26168245
Foobar. My nigger.

>>26175887
Actually I remember a cringe story
>graduation day
>sitting in line
>make a joke, don't remember what it was, don't remember what it was but everyone laughed
>sitting in chair
>next to the person who was next to me in line
>lean over and retell joke
>says he was there when I told it originally
>oh
>sit quietly until ceremony is over

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>>26173143
If the girl was informed, that story probably spread far and wide, anon.

>>26168889
She was a fucking cunt for saying that but
>probably
i probably would became friends with you if you said that back

>>26168889
reminds me of a story
>11th grade 2007
>there was a kid in class who barely came to school
>was smart
>was ugly as fuck
>was black
>had a friend who later fucked him over
>never talks to anyone
>people called him the beast behind his back and smiled when they said it
>he was on my bus
>one day P.E class took longer than school cause the manlet coach was trying his hardest to impress a Chinese mom
>me and the beast are waiting for our parents to pick us up
>I pullout a game boy color with pokemon yellow
>Beast approaches
>"cool you play pokemon, do you use cheats?"
>we ensue in conversation for half an hour and his mom picks him up
>next day
>go to class
>get approached by stacy and her bitch friend sara
>sara says me and the beast were talking yesterday
>stacy asks me what we talked about
>don't want to say pokemon cause i was too self aware
>guns, we play call of duty
>girls never heard of COD
>gossip for a week i never heard anything of
>get called to principles office with sara
>"anon, i understand you're friends with (beasts real name)"
>never heard it before
>no
>does he want to join the army?
>does he want to shoot the school?
>he's a smart boy and i'm proud of him, but I don't want him to do something stupid.
>tell them i don't understand
>sara says that he is planning to shoot the school
>ask is it about when they asked me what we talked about
>"yes"
>tell her we were really talking about pokemon, i just didn't want to say
>principle bursts into laughter, can't stop himself
>sara leading the witch hunt starts to cry
>sara and stacy forced to apologize for beast
>beast is too awkward and tells them they don't have to
>beast never talked to me again

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>>26173502
>God literally keeping normies from fucking

>>26164420
mew2king is more successful than you will ever be

>>26168076
He has actual autism, unlike the losers on this board who will never accomplish as much as he has.

Also look at that hoverhand. total alpha.

Not social in the conventional sense (i.e wasn't a party or gathering) but...

>be 10 years old
>last day of 5th grade
>mom picks me up from school
>we walk to bus stop (no car at the time)
>she surprises me with a trip to the movies
>bus arrives, she puts in money, asks for two 24 hour passes
>hands one to me
>we sit down
>get to second bus stop
>wait about 20 minutes for next bus to arrive
>she gets on and does something i can't see
>she moves to go sit down
>i can't figure out what to do with my bus pass, never used one before
>staring at the spot where you put in money/swipe pass like an idiot
>other passengers and bus driver staring at me
>starting to feel panicky
>starting to feel like i might cry
>look at my mom with a frustrated/exasperated look on my face
>she smiles at me and takes my bus pass and shows me how to swipe it
>we both go and sit down
>i calm down a bit
>went to a downtown movie theater and saw Like Mike

I miss my Mom.

>>26164420
>>26164420
Should have offered to take her out back and blow her :^)

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>>26175534
>>26175102
cont.

>about 12 years old
>at summer camp
>have a crush on this one counselor, Kate
>shes cute, likes same music as me, always talks to me
>one day at camp, we are playing tennis
>shes sitting in a folding chair by the net, reffing
>i pull up a chair and start talking to her about music
>this one chad who always messed with me grab the back of my chair and started to flip it over
>i panicked and grabbed the nearest thing i could to stop my fall
>accidentally squeezed the fuck out of her tit
>OWWWW ANON JUST GRABBED MY BOOB
>chad laughed and pointed at me
>everyone stared at me like i was a rapist
>mfw

>>26164420
That was a painful read OP. I'm sorry that happened. You're like a horse, you can't talk to girls.

>>26176085
>touching boob at 12
Alpha

>>26176048
that story's actually kind of cute. it's a relief from the genuine autism in this thread

>>26172732
You assumed she was young? So saying you like his sister so young she has no teeth sucking your cock is better than her being older and knocking her teeth out on an ATV?

>>26176048
You'r mum seems nice.

>>26175314
Kids just did that at that age. I remember tons of kids showing their bare ass at urinals and thinking "nigga, fucks wrong with you?"

>>26176284
Drew?

This comment is original

>live in japan
>out with five japanese people
>walk past a busker
>want to seem cool by giving money, but too cheap to give a decent amount
>drop in 3 yen, about 3 cents, then keep walking
>hear the busker ask his friend (in japanese of course) 'how much did he give you?'
>'haha 3 yen'
>tfw I pretended not to understand them
>tfw the five japanese people heard them but stayed silent and pretend not to hear
>tfw i spent work with these people

>>26164420
>11 years old
>school trip to camp in woods
>don't shit for 4 days due to fear of insects crawling up my anus
>bus ride back to city
>everyone asleep
>painful stomach cramps
>can't tell anyone I really need to go
>do a huge, dry, hard, almost odourless, poo in pants
>got a way with it
>drop it out the window
>20 minutes later, pull into rest area
>man banging on coach door
>my poo hit his car on motorway
>nobody knows it was me
>but they knew it was me
>persistent rumour about my shit flinging follows me for years to come

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>>26164420
How has no one posted smash in this thread yet? that's fucking m2k

>>26173045
>The supposed two weeks without shitting was the first real "okay, this didn't happen"
This was me in 6-7th grade
Did not shit for two weeks for periods back to back

>>26176284
Thanks, she was. She passed away about two years ago now. She was always doing cool shit like that. Picking me up early from school, letting me skip and taking me to the mall. She was great. I think she knew I didn't have any real friends when I was younger so she did cool things like that to make me feel better. This isn't cringe in the slightest but I'll always remember it as my favorite "cool mom" story.

>be in 5th grade
>intercom crackles
>"Mrs. Gomez can you send anon to the office please his mother is here to pick him up for the day"
>grinning ear to ear, feeling bad ass
>walk out of classroom and go down to the office
>mom is there with my uncle
>she just got her tax return so she picked me up early
>has my uncle drive us to walmart
>during the ride i don't notice but she slips something in my jacket pocket
>as we enter the store i immediately drag us to the video game area
>looking at all the stuff i want behind the glass but can't get
>my mom smiles at me and tells me to look in my pocket
>she slipped $150 in my pocket
>im fucking speechless
>tells me to start picking what i want
>smiling at me the whole time while im picking out stuff
>ended up getting a gameboy pocket and pokemon blue version (my first pokemon game)
>best day ever

I'm actually getting really sad typing this out. I miss the old days.

>>26176085
>>26175534
>>26175102
my life cont.

>17 year old beta virgin
>meet a cute girl through a friend
>shes a year younger than me
>she doesnt go to my hs, doesnt know they all hate me
>we start talking every day over AIM
>randomly one day on AIM she asks me if i am virgin
>i say yes reluctantly
>she says she wants to be my first
>try to contain my excitement
>always have managed to fuck things like this up in the past
>she asks where i want to do it
>neither of our houses are an option, too young so parents would have interfered
>she wants to do it in my car
>i decide we should do it in the bushes at this public park we hang out at sometimes
>she says no, we should definitely just do it in the car
>i insist on the park, i still dont know why
>she gives in and says yes
>flash forward to friday night
>i pick her up from her house and we drive to the park
>theres people in the park like there always is
>we go into the bushes and start kissing
>put down a beach towel i had brought and start getting undressed awkwardly
>i lay down on the towel and she starts sucking my dick
>have trouble getting hard because were in a public fucking park and theres people around
>as shes sucking my dick literally two different people walk in on us
>i start to feel guilty shes getting caught giving head in public, but its my first time
>i have to push on and lose my virginity while i have the chance
>eventually i get hard enough and put on a condom
>she gets on top and starts riding me
>people walk in on us again
>i can barely stay hard, getting anxiety
>realize i fucked up and we should have just done it in the car
>realize im not going to cum
>pull out and get dressed
>drive her back home
>never saw her again
>didnt actually have sex until 2 years later

>>26176167
Not sure how it's cute since it was just me freaking out because I couldn't figure out how to work the stupid bus pass slot thing but alright. I'll always remember this story because of how stupid and silly and awkward I felt. This was about 14 years ago now.

>>26176420
Get the fuck out normie
This comment is original

This is just one of the 100's of cringes I've had in my life:

>get marketing job at local company a few years ago
>it's me and like 6 women working in an office all day
>we all go out for a meal for our Christmas party to some fancy restaurant
>it's me, the alpha boss/owner and all the grills
>everyone's chatting and having a good time
>one of the grills says "let's play a game. If you could could pick one celeb to get with who would it be?"
>all the grills says the typical shit like Brad Pitt etc
>the circle gets to me
>start to panic
>why didn't I think of one while everyone was saying theirs??
>blurt out "Alexis Texas"
>realize what I've done
>"who is Alexis Texas anon?"
>p-porn star
>look around the table and notice every grill has an awkward look on their face
>fall in to a bottomless pit of spaghetti and try to leave my body
>end up getting really drunk and insulting people
>leave early and have to email everyone on monday to say sorry

I was only there for a few months, ended up going off the deep end on mdma and flew to Tenerife without notice (booked a flight in town and went next day) and sent my boss a txt saying "going to Tenerife and don't know what I'm coming back". Needless to say they fired me.

>arab
>parents move to USA
>put me in school
>can't speak for shit
>school puts me in the "special turtles"
>basically i get pulled out of Maths and English
>and get to draw or do simple math
>was really good at math
>1 year later i can talk english and watch cartoons in english and it's all good in the hood
>still in special turtles
>parents change my school and i get thrown in a public school
>little brother is smarter than me
>years later, he goes to that private school
>yesterday i go pick him up
>he is in the 9th grade
>tell him i was in that school
>tell him i was on team special turtles when i was in 5th and 6th grade with a bit of pride cause I was being pulled out for special lessons
>he laughs his ass off
>"dude that's for autistic kids and down syndrome"
>start to remember others on my team
>2 were downies
>1 only talked to his tamaguchi
>girl always drueling
>me and teacher only solving maths or drawing
>teacher told me i am the smartest special kid
>and the girl was the most special special kid
>you're not like every one else anon
>you're very special too

jesus fucking christ, I am a virgin normie, my life is a lie?

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>>26169397
>end up forcing Italian familys into poverty by over inflating the worth of pasta.
>tfw Italy's economic system completely shaterd as there main export is now worthless
Fucking keked, nice one lad

>>26176409
beautiful story, anon. sorry for your loss.

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>>26174380
>dat ending
Umm...

>>26176621
I really don't say this often, but you just need to die.

>>26176621
>1 only talked to his tamaguchi

kek

>>26172645
Yeah fuck this shit. This little manlet at my school always mad mum jokes, then you'd just lazily turn it around because who has time to think of a witty comeback for a manlet, and he would say "I never knew my mum" and it would just be fucking awkward and you'd just walk away and he wouldn't be able to catch up because he's a manlet and his legs can't move that fast.

>>26168520
What kind of person doesn't just take a letter? Honestly, I don't care who comes up to me, if they've got a letter for me I'm going to read that cunt.

>>26172915
>end of school
>signing shirts
>really nice tall hot girl
>ask her to sing my shirt
>sign hers while she's doing mine
>get it back
>she wrote a heartfelt message about how she enjoyed getting to know me over the past 6 years
>also drew a cute picture of a dragon
>i wrote "Why did the bicycle fall down? It was two-tired" because we told some puns to each other once
>wrote nothing else
>didn't even sign my name
>still think about it every few weeks

Fuck everything, we should all learn in individual pods where we can't interact with other people and ruin our lives.

>>26174202
ahh shit m8
i had similiar experience
we had to write about our dreamschool or some shit like that
it was back in 2007 just after S.T.A.L.K.E.R came out
most kids wrote some shit like Harry Poter school n shit
mfw I wrote about camp prepering for life in the Zone
wth detailed instructions on firearms, mutants and anomalies
I didnt realized how autistic it was untill i turned it in already
I was sweating with spaghetti sauce entire week

Not my cringey moment but a friends
>english class
>talking about the concept of subjective reality
>teacher going around the room asking for everyone's thoughts on the subject
>guy goes to say that he has no proof that the holocaust actually happened
>teacher cuts him off and says "excuse me?"
>whole class quiet
>he burries his face in his hands
>class erupts
>kid gets worse grades in English for the rest of the year

Pretty funny desu because the holohoax didn't happen

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>>26176335
Fuck, bad experiences with buskers.
>in london
>walk past busker in the underground
>sounds pretty funky
>give him the change in my pocket
>unwittingly dropped him a 2 pence coin
>he stops playing
>calls me over
>"is that all?"
>think he's joking around, awkwardly laugh
>"it's not fucking funny mate, I sit here busking all day and all you give me is 2 fucking p?"
>shitting pants at this point
>"s-sorry I didn't mean to"
>dig into my wallet for more money, give him a 50p coin
>"go on, more"
>even my pants are shitting themselves
>end up giving him like 2-3 quid
>"thanks, now fuck off"
>run the fuck away, leaving a trail of shit and spaghetti in my wake
>mfw robbed on the tube in front of hundreds of people

In hindsight, it's my fault for being a spineless little shit and not telling him to do one

>>26178277
I've seen a similar situation in university
>professor wants people to question everything
>someone mentions the lolohoax
>suddenly that's not allowed

What the fuck. If the holocaust actually happened then people would be free to question it and look for evidence.

>>26168889
Should've said, and you'll be the first to die.

>>26170353
lose some weight

fauiohfuioahiofhaiohifasf fuckfuckfufagagagi

>>26173373

something similar happened to me

>>be in 7th-8th grade
>>some bullies and girls start asking me which girl i like the most in my class
>>i try to avoid and not answer
>>they keep pushing
>>fuck they are not going to leave me alone before i answer
>>there is no winning move - if i say i don't like any girl i'll be called a fag, if i pick one then i'm going to be teased about it and the girl will probably say something like "eww creep"
>>give up and give a name and also a detailed explanation about my fav. I tell that she has the best boobs for her body-type and i like her feminine dressing style and natural hair color
>>i was hoping to make other girls feel insecure with my comments
>>i also got the expected "eww creep" replies

>>26178240
I second this.
Original post

>>26177878
It wasn't oc.

>>26168889
God. Damn. Hilarious.

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>be me
>be freshman year
>just transferred schools, so nobody knows what to make of me
>This was it! I could finally be a normie.
>get asked out various times by girls at my school
>too much of an autist to say yes
>at one point the hottest girl in school starts a conversation
>"It's a real shame I have nobody to go to winter ball with... Hey anon, are you planning to go?"
> make up the excuse that I don't have a date so there's no reason
>"Why don't you go with me?"
>"I-I think I have something to do that night."
> "O-ok..."
> Two weeks later she's dating Tyrone
> People start to notice that I'm a nerd/weeb and avoid me
> tfw I had my shot at being normal
>tfw that one event haunts me six years later
I have been visiting for a few years, but this is my first post. So, if anything sucks, I'm sorry for being a newfag.

>>26179736
>posting with an unrelated weebshit picture

Fuck off

>>26179938
How about you fuck off, he clearly belongs here.

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>>26179938
Have a (you) pal. It's on the house.

>>26164420
> Be NEET after graduating high school
> Spend all day in my chair fapping, playing WoW, and shitposting
> 3 years later; finally forced to get a job
> Go to interview at local mattress store that was hiring
> So used to sitting in my chair all day and not interacting with other humans
> Grip the arm of the chair in the office and loudly fart
> Let out an "--ahhh" exhale right after
> Get kicked out of the store after the manager repeatedly screams "You think this is some kind of joke?"

>>26179128
Still hadn't seen it, though

>>26179985
>get asked out various times by girls at my school
>even by the hottest girl in his school
no he doesn't

>>26179985
He belongs on /a/

Also he got asked out by the hottest girl in school, so he's handsome. This board is for eggmen only.

>>26176352
Nice fake story.

>>26180210
>implying eggman is a robot

Join army
Quiet, nerdy soldier. Suck at interacting with people. Army humour is brutal and everyone insults each other. There's no malice in it though and I want to join in.
Female soldier says her uniform is too small for her. Think I'm being hilarious when I blurt out "you could lose weight"
She looks really upset. Everyone stares at me. Awkward as fuck.

One of many autism moments
>be me in chemistry lecture class last semester
>guy sits next to me, have an occasional conversation with a few laughs, let's call him J
>first exam coming up
>proceed as normal
>class is offering multiple study hall sessions in preparation for the exam
>go there
>J is there
>say what's up and sit in my seat
>due to small classroom size, we have the option to merge with another chemistry study hall in a different classroom
>the guy from my lecture is talking to one of his friends he most likely met from his lab class
>study hall session begins, there's tutors all around
>they move to the other classroom
>I'm alone in the class
>activateautismomode.png
>go into the other classroom to find them
>open seats in their table
>I don't even say anything, I just sit in one of the seats and don't say a word
>they continue their conversation as normal, not even phased by it
>ohshitniggerifuckedupbad
>I still sit there silently and pull out my class work
>I try to build conversation without even introducing myself to J's friend
>awkward as fuck, I get ignored after a minute
>eventually a grill comes up and talks to J
>Grill complains about not having a seat
>maybe it's my cue to dismiss myself and be smooth by letting her have my seat and I just leave the entire study hall session
>I don't do it
>they all move to another table and I'm alone
>move to the other classroom quietly and quickly after pretending to look busy
>sitting in classroom awkwardly
>leave after 5 minutes
>mfw in lecture the next day J sits in a completely different spot

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>be 13 year old
>in school in bongistan
>every winter we have a period where we have to do 'social dance' everyone has to pair up with the opposite sex
>I usually try and get the sperg or quiet grills in the class to be my dance partner
>ohfug too late
>only grill available is oneitis, she's gorgeous but me being the autist I am I can barely look her in the eye
>hands start getting REALLY sweaty, like fucking dripping
>we hold hands and start to dance when the teacher puts the music on
>she visibly grimaces when she feels my sweaty palms
>the torture lasts for a few minutes, I'm sweating all over now and my brain has just tried to wander off to a happy place cantwakeup.jpg
>it stops, she says nothing but smiles at me cutely
>as far as I'm aware she never told anyone about it


>7 years on I'm still a kv awkward autist
>she has a modelling contract, chad bf and typical queen bee lifestyle
>I still stalk her fb page

>>26164986
Now it's just negging. If only it could get more awkward than it already is.

>>26173346
how are people so retarded

>>26168410
What a stuck up bitch

>go with a friend for a walk
>apparently he wants to meet in a cafe with our ex schoolmate, she's a girl
>he brought another girl who I don't know
>they talk for straight two hours about some random shit
>sit, bored out of living hell, trying to escape to my imaginary world, literally not saying anything
>after 5 years I suddenly realized it was supposed to hook me up with her since she mentioned she don't have a boyfriend
>the feeling of boredom back there still gives me nightmares

>>26173346
That sounds like I would behave in this situation, I really don't feel anything emotional when some hugs me or touches, only some sort of intrusion to my autistic world.

>>26179938
I agree with you man don't listen to these weebs

>>26178240
Fuck. Reminds of something I wanted to forget, in fact I haven't thought about it in years.

>9th grade, end of the year
>teacher gives us all a paper and makes us tape it to our backs
>we all walk around the classroom writing nice things to each
>well, they do anyways
>autistic me just stood around awkwardly not approaching anyone
>some come to me, write things, I write back generic things on theirs like "have a good summer" etc
>finally it's all over, felt like hours and my cringey angst is at it's peak
>feel itchy, sweaty, self conscious and my legs hurt
>muh teenage psyche
>everyone takes there's off, reads them, all socialize for the last few minutes before dismissal
>some qt wrote a long message on mine
>didn't care, just wanted to get home and forget about all this
>crumple up paper and throw it away before leaving
>realize literally everyone saw me do it since I was the first to exit
I don't know. For some reason it hurts remembering this.

Here's one for you, I'll cut it really short.

>Be basically 25 year old autism
>5" dick
>Finally loosing virginity to party girl slut
>Having sex from behind
>She's silent
>I'm silent
>Boner is starting to fail
>Oh shit fuck
>Panic.exe is running
>Try to say something hot
>"Yeah babe, long dick style."
>She slams her head into the bed
>Can hear her snickering into the sheets
>Awkwardly pat, pat, pat away until I finish and she says she'll see me around

At least I'm not a virgin anymore... I guess?

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>>26169623
Fucking. Disgusting
PS: This comment is unoriginal

>>26173935

well I didn't steal anything for one, and I did help them find out about one potential security issue (unlocked bathroom window), and I pleaded really hard to the principal and managed to squeezed out a few ml of tears

but I think the biggest reason is probably that it was a relatively victimeless misconduct and people have been caught doing it before

>>26175954

for some reason that didn't happen, just to make sure that it wasn't something that everyone beside me knows, I asked a few friends in her circle during the after-prom while they were all shit-faced if the girl mentioned anything about some creep going through her stuff because I thought I saw someone the other day and didn't tell her, they all respond with some variation of negatives

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>>26176048
this reminds me of my first day in music school
>you had to pass a certain musical test to get in
>the teacher there was a small chubby old lady all in black with a strict look on her face, never smiled, kinda scary
>i passed the test and next week I had to go to my first lesson
>walk up the stairs in this white dim lightning
>anxious and scared expecting the evil looking teacher
>I see a person on the top of the stairs smiling and looking at me
>"Hiiii anon, I'll be your teacher, Kathie!!!"
>a cute 19-year old blonde girl who just started teaching music
>mfw I'm her age now
Time flies
pic related is how i felt

>Be me,14 years, freshman
>Total cuck at that point
>On bus with qt gf
>Bus stops
>scarynigger.jpg
>nigger smells fear thru shark nostrils
>apparently tried to rob gf earlier
>thinks she snitched to police
>Be worried
>sits down next to me
>This ur girl?
>manage to whimper sure
>scary nigger thinks I want to fite
>want to run for life
>heartrate faster than midget on a jackhammer
>demands to see my phone
>silence.webm
>gross hands reach into pockets
>frozen with fear
>takes phone, earbuds
>gf looks disgusted
>don't do shit
>he gets off next stop
>feel traumatized
>go home and feel like little bitch
>realize bus has security cameras
>cry self to sleep

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>Last year
>Big family party, whole branches of family that I've never met before
>One of them is in Chemo for Lung cancer
>It's a recurring joke within immediate family that when they're coughing or sneezing loudly, we're told to "die quietly"
>Cancerous family member starts coughing
>I immediately say "hey could you die quietly please" and laugh.
>Silence
>realize what I just said, tried to explain the joke obviously failing horribly
>Walk out to the nearest garage and buy a pack of smokes and smoke them all in an hours time
I can still see their faces, burned into my mind.

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>>26182577
nice m8

is your gf nigger onahole now

>>26182647
Gym and little bitch training fixed me

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>>26168889
I never understood this
>people think someone is a school shooter
>they deliberately avoid him
Why avoid him? Why not try and be nice to him? If your suspicions were right you might get tipped off the day before and if you were wrong then you were a nice human bean

>A few years back
>In class, sitting next to girl I don't know
>She says something to her friend like "You're not my best friend" or some shit like that
>I say "So what"
>She and her friends laugh

>>26182669
good to hear man, I would never give away my phone, it has a bunch of illegal shit in it, the mugger can get into trouble for it

>>26182620
wtf was that reaction, you wanna get lung cancer yourself?

>>26182739
I needed something to calm me down, and buying vodka at 1pm and chugging it would have been the bad choice.

>>26182683
ask supreme gentleman's roommate

>>26182768
ah, okay

it's pretty stupid, but everyone probable knows that you didn't mean it

>>26182721
that's okay, you should follow up with something bold

>>26182793
Maybe. All I know is that I wasn't on the Christmas card this year kek.

>>26164420
>be me
>sitting in class.
>was assigned a seat next to my crush and some other hot girl.
>was a quite shy guy.
>they both talk to me everyday.
>one day they both ask me if I was gay.
>blert out "What? gay no I'm not."
>suden realization that they were hitting on me in a very roundabout way and I was too stupid to notice it.

>>26182839
does it bother you?

>>26182873
I still don't know what the appropriate reaction would be in order to get that P.

>>26174380
>>26178045
>>26174930
Its a translated copypasta. The original is very popular on finnish imageboards. The part with the father barging in and shitting on the narrator's back is often used like bel-air and "everybody walk the dinosaur"

>>26164420
I got one, it actually happened a few hours ago
>be me
>coming home after I taking gf home
>have to take the subway
>it's packed
>4 swagfaggots enter the subway
>in my country, if you see a group of swagfags, they might mug you
>bettergetmyknife.jpeg
>put knife into left sleeve
>after a while, two of them come sit next to me
Now, please note that the seats next to me were actually the only ones available in the whole subway, but, of course, I didn't realize this at the time
>they were actually not that threatening, they were talking and acting normal
>my stop comes
>I get up
>they move so I can pass (I was next to the window)
>"well, that was actually pretty nice" I thought
>"Thanks" I said, trying to sound nice
>start moving
>THE
>FUCKING
>KNIFE
>DROPS
>ON
>THE
>FLOOR
>areyoufuckingserious.png
>pick it up
>they go "daaamn bro"
>start sweating like an autist
>try to look cool and confident
>inside I'm flipping the fuck out
>go home and nothing happens
Actually feel cucked for some reason...
And I feel bad cause maybe they were just nice dudes

>>26182897
A bit, but only because it's just me being purposefully excluded. Feels like highschool again

>>26164420
Dude, I had to turn away from the monitor. That was fucking horrible. I'm sorry you went through it, senpai.

>>26182952
have you been cucked before, how do you know the feeling?

Anyway, they will probably forget about you in 3 hours and the event will only be brought up if they need a story to tell

>>26180384
That's why I haven't joined, I know I won't fit in. As much as I hate school, and I'm just scraping by at it, and don't know if I can get a job anywhere else afterward, I don't want to join the military because I know I won't fit in. Kissless virginfag, don't know how to banter, swishy mannerisms, probably a latent homo, and unintentionally arrogant and offensive in casual conversation. Even when I was twelve my ex-paratrooper dad told me never to join up because they'd eat me alive. It's looking it might have to be an option right now though, or at least the Guard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLJE0-Wu0sw

>>26182952
I'm afraid you don't understand what "cuck" means, anon...

>>26175887
>codeine brownies
What the fuck are you talking about? You mean those legal brownies that have vague relaxation chemicals in them, or did some retards you know actually bake codeine into brownies? How stupid are you? Because as things stand, I'm pretty impressed.

>>26182967
if you wanna apologize, write them a letter, be sincere and tell them you have had problems expressing yourself due to embarrassment, and explain yourself

they may still not put you on the christmas card tho

>>26183073
I don't know, dude
Maybe cause I feel like my "plan" had been discovered and, if they wanted to mug me, it'd be easier for them, cause they knew about the knife.
>>26183080 read^

>be me
>leave apartment
honestly I could continue but I think you get the point of the story

>>26183076

good news! gay guys have easier time getting laid than their non-gay counterpart

plus you don't feel insulted when someone calls you a fag

>>26183113
how is having a knife in sleeve a plan? nobody got hurt or robbed that went well

>"hey katie, wanna go out for a movie?"
>"why?"
it's been 3 years. i never replied. neither did i interact with her even since.

>>26183223
tell her so that you can make a move on her

>>26168889
that's not cringe faggot

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>be me in HS
>SAT tests
>Fat librarian who smells like cat piss
>just try hold my breath
>needair.jpg
>Cant hold anymore get air very loud
>Whole class turns around
>Didnt go to library because of that anymore

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It's not cringe worthy but it kind of fits the thread

>highschool
>couple of eastern europe bitches in my class
>they are ugly and annoying yet for some weird reason all the guys are crazy about them
>they treat everyone like shit, see the boys as personal slaves
>boys are okay with it
>I hate them, don't play along with their bullshit
>never smile to them, never talk to them, fuck 'em
>one day during class, teacher makes us play riddles
>one says a riddle other try to guess etc..
>russian bitch's turn
>Says something like "Who is grumpiest most bitter guy around ? and why is his name anon?"
>people laugh
>I stare at her
>"riddle me this ....."
>"If your mom worked longer as a cheapass prostitute in that rundown brothel and had more clients than you .... how the fuck come only you could escape that 3rd world shithole where your dad raped on a daily basis, and she still has to suck cocks there ?"
>everyone is silent
>teacher is in shock, but doesn't say anything
>a couple of guys start laughing
>bitch is in shock
>i hear some grils whispering "that was awesome"
>smile at her for the first time

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>>26183275
you really should have tried to make him aware of this issue anonymously

>>26183354
that's pretty personal to be honest, assume it did happened, is it how you'd like it to turn out?

>be me
>at table with friends in high school
>its lunch, we're all talking and joking around
>someone poses a hypothetical situation in which another person at table would just be hanging out at hospital
>other person says "why would they be hanging out at a hospital"
>i jokingly say "maybe their dad died or something"
>everyone stares at me
>i remember that the person's dad died two years ago
>immediately apologizes profusely for being autistic
>friend tries to laugh it off but leaves table
>awkward

>5 years old at school
>get in trouble for something
>"anon, go wait in the sick room and don't come out until I say so!"
>really need to shit
>teacher said not to come out though
>compromise
>take a shit in the lost property box
>wipe my ass with someone's shell suit

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>be me like 13 or so
>be in Pre-Algebra
>teacher is a nice, pretty, single woman
>one day, class is ahead so we all just talk
> she ends up telling us why she's alone
>her fiancee was super emotionally abusive
>she's trying hard not to cry
>feel really bad for her, try to lighten the mood
>say I saw my brother watching a soap opera with the same theme as a goof
>no one laughed
>wanted to die
>mfw

>Message girl who hung out with me out of pity in elementary school because I needed her advice on something.
>Avoid mentioning gender as some bizarre form of assurance that I'm not doing the usual thing autists do in this situation, IE: Hitting on her. She plays along and gives me the info I asked for.
>Do basic catch up.
>Accidentally sperg out.
>She stops responding.
>Run into her in person shortly after for the first time in years.
>Quietly spurt out an apology for sperging out.
>She looks annoyed.
>I delete my Kikebook account shortly after.

That fuck up has bothered me every day since.

>>26184266
How did you sperg out?
How did you apologise?
Why was she butthurt?

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Recent fuck-up
>working as a carer
>take a young disabled guy out to a nightclub
>Every time he wants to use the disabled bathroom it's full of Stacys and Tracys who stay in there for 15 minutes doing chick stuff
>One time a Stacy is about to walk into the disabled bathroom just when I'm about to open it for my guy
>Put my foot in front of the door
>Standoff.exe
>'Why don't you just hobble upstairs?' [to the normie bathrooms]
>MFW she does
>MFW she has a false leg
>Apologise to her profusely until she goes from mad to okay then just starts laughing and walks away
>MFW still feel like I need to apologise

>>26176382

I doubt you'd be able to willingly shit all of that at once like it's no big deal as the story claims, because otherwise you'd be having regular bowel movements.

It's just not realistic imo for one to jump through the hoops necessary to hold their shit in for two entire weeks, then jump through even more hoops to be able to shit it all out on the spot at school in front of everyone; it just doesn't make sense.

>>26178295
The fuck is a busker

>>26185525
You know, if you played that right that would have been a good opening for getting laid.

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>>26168889
>high school
>no one talks to me ever
>bitchy teacher: anon where was X born?
>Y?
>why yes. [Classmate] disagrees tough
>[classmate]: uuuh ye si uuh he was born in Z
>correct.
class over he just rushes at me
>H-hey anon what a bitch [teacher] is uh? I mean [other classmate] just asked me if it was right and i shaked my head lol i didn't say anything
>mfw

>4th grade, time for the bus
>get on, no seats cause I'm the last stop
>only open seat is next to a 6th grader named RJ
>RJ was a pretty intimidating dude, started school a year late and got held back a year but played football
>basically the scariest dude in school
>weigh my options awkwardly and sit down next to him
>he taps me on the shoulder and says "what are you doing?"
>I say "sitting in a seat" totally ignorant of the fact that I fucked up and stare forward
>he laughs and goes back to facing front


After we got off it was like I was a hero or some shit but that lasted all of two weeks

>>26178295
Should have told him to fuck off

>>26185741
I think it's a British pastry

>>26185953
Wtf are u trying to say here?

>>26185953
>That whole post
You need to try again son.

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>>26185953
>mfw reading this story

>>26185953
Is this a pasta? It tastes like pasta

>>26185953
we got a stone cold whodunnit

>>26185953
please elaborate on this. please, PLEASE elaborate

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>working McD's drive through
>give girl back her change
>our hands accidentally make contact
>she recoils like she's injured
>"omg your hands are freezing"
>clutched her cross necklace and drives away
>it all falls into place
>my pale skin
>my tired eyes
>my aloof demeaner
>my inadvertent sneaking up on people
>my ability to make people uncomfortable by existing
>mfw I realize I'm a member of the accursed undead

If anyone of you want to put a stake through my heart and end my suffering that would be cool.

>>26172897
kek, story of my life

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>>26178295
you should've put all your coins in your fist and then cracked him in his jaw

>>26185953
wat? who is talking the last sentence?

>>26185953
What the hell is going on in this clusterfuck of a story

>>26178240
I have a similar story
>end of middle school
>I'm moving next year
>have a huge crush on an Asian guy
>he talks to me about anime and stuff
>not really friends though
>signing yearbooks
>I'm too shy to write anything special or make some web reference or draw anything
>just write my name
>get my yearbook back
>check it later and he actually wrote a long message

>>26185953
>image + post decode to active CP link
MOOOODSS

>>26175995
in order to make yourself not a target?
that might just put you right in front of the gun imo

>>26173589
I haven't experienced something like that yet but I just have this feeling that I will react the same way

cringe isn't real you faggots, this is just spotlight effect, look it up

>At a party with coworker I was in to
>Friend of hers from out of town is there
>She is attractive, sure. She was also freely talking about casual sex earlier, so no prudishness there.
>Somehow after I got a bit drunk I ended up going into the toilet when she is there
>She is totally okay with this, we just talk
>Straight after that she announces something like "So I guess you are the one I'm going home with tonight huh?"
>I have no real interest in her since my oneitis is there, but at the same time I'm is so weak willed that I usually just go along with whatever people around me are telling me.
>I just say "okay"
>Later we go out to a bar
>We get there, huge amount of people, I buy a beer.
>First thing happens she kinda takes my hand and leads me to the dancefloor
>I look at her while holding my beer. Decide it is in the way so I put it down on the floor by the wall.
>So I'm like what now.
>Starts kinda imperceptibly wagging my head and/or body back and forth.
>She just leaves.
>See her walk past me one time after, eyes straight ahead, looking really uncomfortable
>I never talked to any of the people I came there with again that night
>Started feeling sick and walked home.

>Sitting in Russian class
>Teacher asks what our favourite comedy movie is
>Have a jew in the class
>Look at him and think Schindlers list
>Didnt think, accidently said it out loud
>Everybody looks at me in disgust
The edge was real.

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>>26179736
>two weeks later she's dating tyrone

your austism allowed her to date a nigger, kill yourself desu

>>26173045
You're completely autistic. No, of course there's no way he didn't shit for two weeks, and even if he hadn't, how would anon have known that? It was clearly hyperbole for the sake of describing how bad it looked/smelled/whatever.

>Was in HS
>The slut of the class and I were flirting woth a bit of teasing
>She calls me an ugly and unlovable (as a joke)
>I say "yeah and you're adopted" (as a joke)
>I failed to realise she is in fact adopted and her parents died shortly after her birth.

>>26179736
God, I fucking hate you so much right now.

>>26187963
Gay or girl?

Original comment.

>>26168889
Based as fuck response. Wish I was there.

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>>26169397
Fucking kek m8

>>26179736
This is happened to me so much. Even in college

>>26172732
You should have pretended to know own about the accident, better than implying pedophilia

>>26175006
>"I-I have to take you out back... and shoot you."
You're right.

>>26174202
Sounds fucking awesome tbqh senpai. They were probably just stupid shots mocking you for having a brain.

>>26173045
Actually IRL I had a kid jacking off in multiple classes never get caught.

>>26182942
the set up sounds super foreign

>>26182147
Fucking hell, guy you replied to here, they made us do that in out final English class.

>everyone writes their name on a piece of paper
>everyone passes the paper to their left
>write something nice about the person on the paper
>fold the paper over your message
>pass it left
>want to write nice things to the qts
>friend sitting next to me is reading all my messages and making fun of me
>just write stupid pointless shit like "you're nice" or "you're smart"
>get my paper back
>lots of messages saying I'm smart, funny and nice
>realise these are pointless platitudes
>get feels and keep the paper forever anyway

Just fuck it all. Fuck it all so much.

<be in grade ten
<in the basement with my girl
<her friend calls and asks if she can come by to smoke some
<say yeah sure
<horny as fuck, start getting into it with gf
<five mins later I hear commotions upstairs but I'm about to cum so I think I'm safe
< pull out, don't have time to clean up
<move girl out of the way and cum on the pillow she was laying on
<I can hear her friend coming down the steps
<heart racing, flip pillow over
<gf pulls up pants, I go to washroom to pull mine up
<friend walks in chatting away
<hear her sit on futon
<walk out play it cool
<she flips pillow over and puts the pillow behind her head , spunk all in her hair now, her face just disgusted
<no words

>>26194235
Normie go home!

>>26185953
10/10 pics

-3/10 green text, kill yourself anon

>>26176287

I used to do that, did it once in front of a cleaning lady and afterwards the teacher gave a little talk ti class about not doing it, but i knew it was for me. Was about six at the time.

>>26173502
>>26176011
not God's work, just an autistic faggot in his natural habitat (a dry pussy-less habitat)

>>26164420
>sophomore year of hs
>new student still learning English
>ask a friend if I can get a date
>he tells me he will set it up and he gives me a time and place
>well I meet up with her at the park to get pictures
>fuckinghellkillme.jpg
>400 pound hamplanet with zits covering her entire body
>she tells me we are going to some restraunt
>get there and we sit down
>angry polack with ugly as fuck date
>visibly angry and people avoid talking to me through dinner
>we order and shit then I just eat in a fucking pissed off state
>doesn't offer to pay even though she's never met me
>Pay
>waiter drops a note on the table
>I feel sorry for you good luck tonight
>he passes by and I say thanks and he looks at me confused
>some random guy
>I look around like an autistic fuck
continue?

>>26194235
<nice try newfriend

>>26194821
Sure. Surprised at how long this thread survived.

>Be freshman in college
>Hang out with people, try to be normie
>Cute girl from down the hall knocks on my door
>Been trying to flirt with her the last few days
>"Hey anon do you want to watch <movie> with me?"
>No, I have to wake up early for class tomorrow, plus I already saw that movie

This happened four years ago and I still regret it to this day.

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>go to best buy to buy earbuds and AUX cable
>AUX cable is 20 bucks(it's like 3 feet long)
>cashier girl gives it to me for free
>I just say "thank you" and leave

>>26180128
Haha im fokin laughin m8 thanks for that. Fart jokes always get me