>be in school >suddenly hear shots >can't get out

*teleports behind gun kid*

Looks like I get the first shot...

-shcwing-

*cuts kid's head with one sweep of my blade*

Don't disturb my classtime, scum...

*spits on body*

>>26116150

10/10 faux alpha cirnge

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>>26116097
Call him a big guy.

>>26116097

I go into a full-force tackle on the gunman, because I'm a teacher, and I fucking love my students to death.

A KHV like me ain't gonna ever get any closer to being a father.

I'd be okay with going out like that if it meant I could preserve at least one of my student's lives.

Maybe I'd get a wing of the building named after me, since I'm already the head of a CTE department.

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*backflip out of chair*

*send 3 throwing stars through his skull during flip*

looks like schools out

*tip fedora*

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>>26116097
Give the gunman a quick morphine injection, just enough to give him a heart attack. And claim he had heart problems in a post-mortem

>>26116097
i tickle his neckbeard until he giggles himself into submission

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Throw myself in front of him. I fantasize about getting shot by someone random pretty regularly.

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>>26116097
i hope you're behind a proxy anon.

schools are gun free zones this shit would never happen

Take my pocket knife out of my bag and charge the gunman
It doesn't matter if he gets some shots in cuz
>lol only 9mm it okey
Stab the nigga in the neck or kidneys
get away wit murder

>>26116097
Asks him if he has a spare gun I was the only one who talked to him we were in history class together he hesitates but we're friends I say we can do this together remove the normies from the school as he gives me a gun I say I just have to tie my shoelace go ahead buddy as he turns his back I shoot him in the back of the head I get instant normie status for saving the chads and stacies.

>part hair
>tap forehead
>ask him to please shoot indicated area

>>26116266
It's for my book, 'How I survived a school shooting and learned to bully'

What'd you think the debut was? :^)

this is why i always sit by an open window, rather fall and break a leg than get shot

>>26116150
unlikely - status: dead

>>26116174
you live

>>26116207
shot in the balls and kneecaps - survided

>>26116236
molested later that day

>>26116239
unlikely - first one to beg

>>26116245
shot in the gut - bleed out mr orange style

>>26116284
first one to get it

>>26116337
gun has no bullet - make you strip infront all and shoot you in the spine - dead

>>26116341
save you for last so you can witness the glory

>>26116363
unlucky, broke spine, ended up paralyzed - died later by neglect

>>26116097
Throw my desk at him.

>>26116097
>REEEEEEEEEE as loud as possible with the hope that gunman is from r9k
>Get shot

>>26116097
pull out my gun from backpack then join the beta uprising

>>26116457

>shot in the balls and kneecaps

Bitch, I'm not going out that easy. I teach engineering classes. I keep a rubber mallet on my desk to separate wood blocks. That nigger's gonna either waste all his fucking ammo on me, or he's gonna get nutshotted himself.

Tell him to beat the highscore.

>>26116506
>force a student of yours to finish you off at gunpoint
>make a point of zero tolerance for bullshit by killing the ones who refuse

sorry bro, you die like a bitch

>>26116457

You sound like a fag and talk like a retard. Try not to accidentally swallow the gun on your way in, you massive autistic.

>>26116541

>two doors in the classroom
>obese man in the way

They run out the exit on the opposite side that leads to the firedoor.

He won't be able to get a shot past my ham.

Cucked :^)

>>26116097
tell him I'm a virgin

>>26116572
you cant talk you got ded son, or molested. is that why youre upset?

>>26116626

I haven't been in highschool for eight years, so there's zero chance I'm going to run into a little edgelord like you.

Make sure to leave your tendies to me in your will.

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>>26116097
Well if it's one of us, I believe we already agreed on the code phrase "ITTY BITTY BABY ITTY BITTY BOAT" as a way of letting them know we're of their kind and to not shoot us and/or that if the have a spare gun we're willing to help out.

Of course, if they're not from here then shouting that at them will make your final words some of the most retarded things you could have ever said. Still, if you're going to get shot in a school shooting what's it matter?

>>26116646
>in his late 20s
>still on 4chan
>still on r9k

HAHAHAHAH

Shit, you got it worse than if you'd gotten shot man, sorry. Maybe that suicide you're postsponing wil help.

>>26116150
10/10

>>26116097
the obvious best way to counter this is to live in a society where shooting up your classmates in school isnt a social norm , which i do so i dont have to worry about this shit .

but if this shit happens and you know he's shooting people (not just a hostage taker or something) either run away , hide or charge at him \ throw shit at him whichever is faster to do at that moment .

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>grab crush seductively and hide her behind my back
>she yells in disgust and pushes me away
>everyone laughs
>even the gunman
>he is distracted enough that Chad can choke him and knock him out
>all the girls wet their panties
>he grabs my crush and starts fucking her on the teacher's desk as everyone claps

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Present my robot badge, obviously.

That's only if I'm in any danger of this happening, which I'm not because I don't live in a third world country.

Its gotten to the point where school shootings are normal
> scream "normies leave! REEEEEE"

Being completely honest here, I would try to get on the ground as quickly as possible, preferably behind an overturned desk or something, then lie completely still and pray that he's too stupid or hopped up on adrenaline to check or double-tap all of the bodies.

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I say something stupid like chicken tendies chicken tendies xD LMAO, watch as you sit there and tip your fedora, and then

>pshhhh nothen personnel, Kid

Alternatively, I purposely give you the wrong directions and watch as police either confiscate your weapons and arrest you, or kill you on sight.

You're kinda retarded for mentioning this here. You do know the previous 4chan owner did use comments and posts like these as evidence in a court case, right?

LET ME HELP YOU KILL THESE FAGGOTS!!

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>>26116699
breddy gud if i may say so myself

Simple really,
Use the other classmates as human shields.

>>26116831
internet serious buisness, amirite?

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>after hearing a gunshots, pull out knife and wait by the door
>when gunman walks into class, stab him
>be hero for saving poeople
>nobilitated to normie by thankful chads and stacies
>grab gun from autist's cold dead hands and shoot them

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>>26116865
Considering asswipes here have called university campuses and gotten students expelled for "warning or threatening demeanor" from a twitter or facebook screencap, yes, yes I do.

>You would be a fool to take anything posted here as fiction

I know, I know. But there were reps from news sites making threads on here a day or so after some shootings after some kissless virgin asspie couldn't handle being made fun of for liking my little pony

>"We are the same brother"

>>26116973
>land of the free

feel sorry for you burger

>>26116097
>get up slow
>keep my head and arms low like a brooding manga protagonist
>flash step inches from your face

>I kis u.

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>>26117018
Here's what would actually happen

>Gunman walks in
>Having no sense of social cues, understanding of other people, or having the common sense to even talk to a stranger, you do nothing
>Since you're standing there, waiting as you realize you have nothing to live for you panic and beg for mercy as he loads a clip into his revolver
>You mumble some stupid shit about your waifu
>You lifelessly fall to the ground with a bullet in your head, the resulting stench of nothing but tendies, cum-stained shirts and piss bottles makes the gunman re-evaluate his life and kill himself

I simply give in for I am a robot who is a slave.

Robots do not have emotions therefore I do not fear death but welcome it.

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>>26117070
Say what you want, it actually happened.
There were cops monitoring this board specifically like crazy.

They're even looking for threads, JUST LIKE THESE, and taking preventative measures, even if it's fake, which it most likely is.

>Implying anyone here has the nerve to do something like a school shooting when they don't even have the balls to talk to a girl in public.

>sneak up behind him
>snatch gun
>"nothing personelle, child"
>put gun in my mouth and pull the trigger
>blow brains all over chad and stacy

Kill confirmed motherducker

desu senpai in reality if someone started shooting the place up I'd play dead and hope for the best

"IM A VIRGIN!!! SHOOT THE NORMIES OVER THERE!!!!"

hopefully he is a bro

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>>26117226

>anything will happen

ok, lel

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>Gunman walks in
>Drop and cower
>Considering how autistic >>26116457 is, I assume he'll make me strip
>He's watching me undress, and he sees that I'm uncut
>He stops everything he's doing and goes on some fuckhuge rant about circumcision
>Pull some pepper spray out of my backpack, temporarily blind the fucker and get the fuck out

>>26117335
who the fuck brings peppers spray to school

>implying you have any
>you need a lincense to buy a buterknife these days

you'd likely just sperg out and get shot anyway

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>>26116097
Rally my fellow normies and have them rush the gunman.

Theirs 45 of us in class, and his automatic assault rifle with its collapsing stock only has 30 rounds in the clip. Plus he's using no scope, so he will probably miss a few shows.

Since we have more people than bullets, statistically we will beat the gunman, because proper gun legislation has ensured that no more than 30 bullets can be a in a clip, which means that the average American classroom can overwhelm a gunman, even if he gets every shot out of his clip.

>>26117149
Here's what would actually happen
> anon would start stumbling over his words, n-no s-senpai
> gunman would hesitate, anon would start sweating, dark patches spreading over his MLP onesie he wears everyday
> gunman would smell the scent of a robot, and tear open anon's bag
> piss jars tumble out, smashing against the floor, mixing with weeks old tendies
> anons hard drive, decorated with MLP smashes to bits, and he screams something about a pepe collection
> gunman recognizes anon as a fellow idiot, and hands him a gun
> anon drops the gun, it goes off and hits gunman, gunman dies, anon transcends into alpha hood until interaction with another human being
> anon, you saved us! The girls scream
> t-thanks, y-you too

>>26117411
that will never happen, 100 percent guarenteed

Throw something heavy at you and rush you. I'm sure everyone else would join in the rush when they see your staggering.

A lot of shootings have ended because the little autistic motherfucker got cornered and rushed.

Give him the robot signal just in case so he'll know to spare me.

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>>26117412
Fucking christ.
10/10 post.

I normally hate tripfags, but you're alright in my book.

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>>26117411
Sure, that is how a human mind works in high stress situations.

>>26117455
plausible, however unlikely. in a situation like that pretty much everyone becomes a pussy, no one wants to fucking die.

>>26117149
>loads a clip into his revolver

>>26116150
Either 10/10 or autism/10

Good post tho

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>>26117455
>throw something heavy
>rush the gunman
>you're the only one who rushes him
>get gunned down while everyone else either cowers in fear or try to make a run for the exit

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>>26117549
hello /k/

>mfw this thread and all the autism about getting in trouble for posting

>>26117574
It's really not that implausible, especially if the gunman had a rifle. Pistol, yeah, I'd probably get gunned down if I were the only one.

Besides, wouldn't we all have time to plan a defense strategy?

I live in the south. My shop teachers kept guns somewhere in the building. Nobody cared if you carried a pocket knife. I can't think of a class I was in while I was in school that wouldn't have rushed him.

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>>26116097
My memes will save me.

>>26117412
>look at all the r9k memes I posted guys!

>>26117472
What's the robot signal?

>>26117675
Narrator: [Talking slowly] And this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you.

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>>26117634
>all the autism.

There were fake threads here for weeks last year after representatives from news casts came here to ask why nobody tried to stop the shooter when they were making plans here only to get responses like "It was funny, lol" or "those normies fucking deserved it"

I'm not saying it was particularly important, but it is somewhere in the archives.

>>26116737
Must be Scotland or Wales then shitekicker :^)

>>26117720
You seem alright, don't go out tomorrow.

>>26117708
You can either:

>Tip your fedora
>Scream Reeeeeeeeee
>Have an anime opening ring tone
>Say something about manlets
>Say something along the lines of "Kill me anyways, I was circumcised, I don't get any pleasure out of life"
>Put on your fingerless gloves
>Start doing naruto hand signals
>Start quoting that faggot Elliot Rogers

>>26117708
the babylon-hate nod

>>26117715
I'd just rush him when that gun jammed then. I guess I was wrong to assume the gunman would be well-armed.

>>26117803
>

you'd cower and cry like anyone else

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>>26117850
So would you.

The thing is, they'd be cowering in public, and you're cowering at home on your computer.

>>26117850
>cower
>gas operated Armalite AR-10

Pick one

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I yell "I'm a virgin" and hope he realizes I'm a robot.

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>>26117932
aren't we all? dingus
>>26117949
HOTHEAD

>>26116097
I'd just rush him. I probably wouldn't be able to overpower him or take his weapon and use it against him, but I don't give a shit if I'd probably fatally wounded, at least people would give a shit about me when I die.

>>26117973
What if he asked to see your boipussy? Would you comply?

I would let him know that he is pretty good before effortlessly disarming him.

>>26118024
I'd ask him to be gentle...

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>>26117973
>>26118024
>>26118059
>mfw you degenerates always manage to turn any thread into some gay shit about boipusci

>>26117574
If you make the first charge, people will likely follow you. Scared people who don't know what to do usually just follow what other people are doing. Have you ever watched a brawl start on Liveleak? It usually starts with one group backing away, and then joining in the brawl when their first friend charges in to fight.

>>26118078
>ive seen it on tv
>thus it must be true

stupid man is stupid

Chuck shit at him while he is dodging charge the fucker and disarm him

>>26118059
He should realize you're a brobot and leave you alone. Just get ready to be interviewed for surviving the "tragedy" that got rid of many Chads and Stacys.

>>26118100
> This guy doesn't know the difference between scripted television and Liveleak

>>26117149
>he loads a clip into his revolver
>clip
>into
>his
>revolver
>CLIP
>REVOLVER
Now THIS is shitposting.

>>26118100
It's literally happened with other school shootings.

>>26118069
Nothing wrong with being gaybot.

>>26118127
That's right... Might just be better to die then and there

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>>26117999
Nah, I'm not.
I have enough common sense to not let some random people on a website shape my world views. I tend to, ya know go outside and figure that stuff out on my own.

Nice trips, you dumb frogposter

>>26118142
>he doesnt know liveleak is owned by jews in the uk

top kek familia

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>DON"T SHOOT ME I"M NOT A NORMIE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>jump out window

>>26118186
>i go outside
>come on r9k to bitch

sure seems like youve made it

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>>26118186
keep this alive while i make a shake, then we'll shitpost some more

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>>26118160
>>26117549
Just when I thought this thread couldn't get any better.

>>26118174
You can deny interviews. Or just stay at home like I would.
Don't die pls

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>>26118225
>I respond to bait
>Not only that but I miss the point entirely.

Holy fuck, what happened to the quality of this board?

Just yell "IM A ROBOT IM A ROBOT TOO" until he gets it. He might make another riddle or test to see if I'm a true robot, and then i'll be safe

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>>26118247
How should I do that, senpai?

I'm thinking cropped porn.

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>>26118308
face it, im all that you have. this shitpost is the highpoint of your day. you come here to get this because you need it, its what gets you through the shit you wade through.

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>>26118257
I have an extensive collection of loli pantsu I bought at rummage sales, not to mention all my loli hentai. I'd rather die than to go to prison as a pedo.

>>26116097
Push people I don't like into the gunman and hightail it out of there

ignore him completely
doodle or work on something

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>>26118360
>The measely 10 minutes I spend here are the highlight of my day.

Nope. You couldn't be farther from the truth.

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>>26118078
oh yeah like those groups of people who riled together on those planes that hit the world trade center right?

there's like a 10% chance that someone will go full fucking BANZAI and rush the gunman with you, but 9 out of 10 times they'll just watch in fear. the smart people will use your death as a distraction and try to make a run for a door or window.

>>26118174
absolutely filthy

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>Varshalla brother
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>26118412
2nd highpoint after finding your new favorite doujin then.

but do tell the hight point of your day anon

>>26118361
You'd be fine. I don't think they'd look into your life or anything.

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>>26118160
I'm laughing out of my ears

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>>26118502
>new doujin.

Alright, you caught me there.

But I've been looking into other hobbies as of late.
Shitposting just happens to be a pastime.

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>>26118568
i think this could be a start of a beautiful friendship

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>>26118601
Sure thing, senpai.
Sure thing.

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>>26118601
How can you go from THIS to THAT

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>>26118647
ALLIMONY
L
L
I
M
O
N
Y

>>26118647
KEK MY LIFE INTO PIECES

THIS IS MY LAST PAYCHECK

ALIMONY, BANK PAYMENTS

DONT GIVE A FUCK IF MY BLANCE IS SHIT

>>26118682
>>26118682
cuck MY LIFE INTO PIECES
THIS IS MY LAST DIVORCE

SEPARATION, NO PRENUP
DONT EVEN CARE IF YOU FUCK MY SHIT UP

Lol come on this is a retarded impossible scenario

Schools are gun-free zones. Guns can't enter the premises. Thank you based liberals!

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>>26118682
>>26118763
>>26118671

most excellent senpai~

>>26116337
they will try to normy you up, but then stop inviting you to parties after a while

>>26116097
>going to school
normies baka senpai desu

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Have fun, OP! Enjoy your van

>Be you
>Decide to ""beta uprising may may" your school
>Hide gun in bag.
>Alright it is lunch time
>You stand up on the table holding your gun and say whilst crying

"d-dis is whatchu get f-for bullying"

>You lift the gun and aim it at chad
>Batu uprizen r-rite now
>Shoot yourself
>normies will pretend they are sorry for you
>you will die a meme

>>26118923
thanks my book will need all the promo it can get

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>>26118923
>school sooting

>>26119004
That's some top notch photo shopping

>>26119004
giggled

eight outta ten senpai

>>26118923
>filling out the fbi jew with all your personal details
>be overseas and your laws cant touch me

stupid fatass

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>>26118861
Excellent quality shitposting desu.

hope he shoots me first because i don't have the balls to do it myself and maybe i can go out as a hero or something

>>26116097
if i knew the gunman was about to enter i would smear blood on me and play dead desu

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I take out my CCW and shoot them
I don't give a shit if it's illegal I do it anyways

>>26119198
but where did you get the blood from?

>>26119208
you take that to school? typical american

FRUIT UP

suck him off

>>26116097
>insticts kick in
>being on the schools ultimate frisby team helps me as I whip a binder at his face
>while he is stunned I pick up my desk like a riot shield and rush him, crushing him into the wall
>don't kill him because I could probably sympathize with him on some level

>>26119259
>walk up to him
>get shot

Good try idiot

>>26119271
>trow binder
>doesn't go straight because it's not a frisby
>get shot

>>26119159
its a art

>>26119300
A binder is the right shape that you could accurately hit something with it within 15-30 ft.

>>26119243
No, I take a handgun, Mr Mohammed

>>26119280
>taking it seriously
m8

>>26119346
i could hit your moms cunt from 30ft

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I ask him if I can help in the beta uprising
I either get shot or I get to shoot people, win-win

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>>26119300
Type of binder I'm talking about btw

Pic related

>>26119377
Dubs confirm

>>26119404
that thing screams "bully me the one who owns me"

like fo real u homo

>>26116097
Step 1) grab fat dyke in front of me
Step 2) use her as a meatshield and push towards the gunman
Step 3) ???
Step 4) PROFIT!!!!

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nobody's going to believe me but here goes

>attending lecture, large room with lots of students
>skinny Mexican kid in a hoodie walks through the door
>the teacher looks at him and says "you're late"
>BANG
>teacher's dead, kid's got a revolver in his hands
>I'm in the very back of the class, in the corner
>the kid is just standing there, nobody has moved or said anything yet
>I put my fist up and yell "woohoooooo!"
>kid fires four more shots into the mass of students
>some students try to run, others hit the deck but I just remain totally still
>2 students got hit and 1 died, then the kid shot himself in the head

>>26116097
briefly consider trying to charge him then sit there passively and hope he kills me.

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>lower my headnand just try to not stick out
>wait till he inevitably starts singling out and focusing on one individual to terrorize
>grab nearest empty desk as fast as i can and fucking chuck it at him..
>run over to over to him
>take the gun

>unzip dick
>die with a smile on my face