What's your most recent fuck-up? It can be something small

Fell asleep for four hours in the middle of the day, stood up an old friend I was supposed to catch up with, and damaged a good friendship.

I fucked my cousin and now I'm panicking

>>25871011
why? How old are you?

I made my parents proud, and they don't deserve it.

>>25871121
Is it crawling?

Forgot boiling kettle on the stove and all the water evaporated. Fuck water.

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Got kicked out by my parents. I am now at the library on my phone with no money.

>>25871597
Damn, mind to tell us?

I jokingly told my parents about how I hear disembodied voices at night and figures and now they made me appointment with a psychiatrist

i havent slept for 6 weeks

Got a hernia from litting

>>25870980
Placed a coal block in a wrong place while trying to build a car in minecraft

Chafed my penis really badly and couldn't fap for like a week due to the pain.

It was horrible. I think its the longest i've gone without fapping in a decade.

Currently fucking up university for the second time. Dad told me 'I'm sure this will be the making of you son' before I went. Passed everything so far but I'm unemployed and I pissed away my savings getting drunk every night. I've got 18 months left of a 3 year course and I feel like I've learned nothing. A big part of this course was structured self-improvement and reflection and I haven't done any of that, I'm still at the same stage I was when I started. Fucking hate myself but I know I'd do the same thing if I was to do it again.

>>25871633
Oh shit. They're gonna fuck you up with pills.

>>25870980
I didn't make it known I wasn't okay with my mother taking %30+ percent of my pay to spend on drugs.

>>25871597
Holy shit is he taking off his lips? This whole time I thought pepe was holding a chili pepper.

>>25871793
you're an idiot desu senpai

>>25871011
Rock star. I would fuck my cousin if I had a 1% chance lol. I put my dick on her hair once when she was sleeping, I was so close to putting it in her mouth

>>25871793
Amazing, the diversity of perception. I once thought an image of a breyer's icecream tub dumped in the seat of a car was a pirate's face winking.

Weird how shit can seem when you look at it a few times.

>girl over for first date
>worked meticulously for several weeks to make it happen
>no chance in hell, but I still make it somehow
>this is serious, I love this one
>she is finally here
>everything goes fine, really feeling the vibe
>then, for some unfathomable reason I call her by anothers girls name
>not once
>not twice
>but three times in a row
>actually two different names even
>whatthefuckiswrongwithme
>mfw the reacts by laughing her ass off with me instead of walking out on me
>still feel terrible anyway

>>25870980
Last night I jumped out of the drivers seat of a moving car at 18 mph because my friend said I wouldn't and I busted ass hard. Now I'm at my physical labor job and I can barely move my right leg but I'm powering through it

>>25871633
I hallucinate wildly at night for 2 years but I sleep perfectly. Voices only come when I'm getting sleep paralysis which never happens

>>25870980
I'm starting to get comfortable with being lazy and fat. Fuck winter weather, as soon as it's spring I'm biking every day and being constructive.

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>>25871843
>saw my cousin the other day for the first time in ages
>she's 19 but has hardly aged, petite as hell
>wearing those fucking tight as shit yoga pants
>caught a quick glimpse of her ass
>nearly popped a semi
Jesus have mercy on me.

I forgot to wipe my ass yesterday.

>>25871774
Stop getting cucked she's not worth it

>>25871613
>failed college
>didn't tell them
>still pretended to attend
>they found out
>went apeshit
>packed my shit and left

Probably gonna find a job and rent a barn or a shack or something.

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Forgot to bring the receipt when returning a pair of jeans and I got store credit instead of a full refund.

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>>25871901
I hate myself more than them.
And I don't really want to hate her, I shouldn't right? It isn't the correct way of things right? Or is that just normalfag diatribe that the mother character is a paragon incapable of harboring ill wishes for.

if I escape her and the rest of them I won't have to hate them so much. I jsut have to escepat.

>>25870980
I misplaced a line of code and spent like half an hour wondering why my program wasn't working.

I had
>}
>c++;
>}
>}

it should've been
>}
>}
>c++;
>}

>>25871925
well... good luck, I guess. Just don't sell drugs.

>>25871978
Paragon nothing, I hate me mum. I would be a perfect chad right now if it wasn't for her

>drunk
>2 am
>at the top of my building with a friend
>we decide to climb to the highest part of the roof
>left some things down so I climb down to get them
>the ventilation thing we were using to climb wasn't as stable as I thought
>it bents quickly and sends me flying like a canonball
>manage to land on an arm
>don't remember if I screamed or not
>I was drunk so I forgot about it after a while
>next day my arm hurts like hell
I can't go outside like this. I considered going to the hospital but I'd rather hide it. I wanted to go outside and do things these days but I had to cancel plans because of my arm. I just hope I didn't scream cause if someone heard it they might report it to the administration and close the roof again, which is the best place I have to be alone and comfy.

>go to pub with a hot girl
>first girl I went out with
>forget my wallet
>she had to pay
>hasn't responded to me since

>>25872123
Hope you die from falling next time you go up there, cunt.

>>25872123
Post picture of roof

>Leader of a group of misfit friends
>Pushed each member to do better for themselves
>Helped two get jobs, and got the other two in some really good hidden menu college programs due to my connections with the staff members at UNI
>Respected somehow, even amongst their parents who call me a good influence, despite being a 21 KHV
>We all decided to get a house together this summer to develop Independence, instead of soaking up our parent's living space
>Black sheep of the group has gotten into routine of ignoring everyone
>Literally takes weeks to get a yes or no answer from him, and he does nothing all day
>After months of organizing, I manage to catch him off guard and sat him down chris hansen style to talk about his behavior
>Thought maybe he was just going through something
>Says hes been rethinking things, and thinks he can do better than us
>Remind him that we're people too, and that doesn't excuse him one bit
>Says to get over it
>Tell'em hes being an idiot, and that he just ruined a good friendship over his ego
>He goes back and tries to get the group to side with him
>But they know his history and how hes full of shit, so they take my lead and cut contact with him
>To this day he sits in his house doing nothing, heard he gained weight, and he went back with his ex who cucked him again
>Messages friends once in awhile to organize to hang out with me, but they blow him off

I feel bad, but he brought it upon himself.

>>25872199
Text her "I thought you were a strong independent woman, and that you wanted to prove it by paying on our first date"

>>25870980
Haven't been going as hard at my job as I should. I'm cheating myself and my girlfriend out of 6 figures pretty much. Feels really fucking bad, but I'm about to get to it right now

>>25872275
>holding a grudge
You're the cunt here.

Misplay in hearthstone xD

>>25872302

>Go on for almost a year of acting like a total cunt and avoiding members of our group over some inflated ego you have of doing better than us, yet I'm the problem

Sure.

I got called for juror duty, looked at when I had to show up two months from then, then sat it aside. Then flipped it over a week ago and found out I had a questionnaire to fill out and it was due 7 days after getting the letter and the penalty is the same as not showing up to the court before it even happened.

I did really bad on my exam today. I feel awful, and it's giving me lots of stress.

>>25872333
You said in your original post he's been trying to get back with the group. Sounds like he wants to make amends, but you're all being cunts because of your own egos.
Your own egos have told since he was egotistic enough to think he's better that you are actually better.
Stop being an egotistical grudge holding cunt.

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friend's gf keeps flirting me with me and giving me signs and i never make a move and just get pissed off and avoid her.
I really should just try and fuck her so i know for sure if i can drop all contacts with her or not.

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I told my ex I wanted to marry her knowing that she would say no.

>>25872423
He can work it out himself. If he wanted to make amends and accept his fuck up, he could always just come over here and apologize in person. We literally live down the road from another. I won't accept the friendship to be mended through current means because hes trying to go the non directional route and trying to organize another friend to set up a "coincidental" play date.

>>25872470
How about you tell your friend she's a lying slut. When they inevitably break up, you get the sloppy seconds AND you get to keep your friend. Everybody wins.

>two years ago i was driving home from friend's house mother's day
>had a seizure while driving
>went to yale then two other rehab places
>now i go to rehab two times a week and a personal trainer

>>25870980

Got a B+ in art history which is like a 3.0 and I need to maintain 3.7+ if I want to get into law school. Fuck that class so much, fuck having to take 6 fine arts credits, in fact fuck art in general.

getting an online gf. i knew it would be nice while it lasted but she's turning into a complete cunt and i'm sick of being the good guy
when do i dump?

I put in the batter before spraying the pan.

>>25871496
The air in your house could probably use the additional moisture. Think of it as an unintentional humidifier.

>>25871597
Report back on how that goes, man. Take care of yourself. Hope you've got someone you can reach out to.

>>25872275

enjoy your gay little cult

>>25873095
>Hope you've got someone you can reach out to.

Yeah, I have no friends. It feels like I'm in the twilight zone, on the one hand completely free, on the other I'm fucked. Unless I find a thrifty way to get out of this mess.

>helping family move stuff to our new place
>we pushed it off to the last minute, so everyone is angry, annoyed and stressed
>keep asking if anyone needs any help and all they do is act like I'm a cunt for asking
>older brother with anger issues breaks a little dresser I've had since I was born on purpose by throwing it out of the moving truck
>they won't tell me what they want me to do and expect me to read their minds. When I put something in the truck, they tell me to "take that fucking garbage out of there"
>finally get to new place
>home alone, rest of family went back to get more stuff
>beyond stressed and miserable, can't bare to be sober for another second
>friend comes over and we smoke pot in the bathroom with the fan on
>i get crossfaded
>family smells the pot because the air freshener ran out
>yell at me as I lay in my bed puking
I hate my family

>>25873190
Why so rude anon?

>>25873075
how is she a cunt?

>>25873016
Fuck the law you pussy ass law bitch

>>25872333
Remember you're on r9k, people will always side with the loser

>>25873364

Why so butthurt that one of your acolytes wised up and left?

>>25873594
Not him actually. I'm jealous of his close group of friends of anything.

>>25873075
If you really care about her, tough that shit out. If not do it now.

>employed at chinese food place
>chink boss is making me mop the floor
>leaves a bag of powder on the counter
>thought it was detergent
>scrub the floor with it
>few minutes later
>entire kitchen fills with weird smelling gas
>evacuate
>calls fire department
>gets restaurant closed down

Still no idea why he did that.

I CAN'T SHUT MY FUCKING FEELINGS UP.
I WANT TO STOP FEELING SO FUCKING ALONE.
I WANT TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING ALONE.

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>Finally get a job interview
>It has literally been 3 years since my last one
>This job interview is at a small coffee shop within walking distance to my house
>interview starts
>First question is why have you been unemployed for 4 years
>I say 'because I-I-I drank too much coffee and stayed up for the last 4 years'
>they actually laugh
>get encouraged
>for some reason forget it is an interview
>start to do a fucking stand up routine for some reason
>'I-ve had so much c-coffee that I tried to work at a theatre as an Insomniactress!'
>start mimicking a tired actress performing in a movie
>don't even do a good job of it
>just close my eyes then pretend I woke up sharply and say 'OH SHIT SORRY I FELL ASLEEP AND FORGOT IT WAS A SEX SCENE' then flash my cleavage to the interviewer
>they don't laugh
>decide they are just trying to avoid making noise
>keep making coffee jokes
>'w-when I was filling in my work experience I remembered I take my resume black!'
>supposed to mean with nothing added but forget to mention it
>they quickly wrap the interview up
>don't get the job

JUST WANT A JOB. FUCK. I AM SICK OF LIVING WITH MY BROTHER AND BEING A BURDEN TO HIM AND HIS WIFE.

I bought a bag of nachos and some "Smoky Texas Barbecue" dip. Is that supposed to be so disgustingly sweet?

>>25870980
Didn't submit the SAQ for Cambridge

>>25874356
Whoever wrote this, you are awesome.

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My wife's son bought a pitbull and I didn't say anything because I'm afraid of the dog.

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I've been having casual sex with my neighbors wife while he's at work. Almost got caught the other day too an had to hide in their closet while he came home for lunch. Note that I'm 5'4" and this dude is well over 6 foot. I don't know what she sees in me but that pussy is fucking bomb so I probably ain't gonna stop til I get caught and my ass beat to death.

I dropped a majority of my classes after my pell grant went through and I might be in shit with the feds

>>25874596
>my wife's son
wew lad

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>>25874704
Nice going anon.

>>25874805
I honest to god don't know what she sees in me she's a solid 8/10. I donno if shes ultra bored being a housewife or what but she found out I was NEET and was like "hey lets hang out" and in reality that means hang out for 2 days then pounce on me and fuck me from then on.

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>>25874704
how is that fucking up you dolt

>>25874968
Maybe you're attractive?

Is her bf Chad?

>>25874968
1. you have a lot of free time
2. you probably are horny and used to your hand so you fuck her like your life depends on it
3. maybe she thinks cheating is hot
4. she enjoys cucking in secret
5. she has some weird neet-fetish stuff
6. maybe you fit her archetype of "homely cute" or some weird shit like that
7. her husband doesnt fuck her (well) enough

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>see professor in obscure department who studies obscure thing I study
>get super excited and email him asking if I can meet with him and talk about it
>he offers to do a custom course with me instead
>get all excited and rush out to figure out how to do this
>come back and email him the custom course files
>no reply for 3 weeks
>go back to obscure department
>there is a mechanism for doing what he said
>he expected me to know this
>when I didn't, his reaction was to ignore me and all my earnest enthusiasm in disgust
>tfw whenever you put your real self on the line in normieland, it ends in humiliation every single time

Every time, forever.

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I haven't done anything bad lately outside of living.
My life has been one perpetual fuck up.

>>25875166
What was the mechanism?

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i went to subway

and

and

i forgot to get sub sauce on it

now its dry

and i dont feel like eating it now

but icant just throw it away it was like 10bucks

help

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>>25875382
get out out out out out OUT

t. roast beef recipe

>>25875474

i just unwrapped it, and dumped it in the garbage so i wouldnt be tempted to take it out and eat it. ive thrown stuff in the garbage and ate it afterwards;

i just stuck some friedfish things in the oven.

plsanon i made a mistake not getting sauce

>>25875382
>>25875637
What the hell? Put on some of your own mayonaise or mustard. Don't throw it away.

>>25875712
i wanted subsauce.

i dont want fucking mayo

thats gross

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Bought one of these on-line with my Mom's credit card. Over 300 shots per potato, my ass.

Failed two of my exams and this is my first semester. I have an exam tomorrow and I think I will fail that too. I still live with my parents and I didn't tell them I failed because they know jackshit about uni and would force me to quit and get a job by the end of the month. So now I said that I passed and I have to take it again next week and I will fail again because I know nothing about theoretical math.

How could I fuck up so fucking bad? I'm dying of shame.

>>25875779
>is prolly using a red waxxy potato

fuckin cunt try russet

>>25875804
So what if you get a job? Fuck maths, fuck exams, fuck college, fuck all that noise. Get rid of the shame and follow the path of least resistance.

>>25873485

Just because I may in the future study law (probably not the way things are going) doesn't men I obey the law ;^)

>have an exam in about 8 hours
>gonna study instead of sleeping

feelsbad.html

>>25870980
Drank too much as usual

>>25875804

You have got a week to prepare for the exam. Find someone who could help you. Teachers, classmates, etc.

>>25875637
Off topic from your comment, but i lurk and see tripfags all over the place, over the last month I've seen you in threads 5 times. Fucking weird.

>>25874704

You deserve what he's gonna do to you when you get caught

>>25875637

Stupid wasteful bitch

>>25875779

I have one of those too it's a lot of fun

>>25874704
>fucks great pussy AND has a golden taste in 2D pussy
i'm proud of you son

>>25875778
For everyone who isn't in cucknadia like this canoodian, subsauce is essentially 1000 island.

Who /bed wetter/ here? I just did it the other night. No idea why, kinda scary 2bh

>>25871633
>I jokingly told my parents about how I hear disembodied voices at night and figures and now they made me appointment with a psychiatrist
If you're in a decent country, just be honest about what happened and you'll be fine.

>>25871774
Bro.
Bro.
You should just be a man and get high with her.

>>25871858
Did she see u again?

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I couldn't hold all those lemons. So a bunch of whores stole them.

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>>25872272
It's the comfiest place in the world.

>>25871869
I'm so jealous senpai :(

>>25872058
Make them instead

>>25872038
you fuckboi

>>25874596
just feed the doge a bunch of paracetamol or something

>>25877020
I dont wanna get high I want to die, and this is money I could be putting into a passport so I can gtfo and btfo.

>>25877062
yes. I am shitscared I will do a brainfart like this again though, its not like i can do anything about it, it just happens, no clue why

>>25872260
>Hope you die from falling next time you go up there, cunt.
Don't you have some Stacy's to fuck, Chad?

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>>25877097
>tfw no roof to chill on

>>25872275
>I feel bad, but he brought it upon himself.
Correct

>>25873190
>enjoy your gay little cult
enjoy being alone

a girl i'm interested in told me she went to a party and got practically raped and i sperged out and said i didn't care

>>25872275
Good on you, man - Hope your loyal friends are still doing well

>>25872199
it's for the best, anon

>>25872275
Godspeed, Lord of the misfits.

my most recent fuck up was being born.

every subsequent fuck-up is just a side-effect of that one fuck-up.

>>25877188
But then my wife's black son wouldn't keep me in check in case I was racist. I need to be punished accordingly.

>>25877310
>practically raped

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>>25877388
>kek desdesu

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>>25874704
based neet with great taste fucking chads wife while he wagecucks

I fucked my sis while she was asleep. It was an accident I swear. I thought it was my gf

>>25875779
spud gun story
>be me
>at house party
>be walking around shooting people with a tatty gun because I'm an awkward man-child
>point it at the fat chick
>'you can't shoot me with that potato gun, anon. I'm pregnant'
>Think for a second
>WhatTheFuckHasThatGotToDoWithAnything.bat
>fat bitch is just being fat
>shoot her with potato gun
>normies get butthurt about it

Judge me, r9k - I need guidance

>>25877570
Potato gun? Are you retarded?

>>25877150
>make drugs
>don't sell them
doesn't sound very helpful

>>25877570
Why would you bring a fucking potato gun to a house party

>>25877191
passport to death?

>>25877194
it prolly happens because ur scared bro

>>25877570
>me and friends build spud canon when we're 13
>first time ever and just going off friends dads stories
>fill the chamber with spray
>friend a is standing in front of it
>friend b thinks it'll be a funny idea to shoot him with it
>hits him straight in the dick
>he passes out
>he ends up getting rushed to hospital and having one of his nuts removed

We had no idea how strong it actually was at the time.
I'm not sure if his other nut still worked or if he's infertile now.

>>25877627
>>25877689
It was knocking around the house - It wasn't mine
I know it's retarded
Was it wrong to shoot a pregnant woman with a potato gun, or does she have special potato privileges?

>>25877781
Holy shit - I'm fucking dying of laughter

>>25877401
got really drunk and fucked some dude, i've always believed if you drink you run the risk of fucking but probably should have been nicer

>>25877902
how did she react

I woke up

>>25877796
Because she's pregnant doesnt mean you can't shoot a little potato pellet at her. Why tf is she at a party whilst pregnant? Fucking sket

>>25877950
Thank you!
I knew I did the right thing.

>>25877930
>fuck you
>i dated (friend)
course he never told me about it either, quite the friends i have

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>>25877979
should've given that fat bitch a bollocking

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>>25877937
And the Matrix was real?

>>25878025
>should've given that fat bitch a bollocking
I almost did one time, but when she was lying on the bed with her shirt off she looked like a drunk snorlax so I couldn't

>inb4 that's not what I meant
I know

>in a discussion with my father about an acquaintance of ours
>I keep saying this guys doesn't know anything about something
>father says ''of course he knows what he's doing''
>I say ''my ass he knows what he's doing!'' on reflex
>father says ''what the fuck did you say to me? Who do you think you're talking to? I'm not your fucking bitch!''

Well... fuck him to be rather honest. What a sensitive faggot.

>>25877712
Sure, technically I guess.

I forgot to fill the stalls with hay before tucking the horses in for the night. So they went about 14 hours without food. I'm not sure how bad that is for their health but I felt pretty bad in the morning.

>>25873919
what if she doesn't want to tough it out or sees no hope?

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I posted a pepe that was only 32% rare so I got my gold account revoked

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>Making spaghetti
>Straining it
>Got hot ass water all over my hand
>Drop spaghetti all over floor
>mfw I ruined dinner and burnt my hand in 30 seconds or less

>>25878912
Stop the suffering now. Break up now.

I bombed one of my finals and slipped below the GPA threshold for my honors scholarship. I didn't want my parents to find out so I sold the camera they got me for Christmas and told them it fell off of my car when I was making a time lapse video. Problem is I was supposed to share that with my two siblings so I fucked them out of a present.

>>25878994
I somehow got it in my head once that salt keeps spaghetti from sticking to the pot so I added a fuckton to the noodles. Worst meal I ever forced myself through.

>>25874704
>5'4

I bet her husband visits /fit/ regularly, you should post this there

>second date with qt3.14
>come back to my place after going out to eat
>watch pirates of the caribbean
>it's getting late, she says she has to go in an hour or two
>start making out, it begins escalating
>suddenly we're both completely naked in my bed
>i'm rock hard, go to put a condom on
>condom instantly deflates my dick, can't get hard again no matter what
>she says it's okay, she'll go on the pill instead
>we just cuddled naked all night instead
>

Got fired from my last job. Don't really feel like it was fully my fault but still I know I could have done better.

>>25870980
>lingering at home my entire vacation
>not joining the gym
and last but not least
>buying xbox one

>>25879261
reee etc
marry her

>>25878994
I had a similar incident with cup noodles, the cup slipped from my hand and somehow poured itself all over that hand. I became Kyoko Kirigiri for the next week. The back of my hand was like bacon until it healed.

>go donate blood
>guy infront of me gets called out, says it's okay for me to go first
>go first
>ask him where i'm supposed to sit
>he doesn't responde
>wtf.png
>don't know where to go
>big guy ask me what i'm doing
>tell him that I was called, but then I word it differently and he's confused
>ask me who called me to clearify
>say they didn't call me, and just point to the girl who called the other guy out
>she looks confused
>god damn it
>look like a moron, ask him what do
>says to just take a sit
>take a sit
>lay down and sigh
>girl taps me in the shoulder
>not that one and points to some other chair
>get up again like a moron and finally sit down.

>>25871869
>I hallucinate wildly at night
I dream too, sometimes.

I've already missed 2 assignments and failed 1 quiz in the first week of the semester.

>>25870980
was supposed to get a job cleaning up after a bunch of electricians, was gonna be getting paid $16 an hour with a mon-thu 40 hr schedule, but i never called the guy back to set it up and its been almost a month now since i got the offer.

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>>25870980
>interviewed with microsoft last Friday
>in the last interview before the one with the general manager / hiring
>manager asks if I would ever hack into a compromised machine if given the chance.
>I tell them "of course and I've done it before, I'll do it again".
>Realize I've failed the ethics test
>Am asked to leave
>probably didn't get the job

welp.....

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Failed the 2 mile run on my APFT because of a cramp and now I have to do remedial PT

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>>25871849
>I once thought an image of a breyer's icecream tub dumped in the seat of a car was a pirate's face winking.

this?

>>25880391
How can you be so stupid dawg?

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>>25880424
COVER IT! COVER IT! I DID NOT WISH TO SEE IT!

Small? Burnt lunch this afternoon

Big? Got excessively drunk and thought I was speaking coherent sentences. I wasn't...