I JUST SMASHED MY FUCKING TESTICLES AGAINST THE TOILET SEAT,

check out some sadistic bdsm forum or some shit and see how guys handle having their nuts crushed with high heels

>>25531147
There just isn't a cure for this amount of autism.

now you'll never have kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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>>25531147
ANON BTFO BY HIS BATHROOM

>>25531190
ALRIGHT, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. THANKS!!!

>>25531205
FUCK YOU, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS FUCKING FEELS LIKE. I HAD NO WAY TO PREVENT THIS.

>>25531147
Sorry OP, but you're sterile now. Not like you ever needed them anyways

>>25531147
I feel second hand pain, massage and use and ice pack

It will get better OP just rub some Robitussin on it.

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>>25531249
>I had no way to prevent this
Not squatting on the toilet seat for starters?

Kek why was your first instinct to post on this lame board

>>25531190
probably your best option op

>>25531147
Google 'How to use a toilet' to avoid this next time

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>>25531147
I'm so sorry, OP. I want you to know that I am empathetic towards your situation and I sincerely hope no long-term damages will ensue due to this unfortunate event.

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OKAY SO I LOOKED UP "BDSM FORUM CRUSHED TESTICLES" AND "RECOVER FROM CRUSHED TESTICLES" AND I DIDNT FIND ANYTHING USEFUL. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!

MY FUCKING BALLSACK IS SO PURPLE ITS ALMOST BLACK. I FEEL LIGHTHEADED AND LIKE I COULD PASS OUT BUT I CANT GO TO THE DOCTOR BECAUSE OF AN INCIDENT. FUCK!!!!!!!!

>>25531549
>BECAUSE OF AN INCIDENT
do tell

>>25531549
did you accidentally fall on an electric toothbrush and get it irretrievably jammed up your butthole?

>>25531582
MY DOCTOR IS A CUNT. I ALSO CANT GO TO THE ER BECAUSE LAST TIME I WAS IN THE NEAREST HOSPITAL I FUCKED AROUND SO THEYRE GOING TO TRY TO FUCKING ARREST ME FIRST. FUCKING NORMFUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>25531649
You're funny anon, I like you.

I once got hot chilly juice on my balls and up the pee hole, it was one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever experienced.

I had to keep them dunked in a glass of milk whilst showering to ease the pain.

>>25531306
SQUATTING IS HOW PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO SHIT

>>25531147
Nuts are pretty resilient, unless it actually feels ruptured it will probably be fine.

Probably fucked your sperm count though.

>>25531147
I made a twisted face, laughed, and then felt relieved that it wasn't my nuts which were crushed underneath a toilet seat.

Verily, I say unto ye, this is a true Robot issue.

>>25531147
Karkat relax.

>>25531649
>fucked around
what did you do and what are they gonna arrest you for? All Caps?

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>>25531649
>LAST TIME I WAS IN THE NEAREST HOSPITAL I FUCKED AROUND SO THEYRE GOING TO TRY TO FUCKING ARREST ME FIRST

Explain

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>>25531714
Some also went up my anus hole and it felt raw like what a bad case of the shits do to your insides.

divine intervention
god knew an autist that squats should never spread his seed

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>>25531864
>god knew an autist that squats should never spread his seed

jesus fuck my sides are inter-galactic right now

No matter how spergie you are, at least you aren't

>>>/sp/64714754

this guy

>>25531906
Its not even that funny.

>>25531929
Wow that's a George Costanza-tier fuckup

>>25531951
come on op, it's pretty funny

>>25531951
>Its not even that funny.

do you even /fit/?

>>25531951
It's not funny at all

>>25532054
please see
>>25531989


R I P P L E T O E ' S
S T A R T I N G
S T R E N G T H

S Q A U T S
E D I T I O N

>>25531147
dude, if it's a serious injury, go to the ER and demand speaking to an urologist/similar. seriously.

>>25531549
Post pics of black balls

>>25532146
Please what? It's 0 on a funny scale. Literally. Didn't even chuckle.

>>25531549
Just start sending dick pics to all the girls you know asking if it looks normal.

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>>25531929
I don't get it. What's the point of reporting some guy for taking a sandwich that was going to be thrown away? Why would they send someone to question him about it? I'm beginning to think his story might be an artistic work of fiction and falsehood

>>25532421
Vaginas are disgusting

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>>25532510
I beg to differ tbqh

>>25532639
Is that your snatch?

>>25532639
I can smell the shit and sweat from here

>>25532639
That one's still kind of gross. The only good ones are the ones with puffy labia majora that cover up all the fleshy bits
>inb4 mad roasties

>>25532639
Time stamp with "hello /r9k/ and alex 2016".

>>25532639
I think I might just be gay

timestamp and pic of smashed balls op. I gotta see this.

>>25532759
>>25532765
>>25532824
You guys are such homosexuals. Go back to your home board >>>/lgbt/, you faggots.

>>25532510
I'm surprised that was an original post

>>25532986
Even the robot agrees.

>>25532986
desu I'm more surprised "Vaginas are disgusting" was original