Help me end my misery

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I need help to get a firearm, I live in NYC so yea- not a lot of that around and those who do have it; are degenerate thugs who would think I'm a cop bc I'm not a ghetto fabulous female. Just a regular female who is tired of the demons, tired of being treated like a piece of shit- I want it to end!
Firearm is the way to go bc it's fool proof & there's just something morbidly beautiful when you're finally gone- only thing left is a beautiful scenery.
Maybe someone else in my area has access and feels the same way I do- we could make a pact? Open to ideas! Please if anyone agrees with assisted suicide or just understands the feelings of wanting to end things on your terms. I can't control anything in my life. This is all I have , my only chance of doing exactly what I've been dreaming of.