CHAN: The Great Unemployed Empire

>>986758
>Get ye flask

>>986758
You've got mail.

Go in window

Approach Boarded Door

Ask boards if they're board.

>>986856
delete system 32

>>986856

Masturbate and use the cum as skin lotion.

>>986880
I'll second

>>988025
Peer through the cracks in the planks.

>>988080
Huh. Knock on the door.

>>988117
Head round the back.

Open the window. Stick head inside and look around to see what's inside.

>>988695
break window with fist
remove shirt
wrap shirt around glass shard
wield glass shiv

>>988695
First- check our in-game stats and inventory
then look around ourselves in the real world.

Read the letter from the mailbox

>>989415
look for a good rock

>>989415
return to where we came from

Put shirt back on

Look through kitchen window

>>989454
Where are the developers of this game based?
Also- again, return to where we came from, or at least recall where we came from.

>>989467
Review all of our memories from the past, if we can't, are we afflicted by amnesia?
Is this a game?
equip rock from bed of petunias

>>989467
take a rock and ask for its name.

Head to back

Look through window

We should probably look for a job after this!

>>989587
Find rock again.
If found, hold rock and ask for its name.

After >>989597

Put rock in inventory

Head east into forest

>>989633
Name rock "Doggy"

Head east and pet doggy to calm nerves

>>989633
Call out into the south of the forest with our best Pepe mating call. If we find a Pepe, collect it, and then butcher it for nutrients.

>>989654
If we find a pepe, check the rarity first

Only consume if rarity is common or less

>>989695
Investigate voice, rock at the ready.

>>989707
This

>>989728
Place a curse on the man within the tent.

>>989728
What board did we frequent mostly?

>>989728
Also change name to Anon but it's pronounced Ay-non instead of uh-non

Inspect trash

>>989937
>>989960

Holy shit
Go to walmart and purchase firearms
Let's go on an adventure

>>989960
End the man within the tent swiftly with Doggy.
I need his flesh and blood to summon a demon.

>>989996
Change gender to Male.
Put on your best manners.
"Greetings, my name is 'Anon but it's pronounced Ay-non instead of uh-non', do you have a map of this region, or at least know the nearest town?"

Demand Tendies from hobo woman

Issue ultimatum that she is either our mother or our wife now.

Change gender to Female

>>990081
Change gender to other
Teleport to Fetid pond
Look for places to go

>>990208
Put up a fighting stance.
"What service did you give which would constitute a purchase?"

Bellow an autistic warcry

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8oLu7znwQ0&t=33s

>>990501
Change gender to Attack Helicopter.

Say this is just another element of the roleplay and offer fifty dollars, only to be paid upon completion of services.

After you blind her by blowing your load on her face hit her in the head with your rock.

smash her head in with the rock

Give her the fifty dollars as mentioned before.
Get a blow job.

Before cumming pull out, cum in her face.
Bash her head in with Doggy.
Use her blood to perform blood ritual on Doggy strengthening him, then take back the money.

>>990592
Dive into the water
Swim towards the factory

Change gender to fish-kin

(Shit, fell asleep)

Autistically taunt the hobo whore then run/swim to the factory

Do you guys think OP fell asleep?

>>990687
Probably

>>990688
I hope not. This was about to get really good.

This looks really good. OP is gay, but not a fag.

>Remember
>They always watch
>They like to watch
>They like to watch the toilets
>They like to watch the poo come out
>Brown and mushy
>Because they are better than us all
>Masturbate while shitting to appease the masons
>Look west
>Use NOT BEING A SHITFAGGOT spell
>Use TOILET PAPER
>Avoid PIZZA

Check inventory, especially for cash.

inb4 we realize we have no money

Change name to Female
Change race to Dragonkin
Change parents' name to Nobody

>>991288
>>991070
We already did that. We have a social security check.

Walk west

Head west and inspect the front of the factory

Open console commands

add dollar 150

Sneak in the back of the factory with your ninja parkour.

Try side entrance to factory

Knock on the Front door and ask them if they can help you cash your check.

>>993562
fus ro dah

Get the fuck outta there

wear a disgise

change name to "Law-Abiding Citizen"
save

>>994328
Run away
Set new goal: obtain kilt to become SCOTTISH PROTOHUMAN rank.

>>994384
Run east filled with neckbeard fear

>>994495
Run to the west and think about the gains.

>>994495
Run south instead, reassure yourself by humming an anime intro

Try to remember where you can cash your autism bucks

Do squats

Hide behind tree

Do pelvic thrusts as abstract form of exercise

Remember wheat direction town is

>>994574
ask Doggy how to get swole

>>994574
>>994574
Run east to find out who is in charge of the chemical dumping, that is definitely NOT DESU!

Go west

Find person

Ask directions to town

try not to fuck up basic social interaction

>>994585
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A START

Go to housing development

Find person and ask where town and bank is

Accept that we needed to go on a diet anyways

Drink water from the pond

obtain super powers

Go west
Go west until at housing development
Find somebody that can stand your presence for more than ten seconds

>>994630
Induce vomiting, the easy way to lose weight.

>>994635
Do you realize what you have done

Load Save

Walk west

Walk west

>>994675
Break into Suzuki's house and steal her panties

Go west

Look around

>>994689
walk up
walk down
walk left
walk right
push a
push b
select
start
select around the street signs

Go upstairs
Go to Yumiko's room
Acquire new clothes to replace shit doused ones you have

Tell heart to stop going doki doki, that isn't helping

Take a few pieces of jewelry and shoes

Look in the hamper

>>994713
Steal pantsu
Look at PC

Exchange platform shoes for something more practical

Go downstairs

Raid fridge

Exit Yumiko's room
Go Downstairs
Enter Kitchen
Raid fridge

Find a knife
Take knife
Take all the food except the beef
Leave house
Go east
Go east

Go west
Go south

Share food with hobo
Give hobo shoes and jewelry

>there is no hobo here

My ass

Check homeless woman's encampment

Go south

Get attention of hobo heifer

Present filthy 3d disgusting sow with shoes and share food

....

Load Save

Walk West
Walk West
Break into Suzuki's house and steal her panties
Go west
Look around
walk up
walk down
walk left
walk right
push a
push b
select
start
select around the street signs
Go upstairs
Go to Yumiko's room
Acquire new clothes to replace shit doused ones you have
Tell heart to stop going doki doki, that isn't helping
Take a few pieces of jewelry and shoes
Look in the hamper
Steal pantsu
Look at PC
Exchange platform shoes for something more practical
Go downstairs
Raid fridge
Exit Yumiko's room
Go Downstairs
Enter Kitchen
Raid fridge
Find a knife
Take knife
Take all the food except the beef
Leave house
Go east
Go east
Go west
Go south

Save

Go around Fetid Pond

>>994770

Take out pants off
Masturbate and put the cum in the shoes.
Wear pants on head.

Eat tofu.

>>994770
Equip knife

take pants off head
put shoe on head
tie pants around neck

Activate memories

View inventory

check stats, especially STR

>>995598
Put the 2 points into STR, gotta get /fit/ if we want to hunt down those pepes.

dump both those points into Charisma.
Take Jeans off neck
Put jeans on legs
go west
go south
go east while watching out for pools of AIDS

>>995679
Go north and look for an entrance to the factory. Wanna get in there and steal all their shit.

>>995679
Change race to Nigger
Change name to Dindu Nuffin
Remember, no matter how many panties you stole or how many murders you attempted, you dindu nuffin. This way, we won't get arrested.

>>995988
Now's our chance!
Enter lobby.
Apply for job.

>>996149
Say that he looks handsome, that's sure to get us the job!

>>996149
Load save

Check stats

Put both stats into CON

Check surroundings

Check self

>>996250
Yeah? Well!
>>996149
Load save
Check stats
Put both into dex
save
what chu gon do

It angers me that no new posts have been made.

File: saf.png (306KB, 593x540px) Image search: [Google]

306KB, 593x540px

>>996413
>>996149

>Not wanting neckbeard regeneration powers

Kek heartily about a funny story you remembered reading on /b/

Cry like a faggot because you haven't made any fun memories outside of posting on 4chan

>>996654
Walk south and check surroundings

>>996826
Remember how to get home from here

>>996826

Pray to Kek, Cthulhu, Shrek himself, and the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster for the strength of body to persevere in our Quest, the strength of will to talk to women, and the strength of faith to receive their blessings.
While we pray, we dump our food into the Fetid Pond, and cut our wrists with our knife and pour our blood into the Fetid Pond, in a sacrifice to the 4-Chan Divines.

>>996927
Take off pants

Cut of penis in worship of kek

>>996933

NO! We need it to honor the 4-Chan Divines, and without it, we won't be able to fap!

Instead, we'll take off our pants, and throw them into the Fetid Pond, and we'll masturbate and dump our cum into the Fetid Pond, in a sacrifice to the 4-Chan Divines.

>>996992
Get /fit/ so we can beat that whore to death and take her shoes.

Check inventory.
Check spell list.
W.

>>997380
Drop leaflet
XYZZY
HINT
Open gate

Eat tofu.
Drop sushi.
Identify as female.
Save.
N.
N.

>>997393
Cast detect tendies.

>>997428

Find the Tendies and consume them! And use our knife to stab anyone who tries to stop us!

>>997428

> Punch nearest wall 10 times

>>998837
>punch nearest wall again but pretend you're fisting

Walk into 7-11

>>998934

> Hold our knife up in the air and demand Tendies... OR ELSE!

>>998837

>Inspect cashier booth

> Inspect cashier

> Apply for job at 7-11

>>999391

God dammit...

>>999391
vetoed

save

>>1000977

> Reason for applying? ["To earn Mommy and Daddy's love and approval."]

> Where do you see yourself in five years? ["Living in an orbital battle station with my super-pregnant harem comprised of Yumiko, Yumiko's mother, and all of the other pretty girls, and a fleet of elite jet-mechas."]

> What are your hobbies? ["4Chan."]

> Enter Stockroom

> Look for someone to give your application to

> Save
> Save

>>1001144

> Thoroughly inspect corpse

> Roll a Will save to resist peeking at corpse's unmentionables

>>1001169

> Put job application on the ground away from the body

> Remove all of the dead clerk's clothing

> Claim corpse's underwear as per tradition

> Place the dead clerk's uniform on the ground away from the body

> Use knife to carefully flay off of the dead clerk's face

> Wear dead clerk's face

> Pick up dead clerk's uniform

> Wear dead clerk's uniform

> Law-Abiding Citizen: Be Nameless 7-11 clerk

> Pick up job application off of the floor

> Accept application

>>1001204

> Stand, positioning yourself between the clerk's mutilated corpse and the woman

> In your most authoritative voice: "Hello there fellow service station employee, it is I, your peer and associate. A young man dropped off this phenomenal job application, and I, as an official employee and representative of this fine establishment, have decided to hire him. I am now going on union-sanctioned break. It has been a pleasure speaking to you as always treasured peer and associate. Farewell."

> Leave storeroom through whichever doorway the woman isn't standing in

>>1001204

> Change Gender: Demigod Stud
> On our way out of the 7-11, we grab delicious Tendies, Mountain Dew, and Doritwe, and wave goodbye to the camera.

>>1001204

> Cast detect Pepe.
> Shout Pepe mating call at the top of our lungs.

Don't be dead OP, this is the first decent Quest we've had all year.

>>1001204
Teleport to yumiko's room

>>1002844

> "Will I get Lots of Milk and Cookies, Good Boy Points, Tendies, and the Rarest, Dankest Pepes if I help you?"

>>1002844

> Inspect enclosure

> Inspect brick wall

> Turn every iota of your pungent, sweaty attention towards the alluringly mature woman

> Inspect alluringly mature woman

>>1003845

> Reclaim dead clerk's face (if you don't still have it)

> Eat dead clerk's face to sate hunger

> Inspect Trash can

> Search Trash can for loot

> Inspect Manhole

> Make a tasteful joke about Manholes

>Cast detect normie

>>1004258
>Save

>Remove manhole cover

>Look in manhole

>Take disembodied head from corpse pile

>Make a corny joke about dead bodies while moving the jaw of the head open and closed to imitate talking, to lighten the mood!

HELP.

Define VERBOSE command.
Define BRIEF command.
Define SUPERBRIEF command.

Mentally rename the woman Loving Mom.
Ask Loving Mom "Are you giving me a job ?"

Hold Doggy tight as our quest is possibly at an end !

>>1004563
Look for Tendies
Eat Tendies
Check attributes

>>1004586

> Inspect corpse parts in trash can

> Tip out contents of the trash can into a pile on the ground

> Meticulously extract the corpse parts from any other miscellaneous pieces of garbage comprising the pile of garbage and arrange them neatly off to one side

> Frantically gorge yourself on the Thanksgiving-like feast of viscera and offal that has been laid out before you

> If you find a spare moment between cramming fistfuls of flesh down your slovenly harvester maw ask Loving Mom "What kind of evidence? You must understand, the Internet told me that I am Lawful Good, that means I must always be a good boy and never commit any immoral or unethical deeds. On an unrelated note, do you happen to be carrying any condiments that I could borrow?"

Explain a bit more about D&D alignement system since it is a great topic and Loving Mom will obviously be enthralled.

Illustrate Chaotic Evil using Dad example.
Illustrate Lawful Good using Yumiko example.
Illustrate Neutral Good using Doggy.
Show Doggy for her to understand better.

Explain to Loving Mom she can't have Doggy because Wage Slave.
Explain how NEET are superior.
Realize we don't need a stupid job.
Realize Dad is FUCKING EVIL.

Shake. Go full tantrum for tendies.

What the fuck is happening in this quest.

>>1005099

{We're creating our respective spirit animals, then mashing them together into a single beautiful amalgamation...}

Check stats

View EXP required for next level up

Atribute all idle skill points to intelligence

Activate sherlock mode

We need to archive achieve this Thread for future generations.

> After we finish eating, loudly pray to Kek, Cthulhu, Shrek himself, and the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster for blessings so that we can find the rarest Pepes and get lots and lots of Good Boy Points, and powerful magical powers so we can destroy our enemies and eat their souls!

Sat on the ground and swing back and forth.

Sing a song to ourself and suddenly rise to declare: "I need to see and smell Yumiko."

Try to recall her agenda. Hope we will find a ring-shapped tendy in one of our boxes in order to propose romantically.

>>1007467

> Is twenty dollars a large sum of money? You don't know. Mom never let you handle money after you tried to use her credit card to buy a Chinese sex slave off the web."

> Take tendies from Loving mom (if you have not already)

> Say to Loving Mom: "Okay, but I need tendies first."

> Walk into Store room

> Walk into 7-11 store

> Check to see if this store has an in-store microwave (The ones used to prepare hot food, like pies and sausage rolls, for customers)

> Realize that you have never used a microwave to cook tendies before, Mom always did it for you

> Open microwave

> Put box of chicken tendies in microwave

> How long does it take to cook tendies? An hour? Yes that sounds right, an hour. You like them hot after all.

> I suppose we can help Loving Mom while the tendies cook

> Oh wait, this is a public microwave! What if some heinous normie wanders in and takes your unattended Tendies! Wait, you have an idea.

> Put Doggy into microwave, give knife to Doggy so that he can better defend your tendies

> Say: "Doggy, Guard."

> Turn on microwave

> Save

Start new thread

Is OP kill?

>>1012518
Infocuck interactive is a good game, but often has unusual loading times between updates, which luckily does little if nothing to hinder any quality to be gotten from the experience. Of course you could always buy a faster PC to cut down on loading times.

>punch computer to speed up loading time

>>1013116
Your monitor has a crack in it, but you think It's faster now. Do you continue? Y/N?

Go to Bathroom.
Lock ourself inside.

Cry a river because Loving Mom keeps asking for stupid stuff just like Mom.

Wish we still had the knife to cut inside our left arm.
Try to do so using our nails.

think about yumiko
take off pants
shake your happy stick

Reluctantly agree to Loving Moms request.

Follow her to evidence location.

Once in bathroom dispose of evidence.

> Archive Thread

> Masturbate on the corpse and ask Loving Mom if she wants to help while winking suggestively.