"is it fucked up?" "I dunno, its moving"

So this is what's going on:

1) Somehow, a hidden protocol made it's way into Nielly and is currently in control of her. It should wear off in a while, no biggie. The thing is, It's not in her body parts, so you can't take it out. Detect it, and write it somewhere to let Roomba know.

2) Calibrate her personality. Roomba asked for:

>>"Someone quick witted, who can solve problems without having to go over all the
details. Has good intuition. Trusts her friends, but doesn't just trust anyone, maybe even a bit
skeptical? Kinda quiet but not afraid to speak up about important things. She should be tall
and lanky, have dark hair, cute freckles, and dark eyes. If she can know about fixing Fakes
and Armas and ships and stuff, healing humans, and generally just be good at
recovering for disasters that'd be great. Oh and like, some kinda martial arts program so she
can stop people without hurting them too badly... I mean, if that's not asking too much and all!"

Well asking for a Fake to fix Armas /is/ some serious shit, but mostly she's pretty doable. As for the rest of the specs, it's as usual; the gaps they don't fill, you fill them yourself. Basically, do whatever the fuck you want.
If you aren't satisfied with the result, just take the memory segment from her, plug it into the machine, and rewrite the whole thing as much as you want. Qualities, speech impediments, weird fetishes; all up to you.

3) Motherfuckers this would be so much faster if you helped me.

>>931497
The worst thing is you can't even pretend you wouldn't do the same thing in their shoes. Fuck it, let's get this over with.

"What the fuck was that shit?" She's got fake diagnostic protocols on her, may as well check them out first.

>>931538

Someone, a long, LONG-ASS time ago, told the true original Sansui that the wise thing to do
was "shut your mouth, and keep it shut." It doesn't matter if he was robbing him; it was
wise, and you would have done well to abide.

Alas, here we are.

Sigh.

You wait up for the Fake to come back to her senses. Her eyes close; she slowly shakes her
head, as if shaking out the spider webs in her mind.

The first thing her eyes see, is you.

"Morning." You say. "What the fuck was that shit?"

"Oh, so you are asking /me/." the Fake retorts, her voice low. "Good. Good..."

"Run your diagnostics, we gotta patch you up, and maybe get you one of those red ribbons."

"So, I'm a present." She raises an eyebrow.

"Diagnostics please, thank you."

Nielly tilts her head, then closes her eyes. After a few silent moments, you see her crimson
eyes again.

"I'm getting nothing." she giggles. "Guess I'm perfect, then."

FFFFF

>>931591
"If you where perfect would I be telling you to run diagnostics on yourself?" Gotta up that deductive logic priority, these intuitive types always seem to need that.

"Ok, deductive reasoning testing time. You have a hidden protocol that we suck me with finding. What data do we have to work with in figuring out what caused it? What should we do next to try and find the hidden protocol?"

While she's working on that lets think up of stupid quirks to give her!

"If you were perfect would I be telling you to run diagnostics on yourself?" You add some silence
for drama, yet she just stares at you with a grin. "Time's over, the answer's "NO"."

"If I told you I have a bomb ticking in my chest would you run for cover?" She gives you a sly
look. "The answer is 'sarcasm'". Yet she doesn't give you pause.

"What? I would know, I goddamned made you."

"And I'd know I'm not perfect after practically fainting." she gives a dramatic sigh, yet that
damn grin is still there.

You cut her short. "Ok, deductive reasoning testing time. You have a hidden protocol that
we stuck me with finding. What data do we have to work with in figuring out what caused
it? What should we do next to try and find that worm?"

The grin vanishes. "This isn't deductive reasoning testing time."

"Yeah, it is."

"There's a hidden protocol in me."

"Yeah, no, well..." You shrug. "Yeah."

She doesn't reply. It's not hard to tell why the silence is getting dense; Fakes with hidden
protocols can be really serious shit. The last himehorn leader, Leader (yeah...) got half it's
body blown apart because of that.

Nielly finally tilts her head, yet she does so meekly.

"The finest scientist in the world, or so my memory says," she says. "Let's just hope I'm
not a shining example."

"DEDUCTIVE REASONING-"

"Ask me things." Nielly deadpans. "We have to simulate the trigger for the hidden protocol, and
I'm starting to believe that you /really/ needed to hear that from me."

>>931684
Deadpan back "Yes, I did."

Jumping 3 steps ahead of things, yeah that seems about right. She'll learn when to dial it back eventually.

"Fine, lets go over what was around at the time, you know, the logical place to start.

What is your opinion of the original Sansui? Sansui's as they are now?
What does a typical Sansui look like to you?
What do you think about Fakes in general?
Do you think Fakes are better than humans?
What would you do if humans tried to destroy all fakes?
What would you do if humans went extinct?
How do you feel about men?
And lastly:
How do you feel about men running around in boxers?"

Hidden protocols exist for a reason, trying to figure out the motive will give ides for what triggers to look for. unless they're random specific crap like some kind of clothing in a particular pattern, when the protocol was meant to kill exactly one person.

"Yes. I. Did." You deadpan, almost grumbling. She's so smart, yet she doesn't realize you got
to test her? "Fine," you state. "Let's go over what was around at the time, you know, the
logical place to start."

"Not getting a hidden protocol inside me?"

"What is your opinion of the original Sansui? Sansui 's', as we are now?"

"They are so smart!" she rumbles, eagerly.

You smirk at her without the thrill. "What does a typical Sansui look like to you?"

"Like you."

"What do you think about Fakes in general?" You press on, not looking at her.

"Hmm..." The lack of insta-sarcasm takes you aback, in a good way. "If you guys did not
made a mess out of my database, then we might be the only ones left standing in some
years." Nielly is visibly pondering at this, gently scratching her chin over and over. It takes her a
while to answer. "We will be envied soon enough, if that's not already the case, and
everybody will want to turn into a Fake to avoid starvation."

"Do you think Fakes are better than humans?"

"Yup." She smiles. "Pretty much."

"What would you do if humans tried to destroy all Fakes?"

She tilts her head, then pauses. Head-tilting is too moe, you wonder if Roomba would mind
someone taking the spotlight. Finally, Nielly comes back to her senses. "Escape and outlive
them. It would be too easy." Nielly pauses. Sadly." Then she shrugs.

"What would you do if humans went extinct?"

"A Fake empire." She smiles. "Isn't that what you want?"

"Holy shit, no," you hurry to answer, scratching your head frantically. "I mean, with all-"

"You've been fucked over over and over." Nielly's soft words cut you short, as she takes
a small step forward. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but... you didn't like that."

"We got fucked over because of our own god-damned wits, and we are still learning to deal
with that." Your words come out slim, yet firm and steady. "Of course, dearie madame, we did
not fucking like that. But guess what. If you run into a forest blindfolded and smash your fucking
skull into a tree, you don't get to blame the forest. So, no." You shrug. "We are trying to
help. Be good guys, all of that. All that thing."

"And I wonder how long is that going to last." Nielly's words seem too slyly and too soft, it
almost feels like having something wet and cold lick your neck from the darkness. "How many
times has it been... two times, three times already?"

"Four." You deadpan. "Hope your memory isn't fucked, that takes hours."

"Don't worry, I know the number already." She giggles. "I was just trying to make a point. Let's
see, Fair, Shiroma, Vaal, Suhuru, and... Leaderhorn?"

You raise a ringer. "Nope, that doesn't count." You lower the finger. "We got WAY too
sidetracked, and while I /LOVE/ your company I really wanna get this over with quick."

Nielly nods. "Ok." All she does seem sly to you, maybe it's paranoia or maybe she's
overconfident of herself. Then again, you clear your throat to pretend you /aren't/ a Fake.

(Cont!)

"How do you feel about men?"

She shrugs.

"Like, come on," you press on, "do you see any difference between man and woman?"

"Do you want to talk about their privates?" She opens a palm towards you.

You shake your head. "You know what I mean, come on don't make this so freaking hard."

"I can't read your mind, I just hear your words." Nielly "hmms". "If what you mean is that if I
have some sort of preference, then no. Both have meat, in different places, and that only
matters when I need to know where to place my knee."

Oh, yeah. You got her the martial arts program. It's actually surprisingly unusual for Fakes to
have those, given how easily they can be shut down by anything with a dEKE field. Maybe you
should test that?

Then again; "How do you feel about men running around in boxers?" you ask the final
question.

"Not fascinated?" She shrugs, shaking her head. "I don't feel any hidden protocols
triggering. Do you?"

FUCK. Hidden protocols exist for a reason, trying to figure out the motive will give ideas for
what triggers to look for. Unless they're random specific crap that just happened to resemble the
trigger, like some kind of clothing in a particular pattern, when the protocol was meant to kill
exactly one person.

And how the fuck did it get in there?! You've been running out of parts- no, bullshit, you guys
got too lazy about making them so you started buying from the Fake Hunters. This shit was
/BOUND/ to happen. Negligence. Negligence, y'sire... no point in wondering how the fuck did
you get into this, now.

>>931937
Fuck. Think Sansui, what the fuck where we doing when she went off?

>>932794

You stop and think. What were we doing when she went off? How in the everlasting name of
Mother Fucka the Understanding did we stick a hidden protocol up her ass? Two minds think
more than one, three think more than two... yet here you are, very alone.

"Hmmlmmesee..." you mutter, as you walk around Nielly in circles.
"Mybeifweofnhmmhmm..."

"Yes," Nielly says, raising an eyebrow. "Sooo, about that answer..."

Given that most hidden protocols come body parts from rogue, messed up Fakes, the first
thing to do when you spot one is replace those. Which means, if you know yourself as much as
you think, that her hidden protocol triggered /twice/. And even so, the other Sansui couldn't
figure it out.

But that means it's doable. It happened twice, it can happen thrice.

You glance at Nielly as you walk around her, she already gave up on looking at you. Instead,
it seems she's trying to patch things up on her own, given how she scratches her chin.

Well, you still got to calibrate her personality.It's the wise thing to do, given there are no clues to
follow to her current affliction. Maybe It'll just pop up as you work on her.

>>934066

"You have a toothbrush, a lighter, and a paperclip. How can you use what you have to remove a screw from a board?" She'll probably balk at the stupid "out of the box" thinking puzzles but that's core shit for her right there. if she can't solve that in a few seconds we have some tweaking to do. (one answer is to melt the end of the toothbrush with the lighter and press the melted end into the head of the screw to make a screwdriver) throw a few more at her if we don't feel too confidant "A candle, a box of matches, and two tacks. stick the candle to the wall" is another 2 second max problem

Likewise let's test her paranoia a bit. "We're supposedly the only ones who know how to create fakes from scratch. What does that say to you about hidden protocols?"

>>934177

You stop behind her. "Alright Niellita la buenita, solve this for me." She doesn't turn, but her
head straightens. "You have a toothbrush, a lighter, and a paperclip. How can you use what
you have to remove a screw from a board?"

There's no reply. The black mass of hair in front of you is frozen, almost like a picture. It's not
too soon before she turns to you.

"Melt paperclip into screw with lighter, wait a while, bend it a bit, then turn it," she says,
smugly.

"Eh." You stop, then blink. "Not sure that's gonna work."

"Of course," she states, "it would. Unless it's too stuck for even a screwdriver to pull out."

"Yeah, well, not sure a paperclip could handle it. Really, I'm not sure."

"The finest scientist in the-"

"You got a candle, a box of matches, and two tacks. Stick the candle to the wall."

"Take out the matches, put the candle in the box, smash it a bit, then use the tacks at each
side of the candle in the box." You almost feel interrupted. Nielly smirks at you. "So this is
how you guys detect hidden protocols? Cool, I'm learning things here."

Oh god, you want to shove a whole arm in her mouth. Not out of anger or because you want to
hurt her, after all you made Nielly, but... just...

You take a quick breath, then make a point to smile softly at her. "We're supposedly the only
ones who know how to create Fakes from scratch. What does that say to you about
hidden protocols?"

"You wouldn't get a hidden protocol in my on purpose." Her smug smile is still there. And,
right now, it's shaking just a bit. "Would you?"

You shrug, and let silence enshroud you. She just stares at you, perhaps waiting for you to
retort. It's paused, but it seems she resorted back to scratching her chin, just like you
programmed her to.

Finally, she scowls at you. "You idiots aren't sending me into an assassination mission, are
you?"

Hmm; assesment time.

>>934449
"Lateral thinking check, paranoia check. What to test next... Fuck testing that martial arts segment... general personality it is then!

Fashionable clothing or casual?
what is more annoying, ambivalence or obstinacy?
How likely would it be for you to try to kill me if I put you in the body of a fat ugly slob of a guy?
Which is more important: being right or being liked?
Pretend you have some core hardware failure and your memory will irreversibly corrupt in a week, what do you do before then?
Humanity has died off, you've become self sufficient, and are certain to survive until the end of the universe. What do you do with all the free time?
When someone says "Trust me." what do you think?
When someone says "You're going to have to trust me." what do you think?
Someone has clearly refuted one of your arguments, one based on some deeply held beliefs, how do you react?
Someone is arguing in favor of something you agree with, but they're using emotional pleas to do so. Do you let them keep going or do you try to correct them?
"

let's see if that does anything

What is this?

I'm reading but not following

>>934671
"Of course," you start, "fucking not. We are trying to make people like Fakes, you know.
And also, the Templars from the West House make Fakes too, they just don't make memory
cores-which is what /we/ do."

"My hidden protocol is in my memory core," Nielly states, dryly.

"But why would we put it there?" You put some emphasis in your sudden shrug. "I mean come
on, its bad for business. Anyway-"

"Do you really expect me to just let this fly by?" Nielly interjects, softly yet sharply. "I know
damn well you are the only ones capable of getting a hidden protocol into a memory core."

"And yet, here I am. Trying to help you figure it out. Wow. Anyway, bear with me, we are
getting side-tracked again." You pause until she nods. "Fashionable clothing or casual?"

"I like fashionable clothes, I just don't mind wearing them." she replies, with still some edge
in her voice.

"What is more annoying, ambivalence or obstinacy?"

"Ambivalence. All least stubborn people care about something."

"How likely would it be for you to try to kill me if I put you in the body of a fat ugly slob of a
guy?"

"Unlikely, given how I would be a fat slob. Also, it doesn't seem like the end of the world. I
would, of course, demand you put me back here."

You chuckle. "Which is more important: being right or being liked?"

"Right, of course," Nielly states, softly yet eagerly. "Cult leaders tend to be very well liked,
even when leading their fanatics to mass suicide."

"Pretend you have some core hardware failure and your memory will irreversible corrupt in a
week. What do you do before then?"

"Relax."

"Humanity has died off, you've become self-sufficient and are certain to survive until the end
of the universe. What do you do with all the free time?"

She giggles. "Oh, the possibilities. Granted I've got the tools, then just indulge in my
perfectionism."

"When someone says "Trust me", what do you think?"

"Why should I?"

"When someone says "You're going to have to trust me." what do you think?"

"How amusing it will be to see it try and make me."

"Someone has clearly refuted one of your arguments, one based on some deeply held
beliefs. How do you react?"

Nielly shrugs. "I can be wrong, too, and I'd very much rather it being pointed out in an argument
than in a wager."

"Someone is arguing in favor of something you agree with, but they're using emotional pleas to
do so. Do you let them keep going or do you try to correct them?"

Nielly puffs her cheeks. "I don't want to be right, I want to be /right/." You give her a
confused glare. "It's important that they understand /why/ I'm right, otherwise their own
pretty little reasoning may take them anywhere else and that could be dangerous.

You nod, and nod. Well, no trigger yet. Assesment time!

>>935014
Needs a tweak to personality settings. Obstinate idiots are more dangerous than ambivalent idiots in a crisis, at least when someone with a brain is there to boss them around. Otherwise seems about right.

What next... even more philosophy?

"Good enough for now, lets see here...
What object in this room do you like the most? The least?
What is the first thing you remember?
Does this robe make me look like a tool?
Can I touch your boobs?
... a hug then?
How do you feel about all this?
What would make you happiest right now? (if it's easily possible maybe even do it)
If I told you a secret what would you do with it?
Someone you work with has broken down into a sobbing mess. what do you do?
Someone you work with has become and emotionless husk. What do you do? What do you do if said person develops a drinking problem to go with it?
Someone you work with is irrationally happy in even catastrophic situations. What do you do?
If someone was clearly an addict, barely functional, but also highly skilled would you choose to work with them?
If you had to choose, which sense would you choose to loose First? Second?
Would you rather work with a passionate hack, or a genius with no motivation?
Would you rather work against a cause you believe in, or for one that you don't believe in?
"

First of all, gotta make the Nielly wary of stubborn people. Ambivalent people without
strong convictions are far easier to move in times of crisis, while with stubborn people you
first have to deal with their crap and that takes time.

After all, your bet is that Nielly will be brain enough for all of them. Maybe Roomba wants
someone doing the job for her.

Then again: "Good enough, for now, let's see here... What object in this room do you like the
most?"

"I don't know what that is, but it looks pretty complex." She points at the skeleton of the
Heimaker suit you guy's been trying to figure out for a month now.

"What object do you like the least?"

"If the hidden protocol counts..." she sighs.

"No."

"Then your robe. It doesn't look very practical."

"It's full of shit, so it is." You retort, showing the insides of the left side of the robe. There are
screwdrivers, wrenches, small pulsar melders, little boxes with things... "Saves a lot of time."

"That seems... /very/ uncomfortable."

"I guess? You get used to it, seriously. Do you think it makes me look like a tool?"

"Yes."

"Alrightity." You pause. Sansuis have always worn this kind of robe. Now you wonder how
much of is it nostalgia, or a deep sense of belonging. "Can I touch your boobs?"

"You can." Nielly points out, smiling. "I don't want you to, but you can."

"A hug then?"

"You can." She closes her eyes to nod, still smiling. "I don't want y-"

"How do you feel about all this?"

Nielly pauses, and then you know her finger is going to her chin. "Confused. Dazzled, maybe.
You brilliant mans of science got a hidden protocol into me, and I still can't figure out why
or how." She pauses, but as you say a word her open palm makes you stop. Then the Fake
resumes. "As for the whole Support Center and Roomba thing, well, she did /very/ well in
asking for me. Not for my sake, of course." She points out. "I may have been born to keep that
lunatic from sinking and I don't exactly have that much choice in the matter," she says this
softly, emphasising it, yet you don't feel guilt, "I feel all I have left is to try and enjoy my sinking
coffin."

You nod, and nod. "What would make you the happiest right now?" you ask, a bit distracted,
as you think about the surface.

"Not having a bug in my head would be very pleasant." She smiles with all that, far too
widely.

"Anything else?"

Nielly "hmms". "I've been programmed to enjoy mochaccinos, it seems, and I hope that was
the case because we do, actually, have mochaccinos."

You turn from her. "Be right back."

----------------------------oWo-------------------------------

"So," you say, taking a sip from your cup of chocolate goodness (which is, actually, the only
thing you motherfuckers drink), "If I told you a secret, what would you do with it?"

You wait up her sip to end, it takes longer than you expected. "Well, it depends. If it's a secret
that could screw me up, I'd use it against you. Otherwise, I'd rather keep your trust in me."

"Someone you work with has broken down into a sobbing mess. what do you do?"

"Try to help them figure out the problem, of course." She takes another sip, yet a humble
one. At least yours is still a bit too hot. "If we find out what's wrong and fix it, then there's no
reason to cry anymore."

"Someone you work with has become an emotionless husk. What do you do? What do
you do if said person develops a drinking problem to go with it?"

"I'd try to figure out the problem. If it's something I can't do anything about, and it
keeps sinking deeper and deeper..." She pauses, and this time instead of scratching her
chin she goes for the cheek. Her crimson eyes lay open, but they are certainly not looking at
you. "I'd start considering a replacement." She finishes, finally.

"Someone you work with is irrationally happy in even catastrophic situations. What do you do?"

"Stay clear." She smiles. "Stay /very/ clear. If It's unpredictable, it could be dangerous. Off it
goes."

"If someone was clearly an addict, barely functional, but also highly skilled would you
choose to work with them?"

She shakes her head. "Unpredictability is no good. I want to know when I can and when I
cannot win. I cannot do proper assesment of the situation if I don't understand my assets,
and I sure as hell won't go with a hunch."

"If you had to choose, which sense would you choose to loose First? Second?"

"Taste, aaaaaaand tact."

"Would you rather work with a passionate hack, or a genius with no motivation?"

"As long as the genious is working."

"Would you rather work against a cause you believe in, or for one that you don't believe in?"

"If I don't have a choice, then for one I don't believe in."

And there we go again, no protocol triggering. Good. Good... Oh well, at least the way out is clear.

Dude, seriously, go peddle your crap somewhere else. /qst/ isn't the place for you to share your fucking short stories, it's for quests. That means player interaction, all you're doing is dumping a wall of text.

What the fuck am I reading? M-my eyes, they're moving on their own~!