Thread replies: 811
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Thread images: 237
Anonymous
"Racing" adventure, part 2 2016-11-11 07:53:42 Post No. 813795
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"Racing" adventure, part 2 2016-11-11 07:53:42 Post No. 813795
[Report] Image search: [Google]
Oh shit nigger you're in some sort of magical cart race organized by some shadowy magical interdimensional organization. In space.
You're Jojo, angsty teenage necromancer. Your "vehicle" is your skeletal helper, Lolisniffer.
Currently you're waiting for the next race to start, what do you do?
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>
>>813795
Recap on everything that happened recently through jojo's adolescence>tfw you're the anon primarily responsible for villain quest 2's weird ending
>>
>>813799
"Recapping everything? Why?"
>>
>>813801
Dubs, that's why.
>>
>>813802
"But that's a 2 though"
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>813807
nah just punch self in the faces
>>
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>>813807
In base-11 it isn't.
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>813813
Announcers do a quick recap of the prev. race
Part 1: >>786884
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>813813
Perfect.
Now maybe instead of running we actually get a car for ourself? Edgy teen version.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>813813
now time to upgrade our ride. Put on some speed pants Lolisniffer
>>
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>>813813
Get some kewl racing otaku goggles, like your friend siiiiiillverman used to wear
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>813816
>trousers with flame print
>>
>>813816
"The hell are those?"
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>813821
ones with flame stickers
>>
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Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>813821
>>813820
See this
>>
>>813823
thank you anon
>>
>>813823
"alright then"
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>813828
Mod Lolisniffer further
he is a "Vehicle" after all
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>813828
check out pants stats
>>
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>813828
add space running boots
>>
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Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>813834
Get a master blaster piggy-back thingie so jojo can rest on your shouldersfuck I forgot to roll die [/spoiler[
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>813834
we're good to go
no wait, we need helmets
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>813834
plenty, we are OP anyway
time to start a race
>>
>>813835
But you're Jojo
>>
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Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>813839
The Go-Faster Stripes! Draw them on something!
>>
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>813839
therefore you are awesome
with that settled let's start the race
>>
>>813839
Get a master blaster piggy-back thingie so you can be the navigator
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>813843
fucccckkkkk
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>813847
Bang on! Let's start the race
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>813847
totally not inspired by your slav ancestors
anyway, time to start the race, nobody will laugh on his get up that's for sure
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>813847
Sever someone's legs from the audience(?) and attach them to lolisniffer so you have a proper quadruped mount
How? Magic. I ain't gotta explain that shit
>>
>>813849
"Alright then, hop on"
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>813854
Put on a Horse bridle on Lolisniffer
now he truly is a mount
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>813854
Hop on gracefully
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>813854
Lolisniffer transforms into a Skelebike
>>
>>813855
Lolisniffer silently thinks about how you were much nicer when you're jsut a kid
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>813854
Sit down on his hands so your back feet are still touching the ground, you have to walk backwards and he walks forwards
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>813860
ride him like a bull!
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>813860
Hop on and look who is on your right side
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>813860
put a carrot infront
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>813860
Announcers, introduce the racers
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>813867
carrot tied to a string and a stick, stupid
>>
>>813867
The carrot is a ruse to sabotage your non-horse-owning contestants. Of course.
>>
>>813867
dangle it in front of him with a stick
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>813869
How many times today am I a retard
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>813873
And now tie the stick to your head
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>813873
now hold on to the stick to dangle the carrot in front of him!
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>813873
hop in and hold the stick
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>813873
Use it as a mace to bash the other racers after the race starts.
>>
>>813876
Slowly losing patience skeleton
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>813881
keep doing that while piggybanking him, now
Check the racer next to you and call him a fagget
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>813881
Forcefully put the carrot in his mouth for good measure
>>
hey op can I ask you a question about Vietnam
Why the living hell do your people keep touching and rubbing my belly
>>
>>813886
Are you fat?
>>
>>813887
Yes
>>
>>813889
Like how fat. Because seeing a really fat foreign dude is a rare sight for the people here. You're basically an exotic animal.
>>
>>813891
wow anon is like a unicorn? only with more diabetes?
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>813892
Mount and call racers next to you faggets
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>813892
remove everything you added, just keep pants and get ready for race cause it's about to start
>>
>>813892
No, I mean, really *jam* it in there. Try sliding it between the hole between his jaws?
>>
>>813891
Fat enough that last year when I wanted to go parasailing in Queensland I was not allowed to do so
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>813892
So how bout that race?
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>813896
God FUCCKN
>>
>>
>>813895
"Good thing I have a spare coat then. Now c'mon, get on already"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>813903
Hop on and discuss strategy with Lolisniffer
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>813903
check your position, and race track map
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>813903
What does the track look like?
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>813903
Enter super secret spy mode, act casual and get some information about the other racers by listening to their conversations. Pinpoint weaknesses.
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>813909
Their weakness is being too slow to compete with us! Ha! Ha!
>>
>>813904
"Okay, so what is our plan for this one? Apparently the next track is medieval themed with hazards like dragons and wizards and whatnot"
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>813914
Tell lolisniffer to try and go exactly 88 miles per hour
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>813914
Shoot Wizard's hats off
Bribe Dragons
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>813914
"I thought the theme was Spess"
>>
>>813919
"That's for the final race"
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>813920
Can we bribe wizards with anime and Dragons with jew gold?
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>813920
Final? I though races were just 100 laps on the same track over and over again?
What is this, a cartoon?
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>813920
race start when
>>
>>813921
"Why not just punch them to death?"
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>813927
I just did my nails
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>813927
So they can deal with other racers and leave us alone
>>
>>813929
"kay"
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>813927
because we are holding on to each other and if either of us let go i might fall off.
>>
>>813932
do you ever get tired of running?
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>813932
When does the race start?
>>
>>813936
"In 5 minutes"
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>813939
Do skeleton stuff for whole five minutes
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>813939
warm up
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>813944
THE RACE!!! DON'T GET DISTRACTED!
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>813944
jam on
>>
>>813945
Ah yes of course, the race. This time it's Medieval Track . Where racers have to get past a hostile wizard in his tower, go through the Spooky Forest filled with terrible dangers and survive the trip through the dragon caves.
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>813949
Mout your ride and get ready
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>813949
Rev your engine
>>
>>
>>813795
Test
>>
>>813952
I know he knows what to do
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>813957
check out the competition
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>813957
call everyone next to you scrubs
>>
>>813958
Right next to you is Super Robot Pilot in the Outtabudgetto
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>813960
And in front of us?
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>813960
Tell him:
"Nice ride, fag hair"
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>813960
more like Nobudgetto
>>
>>813962
Revolver Bonelot and his Juggernaut
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>813966
Skellies should stick together, right?
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>813966
ram it and steal his guns
>>
>>813970
"Sure, we'll do that when the race starts"
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>813972
When is the race starting already
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>813972
yes, do that.
steal all his guns
all of it.
and laugh at him.
loudly
>>
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>813976
RAM
THAT
NIGGA
with your Foot spell
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>813972
ramming speed mister sniffer
>>
>>813977
You cast Foot
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>813982
also cast foot underneath to get a rocket foot jump ontop of car to steal guns
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>813985
grab the guns and run the course!
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>813985
loot his guns and run for it
call him a fagget while at it
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>813985
Loot gun and leg it!!!
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>813990
combine guns to a bigger gun
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>813990
Use the gun at who is front of us.
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>813990
now shoot the guns in any and all directions
>>
>>813993
It just werks
>>
>>813996
mount it on Lolisniffer
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>813996
ARMGUN GO
>>
>>813999
Whose arm?
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>814000
nah just strap it on lolisniffer's head and fire at other racers
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>814000
Lolisniffer
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>814006
Who you're firing at exactly?
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>814006
now run back wards and use the gun to gain more speed. smart
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>814006
DAKKADAKKA!!!
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>814013
We getting near to the wizard yet?
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>814013
become even smarter. run forward and not backwards but use gun as booster drive firing backward without looking where firing
>>
>>814014
Yes.
MEANWHILE, AT THE WIZARD TOWER
"The fuck?" the wizard said to himself as he notices the racers getting closer
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>814017
QUICK
BRIBE HIM WITH SIMON'S ANIME TO MAKE HIM ATTACK OTHER RACERS
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>814017
call him a virgin
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>814017
Toss a choclate covered carrot to the wizard as bribe.
>>
>>814019
"What? Lmao, shit taste"
Bribery failed
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>814023
Agree wholeheartedly
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>814023
Blast base of tower with gun
>>
>>814025
Yeah because part 2 is better anyway. The wizard then blasts balls of fire at the racers!
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>814028
Watch the scene while eating popcorn.
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>814028
dodge them all cuhrazay like
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>814028
Remind yourself to beat up Simon for having shit tastes in anime
again
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>814028
>sequel
>better
dodge a faggot
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>814034
ride the fireballs
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>814034
Kick the attacks back at wizard
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>814041
check our current position
>>
>>814043
You're currently in second place. Dickass Thief is first.
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>814046
Cast barrage of foot spell beneath us now that we have the upper ground
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>814046
shoot at his wheels
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>814046
road runner past the man in first
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>814051
shoot all ammunition from gun at once back, to give us a speed boost
>>
>>814052
Approaching Spooky Forest
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>814054
just burn it all to the ashes or something while speeding thru it
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>814054
cast foot on every creature there
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>814057
ez
did we outrun dickass thief?
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>814057
DO IT AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND ETC ETC ETC....!!!
>>
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>814061
call other racers pushovers while proceeding to leading the race
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>814061
Paint our skeleton with blue color and put blue mohawk on him. We gotta go fast like Zonic!!!
>>
>>814063
zebra plz
>>
>>814062
You called them pushovers
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>814065
>trying attack girl from back
>implying you didn't learn self defense
crush that branch
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>814065
Jojo casts FIST
>>
>>814068
And so you punched a tree to death
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>814071
"Hey, lolisniffer, hows your family btw"
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>814071
Summon a orc monk who cast FIST too.
>>
>>814073
"Oh they're doing fine. Just got another skelly. Soon they'll populate my secret island country"
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>814076
>think of columbia
never knew you were a communist
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>814076
look behind, nobody is catching up, right?
>>
>>814077
"I am many things. Including secretly the patriarch of the acient Von Jewburner bloodline....I am also sometimes a liar"
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>814080
How far are we at, anyway
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>814080
what do you think about this race anyway, don't you get bored of being OP as fuck?
>>
>>814081
YYou can't tell, it's like the forest just goes one forever
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>814083
use rocket cast foot to jump above forest to see your location and location of other racersor can we make minigun jetpack out of stolen guns?
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>814083
toward the light billy
>>
>>814084
And so you did. But you just can't escape the darkness of the forest.
"Something's wrong here"
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>814088
Dickass thief stole the sun! That bastard?!
or you just under the curse of forest itself
think hard
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>814088
cast foot and fist everywhere randomly
>>
>>814091
Nothing happens
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>814095
light a match
>>
>>814096
Goddamn internet
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>814099
see anything?
>>
>>814100
The darkness and the forest stretches beyond what your eyes can see
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>814104
when in doubt
burn everything
>>
>>814106
Then you find out that your magic doesn't work.
"This isn't right." said Lolisniffer
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>814108
see your manual of
"When shit doesn't work"
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>814108
WHAT IS RIGHT THEN LOLISNIFFER
WHAT
HUH
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
>>
>>814110
"Well, obviously, when you can use your magic and we can get out of a run-of-the-mill spooky forest. But this, this...I suspect is the work of a rival necrom--hrk"
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>814115
who could it be?
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>814115
LOLISNIFFER?!?!?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>
>>814115
Listen closely to any strange noises and/or giggles in the distance
>>
>>814076
I love you Baby Bones!
>>
>>814118
Whoever they are, they're turning Lolisniffer against you
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>814123
quick use your necromancy to free him
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>814123
>gets controlled by some random necromancer
I never knew that Lolisniffer is such awuss
>>
>>814125
Almost there, you can feel your powers in there somewhere. but you're still under some kind of curse.
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>814131
Show him pics of your loli self and regain his memory
>>
>>814134
"hrrrrk....Jo...Jo...?.....Why do you carry around pics of your younger self?"
>>
>>814138
For these cases
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>814131
Grab Jojo and throw her at the shady Necromancer as hard as you can.
>>
>>814143
"I see...Hrrrk!...Getting harder...to resit the control....But I can sense who is...doing this...Another necromancer....magic...much more potent than yours....despite being a little girl...hrrrmm"
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>814146
it's gotta be that other little girl!
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>814146
Greg? Greg's mom?
>>
>>814148
"Neither....Greg, Or the Dark Mistress....are little girls....Quick! Use all your might to resist the curse!....Dispel the hold she has on us! I can't resist...for long"
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>814154
show him picture of younger self injapanese school swimsuit
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>814154
Dispell!
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>814154
Cast a magic bubble or some shit around him to block the control.
>>
>>814156
"The hell? When did this happen? Why are you wearing a japanese school swimsuit? Did Simon do this? "
>>
>>814160
Maybe
anyway you are not longer controlled then? took you long enough.
let's kick ass that necromancer wannabe fucker, I can get you few more rare photos if you do that quickly.
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>814160
Show him your whole collection of every character from the cast (including the other racers) in Japanese school swimsuits. It's a spell you can learn.
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>814160
Simone did.
>>
>>814163
"...this is not a healthy hobby, young lady"
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>814166
>implying yours hobbies are better
let's go whack that fucker necromancer already
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>814166
Give him an intense "rape" stare.
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>814168
show a closeup of your face with "rape eyes"
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>814172
hutry back to the race
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>814172
Aww, it's negated because of the sunglasses.
Anyways, back to the race. Tape a loli pic of you to lolisniffer's left eye for protection
>>
>>814173
"We still haven't escape the curse just yet! Quickly, Jojo! Concentrate! Unleash your angsty teenage powers to overpower the curse!"
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>814179
gawd fine, I'm on my period today anyways..
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>814179
Ugh.. FINE, freaking wuss, can't overcome mindcontrol, I need to do everything myself
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>814179
The world is a dark place, just like my soul.
You can't understand my pain.
>>
>>814181
"Hah?"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>814187
blood necromancy! a goooooooo
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>814187
Summon a dead fetus from your vagoo to protect you
>>
>>814189
Using the power of angst, you overpowered the illusion curse
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>814195
that necromancer messed with wrong people on wrong day
make it painful
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>814195
gross
>>
>>814197
"Agreed"
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>814198
Lets run!
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>814195
Direct your pillar of teenage angst towards the necromancer and strike
>>
>>814198
finish race
>>
>>814199
"Right, just hop on and--"
"AHA! FINALLY! ENJOY LAST PLACE, SUCKERS!"
>>
>>814206
Use teen angst to shove horned hat up Canon's anus
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>814206
Hijack them
>>
>>814208
"As you wish"
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>814213
cross the finish line
>>
>>814216
"We can still make it. The other racers are probably passing through the dragons right now. If we hurry we can catch up with them"
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>814223
Wait, I bet that little necro girl Fuckoff put the curse on us, the little brat. We must take revenge
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>814223
road runner it
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>814223
Necromanize the car to a more fitting aesthetic
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>814231
pull the necromancer' sword out, which you had cleverly stowed in loli's ribcage.
It's war time.
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>814231
hijack the next racecar
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>814237
use its power to go sanic fast to the dragons
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>814237
Try again, I remember it being bigger, like buster sword-size big, and it having more bones. And flames. More flames. Especially more spikes,too.
perhaps you shouldn't have stored multiple weapons in the pocket of space time that is loli's ribcage
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>814252
see how others are doing against the dragons
>>
>>814253
It's chaos here. Dragons and racers attacking eachother.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>814257
Let them kills the dragos for you so you can resurrect them to kill the racers
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>814265
Now to find that little bitch that cursed you
>>
>Barbarians last place again
is this intentional OP?
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>814278
Cast SkeleFist
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>814278
Use sword on skeledragons to increase their power
Sic em
>>
>>814284
The little girl summons an even bigger skeledragon to make quick work of yours
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>814286
Summon a little girl like her
**simone?**
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>814286
Fuck that! Period blood magic activate!
>>
>>814289
"Oh boy"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>814293
We now have a boneyblood dragon supreme
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>814293
Use period magic to summon Dr. President Trump, the most powerful being to resurrect within necromancy. Then sword him for buffs
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>814304
This dragon is now our vehicle. GTFO
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>814304
bone that bone head
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>814304
Sword it for buffs
Set swording to default
>>
>>814311
I like it
>>
I feel like nobody reads the post they're replying to
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>814326
Run them all down!
No racer is sparred
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>814326
Necro Breath!
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>814326
Sword buff Lolisniffer
Have him throw the whole skelly dragon at that bitch
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>814326
Briefly teach it necro using the telepathic link you have with all your summons
>>
>>814330
The Uber Dragon summoned by the lil Necromancer, now infused with Demonic Powers, blocks your dragons path
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>814341
We use the power of the audiences favor towards us to overpower this shitty dragon
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>814341
The dragon was just a distraction. Continue the race.
>>
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>814347
Where are we in placement?
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>814347
run faster
>>
>>814350
Currently fighting for first place
>>
>>814353
gotta go faster!
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>814353
Pull the cleverly stowed rocket-powered holy hand grenade out of lolisniffer's skull.
>>
>>814356
And so both girls told their drivers to go faster
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>814362
no even faster
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>814376
pew pew
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>814376
Lock on
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>814376
target lockit's actually itano circus amount of mini grenades inside of big one
>>
>>814378
Damnit, they're moving around too much
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>814385
Flip up the visor/crosshair thingie
Tell loli to get their relative speed to zero
Holy magic crit/super effectives necros
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>814385
just jump on their car and insert grenade in her mouth
>>
>>814386
"Get their speed to zero, got it"
>>
>>814395
Your dragon is kinda occupied right now
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>814399
fuck it just get to the finish line!
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>814399
Use period necromancy to buff Lolisniffer
>>
>>814401
"Aw man, really?"
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>814401
Sword him too; swording is default
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>814406
you are going to lose the race GET TO HE FINISH LINE
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>814406
Blood speed activate!
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>814413
How does the sword work? Can you use it more than once in a creature? Does it recharge?
Try using it two times on sniffer
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>814413
hrry to the finish line
>>
>>814420
So...close
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>814426
DROOPY SPEED!
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>814440
cross the finish line drifting so wide they won't be able to overtake you
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>814440
Launch the RPHHG backwards for a speed boost and to annihilate the competition
>>
>>814455
"Well, to drift as wide as possible, I'll have tohold your hand"
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>814458
agree.
but nobody should know about that.
ever.
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>814458hold hands then
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>814458
Do it
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>814469
Press A to win
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>814469lewd
>>
>>814473
>not doing a half A press
>>
>>814475
s-shit, is this okay? I mean, dude's married.
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>814481
it's pocked dimension, everything is allowed.because nobody will ever know
>>
>>814484
'cept for the fact that this whole race is being broadcasted to everyone in the universe
>>
>>814481
Wait, when is this in the timeline here?
Like, after villain 2?
What ever happened to shadowbride?
Is she at the skelehome making skeledinner for the skelekids?
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>814486
I'm sure they'll understand
it's all for the grand prizewhat is it, btw?
>>
>>814488
Yeah
>>
>>814491
Oh
>>
>>814489
Suddenly the announcers chimes in
"Look at that, Commander MysteryBox, they're gonna win another race. And if they manage to win 5, they'll get literally anything they wants"
"Anything? Commander Beard?"
"That's right folks, anything. See, the grand prize is a magical space magic wish granting genie lamp"
"Ah I see"
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>814498
and the winner is?
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>814498
and now coldgate commercial
>>
>>814499
you can't control NPCs
>>
>>814499
MEANWHILE, AT THE LOLISNIFFER RESIDENCE
"Ay yo mom don't break the TV"
"Yeah, we need it for video games"
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>814513
well now that we actually established that only way Lolisniffer stays alive is to win grand prize and wipe memory, let's get back to the race
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>814513
Meanwhile the Manling Rider who watched TV comment that he is a better racer than them.
>>
>>814511
Read it again, I never tried to control her
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>814518
"Well at least I know what I'm wishing for when we win."
Now roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 91, 22 = 113 (2d100)
>>814529
Maybe you'll be able to talk it over
>>
Rolled 5, 36 = 41 (2d100)
>>814529
>>
>>814531
"OH! WHAT A SURPRISE, FOLKS! THE TEAM OF NRFS AND FUCKOFF FIRED OFF A FINAL BLAST OF DRAGON FIRE AND FLEW RIGHT OVER THE WIDE DRIFT BLOCKADE OF THE JOJO AND LOLISNIFFER TEAM! THEY'VE WON THIS RACE!"
While you were caught holding hands with your brother-in-law
>>
Rolled 89, 100 = 189 (2d100)
>>814529
Roll so fast you teleport to an alternate reality where you held legs instead of hands so you don't have to waste your wish
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>814546
welp,
gotta really try hard to talk it over. maybe buy some flowers or something
good luck theresneak away quickly
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>814546
Well, time to suicide. It'll be less painful than the wrath of a woman scorned.
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>814546
cheaters!
aw how is cleric orc doing? did uncover any fowl play?
>>
>>814551
But why would you suicide, it's probably Lolisniffer who's in trouble.
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>814558
oh you know teenagers and their suicides
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>814558
give him good luck kiss
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>814558
Both of you are in trouble. You think she's gonna spare you? You're the one he was holding hands with.
>>
>>814561
But, uh, you're sisters
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>814564
you'll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiineprobably
>>
>>814564
hows orc clEric doing
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>814564
Isn't that even worse?
>>
>>814568
"Hmm, yes, probably"
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>814590
so, next race, or they don't have time for this now. gotta find excuses?
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>814590
MEAN WHILE AT THE LEGION OF DOOM
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>814590
MEANWHILE ON MARS
>>
>>814594
"Oh man, what'll happen to them now"
"Ooooh, maybe they'll run away together"
"...You're a sick fuck ya know that"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>814605
mean while at the hospital where demon paladin is recovering
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>814605
well they always can killdisqualifycurrent first place to win the race
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>814605
MEANWHILE, INSIDE GREG'S SKULL
>>
>>814607
"Orc Cleric, I...have a secret to tell you"
"What is it, brother?"
"You see,....I....have a hidden stash of wine under my bed that I partake of everynight."
"Oh"
"So before I got shot, I was constantly drunk, all the time"
"...."
"But thanks to my Demonic Holy constitution, it makes absolutely no difference"
>>
>>814625
then why do it?
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>814625
MEANWHILE IN THIS VERY THREAD
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>814625
cut to ColdGate commercial
>>
>>814630
"HEY YOU! DO YOU HAVE THE PROBLEM OF UNSHINY TEETH WHILE YOU'RE CRUSHING YOUR ENEMIES, SEEING THEM DRIV---hggh"
"And while you're sucking dick?! Guess what homosexual barbarians, your scheme's up. Your tube of semen that you dared to called "Toothpaste" will be a thing of the past. And when I say tube of semen I'm not exaggerating, you actually have an entire tube of semen as toothpaste, what the fuck is wrong with you degenerates?"
>>
>>814639
well I'm not buying hat brand any more
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>814639
I see other toothpaste brands getting creative to try to steal ColdGate thunder
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>814639
Quickly, maybe you can escape while everyone is distracted watching the commercials!
>>
>>814643
Soon Barbcorp lost profits rapidly and a wholesale investigation was launched against the company. It was then found out that Barbcorp actually fill the entire tube with semen to sastify their sick homosexual fantasies. The CEO was soon arrested, the entire Corp went under and all employees were also arrested
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>814651
Hemp elf spits out tooth paste in reaction to the image.
>>
>>814657
"bruh"
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>814666
Orc give no fuck while brushing his teeth.
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>814666
Meanwhile at the race, no one can find Jojo or loli
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>814666
well that's what they get
for being jizz guzzlers
>>
>>814673
Meanwhile, you got a day to rest and mess around before the next race
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>814682
oh so orc cleric isn't back yet ok, play a guitar
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>814682
Upgrade rewarded: LoliFug
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>814682
>day to rest
Well, you can't return to your brother-in-law's house, that's for sure.
Or can you?
How far aways is the LoD?
>>
>>814683
And so you played the acoustics version of Linkin Parks entire discography, because like, nobody can understand your pain. It's like, totally deep n stuff.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>814713
if I wanted to hear a dyke playing an instraments I would have voted for clinton! play some fucking manawar!
>>
>>
>>814719
The hell's a manawar
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>814725
it's a new single by metal wizard
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>814725
Combine guitar with vehicle.
Wear vehicle as exoskeleton
>>
>>814727
Metal Wizard's dead.
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>814735
naw hes hiding out in Mexico with 2puk.
Why is he still sending out singles?
>>
>>814737
"Pleease, those are obviously corporate made copycat singles. The sound just doesn't sound like the old, golden-age metal wizard"
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>814748
you fool, you have to listen to the lyrics, and play it backwards and be on methamphetamines
>>
>>814753
"And then they sound like the shitty period when Metal Wizard was trying out all the failed experimental stuff. Face it, Metal Wizard peaked in the medieval age"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>814762
man he was better in the bronze age when he didn't go all pop music on us, fuck you man
>>
>>814770
"Pffft, sure. That was when he was the MOST pop. But that's what I expected from a little girl like you"
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>814793
fuck you old man, you lost your taste along with your tongue.
>>
>>814800
"And you haven't even developed your taste...like your -ahem- nevermind"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>814805
guitar solo over his head
>>
>>814809
And now, since there's literally only one other person here. It's time to put this on hold.
>>
>>814819
ok see you later
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>814819
Dance monkey
>>
herro
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>814819
punch self in face
>>
>>814871
>>822601
And so you punched yourself in the face while doing the monkey
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>822605
Mingle with other racers
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>822605
how is orc cleric doing
>>
>>822616
Which one?
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>822630
NRFS and fuckoff
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>822630
gUn face him and loli sniffer might have something in common since both their skulls are used ro shoot things
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>822630
Bonelot
Skellies should stick together. Apologise for stolen guns
>>
>>822639
You decided to pay Wesson,Smith - the drifter with a gun for a face, a visit. Currently he's feeding his sandworm
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>822655
unload the bullets from his chamber
>>
>>822657
"Ey, hands off"
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>822663
cast foot then
>>
>>822667
He drifts away
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>822671
ask for some eurobeat music
>>
Damnit NAP I was on my way to the LGS to play some MtG, you guys better still be here after 5 hours or so.
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>822671
challenge him to a duel
>>
>>822673
"EURObeat? Sorry but I am an American and have no need for such gay things. Goodbye"
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>822684
meet super robot pilot next
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>822684
how can you drift then?
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>822694
offer to buy his robot off him
>>
>>822697
"Why?"
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>822700
So you can use those money to get a better robotand help me win the race
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>822700
if you have actual money, you could buy a robot that's not outtabudgetto
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>822700
because then you could by a better one
>>
>>822703
"I don't actually buy my robots. I'm given new ones when I reach the mid-season point"
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>822711
bribe him to take out other racers for us
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>822711
why settle on outtabudgeto then?
>>
>>822715
"And why should I accept? -cough-whatsyeroffering -cough- excuse me"
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>822721
offer to upgrade outtabudgetto to "come on now" with Simon's help
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>822721
raise eyebrow
>>
>>822725
"pssst, in case you haven't noticed. We couldn't contact anybody since we got here. How are you gonna get Simon to help"
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>822731
forget simon then, call him a weeaboo over TV
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>822731
through act of warp manipulation
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>822731
offer him lolisniffer pants, those with flames.
>>
>>822735
"Flame pants....."
Since we're slow as butt now, should I increase the reply window to 2 minutes instead of 1? Or 3?
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>822745
sure
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>822745
Do the selling pitch.3 minutes seem alright
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>822745
do it
>>
>>822752
"And what is this "it" you speak of"
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>822756
selling pitch
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>822756
the whammies
>>
>>822760
You begin to pitch to him the awesomeness that is Lolisniffers flame pants, with its sick flame details that would increase the wearers speed and fashionable-ness
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>822769
only for the low low price of selling us your robot
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>822769
now you help us get our final win you can have these pants
>>
>>822772
"Then no"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>822776
hold his robot hostage until he agrees
>>
>>822776
use your femine wiles to convince him
>>
>>822777
Ohs hit it's escaping
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>822780
cast a barrage of foot and fist to where it's going to be
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>822779
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>822788
this can go on for a while let's see how our first choice of heroes are doing
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>822788
well damn
all of our sabotaging was a waste
let's just start the next race
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>822788
diplomatic doesn't work, just mess with other racers vehicles
>>
>>822789
Currently having amedical checkup
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>822797
is it orc-cancer?
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>822797
is it orc hemeriods?
>>
>>822799
"It's a rare strain of Orc genetic disease: SuperCancerHemorrhoids"
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>822801
sabotage Fuckoff's vehicle
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>822801
eh, he'll be fiiiine
back to race,
steal dickass ride
>>
>>822805
You've still got a day to mess with the other racers, so you've decided to go and steal the Dickass Thief's car. But you can't find it anywhere.
"Trying to steal from a thief? Hah, nice try"
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>822806
break 4th wall and find it
>>
>>822808
Damnit, it's not here either
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>822809
probably in his pocket dimension
fucking cheater
>>
>>822812
"Yeah, he must have stolen his own car so he can put it in his inventory"
"NO I DIDN'T, YOU HAVE NO PROOF!"
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>822819
then show proof that you didn't do that
>>
>>822821
Their quarters is being protected by a seemingly impenetrable wall of bones
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>822831
any thing can be penetrated...
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>822831
dig under it, stupid
>>
>>822832
Your choice of words amuses Lolisniffer
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>822835
yes, you can
use lolisniffer as lockpick
"I have a bone to pick with you!"
>>
>>822835
open it with nevromancy
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>822847
words are useless
use dig
>>
>>822850
"Why? You already amde a hole in the wall"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>822851
ah, well let's steal us a car
>>
>>822854
Currently it's being guarded by demon skeletons
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>822858
necromise them to our side
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>822858
bribe them with bone porn
>>
>>822863
It's no use. Fuckoffs hold is stronger than yours.
If this keeps up you're gonna get the Angst debuff due to nothing going your way
>>
>>822868
keep going then till angst buff sets in, while thinking it's not far I'm stronger
>>
>>822869
"Meh, seen it. The winter issue is much better"
"...why were you carrying that around?"
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>822875
fine
let's use Texas' stash
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>822875
fuck you
>>
>>822878
"Calm down there, girl"
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>822880
Bribe using Greg's cookies
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>822880
no fuck you you fucking faggot, you asshole dashing rythim fucking trap faggot
>>
>>822882
"Hmmm, tasty"
Angst calming down a bit, things seems to be going well
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>822886
steal EVERYTHING from car you can carry
>>
>>822889
"Why not the whole car then?"
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>822891
to add to the insult.
it's not like we'll be using car itself anyway
>>
>>822896
"Very well then"
And so you took the engine, the tires, the seat and the cup holder
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>822898
Upgrade Lolisniffer will all that, to make yourself more comfortable during the raceHELLO?IS ANYONE THEREAM I ALL ALONEthreads during day very light on anons
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>822898
Montage of assembly of those parts.
>>
>>822901
It was 1am when this started. It is almost 6am now. I only woke up hah.
>>
>>822904it's day for me and my vietnamese friend OP, we are in same timezone, almost
>>
>>822906
I'm here in and out trying to play hyper light drifter. man fuck this game and it's dash mechanic, even got the cloak to make it easeir, but no still a pain in the ass.
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>822913
add a sound system
>>
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>822921
Bend Lolisniffer over like a bitch and get some forward wheels
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>822921
how big of a speed boost we got?
reattach wheels to feet so we can skate
>>
>>822922
"You'll fall, ya know"
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>822925
Not if i put the subwoofer and engine on yet butt
>>
>>
>>822927
"Uh huh. Then maybe I should just discard all this crap and just carry you during the race."
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>822932
at least test it first
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>822932
Entice him with your loli schoolgirl photos
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>822932
No, I'm helping.
add wheels to foot for skating and test it speed.
>>
>>822934
"Man, you used to be so nice."
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>822936
man, you cray and shit
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>822936
Embrace skull with hug
"You used to be fuuuun"
>>
>>822938
"must...resist...feminine wiles..."
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>822941
Smoooooooch
On cheek
>>
>>822944
We are playing Jojo
>>
>>822944
"p-please, you're my sister-in-law"
>>
>>
Rolled 99, 71 = 170 (2d100)
>>822946
Rolling for lewd offscreen "convincing"
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>822948
Lolisniffer tries to resist, let's see how he does
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>822950
Let's have some FUN before the race then, shall we?
>>
>>822952
"Aw man, I sure nothing's scandalous happening, cuz my camera's on the fritz"
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>822955
They had a good "bone"
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>822955
aw common I'm eating here
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>822955
Fully refreshed, time for a race on next day's morning.
>>
>>822956
Lolisniffer then stares at himself in the mirror, reflecting on the sin he committed
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>822962
oh come on, you just played Mario Kart all night long, stop thinking badly about yourself for playing kids game
Well and watched Saylor Sun anime. Happens
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>822962
Now he has to agree to the bargain of being on all fours, engine and subwoofer on butt as Jojo rides in style.
>>
>>822963
"I mean, that anime was complete shit. Why would someone make such a thing"
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>822966
you still had fun tho, don't lie to yourself - whisper gently into his ear.
>>
>>822967
"Dunno, then ending was pretty bullshit"
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>822970
that how this stuff works
the more bullshit ending is the more sucked in you are into this hole of never ending medialike god eating main protagonist
>>
>>822975
"That sounds dumb as hell. Besides, when anything has a shit ending I just stop paying attention to it and subsequen media relating to it. Anyway, it's your bedtime, young lady. C'mon now"
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>822979
you mean it's OUR bedtime, right, handsome?
>>
>>822980
"Well yes, only makes sense that I'd go to sleep when you do. what else would I be doing"
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>822983
to the bed!
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>822983
sleeping alongside me, as cuddle toy
>>
>>822985
Yep, that's a bed.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>822989
the only one in this hotel room, I may add
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>822989
lollisniffer doesn't sleep... does he?
>>
>>822990
"Yes, how suspiciously convenient"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>822995
as if I'd did something stupid like tossing the other bed out the window just to be able tocuddle youin sleep
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>822995
it's a bomb!
>>
>>822996
[Skeleton Stare of Suspicion]
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>823000
now hop in the bed, don't be shy
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>823003
but lollisniffer needs to be drugged right
>>
>>823003
ask him toread a story from a book like in old times
>>
>>823004
"wait what"
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>823007
you know for a ... boner?!
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>823007
"Nothing-nothing! Just drink this glass of totally not roofied milk, please. You need calcium for strong and healthy bones!"
>>
>>823010
"Right, lemme jsut take a seat next to the bed...there. Now, which story..."
>>
>>823012
The Ninjabread Man
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>823012
man with no game story
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>823012
One about poak buns and handsome skeletons
>>
>>823018
"Ok. Once upon a time, there was a skeleton on is way to the poak bun store. He was also super handsome"
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>823021
>continue
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>823021
listen earneastely
>>
>>823024
"But then, a bandit appears"
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>823029
Zzzzzzz
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>823029
JJ: "And you persuaded him to retreat in Queen's English, right?"
>>
>>823031
Indeed he did
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>823039
"So there were no other hindrances on the way to the store?"
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>823039
ask to describe handsomeness of a skeleton in juicy details
>>
>>823042
There were some people fighting eachother but they're unimportant
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>823045
did they fought in asaltpit?
>>
>>823047
"Well, uh, I dunno....hmmm, good facial structure, I guess. Strong bones. A chiseled jawline, I supposed."
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)
>>823049
"You must have had a lot of haters and admirers back in the day, huh?"
>>
>>823051
"aaaaaanyway, the skeleton reached the poak bun store."
>>
>>823052
did he bought buns?
>>
>>823053
"Yes, he bought a poak bun, but, then..."
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>823054
OH SHIET!
IT WASN'T NO POAK BUN!
IT WAS A SKELETON EGG!
Yeah, that's how skeletons are actually born.
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>823054
"Theeen?"
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>823054
get ready to GASP
>>
>>823056"A PALADIN POPPED OUT"
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>823059
"OH NOES"
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>823059
GASP
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>823059
But then the skeleton realized...
HE WAS THE PALADIN!
>>
>>823061
"The End"
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>823068
What a shitty story.
ANOTHER ONE!
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>823068
And now you're too spooked to sleep, wat do?
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>823068
now you are really scared of sleeping alone and want tocuddleLolisniffer at night
>>
>>823069
"Very well, once upon a time, there was...some guy"
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>823073
Did that guy DRIFT?
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>823073
He wasn't just some guy, though.
He was BELPHAGOR, THIRD IN LINE FOR THE THRONE OF DARKNESS, DEMON OF BLOODSHED AND RIUTHLESS WARFARE.
Also known as Bart.
>>
>>823078
"Yeah sure let's go with that. Then Bart met a friend"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>823080
What was the friend's name?
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>823080
did that other guy DRIFT?
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>823080
He was LURKAGNORFETH, SERVANT OF THE DAMNED, MERCHANT OF SOUL, DEMON OF LIES AND TRICKERY.
He sold demonic meth.
Real quality meth, too.
Made from the ashes of the dead.
>>
>>823081
"Alstaroth, Great Duke of Hell, seducer of the lazy, commander of 40.5 legions of the damned, stealer of sandwiches and terrible Smash player. But Bart jsut calls him Al"
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>823086
"Al Wright? I may know him."
>>
>>823087
"anyway, Al asked Bart if he wants to come over and play some video games"
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>823090
"Vidya gaymes! I'mma call Al RIGHT NOW!"
>>
>>823093
"But then, Al was sadly killed in a tragic traffic accident"
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>823094
BUT HIS SOUL LIVED ON, SLAUGHTERING THE DAMNED SOULS IN HELL FOR AGES TO COME!
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>823094
Zzzzzzzz
>>
>>823097
"Hmm?.....Oh good, she's asleep"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>823099
"Now call Al, you haven't had a talk since his reanimation"
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>823099
I WAS MERELY PRETENDING
SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH
>>
>>823101
"And also apparently sleeptalking too"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>823104
keep sleeping, important race tomorrowwhich totally will not be interrupted by lolisniffer's wife
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>823104
"No brah I'm serious, he needs someone to talk to since his pupper passed away"
>>
>>823106
"Yeah sure okay, sleep tight, Jojo. Don't let the bed paladins purge"
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>823107
next morning:
that was the hell of an intermission I gotta say
it's like we are favorites or something
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>823107
LS: "Damn, he may need some company"
>>
>>823111
"Stop putting words in my mouth. Aren't you asleep already?"
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>823112
"Whatever you say, tsun-tsun"
>>
>>823116
"Now where's that milk.."
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>823117
Demand breakfast right in the bed
Top class breakfast I may add, for a growing lady like yourself
>>
>>823122
"Yes, I gotcha....A single slice of bread and a glass of water. Hah!"
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>823126
reverse to your edgy teen self and demand harder
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>823126
"I meant an omelet, you bozo. Fuck, I'll make it myself"
>>
>>823128
"Calm down, your highness. I was just joking. What else do you want?"
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>823132
MEAT
A LOT OF MEAT
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>823132
You*Suggestive winking*
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>823132
OJ
>>
>>823137
"Right"
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>823139
Thanks man!
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>823139
AND MEAT
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>823139
...and yourbone
>>
>>823143
"Sure, some bacon, too"
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>823145
some, pfft, MORE BACON
MOST BACON
ONLY BACON
BAAAAAAAACOOOOOOOOOOOON
>>
>>823146
"Eat too much and you'll be too full to race properly"
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>823147
>implying I'll do the running
>>
>>823149
"Fair point. Just don't complain to me when you're too full to even do anything"
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>823151
I'm growing lady, this much is alright
>>
>>823152
"Right, here you go, princess. An omelete with bacon. So much bacon. And some OJ"
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>823157
Kiss!On a cheek
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>823157
Aaaaaaand it's gone
burp
>>
>>823162
"Yeah, that's what they all say."
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>823165
But, nonetheless...
I still hunger...
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>823165
ask for packed lunch for the race, cause you feel it wasn't enough
>>
>>823165
hey we're still going, I can probably post for like an hour or so so hopefully thread still alive
Anyway, skip to day of the race.
>>
>>823168
"Right, so. The good ol' paper bag, the patriotic lunch box or the weeaboo box?"
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>823171
mystery box
>>
>>823171
THE MYSTERY BOX!
Yeah, we just use the mystery box as a lunchbag
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>823173
Fug, forgot dice.
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>823171
Patriot Box!
>>
>>823175
"Right, time to pack it full of burgers then"
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>823176
won't they all fall into pieces during the bumpy race?
>>
>>823178
"That's why I packed it real tight. Locked up the box real good....and used bacon to tie down the burgers"
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>823181
Not enough bacon. Tie it gooder!
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>823181
You really know what to say to get me in the mood.
Now, off to the race!
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>823181
>used bacon to tie down the burgers"
GENIUS
Give this skeleton an award
>>
>>823183
Right let's get to the track...and here it comes. You're too full to move!
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>823187
rent a limousine then
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>823187
Pick me up and run me over there already!
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>823193
Puke. You had too much grease!
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>823193
hidden agenda plan : success
kyun kyun
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>823201
Shake our head wildly.
"Simone did this!"
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>823201
>*smirk*
anyway - onto starting line. what course we have today?
>>
Rolled 1875780 (1d9999999)
>>823205
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3HcfmPAxCY
>>
>>823208
That is hardly racing music, Solid
>>
>>823205
Today the racers will face off in the City. While it's being attacked by a giant monster.
>>
>>823209
Becausethe only music that's suitable, is this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>823211
Also racist police officers.
>>
>>
>>823212
I am inclined to agree as this made me laugh out loud.
>>
>>823215
You're so transparent you're almost invisible
>>
>>823215
And the track has a mountain portion
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>823220
Racist. Cops.
Pls
>>
>>
>>823224
That's City 2. This track is City 1
>>
>>823229
Also, roboannouncer lost his keys. Anyone who finds them gets a sweet powerup after the race, even if they lose.
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>823229
what actual track looks like?
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>823229
Hookers are on the streets. Hit them and win caaaaaaash
>>
>>823238
Indeed, on the streets are things that will hook you and make you lose speed. But you can gain cash if you maange to destroy them instead. Racers will start from the top of the mountain path, race downwards, get past the monster and not get arrested by the police to get to the finish line
>>
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>823243thanks for your consideration
Lets get to the line!
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>823253
Lookin' gooooood~~~<3
Back to starting line
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>823253
fashinable
now don't forget all those upgrades we get recently.
with audio-system intact
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>823253
Look at competition
>>
>>823262
Well looks like somebody managed to find replacement parts.
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>823265
I'LL TRASH YOUR NEW SHINY CAR IN NO TIME YOU BITCH
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>823265
We will just steal their shit during the race. No worries
>>
>>823269
"There there, calm down"
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>823280
We did plant a bomb on their car in the case they got spare parts right?
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>823280
spit on the ground in disgust
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>823280
Have a snack
>>
>>823281
"Uh, yeah. Probably"
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>823288
you know what will happen if they won't blow up, right?Or should I tell that hand holding wasn't everything what happened?
>>
>>823288
Lolisniffer....
Glare menacingly
>>
>>823292
"Whaaaaat, all we did was play video games and watch shitty anime"
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>823299
yeah, and I'll tell Simon that you LIKED THAT ANIME
ESPECIALLY that part when girls where transforming
>>
>>823309
"Well, those parts I actually did like."
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>823314
Lets get start-...
Did Canon already leave the starting line?!?!
>>
>>
>>823318
"No I didn't. I'm not from of those dumbass tribes that knows no honor and only throwing rocks"
>>
>>823323
Then what's your tribe about?
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>823323
does your parallel dimensionwhere all your tribe got murderedhas proper ColdGate, Canon?
>>
>>823328
"What parallel dimension?"
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>823331
one where barbarians don't suck
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>823331
Those commercials said your toothepaste is semen
>>
>>823334
"What's a commercial"
>>
>>823338
Barbarian ineptitude at work
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>823340
Right then. Jojo casts fist on him
>>
>>823343
"Ah f--"
Canon is unable to compete this round. The race is to be put on hold until a replacement is found.
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>823345
A replacement, you say?
Maybe another barbarian...
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>823345
Pope Holy Bones and Pallybones will compete
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>823345
thankfully barbarians are piss easy to replace
sasuga canon fodder
>>
>>823348
"Well shouldn't be too hard to replace a barbarian, right?"
"Weeelllll.....somewhat competent barbarians are...a rarity, to say the least. That was one of the better ones"
"Shit, what are we gonna replace him with?"
"Well, there's one that may work"
"Perfect, warp him in"
"Right, I'll bring 'er in"
>>
>>823358
B...b...barbmom?
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>823358
... Mother in her early days?
>>
>>823364
"ah crap"
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>823373
hide behind Lolisniffer and pretend you are not here.
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>823373
Her power level seems to be thru the roof... and her power feels familiar.
>>
>>823376
"Greetings....skeleton"
"Uh, hi. Ma'am"
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>823402
keep hiding
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
Nodded off. Whoops
>>823402
Peek out
>>
>>823405
"I hope we can...compete fair and square."
"...me too. Mistr--I ah mean, Ma'am"
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>823419
can't mess with space-time continuum, so keep hiding.
hopefully we won't run into her during the race so nothing dramatic will happen
>>
>>823420
"Don't worry. It's not like she's your mom or something. She's Gregs..."
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>823434
peek out then, say hiI got confused by family tree, sorry
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>823449
Well she should be significantly more competent than the last barbarian
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>823449
act polite, first impression is really important.
>>
>>823453
"Ah, good girl. Now, I hope you can go easy on me, right...skeleton? Since you're so good and all"
"Uh..."
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>823474
going easy on you would be disrespectful for his pride as gentleman, Ma'am.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>823474
I like your hair
>>
>>823481
"Oh? THen I better watch out and not hold back myself, then"
"Ahaha, okay sure"
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>823491
after those totally not awkward moments - back to the race.good luck with thread, I'm out for today.
>>
>>823501
The race's about t start
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>823519
3!
2!
1!
BANG!
Oh, that was just Wesson Smith...
>>
>>823526
This has been a public service announcement.And since there's barely anyone left, maybe we can end it here and save the actual racing for next thread?
>>
>>823543
Yes, i think that would be a good idea.
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>823543
Up to you
>>
>>
>>823577
Whoops, forgot pic
>>
I have never thought that I would actually be happy to be back to my Australian internet
my hotels wifi only worked for like 3 days total out of the 10 days I was there
But Vietnam was alright but I think I will never go there again, 10 days was just a little too much.
>>
>>825356
Cool. Did you get swindled into buying anything.
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>826040
what cool shit is sold there?
>>
>>826125
Various things ranging from traditionally handmade knick knacks and souvenirs to traditional food. Problem is 9 times outta 10 the happy merchants will always try to swindle foreigners
>>
>>826183
>Problem is 9 times outta 10 the happy merchants will always try to swindle foreigners
isn't that kinda normal everywhere?
>>
>>826219
Yes, which is why everybody needs to watch out for happy merchants.
>>
>>826250
I don't have any money left anyway for those happy merchants
moving is evil, I don't wanna be adult with responsibilitiespaycheck is more than a week late too.
>>
>>826311
>paycheck is more than a week late
The happy merchants have already started
>>
>>826400
more like happy tax evading employer in a middle of bank changing.
>>
>>
>>827062
Aight
>>
>>827079
I will say one thing
I did not like the food there at all
After the first two days I decided fuck Vietnamese food and from there and had McDonalds almost exclusively for the rest of my stay there.
and Vietnamese McDonalds> Australian McDonalds
>>
>>827085
What did you eat? The Viet food, i mean.
>>
>>827123
I don't remember what it was called
>>
>>827303
Do you remember what it looked like
>>
>>827360
not really most Asian food looks exactly the same to me
Though I do remember one thing that was like a pastry bun type thing with some sort of mystery meat in the middle
it was the only thing I really enjoyed
>>
>>827487
you need some BORSCH in your life
>>
>>827487
Ah. The poak bun
>>
>>827487
Yeah that's the poak bun. The mystery meat is most likely a combination of pig and mushrooms. Also there might have been a penis in there, probably.
>>
>>827487
Did you try the noodles?
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