The do it for Free: A moderator quest.

>>72
>breakfast
You need your intake of dew and hotpockets.

Breakfast.

>>72
Ready my raid bucket and piss bottle.

>>72
>suggest to make a board for quests and quests only

You start the day with with your hotpockets. People would eat them warm, but you have grown inured to the heat. You prefer the flavor of it cold.

Your small repast over, you see if you have anything to do
>ready your poopsock and piss bottle
>an hero
>get to browsing /v/

Anonymous ## Mod 2016-04-27 22:57:36 Post No.137
[Report]

Anonymous ## Mod 2016-04-27 22:57:36 Post No.137 [Report]

>>130
>People would eat them warm, but you have grown inured to the heat. You prefer the flavor of it cold.
Completely broke my immersion. 0/10.

>>72
>Get on /m/ and do my fucking job jesus fuck the mods there are shit

You beat me to the punch, OP. Good on you. I'm HotpocketQM.

>>130
Ready your poopsock and piss bottle

>>130
>ready your poopsock and piss bottle

>>130
>an hero

>>72
Decide instead of moderating /v/ go to a new board I've never visited before /tg/.

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>138
attempt to fish out the showa troll and ban him

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>>137

you guys are alright

>>72
>delete Spooky

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>130
>Browse /v/ with the power of thousand autists

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Live long and remember, anons

>>139
>>144
You grab the freshly laundered socks and ruin their elastics. This allows you to poop in them comfortably. You then grab the nearest bottle of empty Mountain Dew (tm) and place it squarely between your thighs. Long hours of training have rendered you able to pee directly into it. Lesser mortals would be awed at this, but you are a moderator. You scoff over lowlifes such as them

>begin browsing /v/
>an hero

>>137
I don't know, you seem to be the expert there.
its just a joke bro.

>>137
nice

>>173
WHAT IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE
SPOOKY STRONK

>>130
Decide instead of moderating /v/ to go to a new board I've never visited before /tg/.

>>182
>an hero

>>182
Browse.

Browse and come up with some stupid ploy to rise the spirit of the board. Create /v/2.0

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>>179

>>137
kek

>>182
browse /v/, too poor to afford a rope

>>137
My condolences for this atrocity of a board.

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You start browsing /v/
The first thing you notice that a lot of the board is overtaken by discussions about consoles and their capabilities. You assume that /v/ would like a dedicated board to discuss the minute details of hardware, while completely forgetting /g/

>create a new board for /v/
>browse the other board, /tg/

So, now that there is a new board, we're going to need a board-tan.

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>233
>create a new board for /v/

>>233
>browse the other board, /tg/

>>233
>Other
Start banning people who are clearly shilling for xbone

>>233
>browse the other board, /tg/

>>182
I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with how you are representing mods, DeepDarkQM. I feel that you are portraying them in too positive a light.

Also,
>begin browsing /v/

>>137
Fuck off you fucktard.

Rolled 1, 9 = 10 (2d9)

>create a new board for /v/

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>233
this >>241

>>233
>create a new board for /v/

>>234

I don't know how they'd be, but I kind of want them to have a "Make XXXX Great Again" hat.

>>238
The rolls have spoken. Spending an hour with your crack team of janitors and undercover shitposters, you have decided to observe /v/ for a time. Apparently, summer causes a lot of younger children to browse /v/. You only hope that in time, they will mellow out and browse other boards.

The rules for /con/ are simple, you cannot decide your first rule.

Pick one
>all technical details belong there
>pepes are banned
>wojacks are heavily moderated
>write in

>>283
>pepes are banned

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>283
KILL! KILL FROGPOSTER!

>>283

>>pepes are banned

>>283
>write in
all repeating digits are replaced with a random image of check'em

>>233
Let's see what /tg/ is doing

>>297
we are way past that m8

>>283
>write in
An hero

>>283
>pepes are banned

>>283
>pepes are banned

>>283
Create a board exclusivly for pepes and heavily restrict it.

>>289
>>291
>>294
(A kind reminder to roll only when I ask for it. Thank you)

The frogposting is getting out of hand. You decide that pepes are to be banned outright. This will allow people to actually focus on the written part of the post instead of being mesmerized by smug frogs.

While you shed tears as you make that post, you know that in the long run, it will make /con/ great again.

>rule 2

>ban dubs
>restrict wojacks
>write in

Rolled 3 (1d20)

Gonna try and flex my muscles and ban some kiddies from /b/

>>283
>write in: help neckbeards adjust to change by spiderman threading an incest thread on /b/

>>346
"No Wojack Edits allowed, this unfunny meme has gotten on my nerves for far too long"

>>346
>ban dubs

>>346
>ban dubs
bring back the XXXs

>>346
>>restrict wojacks

>>346
>restrict wojacks

>>365
"Keep it to the original Sad Man face or you can expect a ban untill you learn to behave yourselves. You have been warned."

>>346
>ban dubs

>>346
dice+1d20
bomb the thread with spider man.

>>346
>>restrict wojacks
LEAVE DUBS ALONE

>>399
Mad cus b&

>>399
>99
MODS!!!

>>346

>>ban dubs

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>394
fucking whoops.

The next thing on your list is the banning of the pictures of the bald 'feels guy.' All it does is make you feel uncomfortable. Some of the most tasteful ones are rather good. they are high quality content and can stay in your board. Even the original, with the sad face can stay.
The weeping ones are cancer and increase shitposting. You will be handing a 24 hour ban if anyone posts the wojacks wearing console hats.

>>358
its like peeing into an ocean. A brave effort but futile.

>>346
>ban dubs

>>413
do we just kill ourself now?

Now that it is done, you decide what else you can ban to feed your overinflated ego

>ban golden smiley faces that say 'Never ever'
>ban dubs.

>>399
mod, this man is triggering me delete it pls

>>346
>write in: make /con/ a honeytrap - ban everyone who posts on it after a month

>>430
Ban dubs, encourage golden faces.

>>430
You cannot fight dubs.

>>430
Fuck it just ban all images.

>>430
>ban bans

Rolled 2 (1d3)

>>458
This. Turn it to a textboard.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>449
2nding encouraging g-face

>>430
>ban dubs

>>233
>(write-in) delete the thread about gaming journalism corruption that poses as a MGS2 thread
>browse the other board, /tg/

>>137
Leet post boys

Rolled 3 (1d3)

>>450
You have determined with great pain to yourself that you cannot fight repeating digits. They are as part of the board as you are. They are you and you are them. It will hurt you greatly, but /con/ is a high quality content board and will be banning dubs. They are too easy to attain for children and will corrupt them.

>>481
While you do so, you are disgusted with a discussion about mgs2 that turns away from a thread of quiet's feet into a discussion about the dreaded gamegambling ring
You delete the thread and ban the faggots. They will not be missed.


>create a sticky on con
>ask hiroshimoot for a general announcement
>just create the board anyway.

>>501

>just create the board anyway.

>>501
>create a sticky on con

>>501
>just create the board anyway.

Fuck thinking things through.

>>501
>Just create the board anyway

Fuck listening to the users

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>>501
I'm disappointed in you.
>just create the board anyway

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>501
>create board anyway, but never post images, fuck immersion.

There is no need for a sticky or to talk to hiroshimoot sama. He must be busy maintaining the servers, and a sticky adds a lot of useless discussion and mudslinging that you think you can do without.

Clutching your piss bottle, you finalize all the parameters of the board. This is it, the press of enter, and /con/ will be born

>press enter, give birth and feel like a mother
>don't, there will be no going back from this.

>>501
>>just create the board anyway.

>>541
>>press enter, give birth and feel like a mother

>>541
>>538
just do it, it's not like Dr. Frankenstein regretted his child-creation-abomination anyway right?

>>541

>>>press enter, give birth and feel like a mother

>>541

>press enter, give birth and feel like a mother

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>>541
Just do it. Do it for free.

>muh first 3 digit post

You take in a deep breath, and press the big button.

As the electrons flow through the computer and process your command, your penis stiffens. You can feel it in your loins, you are making something greater than yourself. Maybe this is what your mother felt like when she birthed you.

You blink, and there you see, before your eyes. A new board /con/ - console discussion

As you put the thread in place and sticky it, you wonder, what sort of picture would grace the first thread of this board, the one that will define it?

>picture of a cat
>picture of a golden smiling face
>picture of an australian
>write in.

>>628

>>picture of an australian

>>628
>A picture of our dick to show dominance

>>628
>>picture of a golden smiling face

>>628
>>picture of an australian
YES

>>137
why did you ban that Heaven faggot?

>>628
Ausfag.

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>Go to /jp/
>Ban everyone

>>628
>A picture of a fat neckbeard, imply this is what posters who don't like your board look like.

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>>628
Picture of an Australian

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>>628
Pic related

>>628
As an Ausfag I humbly endorse
>picture of an australian
seriously i come to 4chan to escape the government with their stupid decisions. only to find they're the fucking mods.

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After careful deliberations, you choose to bow down to the ultimate power on 4chan. You rose through the ranks of /int/, borne on the wings of dangerous shitposting done by the banterific denizens of oceania. What better way to stay true to your online roots than to have an australian rattlesnake as your image.
>pic related

Now that your great work is done, and you have left a legacy that will stand the test of time what do you do.
>go back to moderating /v/
>visit this active board /pol/
1d20 to roll success. I will take the lowest score.

>>738
visit /pol/

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>738
>visit this active board /pol/

>>738

>>visit this active board /pol/

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>738
Visit /pol/. Find some rare flags.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>738
>>visit this active board /pol/

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>738
>/pol/

ah fuck, visit /pol/

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>773
dear god, this post delay is killing me.

>>738
/pol/

>rolled 3: navigation fail.

Excited to see what else is happening in the world, you quickly type in the address
>boards.4chan.org/po/catalog
on your address bar. You are shocked at what you see. Endless rows and rows of paper models stick out, staring at you with blank faces that scare the shit out of you.
What has happened to your beloved board that was unafraid to break the news of the global jewish conspiracy and had pictures of choice girls being ravaged by ebony shlongs?

>contact hiroshimoot
>contact the janitors

>>824
>>contact hiroshimoot

>>824
>ban everyone on /ck/, this offence will not stand

>>824
>contact hiroshimoot
Make another board for papercraft and origami so that /pol/ can get back to its true purpose

>>824
Contact both and start posting my own antisemitic threads in the mean time.

>>824

We fixed /v/ alone, we can save our beloved /pol/ on our own as well.

>>824
People who don't post on /po/ remember that it exists?

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>>824
Contact hiroshimoot and post some origami, before you get in touch with him.

>>824
Ban them! Ban them all!

A blind panic seizes you for a moment. The light of /pol/ is gone from the world. Without it's illuminating gaze, the white race will be destroyed under the foot of the jew. You must stop this.

Quickly, you open ms outlook and begin typing an email to Hiroshimoot at <redacted> Even as you do so, you watch the small threads of paper men, get bumped by the hordes of jews. You can hear them rubbing their hands with glee and cackling in a hebrew manner. You must be quick.

You finish writing the email to hiroshimoot, and you only have to write a subject for it.

>/pol/ has been abolished, wat do
>/pol/ is filled with the paper jew
>write in

>>874
its a joke. people sometimes misclick on /po/ or post the latest jewish conspiracy there.

>>925
I decry the evils of the paper jew to Hirosimoot

>>925
>/pol/ is filled with the paper jew

>>925
>/pol/ is filled with the paper jew

Also a long winded explanation of how the paper jew is responsible for everything bad that has ever happened in my life.

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>>925
>/pol/ is filled with the paper jew

>>925
>/pol/ is filled with the paper jew

You type in

>/pol/ is filled with the paper jew

In the subject box and send the email, urging it on. Soon you shall cleanse /pol/ of the semite vermin. You wonder if you should start on this crusade immediately. And how you would go about it

(write ins welcome)

>start cleaning /pol/
>wait for hiroshimoot.

>ban everyone you see for a month
>delete the entire board and start anew.

>>925
>>/pol/ is filled with the paper jew

>>1011
Make a new board for the paper jew as a honey pot, then ban people who post there!

>>1011
>start cleaning /pol/
Fucking paperjews get off my board.

>>1011
Start cleaning, son. Someone's gotta do it.

>>1011
>>start cleaning /pol/

>>1011
>start cleaning /pol/

>>1011
>start cleaning /pol/

>>1011
>start cleaning /pol/
>ban everyone you see for a month

>>1011
Clean /pol/

You cannot wait, the future of the white race is in peril. You must start deleting threads left right and center. You cannot show mercy to the paper jew.

Much like the chiseled statue of thor holding his hammer, you go down, wielding the banhammer and banning every poster you see who is talking about origami. The most you can hand out is a month long ban, and you set about to it with a grim determination that would please your nordic ancestors. After three hours of diligent work, not a single thread is present in /pol/. Hiroshimoot hasn't responded. Maybe that yellow man doesn't know how to check his email.
Truly another thing that sets your kind apart from the beasts that plague the world.

>create a new sticky for /pol/ welcoming your brothers back
>your task is done here. Your brothers will find their way back. decide to visit another board:write in.

>>1113

>>create a new sticky for /pol/ welcoming your brothers back

>>1113
>create a new sticky for /pol/ welcoming your brothers back

>>1113
Sticky

>>1113
sticky

>tfw all I wanted to do was run my alterac quest

This grand announcement of the defeat of the paper jew shall not go unannounced. You begin to write a lengthy sticky commemorating this victory
who do you commemorate this victory to

>jesus
>thor
>varg
>write in

(pics for this sticky are welcome as well)

>>1171

>thor

>>1171
>thor

>>1171
>write-in
trump

speaking of pictures, didnt they say something about a drawing thingy? how does it work?

>>1171
>myself

>>1171
>write in
Hitler, obviously

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>>1194
Below captcha there is a 'draw' button. Click it.

>>1194

thor winning lads. be quick to nominate your paragon of the white race.

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>>1171
>The God Emperor, Donald J. Trump

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>>1215

going on trump. better be quick hitler and thorfags.

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>>1171
Got your picture for you. Drawing with a laptop is hard.

>>1215
TRUMP WILL MAKE /POL/ GREAT AGAIN

>>1236
A Trump is fine too

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>>1171
I want to vote for Jesus, but Trump is the best option.

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>>1236

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>>1208

You settle on a picture of Donald Trump, american investor and president, who has vowed to make the land of the free the greatest nation on earth. The picture of him in glorious gilded armor and wielding a magical blade makes your eyes tear up, and despite yourself, you begin clapping

>shoot at the cats outside
>eat a hotpocket hamburger

>>1294
>eat a hotpocket hamburger

>>1294
Shoot cats. They are the sign of the old guard and must be extinguished.

>>1294
>shoot at the cats outside
>Use dead cats to provide the filling for your hotpocket hamburger

>>1294
>hotpocket hamburger

>>1294
>hotpocket hamburger while clapping

>>1294
>throw hotpocket hamburger at cats

>>1294
>>shoot at the cats outside

You would sing the national anthem. but the cats miaowing outside are a pestilence. You don't doubt for a moment that they are chinese spies that the slant eyed monsters have sent here to spy on the bastion of free speech that is 4chan.

Taking your revolver, you fire six shots at the vermin outside
>roll 6d6

Rolled 1, 4, 6, 5, 4, 4 = 24 (6d6)

>>1351

>>137ok I guess

Rolled 4, 3, 6, 6, 2, 6 = 27 (6d6)

>>1351

Rolled 2, 1, 4, 1, 2, 5 = 15 (6d6)

>>1351
Make them into hamburger hotpockets

Your first shot misses. its alright. /k/omrades from /pol/ have taught you that the first shot really doesn't count. You use their mystical breathing techniques and look down the barrel of the gun before aiming again.
BANG!
your first shot misses the cat by a whisker. The beast runs away.
Your second shot connects, downing the beast, and it stops moving. The third shot is aimed at the other cat, hitting it right in the eye, killing it instantly
You fire your last two round cheering wildly.

>go to /k/ and brag about your marksmanship

>>1410
>go to /k/ and brag
>open up a new tab and see if our glorious breathen have returned to /pol/
MUTLI
THREAD
POSTING

>>1410
Check out the new /pol/

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>>1410
You went too far. You can't talk about doing such things to cats. Not on the internet, even if it's fiction. It's simply wrong.

Chuckling to yourself, you open two different tabs, one on which pol is open, and the other opens /k/.

You quickly open another thread, after taking the photo of the cats you shot, as proof of your skill. This will guarantee a good conversation.

Remarkbly, /pol/ seems to be getting new traffic, but most of the questions are about why there is a trump sticky? and why did they get banned.

>ban these people too
>refresh your page on /k/

>>1493
>ban these people too
>begin replying to your own thread for the (you)s

>>1208
I suppose there isnt one on 4chan x, because I cant see it

>>1499
This.

>>1493
I set the /k/ thread to auto refresh and start perma-banning jewish ban evaders

The paper jew strikes again. You cannot err now, you go and start banning the the subhumans, preventing them from posting on 4chan again. Hopefully they will go and spread their degeneracy elsewhere, leaving this board free of their jewishness.

As you return to the /k/ thread, your jollies tingle with anticipation as you read the thread. Your face turns to horror as every post is about you being a faggot and a cocksucker who should kill himself.

>ban them all
>listen to them. Kill yourself.

>>1493
>These people just admitted to ban evasion, permaban the.

>>1555
>listen to them. Kill yourself.

>>1555
>ban them all

God damn Jews they've infested /k/ too!

>>1555
>ban them all
>ban hiroshimoot
>ban yourself

>>1555

>>ban them all

>>1555
>listen to them. Kill yourself.

>>1555
Ban them all. Make those faggots return to their tumblr hugbox.

The kikes have infested /k/ too, you will make an example of them. You bring forth the banhammer, and start banning them wholesale. No three month ban, no appeal. Just a permaban that scourges their presence from /k/. It is a sister of /pol/ and family must stick together, as you have learned from countless hours of playing world of warcraft over the years.

Yet at the same time, you just want it to end. You place the revolver on your head and pull the trigger, and then realize you are out of ammo

>find ammo in the room
>browse /k/ and stamp out the jews
>protect /pol/ from the jews
>browse /v/

>>1627
Find some ammo

>>1627
>browse /v/

The Jews might have invaded there too.

>>1627

>>browse /v/

>>1627
Find some ammo

You decide that you must go back to what you had originally planned on doing, browsing /v/

As you open the tab, you see a page near the bump limit, discussing about /con/. Everyone agrees that it is a useless board that needs to go away and the mod needs to kill himself
>ban everyone on that thread
>delete the thread
>browse another thread, preferably one with lolis

>>1665
All 3

>>1676
Second.

>>1665
All of the above

>>1665
All 3 of them

browse another thread, and post links to that thread in the one where people are insulting you

These underaged ingrates dare question you? After all you have done for them? This will not stand. They are all underaged children anyway. 4chan is a 18+ website. You proceed to ban all of the participants in the thread for a month. It will probably help /v/ immensely when these children go out to play ball.

Now that is done, you delete the thread so that every record of it is erased, thus cementing your status as a master ruseman.

As you delete the thread, you notice that another thread has popped up. This one has little girls bathing in a sauna, drawn in superior japanese style. You ignore the requests for thread deletion. This discussion is suited to your finely honed senses.

Eventually, after hours of refreshing this thread, you find that a poster from /mlp/ is posting disgusting art of anthropomorphic horses defecating inside each other's orifices.

>delete the thread
>delete the ponyfag's text and ban him
>let the thread stay

>>1665
ALL

THREE

>>1725

>>delete the ponyfag's text and ban him

>>1725
>delete the ponyfag's text and ban him

>>1725
>delete the ponyfag's text and ban him

>>1725
>delete the ponyfag's text and ban him

The ponyfag dares taint the thread with his cancerous garbage? He shall be punished for this. You proceed to delete every post he made and then permaban him.

However the disgusting pictures he had made has thrown off the discussion completely. You can still save it, all you have to do is sticky it.

>Sticky the loli thread
>let if get archived. Go to /tv/ instead

>>1759

>>let if get archived. Go to /tv/ instead

>>1759
>Sticky the loli thread

>>1759
>let if get archived. Go to /tv/ instead
The loli thread is ruined anyway

>>1759
Sticky

Like all good things, the loli thread dies before it's time, brought to ruin by ponyshitters. You will have vengeance upon /mlp/ for this.

You instead decide to browse /tv/. The first thread that comes up is a picture of three young white girls in shorts, the accompanying greentext says

">walking down the beach
>get stopped by these three girls
>The closest to me says ' hey faggot, my friend here likes you, give her armpit a lick'
>wat do?"

What do you do with the thread?

>delete it
>sticky it
>add music to it

>>1793
a second too late buddy.

>>1795
>>add music to it

>>1795
>reply to the thread with your mod status on

>>1795
sticky

>>1795
Music

>>1795
Add music

all of them?
Sticky and mod status with music?

>>1822
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUEyiEGiuZU
all three

>>1822
Hell yea motherfucker.

This was the kind of high quality discussion you expected from a board that is as patrician as /tv/. To your sorrow, a number of redditors are calling the OP a faggot and a pedophile. Under your modship, a new era of 4chan is dawning. Content like this will be promoted. You decide to sticky the thread, and to make it official, you embed the barbie theme song in it. You delete every post that doesn't have those angelic little girls in them and say that this thread is mod approved.

That will show them


As the sun sets, you feel happy. You have made a difference and can go to bed happy knowing that you made the online experience of countless people better. And you did it for free


(alright, thanks for running, come back next time as we await hiroshimoot's reply and check on our baby board /con/)

mods please, quest threads belong in /tg/ It is the culture of /tg/ that makes them so good.

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>>137
Top lel

>>137
this desu

>>1868
>quest threads belong in /tg/ It is the culture of /tg/ that makes them so good.

No they don't and fuck you, I hope they manage to get auto-sage status

>>2469
If you do not agree with DeepDarkQm's statement why are you here?

>>2495

For the quests here

>>2469
What belongs on /tg/ except storytime, meta discussion of roleplaying, and mechanics crunch, then?

There have been faggots that have wanted to ban storytime too. Fucking faggots.

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>>2469

>>2891
best thing about this board tbf

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>>137

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>>2891

This quest desperately needs music
http://i.4cdn.org/wsg/1461406449561.webm

>>137
Mod please fuck up that Manager.

test

test

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>>137
nice

[b]test
[i]test
[b]test[/b]
[i]test[/i]
[b][i]test[/i][/b]

>>1868
What's the Barbie theme song now?

>>2495
There's nothing wrong with quests on the quest board.

There is everything wrong with quests on /tg/.

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>>137
And they say "all mods are faggots" - the memo must have forgotten to include this guy

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>>137

>>14914
this quests are not /tg/
elf slave wat do and stat me threads with latest /pol/ memes are

Nice thread, OP.
That was a fun read.

Does anyone in the 4chan "staff" get payed?
Other Than Hiroshima I mean.

>>94
You need to shut up.

>>19502
I believe they don't, but I'm not sure

Bumping for interest.