Oh shit nigger(s) it's the aftermath of Civ Thing and all the tribes who inhabitited the nondescript generic fantasy land has all been enslaved (in varying degrees) by The Kingdom ruling the aforementioned nondescript generic fantasy land.
Now they must either accept their fate or break out and free their own tribe. Other tribes optional.
Your current protagonist is Barbmom, a barbarian, uh, mom, who managed to escape her tribe's enslavement.
Currently you're in hiding and planning a way to assassinate the King to free your peoples. What do?
Roll 1d100, who gets the highest number is the picked action.
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>699213
do we have plan B?
Without King killing?
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>699213
well get the obvious out of the way and it's tradition
punch self in face
for as tradition for barbs
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>699225
revise plan, remove King killing part.
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>699225
make a diaramah of your idea for escaping. since technology is limited use what's around you now.
>>699227
Okay so this piece of cheese is you and this cup is the King
>>699231
now what if the cheese would walked behind the cup...
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>699231
focus entirely on escaping without trying to attack the king directly.
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>699235
shit, maybe the orcs can help with the plan.... nah maybe just focus on escaping than killing the king.
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>699238
the cup is sad
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>699238
eat cheese and check your skills
>>699239
As seen through this sad face you scribled on it
>>699240
man your rolls have been terriblessed bro. Dice god mad at you or something?
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>699241
the cheese and cup were star crossed lovers when PLOT HAPPENS!
>>699244
yeah they do ruin everything. Even their delicious pants.
>>699244
Checked
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>699247
how is barb standing with the orcs, maybe we can trick them in to helping us escape.
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>699247
can we during night visit local graveyard and get yourself some skellies?
Where we are located atm?
>>699249
Not good
Rolled 15 (1d100)
2 people too little, postponing thread?
>>699252
just focus on barbs then. do we have plan of arena and how far it is from city wall?
>>699252
o jeez, maybe locate some barbs and have a group meeting and brain storm.
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>699252
go do some king recon
>>699257
Current status: spending a lazy afternoon lounging around in the royal gardens
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>699260
have we learned his weaknesses up to this point?
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>699260
how are we so sneaky, do we have ninja barb skills?
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>699260
pose as gardener to get a closer look.
>>699263
Because men never pay attention to women
#topical
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>699266
that means that we can easily go wherever we want?
Visit graveyard and raise all corpses for distraction purposes.
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>699266
find a weakness in the king. He's not a god.... right?
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>699270
closer....
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>699270
observe intensly
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>699270
Wait until he falls asleep
>>699275
"Man, this is a pretty cool afternoon, all breezy n shit. Maybe I should just doze off..."
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>699277
oh shit, an elf kid
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>699277
search the sleeping body!
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>699277
and this is the man which killed off your tribe, lazying around pretending to be innocent.
silently thru teeth curse him and leave.
>>699279
"Hiya, uncle"
"z..z....wuh?..Oh Hi kid, 'sup"
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>699283I hope in all these shenanigans that Barbmom won't fall in love with the King....;that would be lewd
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>699283
TACTICAL RETREAT
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>699283
leave ASAP
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>699283
scream insanity
>>699286
"Who's that lady standing behind you?"
"Who in the what now? What lady?"
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>699291
That Elf kid is clearly important to the King, we must plot to assassinate him to make the King depressed.
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>699291blameelves.
using that nobody from male guard notices you, get a rough plan of Arena and way towards city walls drawn
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>699291
back to the drawing board... meaning back to the cheese and cup...
>>699292
So new plan, assassinate this elf kid that's all buddy-buddy with the king for some reason. Weird, elves were also enslaved like your tribe.
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>699299
No, screw killing, focus on saving other barbs and escaping.lock in confirm
killing will be later. way later
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>699299
See if there's any babysitter jobs we can take, if we're lucky we'll get asked to take care of the kid. AND THEN WE'LL KILL HIM
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>699299
the elf boy... find out more about the elf boy, dig up dirt on the elf boy, the secret lies with the elf boy
>>699301
Let's take a peek at the local messageboard
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>699304
That top middle one
Get it
We'll blend in with their society.
>>699306
Perfect plan
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>699304
grab the baby sitter one... maybe we can find the pedo at the same time... wait experiment... grab that instead
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>699307
shit grab the experiment one too
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>699313
Look on back
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>699313
Do this side quest first
We might be able to save our son from being a complete faggot
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>699313
do it!
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>699316
Do it
>>699317
According to the paper, this is the place.
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>699320
Looks kinda small
That doorway can fit a Gobbo only
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>699320
Walk inside. If we can fit. It's probably a manlet scientist!
>>699321
Yes, but why would gobs live in the kingdom, weren't all tribes enslave--
"Oh hey, you must have seen me ad...OH SHIT A BARBARIAN"
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>699323
TAKE ME BACK IN TIME OR ELSE I'LL KILL YOU
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>699323
I would like the job please
>>699325
"w-woah, okay, c-calm down now"
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>699329
Dont tell me what to do!
*punch the door frame*
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>699329
I also brought lunch with me. Will jerky do?
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>699329
give me tea as well! raaarrrgg
>>699332
"Y-yeah so uh, r-right this way"
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>699336
then walk this waay
talk this waaaay
now gimme a kiss!
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>699336
Call him a wuss
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>699336
did we bring a lunch? share some with manlet, he looks so thin, probably don't eat enough
>>699341
Hah. Are you gonna play up the mom part?
>>699343
I recently had relatives visiting, so it's still fresh in memory
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>699346
eat it all up!
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>699346
Okay, take us back in time now
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>699346
now chew properly young manlet
anyway, I won't harm you, probably. Tell me about this back in time thing.
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>699346
Now get me to tge machine
>>699349
"kay, jush shtepp ing dhere"
>>699357
chew properly you manlet.
Get in the time machine.
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>699357
CHEW PROPERLY YA WUSS
What happens if machine doesn't work?
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>699357
get inside, mock his decor
>>699361
"Fine geez, preparing for time travel to...."
Rolled 58 (1d100)
>>699365
THE FUTURE
OH SHIT
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>699365
take me around time riiiiight before king decided to murder everyone
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>699365
take me on a wild ride manlet
>>699367
"yeah sure"
>>699369
wavy timey whimey space travel! wheeeee
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>699369
it's a huge success,right?
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>699369
He sent us to the Brock battle in the fuuuutuuuure
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>699376
Sneak upon the King's brother and knock him out with a rock
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>699376
Leap off the wall and find that midget piece of shit!
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>699376
Reconfirm time and place
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>699376
tell him you have to kill him or his son will die in the future.
>>699379
"A barbarian? What are you doing here in the city? Shouldn't you be out there in the savage lands getting rekt?"
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>699382
Seduce him
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>699382
Summon Meteor
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>699382
I've come from dark future to tell you that killing barbarians will seal your demise!
Stop war at once, there is a greater foe to fight against!
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>699382
no umm I'm from the future and umm I am your daughter
>>699385
"Really? Who's that?"
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>699390
uh
aliens, with like rape tentacles and shit
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>699390
That beard is beautiful
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>699390
The Goblin Rider!
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>699390
ANCIENT EEEEEVIIIIL WHICH WAS FED ON MINOR GODS FLESH
MORE DEATH WILL FUEL IT
Now as we being talking Dragons let it escape!
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>699390
The king himself will be taken over by umm the dark one the only way to stop it is if the king dies before he is taken over!
the dark one can only survive in the king because it's so powerful
>>699394
"Well now that's a weird name"
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>699399
Yes
It's the hair molecules from all facail hair that have combined together
The only way to stop it is by letting me pet your beard
btw op the civ aftermath adventure zip has like part 1~4 only, did something happen
>>699405
I haven't uploaded the new parts yet, whoops. Will do it now.
>>699404
"Hah?"
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>699409
anyway, do you really ok with your brother killing off random savages? They never attacked the city after all.
There are human kids right now there dying just cause they didn't grow in comfort of your city.
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>699409
lol jk
actually the future threat is "ancient evil awakens" Lady evil because she hates patriarchy
>>699412
"That seems highly unlikely"
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>699415
how else do you think this great evil can survive!? and how else can me being here when they could have sent a knight!? there are no more knights, it was just me and a manlet!
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>699415
Also an alternate future version of my son, Canon Solidhat arises and kills you and your brother, but you know. Women were opressed.
>>699417
"And what proff do you have that you're a time traveller?"
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>699419
Show fire magic prowess... also newspaper
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>699419
My younger self is fighting against the King right now.
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>699419
tell all what you know about King after all this time of observation
regular barbarian won't be able to know this.
also about new comic tomes spoilers
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>699419
did you not see the portal?
also your king will be visited by orcs.
in his room.
>>699422
"Oh so you know about his afternoon lounging habits. How does that make you a time traveller?"
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>699426
Spoil all the comic tomes
>>699427
"Pffft, that sounds totally made-up. There's no way The Human Spider would have his body taken over by his enemy and have his soul deleted"
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>699429
it goes on for a year.
and the king will be visited by orcs via portal
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>699429
Aw, fuck it.
You win war, enslave us all to fight in arena and I'll be seeing my sons die.Also Human Spider thing is true, deal with it wuss
I'm here to stop that. Got problem with that? Now fuck off, I have your brother to kill.
>>699429
fuck you OP for reminding me of that crap!
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>699429
Also Brock gave us magic again
*show firefist*
>>699432
"Right, now we have a problem"
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>699438
stupid brain, getting impatient and shit
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>699438
>implying you'd believe all bullshit I said anyway
look, we just wanna live out there, king is out to get us. I know you have spies on our village, do we really any danger for you? Let us live our life.
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>699438
Your not allowing many options. Feels railroady
>>699441
blame the elves.
>>699441
Blame the dragons
>>699441
Blame the Time Police
>>699439
"Don't worry, lady. I'm a firm believer in equality"
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>699448
then why your brother kills savages for fun?
should you stop him or something?
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>699448
*swoon*
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>699448
*swwwwooooooonnnnn*
>>699450
"As in women should get hurt just like men do. so if you're causing trouble I'm going to punch you."
okay may less swoon
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>699453
evade his attack and run from city
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>699453
Time to punch the skeleton out of him
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>699453
wuss wuss wuss
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>699453
still swooning
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>699460
run to the kings room exclaim his brother had gone mad and tell him your the future use the proof you gave the brother hurry!
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>699460
continue to spoil comic tomes and other popular media while you run away from him.
Also say that he is a wuss and always in a second place cause he lets his brother do what he wants
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>699460
Use mom powers to save your barb kids
>>699461
But he aint here though
>>699465
"Why are you barbarians always acting so uppity anyway. You summoned an ancient evil to destroy everyone"
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>699467
WE DID NOT. SUMMON. A THING.
PERIOD.
The fuck you talk about.
It locked up in dragons place anyway
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>699467
That wasnt uuuuussssss! Dragons have the demon gate!
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>699467
because you have... sand breaking hips... shut up!
>>699468
also KEEP RUNNING
>>699468
"What dragon place? You savages literally summoned that monstrosity in an effort to destroy the Bird People. But now it threatens the safety of everyone"
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>699473
Let's talk for a little bit. Are you married?
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>699473
THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK
IT'S FUCKING FUUUTURE?
okay nigga, I think there is misunderstanding. Stop fighting
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>699473
I told you it's hereally to take over your king and kill the future
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>699473
What the fuck!?! This isnt the past!
>>699477
we have been had!
nice one OP
>>699477
Oh but it is the pastIt's just not your past
>>699480
Alternate Canon Solidhat confirmed villian
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>699480
fuck where are the Orcs?
>>699476
"Oh so you summoned a future destroying monster just to kill some birds, congrats stupid. But him being taken over would give me a good excuse..."
>>699482
Not that either
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>699484
Oh well, might as well and help then.
RAISE UNDEAD SOLDIERS! PUT FISTS IN FIRE! ROCK MUSIC STARTS PLAYING!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaJw6lqGFew
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE METEORS!
Show the ancient evil the power of most hated civ.
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>699489
CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VSA7CvnBAU
>>699489
we fuck up
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>699489
Make that thing into a skeleton!
>>699490
Battle battle battle fight fight fight pow pow pow
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>699494
here is also your personal BGM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca_mgn3C_Jg
Punch the shit out of ancient evil, it's a good way to stay fit
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>699494
punch with fire fist of fire
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>699494
Skeletize that skull!
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>699498
wuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssss
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>699498
pulverize ancient evil into nothingness
that's your daily workout done
>>699500
It aint having any of dat
>>699503
how do you get back to your own time?
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>699503
whoa. rude.
get angry
Rolled 1 (1d10)
test?HELLO?ANYONE THERE?
Im here. Also at work
Also captcha is giving me 50 charwcter words da fuq
>>699506
Well now that's a question, how did you plan to return to the current time in the first place
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>699512
Find that universe's version of the Manlet Doc Brown
He'll have a time machine for sure
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>699512
Punch manlets until one does it for me
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>699512
we can settle that AFTER we done with this monstrosity. Proceed for attack, check it's damage.
Also don't touch me with your filthy hands, mustache dude. You are not man enough yet to do so. Don't even have a beard.
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>699512
magic machine man
>>699516
"I had a goatee, but was advised against keeping it due to it making me looked "too obviously a bad guy". But then again, why would I take the word of a barbarian into consideration"
>>699513
It's the same universe
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>699518
such a wuss, can't even keep his measly beard. I bet you can't even throw rock into ancient evil eyes hard enough to knock them out
let me do that instead
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>699518
he goes full RUUUULES OF NAAATUUUUURREE on the ancient evil
you are the sword, of course
>>699520
It was ineffective
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>699525
throw HARDER
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>699525
That ain't the right size of rock
THROW A BOULDER
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>699525
Declare that you like rough and tough man, want to make babies with him after defeating the monster.
>>699527
"Shit, you suck"
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>699530
EVEN BIGGER
SUMMON A FUCKING METEOR
ROLL FOR IT
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>699530
Brock lied to us
Rock throwing sucks
Use a flaming steel beam instead
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>699530
scream about it being sexist!
>>699534
Caused slightly better damage
"Maybe it's not the tool that sucks"
"Yeah, maybe barbarians just suck"
"I could probably throw better with...uh...a pebble"
"Nigga you lyin' "
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>699538
Prove them wrong. Roll for it
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>699538
METEOR STRIKE
ROLL
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>699538
Throw merc at him while merc is throwing the king who stabs the ancient evil with a holy lance
>>699213
what's happening? We still alive? I just remembered this.
>>699543
just slipped into parallel timeline, aside of that it's all good. probably
why does the King look different?
>>699540
Roll 2d100 for Meteor, first is pickings, second is number.
1-4 : meteor burns up into nothingness in atmospheric entry
5-20: smallest meteor
20-40: small meteor
40-80: medium meteor
80-99: large meteor
100: full power meteor
>>699544
It's not a parallel timeline
Rolled 49, 53 = 102 (2d100)
>>699546
TRIPLE DIGITS
Rolled 29, 10 = 39 (2d100)
>>699546
You said it was!
Rolled 42, 80 = 122 (2d100)
>>699546
SHOW THEM WHO IS DA BOSS NOW
Rolled 14, 27 = 41 (2d100)
>>699546
Rolled 32, 96 = 128 (2d100)
>>699546
but why does the king look different?
>>699546
>It's not a parallel timeline
it's confusing, okay
Rolled 85, 15 = 100 (2d100)
>>699546
>>699547
>>699548
I said this is indeed, the past. Just not your past. But that doesn't mean I meant it as a another world, I jsut meant that as another point in the timeline
>>699546
bit we didn't have bird people back then... did we?
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>699558
Am I really the only one thinking the King looks different? If we're here what's happening to the tribes btw?
Rolled 58 (1d100)
>>699558
ohhhhhhhh we went further back then....
right?
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>699558
OH COME THE FUCK ON NOW
KILL THAT THING ALREADY WUSSES, YOU WANT A LADY DO ALL THE WORK?
>>699561
Oh shite, maybe you are indeed further back in the past! Maybe that manlet d-
"Pfft, bro, check this out. Pebble throwing"
"Bruh"
>>699567
I just realized the King looks younger. We should have realized it when OP name dropped bird people since we never had bird people. This is a different Civ Thing. Find a way back to the present and kick that Gobbo's ass for sending you to the wrong time
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>699569
holy shit I hope this reaches
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>699567
fucking demigods
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>699567
Dats sexist
Yell at monster for no selling you and being a shitty worker
>>699569
We already knew this
And randomly finding the manlet who sent is back won't work
That and we went back in past to stop the king but went into a parallel time line
>>699575
It's not a parallel timeline, it's the time before Civ Thing 1.
>>699575
We go back where we came from, what's so hard about that?
>>699574
No response
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>699567
if I were man I would go to the time I wanted...
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>699580
so umm hey about the-
RUN RUN RUN!
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>699580
Leave
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>699580
are we done yet? no second phase shit? Time for jerky.
bring out your lunch
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>699580
fuck this shit and go back where we came from
>>699576
I mean bird people and barbs summoning ancient evils even though they never did that
>>699586
We don't have a way to do that
Doc brown manlet isn't here and it seems like the time machine is one way
>>699590
It's from an earlier time. Jeezus the king even looks younger, how are you not seeing this?
>>699590
The timeline as in The World's timeline, not the Civ Thing timeline
>>699586
Well if your geography's correct. You are currently standing on where you came from. Specifically where your village will be, years from now.
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>699596
wait, did the king become a niggeR?
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>699596
oh shit turn around
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>699596
Go a little bit east and bury our horned skeleton helmet there
>>699593
Quote merc "shouldn't you be in the savage land getting rekt" which implies that the kingdom has already started attacking the tribes
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>699596
Oh no
The king is now a part of the ancient evil
>>699602
>he thinks the tribes in civ thing are the only tribes to exist in the entire history of this world
>>699602
different tribes, how is this hard to comprehend?
>>699598
"You fucker, I told you not to touch the evil writhing black mass"
"REEEEEE"
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>699610
welp, let's go leave this garbage dump and go see the tribes of this era
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>699610
PURIFY
Turns out ancient evil is allergic to your homemade jerky
"it's all because you don't eat healthy food"
>>699612
All you need is to look to your left
"Fuck off jackass! Both your and my tribe is fucking dead because of your ancient evil shit! Leave me alone!"
"FUCK YOU BIRD BRAIN"
>>699619
Chicken brain**
>>699620
Maybe it'll grow into a bigger skull if you water it daily
>>699625
There's just two tribes? There's gotta be more than that, interrupt those two idiots and ask them where the rest of the factions are.
>>699625
Wasn't there a temple to a Ancient
Brock/Barbarian champion there with a skull helm? That's what I was getting at.
>>699632
Hence the growing bigger if it's watered daily
>>699629
"There's no need. he is already purified. By dying. And now, as the next immediate heir, I'm The King now"
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>699634
... jerky?
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>699634
k tnx bai, let's go to where the elves forest would have been and see if the faggots are there
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>699634
>not "I'm the Captain now"
Oh and seduce him
Do the birdmen live in the Would-Be Dragon Mountains by any chance?
I swear that place has an affinity for sealed ancient evils
>>699636
There's only a tiny plant there
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>699639
Piss on it
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>699639
Punch it, I have no idea what the ramifications would be but I bet it'll be big.
>>699640
>>699641
Woah hey, I don't wanna know about your fetishes you sickos
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>699644
burn it then,wuss
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>699644
shit on it, give it all the nutritions it needs to grow
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>699644
>elves grew up eating piss grown fruit and veg
It suits them perfectly fine. Just be lazy and put a black censored screen and say she pissed on it
>>699646
Wow, shit tier fetish, my man.
Anyway gotta be away for 30 minutes, pls hold
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>699647
Also explains why eles were blonde and degenerate
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>699649
just burn it with fire.
>>699634
this entire time!?
>>699649
roll+1d100
Elevator Music enabled
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>699649
did we accomplish our goal killing the king
>>699659
dice+1d100
is this how it works? babehs first roll
>>699663
You have to put the dice+1d100 in the options field
>>699663
Put that in the options field
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>699674
Another good deed done. Now then, let's go check out orcs.
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>699674
Put out the fire and take the ashes, ya know, for bragging rights.
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>699678
in the authority we don't do anything to fuck them up anyway
>>699679
You got:
some ashes
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>699681
Kill time. Wait to go home
>>699683
In the place where the orcs would be years and years later, you find...a big fat loadanuthing
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>699688
welp, uh we do know where the Dragons were supposed to be right? Go to where the Citadel would be
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>699688
oh yeah, they are wandering faggots.
anyway, gotta think what do now. Doubt we'll be able to damage kingdom alone.
Can develop local barbarians into something sturdier for future buff?
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>699688
WEll pfft, shit, the past is pretty dull. Kick some rocks and shit
>>699691
Unbeknownst to you, this act would later create the dragons.
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>699697
Let's meet current barbs which bring upon kingdom this ancient evil shit
>>699698
"The fuck do you want?"
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>699700
Seduce him.
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>699700
lead your tribe into a brighter future
I mean my OWN tribe
>>699700
Ask about ancient evil
>>699703
"Pfffft, yeah sure, good luck with that, dumbass. Don't even have a skull hat, pteh"
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>699707
okay, you asked for it
what the monster you consider most powerful around there, I need a new hat.
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>699707
I sacrificed it to Brock you neanderthal
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>699707
find a bigger monster/creature and take their skull as proof
>>699714
"Sacrifice to brock?....Oh! You worship a thing called Brock?! AHAHAHAHAHA! Fucking pussy, being under the thumb of some asshole in the sky. We proud barbarians are completely free of such nonsense, we have true freedom! Unlike your dumb ass."
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>699720
Beat him up
And smash his face in with a rock
steal his skullhat afterwards
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>699720
true freedom of getting your ass kicked by thing you summoned and then kingdom?
I bet you can't even throw rocks further than few steps away
>>699721
"Ayy lmao, still using rocks. What, too dumb to make proper spears as projectiles? Or maybe that you can't kill anything without resorting to something bigger than your prey? Puussssyyyyyyy"
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>699728
Now steal that skull hat.
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>699728
PUNCH THE SHIT OUT OF HIM
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>699728
Remove his tongue
>>699729
"Oh wow look at this pussy, can't get your own skull hat so you have to go and steal one. lmao"
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>699735
Kick him in the nuts
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>699735
Okay, let's just get better skull for ourself THEN we kill him with his own skull
>>699741
"Hah! Can't even stay and murder me for my insults! I dunno what the fuck tribe you came from but it seems to be full of pussies and dumbasses"
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>699748
Go look for where the Dragons are suppose to be
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>699748
ah fuck it
summon meteor on himshort temper is terrible perk
>>699750
"Pffft, when you use magic you still had to rely on rocks. Too dumb to summon anything else like a giant sword or a giant hammer. Or even a giant r--"
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>699753
Sigh of relief
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>699753
and nothing of value was lost
>>699757
"Dis aint ova biaaatch. Imma haunt yo tribe and curse them foeva, lmao,. wooo woo woo"
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>699761
god fucking dammit
revive him with necromancy so you tie his soul to the skeleton (or what left of it) to keep an eye on that soul
call him Zebra Jr
>>699761
And so that's where the barb's terrible scouting rolls came from
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>699761
Let's punch ourselves in the face and pass out until we're in the present
>>699766
Note that the present is very, very far from now. Like at least 2 generations. Do that and by the present time rolls around you'll be nothing but a skeletal corpse
>>699774
fuck timeskips which result in gameover, you don't allow doing dumb stuff anymore, no?
>>699774
Whoops forgot pic
>>699777
Timeskipping to death has been a thing since Dickass Thief
>>699785
Yes and the amount of retardation it caused in this have turned me into a hateful, hateful person
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>699789but is ColdGate still safe?as well as commercial summonThis is important
>>699782
Now where would be a nice spot
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>699794
nah, you like your flesh for now. go get new hat
>>699795
Ignore this, didnt see other posts
>>699792
Yes
No
Maybe
I don't know
Can you repeat the question
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>699794
let's go to the Citadel, so we can surprise those dragons when they accidentally dig us up
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>699794
Just kill everything. The future sucks anyway
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>699794
that cave over there looks safe and cozy
>>699796
The past dragon mountains probably have a dangerous beast in it. Since it's called Beast Mountain currently
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>699806
Beast, Schmeast. Let's go and fight it
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>699806
I'm no scared of chicken brains
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>699806
Throw a meteor at the mountain
Let's find the Dragon mountains, dig out a fancy cave and use necromancy to turn ourselves into a Lich
Then we spend untold amount of years learning magic like a hikkikomori until the dragons unseal us
Eventually.
>>699811
heeeey, you did see what it does to a body? fuck that
don't tie lore together, chicken brains
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>699811
Oh thank god someone with the same idea as me. As cool as the past is, I want to see the ramifications of what we did here.
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>699806
Explore mountains for beasts to fight, or for a cup of tea.
>>699809
Coincedentally the beast is a giant chicken
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>699821
Hmm, would be a nice source of jerky.
Rip its head off
>>699825
Chicken Jerky is for dogs .
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>699821
Aim for the eyes. Rock throw!
>>699825
First, you must get pass its eye beams
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>699836
Flee!
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>699836
roll for DEX check
>>699841
Ah yes! A great plan! You're pretending to flee so the beast would leave its domain to fight you in the open! Because barbarians can't be running away like wusses, right?
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>699851
totally, now go dig a hole and gather up some punch yourself to pass out while passively charging your necromancy magic
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>699851
Yell to ourselves we should've tried to marry the king's brother so we wouldn't have to deal with this shit while still running
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>699851
but of course, it was all planned, yes
>>699854
The Chicken Beast gives chase and prevents you from digging a necro hole in peace
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>699862
punch it in the face with fire punch
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>699862
Punch it to death!!!!
Rolled 66 (1d100)
fuck I gotta sleep. I trust Horny Dragon will find us a way to get us to the present before this playthrough ends
>>699862
Run towards wherever the bird people probably are, maybe they can speak to this thing. Also tell them how they're all dead in the future.
>>699865
The beast is damaged
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>699872
now punch another cheek
I cooked and worse.
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>699872
Chop the cocks head off.Like a woman
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>699882
Choke it with legs. Keep firepunching
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>699882
now rip his eyes off, don't you glare on me
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>699882
Cook the cock.
>>699885
Yes, you're choking the giant cock with your legs and punching it
>>699918
Time for some chicken for dinner
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>699918
ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA
you are already dead
Rolled 78 (1d100)
Since we're in the civ thing that never happened wouldn't that mean we can talk to the tribal gods again?
>>699918
Finish the overgrown bird.
>>699923
That's the wrong quote you dweeb
>>699929
I'm no orc, sorry
>>699937
>Then don't make reference to japshit anymore if you aint gonna do it right, biatch
fine, geez, so cranky
>>699927
You broke the cock.
With your legs.
>>699940
Yeah das right beetch.
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>699945
Right in time for a dinner!
Also check his cave for loot, bring his body with yourself of course.
will be our base
>>699948
And so you made the Beast Mountains your base of operations. They're still named the Beast Mountains by everyone else because women are mosnters.
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>699955
don't forget to make a new hat
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>699955
We gotta be real careful with our planning, don't wanna go changing the future too soon and having the time police show up.
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>699955
Create that necro cave and start turning ourselves into a lich
>>699962
The captcha has made me into a hateful person
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>699983
Build up rage against the Kingdom for enslaving your race and lock yourself in a cave to practice magiks n shieet to take revenge when the time is right
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>699983
aw fug, we go that route, eh? no way back?
Cancel lichification? please?
>>699989
Well it's not like you've completed the ritual anyway
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>700015
Start up the ritual again
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>700015
Seal your necromantic powers for now
until the time comes
>>700022
fuck you too, dice god
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>700015
Just make cave carvings of draggos getting anally penetrated constantly
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>700039
Go past the point of no return
The power of jerky moves us forward
>>700039
Evil powers manifesting around you as skele-heavy-metal plays in the background
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>700039
Aaaand stop it
is it REAAAALLY only option? Think of alternatives
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>700043
Fug.
T'was a while since i forgot to put my dice in the field.
>>700046
We can do this alllll day
>>700039
try to learn ICE powers to freeze yourself
>>700052
We don't even have enough shit to do the ritual properly.
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>700052
or all night.
no, bad anon, no lich transforming, dark mastery is bad for your health
we didn't even cook that bird yet
>>700046
Yes, you do that
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>700066
You're getting hungry.
Let's cook up that giant chicken with our fire fists
Can't become a necromantic goddess of zambies with an empty stomach
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>700066
let's cool down, eat some fresh jerky and explore cave you are in.
and not try to make yourself into convenient piece of existing lore for now
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>700066
Restart the ritual
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>700066
Make a new skull hat
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>700077
Running out of jerky.
Still hungry.
Barbarian rock-chef time.
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>700077
also save game.
then start to check what do we have to work with. I doubt that monster was just doing nothing all the time
and new hat plz
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>700077
Look around for manlets
>>700080
Not really, this jerky was just made from the giant cock
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>700092
Beware, there may be giant chicks around
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>700092
save game
explore cave
I mean he gotta have treasure or something
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>700092
It's all good then.
Now make cock-hat.
Then we can use our necro-powers to raise a headless cock.sounds painful
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>700113
Create an undead mech with what's left of the chicken
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>700113
Cool.
Now explore that cave, if you will.
May find some ancient reptilian artifacts
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>700113
just let it down in the wild to scare other tribes, for shit and giggles
>>700116
THIS is what's left of the chicken, it's already an undead
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>700126
Well make a mech with it
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>700126
Now that our stomach is satisfied time to restart the ritual
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>700126
Offer your kill to Brock
"You there!?"
>>700135
And so the undead chicken scared one of the tribe. Scared them so much they got heart attacks and died. But then turns out they were you ancestors so now you're being erased from history oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
But then again, maybe I'm just kidding
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>700151
>But then again, maybe I'm just kidding
well you are, cause if that'd be the case we'd already fuck up a LOT of things in future
there is no way this would happen, right?right?
>>700158
Yes, of course I'm kidding. No way you could change history like this.
It only caused all future barbarians to be complete and total wusses who are scared of everything. ultimately through their massive cowardice they willingly join the kingdom as slaves to have some semblance of security and spent the rest of their lives serving the kingdom and never inventing Coldgate.
Oh hey, maybe I'm kidding again, who knows.
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>700163
Loot the cave?
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>700163
You're kidding too much, quickly finish the ritual and hope you don't wake up in the far far future
>>700170
Fine geez
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>700181
This is getting out of hand.
I mean we didn't even do a quest to do this glowy powerup bullshit.
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>700181
Cancel ritual and cast some dark seal so it'll only start once you finish your current quest!
>please nat 100
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>700181
Dream of undead sheep
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>700181
Nooooooooo
don't do it
>>700190
Yes, dream of undead sheep and other such things as you fall into a deep slumber beneath the mountains. Nesting, gathering your dark powers so that one day you may awaken and destroy the kingdom.
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>700200
And of course your ritual created a dark portal that should release you once openned
>>700200
Guess this means new story time?
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>700200
Goddamit, I thought we are over our edgy period of life.
Come on, grow up ya wuss. Can't you kill king with your fists, not with tricks?
>>700209
Hey, if it's okay for you to spam one course of action to take a character, then it's okay for others to do so too.
>>700200
Just gonna see if I have this level of timetravel bullshit down yet.
Barbmom goes back to civ thing that never happened, kills a giant demon thing with the king and totally a human king, goes to fuck about where tribes are gonna be, kills a giant chicken, and then goes to sleep.
And then in Civ Thing she becomes that horror behind the dragon's door, who in turn might be Greg's mom.
What I want to know is why did we choose fucking timetravel? This only complicates things.
Assuming we just became Greg's Mother, then who is Greg?
Do we find and reanimate our dead son who is scared of jerky?
>>700211
I like your general idea, just think it's too soon.
I wanna explore more.
>>700218
Like the idea of exploring more, but hey we got a powerup and we haven't slept yet so we won't die anytime soon, just try not to potentially fuck up history and make sure civ thing never happened
Time fuckery is always dangerous, the action of us kicking a pebble led to the dragons. Wonder how the forest will grow now
>>700203
Of course, don't want to sleepwalk now.
>>700213
Don't ask me, ask this guy >>699318 for the reason. But regarding to timeline, yes, that's what happened.
The only wrong part was The King here is actually the King's father. First showed up in Adventure Thing 2 in the Monk's adventure. Hence the stache+goatee combo.
>>700215
Nah, Greg is a new son. Born from the holy/unholy union of Necrobarbmom and A Paladin Boss. Way, way, wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy later.
>>700218
And manlets wanted Prince Gob I to build up his fortunes more, even planned to buy a lab. But then you fucked that up.
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>700222
We should make a few peepholes to the outside world to spy on how the tribes are doing, if we even still have control of eldritch horror mom.
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>700223
>And manlets wanted Prince Gob I to build up his fortunes more, even planned to buy a lab. But then you fucked that up.
Heeeey, they got badass hero they look up on from now on.
Some things are more precious than fortune, that's manlet dreams
so, save game end thread?
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>700223
Some faggy manlet stumbles upon the portal
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>700229
>You know, while you were spamming posts about fighting everything
well you can fight AND explore.
ya wuss
>>700227
Don't use that excuse. If you can dish it out while not taking it, that makes you a wuss. Are you a wuss? C'mon. Are ya?
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>700233
I do not regret my actions, any of them.
Call me whatever you want
We still have the ashes of the First Tree right?
Sniff them to get good dreams when we sleep and await awakening
>>700243
It's not about regretting, it's about doing something to other people then complain when they do the exact same thing back.
Also why are we sleeping the entire time?
Let's do some indoor magik training and power up for all the time we're gonna be chilling
>>700228
Manlets won't exist for a loooong time.
>>700251
I don't actually complain. It was more of dice roll war for me. People can do whatever. I just add banter, maybe bad banter, but that was my only intention.
I didn't complain about other barb threads which all go in not direction I wanted them to. If that'll do as any proof.
>>700257
Make the entrance menacing and shit with dark edgy aura to get people insane
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>700257
Some faggy fungus-that-will-evolve-into-a-manlet grows near our portal.
>>700266
>>700262
yeah sure m8
>>700275
don't worry, I won't be able to mess with your threads all that longer anymore.
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>700275
Mot menacing enough
MORE
Also decorate our crib and make it comfy and shit
>>700281
And so you did. Setting forth events and machinations for the fuuuture.
The End.
>>700293
thanks for bread
>>700311
oh shit bread
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>700311
add some slices sausages on that bread
>>700315
>>700318
OH SHIT THE BREAD IS BEING THIEF'D
>>700326
Somebody should really call the guards on that Dickass Thief
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>700326
fine, I'll eat just sausages, white bread makes me fat anyway
>>700333
>>700331
Oh shit
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>700339
Gotcha! Jokes on you! That sausage is made out of soybeans!
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>700339
Oh hey. Baby Greg. Complete with rattle
>>700345
"lmao I'm only stealing this just so you can't have it. I aint gonna eat your gross ass foodd nigga"
In other news the character slect screen remains...unselected
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>700363
El Skelebool, the Paladin Mariachi bard.
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>700363
"and I'm here just enjoying the show instead of running around like idiot"
>In other news the character slect screen remains...unselected
just roll for it yourself.
Otherwise we'll be biased barbarians who choose
>>700363
And now, to be the most unbiased as possible, I will sacrifice a live goat and read its entrails for information
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>700379
My inner goat says Orc!
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>700379
The goat will obviously choose the elf kid
>>700379
just saying that goat and skelebool share same skeleton
>>700379
The neighborhood says sacrificing live goats is not allowed as they frown upon animal cruelty. Unless it's for food then it's fair game. But since this is not for food, I'll just have to listen to the goat's wisdom
Yes, yes Mr Goat. Hmm hmmm, alright, I see.
>>700398
WHAT DOES THE GOAT SAYS ?
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>700398
Goat confirmed as next MC
Rolled 2 (1d4)
>>700403
"Random Orc 1, Skelebro 2, Elf Kid 3, El Skelebool 4"
>>700415
goat is biased
I like him already
>>700415
And so the next guy is this fucker. Running around the city protecting the skelemanlets from paladins
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>700415
Objection! Skeletons are lame!
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>700424
you have one yourself tho
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>700429
And it's super lame, just like the rest of me!
Alright so yeah, updates are here:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
yadda yadda, see you next time, yadda yadda
>>700243
Fagget ass muncher hypocrite.
>>700437
Oh no the fingers are becoming a singularity.
>>700444
Ah shit
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>700452
RUN SKELEBOOL TELL THE OTHERS
>>700452
space police gives us warning about not controlling NPCs
>>700455
space time singularity police I mean
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>700466
hello darkness my old friend
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>700466
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
EVEN THE CHILD WAS NOT SPARED
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>700474
Red screen of death
RIP time for civ thing 2
>>700437
Thanks for thread. Update your shit!
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>700474
ENHANCE
>>700474
Wow I bet this was easy to make
>>700474
#patriotism
bye
>>700483
I already did
>>700490
It all makes sense nowbye
>>700490
it's been awhile since patriotic quest actually
that's why we need realrobo to win
>>700494
K bye
God this took far more time than I thought it would
>>700508
>Orc had 0 chance of being pointed at
Kek
>>700515
>>700518
I choose mystery box
>>700523
No box in sightHow OP can draw so fast is beyond me
>>700552
Vietnamese voodoo secrets
I just woke up, please tell me next adventure is Orc
ah shit no. Orc Quest never ever.
>>700561
Skeeltal
>>700569
Never Orcs
But we did play a waifu today. A scary one, but one.
>>700561
yeah orc keeps getting shafted
>>701513
Maybe it's because in Civ Thing 1 it was the orcs who shafted everyone else
>>701513
Not as bad as dragons where the only choice is Messiah who just happens to have been degraded from Hero unit to Support unit
>>701522
really? because barbs have been trying to shaft every one else.
It was a mystery box that did this, you would have done the same thing.
>>701525
all in all saltyness is the real culprit
>>701556
Not really, just because there's a box doesn't mean I'll have open it
>>701582
If there's a mystery box it has to be opened.
It could hold anything, it could even hold a mystery box.
>>701618
Yes but there were very clear instructions to not open it
>>701641
I have no regrets.
Besides it sorta felt like you were getting ready to end Civ Thing,I mean what was that over 20,000 posts, so what better way than giving you a reason.Totally not just late justification for fucking up rolls
>>701659
Can't we all just agree it was Dice God fuckery?
>>701897
Nah, only on the saving rolls it was.
>>701897
It's all the Orcs fault
>>702216
>we had no choice but to look in the box.
>>702327
>Lost our mud huts
>lost our forest had
>to live with Manlets
>became nomads.
Yeah choices were limited
>>702345
The orcs were always nomads. They switched settlements several times even when it wasn't completely needed. Also I'm 99% sure that when the orcs were looking at the mystery box, none of them said 'hi we should use this against the barbarians as a weapon' or anything like that. The orcs just looked in because it because why not.
>>702369
You find out what's in the box first and then you plan around it.Fuck saitama though he cost us our hair in our final turns.
>>702390
IIRC only one Orc actually wanted to look inside the box at the time and any others were at least somewhat skeptical. Although I can't remember the name of the Orc who did want to look in the box if that was the case.
Last time I tried to wage a one-barb war against the king, I was drowned in spiders, the ate the spiders, then got wiped out. Status report for now?
>>702369
Orcs don't have that much brain power of strategy. You know we were limited in our choice making. If you gonna play the part play it right.
>>702441
I thought the Orcs were traveling north to find a safe place to build up without being molested by other tribes like the Elves did after being beaten by the Barbs.
>>702457
We couldn't make a decision, Barbs just kept chasing us to kill us. One Orc said look in the box while I was asleep.
>>702457
Original plan was to become nomads with a traveling caravan.
Then the kingbox happened and it became go as far north and as far away from the citadel as possible.
>>702467
It was Emergency Orc
>>702369
Orcs lost everything, that was literally the reason why we decided for Box, there was nothing worse that could happen to us. We were barely a handful (We were like 6 or 4 in game), 5 jason swords were looking for us, and the Manlets have formed an alliance with the Humans effectively kicking us out, expected worst case scenario we were gonna leave the box, have the dragons, humans, and gobbos deal with it and cut our losses since it's not like we were ever gonna bounce back.
>>702457
That was the plan, then we opened the box. Honest, it's not like we had any idea that it was gonna fucking end the game.
>>703933
The Jasons were pretty fucking irrelevant lmao
>>703947
Skeletons would have rekt them cuz they had no blood to steal
>>703947
The Jason Swords were pretty irrelevant. There were like 5 chasing after the elves but not a single one ever reached us.
>>704081
They we're probably gonna show up whenever there was a low roll for scouting.
>>704794
So any Barb roll
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>705353
rolling >80 for overruling "any"
>>705386
welp
>>705397
Yup
>>705386
Out of how many scouts you guys did, how many actually succeeded?
I vaguely remember you guys barely scraping a good result by a few numbers
>>705622
I don't honestly remember exact number of total scouts. I think there was less than 10 but around 8.
Actually successful were two scouts(?), one with Brock Temple, don't remember other one.
All others, aside one negative result, were jack-shit results.
>>705677
We found Brock Temple with Hat, then we found the Dangerous Beast hunting ground that we used for grinding.
>>705782
We did good with one scouting, we got the manlets freedom in this quest, we got a hat we should really reclaim for Holy reasons, and we got a really nice swordthat came back to try and kill us all.
>>705782
why do you think we focused on being aggressive against other tribes? Precisely because after failing this many scout rolls while others got better results - at least I thought that we have no other choice but to be aggressive, otherwise we'd never catch up.
>>705779
completely forgot about that
>>705826
I thought it was because you were a hate driven character who wanted be a dick to other players in a order to get more (you)'s.
>>705900
well, that wasn't my intention, but I can see how I could be seen like that.
>>705900
alsowhy not both?
>>706071
if I'd wanted (You) that bad - there are other easier ways to get them.
>>706089
What would that be?
>>706101
just go and post on /v/ in console wars or waifu threads
>>706116
>Making your own quest
>easy
I thought of that, but I don't have tenacity and enough motivation
I prefer just draw robots
>>706138
Okay yeah maybe that was a bad pick for "easy".
Still it seems to work out well for NaP, I mean look at how many replies he got during the final bit of Civ thing.
>>706152
and enough salt to send him to hospital
but yeah, Civ thing was huge success
>>705900
No. We legit had no better way to progress. We had shit scout rolls, but amazing murder rolls
>>706421
I mostly remember the Barbarians slaughtering animals like river snakes, collecting their skulls and building up spells like meteor spam. When the Barbs did attack the Elves head on, it ended in defeat or a stalemate. The Orc fights I remember being more interesting overall but not amazing victories for the Barbs.
>>706421
well I wouldn't call it amazing, around 50/50
we had quite a bit of failed attacks
>>706456
I think we won only two attacks against orcs. when they were meeting with elves and when we attacked lone orc which was just standing near village.
all other hand to hand battles end in our defeat or stalemate.
Meteor attack was made partly out of fear cause at that moment orcs had way too high attack bonus and were located near us.
>>706491
What that time after you launch a meteor on the old forest the orcs were occupying and it actually succeeded. I remember the orcs heading east for revenge and the Barbs west to finish off the orcs with both tribes meeting each other in the open. I remember that either in a stalemate favoring the barbarian or a barbarian victory.
>>706545
dunno, my memory is quite shit for most part. Maybe Hats will clarify better than me.
>>706491
Glad you agreed with the Meteor idea. It was a lot of arm twisting to convince you to grind.
>>706545
Original plan was to try and put an end to all those fucking space rocks that came down every other goddamn turn, but we got our ass whooped and instead we tried to make a caravan home so you couldn't ever really zero in on us with more spacerocks.
>>706545
Barbs won by killing Fred the Unicorn. It was 3 orcs vs the entire Barb tribe. Orc bonus was so high the entire population almost stalemated against 3 Orcs. Wanpan and a female Orc escaped.
The same turn, elves fed the Orcs that stayed with them to the mutant forest.
>>706555
we'll never know how'd barbatroopers would do tho
oh well.
>>706567
To be honest the Orcs deserved it. They knocked out our champion and doomed our forest. It just felt right to kill the orcs with us when their population got devastated.
Ps I'm Elf without hemp/Hemp chewing Elf
>>706583
you are no fun
>>706603
We did Rock Music, which we originally rhought would be more useless
>>706631
well it was more SANE idea, that's why we did it.
>>706660
That too.
So... how will we make the Official Canon into Canon Solidhat and forever embed ourselves in NaP history much to the salt of every other player?
We already made Barbmom Greg's mom. Should we futher taint the lorepool?
>>706678
Stop dissing the OP.
>>706678
Let's not go the George Lucas route.
I don't want CGI barbmom tripping the king in the final battle of Kingslayer.
>>706714
But we need to give the Kings Brother eyelids to blink! And Lolisniffer didnt shoot first!
>>706753
>implying lolisniffer is a faster shot than texas
>>706770
Not fast enough to not get raped 6 times
>>706678
Who the fuck is Canon Solidhat
>>707244
That's a good question. Let's wait and see the Barbarians response.
>>707244
The arena barb who got stabbed to death in the arena by the centaur. Canon won the roll in that story
>>707574
The hell does that have to do with the other Canon
>>707708
Whatever our imaginations do with it, dammit!
Why are you so grouchy today?
>>707722
What, because I use swear words means I'm grouchy now fucker?
Besides the arena barb is dead anyway.
>>707750
Yea. Ya grouch.
Also... altered history, blah blah blah
>>712162
>altering history when you're already dead
>>703947
that's because they didn't show up till the end of the quest, and by the time they showed up. There was barely a handful of turns left until we fucked up the saving roll.
>>713167
Grrrruuuummmmpppp
*thanks for the skeleton*
Alright, who's here for skeletons
>>719662
I'm here for Orcs but skeletons are fine
>>719662
I'm here with my totally unbiased actions
Alright, next protag, Skelebro, protecting skelemanlets from paladins. Currently managed to find a secluded hiding spot in a corner of the city to rest and regroup, what do?
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>719688
Punch self in face
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>719688
start punching ourselves furiously in the groin
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>719688
silently punch self in the face and check current stats and skills and party
>>719696
Your buddy, Skelebro Jr., has also gone missing
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>719702
Have the skelemanlets scout ahead and see if it's safe to come out. They're smaller so they can hide easier.
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>719702
Any clues where Skelebro jr can be?
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>719702
Try and use your skelesense to find out his rattling.
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>719702
Why do they hate us ;_;
>>719704
Right, right, scouting.
Roll 2d100 for results, first is pickings, second is decider.
1-19: totally not safe
20-69: not safe
70-99: safe
100: sweet loot
Rolled 80, 2 = 82 (2d100)
>>719718
scouting! What can pooooossibly go wrong
>>719720
nice been knowing ya mini skelle bros
Rolled 57, 7 = 64 (2d100)
>>719718
barbs will never oroll high
Rolled 21, 17 = 38 (2d100)
>>719718
Give them a cardboard box also
Truly scouting for barbs is cursed, it's fucking cursed
>>719733
so cursed that it stole the picture
>>719739
But this is
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>719741
OH NO RUN BACK AND HOPE HE DOESN'T FOLLOW YOU BACK TO YOUR GROUP!
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>719741
SWARM HIM
POWER OF NUMBERS
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>719741
Loudly yell "WE DINDU NUFFIN, #SKELETONUNLIVESMATTER"
>>719743
Attempting to protect skelemanlets while they make their escape
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>719751
Taunt paladins so they switch all attention on you!
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>719751
SKELECHOMP THE PALADIN'S FINGERS SO YOU CAN TAKE THE HAMMER
>>719755
This gave the skelegobs the chance to slink into the darkness
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>719762
now save your own bones and escape yourself
try to create a commotion, look for a crowd to hide in.
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>719762
throw our head towards the manlet, we can find a new body but first we need to escape!
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>719766
But since you used your taunting to get the attention of paladins, escaping them entails....rolling the second number higher than my number
Roll 2d100
Eh probably not hard
Rolled 69, 10 = 79 (2d100)
>>719778
ez
Rolled 59, 55 = 114 (2d100)
>>719778
muh rolls
>>719778
I mean c'mon, it would be a a miracle to lose this
>>719780
That was kinda close though, the fuck
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>719792
Ayyyy
Let's regroup with our manlets
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>719792
living on the edge.
escape further, make sure that paladins lose track fo you
>>719793
Now wwhere did they run off to
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>719801
Look behind you, they were hiding in plain sight
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>719801
We should also look for Skelebool, Fred, the skeletized Barbarian Ex-Chief, and our Skeledragon so we're not as weak. Where did we last saw them?
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>719801
look around you, which buildings have a nice deep basements. Preferably filled with tinkering.
also just saying that there was pedo skeleton sighted
we need him in our party.
for lolisniffing reasons
>>719805
Ah yes, those guys. Lessee. El Skelebool was last seen outside the city, Fred managed to escape into the sewers, Barbarian Ex-chief status is unknown while Boss Skeledragon managed to fly to some mountains in the South
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>719813
To the sewers we go!
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>719813
EXPLORE THE SEWERS
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>719813
Is this a collect-a-thon now? How many manlets do we have to find? Maybe one is hidden in this barrel.
>>719815
Well, the nearest sewer opening has 2 guards near it
"Man, I met an elf kid yesterday"
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, the kid was going shopping or something and then started asking for prostitutes n shit"
"wat"
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>719823
Whistle to distract one of them, when he comes by the corner, stealthily take him out by choking him.
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>719823
throw a rock to distract them
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>719823
distract by throwing voice
>>719827
"Hey, you heard that?"
"Yeah, sounds kinda like a rock thrown to distract us so we'd leaved out posts to go check it out"
"So, you wanna go check it out?"
"Yeah sure"
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>719832
Descend into the sewer while they're distracted.
Rolled 22, 3 = 25 (2d100)
>>719833
WELP CANT BEAT THAT, UNLESS I BRING DOUBLE 100S
Backflip into sewer
>>719833
YOu are now down in the sewers
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>719838
light a torch or find one off a wall sconce
>>719838
look around for secret passages, whistling good old rock music tunes
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>719838
Shout and see if any manlets respond
>>719841
Kinda strange since skeletons don't even have eyes. But anyway, light.
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>719847
search around for clues left by Fred
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>719847
We roll to find our manlets
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>719847
Time to follow some tracks
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>719847
Sing a cute and catchy pop song from the east lure out Fred
>>719851
Following some tracks
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>719858
those some nice tunes actually
appreciate Fred's taste
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>719858get a raging clue
>>719863
"GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH IS THATTAWAY, FUCK!"
Rolled 58 (1d100)
>>719868
GO THAT WAY
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>719868
go in general direction of THATTAWAY
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>719868
THANKS RAGING CLUE
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>719875
sup
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>719875
nice daki
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>719875
Ask him about what he knows
>>719876
"Just down here chillin' while enjoying these eastern scrolls brah"
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>719880
oh shit is that tentacle porn?
let me see
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>719880
"ancient" my ass
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>719880
wanna move out of city together
running from paladins got old
>>719882
"Yes, I suppose your ass is pretty ancient"
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>719886
So you want to live here or escape from this city?
>>719887
"Hmmm, let's see. Stay here in the sewers, secretly reading the eastern scrolls while fearing for my unlife, never knowing when will a paladin bust in and catch me in the middle of perusing some sick eastern porn. Or escape and freely read estern scrolls, never knowing when will a tribemember bust in and catch me in the middle of perusing some sick eastern porn...well gee, I dunno"
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>719895
The latter, we've got to free our other skeleton brothers
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>719895
Why not stop reading the sick eastern scrolls?
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>719895
We could always just go to their church and convert to their religion and not deal with any of this shit. I heard they gave you your waifus in the afterlife.
>>719900
you are talking crazy
>>719899
"well okay.....what about our human ones?"
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>719906
Do they still like us?
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>719906
can't trust meatbags
>>719908
"well okay, fuck 'em then"
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>719909
Get geared up with Fred's weeaboo equipment
equip the daki on your back
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>719909
search for skelemanlets together
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>719909
What would happen if we surrendered to the paladins, would they kill us or convert us..I wonder.
>>719912
"Gimme a bit, gotta pack up my stuff"
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>719914
We look out for any possible intruders, spies, or paladins that could have followed us
>>719917
Fred silently stares at you in contempt
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>719919
forget I said anything
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>719919
break his horn off
>>719920
"Yeah, sure. Sure"
But deep down inside, both you and he knows that this was something that can mever be forgotten.
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>719925
Rub his horn
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>719930
now break it off
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>719930
Alright, time to search for manlets
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>719930
let's leave and find the skelemanlets already
>>719931
"What?! HOw dare you?!"
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>719935
Stuff it into his eye hole
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>719935
Now they won't recognize you, durr
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>719935
attach it to one of your many cloak shoulder horns
"Sorry, bad habit"
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>719935
put it back
>>719940
Aw man, it's not going back
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>719943
ducttape it
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>719943
Use the special glue that the easterners have
>>719945
The hell's ducttape
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>719950
magic
I mean it's orc. their stuff holds together with literal magic cause they can't build shit otherwise.
it's just doesn't show as skill, being a perk of the race
Rolled 4 (1d100)
Hah. This is going well!
>>719950
Ask about his dance troupe
>>719953
Yeah but you aint an orc. PLus all their crap stays together with hardened mud anyway. Or ropes. Anyway
"I HAVE FIGURED IT OUT NOW, THE INSULTS TO SUPERIOR EASTERN CULTURE, THE BREAKING OF MY HORN. YOU ARE A TRAITOR! YOU HAVE JOINED THE KINGDOM, HAVEN'T YOU?! TRAITOR!"
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>719961
bash in the skeleorcs skull with a rock
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>719961
NO
THAT'S NOT TRUE
WE HAVE NO AFFILIATION TO HOODED BONES
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>719961
Paladins show up.
"Nope."
Run!
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>719961
nigga you high
I risked my bones for skelemanlets, they'll tell
also eastern shit banned in kingdom, I gain nothing from insulting it.
>>719966
>Paladins show up.you can't control NPCs
>>719965
"AH HAH! YOU OUTRIGHT ADMITTED YOU NO LONGER FOLLOW OUR CHIEF! YOU FUCKING TRAITOR! SCUM! ASSHOLE! JERK! WUSS! TERRIBLE ROCK THROWER!"
>>719970
We did during barbmom quest, didnt we?
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>719972
He is clearly gone insane via solitude, Bash in his skull and kill him
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>719972
Smash skull in with his own horn
>>719973
No
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>719972
Use our magic to reattach Fred's horn.
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>719972
Fine, stay in the sewer.
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>719972
Hooded Bones is leading the charge of purging us not-captured skeletons!
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>719972
calm the fuck down, I'm not.
I just like horns on my armor, habit
these diplomatic efforts doesn't pay off
>>719977
"WHAT? SO YOU CAN BETRAY THEM TOO?! I WON'T LET YOU!"
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>719989
REVERSE SUPLEX
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>719989
Time fer a tussle
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>719989
goddamit, it's not the time to fight between ourselves.
are you gone insane, orc? Your eastern tomes heros are disappointed.
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>719999
now smash his skull into dust
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>719999
Shove his horn in his mouth so he can't speak
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>719999
punch some sense into him
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>720009
and convince him that we has nothing to deal with paladins, kingdom and other meatbag bullshit
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>720009
DECAPITATE HIS HEAD FROM HIS BODY WITH A HOOK
>>720012
But then you got punched before you get to say anything
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>720017
god fucking dammit, can't reason with orcs
just punch sense into him till he become either sensible or senseless
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>720017
fuck, this shit you weeb.
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>720023
Alright, proper fightin' n shit
Roll 2d100, you how it goes, be higher than my shitty number, easy
Rolled 21, 54 = 75 (2d100)
>>720027
FUCK YOU WEEABOO
Rolled 28, 22 = 50 (2d100)
>>720027
so who do you called wuss again, idiot?
Rolled 12, 89 = 101 (2d100)
>>720027
Rip and tear
Rolled 55, 20 = 75 (2d100)
>>720027
>>720029
[muffled "you" punctuated by a quick dodge and counter]
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>720038
keep exchanging blows and become best bros
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>720038
ROLL AGAIN FOR ANOTHER PUNCH
FUCK HIM UP
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>720039
Exchanging blows, roll 2d100 again
Rolled 3, 82 = 85 (2d100)
>>720043
YOUR FAVORITE ANIME IS SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
Rolled 54, 4 = 58 (2d100)
>>720043
FISTS OF FRIENDSHIP
Rolled 27, 23 = 50 (2d100)
>>720043
crush his skull
>>720045
Not only did you fail to establish friendship, you are also getting yo ass beat
Rolled 50, 17 = 67 (2d100)
>>720049
WHY CAN'T YOU STOP BEING A WEEEEB
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>720049
Apologize profusely. The skelegobbos are more important right now
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>720049
SKELEBRO JR
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?
SAVE US
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>720049
and here I thought I'll have someone to watch Mobile Golem Rockdam together
kick his dakimakura
>>720053
MEANWHILE
"Yes, yes. So joining the guild gives free dental care huh? Hmmm"
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>720056
Oral hygiene is always important. Sign up.
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>720056
nah, fuck dental
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>720056
unfortunately we are not Skelebro Jr, return to us getting our ass beat, accept defeat and wait for Fred to calm down. Dude did beat Wan Pan
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>720056
"what other benefits do I get?"
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>720056
Your best friend is missing. Dont be selfish!
>>720057
As you express the importance of dental hygiene, Fred knocks out all your teeth
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>720067
spirit call your lawyer
>>720068
"IT WAS A COLLECTORS ITEM YOU UNCULTURED SWINE" yelled Fred as he chewed through the horn in his mouth in his rage. He is also hitting you much harder now. To the point that you may be getting a game over
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>720078
CALL HIS WAIFU CUTE
IT MIGHT WORK
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>720078
Bro apologises
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>720078
He uses the "leg drop of shitty click bait journalism destroyer"a la Hulk Hogan
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>720078
try to get away from him or something, distract him with singing Love-Love Babb-chan
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>720081
Alright, roll 2d100 to apologize. Shouldn't be too hard. I mean c'maaan.
Rolled 28, 52 = 80 (2d100)
>>720089
cute waifu by the way
Rolled 10, 37 = 47 (2d100)
>>720089
yeah, what can POSSIBLY go wrong with 2d100 rolls today, anyway
Rolled 94, 89 = 183 (2d100)
>>720089
do it with the simple "lie down, roll, try not to cry, cry a lot"
>>720094
>finally good 2d roll
>probably too late
welp
>>720090
YOur apology falls on deaf ears as Fred smashes you into dust.
Game Ovah.
Shit.
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>720100
hey, switch us to skelebro jr
also you forgot your image again
>>720100
Fred smashed you so hard the picture got smashed too
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>720105
Switch to Skelebro JR
>>720105
That sucks. Skelebro was the ONLY noble wild barb and he gets fucked by shit rolls.
Sounds like Prince Impo
>>720107
There is no quicksave.
Oh well, such is life. Time for character select.
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>720113
mystery box option please
>>720112
Skeletons can be slain by skeletons if skeletons smash skeletons into skeleton dust
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>720113
use mods to expand character select choice
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>720113
Elf Mom
>>720115
And the mystery box reveals...A dragon 1 day before being brutally murdered via anal penetration
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>720121
Elf Kid then
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>720121
orc
totally not for revenge purposes
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>720121
Dragon AP victim.
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>720121
El skelebool
I petition that this Adventure is not canon!
The Dance Troupe died in first adventure! Greg was part of it
>>720125
Like...Barb-chan from the national sensation Love-Love Barb-chan.
But that'd be too stupid even for this adventure. Let's just pretend this post is invisible.
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>720134
no way OP you sneaky snake
Barbarian mahou shoujo it is
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>720134
RABU RABU BARBU-CHAN
ONEGAI
LOCK IN
>>720133
No he wasn't
Well anyway, character choosing time, yes yes yes
>>720138
If we go back to your dance troupe panel, he wassss
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>720139
YOU WANNA PLAY DIRTY OP?
FINE, CHOOSE THE DRAGONBUT WILL BE MODDED AS THE MAHOU SHOUJO
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>720139
LOVE-LOVE BARB-CHAN
LOCK IN
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>720139
Skelebool, all jokes aside
>>720141
No we wasn't, I have the archives on hand. And I drew it. the shit you talkkin about
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>720139
ORC ORC ORC
Wow, so many different votes, dragon, orc, skelebool, however shall we pick??? Time for me to roll a dice again
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>720148
>Orcs never ever
>It's gonna be another Skeleton/Elf Quest
>>720145
Bottom panel
>>720148
Okaaay
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>720148
LOVE LOVE BARB-CHAN
SELECT HER
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>720148
Orcbut mod him as a princess, a regular one
>>720150
That's not what gregs skull looks like, dumbo
>>720154
Nigga. I meant to say Fred cuz im retarded.
Alright, now first. Groups who'd like which character, put that chaaracter in your namefiled. Then decide amongst yourselves waht number would you like between 1 and 4
>>720156
Of course you are. Because if you weren't, you'd have figured that's why Fred is said to have "managed to escape into the sewers"
>>720159
1 FOR THE WIN.
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>720159
Love-Love Barb-Chan
#1
>>720159
You win OP.
I grovel for forgiveness.
>>720159
number 2 cause whythefucknot
How many posts an these threads go in /qst/ btw
>>720160
Welp damnit fuck. I forgot my name and placed it on the options box. I guess 3 is always free
>>720162
It's okay my son, i forgive you. Here, have a hat.
>>720167
give that hat to the character we will play as
>>720167
Yaaay
I must celebrate
Anyway, we all got our, hmm, numbers. Have we?
>>720172
and?
Rolled 3 (1d3)
>>720172
Alright, rollan
1 - Barb-chan. What's that? I have no idea what you're talking about. But you mentioned Barb so obviously you meant El Skelebool
2 - Dragon 1 day before being brutally murdered via anal penetration. Also a female but that's not important.
3 - Some orc in the arena. Time period: before joining the paladins. Mission: Fight barbs to pass time.
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>720178
WOOOHOOOO ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS
>>720178
Welp. Time to be bored to death
>>720178
Eyyya look, itsa Orc. See you-a next time.
Updatesa:
https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>720181
nigga keep running the thread
>>720183
But there's all this video games I have to play
>>720181
>another orc
what a shamemake it a hermaphrodite
>>720184
You didnt earn them with such a quick kill off
>>720186
also I guess technically just 1 Elves but it got 2 playthroughs.
>>720184
nigga please
you've got time to run another thread
keep going
>>720186
alright jeez
I just wanted to make things interesting, I dunno
>>720187
Well barbarians didn't really do much to earn ahving 4 runs so maybe I should just remove them from the choice pool
>>720193
Nooooooooo
>>720193
OrcPoliticianrunning for mayor of orctown or wherever they liveMAKE ORCS GREAT AGAIN
>>720195
Fuckit, let's erase everything, buh huh huh
>>720198
fug
what now?
>>720201
ORCS.
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>720198
Deep sea quest?
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>720203
real robo quest fucking when
I waiting for years already
>>720201
Now OP sits on his fat ass and plays video games like the useless piece of shit that he is
>>720206
God of War was soooo 5 years ago
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>720206
wait that game
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>720206
power shortage happens
>>720206
I shall call OP a console peasant
That..that..that will show him!
>>720211
You dont even need to roll. Its inevitable.
Lololololol
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>720217
Let's play it
>>720215
Barbs are no longer playable forever
>>720217
I prefered Destroy All Manlets
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>720217
ENHANCE
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>720217
Nah, let's play ColdGate Tycoon
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>720224
"CIS scum/10, it's sexist" - Anita the whore
"Not enough black orcs" - Cucktaku
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>720224I have no idea who this orc is let's go play it lads
>>720225
Wow these reviews blows
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>720229
It rains
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>720229
that must mean it's good. PLAY THAT SHIT
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>720229
go on 4ching to shitpost
>>720232
Loading save, doop doop dooop...
Orc is currently in cell, waiting for next fight. And maybe contemplating the menaing of life, probably
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>720235
pray to the Orc god
"food, pls"
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>720235
pres any key
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>720235
Press A to win
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>720235
input "Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start"
>>720244
What are those
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>720248
whatever
talk to your centaur gladiator partner
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>720248
Think about your waifu
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>720248
magic words for summoning superpower
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>720248
the button presses necessary to trigger the cheat to unlock your waifu as your companion duh
>>720250
Wait that's not right
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>720255
So who or what will you fight against next?
do you have a party member or somethin
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>720255
your waifu is obviously love-love orc-chan
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>720255
Imagine harder.
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>720255
lewd
>>720257
errrm
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>720262
Stop that, we are weirding out the other gladiators
btw what is our name
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>720262
perfect
fight with the spirit of your waifu in mind
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>720262
l-lewd
Get pumped up for the next battle because of your love for Love-Love Orc-Chan
>>720263
oh wow, how often can I get a 1
>>720265
Yes, let's use that to defeat Barbarian Firespear
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>720273
POCKET SAND
throw dirt from the ground to extinguish his firespear
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>720273
ORKORKORK!!!!
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>720273
call him a wuss
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>720273
Our own mighty spear stands tall ready for battle,the one in our pantsI'm talking about our penus
>>720273
>has a neckbeard
Awe man
>>720275
That suppose to be ORCORCORC...
>>720282
>Specifically because of the Lololololol part. That's just inexcusable
goddamit hats
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>720284
the arena announcer starts the match
Your opponent is called "Fire up my Butt"
Your name is "Onion Layers" even though you are not an ogre
>>720283
Nigga you do dumb shit too. At least I didnt use an emoticon
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>720284
Our own mighty spear stands tall ready for battle,the one between our legsI'm talking about our dick
>>720285
Entrance music plays
>SOMEBODY
>>720290
Once told me!
>>720289
"Hi, it's me, Richard."
>>720288
>At least I didnt use an emoticon
if you added emoticon, barbs would be cleansed from existence of universe
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>720292
Double Team!
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>720292
find third orc and do JET STREAM ATTACK
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>720292
We double team the firespear dude while thinking about our waifus
>>720295
"AND IN THIS CORNER, THE ORC CALLED DICKFACEWHODOESN'TKNOWHECAN'TCONTROLNPCS"
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>720303
Signal to the other Orc that we're gonna double team the firespear dude for a combined attack
>>720302
Step out of the car, put your hands on the wal, spread your buttcheeks and put your teeth on the curb.
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>720303
Our wang protudes from down under
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>720303
chuck Richard towards your opponent screaming
"GET OUTTA MAH SWAMP"
>>720308
"Ey, Dickfacewhodoesn'tknowhecan'tcontrolNPCs. The shit is protude"
>>720314
Picture was lost in the down under land of Australia.
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>720318
AW SHIT NIGGA
TRIPLE TEAM THAT FIRESPEAR BARB
ULTIMATE ATTACK
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>720318
Don't forget about peter, wily, and dong.
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>720326
I'll just try to get high rolls so you won't feel as lucky with yours anymore
>only barbarian who literally did nothing wrong was me all along.
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>720328
Barb burns himself to death with his own fire spear by accident, because you know, fucking barbs are retarded
you win, i guess
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>720328
exp SCREEN
for our party members
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>720328
grab that spear
To our OP who art in 'Nam
NaP be thyne name.
The Kingdom comes
Thy will be done in salt as it is in hell
Give us our weekly quest
Forgive us our salt and others who bring salt to us.
Amen
>>720330
nigga, are you retarded
stop controlling NPCs
Rolled 73 (1d100)
oh fuck
I should stop visiting these threads with a phone, I guess
>>720330
"More like you're retarded because yous till can't figure that you can't control NPCs! Eh? Eh? Im I right guys? Eh? C'mon!"
I think I have figgured out Op's 'Can't control NPC rule'
You just got to ask yourself these questions before you try to do so
>is what you want the NPC to do retarded?
>is it out of character?
>Will it cause OP to have to put more effort into thinking or drawing?
If yes to any of these Three questions then the rule applies, if No then NPC control away
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>720339
Whack his face in with the microphone stand
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>720339
booo
booooooo
my grandma makes better comedy
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>720344
DEDICATE THIS FIGHT TO YOUR WAIFU
LOVE-LOVE ORC-CHAN
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>720344
Victory Screen showing our party's stats
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>720344
use microphone to sing your favorite songs
>>720348
>>720347
Roll 2d100, get double 100 and all sins are forgiven
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>720355
We start to manifest our waifu in real life but only we can see her
Rolled 7, 92 = 99 (2d100)
>>720355
eh, what can possibly go wrong
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>720362
sew dakimakura of her
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>720362
Hahahahaha
Let's fight our next match
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>720362
Ask waifu for prophetic fortune for the future
Rolled 15, 83 = 98 (2d100)
>>720355
>>720368
Oh no, it's the acient Dickface Warbeast
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>720380
Tame it
we've tamed beasts greater than this in the past
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>720380
try to offer your hand in friendship over the fact being both called Dickface.
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>720380
ride it
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>720384
Roll 2d100. Surely your sentient brain can make friends with its simple minded animal one
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>720391
rip Dickface, we hardly knew ya.
Rolled 86, 86 = 172 (2d100)
>>720391
MUH WAIFU
SAVE ME AND GIVE ME A BONUS
Rolled 86, 33 = 119 (2d100)
>>720391
>inb4 get a winning roll
>get ignored
>orcs dead
that'd be fun
rip orcs
Rolled 38, 30 = 68 (2d100)
>>720391
>>720393
The End
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>720401
gg
You up to do ONE more character this thread, Paladin?
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>720401
roll to transfer control to Dick or Wang
Rolled 46, 47 = 93 (2d100)
>>720404
AND NOW, AN EXCLUSIVE BEHIND-THE-SCENES LOOK AT THE CIV THING AFTERMATH SET. WITH THE PROTAG BEING:
- Guy who played barbarians
- Guy who played Manlets
- Guy who played Orcs
- Skeleton who played skeletons
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>720417
Mystery box
Rolled 84 (1d100)
I'm guessing once we exhaust all our character choices we'll be going to the Final Episode? (Unless OP reveals more mystery boxes anyway)
like this >>72041
also rolling for this>>720421
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>720410
skeleton
>>720417
Orcs are a myth!?!?
>>720427
obviously
>>720421
woaheyyy, what mystery box, there's none here
>>720427
Too expensive to get real orcs. Much cheaper to have humans dress up as orcs. Orc film unions have claimed the production to be "biased" and "human-washing"
>>720428
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>720432
LOWER LEFT MYSTERY BOX LOCK IN. Also, are Elves just CGI?
>>720432
what about dragons OP?
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>720432
Bottom left corner, mystery box
LOCK IN
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>720432
the one who played barbs lock in confirm
>>720436
CGI
>>720436
They're CGI
>>720445
voice to text speech
>>720435
Ah yes, the actress that plays every sigle female role so far.
On that note and >>720445, the elf guys and dragon voice actor/mocap actor called in sick today
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>720449
Yeah pick her. Lock In!
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>720449
wow, what a cutie
select her
>>720454
Ah yes, you're in the middle of an interview.
"So, what it's like being the only female in a sausage fest production?"
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>720460
It's interesting
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>720460
they all were wusses who afraid of women anyway
piece of cake
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>720460
screw that, how did you get so swole to play Barb Mom yet still be slim enough to play Elf Mom?
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>720460
Too many dicks
>>720465
YOu then divulge your secret of having a very strict personal trainer and regime. Plus those episodes were filmed out of order.
"erm yes, but that..wasnn't..the question.."
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>720473
The Elf Kid was an annoying little shit
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>720473
that also gave you split personality
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>720473
did you really have sex with the guy who does mocap for Psycho Elf?
>>720479
You then tell of the annoying child actor who plays the Elf Kid and how annoying he is. Like that one time:
"Eyyy "mom", I'm hungry. Gimme sum milk, mwah mwah"
>>720485
so... who has the biggest dick of the guys of who play the Tribe Members?
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>720485
all barbs were ok guys tho.
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>720487
fuck I never rolled
>>720487
"Wait, waht? Why are you asking me this?" asked the interviewer
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>720497
Cuz you didnt ask me a question
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>720497
spill the beans, faggot
barbmom mode activated
you need to guess carefully
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>720497
tell him that the manlet actors had the biggest dicks surprisingly
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>720501
rolling for this since barbs don't count
>>720497
"Anyway, back to questions. Polls show that barbarians stil got the majority vote in popularity. What do you think of this? And do you think that you may ahve a hand in that?"
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>720509
cause they are great guys, of course they are popular
also slighty bad boys attitude, girls love that
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>720509
Barbs simply are the strongest but they're retarded as fuck
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>720509
because everyone loves the useless underdogs
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>720509
Hax
>>720511
"Yes, I suppose that makes them appealing to the common folk. In your opinion, which tribe is best tribe?"
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>720519
Barbarians. Barbmom is best mom. I was so buff!
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>720519
The manlets
Since they're pretty smart
Goblin Rider is one of the best actors we have on set
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>720519
Barbarians obviously
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>720519
Orcs, they worship waifus like me
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>720519
orcs of course
>>720523
"Ah yes, I see. Next. Since you're the only actress on set, have you had any problems so far?"
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>720528
everyone is gay so no one tries to hit on me
>>720529
good one
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>720528
The orcs are disgusting perverts
they keep calling me their 'waifu'
>>720529
"Even the barbarians with their overtly macho persona?"
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>720536
Especially the barbarians, they keep sneaking off set to have gay orgies
>>720536
they eat a LOT if penis
but I'm not one to judge...
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>720536
we are just content with themselves and replaced our natural instincts with rock throwing
>>720536
Especially the Barbarians
>>720543
This would make headline the next day.
"Anyway, this production is advertised as being "historically accurate". While critics seem to be of the mind of it's totally not. Since historically all tribes died of pneumonia before they even came into contact with The Kingdom. What do you think?"
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>720551
that'd be boring shit if we go historically
what about ambitions? Skellies are here to prove some fun facts anyway
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>720551
NEEEEEEEEEEERDS
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>720551
ask interviewer if he wants a blowjob and sandwich
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>720551
Wouldn't've made for an interesting story if everyone died.
>>720551
were those "critics" testicle gobbling barbarians? yeah, I think so.
>>720554
"hah?"
>>720551
I retract my 'lololol's in exchange for fellow barbs to roll.
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>720560
think of it this way, if it wasnt accurate, where would we get the idea?
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>720560
actual story is booring shiiiiit for neeerds
>>720561
Then you must sign this contract my friend
>>720566
"Some say it was when the writers got high on a massive amount of drugs."
>>720571
sign "penis gobbler"
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>720573
you forgot the booze and the gay sex
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>720573
but was there enough AMBITIONS?
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>720573
that was for the dialogue.
the outline of the story is historically accurate
>>720581
"Yes, I see. Now, any final words for the fans as we wrap this up?"
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>720584
Don't do drugs, kids! Or you'll end being as salty as people in this thread!
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>720584
Look forward to my Love-Love Orc-Chan Spin-Off
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>720584
rip off shit scream into the mic
"JON CENA!"
>>720571
>>720592
"Well theere you have it folks. This has been another episode of "Cheap-ass interview with fake microphones". See you soon"
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>720604
what a filthy whore..... aw yeah
So that ends that, see you next thread, blah blah blah, yaddad yadda yadda, upadates be here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin, bing bbang boom
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>720628
whole civ thing ends?
or there yet final battle to happen?
will barb curse be lifted?
How much pizza did OP eat?
>>720640
Both the first questions is Episode 10.
Barb curse will be lifted next thread. Barbs also now officialy sucker of penises. No takebacks.
50 plus a side dish of french fries.
>>720643
>Barbs also now officialy sucker of penises. No takebacks.
fucking hats
>50 plus a side dish of french fries.
How much of a side dish we talking about OP, this is important.
Rolled 2 (1d2)
1. E
2. D
Don't mind me, just rolling for things
>>720649
Enough to sastify
>>720652
Alright, next thread: Living the scaly life to the fullest before the inevitable death by anal penetration
>>720652
>Enough to sastify
but how? in my experience no matter how much you get you always carve for more
what's your secret, OP?
>>720656
If I told you, it wouldn't be much of a secret isn't it.
>>720658
tch, you didn't fall for my trick question
my plans foiled again
>runs away into darknesss
We'll meet again!
Awee... skelebool
>>720685
Blame yourself for this tragedy
>>720688
I do. I am sorryyyy
>>720690
Don't worry, with your signing. Barbarian posts can now be taken into consideration again. Also they are now canonically huge fags. Both past, present and future.In fact, Coldgate may advertise itself as a brand of Toothpaste but in truth it's secret purpose is to hide the stench of dick.
>>720696
Sooooo much Hate.
>>720697
Ah but for barbarians, it is love.
Their love for penis.
>>720696
Even bigger fags then the Elves?
I don't consider this canonyou can't make me
>>720718
I didnt think I would be the one responsible for everything horrible. Oh well. You and Canon had your turn.
Ill own this one.
>>720711
Yes
Sad but true
>>720720
I am fine with this development, but then again I am secretly a gay scaly.
all we need now if for the barbs to start lusting after Dragon dick and I will be happy
>>720720
Ayy, so now you know how being gay feels.
>>720726
You will never be happy.
>>720727
We did musical theater. It was bound to happen.
>>720721
Wow. Barbarians suckdick
>>720720
hey, what did I do wrong?
It's all on you and senpai now. Canon while wants to kill us off, he is doing it legitimately.
>>720739
Well everyone just hates you for murderboning.
Canon is hated for derailling with good rolls
The fuck was I supposed to know that 'lolololol' was slang?
I digress. Barbs will always be the joke
jeez how did barbarians even come to existence if they lose all the time
>>720750
Bad slander***
>>720750
I don't get good rolls, just look at this thread, I don't think I got a single thing I wanted because of rolls.
Though I hope this thing finishes up soon, in 2 weeks I have to spend about a week in some Asian shithole because my uncle decided he wanted his wedding in fucking veitnam for some ass retarded reason and if I miss the end of this I will be sad since I have not missed a thread since space pirate
>>720751
Becauselolbarbarians
Also Adventure Thing 2
>Dragons next thread
We're destined to die overnight anyway, just lay some eggs in the sewers and get high
Or we can go full weeb and mimic the plot of that shitty timeloop anime where we get to load last checkpoint until we somehow stop dying
>>721613
Well you survived one thread already. Let's hope you can not die next thread.
Also holy shit barbarians are stupid.
>>721613
Well you know we can change fate and all that and talk to a converted dragon messiah to become a dragon paladin instead of just dying.
>>720791
Wait OP is Vietnamese?
that explains everything
>>723603
even poak buns?
>>723625
Especially poak buns.
>>723603
>"have not missed a thread since Space Pirate"
>took this long to realize this
I mean it's not exactly a secret, da fuck man
>>723939
I am not an intelligent man, especially when it comes to shit like that.
For example one time when I was buying a milkshake and donuts from a store I always bought them from there was a piece of paper with a name and some numbers written on it with my donuts, I didn't know what it was and threw it in the nearest trashcan.
A little over 2 years later I realised that the chick that worked there had given me her number and I had thrown it out right in front of her
>>723950
I wish I was making this up.
I am probably one of the most dense people you could ever meet.
>>723952
girls are waste of time anyway
embrace solitude
>>723955
Are there any girls in Siberia?
I don't think solitude from women is a choice there lmao
>>723952
I was doubting the girl giving you her number part
>>723984
there are, some even kinda cute.
I just stopped caring after living in 80% filled with females dorm, got sick of talking with them.
I don't have time for such bullshit anymore
>>724004
Why you so cruel OP?
>>724029
I'm asian, its my default state of mind.
That and a constant craving for dog meat
>>724009
>some
>>724117
you never realize how much make up girls wear till you go in the morning to their rooom to fix internet connection, or seeing some during semesters' test periods
How much longer until Dragon episode?
>>726309
Tomorrow, probably
>>726309
This Sundaysunday sunday sunday