HarambeQuest Part One

>>536954
B

>>536968
Second this.

>>536968
You take a sip of whisky from the night before and look at the stained mahogany table near your bed. Your gun and smoke bombs are still on it. As well as the cocaine and your platinum american express. You had to celebrate your first night out, right?

You turn on the TV and the major scoop is:

A) Terrorist attack down town in Minneola, Kansas

B) The IRA has finally managed to wrest Northern Ireland from British control.

C) The Treasures of the last Inca Emperor have been unearthed in Peru and disappeared overnight.

>>536995
C

>>536995
C

>>537013
>>537017
Oh somebody already said it.

>>536995
"Incredible!" - you gasp as you are refilling your tobacco pipe. James might need my help. You think over whether calling James is your best course of action but decicde to do it anywhere.

James is your old school buddy from Yale and the man who made all these excavations in South America possible by locally employing child laborers and paying them a pittance for the gross hour spent in the sun, digging and carrying dirt and rocks around. Some would say he is violatin human rights.

The phone toots for a few times before James' familiar voice responds:

"Hello?"

"Hey James, it's Harambe. Heard you got some heat down south. Can I offer my services?"

"Oh I am glad to hear from you!" He exclaims.
"This pinko asshole took my gold, I need you to come here and shove the socialist state up his ass, you got me? Pay half a million. More if you do it in a week."

Peru is a long way away. How will you travel there and foil this communist agenda?

A) By air. Only the best, first class.

B) On a cruise ship for retired people.

C) Stow away in a blimp.

>>537026
A

>>537076

It needs to be efficient, it needs to be fast and it needs to be luxurious. You swipe your card and before you know it you are in the plane, getting a paw rub from three stewardesses and one of them is Kate Moss.

After eating copious amounts of shrimp on the plane you touch down in Lima and ponder your first move.

A) Buy some Bananas at the local market, the reds must be there disrupting the free trade, stealing freedom from the people of Peru.

B) Go into the forests and talk with the local monkey population and their King about enlisting them in your Crusade against Communism.

C) Enjoy some local food, attend a party at the charming little restaurant near your hotel, maybe dance some salsa and schmooze with the elite, maybe you pick up some clues on the pinkos.

>>537093
C

>>537093
A) Buy some Bananas at the local market, the reds must be there disrupting the free trade, stealing freedom from the people of Peru.

>>537093
>C) Enjoy some local food, attend a party at the charming little restaurant near your hotel, maybe dance some salsa and schmooze with the elite, maybe you pick up some clues on the pinkos

>>537104
You slap on your best tux and laquered shoes and decide it's time for a night on the town. You listen to Kavinsky's Nightcall as you go down to the restaurant. The Mayor is here. As well as his wife. The Archbishop, US Ambassador and Vladimir Putin are all here.

You decide to...

A) Drink some champagne and work the room. Find some ladies.

B) Talk to Vladimir Putin. Just what is Russian foreign policy?

C) Sing some karaoke and drink

>>537116
B

>>537116

B) Talk to Vladimir Putin. Just what is Russian foreign policy?

>>537116
>A drink champagne and find some hot Asian ladies

>>537121
After a long and arduous conversation on his aggressive stance in both the middle east and eastern Europe your assuring him that he is the great slaver of the east he challenges you to a Judo duel.

According to wikipedia:
Wild male gorillas weigh 135 to 180 kg (300 to 400 lb) while adult females usually weigh half as much as adult males at 70–115 kg (150–250 lb). Adult males are 1.7 to 1.8 m (5 ft 7 in to 5 ft 11 in) tall, with an arm span that stretches from 2.3 to 2.6 m (7 ft 7 in to 8 ft 6 in). Female gorillas are shorter, with smaller arm spans.[14]


And you stand tall before him. This decision is important, in one fight you could behead the russian monster or you could bring about a hardline government into power and provoke total war. What will you do?

A) Fight Vladimir Putin and maybe kill him.

B) Don't fight Vladimir Putin. You studied diplomacy at the Sorbonne.

C) Fight Vladimir Putin and let him win, he is a short man with a fragile ego.

File: tegaki.png (4KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 400x400px

>>537138
B

>>537162

You start to parlez Francais. And you explain some things to Vladimir Putin and you go drinking. While you do that he slips up and tells you he is here to fund communist extremists in the capital and tells you that he is supposed to meet them in a bar downtown.

You decide to...

A) Call in reinforcements, get more people and surround the bar.

B) Try to mask yourself in Vladimir Putin and go undercover as the President of Russia.

C) Go as drunken Vladimir Putin's Bodyguard and infiltrate the communists.

>>537181
C

>>537215

Since you are already in a tuxedo you decide to go as Putin's Bodyguard. He's about to pass out from alcohol though. You stuff him into a Lincoln and take it heading downtown. Before you know it you are drunk driving a lincoln down the freeway while a drunk vladimir putin is trying to order pizza to the limo.

A) Agree with Putin. Stop for pizza and plan your entry.

B) No time for pizza, Putin! Head straight to the bar, you could try out your ventriloquist skills with your puppet Putin.

C) Get guns and storm the place with Vladimir Putin. Test the limits of your friendship and loyalty to one another in a dramatic blaze of glory.

>>537232
A

>>537232
A) Agree with Putin. Stop for pizza and plan your entry.

>>537237

Good call Putin! We need the carbohydrates!
You stop in a rustic little italian pizzeria and order a real neapolitan pizza. You and Putin share a newfound love for good, homey, feel good, hearty comfort food.

And while you discuss calzones you realize you are late to the bar to meet the communists. A dark woman approaches you.

Beware the Voodoo! . she says and immediately leaves pizzeria.
You hear Baba Yetu playing faintly in the background.

Nevermind that, gotta get to the bar.

Will you

A) Go in with Putin as your ward.

B) Go in with Putin as your hostage.

C) Go in with Putin as your friend and partner. You hope the few brief moments in the car whether, if you both live through this, there might be something more for you two in one another. Some happines maybe.

>>537263
C

>>537263
C) Go in with Putin as your friend and partner. You hope the few brief moments in the car whether, if you both live through this, there might be something more for you two in one another. Some happines maybe.

>>537263

You thought about it before. In the hotel room on the sheets. In the bathtub. In the little port-a-potty near the building site down before. What could you find if you had this man. If he had you. But except for a longing glance cast during the drive over no words escaped either of your's lips.

There are 3 armed guards in front. You will...

A) Try to pull off the bodyguard and Putin scheme go in and see who is behind all this. Hopefully.

B) Try to trick the guards into giving you all their weapons.

>>537279
B. No need to risk our good friend

>>537279
B) Try to trick the guards into giving you all their weapons.

>>537283

You approach the guards and challenge them to a 2 out of 3 paper rock scissors. You win with some basic psychology knowledge and they fork over their guns. They are your prisoners now.

You smell a well known scent. Smells like another ape. Something is here. But you can't really place it. Something big is going down here. What will you do.

A) Burst into the bar and apprehend everybody there.

B) Walk in and start asking questions.

C) Try to see who's inside through the window. Gotta live to fight another day.

>>537293
C

>>537296

You peek through the window and see just how deep this goes. It's Michael Jackson's chimp. He's dealing with communist terrorists. He's CIA. This is not good, why are they supporting dissidents. Why are they trying to destablize the foreign policy? Do they want war?

Questions like these plague your mind and you give Putin a long look. He swears he didn't know and that he would never do something like that. Not to you.

This is getting pretty big, maybe you are in over your head. What do you do?

A) Charge in and apprehend everyone.

B) Pussy out and call for more people like a little fucking bitch. Fuck.

>>537314
A) Charge in and apprehend everyone.

>>537314
A

>>537321
>>537322

You have to act fast. And you get is just as the chimp is cutting it's skype call to a shadowy figure. He turns around and sees you both and understands everything perfectly. Those nights with Putin, spent between ecstasy and wondering if he will be here in the morning so he can feed him came back. They didn't matter. He loves you now.

"I will have my revenge on you!" he yells as he presses a button and arms a nuclear device before running out the back door.

You have to decide quickly:

Will you

A) Chase after him. Justice must be meted out.

B) Attempt to difuse the bomb. Millions might die.

>>537334
B) Attempt to difuse the bomb. Millions might die.

Addendum: there is an airfield behind this bar. With jets. Forgot to mention this.

>>537343
Are those our only options? Could we perhaps utilize Putin, maybe to disarm the bomb while we give chase?

>>537349

Yes. Putin knows much about nuclear bombs.
He stays behind and disarms the bomb while you give chase to the chimp.

You exchange glances that last only a moment. Many things are said through them tho.

"We'll live through this. Together."

"Please come back to me."

You shake off the thoughts of the sorrowful love and start running on all fours, your gorrilla body being able to run as fast as 20-25mph.

After a long chase you apprehend the chimpanze near a local taco truck. You reunite with Putin for Tacos and questioning. The nuclear bomb has been dismantled by Putin and ecologically processed not to hurt the environment.


----


We have to stop here for today. Did you like this? Will come again around tomorrow. Also questions if there are any.

>>537369
I liked this. It did feel, though, that would we succeed no matter what.

>>537370
I wanted to make something leisurely and interesting. If you guys would like more challenge we could do some rolls or something.

>>537314
A) Charge in and apprehend everyone.

>>537374
Yeah, let's go with rolls